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Thread: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

  1. #41
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by angelique View Post
    As a woman and seeking a potential "victim" and approaching him to nicely ask him for a dance, only to be told that he has just promised this track to someone else and then watch him march onto the dance floor....to dance with ANOTHER MAN!
    Sorry, are we not meant to keep promises to people without boobs?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor
    Don't react to their bullying behavior.
    This doesn't really work

  2. #42
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tessalicious View Post
    Maybe if you're the type that stalks and grabs, that would explain the being turned down. Guys don't like to be chased, especially if they just want a break.And what if they turned round and gave you a reason, personal and difficult to accept, like saying that they think you smell or that they didn't really want to look at you all dance, or even that you're not really good enough to dance that challenging song with them - would you still be glad to have asked that question, and be the one making *them* feel uncomfortable?

    I'm not saying that any of these apply to either SnowWhite or Double Trouble, but if you ask for an explanation you've got to be prepared to hear something that might offend you, because that might be why it wasn't volunteered as a reason in the first place. Similarly, the other person has paid their money to be there and has as much right to choose who they dance with (whether asked or not) as you do to ask them.

    Sure, it's not nice to be refused, but it's worse to be told that you have to dance with someone you don't want to, or at a time you don't want to, or to a song you don't like, just because you have no right to refuse.
    At last, the voice of reason. Beautifully put Tess, have some rep.

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Spin dryer View Post
    Here's a put down for a rude refuser: "You shouldn't refuse charity when it's offered."
    you learn't that from me didn't ya... as in, when ya refused me. lol

    See ya Friday Mark...ya little lamb chop you xxx

  4. #44
    Registered User Trousers's Avatar
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    . . . . . . . "I hope you don't think you're second choice".
    Nice line AMG

    may just insert that into my utility Trousers for when I need it - smooth that one!

  5. #45
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by angelique View Post

    Can anyone beat this one?
    As a woman and seeking a potential "victim" and approaching him to nicely ask him for a dance, only to be told that he has just promised this track to someone else and then watch him march onto the dance floor....to dance with ANOTHER MAN!!!!!!!!

    BEAUTIFUL!!!




    P.S Sara..wanna dance?
    Sorry hunny! Not like I haven't been turned down by a woman for other women before

    It was all RobD's fault, let's blame it on him!

    (Am i still in trouble now I've shifted blame?!)

  6. #46
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Ouch, some of those refusals are pretty bad. :cry:

    Quote Originally Posted by SnowWhite View Post
    My questions are -
    Do we forgive and forget? Grow an extra thick layer of skin and ask again another time.
    Do we hold a grudge and never give them the time of day again?
    Do we sit patiently and wait and hope to be asked?
    Do we only ask those we know?
    Who benefits from holding a grudge? Nobody. So why would you do it? What you should do (or I do anyway) is don't ask them again. If they come and ask you, show them that your manners are better than theirs and have a dance.

    Quote Originally Posted by SnowWhite View Post
    And how do we walk the line between being predatory and being standoffish ...
    At the same speed as you normally act. It only becomes 'predatory' if you actually stalk somebody or chase them across the floor. Treat people you really would like to dance with about the same as those who you would dance with but are reasonably impartial about. That way you probably won't get to dance with those who you really want to as often as you could but nobody will feel 'intimidated'.

  7. #47
    Formerly known as DavidJames David Bailey's Avatar
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andy McGregor View Post
    Don't do it. You'd be playing their game. Just smile sweetly and look for another partner. When I get turned down I usually ask the nearest lady.
    Brave man - I'd be too scared to do that, I'd have the nightmare scenario of working my way along a row of women and getting refused by them all

    But my approach is "remember but don't waste time holding a grudge".

    There are some women who just won't dance with me - no jokes please - and I suspect that applies to a lot of people. It's best to just accept that it's their loss and carry on.

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames View Post
    There are some women who just won't dance with me .
    Some don't get asked!

  9. #49
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    Some don't get asked!
    Some don't ask

  10. #50
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidJames View Post
    Some don't ask
    Stalemate.

  11. #51
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cruella View Post
    Stalemate.
    Check!

    ( Hold on, any more of this banter and I'll have to moderate myself. So to speak.)

  12. #52
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    There is only one person I will always turn down for a dance. The only reason I do that is because not only does she really hurt (once dislocated my finger, then laughed!!!!!!) she is on the wine before a class even starts, she then spends intermediate class being proped up. She will then sit in the corner during freestyle hitting more drink. Then after half hour goes (im assuming because she doesn't get a dance in).

    It's not the one you pointed out last night SA, I danced with her twice. Not only was she sober, she was an ok dancer. She does look like the one I am talking about though who was there the night before.

    I think, no matter what level you are at, you are still learning. I know sooo many female dancers that have looked good on the floor dancing with their regular dance parter, but then turn everyone down for a dance. Having actually got a dance with a few of these girls, I now know the reason why. They can't dance.

    They have spent X amount of time dancing with regular partners and can no longer be lead or get moves that their partner does not do.

    Im sure the same goes for the men too.

    It is IMO wrong and bad practise for a man to turn down beginners. What do you men who turn down beginners because 'you are too good' do when there is an attractive woman you want to dance with at a party who has never danced before.

    I, like anyone, like dancing with the really good dancers but the only way to find out if they are good dancers, is to dance with them wether you find them attractive or not.



