confident or cocky?

[Dazzler]

hello again fellow forumites.....

I have recently come round to the thought that although i think i am a confident dancer i may in fact come across as a cocky git! :blush:

Over the last 5 months i have attended my weekly class religiously and almost every party tea-dance (every one i could get to) in addition i have worked through the DVD and also some of the workshops on the BFG DVD!..now recently i have been feeling more confident in my style and ability but yet have been getting asked to dance by strangers less and less!!! :confused:

So i was wondering if this could be down to me being percieved as cocky? :really: :blush:

Anyone else been in this situation and if so..what did you do about it?..

[Green-eyed Monsta]

:flower: If you're already dancing non-stop perhaps there isn't much opportunity for anyone else to ask you to dance? Or if you're sitting out at times YOU could always try asking one of these "strangers" to dance?

Sometimes so many of your friends are at these gatherings that by the time you've danced with all of them the night is over!

[Dazzler]

:flower: If you're already dancing non-stop perhaps there isn't much opportunity for anyone else to ask you to dance? Or if you're sitting out at times YOU could always try asking one of these "strangers" to dance?

Sometimes so many of your friends are at these gatherings that by the time you've danced with all of them the night is over!

I have tried my very best to ask as many women as i can in a night but the point is...no new women approach me...i cant see that i give the impression i would say no!......and only been dancing 5 months so not got so many friends that it takes up a whole night :na:
thanks for the feedback though :flower:

[Lory]

Sometimes so many of your friends are at these gatherings that by the time you've danced with all of them the night is over!

Interesting.. I wonder if on this basis, that good or popular men/ladies can ultimately reach a saturation point?

[Andreas]

Interesting.. I wonder if on this basis, that good or popular men/ladies can ultimately reach a saturation point?
It does make it sometimes hard to dance with 'new people' if you are being grabbed by friends all the time. So there would be a saturation level that, however, can only be breached by going to different venues, I think. The difficult part in this is that you really want to dance with your friends but also really want/need some new inspiration from somebody you haven't danced with before or for a long time. So new venue really appears to be the way to go.

[ducasi]

Intimidating folks within 5 months! :worthy:

I think it'll pass as more folks get to know you. Just keep asking, keep dancing, and don't let it get to you. :)

[MartinHarper]

Random thoughts:

When you start dancing, or go to a new venue, everyone is new. So more new people will ask you for a dance.

Skipping beginner classes will reduce the number of new people who ask you for a dance.

Scariness is a possibility. Lots of complicated moves, particularly if your partner at the time looks slightly worried, can make you seem more scary as a dancer. Drops and aerials can make you seem scary.

Also possible is appearing tough-to-please. Smiling rarely might give that impression. Also, avoiding beginners, particularly if you look unsatisfied on those occasions you do dance with beginners.

[WittyBird]

Interesting.. I wonder if on this basis, that good or popular men/ladies can ultimately reach a saturation point?

I think so, I had a conversation with MR X on Sunday night at Bliss which he said 'you'll get to a point where new people don't ask you to dance, I think it's probably happening already'

I said ' yes it is '


go to a new venue, everyone is new. So more new people will ask you for a dance.


I tried this last night and went to a new venue with a big smile on my face and had a dance with 3 people I knew! Nobody else asked me to dance :mad:

[fletch]

When you start dancing, or go to a new venue, everyone is new. So more new people will ask you for a dance.



When travelled to London for the first time I had it firmly fixed in my head I wasn't going to get any dances, :tears: so I was going to ask every one, I had the most wonderful night and no one refused..:clap: ...who said it was scary in London? :wink:







I tried this last night and went to a new venue with a big smile on my face and had a dance with 3 people I knew! Nobody else asked me to dance :mad:


Yes but you are scary :D

[drathzel]

i'm scared of dancing with almost everyone no matter their level of ability,cockiness or confidence as i am always afraid of giving a bad dance! I think a lot of people are like that, it nothing to do with you, its their own confidence, just perserve and asked, eventually people get comfortable dancing with their friends and people they know and you will be asked to dance! :cheers:

[Twirly]

When you start dancing, or go to a new venue, everyone is new. So more new people will ask you for a dance.

