Liverpool FC send football scouts all over the world to discover new talent in an attempt to bring back the glory days to Anfield.
One July day, Liverpools man in Bagdad rings up Gerard Houllier...
"Gerard, you ain't gonna believe this but we've found this 17 year old Iraqi Kid who makes Diego Maradonna look like an Amateur. You've got to come and check this kid out."
So Houllier flies off to Bagdad, see's the kid play football, is massively impressed and signs him on the spot.
First match of the season, Liverpool vs Man Utd, 20 mins left and Liverpool are losing 4 - 0. Houllier has secret Iraqi weapon on the bench, decides he has little to lose by giving the youngster a run. The Iraqi kid comes on for Heskey, scores 5 goals and Liverpool win 5 - 4.
Really excited, the kid rings up his Mum to tell her what happened... "Mum! Mum!, this new life is great. We were losing 4 - 0, the manager brought me on, I scored 5 goals and we won 5 - 4. The fans love me, the manager loves me, the players love me, the press love me, it's absolutely wonderful!"
His mother replies "Well that's all well and good, but whilst you've been off enjoying yourself on the football field, your Dad's been shot dead! Your brother's been thrown in prison! And your sisters and I have all been Raped!
The Kid pleads "Oh mother! I don't know what to say..."
"Don't say anything" his mother replies, "It's your fault we're in Liverpool in the first place!