    To sum up. - No matter how good you are, you are still learning too.

    With regards to the origional question. Just assume that the reason that they don't want to dance with them is that they are affraid you will show them up.

  13. #53
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by woodface View Post
    There is only one person I will always turn down for a dance. The only reason I do that is because not only does she really hurt (once dislocated my finger, then laughed!!!!!!) she is on the wine before a class even starts, she then spends intermediate class being proped up. She will then sit in the corner during freestyle hitting more drink. Then after half hour goes (im assuming because she doesn't get a dance in).

    It's not the one you pointed out last night SA, I danced with her twice. Not only was she sober, she was an ok dancer. She does look like the one I am talking about though who was there the night before.

    I think, no matter what level you are at, you are still learning. I know sooo many female dancers that have looked good on the floor dancing with their regular dance parter, but then turn everyone down for a dance. Having actually got a dance with a few of these girls, I now know the reason why. They can't dance.

    They have spent X amount of time dancing with regular partners and can no longer be lead or get moves that their partner does not do.

    Im sure the same goes for the men too.

    It is IMO wrong and bad practise for a man to turn down beginners. What do you men who turn down beginners because 'you are too good' do when there is an attractive woman you want to dance with at a party who has never danced before.

    I, like anyone, like dancing with the really good dancers but the only way to find out if they are good dancers, is to dance with them wether you find them attractive or not.



    To sum up. - No matter how good you are, you are still learning too.

    With regards to the origional question. Just assume that the reason that they don't want to dance with them is that they are affraid you will show them up.

    tick tock tick tock...oh he's finished... - JUST KIDDING XX

  14. #54
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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by SnowWhite View Post
    I've realised that I spend a lot of my time on the dancefloor dancing with people I know, or have danced with before - which is great and I always enjoy it. But trying to broaden my circle of dancers I made the decision to ask more guys to dance that I don't know.

    This decision seems to have coincided with an increase in the times I have been refused dances (both by people I've danced with before, and those I haven't)

    I do realise that our over-worked guys need a rest, and I try to respect that when I realise they are cooling down or whatever by saying, can I have a dance sometime when you're ready?

    But recently I've been told the following:

    I'd prefer to dance this track with someone I like.
    I think you just use me for dancing...
    No. (no apology, no explanation, nothing)

    I've also been looked up and down, then told - No thanks!
    I've even been taken onto the dance floor, then the guy walked away and left me there!

    I also get the usual - I was just going to dance with someone else... (never to be seen again!)
    I'm resting - only for the guy to dance with someone else.

    I'm sure others have shared these experiences so,

    My questions are -
    Do we forgive and forget? Grow an extra thick layer of skin and ask again another time.
    Do we hold a grudge and never give them the time of day again?
    Do we sit patiently and wait and hope to be asked?
    Do we only ask those we know?

    And how do we walk the line between being predatory and being standoffish ...


    Sarah this is a tough one darling i know you and dance with you regular and you have improved my dancing no end however there are women out there who have hurt me when i have danced with them, as i am sure i have hurt women i have danced with. We all dance in our comfort zone to some extent and some women i find intimidating so i am reluctant to ask them to dance and they think he never asks me so i will never ask him who wins in this situation. There are a few women who will not lower themselves to dance with male beginners and then when the men get better we do not forget these ladies and i at least never ask them to dance and never will as a man its a fact that we can pick and choose who to dance with this is a fact of dancing, so you ladies who are standoffish or rude to men think again because there are literally plenty more fish in the sea. This makes me sound arrogant and rude which i am not but there are more women than men in dancing and you ladies do not want to alienate to many men or you will be dancing amongst yourselves.

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by dave the scaffolder View Post
    Sarah this is a tough one darling i know you and dance with you regular and you have improved my dancing no end however there are women out there who have hurt me when i have danced with them, as i am sure i have hurt women i have danced with. We all dance in our comfort zone to some extent and some women i find intimidating so i am reluctant to ask them to dance and they think he never asks me so i will never ask him who wins in this situation. There are a few women who will not lower themselves to dance with male beginners and then when the men get better we do not forget these ladies and i at least never ask them to dance and never will as a man its a fact that we can pick and choose who to dance with this is a fact of dancing, so you ladies who are standoffish or rude to men think again because there are literally plenty more fish in the sea. This makes me sound arrogant and rude which i am not but there are more women than men in dancing and you ladies do not want to alienate to many men or you will be dancing amongst yourselves.

    take a breath, ***...you're turning blue....1

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    take a breath, ***...you're turning blue....1
    explain yourselve english woman xxxxxxxx

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    yeah but he looks so much better in pink....

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by dave the scaffolder View Post
    explain yourselve english woman xxxxxxxx
    Who are you calling English? You are not related to Sian Lewis by any chance are you? (see room 101 thread)

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Trouble View Post
    yeah but he looks so much better in pink....
    I am not an animal i am a man, who loves pink, ok what i do on the weekend is my business xxxxxxxxxxxx

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    Re: Forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

    Quote Originally Posted by Double Trouble View Post
    Who are you calling English? You are not related to Sian Lewis by any chance are you? (see room 101 thread)
    English women, complicated individuals, give me a nice welsh girl whos facial hair matches mine anyday xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Ps notice the commas for breathing xxx

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