I disagree. When I go to a venue that's not regular for me, it feels as if I'm invisible. Last time I went to Fulham it was like being at a big party where everyone knew each other and everyone ignored me who didn't know me. Of course this might be a London thing...


I tried this last night and went to a new venue with a big smile on my face and had a dance with 3 people I knew! Nobody else asked me to dance :mad:

:yeah:


i'm scared of dancing with almost everyone no matter their level of ability,cockiness or confidence as i am always afraid of giving a bad dance! I think a lot of people are like that, it nothing to do with you, its their own confidence, just perserve and asked, eventually people get comfortable dancing with their friends and people they know and you will be asked to dance! :cheers:

:yeah:

Don't forget that lots of women find it difficult if not impossible to ask guys to dance. I'm getting better now, and it's easy to ask guys who've asked me previously, and I challenge myself to ask men I don't know/I think are really good (but the latter category only if they've asked me previously still). Maybe if you see someone in class you would like to dance with you could say to them "do come and grab me for a dance later"?

However, there are a few guys I've seen around whom I've noticed only ever dance with the very good women, and have a general air of thinking themselves better than anyone else. I probably will never dance with them, even if they ever deign to ask me. I prefer leads with a rather more inclusive attitude to the people they dance with. And my dance aspirations do not include dancing with them.:rolleyes:

[Lory]

However, there are a few guys I've seen around whom I've noticed only ever dance with the very good women, and have a general air of thinking themselves better than anyone else. I know what you mean BUT I often wonder if this is intentional on their part or just an unfortunate vibe they give off :confused:



And my dance aspirations do not include dancing with them.:rolleyes:
My dance aspirations don't include them either because I need to get the feeling, that the person I'm going to ask, would possibly 'like' to dance with me, rather than, possibly feel like they're doing me a favour :sick: So, I won't go out of my way to ask, if I feel there's a chance i'm going to have my ego bruised:blush:

Its very sad, if they give off this air unintentionally but how is one to know :confused:

[Groovemeister]

I tend to not get asked much by other people because I normally dance with one main partner.

I think this sometimes means that people forget you almost. It may seem like they are not asking you to dance for reason's which may on face value be that you are to intimidating or cocky.

Realy it could be more to do with the fact that the last time you danced you didn't connect, weren't at the same level etc.

It is easy for us to think of ourselves as the one people want to dance with. I quite often see people standing around and think "why won't they ask me"

Everyone has got their own group of friends who they prefer to dance with it's down to you as an individual to break down those barriers.

I know smaller nights obviously there is less chance of somebody not noticing you but people have different priorities and agenda's like nailing a move which you might not know.

One thing for certain is the less people you ask the worse the situation will become.

I do use the time I don't dance constructively though and take a real interest in what the other dancers are doing

[Twirly]

Its very sad, if they give off this air unintentionally but how is one to know :confused:

Good point – how are we to know? There’s one guy whom I thought fitted this category. Then he started asking me to dance – and I’m pretty sure it’s because I became “good enough” as he muttered a couple of nice things under his breath whilst in class, and the fact that he’d never asked me to dance in freestyle prior to this. Since then, I’ve actually seen him hovering around the edge of the dance floor nervously, waiting to ask me or someone else to dance. My friend still thinks he looks like he “fancies himself”, I think otherwise now, though I used to agree.

Also, sometimes shy can appear standoffish/snobby.

On a slight aside, I sometimes notice guys hands trembling when I dance with them, either in class or in freestyle (and I don’t think I’m scary, so don’t think it’s me!). With beginners, it’s clearly nerves most of the time, but it happens with experienced dancers too. Has anyone else noticed this, and have they attributed it to nerves too, or is there some other reason? Guys, have you noticed yourselves doing this and if so do you know why it happens? :confused:

(Not trying to hijack thread, hope it fits into the confidence subject.)

[David Bailey]

Last time I went to Fulham it was like being at a big party where everyone knew each other and everyone ignored me who didn't know me. Of course this might be a London thing...
Actually, I think that's a Fulham thing...

"Fulham: Where The Good Dancers Go" :devil:


Don't forget that lots of women find it difficult if not impossible to ask guys to dance.
Especially for beginner women, who aren't used to the "ask the men" culture - or less-pushy women who don't want to fight through the scrum.


