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Thread: Inane ramblings and Accountants jokes

  1. #61
    The Original Scooby Dave Hancock's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Chicklet


    BUT please may we have some more accountant jokes?

  2. #62
    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    No don't cry, it's a cunning stunt.

    The idea is then WE know what they think we will do as the predictable accountant move in a given situation and can out manoever them at the last minute.

  3. #63
    Registered User Wendy's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Rachel
    What did you think of Camber?
    Magic - thought I'd died and gone to Heaven - 0oops that's in another thread.. Great music especially downstairs on Friday and Saturday - not enough Blues on Sunday for me but I was upstairs a lot. Great workshops, loved the Aussie one, Blues, drops and blushed lots at the sexy one as I was doing that with a stranger !!! I must have been mad but he was really sweet, thank goodness !!!
    Did you get lots of good dances with Lucky-Dip Jimmy?
    Not enough !!! Think he left early on Sunday night - couldn't find him later on.
    ..do wish I'd taken the opportunity for you to introduce me now, but I was dancing so badly on Friday, I could hardly face anyone...
    Rachel, Rachel, Rachel what are we going to do with you !!! Bad for you is pretty damn good for mere mortals !!!! I'll introduce you some day - mind you if I get to dance in the same place as him ever again I might not get round to that ....
    Is it just me, or does anyone else feel like their dancing peaks at Camber then goes so much downhill immediately afterwards?
    I felt fine last night, especially with my new zappy trainers, I just skip more now and feel all funky !!!! Someone even commented that I was dancing differently - I didn't ask if that was a compliment or not !!!

    See you soon !

    Wxxxx

  4. #64
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    Originally posted by Chicklet
    BUT please may we have some more accountant jokes?
    I couldn't possibly ...

    funnily enough, my father happens to be an accountant, too ... as well as German. Oh dear oh dear, what a heritage I've got!!

    But, please, I've love to read everyone else's accountant jokes!!!
    R x.

  5. #65
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    Originally posted by Wendy
    See you soon !
    Hope so!!!

    (sorry can't respond to rest of your mail just yet, but have to rush off from work now - speak tomorrow)

  6. #66
    The Forum Legend
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    Originally posted by Chicklet
    BUT please may we have some more accountant jokes?
    You rang Ma'am:

    Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
    A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

    Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
    A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

    Q: What does an accountant use for birth control?
    A: His personality.

    Q: What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
    A: Go into town and gang-audit someone.

    Q: What's an extroverted accountant?
    A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

    Q: There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
    A: Those who can count and those who can't.

    A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, "Can I help? Have you lost something?" "No," says one of the doctors. "We're about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."

    Steve

  7. #67
    Registered User Wendy's Avatar
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    Jeez, I'm glad I only studied it for 5 weeks and gave it up - it wasn't for me !!!

    Wxxx

  8. #68
    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    Originally posted by TheTramp


    Q: What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
    A: Go into town and gang-audit someone.
    this one's the fav.

    thanks steve

  9. #69
    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    Originally posted by TheTramp

    Q: What's an extroverted accountant?
    A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
    Steve

    And this one's not a joke it's just so true, cos Dave and I are both shy like this

  10. #70
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    A man takes a balloon ride at a local country fair. A fierce wind suddenly kicks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside. Landing in a farmer's field, the man is left with no clue how far he has flown or where he has landed.
    Seeing a man walking down a nearby street, he cries out, "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where I am?"

    Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer-by says:, "You are in a downed balloon in a farmer's field."

    "You must be an accountant, sir," replied the balloon's unhappy resident.

    "How could you possible know that?" asked the passer-by.

    "Because what you have told me is absolutely correct, but of absolutely no use to me now," answered the balloonist.

  11. #71
    Registered User Grant's Avatar
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    tell the rest of it

    Originally posted by Graham
    A man takes a balloon ride at a local country fair. A fierce wind suddenly kicks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside. Landing in a farmer's field, the man is left with no clue how far he has flown or where he has landed.
    Seeing a man walking down a nearby street, he cries out, "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where I am?"

    Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer-by says:, "You are in a downed balloon in a farmer's field."

    "You must be an accountant, sir," replied the balloon's unhappy resident.

    "How could you possible know that?" asked the passer-by.

    "Because what you have told me is absolutely correct, but of absolutely no use to me now," answered the balloonist.
    But that's only half the joke!
    Grant

  12. #72
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    Yeah. We have a need to find out whether he ever found out where he was, and just how they managed to get the balloon back to the county fair.

    Important details Graham....

    Steve

  13. #73
    Chief Worrier PeterL's Avatar
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    no the rest is something about the guy in th balloon being a consultant.


  14. #74
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    Re: tell the rest of it

    Originally posted by Grant
    But that's only half the joke!
    Grant
    Oh, okay then....

    The accountant says "You must be an executive." The balloonist says "How would you know that?" The accountant replies, "Because you don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going, and you are exactly where you were 10 minutes ago but somehow it's now my fault!"

  15. #75
    Papa Smurf
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    sheesh Graham, im not inviting you to any dinner parties if ive got to phone you up afterwards for punchlines to your jokes

  16. #76
    Registered User Wendy's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
    sheesh Graham, im not inviting you to any dinner parties if ive got to phone you up afterwards for punchlines to your jokes
    You could just invite him to stop over and hear all the punchlines at breakfast...

    Wx

  17. #77
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    Get off my case

    The joke had two punchlines. I only supplied the first one because it was the one dealing with accountants.

    For anyone who felt I'd cheated them last time here's another (in its entirety - honest! )

    A lawyer, a doctor and an accountant are all applying to join the FBI. The have passed all tests but the final one. All three are in a waiting room ready for their final test. First, the lawyer is given a gun and told to go into the room and execute the spy sitting in the chair. The lawyer goes into the room, sees the person sitting in the chair blindfolded. He lifts the blindfold and sees its his wife. He leaves the room saying he could not shoot her. The lawyer is told he failed the test and can not become an FBI agent. Next the doctor is given a gun and is told to execute the spy. The doctor goes into the room, sees the person sitting in the chair blindfolded. He lifts the blindfold and sees its his wife. He leaves the room saying he could not shoot her. The doctor is told he failed the test and can not become an FBI agent. Finally the accountant is given a gun and is told to execute the spy. The accountant goes into the room and the agents outside the room hear a gun shot. After this they hear a lot a rustling and banging. Finally the accountant comes out and says, "someone put blanks in the gun so I had to choke her to death."

  18. #78
    Registered User Chicklet's Avatar
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    sorry

    I don't actually get this one at all. :sorry

    DS what's the number we phone for the punch line?

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