However, there are a few guys I've seen around whom I've noticed only ever dance with the very good women, and have a general air of thinking themselves better than anyone else. I probably will never dance with them, even if they ever deign to ask me. I prefer leads with a rather more inclusive attitude to the people they dance with. And my dance aspirations do not include dancing with them.:rolleyes:
Oh, there's some women like that too... :rolleyes: :)

[Blueshoes]

i'm scared of dancing with almost everyone no matter their level of ability,cockiness or confidence as i am always afraid of giving a bad dance!

I'm sorry to hear that drathzel. :sad: Most guys aren't worried about that at all - some of the best dances I've had is where something has gone horribly wrong (it doesn't matter if it was me or my partner who cocked it up) - we've had a good laugh and got on with it.

I will never turn anyone down for a dance and if they're at a different experience level to me I'll concentrate on doing simpler moves well. So dance away, you may be pleasantly suprised. :hug:

ps next time you're in Manchester give me a call and we'll have a lovely dance....

[Blueshoes]

On a slight aside, I sometimes notice guys hands trembling when I dance with them. Guys, have you noticed yourselves doing this and if so do you know why it happens? :confused:


With me it's Alzheimer's........

[Lory]

With me it's Alzheimer's........
Parkinsons is the one which makes you shake but if you have Alzheimer's, you've probably forgotten that :wink:

[Blueshoes]

Parkinsons is the one which makes you shake but if you have Alzheimer's, you've probably forgotten that :wink:

When you get to my age you've got the lot! :hug:

[Gadget]

I have recently come round to the thought that although i think i am a confident dancer i may in fact come across as a cocky git! :blush:
~
So i was wondering if this could be down to me being percieved as cocky? :really: :blush:
Nope - it's the fact you are a cocky git :D :na: :wink: {<- said with tounge in cheek}

What's the difference between confident, cocky and arrogant? Probably attitude: Arrogant is being uninterested in your partner's moves or ability. Cocky is more being impressed with your own moves rather than your partners. Confident is not worrying about your partner's moves moves or ability (knowing you can cope with most things).


...now recently i have been feeling more confident in my style and ability but yet have been getting asked to dance by strangers less and less!!! :confused:
When you start, everyone is new and a stranger. Being asked to dance by beginners - I'm seldom asked (although have been recently). I think it's intimidation and "oh, they wouldn't want to dance with me - I can't do any of that stuff" especially if you have been dancing with some good dancers; "how can I ask them to dance when they've just danced with them - I'll never match that".
Possably there should be some speil by the teacher at the end of the beginner's class to dispell some of this?

I also think that there is very little "window of opportunity" for them to ask me, so I normally ask them :D

[Dazzler]

All of this feedback is great :respect: and although i have taken all of it on board i am not the kind of person who only dances with the good dancers..in fact as of late i have tried to dance with as many beginners as possible..in a bid to show them that they should not fear people who dance with good dancers :sick: just because i can/try dance with good dancers does not mean i dont enjoy a dance of the basics......its quite a relief sometimes!...as i have said only been dancing 5 months myself and find sometimes pressured when dancin with a great dancer.....but i do ask them..(normally cos sheena or someone says 'you must dance with them'...:rofl: but i just want to be asked some nights...i know it sounds needy but if no-one asks me it takes an effect on my mood and i feel like i am always chasing them!...is it wrong to feel like this?...

[Night Owl]

All of this feedback is great :respect: and although i have taken all of it on board i am not the kind of person who only dances with the good dancers..in fact as of late i have tried to dance with as many beginners as possible..in a bid to show them that they should not fear people who dance with good dancers :sick: just because i can/try dance with good dancers does not mean i dont enjoy a dance of the basics......its quite a relief sometimes!...as i have said only been dancing 5 months myself and find sometimes pressured when dancin with a great dancer.....but i do ask them..(normally cos sheena or someone says 'you must dance with them'...:rofl: but i just want to be asked some nights...i know it sounds needy but if no-one asks me it takes an effect on my mood and i feel like i am always chasing them!...is it wrong to feel like this?...

I asked you to dance.:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Dazzler]

I asked you to dance.:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

that is very true!...although we do seem to get some funny looks!...:rofl:

[Night Owl]

that is very true!...although we do seem to get some funny looks!...:rofl:

its only from the girls who haven`t plucked up the courage to ask you to dance,give them time they`ll come round either that or your going to have to just ask them,but then they have to be quick coz your snapped up so fast

[janey]

All of this feedback is great :respect: and although i have taken all of it on board i am not the kind of person who only dances with the good dancers..in fact as of late i have tried to dance with as many beginners as possible..in a bid to show them that they should not fear people who dance with good dancers :sick: just because i can/try dance with good dancers does not mean i dont enjoy a dance of the basics......its quite a relief sometimes!...as i have said only been dancing 5 months myself and find sometimes pressured when dancin with a great dancer.....but i do ask them..(normally cos sheena or someone says 'you must dance with them'...:rofl: but i just want to be asked some nights...i know it sounds needy but if no-one asks me it takes an effect on my mood and i feel like i am always chasing them!...is it wrong to feel like this?...
Its interesting to see that the men get fed up with asking as well!

Some nights when there is a shortage of men I end up feeling rather stalkerish as I hunt down the next available man to ask for a dance. Its wonderful when a man actually comes & asks me!

From what I've seen you always ask loads of girls to dance from beginners to immediates & all in between! Definately not a sign of being cocky!!

[Green-eyed Monsta]

On a slight aside, I sometimes notice guys hands trembling when I dance with them, either in class or in freestyle (and I don’t think I’m scary, so don’t think it’s me!). With beginners, it’s clearly nerves most of the time, but it happens with experienced dancers too. Has anyone else noticed this, and have they attributed it to nerves too, or is there some other reason? Guys, have you noticed yourselves doing this and if so do you know why it happens? :confused:

(Not trying to hijack thread, hope it fits into the confidence subject.)

:yeah: A good male friend of mine says this happens when the woman is "too attractive":cool: (Still haven't found a solution to the problem though)

[ducasi]

:yeah: A good male friend of mine says this happens when the woman is "too attractive":cool: (Still haven't found a solution to the problem though)
I've met a few girls whose hands (sometimes) tremble when I dance with them. I can only assume I'm also "too attractive". :cool:

Or maybe it's something else... :confused:

Nah... :D

[Yogi_Bear]

Don't forget that lots of women find it difficult if not impossible to ask guys to dance. I'm getting better now, and it's easy to ask guys who've asked me previously, and I challenge myself to ask men I don't know/I think are really good (but the latter category only if they've asked me previously still).
After Camber last weekend I can vouch that you were successfully putting all this into practice.....

[Beowulf]

On a slight aside, I sometimes notice guys hands trembling when I dance with them < snip > Guys, have you noticed yourselves doing this and if so do you know why it happens? :confused:


I do it sometimes too I'm afraid , I mean i'm not a quivering wreck but a little more confidence wouldn't hurt. It's mostly nerves especially if I percieve the dancer to be "out of my league" dance skill wise (the whole "I'm not worthy I'm not Worthy" thing)

However In my "regular" venue there's one lady dancer who is always really nervous despite being a much better dancer than me. When you dance with her she spends the entire dance apologising and trembling and she's more experienced than me and one of my favorite dancers.


:yeah: A good male friend of mine says this happens when the woman is "too attractive":cool: (Still haven't found a solution to the problem though)


I've met a few girls whose hands (sometimes) tremble when I dance with them. I can only assume I'm also "too attractive". :cool:

Well somehow I don't think thats the reason she's trembling when I dance with her (unless its from fear) .. although I'm not ruling it out as a reason while I tremble when i dance with others :whistle:

[sidney]

I am okay when I am at my local venues asking guys to dance, but when I was at Southport this time I did find it hard in the blues room and ended up missing some dances with some really good dancers as I was just to slow, and in the latin room I saw that fantastic dancer Phil Webb who I had danced on a couple of occassions a long time ago, I then said to my friend I was going to ask him, so while I was plucking up my courage she said do you want to risk it look at his face he looks bored stiff dancing with that girl who I would say was a okay dancer. After that comment I lost my nerve and I did not want him feeling like that with me. I to would like feedback from experience dancers on how I am improving and what needs improving. I am getting good feedback from my salsa from the teacher and taxi dancers so that has given me some of my confidence back.:nice:

[Twirly]

After Camber last weekend I can vouch that you were successfully putting all this into practice.....

Thank you for noticing :blush: