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Miss Marple
16th-April-2003, 10:55 PM
STOP PRESS - FORGET MURDER ON THE DANCEFLOOR IT'S MURDER ON THE FORUM

It was the sad duty of the CerocScotland moderator to inform the Forum of the unexpected demise of senior member "Chicklet" by fowl means.

Famous French Detective Inspector Clouseau (AKA Franck), ably assisted by Inspector Gadget of the Aberdeen Special Branch are presently investigating the scene of this heinous crime - the hen house - where she had fallen off her perch. - "Did she jump or was she pushed?" Is now the question for the illustrious inspectors...........

Chicklet was last seen at the Glasgow Chocolate Party, performing the Double Chocolate Ripple move whilst feeding Maltesers and getting "up close and personal" with Balding Aberdeen Lethario Dave "gammie leg" Hancock.
She had earlier been observed in deep intimate conversation with Graham. Was the strong, silent Graham merely offering her some of his "orgasmic " chocolate trufffles or was he charting his progress with offers of a different kind?
The flighty bird had also been dancing provocatively with the Bombay Bad Boy, who we know is partial to a bit of hot spicy chicken!

Yet other observers witnessed her storming off the dance floor with her feathers distinctly ruffled because CJ had refused her request to share his chocolate balls.

A furious Wendy had confessed to the singing, dancing nuns - Nun of This and Nun of That (formerly known as the lovely Heather and the lovely Linda, before taking their vow of celibacy) - that she could hardly contain her jealous fury when she discovered that Chicklet had eaten the chocolate truffles from Graham's pocket, that Wendy herself had been saving for her own pleasure later that evening.

Inspector Clouseau reported to the press that he was currently inspecting the "aleebees" of "pipple een the 'all" but he could state categorically that no "minkees" were involved although there had been plenty of nuts at the party!

Inspector Gadget - the famous Aberdonian detective - who had briefly stopped off at his own convenience in Dundee, to avail himself of the facilities, was at present questioning members of the MAd crew. Gadget was able to divulge that this was a case of Death by Chocolate or too much of a good thing- as Chicklet had been poisoned and must have been as sick as a parrot before an agonising plunge from her perch. Her chocolate had been laced with good old arsenic.............

The two renowned detectives on reaching an Entente Cordiale concluded that she must have been poisoned by some-one at the party. A list of suspects with possible motives has been assembled and those involved are currently under rigorous investigation -

WENDY
Had the mad matriarch, who not only furious on discovering that Chicklet had tasted Graham's orgasmic truffles, had also uncovered her ruthless plan to seduce - in her own version of double trouble - Wendy's sweet, youthful and innocent (?) adopted sons Brady and Curtain?
Had Wendy in a mother's desperate attempt to protect her boys' virtue resorted to murder.
Has Wendy further confessions to make?

GRAHAM
Was the strong, silent, brooding Heathcliff figure - with whom Chicklet had been having a clandestine internet affair - prepared to resort to murder when she threatened to expose his dark secret to jealous wife Wendy?

THE BOMBAY BAD BOY
Had the feathered female threatened to ruin his hitherto unmblemished reputation by exposing his unhealthy addiction to a certain snack food, frequently eaten only by "dirty people"?
Was the threat of this revelation enough to make him choke on his Pot Noodle?
Did Sherwin apply his considerable culinary skills by adding an extra ingredient to her chocolate pudding?

DAVE HANCOCK
Had Chicklet threatened to expose his underworld links and the discrepancies in his accounts to the News of the World when she discovered that there was no truth in the rumour that Aberdonians frequently go commando and that he didn't quite measure up to her Curly Wurly? Did he reach the end of his tether when she threatened to expose his inadequacies?

THE ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING NUNS Whilst contemplating "How do you Solve a Problem Like the Chicklet?" and ignoring their suggestion that she should go "Climb Every Mountain" or the Munroes at least, had they resorted to murder when they discovered that she had found the keys to their chastity belts and was threatening to auction them to the highest bidder on the forum?

BTC BILL
BTC Bill, whom she was blackmailing when she discovered that he frequently wears Fran's stockings and suspenders under his trousers, and had some very revealing photos for which she had been offered a large sum with which to feather her nest by the Sunday Sport. Did his chocolate exterior finally boil over?

THE TRAMP
Had the Tramp hired a hit-man to dispose of the feathered female in an attempt to silence her as he could no longer get a word in edge-wise on the forum?

BLUE 34
Having cruelly toyed with his affections and seduced him into breaking his"no kissing allowed" rule - he discovered the only bulge in his trouser pocket she wanted to get her claws into was his wallet! Was this humiliation a motive for murder? Was this the ultimate kick in the head?

CJ
Not prepared to take no for an answer, Chicklet had, after all, gotten her hands on his chocolate balls. CJ had also discovered her plan to destroy his copy of "Vem Vet" and replace it with "There Ain't No Body Here But Us Chickens" thus bringing his record collection and excellent reputation into disrepute. Had this struck a bum note with our musical afficionado and caused him to compose a requiem of his own.

JAYNE
Had Jayne decided to exact revenge on Chicklet because she refused to join her game of Blind Man's Buff at the party? Prefering instead to appropriate the blindfold for her own private purposes - it is a well known fact that Jayne had no time for spoilsports -could this act have provided the motivation for murder?

SHEENA
Had Chicklet, spitting feathers at not being offered the leading solo spot in Sheena's new cabaret -(based on Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds) - decided to sabotage Sheena's chances of winning the Blackpool 2004 Cabaret competition, by squawking to Nicky Haslam that Sheena's routine would be arranged to "Chirpy, Chirpy, Cheep, Cheep" and "The Birdy Song". Was the normally mild-mannered, extremely strokeable, but nevertheless slightly MAd Sheena pushed so far as to choreograph Chicklet's demise?

FILTHYCUTE
FC who had sworn vengance for Chicklet's earlier attempt to emulate the "shirt-ripping move" with James - perfected and patented by Melanie at the Blackpool Jive Championships. Could this blatant attempt to view James' body tattoos, normally reserved for the eyes of only Filthycute, have pushed FC to cook the featherbrain's goose.

THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS ON EVERYONE'S LIPS -

WHO DUNNIT - AND HOW CAN WE THANK THEM? :wink:
WHO'S NEXT - ARE WE DEALING WITH A CEREAL KILLER (CORNY BUT TRUE!)?
DO WE ENLIST THE HELP OF INSPECTOR FROST OR HAS THE TRAIL ALREADY GONE COLD?
WHO WROTE THIS PILE OF CHICKEN S*** AND WHO REALLY CARES?

Twinkle Toes
16th-April-2003, 11:13 PM
Originally posted by Miss Marple
THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS ON EVERYONE'S LIPS -

WHO DUNNIT - AND HOW CAN WE THANK THEM? :wink:
WHO'S NEXT - ARE WE DEALING WITH A CEREAL KILLER (CORNY BUT TRUE!)?
DO WE ENLIST THE HELP OF INSPECTOR FROST OR HAS THE TRAIL ALREADY GONE COLD?
WHO WROTE THIS PILE OF CHICKEN S*** AND WHO REALLY CARES? So, you weren't out dancing tonight then ! :rolleyes:

TT

TheTramp
17th-April-2003, 12:05 AM
Brilliant!

Truly Brilliant.

Thank you for making me laugh very much!! (Whoever you are)

:hug:

Steve

Tiggerbabe
17th-April-2003, 07:54 AM
But surely there must be more suspects than that!:confused:

What about the "innocent young" Brady, Stuart, that mad artist from London or even Lorna(couldn't possibly be as innocent as she looks :wink: ) and then again I'm not convinced I trust that famous French Detective - sure I saw him sneaking off with a box of truffles under his arm at one point :wink:

And the other thing - if you were at the party then I'll need to do some detective work of my own :what:

Great fun though - well done! You ever considered writing for a living? :hug: :kiss:

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 07:56 AM
:) :( :o :D

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 07:58 AM
;) :kiss: :cool: :rolleyes:

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 07:58 AM
:mad: :eek: :confused: :grin:

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 07:59 AM
:sad: :tears: :what: :devil:

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 07:59 AM
:wink: :nice: :really: :yum:

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 08:00 AM
:waycool: :reallymad :sorry :sick:

TheTramp
17th-April-2003, 08:03 AM
:what: :eek: :confused: :na:

Steve

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 08:06 AM
:innocent: :cheers: :na: :drool:


but most of all :hug:


absolutely stunning, whoever you are.

may we have a who-done-it poll of the likely suspects please????

I need to know who stuffed the bird!!!!!!!!!

Gadget
17th-April-2003, 08:38 AM
Originally posted by Miss Marple
~snip~ Gadget was able to divulge that this was a case of Death by Chocolate or too much of a good thing- as Chicklet had been poisoned and must have been as sick as a parrot before an agonising plunge from her perch. Her chocolate had been laced with good old arsenic.............

~snip~
WHO DUNNIT - AND HOW CAN WE THANK THEM?

The list of suspects narrows; we are obviously looking for a couple of spinsters who have a window box-seat and a mad relative... {Arsnic and old lace}

... ok, so that dosn't narrow it down quite as much as I'd hoped. :wink: :innocent:

Stuart M
17th-April-2003, 09:05 AM
Originally posted by Miss Marple
STOP PRESS - FORGET MURDER ON THE DANCEFLOOR
Chicklet was last seen at the Glasgow Chocolate Party...

She seemed to have made a remarkable recovery for the Wednesday night class - mind you, it is Easter, there's a lot of that thing about...

Originally posted by Miss Marple
A furious Wendy had confessed to the singing, dancing nuns - Nun of This and Nun of That (formerly known as the lovely Heather and the lovely Linda, before taking their vow of celibacy) -
Aha, a clue to Miss Marple's identity perhaps? (No, it's not me!) How many knew of this vow?

Originally posted by Miss Marple
WENDY
Has Wendy further confessions to make?

New thread please, Franck. No, hang on, new Forum section...:devil:

Originally posted by Miss Marple
GRAHAM
Was the strong, silent, brooding Heathcliff figure - with whom Chicklet had been having a clandestine internet affair - prepared to resort to murder when she threatened to expose his dark secret to jealous wife Wendy?

If Graham is Heathcliff, would that make Wendy = Kate Bush? And regarding Graham seducing Chicklet, if he was doing the brooding for her I'd say he's going about wooing poultry the right way...:wink:

TheTramp
17th-April-2003, 09:13 AM
Aha, a clue to Miss Marple's identity perhaps? (No, it's not me!) How many knew of this vow?Ummm. It was posted on the forum a few days ago. So potentially everyone!

New thread please, Franck. No, hang on, new Forum section...I'm still chuckling over this comment, 30 seconds after reading it. Funny :D But I'd start running now if I were you :D

Steve

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 09:15 AM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Stuart M
[B]She seemed to have made a remarkable recovery for the Wednesday night class - mind you, it is Easter, there's a lot of that thing about...

Could get a new t-shirt for the Wednesday night class too!!!

Take your hands off my ears I'm not really dead??

judging by some of the confused looks last night this one will not be any more baffling for a lot of men than the original!!!

All the girls seem to get it straight away, weird that eh???
:D :wink:


PS sorry if I was "singing" last night Stuart, it would have been painful for you, came over all touched that CJ dug out Summer of 69!!!

TheTramp
17th-April-2003, 09:20 AM
All the girls seem to get it straight away, weird that eh???Hmmm. I got it straight away. Does that make me a girl then??? :what:

Steve

Stuart M
17th-April-2003, 09:39 AM
Originally posted by Chicklet
PS sorry if I was "singing" last night Stuart, it would have been painful for you, came over all touched that CJ dug out Summer of 69!!!
Oh don't worry, I'm tough when it comes to ladies singing during a dance - I've heard Jayne's singing...:really:

This thread might actually cause a fatality after that one...well, it's been nice knowing you all...

Grant
17th-April-2003, 09:55 AM
Originally posted by Stuart M

This thread might actually cause a fatality after that one...well, it's been nice knowing you all...

Yes but it won't be another homicide, more like an assisted suicide after that remark.:D

Grant

Wendy
17th-April-2003, 09:56 AM
Originally posted by Stuart M

This thread might actually cause a fatality after that one...well, it's been nice knowing you all...

Yip !!! And a Double Trouble fatality at that !!! Jayne and moi dancing you to death ... doing the Lydia ... over and over... and we know how you hate just standing there .... poor kid !!!

Oh, Graham will want to try that tshirt of yours once you've gone... :wink:

Wxx

Stuart M
17th-April-2003, 10:04 AM
Originally posted by Wendy
Oh, Graham will want to try that tshirt of yours once you've gone... :wink:

Hey, maybe I could give the T-shirt to Graham now anyway.

As I said somewhere else on the Forum it's been retired - CJ's suffered enough :what:

Stuart M
17th-April-2003, 10:08 AM
Originally posted by Wendy
Yip !!! And a Double Trouble fatality at that !!! Jayne and moi dancing you to death ... doing the Lydia ... over and over... and we know how you hate just standing there .... poor kid !!!

You've now successfully distracted me from doing any work for the whole day...

Wendy
17th-April-2003, 10:42 AM
Originally posted by Stuart M
You've now successfully distracted me from doing any work for the whole day...

Look out....... they're behind you .... I mean in front of you .... hee hee heeee


Wxxx

Grant
17th-April-2003, 10:43 AM
Originally posted by Stuart M
You've now successfully distracted me from doing any work for the whole day...

You wanted to spend the last day of your life working??? :what: :really:

Grant

CJ
17th-April-2003, 10:59 AM
Originally posted by Stuart M
Hey, maybe I could give the T-shirt to Graham now anyway.

As I said somewhere else on the Forum it's been retired - CJ's suffered enough :what:

I think the T-shirt has to come out of retirement... save us matching again!!:cheers:

Grant
17th-April-2003, 11:14 AM
Originally posted by Ceroc Jock
I think the T-shirt has to come out of retirement... save us matching again!!:cheers:

Yes, if you two dress the same how will we tell you apart?:D :D

:cheers:

Grant

Wendy
17th-April-2003, 11:19 AM
Originally posted by Grant
Yes, if you two dress the same how will we tell you apart?:D :D



% cocoa solids :yum:

Wxxx

Graham
17th-April-2003, 11:41 AM
I'd just like to say that I thought this was incredibly inventive and funny, and I'd like to add my thanks to the author for putting in what was obviously a considerable amount of thought and effort.

I'd also like to add my thanks to the murderer, as the forum was getting plagued by cheep innuendo. :grin:

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 11:44 AM
G, I do love it when you set up your own punch lines.



Now go and vote so I can find out which one of you b****** done me in!!!

CJ
17th-April-2003, 11:49 AM
Originally posted by Chicklet
Now go and vote so I can find out which one of you b****** done me in!!!

Don't flatter yourself, Lady.

The poll quite clearly states you faked your own suicide to stitch up Brady the Innocent.

And I bet HE wouldn't hold your ears. Poor wee soul. Was that in your dream, too?:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :wink: :devil: :D

Wendy
17th-April-2003, 12:09 PM
Well done to the person who wrote it !!! So much detail... so witty... so clever... who is Miss Marple ???? Who has the time.... or the inclination......

Wxxxx

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 12:09 PM
Behave you!!!!!:D :D Frisky this morning!!!

Born again Chickie D (see left) only does head over heels now, doesn't rise to smutty cheep (sic) innuendo (let's see how long that one lasts)

And which one of us is the poor wee soul??

Wendy
17th-April-2003, 12:19 PM
Originally posted by Chicklet
Born again Chickie D (see left) only does head over heels now, Love your new Chick - suits you sooo much better. And that makes us family !!!!

Wxxxxxxx

Chicklet
17th-April-2003, 12:27 PM
the other one was lovely but maybe a bit on the portly side???

I do like the fact that this one gets her feet where her head usually is quite easily.....


so does this mean Brady and Curtain are my brothers?

Wendy
17th-April-2003, 12:32 PM
Originally posted by Chicklet


so does this mean Brady and Curtain are my brothers?

No your grandsons surely !!!

Wxxxx

Miss Marple
17th-April-2003, 06:17 PM
:wink: :wink: For someone who has shaken off this mortal coil, the Chicken amazingly has still plenty to say!!!
Perhaps the murderer ought to have wrung its neck!!!!:wink:
Miss Marple.

Miss Marple
17th-April-2003, 06:19 PM
......all for your comments!!! Much appreciated!!
Miss Marple.

Miss Marple
17th-April-2003, 06:21 PM
:wink: :wink: Be vigilant!! Remember that there is a possible 'cereal' Killer on the loose. It may be YOU next!!!:wink: :wink:
Miss Marple.

Heather
18th-April-2003, 12:01 AM
Originally posted by Stuart M


If Graham is Heathcliff, would that make Wendy = Kate Bush?



:D :D Surely Wendy can be whoever she wants to be in the privacy of her own home!!!!:wink: :wink:
Although exactly whom,and what they get up to, might be too much information for the Forum community!!!:wink:
:kiss:
Heather,
XX

Miss Marple
23rd-April-2003, 03:28 PM
The Plot Thickens

Inspectors Clouseau and Gadget, having deliberated, cogitated and thoroughly digested the evidence presented to them, are baffled. Despite intensive and detailed interviews with an extensive list of suspects, they are no nearer to solving the mystery of Chicklet's homicide.

Are the inspectors merely bungling, incompetent nincompoops, or are they dealing with a fiendishly clever, diabolic, master criminal? Evidence would certainly begin to point to the latter diagnosis. Whilst the two esteemed detectives have been deliberating, the Machiavellian murder has struck yet again!!!

Detectives Clouseau and Gadget were earlier called to the Glasgow home of Mr Brady Rogers, who had not been seen for several days. His disappearance had, however, failed to arouse suspicion, as it was widely known that the young American had been sojourning in the Nations capital city. He was found on the floor of his bedroom, when his flatmate had entered to remind him that it was Brady's turn to clean the lavatory.The stunned, distraught flatmate could think of no reason why anyone would possibly wish to kill, such a charming, affable young man as Brady appeared to be. Inspectors Clouseau and Gadget are perplexed by the latest turn of events. Could there be a possible connection between the two killings, or is there a mad, maniacal cereal killer loose on the streets of Glasgow?

The victim seemed to have fallen fowl of a poisoned chocolate Easter egg, the remains of which were found in Brady's room. What possible motive could the murderer have had to execute the demise of this handsome young chap? Clouseau and Gadget are continuing their investigation into a possible list of suspects, and urge the public to come forward with any relevant information regarding the whereabouts and movements of Mr Rogers and his associates, prior to his untimely death sometime on Monday. Inspector Gadget has again, conveniently stopped off in Dundee, to interview members of the MAd Crew, whilst Clouseau continues to examine the evidence in Glasgow.

BOMBAY BAD BOY

Did Sherwin feel threatened by the knowledge, that in his youth, Brady was once the winner of the Annual Oregon Junior Cookery Competion, and that Sherwin's inferiority in the kitchen would surely be exposed in their forthcoming appearance in Ready,Steady,Cook? Was the pint size chef afraid that it would soon become apparent that the only culinary creation he was master of, was a hot, spicy Pot Noodle? Would the threat of Brady's gourmet skills with a grill pan be enough to make Sherwin sizzle with rage, and provoke him into adding a toxic ingredient to Brady's Cadburys cream egg?

STEVEN(THE DANCING PENGUIN)

Did Steven, Grand Master of the little known SSSCS, (Secret Society of Silver Ceroc Shoes), whilst under the influence of copious amounts of red wine,(which he was in the habit of splattering on hotel walls),foolishly divulge the secret Silver Ceroc Shoe Shuffle, whilst sharing a room with Brady at Blackpool? Had Brady threatened to incorporate the intricate dance step into a 16 count beginners line dance, performed to Shania Twain's latest offering, "Up"? Did the prospect of this utter humiliation propel the dancing p..p..p..penguin to p..p..p..poison Brady?
JOHN SIMPSON

Despite his reputation as a dancer extraordinaire, this dinosaur of the dance floor was left with egg on his face when Brady could barely stifle his amusement, when John's attempt at a "Chocolate Ripple" looked more like a crumbling Flake. Devastated at this public humiliation, had John sworn long-winded vengeance on the Yankee Doodle Dandy? Did John eggstract revenge on Brady, ensuring that the yolk was on the young whippersnapper, when he added arsenic to Mr Rogers' Easter treat?

BLUE 34.
Did Brady's success as a babe magnet, whilst posing as an " Officer and a Gentleman", at Blackpool, inspire Blue 34 to uncontrollable jealousy? He was heard to have dismissed Brady as merely a "boy in a man's uniform". Did Blue 34 decide to sink the American dreamboat once and for all?

BTC BILL

Acutely aware of his advancing years, and that time was rapidly running out to retain top place in the BTC Top Ten, had Bill resorted to drastic action, by eliminating his opposition? Did Brady's youth and skilful Triple Step pose too much of a threat, especially as Brady was perfecting his "Up close and Personal" blues moves with Wendy? Did Bill decide to do away with the upstart before he was relegated to Wendy's reserve team?

THE TRAMP

In preparation for his forthcoming move to Scotland, had The Tramp decided to rid Ceroc venues of all possible rival dancers, so that he alone would be in demand as the one and only BTC dancer North of the Border? Certainly, it was reported that he had bought a very large Cadbury's cream egg at his local Woolworth store. Was this for his own delectation, or had he doctored the confection before presenting it to Brady as a "Farewell to London" gift?

THE SINGING, DANCING NUNS

Following the success of the winning Ecclesiastical trio in the Blackpool Double Trouble Competition, had Brady poured scorn on the attempt of Nun of This and Nun of That, to emulate their success in Musselburgh? Had Brady's refusal to participate, proved too much of a cross for the celibate sisters to bear? Was the decision by Brady to have none of their nonsense, enough to provoke them into arranging a premature meeting with his Maker?
Or, was Brady the highest (or only) bidder in Chicklet's internet auction of the keys to their chastity belts? Knowing of his passion for chocolate, was their Easter offering an attempt by the Unholy Duo, to safeguard their virtue?

DAVE HANCOCK

Had Dave "Gammie leg" Hancock, through his underworld connections, discovered that Brady's job as a structural engineer was merely a cover for his work as a CIA operative? Having previously uncovered Chicklet's dupilicity in passing incriminating evidence to Mr Rogers, linking Dave's creative accounting with the Mafia, did he then decide that Brady's number was up and that he should now be "sleeping with the fishes" in an Aberdeen Harbour?

CJ THE DJ

Did the devastating discovery that women prefered Brady's chocolate Ripple to his own chocolate balls, inspire the Musical maestro to perform his own version of the "Death March" on the turntables?

SHEENA

Did the soft, cuddly Tigger avatar on the Ceroc Forum belie the true nature of this dancing diva? Had the vision of Brady as a naval officer at the Blackpool champs, unleashed the tigress in Sheena? Did he get more than the Double Trouble he was already in, when the wild cat attempted to sink her claws into him? Did his refusal to succumb to her strokeable trousers, inspire her to bump off young Brady? After all "Hell hath no fury like a feline scorned"!!!

WENDY

Had Brady mocked her attempts to impersonate Kate Bush with her rendition of "Wuthering Heights" or did Glasgow's answer to Lucretia Borgia, harbour more than a maternal interest in her youthful, adopted son? Did her plan to get "up close and personal", take on a more sinister and incestuous turn, from which Brady, in his innocence, was repelled? Did the mad matriarch see "red" when Brady got the "blues" at this prospect?

GRAHAM

Cruelly and continually taunted by his wife's preference for BTC dancers, had Brady's addition to Wendy's dream team realised Graham's worst nightmare? Did the discovery that Wendy was planning a more intimate, up close and personal relationship with 'son' Brady, finally push Graham over the edge of reason and in a fit of jealous, paternal pique, propel him into taking steps to ensure Brady danced his "Last Tango in Partick"?

WHO KILLED BRADY?
WILL THE INTREPID DETECTIVES UNRAVEL THE MYSTERY?
SHOULD THEY ENLIST THE HELP OF INSPECTOR MORSE OR WOULD THAT BREAK THE DETECTIVE CODE OF ETHICS?
WILLTHE MURDERER STRIKE AGAIN?
DO WE REALLY CARE?
SHOULD MISS MARPLE TAKE UP KNITTING?

Stuart M
23rd-April-2003, 04:20 PM
Look, I was dancing with Brady last night, and whilst he wasn't moving too well (possibly my lead :sorry ) ), he definitely had a pulse. And I have numerous witnesses. Admittedly, 7 of them are among your suspects but there you go...

At least make sure your corpse is one first.

:D

TheTramp
23rd-April-2003, 04:22 PM
Once again Brilliant (with a capital B).

Just out of interest, would any Scottish person call London the 'Nations Capital City'?? Could this be a clue to the identity of the artist known as Miss Marple?

Steve

Graham
23rd-April-2003, 04:46 PM
Originally posted by TheTramp
Once again Brilliant (with a capital B).Ditto!!

Originally posted by TheTramp
Just out of interest, would any Scottish person call London the 'Nations Capital City'?? Could this be a clue to the identity of the artist known as Miss Marple?I think you could be on to something here, Steve. But apparently someone based in Scotland. Hmmm......

Originally posted by Miss Marple
Are the inspectors merely bungling, incompetent nincompoopsTo quote Francis Urquhart, you may very well think that, I couldn't possibly comment :wink:
Or is there a more sinister explanation for Clouseau's apparent inability to make any progress?

linda
23rd-April-2003, 04:51 PM
"Look, I was dancing with Brady last night,"

Hi Stuart

How did the young man do as my replacement?:nice: I did hear he was reluctant to put his head on your shoulder during the Tango:wink: and what about the kissing stuff with Brian?:what: Although I also hear kissing is not allowed any more :tears: :tears: but look on the bright side, no danger of those cold sores you were so worried about!! About Brady being dead or alive, I don't think it's wise to upset Miss Marple, you might just be the next victim:eek: :eek: Heather and I are maintaining a stoic silence on the subject of the Singing Nuns just in case she wants 'nun of our nonsense':wink: :wink:

Linda

:hug: (look no kisses)

John S
23rd-April-2003, 10:49 PM
Just wanted to echo the previous comments by Graham, Tramp etc appreciating the Mysterious Miss Marple's inventiveness and sheer hard work putting this storyline together (but her "dinosaur of the dance floor" comment was a bit too near the truth to be comfortable! Lounge lizard, maybe.)

Anyway, it is very odd that despite their deaths, Chicklet and Brady still seem to be getting out and about. Maybe they're zombies, or doppelgangers.

And when Miss Marple eventually reveals herself, will it be in public, or only to the two inept inspectors? (I didn't think a lot of people knew about Brady and Sherwin's unorthodox sleeping arrangements in Blackpool, so that might narrow the suspects?????)

Steven
23rd-April-2003, 10:53 PM
Genius!!!!

Well I escaped suspicion for the first murder but obviously not the second!!

Well the Secret Society of Silver Ceroc Shoes (SSSCS) isn't that secret anymore :reallymad

But as stuart said brady looked fit and well to me last night.

Cheers
Steven

:cheers:

Heather
23rd-April-2003, 10:54 PM
:D :D Brady and Sherwin!!!? Is there more to this story John, what do you know that we don't?? Anyway,I thought the story mentioned Steven?
:kiss:
Heather,
XX

CJ
25th-April-2003, 02:35 PM
Can't help but feel our unwitting (or is that witless) detectives have been very quiet of late... Do they have any clues or are they fumbling around in the dark.

Us forum members need to know, cos it could be any one of you, I mean us, next.:wink:

Franck
25th-April-2003, 02:44 PM
Originally posted by Ceroc Jock
Can't help but feel our unwitting (or is that witless) detectives have been very quiet of late... Do they have any clues or are they fumbling around in the dark. Hmmm, well, I am still reeling from being called a nincompoop! :really:

After extensive interviews with witnesses, I am no further forward but I do have a headache :what:

Based on current evidence, the only suspect to have been near both victims was Emma the red minx, who was at the Chocolate party, and then in London when Brady was there too!!!! Make that what you will, but I wonder if there were traces of print chemicals on the victims!

Inspecteur Clouseau.

Franck
25th-April-2003, 02:49 PM
Aha, on further investigation, it looks like another suspect was near both victims...

BTC Bill... Now allegedly, he did not make the Chocolate party, but do we believe that? was he there in disguise feeling threatened enough and hurt by Chicklet's lack of reaction to his BTC Blues dancing?

We know he was in London, and was seen causing (double) trouble with Brady in Hipsters! Maybe a case of eliminating the competition... Hmmm

So many questions!

Inspecteur Clouseau.

TheTramp
25th-April-2003, 02:50 PM
Originally posted by Franck
Based on current evidence, the only suspect to have been near both victims was Emma the red minx, who was at the Chocolate party, and then in London when Brady was there too!!!! Make that what you will, but I wonder if there were traces of print chemicals on the victims!

Inspecteur Clouseau. Well. Based on past performance, I'd say the only thing that this post can possibly do is totally rule Emma out of the murder equation as a suspect.

Steve

Chicklet
25th-April-2003, 02:58 PM
Originally posted by Franck

? was he there in disguise feeling threatened enough and hurt by Chicklet's lack of reaction to his BTC Blues dancing? On dit "NON".

pas une solution plausible, personne allant croire cela !!!!!!:D :devil:

Chicklet
25th-April-2003, 03:01 PM
I must need an early night - I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA why I just wrote that in (probably very poor) French!!!!!!!!!:confused: :confused: :confused: :sorry

LOL :D

Franck
25th-April-2003, 03:18 PM
Originally posted by Chicklet
On dit "NON".

pas une solution plausible, personne allant croire cela !!!!!!:D :devil: Peut-être... mais si je me souviens bien, cette soirée, la concurrence pour le titre de MQC (Meilleur Que le Chocolat) était très intense, avec beaucoup de candidats :D :D

Clouseau (Inspecteur).

P.S. Très bon français... :nice: :waycool:

Chicklet
25th-April-2003, 03:28 PM
je, j'ai seulement vu une course d'un cheval avec un gagnant clair!!! mais mieux garder ceci, un petit secret entre nous Franck

TheTramp
25th-April-2003, 03:37 PM
So. Who's going to provide the interpretations, in case we've missed something interesting.

Although, given the people posting, that doesn't seem very likely :D

:kiss: :hug:

Steve

Chicklet
25th-April-2003, 03:41 PM
I'm doing "special" sign language translation at the web cam specially for you right now Steve:kiss: :wink:

Oh, what's that, Franck hasn't given you a web cam???

(NB you were of course correct, mid Friday afternoon I'm very unlikely to post anything verging on useful or interesting :D :D )

TheTramp
25th-April-2003, 03:46 PM
Originally posted by Chicklet
I'm doing "special" sign language translation at the web cam specially for you right now Steve:kiss: :wink:*laughs*


Oh, what's that, Franck hasn't given you a web cam???

(NB you were of course correct, mid Friday afternoon I'm very unlikely to post anything verging on useful or interesting :D :D ) Actually, I do have a web cam. Why? You want to watch? :na:

Steve

Chicklet
25th-April-2003, 03:49 PM
Originally posted by TheTramp

Actually, I do have a web cam. Why? You want to watch? :na:

Steve

I'm not old enough and Franck doesn't have a license for that and as soon as I'd posted I was sure you WOULD have a web cam, just a sixth sense I must have.

Glad I can still make you laugh this far into our engagement!!:waycool: :D

TheTramp
25th-April-2003, 03:56 PM
Do you see dead people too then?? :what:

Steve

Chicklet
25th-April-2003, 03:58 PM
only in the mirror with Brady standing behind me.

TheTramp
25th-April-2003, 04:06 PM
Do you do that a lot then?

(Stare at mirrors with Brady behind you). :devil:

Steve

Wendy
25th-April-2003, 04:06 PM
Originally posted by Chicklet
only in the mirror with Brady standing behind me. Now if he'd had his hands over your eyes.... oh sorry getting him mixed up with Dave H ....who would have you blindfolded if he was dead and standing behind you..... oh no I've overdosed on caffeine again.....

Wxxx

Chicklet
25th-April-2003, 04:14 PM
***gives in goodnaturedly with grin***


I am actually really tired this afternoon having spent the morning working on a real pain in the ar*e and very late National Statistics form and believe it or not I really wasn't being naughty with the mirror, but now you horrible pair have made me picture loads of REALLY naughty things and I need a wee lie down.

:D :D

TheTramp
25th-April-2003, 04:16 PM
and believe it or not I really wasn't being naughty with the mirrorNot. :devil: :na: :drool:

Steve

Chicklet
25th-April-2003, 04:18 PM
:innocent: :innocent: :innocent: :innocent:

TheTramp
25th-April-2003, 04:20 PM
Sorry Chickie.

:innocent: just doesn't wash.

And I haven't even met you since you started posting on the forum!! :na: :hug:

Steve

Grant
25th-April-2003, 04:24 PM
Originally posted by Chicklet
I really wasn't being naughty with the mirror, but now you horrible pair have made me picture loads of REALLY naughty things and I need a wee lie down.

:D :D

And you an engaged woman... or should that be in the past tense now?:wink:

Grant

Chicklet
25th-April-2003, 04:26 PM
But I'm sticking to my guns on this one. normally I'm inexplicably proud of my abilities with the double and triple entendre but the mirror one was pure.

I was picturing a Harry Potter big mirror thing, and all concerned were fully clothed!!!


poor Chickie.

hung for a lamb.:tears: :tears: :D

TheTramp
25th-April-2003, 04:33 PM
Awwww. Poor Chickie :tears: :tears: :hug:

Steve

Chicklet
25th-April-2003, 04:35 PM
awwww Trampie - What big hands you've got!!!!!!!!!!!

eyes left!

LOL:D

TheTramp
25th-April-2003, 04:45 PM
Actually, I do have pretty big hands.

Can reach an octave and 4 on the piano (C-F) :D

Steve

Emma
25th-April-2003, 09:32 PM
Originally posted by TheTramp
Well. Based on past performance, I'd say the only thing that this post can possibly do is totally rule Emma out of the murder equation as a suspect.

Steve

See? I'm innocent. Totally. Steve said so *smug look* Though I'm not sure if that thingy about performance is a slur on my (otherwise blameless *ahem*) character. Mind you, people with upcoming performances probably shouldn't throw rocks, Steven...*teacher look*. Good luck on Sunday :p

Bill
28th-April-2003, 06:40 PM
Originally posted by Miss Marple
The Plot Thickens

BTC BILL

Acutely aware of his advancing years, and that time was rapidly running out to retain top place in the BTC Top Ten Excuse me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek:

Just found this thread and enjoyed the two scenarios enormously... except of course for such an outrageous comment. :rolleyes:

The author clearly has very poor eyesight so we're looking for a 'national' dancer, based in Scotland who knows everyone pretty well but has poor eyesight and regards a man in his prime, only just out of his teens as a bit old :eek:

and by the way who spilled the beans about the stockings and suspenders :rolleyes: ;)

spot
29th-April-2003, 07:52 AM
Originally posted by Bill
The author clearly has very poor eyesight so we're looking for a 'national' dancer, based in Scotland who knows everyone pretty well but has poor eyesight and regards a man in his prime, only just out of his teens as a bit old :eek: Bill, he is clearly jealous and sees you as competition he can't beat. He is only saying your ageing to give you a complex about getting old - just as he already has. !!! :wink:

I say he, because I think miss marple is a man. A man over 55, with as you say poor eyesight, knows the Glasgow & Dundee scene pretty well, but I think you have his location the wrong way round. He is not necessarily living in Scotland at the moment, hence using the term "the Nations capital" !!!!
Still reads the forum, was in Blackpool, and could easily get the gen on what happened at the Glasgow party by speaking to the relevant ones, even although he wasn't there !!!!
Bear in mind that Brady was at the Glasgow party then went to London. Who did Brady speak to (from Scotland) and did he mention the Glasgow party to them. Who from Scotland was in London that week. (apart from yourself)
The reason I think he is over 55 is the use of the word "nincompoop" very old term that is, not a word you hear very often. But have heard it used by this gent.
and by the way who spilled the beans about the stockings and suspenders :rolleyes: ;) Not guilty :innocent:
( I think miss marple is also jealous about you wearing fran's stockings & suspenders.) :wink: :devil:

John S
29th-April-2003, 10:52 AM
Originally posted by spot
I think miss marple is a man.
So ... another element to the mystery - a talking dog suddenly appears with accusations of transvestism. Whatever next?
:what:

Twinkle Toes
30th-April-2003, 01:40 AM
Originally posted by John S
So ... another element to the mystery - a talking dog suddenly appears with accusations of transvestism. Whatever next?:rofl:

Well that will rule you out John, since you're only in your 40s :nice: :innocent: :hug:

John S
30th-April-2003, 10:28 AM
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes
Well that will rule you out John, since you're only in your 40s
If only - I suspect I may expire of natural causes before Miss Marple gets around to bumping me off!!!! :( :(

Anyway TT, I know you were just being kind and it's not really time for your annual eyetest - but you have the advantage over me as I don't recognise you under your alias!

Twinkle Toes
30th-April-2003, 05:12 PM
Originally posted by John S
Anyway TT, I know you were just being kind and it's not really time for your annual eyetest - but you have the advantage over me as I don't recognise you under your alias! Well John, if you were looking into my eyes instead of under my alias, you would see the twinkle in them !!!

TT :D :wink:

Bill
30th-April-2003, 05:36 PM
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes
Well John, if you were looking into my eyes instead of under my alias, you would see the twinkle in them !!!

TT :D :wink: Right John, if you see her twinkling alias make sure you tell everyone. I'll bet it looks great :sorry :D

John S
30th-April-2003, 05:45 PM
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes
[QUOTE]Originally posted by John S
Well John, if you were looking into my eyes instead of under my alias, you would see the twinkle in them !!!
TT :D :wink:

So.... I've been looking under your alias, have I? Was I surprised by what I saw? Should I do it again?
:what:

Twinkle Toes
1st-May-2003, 01:49 AM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Bill
Right John, if you see her twinkling alias make sure you tell everyone. I'll bet it looks great :sorry :D


No No No Bill ....... :eek:

that will be the diamond studs on my g-string !!! :devil:

Look into my eyes ..... look into my eyes ......!!!!!

:wink: :wink:

Twinkle Toes
1st-May-2003, 02:33 AM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by John S
So.... I've been looking under your alias, have I? Was I surprised by what I saw?

Well it's hard to tell really, what with your eyes popping out and you must have been needing a drink, cause you were kinda panting like a rampant dog. I just remember telling you to wipe the slavers from your mouth, cause you were beginning to make an awfull mess on the floor.

Should I do it again? :what:

.... only if you like living dangerously !!! :wink: :wink:

TT
(Pinched this nut kicker from Steve)

John S
1st-May-2003, 09:33 AM
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes
Well it's hard to tell really, what with your eyes popping out and you must have been needing a drink, cause you were kinda panting like a rampant dog. I just remember telling you to wipe the slavers from your mouth, cause you were beginning to make an awfull mess on the floor.
Nah, don't kid yourself, that was just with the heat in Marco's.
:yum:

Wendy
1st-May-2003, 09:38 AM
Originally posted by John S
Nah, don't kid yourself, that was just with the heat in Marco's.
Thought you said it was because you were dancing with me !!! :tears: :reallymad :tears: :reallymad :tears: :reallymad :wink:

Wxxx

Bill
1st-May-2003, 11:12 AM
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes
that will be the diamond studs on my g-string !!! :devil:

Look into my eyes ..... look into my eyes ......!!!!!

:wink: :wink: [/B]

As I'm a gentleman I would only look into your eyes :rolleyes: :wink:

but diamond studs..........................:sorry :yum: ...... I would glance perhaps, if invited, but only becuase I'm interested in clothes and ...well..... emm.... can I have dance soon ????:na: :D

Twinkle Toes
1st-May-2003, 12:53 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Bill
but diamond studs..........................:sorry :yum: ...... I would glance perhaps, if invited, but only becuase I'm interested in clothes and ...well..... emm.... can I have dance soon ????

Ok I'll make a deal, you show me your skimpy leopard skin one first, and I'll lay on the diamonds !!! :sorry :devil:

... and how could I resist a dance with BTC Bill. I'm all yours for at least 4 minutes according to wild Wendy.

TT

Wendy
1st-May-2003, 01:03 PM
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Bill
[B]... and how could I resist a dance with BTC Bill. I'm all yours for at least 4 minutes according to wild Wendy. No, he's all MINE for 4 minutes according to me.... I can't begin to imagine how long you'll have him for with talk of aliases and g-strings and stuff ....jeez.... And how can you call me wild TT ??.. I just try to get them to look into my eyes a little....:innocent:

Wxxx

Bill
1st-May-2003, 01:48 PM
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes
Ok I'll make a deal, you show me your skimpy leopard skin one first, and I'll lay on the diamonds !!! :sorry :devil:

... and how could I resist a dance with BTC Bill. I'm all yours for at least 4 minutes according to wild Wendy.erm..................:D :what: :eek: ........and lots of other appropriate expressisons!!

now where did I put that leopard skin................. and odd how my dance with Wendy seemed to be far longer than 4 mins !:innocent: ...........but what a 4 mins it was :D

Wendy
1st-May-2003, 01:58 PM
:confused: :what: Who me ?? What ? :innocent:

(tra la la ....Trust in me.... tra la la)

Wxxxx

Franck
1st-May-2003, 02:14 PM
As Inspecteur Clouseau, it is my duty to issue a warning to all of you travelling down to London for the Ceroc Champs. Please remember a killer is on the loose, so be vigilant, be careful, and stay away from Chocolate!

It is very likely the killer will strike again, and indeed probably during the Champs, so keep your eyes peeled, and report all suspicious behaviour to me!

I. Clouseau

Graham
1st-May-2003, 02:20 PM
Thanks for your massage. I'll be sure to keep witching.

TheTramp
1st-May-2003, 02:37 PM
Originally posted by Franck
As Inspecteur Clouseau, it is my duty to issue a warning to all of you travelling down to London for the Ceroc Champs. Please remember a killer is on the loose, so be vigilant, be careful, and stay away from Chocolate!
Is that just chocolate Franck? Or anything better than....??

Steve

Chicklet
1st-May-2003, 02:39 PM
and what about lasagne Franck - is it safe to nibble the lasagne.......:devil: :devil: :wink: :wink:

TheTramp
1st-May-2003, 02:41 PM
And what about the Washing Up???

Steve

Franck
1st-May-2003, 02:47 PM
Originally posted by Chicklet
and what about lasagne Franck - is it safe to nibble the lasagne.......:devil: :devil: :wink: :wink: Well, Lasagne should be fine, as long as it is fresh and home-made :wink: :drool: :yum:

As for better than chocolate, I advise everyone to steer clear of that kind of 'debauchery'... stick with the Combs I say!

Franck.

P.S. Graham, not sure what you meant by 'massage' above? :really:

Chicklet
1st-May-2003, 02:50 PM
Originally posted by Franck
Well, Lasagne should be fine, as long as it is fresh and home-made :wink: :drool: :yum: I will make a point of asking it if it's fresh before I attempt to nibble it but I think we both know the answer to that one!!!:wink: :drool: :yum:

TheTramp
1st-May-2003, 02:55 PM
Originally posted by Franck
P.S. Graham, not sure what you meant by 'massage' above? :really: No comment on whether it's ok to Wash Up then Franck?? :tears:

As for Graham's comment. Did you never watch 'Allo 'Allo with the policeman who spoke in a 'French' accent??

Steve

Chicklet
1st-May-2003, 02:59 PM
Miss Marple will go balistic at this for a hijacking but NEW GAME - who plays all the characters in Forum Forum then?

Chicklet
1st-May-2003, 03:06 PM
OK, so that went down a storm.....I'll do one to start but I'm not going to play on my own.....was thinking there would be characters such as

"the Blue Nun" - for which we may need to hold an audition as I believe we have two or three candidates.....etc???

Franck
1st-May-2003, 03:07 PM
Originally posted by TheTramp
No comment on whether it's ok to Wash Up then Franck?? :tears:

As for Graham's comment. Did you never watch 'Allo 'Allo with the policeman who spoke in a 'French' accent?? Ah, yes... ze femous French acsent of Inspecteur Clouseau...

I was starting to think that Graham was asking for a massage :really:

Re. the Washing Up thing, I should think that was quite safe... just get someone to test the water for you first.

Franck.

Chicklet
1st-May-2003, 03:09 PM
I know I'm having a slow day today but Trampie, for what, exactly, is "washing up" a euphamism???

:confused: :confused:

TheTramp
1st-May-2003, 03:11 PM
Ummm. Look left.

I couldn't possibly ever hope to join the ranks of the BTC brigade.

So, I settled for being BTWU :D

(Didn't we do this already? I seem to recall Better than Wugby Union).....

Steve

Chicklet
1st-May-2003, 03:15 PM
yes I got that but I just thought i'd check if it might have had a hidden meaning between you and Franck....doesn't matter....I'm inserting too much depth now.

:sorry

TheTramp
1st-May-2003, 03:16 PM
Originally posted by Chicklet
yes I got that but I just thought i'd check if it might have had a hidden meaning between you and Franck....doesn't matter....I'm inserting too much depth now.

:sorry Did I miss something?? :innocent: :innocent:

Steve

Bill
1st-May-2003, 04:08 PM
excuse me........................ am I the only sober one round here?

Has everyone gone mad; is everyone smoking some dodgy substances or do folk just not have nay work to do :what:

I'll maybe re-read all the messages ( or massages perhaps :wink: ) when I've had several glasses of wine. maybe I'll understand what the hell is going on......:D :na:

anyway I still haven't recovered from my 4 minutes with Wendy and the thought of a diamond covered g-string. Goodness, I've gone all funny again......................................

Chicklet
1st-May-2003, 04:19 PM
Originally posted by Bill
Has everyone gone mad; is everyone smoking some dodgy substances or do folk just not have nay work to do :what: Probably just a bit over excited about the weekend!!!!!!!
Trying hard to work as well, but not toooo hard, obviously.:innocent:


Wine might just make it worse:eek:

Dance Demon
1st-May-2003, 04:28 PM
Originally posted by Bill
excuse me........................ am I the only sober one round here?

Has everyone gone mad; is everyone smoking some dodgy substances or do folk just not have nay work to do :what: Nah Bill!!.they're all office types and accountants and things...never done a hard days work in their lives...............:devil: :devil: :na:

Twinkle Toes
1st-May-2003, 05:02 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Bill
excuse me........................ am I the only sober one round here?

Has everyone gone mad; is everyone smoking some dodgy substances or do folk just not have nay work to do :what:

I'll maybe re-read all the messages ( or massages perhaps :wink: ) when I've had several glasses of wine. maybe I'll understand what the hell is going on......:D :na:

anyway I still haven't recovered from my 4 minutes with Wendy and the thought of a diamond covered g-string. Goodness, I've gone all funny again......................................


Don't you fret Bill, if you're at Marco's tonight, I'll look after you. (But ssshh - don't tell Wendy about our triple slot)


:drool: :yum: :wink:

TT

Miss Marple
1st-May-2003, 06:21 PM
THE MURDERER STRIKES AGAIN.

No nearer to discovering the identity of the architect of Brady and Chicklets' demise, the two bungling inspectors are now faced with the further, added complication of a new double murder investigation.
Inspectors Clouseau and Gadget were yesterday called to a crime scene in the home town of Inspector Gadget. The unfortunate victims were positively identified as none other than the affable Aberdonians BTC Bill and Dave'Gammie Leg' Hancock, erstwhile mafia accountant.

The deceased were discovered , already dead, hanging by their stockings and suspenders and covered in chocolate body paint, in the Granite City's Beach Ballroom. Wee Maggie, the cleaner who had made the devastating discovery, was said to be stunned and could not understand why anyone would wish to waste such a vast quantity of chocolate body paint, when she could have put it to much better use!!
The dashing duo appeared to have been holding secret rehearsals for a cabaret item to be performed at the Midsummer MAdness Party to be held in June. It would appear that the scene presented to Clouseau and Gadget was one more akin to Midsommer Murders.

Perplexed and puzzled by the latest turn of events, the inspectors were seen leaving the Church of the Spirit, where they had attempted , with the help of a clever clairvoyant, to get a cheep out of Chicklet or some celestial inspiration from the Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Inspector Gadget continues to interview the MAd Crew in their convenient location of Dundee, whilst Clouseau resumes his investigations in Aberdeen, Glasgow and elsewhere in the country.

The inspectors are now convinced that they are dealing with a psychotic, cereal killer and urge members of the public to be vigilant, in particular to be on the look-out for persons with a penchant for chocolate, as this would appear to be the link between the killings.
The inspectors continue their investigations into a diminishing list of possible suspects.


BOMBAY BAD BOY.

Having tripped him up,injuring his leg, chipping his sparkling white teeth , ruining his stunning good looks, and cheeky boyish smile, thus preventing him from taking up the starring role in the forthcoming Bollywood Blockbuster " Kama Sutra - The Musical", had Sherwin resorted to murder? Cheated out of this outstanding opportunity of super stardom, had the Bombay Bad Boy, reverted to his former cookery skills and transformed the duo into a chocolate fondue?

THE TRAMP

With the intention of moving North of the Border in his search for a bride, had the Tramp arranged the demise of these eligible bachelors, after all, what chance would a 'portly, balding beginner' have against the luscious BTC Bill, Aberdeen's answer to Peter Stringfellow, with his steamy,sexy blues moves and red high heels,and the extremely strokeable, bald pate and athletic physique, developed whilst running to keep up with the Mafia, of the outrageous flirt and ladies man Dave Hancock, whose "lunchbox" would give Linford Christie a run for his money? Had the Tramp decided to eliminate his competition, in the event that the only 'bride' he might claim was Dr Frankenstein's ex?

THE SINGING, DANCING NUNS

Having almost succumbed to the renounciation of their vow of celibacy, under the spell of the devilishly handsome duo,with their hypnotic 'come to bed' eyes and vocal rendition of 'Trust in Me', did the virtuous ladies decide to have nun of it and resort to creative use of lingerie and chocolate spread in order to safeguard themselves from seduction?

SHEENA.

Incensed at the discovery that Dave, with his extremely strokeable bald pate, and Bill with his equally strokeable lycra vests, were planning to perform a surprise double trouble spectacular cabaret item at the Midsummmer MAdness Party, plagiarising Sheena's original Hip Hop version of Ave Maria, featuring fellow MAd Crew members Linda and Heather in Nuns Habits, was the caressable choreographer hip hopping MAd enough to perpetrate such a perfidious crime?

JOHN SIMPSON.

Did this lounge lizard, who harboured a smouldering passion for the voluptuous Wendy, become incensed and distraught when a video recording of her cavorting in a compromising 'double trouble' position with the chocolate Casanovas, came into his possession? Failing miserably in his attempts to rejuvinate his appearance by growing a beard, did this chamelion of the dancefloor turn from green with envy, to red with rage, on viewing the X-Rated recording of the sultry, seductress in compromising video scenes? Was this enough for John to arrange starring roles in a death scenario for the hapless Aberdonians?

CJ the DJ

Despite his best efforts to get in touch with his 'feminine side',as Widow Twanky at the Glasgow Christmas Party, CJ realised that he failed miserably in comparison to BTC Bill and Dave, who were both adept in their ability to follow a male lead and looked much better in women's clothes. Did jealousy provide the motive for Glasgow's answer to Lily Savage,to play the last waltz for the transvestite twosome?

WENDY.

Fiercely demanding, possessive and controlling of her BTC dancing team, did this Dancing Dominatrix resort to murder when she became aware of Bill and Dave's dastardly plan to seduce the Celibate Sisters? Had she come to the realisation that the gruesome twosome had an unhealthy interest in the contents of her underwear drawer? Was she unable to cope with the knowledge that Bill looked better in red shoes than she did?
She was overheard murmuring to herself " Here, the smell of Chocolate still;All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand". Was she merely rehearsing for her part as a dancing Lady Macbeth in the Glasgow Amateur Dramatic Society's adaptation of Shakespeare's Scottish Play, or was she vainly attempting to erase the chocolate body paint from her guilty hands? Was 'Murder on the Dancefloor' destined to become an integral part of her'Soundtrack of Life'?

STEVEN

Did the Grand Master of SSSCS infamy, decide to expel the Aberdonian pair from the Sacred Brotherhood, for bringing the Society into disrepute, on discovery of Bill's predeliction for ladies stiletto footwear and Dave's unhealthy interest in impersonating women whilst dancing? Would these peculiar pecadilloes preclude their passage to the Sacred Rites of the Ceroc Shoe Shuffle? In an attempt to prevent the perverse pair from pronouncing the Secrets of the Inner Sanctum, by prattling to the Press and Journal, did the p..p...p..pathelogical p..p..p..penguin p..p..p..perpetrate this hideous crime?

GRAHAM

Had Wendy's brooding, strong, silent partner finally snapped, when he discovered the X-Rated copy of the double trouble video, wife Wendy had been making with Bill and Dave? Was the thought of public humiliation, as his wife's infidelity was flaunted on film for all to see on the Playboy Channel, too much for him to bear? Had Graham decided that it was high time Wendy's BTC Team was relegated to the heavenly football division in the sky?

BLUE 34.

Was the threat of more than Victoria's Secrets being made public knowledge, when Bill and Dave discovered Blue34's fetish for wearing items of ladies lingerie under his 'Officer and a Gentleman' outfit? Did their discovery that Blue34 was the possessor of an Anne Summmers Platinum Store Card, enough for him to dispose of the troublesome twosome, rather than suffer public ridicule?



WHO KILLED BTC BILL AND DAVE "GAMMIE LEG" HANCOCK?
IS DETECTIVE CLOUSEAU MORE CLUELESS THAN CLUED UP? WHAT IS THE REAL REASON FOR INSPECTOR GADGETS FREQUENT VISITS TO DUNDEE?
SHOULD THE INSPECTORS ATTEMPT TO SUMMON THE HELP OF RANDALL AND HOPKIRK(DECEASED) OR WOULD THIS BE A GRAVE MISTAKE?
WHAT IS THE IDENTITY OF THE CEREAL PSYCHOPATHIC KILLER?
IS MISS MARPLE A MAN, OR IS SHE TRULY A LADY?

Wendy
1st-May-2003, 06:26 PM
Originally posted by Bill
anyway I still haven't recovered from my 4 minutes with Wendy and the thought of a diamond covered g-string. Goodness, I've gone all funny again...................................... I think you've just had first senior moment, Bill :tears: John S gets like that every time he dances with me too and when he looks under TT's alias of course !!! :wink:

Wxxxx

Miss Marple
1st-May-2003, 06:26 PM
For the attention of Chicklet who it would appear is even more vociferous in the after life, than when she fluttered on this mortal plain, A WORD OF WARNING , Do not even THINK about hi-jacking Miss Marples murder thread!!!!!!
Miss Marple.

TheTramp
1st-May-2003, 07:30 PM
THE TRAMP

With the intention of moving North of the Border in his search for a bride,*COUGH* Pardon?!?

So. Now we know who Miss Marple is. She's the most recent escapee from a home for the mentally deranged!!

Steve

Graham
1st-May-2003, 09:52 PM
Originally posted by Miss Marple
Perplexed and puzzled by the latest turn of events, the inspectors were seen leaving the Church of the Spirit, where they had attempted , with the help of a clever clairvoyant, to get a cheep out of Chicklet or some celestial inspiration from the Yankee Doodle Dandy. Perhaps the less-than-dynamic duo should consult a priest for assistance in exorcising Chicklet, who as you observed continues her squawking seemingly undeterred by interment. :wink: :devil:

Chicklet
2nd-May-2003, 08:37 AM
I'm just a lttle Chickie
Up in heaven sittin pretty
With three fine, fine cocks

We dance the blues away
So I'm happy here to stay
With three fine, fine cocks

One fine **** built the hen house
One fine **** counts the seed
The daddy fine ****, he feeds me chocky all day
So I've got everything I need

We practise tripple trouble in the morning
And listen to some music til the night
Then one says "Chickie, do you wanna rock some?"
And I say "Gorgeous, you know I just might!"

So I've no gripe about the murders,
In fact I'm mighty pleased with who's been done,
Cos if I'd had to pick three dead companions,
I couldn't have picked three men with nicer bums


But I'm just a little Chickie
Up in heaven sitting pretty
With three FINE, FINE cocks.

TheTramp
2nd-May-2003, 08:40 AM
Ooo-er.... :what: :sorry

Steve

Chicklet
2nd-May-2003, 08:56 AM
Nothing ooer about it Steve, that would all be in your mind.:innocent:


Seriously, MM possibly the best yet. The observation, the wit, the alliteration, the use of the word "peccadillo"!!!!!(one of my all time favourites, weirdly enough) are all sublime.

Great respect.

And the hijacking attempt earlier was a bad mistake, but it crashed and burned badly so just desert of humble pie has been eaten!!!

Long may you continue!!!

Cx

TheTramp
2nd-May-2003, 09:08 AM
Originally posted by Chicklet
Nothing ooer about it Steve
That's a first for you then Chickie :na:

Steve

Dave Hancock
2nd-May-2003, 10:08 AM
Can't believe both Bill and I are dead, guess that rules out any chance of us doing a spotlight number at the Beach Ballroom, och well didn't really care for Bill in those red high heals and suspenders anyway:wink: :wink:

Well done though MM, absolutely wonderfully well written and CAG like the verse:D

Chicklet
2nd-May-2003, 10:12 AM
Originally posted by Dave Hancock

CAG like the verse:D

Dave, you KNOW there's an F in that!!!!!

Dave Hancock
2nd-May-2003, 10:22 AM
CAFG - I do believe you're correct, many apologies :sorry :sorry, can you forgive me???

Am off before this thread gets hijacked as am enjoying it very much

Chicklet
2nd-May-2003, 10:29 AM
Originally posted by Dave Hancock
CAFG - I do believe you're correct, many apologies :sorry :sorry, can you forgive me???



I'm sure you'll think of a suitable way to make it up to me......

Jayne
2nd-May-2003, 11:23 AM
Originally posted by Miss Marple
THE MURDERER STRIKES AGAIN.
The unfortunate victims were positively identified as none other than the affable Aberdonians BTC Bill and Dave'Gammie Leg' Hancock, erstwhile mafia accountant.


:tears: :tears: :tears: :tears:

The Famale Scottish Dancing community unites in grief....

Oh hang on... what am I doing here...

J (dressed in black with mascara smudges down my cheeks...)
:what:

Dave Hancock
2nd-May-2003, 11:25 AM
Originally posted by Jayne
:tears: :tears: :tears: :tears:

The Famale Scottish Dancing community unites in grief....


JLD
Is the Scottish Female Dancing community equally upset???

Jayne
2nd-May-2003, 11:26 AM
Originally posted by Dave Hancock
JLD
Is the Scottish Female Dancing community equally upset???

The two committees will meet later to discuss the matter...

J :tears:

Dave Hancock
2nd-May-2003, 11:28 AM
So I'd be safe to presume that both COMMUNITIES have COMMITTEES set up??

Chicklet
2nd-May-2003, 11:38 AM
Originally posted by Dave Hancock
So I'd be safe to presume that both COMMUNITIES have COMMITTEES set up??

Check with Heather but you might be better to ASSUME.

Dave Hancock
2nd-May-2003, 11:41 AM
Originally posted by Chicklet
Check with Heather but you might be better to ASSUME.
:na: :na: :na: :na:

Jayne
2nd-May-2003, 11:50 AM
Originally posted by Dave Hancock
So I'd be safe to presume that both COMMUNITIES have COMMITTEES set up??

your point caller?

Dreadful Scathe
2nd-May-2003, 12:05 PM
Originally posted by Jayne
your point caller?

someone said...

Is the Scottish Female Dancing community equally upset???
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you replied..

The two committees will meet later to discuss the matter...

so Dave asked the perfectly valid question asking if this meant that each community had a committee - i think we should know, sounds like a lot of red tape to me. :)

If there are 'quangos' or 'teams' can i be on one, theres usually donuts at these things :)

Dave Hancock
2nd-May-2003, 12:09 PM
DS,

Wonderfully well put, was thinking of putting something like this down myself but not too good at the manipulation of the quotes

Cheers

Wendy
2nd-May-2003, 12:16 PM
Originally posted by Dave Hancock
not too good at the manipulation of the quotes Tried to explain and it came out all wrong...

Wx

Dreadful Scathe
2nd-May-2003, 12:19 PM
Originally posted by Wendy
Tried to explain and it came out all wrong...

Wx


noooo wendy i read it before you edited it - was just about to say it was brilliant description - you could teach html :D :D


edit it back right now!!! :)

Jayne
2nd-May-2003, 12:22 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
someone said...

Is the Scottish Female Dancing community equally upset???
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you replied..

The two committees will meet later to discuss the matter...

so Dave asked the perfectly valid question asking if this meant that each community had a committee - i think we should know, sounds like a lot of red tape to me. :)

If there are 'quangos' or 'teams' can i be on one, theres usually donuts at these things :)

Aha, I thought he was trying to get at my English (again).

You're not a girl so you can't be on the committe. Sexist I know but tough luck!

I can sneak some donuts out of a meeting for you though....

J :na:

Wendy
2nd-May-2003, 12:28 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
noooo wendy i read it before you edited it - was just about to say it was brilliant description - you could teach html :D :D

edit it back right now!!! :) **** I tried !!!!!!!!! Still doesn't work !! :tears: :tears: :tears:

Wxxxx

Gadget
2nd-May-2003, 12:52 PM
Originally posted by Wendy
**** I tried !!!!!!!!! Still doesn't work !! :tears: :tears: :tears:
isn't there an FAQ that answers all these things?

{As for the quotes; you just need to bracket everything said by one person in a [ QUOTE ] text [ /QUOTE ] set of brackets - you can even scroll down your reply to see what was said before and select that text to copy (&LTctrl&GTC) and paste (&LTctrl&GTV) into your post.
What bugs me is that the "vb code" buttons above the reply put the tags at the end of the text instead of where the cursor is.}

Franck
2nd-May-2003, 01:28 PM
Originally posted by Gadget
isn't there an FAQ that answers all these things? Yep, that would be the f.a.q. link at the top of every page... :nice:
Good explanation though... all you need to understand when quoting or using any style / colour is that the text you want to modify needs to be between a [start] tag and an [/end] tag (note the '/' for the end tag). That way, you can just type [color=red] then your text. When you get to the end of the coloured bit, put an end tag and voila! (same with [ quote], [ b ] for bold, [ i ] for italic, [ size=3 ] etc...)

Originally posted by Gadget
What bugs me is that the "vb code" buttons above the reply put the tags at the end of the text instead of where the cursor is.} Well, power users would not click at all on the buttons, but would type the code direct from the keyboard :wink: most of them are fairly memorable... but I agree with you, that feature (bug?) is fairly irritating :D

Franck.

Graham
2nd-May-2003, 01:34 PM
To save a bit of time, for anyone who's really interested, here's (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/misc.php?s=&action=bbcode) a direct link to the relevant page.

Dreadful Scathe
2nd-May-2003, 01:39 PM
Originally posted by Graham
To save a bit of time, for anyone who's really interested, here's (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/misc.php?s=&action=bbcode) a direct link to the relevant page. Carefully hidden in your sentence in fact lol

Anyway for those that missed it - Wendys description was that you start with a girl tag and end with a boy tag which i thought was brilliant :D :D

Rachel
2nd-May-2003, 01:54 PM
Originally posted by Franck
I was starting to think that Graham was asking for a massage :really:
Franck. Ah, these foreigners ... you have to be so careful! I once ended up (perhaps, maybe, possibly a little ****ed)on a bed with a (equally ****ed) Mexican girl I'd been working with. I had thought she wanted to send me an email 'message'. It took me a little while to realise she actually meant 'massage'. And a little longer to try and get her out of my hotel room!
Rachel

Aleks
2nd-May-2003, 01:57 PM
Originally posted by Rachel
Ah, these foreigners ... you have to be so careful! I once ended up (perhaps, maybe, possibly a little ****ed)on a bed with a (equally ****ed) Mexican girl I'd been working with. I had thought she wanted to send me an email 'message'. It took me a little while to realise she actually meant 'massage'. And a little longer to try and get her out of my hotel room!
Rachel

I would have taken the massage and then made a decision about whether I wanted to kick her our or not.........

Chicklet
2nd-May-2003, 01:58 PM
Originally posted by Bill
excuse me........................ am I the only sober one round here?

Has everyone gone mad; is everyone smoking some dodgy substances or do folk just not have nay work to do :what:

I'll maybe re-read all the messages ( or massages perhaps :wink: ) when I've had several glasses of wine. maybe I'll understand what the hell is going on......:D :na: Just before you (hopefully) start posting, may I just say that , it, er hasn't gotten any better today Bill, in fact, I'd say worse, and it's not just the Smurfs that are a bit blue today either.

Just thought I'd mention it incase you hadn't noticed haha.

Cx

Rachel
2nd-May-2003, 02:05 PM
Originally posted by Aleks
I would have taken the massage and then made a decision about whether I wanted to kick her our or not......... Sounds like a good idea, but it started getting a bit scary for my liking. She was a big strong girl!

Aleks
2nd-May-2003, 02:10 PM
Originally posted by Rachel
She was a big strong girl!

All the more reason............maybe I should shut up now:sorry :wink:

Rachel
2nd-May-2003, 02:35 PM
Originally posted by Aleks
All the more reason............ Heehee! :wink::wink:

Dreadful Scathe
2nd-May-2003, 02:46 PM
how do you spell "risqué" anyone ?

Chicklet
2nd-May-2003, 02:49 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
how do you spell "risqué" anyone ?


Tee
Ay
Tee
Uwe

maybe ???:confused: :innocent:

Rachel
2nd-May-2003, 03:17 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
how do you spell "risqué" anyone ? No, no - I didn't mean anything actually ...

Oh, you know...

Anyway, I didn't start it, it was Franck's posting - it made me laugh.

I was just confirming that you have to be careful with these accents sometimes.

Ok, I'm sorry, really truly sorry ... Must be Friday afternoon and weekend excitement getting to me!

PS - How does Chicklet manage to be so stunningly witty all the time??

Chicklet
2nd-May-2003, 03:30 PM
We just (I did tell y'all it's a franchise and there are actually 12 of us didn't I) quote directly from a big yellow book

"Chicken **** for Dummies"

and hope that on balance, more people get it than don't.
But thank you for your kind words.
Then again we often get it completely and utterly wrong so if you're taking the ****, that's fair enough too!!!!:D

Never going to be on Miss Marple's level, WHOSE WONDERFUL THREAD THIS IS bow, scrape etc.

Rachel
2nd-May-2003, 03:44 PM
Originally posted by Chicklet
Then again we often get it completely and utterly wrong so if you're taking the ****, that's fair enough too!!!!:D Definitely not! But it did take me about 5 minutes to work out your last message!!
Rachel

Dance Demon
2nd-May-2003, 04:26 PM
Originally posted by Rachel
Definitely not! But it did take me about 5 minutes to work out your last message!!
Rachel

Was that "message" or "massage" ?:wink:

Twinkle Toes
2nd-May-2003, 05:39 PM
Well some of us have been working this afternoon. Can't believe I have just had to read 3 pages of English errors !! :sad:

Mr er Miss Marple, any chance of another murder or something to get back on thread ..... just if you're not too busy that is. :sorry

:cheers:

:hug:

TT

Wendy
2nd-May-2003, 07:12 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
Wendy's description was that you start with a girl tag and end with a boy tag

Thank you DS !!!!! Someone who understands me !!!! :kiss: (So many who clearly don't :reallymad :wink: )

Wxxxx


PS Jeez... a smurf gets me... that can't be a good thing....

:confused: :what: :tears:

Twinkle Toes
3rd-May-2003, 12:09 AM
Was that another English error Wendy ? :confused: :innocent: :D

Wendy's description was that you start with a girl tag and end with a boy tag

Must say, I think that's an excellent way of explaining the quotes.

You may go to the top of the class, but since there are no gold stars, you will have to settle for these. :hug: :nice: :hug:
TT

Miss Marple
4th-May-2003, 04:53 PM
STOP PRESS

Following his visit to the Church of the Spirit, and a consultation with world famous psychic and clairvoyant, Madame Crystal, Inspector Clouseau today issued the following statement:
"We have received some valuable new information in the quest to apprehend the sinister cereal killer. Madame Crystal was able to intimate that she had indeed received communication from the spirit world, via a massage from a young American- presumably the Yankee Doodle Dandy - who issued the words of warning - 'Milk Tray'.
We have reason to believe that this could be an indication of the murderer's future intentions, and warn members of the public to be vigilant and to avoid the consumption of, and acceptance of gifts of this popular chocolate confectionery."
Madame Crystal also communicated the cryptic information that 'the chicken is roasting', - perhaps the Chicklet was not, as some poor deluded souls believed, in the Realms of Glory in the Heavenly afterlife, but was instead having her feathers ruffled by none other than Auld Nick himself!!
Inspectors Clouseau and Gadget urge members of the public to continue to be vigilant and to contact the National Crimewatch UK helpline with any relevant information.

Miss Marple.

Twinkle Toes
5th-May-2003, 12:51 AM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Miss Marple

Madame Crystal was able to intimate that she had indeed received communication from the spirit world, via a massage from a young American ..

... These massages ? are getting very popular on this forum. Mind you, I can't think of a better way of getting information out of someone - and especially done by Brady's fair hands !!!

Madame Crystal also communicated the cryptic information that 'the chicken is roasting', - perhaps the Chicklet was having her feathers ruffled by none other than Auld Nick himself!!

... nah, Chickie doesn't go for the auld yins. If she's all hot and bothered and getting her "feathers fondled" it'll be DH, Trampie and BTC Bill ... but not necessarily in that order. :devil: :yum:

:wink: :wink:

TT

Bill
6th-May-2003, 05:07 PM
ermmmmmm...................excuse me ............. but I don't really like being dead............. it's no fun :sick: :rolleyes:

can I come back as a ghost or something :what: .....or at least hurry up and tell me who did it :na:

Wendy
6th-May-2003, 06:04 PM
Originally posted by Bill
I don't really like being dead........... it's no fun ..can I come back as a ghost or something I might be next and then we can dance in the afterlife !!! Sounds like fun to me !!!

Wxxxx

Miss Marple
14th-May-2003, 09:05 PM
STOP PRESS -CEREAL KILLER STRIKES AGAIN!!

Famous French Sleuth, Inspector Clouseau and his Scottish counterpart, Inspector Gadget of the Granite City, were yesterday called to a house in southern, suburban Glasgow, where they were astounded to discover the latest victim of the now, notorious, psychotic,Cereal Killer.
On examination of the crime scene, the inspectors reported that the latest victim, Ms Wendy Law, was found slumped over her computer, whilst logged on to the Cerocscotland Forum. A half eaten box of Cadbury's Milk Tray and a cup of coffee was found at her desk, by her side.
On further examination, a team of forsenic experts concluded that, following detailed analysis of the chocolates, they were found to have been laced with lethal amounts of the deadly poison, cyanide.
Inspectors Clouseau and Gadget suspect that the killer may have been known to the victim, as there appeared to have been no sign of a forced entry to the house. Ms Law's husband of ten years, Graham,was said to be distraught and in a state of shock He was at present under heavy sedation, having consumed several bottles of special reserve.
Inspector Clouseau is preparing to interview, the ever diminishing list of suspects, whilst Inspector Gadget convieniently stops over in Dundee,in an attempt to discover the whereabouts of, and interview members of the MAd Crew.
The detectives urge members of the public to come forward with any relevant information regarding this latest heinous homicide and are particularly interested in sightings of any recent black clothed visitors to the home of Ms Law, around the time of the murder.


BOMBAY BAD BOY.

Had Sherwin, his budding film career now lying in ruins,as his starring role in Kama Sutra-The Musical, faded into a distant memory,turned to the matriarchial figure, seeking solace and comfort whilst resting his head on her ample PVC clad bosom?
Had she refused to help him rehearse the script for his forthcoming audition, for a major part in 'Oh Calcutta', dismissing him derisorily, as she was far too preoccupied with her latest conquest, Jimmy Nipples, whom she had successfully partnered at the Ceroc Championships in London? Had Wendy's ridicule and rejection produced regrettable provocation for the normally, smiling, mild-mannered Sherwin and had he meddled with the ingredients of her Milk Tray?


BLUE 34

Having discovered that he had run up a huge debt on his Anne Summers Platinum store card,had Wendy's solution that he supplement his income as a film extra in the productions, "All the Nice Boys Love a Sailor","An Officer and a Floosie",Battle of the Midriff Bulge",Admiral Hornyblower", and the Australian submarine drama, " Dive down Under", proved to be the final humiliation for Blue 34? Had the small parts he has secured in these 'B'Movies, revealed the true significance of the 'Blue' in Mr 34's Forum alias?
In a desperate attempt to maintain the squeaky,clean image, in keeping with his Daz white sailor's uniform and hold back the Tide of criticism which would inevitably follow, had Blue 34 disposed of Wendy, before she could secure the copyright and distribution rights to these villainous, vulgar videos?

SHEENA

Suspicious of Sheena's developing, unhealthy interest in husband Graham, whom Sheena had partnered in the London Cabaret, at the Ceroc Championships, was it apparent to the jealous Wendy that Sheena had designs on Graham as the leading man in Sheena's latest team cabaret offering for Musselburgh " Wuthering Heights -the Club Jive Version"? Was the dotty dominatrix afraid that the brooding Heathcliffe's passionate 'passa -doble', would transport Sheena to Undiscovered Heights ? Had she forbidden Graham to participate in this tender tableau, unless she , Wendy, took the leading role of Kate Bush, instead of the Lovely Sheena? Had Sheena, aware of Wendy's determination to have her own way, discovered the true meaning of MAd, and disposed of her rapacious rival, ensuring Wendy's grande finale was the 'Dance of the Dying Swan'.


SINGING DANCING NUNS.

On discovering that Wendy had acquired the keys to their chastity belts, whilst in London, was in secret negotiations with the head of a European Vice ring to open a Pole Dancing franchise for SAGA holiday makers and retired businessmen in Hamburg and Amsterdam, and was planning to dupe and kidnap the celibate sisters as exotic, erotic, dancers in the white slave trade, forcing them to abandon the Habits of a lifetime; had these guileless vestal virgins taken the ultimate evasive action and sent the Wanton Wendy to the Pole Dancing Club in the Sky?


JOHN SIMPSON

Following a recent visit to a Health Farm where he had discovered the merits and efficaciousness of beauty therapy and regular, daily skincare,transforming his scaley, dinosaur visage to that of a more youthful Patrick Swayze type features, had John reached the limits of twin sister Wendy's patience and Debenhams Credit Card limit, when she threatened to cut off his supply of Estee Lauder Revitalising Anti Wrinkle Youth Dew? Faced with the prospect of expensive rejuvinating plastic surgery, or discussing his skin care regime with the young, glamourous counter assistants, did John's embarrassment and rage overcome his better judgement, resulting in a crime of sororicide?


CJ THE DJ

As the only applicant in CJ's Forum advertisement for a new replacement partner,had CJ begun to realise that life with Wendy would be one of strict submission and obedience on his part, as, Glasgow's answer to Miss Whiplash would not hesitate to place excessive demands on him? Had she not already left her mark - a distictive TaTu on a hidden part of his anatomy, in an attempt to stake her claim on him? Was Wendy going to prove too much of a handful for CJ to handle, was he playing with fire and did the realisation that , 'All the Things She Said', would be too much for CJ to contemplate? Did the long haired DJ take drastic action in order to escape a life of fetching and carrying for her?


THE TRAMP.

Lured into taking up residence in Scotland by the duplicitous Wendy, was The Tramp outraged that his offer to make an honest woman of her, and that his hand in marriage should be so cruelly rejected? Furious that the slinky siren should prefer someone with a name like 'Jimmy Nipples', who also shared her penchant for bondage gear, fishnet stockings and seductive, sultry 'up, close and VERY personal', blues moves, did The Tramp exact revenge by whipping some cyanide into Wendy's strawberry creams?


STEVEN (THE DANCING PENGUIN)


Had Steven discovered the meddling matriarch's cunning proposition to infiltrate the ranks of the SSSCS and subvert the elite membership for her own morally corrupt and nefarious purposes? Did Wendy intend to use the Secret Society as a recruiting ground for virile, young men, whom she could train to dance in her own inimatable, steamy, up close and personal style? In a p..p..p..pitiful attempt as Grand Master to p..p..p..protect his elite membership from the wily Wendy's evil machinations, had the normally p..p..p..placid p..p..p..penguin run out of p..p..p..patience and p..p..p..perpetrated this p..p..p..perverted ,p..p..p..perfidious crime?


GRAHAM.


Had the quiet, brooding Graham discovered Wendy's intention to embark on a secret liason with the latest addition to her BTC team, Jimmy Nipples, later in the year at Beach Boogie?
Having struck a rapport with the Lovely Sheena whom he partnered in the London Cabaret, Graham was surprised, flattered and delighted to be offered the leading role of Heathcliffe, a part tailor made for him, in Sheena's Musselburgh Cabaret spectacular. Had Wendy's petulant demand that he decline from taking part unless she also starred as Kate Bush, prove to be the final straw for the long suffering Graham, who was determined to take this chance of a lifetime at all costs ? Had Wendy's unreasonable behaviour, pushed Graham into taking drastic, decisive and final action?


WHO KILLED WENDY?
ARE THE DETECTIVES ANY NEARER TO APPREHENDING THE KILLER?
WILL THE MURDERER STRIKE AGAIN?
WHO WILL THE NEXT VICTIM BE?
ARE GADGET AND CLOUSEAU STILL CLUELESS?
IS CHOCOLATE BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH?

Twinkle Toes
15th-May-2003, 01:53 AM
Originally posted by Wendy
I might be next and then we can dance in the afterlife !!! Sounds like fun to me !!!Well my belated Wendy, looks like you got your wish !
Dancing your afterlife away with BTC Bill :yum: :drool:

TT
:hug: :hug: (one for each of you)

Wendy
15th-May-2003, 03:42 AM
LOL - you are a star Miss Marple !!!!

No wonder I couldn't sleep !!!! I'm dead and didn't even know it. I just must have sensed something was very, very wrong !!!!!!!

Wxxxx

PS Haven't packed for the afterlife yet. God, how many pairs of pants am I going to need for this !!!! 1003, 1004, 1005..... mmmmm, might not get into Heaven if I wear THAT top... but Bill might not be waiting for me in Heaven :devil: :D

Curtain
15th-May-2003, 06:24 AM
I'm sorry but when my Culter buddies start getting themselves knocked off something has to be done. It would seem that this pair of detectives are as effective as the Grampian police force at solving crime!! Are they waiting until everyone’s dead before finger the culprit?

I know this isn't Cluedo, but can I have a guess at who the murderer is? ... Yes? ... Well okay then? ...

Well, controversially, I think it’s Chicklet. If you think about it, it’s makes sense. She obviously faked her own death, fled to China where she has spent the last few months lying low in the suburbs. Unbeknownst to us she was concocting the poison for her murderous spree. However, her experiements in Asia have had devastating consequences …

Yes … Exactly … She was the chicken that started the SARS virus!! Coming back here to kill off Ceroc, so she could corner the market and start her own poultry themed franchise.

What more evidence to you need? ...

She had opportunity and motive to sully some good names (i.e. Blue 34, brilliant handle) and deprive British dancefloors of fine talent, lowering moral and generally upsetting people!!

This case has been well and truely quacked!! Hee Hee :wink:

I Thank You!!
DI CURTAIN

Graham
15th-May-2003, 10:39 AM
REUTERS Glasgow Thursday May 15 2003, 10:30AM
At a press conference in Glasgow's Hilton Hotel this morning, Inspectors Clouseau and Gadget informed press of the suspicious death of Ms Wendy Law, international dancing star, and her husband Graham made an emotional appeal for help from the public.

"I just can't believe she's gone......:tears:.....she was such a special person......:tears:.......whoever did it must be stopped......:tears:.......if you can provide any help please, please contact Inspector Clouseau.......:tears: :tears: :tears: :tears: "

Inspector Clouseau asked for anyone who thought they might be able to help to contact the special hotline number 5,6,7,8.

Graham asked for anyone who wanted to go to Beach Boogie in August to contact him, as he unexpectedly had a spare place.

Chicklet
15th-May-2003, 10:42 AM
Originally posted by Graham
[i][
Inspector Clouseau asked for anyone who thought they might be able to help to contact the special hotline number 5,6,7,8.

Aye, that would be a step in the right direction:rofl:

CJ
15th-May-2003, 12:02 PM
Originally posted by Graham
REUTERS Glasgow Thursday May 15 2003, 10:30AM
Graham asked for anyone who wanted to go to Beach Boogie in August to contact him, as he unexpectedly had a spare place.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

This smillie has been slightly over used of late but, WOW, what a post.

I'm still creasing.......

Wendy
15th-May-2003, 12:11 PM
Originally posted by Ceroc Jock
WOW, what a post. Was just thinking that myself... not necessarily accompanied by the same smiley... I'd hate to overdo things on the forum... everything in moderation..oh ****I'm dead am't I !!!

....I'll be there in a minute Bill, honey - put another record on ... something slower :drool:

Wxxx

Chicklet
15th-May-2003, 12:15 PM
hold on just 20 mins Wendy sweetie, he's teaching the two young un's a couple of new things specially for you getting here while I make the lunch.

Did I tell you they've made me do ALL the cooking and the cleaning and the tidying!!! - no ironing obviously cos we're all naked - you did know about the naked bit up here didn't you?

TheTramp
15th-May-2003, 12:21 PM
Originally posted by Chicklet
you did know about the naked bit up here didn't you? Miss Marple....

Please can I be the next to go. Followed closely by Cameron Diaz, Caprice, Heather Graham and Catherine Zeta Jones (amongst others).

Although, a naked Bill, Brady and Dave might be more than anyone should have to cope with. Dead or Alive.

Steve

Chicklet
15th-May-2003, 12:29 PM
Wendy, I think Trampie is saying that you and I naked doesn't er suit. Do we want to make a fuss or will we rise above it and just let this one er lie?

TheTramp
15th-May-2003, 12:30 PM
Excuse me.

I didn't say that. I just merely pointed out a few more naked women that I'd like to add to the collection :D

You know. It is supposed to be 'Heaven'. (Or should that be 'Paradise')? :)

Steve

Chicklet
15th-May-2003, 12:33 PM
Ok, not a bad get out as get outs go around here.:D

TheTramp
15th-May-2003, 12:35 PM
It wasn't a get out. I didn't need one, since you were just reading more into my original post than was there!!

Now. Should we discuss you coming to do my housework, naked, once I move to Scotland?? :D

Steve

Wendy
15th-May-2003, 12:40 PM
I didn't think Heaven sounded as much fun as the other place. And I don't want to be naked !!! You young'uns carry on without me. I've packed now and chosen all my favourite stuff to wear :tears: (And I'd miss out on all that undressing if I was naked already :what: :confused: :devil: ) I'm going to Hell and I don't think I'll be going alone.... :waycool:

Wxxx

Dreadful Scathe
15th-May-2003, 01:30 PM
Originally posted by Wendy
I'm going to Hell and I don't think I'll be going alone.... :waycool:


apparantly its hot in hell, going naked is probably a good idea :)

Wendy
15th-May-2003, 01:31 PM
Computer glitches on Radio 2 right now.. stories about people who're alive but who the "system" thinks are dead... close to home eh ???

:D

Wx (deceased. of course !!)

Curtain
17th-May-2003, 12:01 AM
I guess that my stab in the dark was just that .. er ... a stab in the dark. Oh well, better luck next time I suppose. I presume Miss Marple must have a murder suspect and a plot in mind?

Surely this isn't all a bit of fun!! Is It?:wink:

Tiggerbabe
17th-May-2003, 10:24 AM
Curtain - you didn't get any chocolates as a leaving pressie did you? :wink:

Heather
17th-May-2003, 10:53 AM
:D :D Great time at the Route 66 Party last night but it really felt quite weird sitting at a table with Chicklet, Brady and Wendy!!
I felt a bit like the kid in Sixth Sense - you know, the one who says"I can see dead people" .:wink: :wink: :rofl:
:hug: :kiss:
Heather.
XX

Graham
17th-May-2003, 11:29 AM
Originally posted by Heather
:D :D Great time at the Route 66 Party last night but it really felt quite weird sitting at a table with Chicklet, Brady and Wendy!!
I felt a bit like the kid in Sixth Sense - you know, the one who says"I can see dead people". :confused: :confused: :confused: What are you talking about Heather??? You and I were at a table on our own. :confused: :confused: :confused:

Dance Demon
17th-May-2003, 01:00 PM
Hi Heather
nice to see you last night, glad you enjoyed it. Saw you and Graham at your table............wonder what happened to Wendy ,Chicklet and STG Brady(smoother than Guinness):wink:

Tiggerbabe
17th-May-2003, 01:01 PM
Originally posted by Graham
:confused: :confused: :confused: What are you talking about Heather??? You and I were at a table on our own. :confused: :confused: :confused:

Brilliant Graham! :rofl: Now, about the Beach Boogie Ticket :wink:

Emma
17th-May-2003, 01:17 PM
Originally posted by Sheena
Brilliant Graham! :rofl: Now, about the Beach Boogie Ticket :wink:

Dammit, you got in first...:what:

Wendy
17th-May-2003, 01:29 PM
No need to fight girls... I'm sure he'll be doing a double trouble workshop before too long...:wink: In fact Trampie will be teaching him how to dance with 5/6 in a couple of weeks...

Wxxx

Sheepman
17th-May-2003, 01:59 PM
5/6ths eh? Sounds like a bit of decomposition may be going on there. It's all good armless fun though :D :D
Greg

Wendy
17th-May-2003, 03:01 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
5/6ths eh? Sounds like a bit of decomposition may be going on there. It's all good armless fun though :D :D :sick: Greg, Greg !!! And here I was all ready for that swapping game....

Wxxx

Sheepman
17th-May-2003, 04:25 PM
No problem, which bits shall we swap ? :devil:
Oh - I nearly forgot, "my" Wendy is still alive and well . . .

Greg

Wendy
17th-May-2003, 05:22 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
Oh - I nearly forgot, "my" Wendy is still alive and well . . .
Yeh...but if you glued my bits (my feet for instance) to your bits (your shoes for instance) I'd be the best follower you'd ever had !!! I wouldn't improvise either.... well the occasional head falling back perhaps.....

Wxxx

Sheepman
18th-May-2003, 02:28 AM
Originally posted by Wendy
Yeh...but if you glued my bits (my feet for instance) to your bits (your shoes for instance) I'd be the best follower you'd ever had !!! I wouldn't improvise either.... well the occasional head falling back perhaps.....

Wxxx :rofl: :rofl:
That sounds fine then, just as long as you are smiling, a big toothy grin will do. I wouldn't want to feel snubbed!! (RIP Wendy's improvisations :tears: )
Greg
PS Has anyone, even Miss Marple, the slightest idea where this is going?

Wendy
18th-May-2003, 09:53 AM
Originally posted by Sheepman
[BHas anyone, even Miss Marple, the slightest idea where this is going? [/B]She hasn't even worked out who the murderer is yet... Miss Marple couldn't be the murderer surely ... :confused: :wink: .....I'm kinda hoping a DJ gets bumped off pretty soon cos I'm fed up with Bill running off to change the record and missing the beginning and end of every track :tears: we don't even have a CD player down here...

Wxxx

Bill
18th-May-2003, 05:15 PM
Originally posted by Wendy
I'm kinda hoping a DJ gets bumped off pretty soon cos I'm fed up with Bill running off to change the record and missing the beginning and end of every track :tears: we don't even have a CD player down here...

Wxxx

Down here.....:what: .I was enjoying the idea of you and Chicklet naked.....and all that Bluesy music. But of course if we had been up there then it would have been totally innocent and anyway, being a dead gentleman I wouldn't have looked. :rolleyes: :D

But changing the records makes the anticipation all the more fun doesn't it ???

Anyway, who's next ??? Who's coming to join us in our naked dance ? Wendy, you didn't need all those pants after all...if we were in heaven then we'd be naked and if we were in hell I doubt if you'd be allowed to change them :what: :sick:

Just as well we ghosts can read and write to keep up with events.

Wendy
18th-May-2003, 07:17 PM
Originally posted by Bill
Down here.....:what: Yes. I opted for the other place... You don't get blues in Heaven - are you kidding !!! That's the Devil's music !!! It's too good !!! If you're not the one who's been dancing with me down here it must have been that actor guy... and yes... he can dance afterall.... very, very well.. have my eyes closed most of the time ... thought it was you....

I'm not naked, either!!! You obviously haven't been paying attention to some of my posts (sigh... great dancer doesn't listen...)

But changing the records makes the anticipation all the more fun doesn't it ???Not if you miss the climax....and sometimes that comes right at the end of a record....or just before the end and you need that moment to exhale... it ain't over till it's over or until some fat lady sings....or something...that actor guy has been running off before the end... I'm just left there.....

Wendy, you didn't need all those pants after all...if we were in heaven then we'd be naked and if we were in hell I doubt if you'd be allowed to change them ??? I'm in Hell and I'm wearing pants and I'll change them as often as I like !!!!! Jeez if I can't get my own way down here, I'm going to take that ghost option and go back to haunt some old chums...."Look in the mirror, John, I'm behind you ...." yeh, that could be fun...

Wxxxx

John S
18th-May-2003, 07:42 PM
Well, Miss Marple has got me baffled - having been away my hols I must admit that I did eat a lot of chocolate-covered Spanish turron and had cups of drinking chocolate that were so thick it was an effort to stir, so it's a wonder there wasn't a real death by chocolate!

However, it seems I'm still alive and still among the suspects despite my alibi - but it also looks like the afterlife is getting filled up by all the best dancers - it's getting to be a bit like the Lucky Dip competition in Blackpool, where you keep doing your best for the whole dance only to trudge off at the end - mind you, I suppose it's one sort of elimination!

And of course the biggest mystery of all is who is the gifted Miss Marple - I'm sure not everyone knew my surname until it was plastered all over this thread, and she (he?) is obviously privy to some little-known information - especially about my secret (and so far ineffective) rejuvenating cream. Can't wait for the next instalment, and looking forward to some of the post-death partying that's obviously going on, courtesy of Hot Pants Wendy & co.

Heather
19th-May-2003, 12:36 AM
..........Miss Marple is, or the murderer even, what Linda and I want to know is - Where are two sets of little gold keys that seem to be getting passed around various Scottish locations?
WE WANT THEM BACK !!!!!!!!!!!:innocent: :innocent: :D

:kiss: :hug:
Heather,
XX

Twinkle Toes
19th-May-2003, 12:48 AM
Originally posted by Heather
.......... what Linda and I want to know is - Where are two sets of little gold keys that seem to be getting passed around various Scottish locations?
WE WANT THEM BACK !!!!!!!!!!!:innocent: .... ehh..... do you have someone in mind Heather !!!:devil:

.... just wondering. :innocent:

TT x:hug:

Emma
19th-May-2003, 07:07 PM
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes
.... ehh..... do you have someone in mind Heather !!!:devil:


Oohyeah, that's fascinating, Heather....why do you need them???? :what: :devil: :grin:

linda
20th-May-2003, 10:31 AM
Oohyeah,that's fascinating,Heather....why do you need them????

Emma, that would be telling:wink: :wink: Would you believe that Heather and I have no one in particular in mind, we just want to be prepared?:wink: :wink:

Linda
:hug: :hug:

Tiggerbabe
20th-May-2003, 08:33 PM
Originally posted by linda
Would you believe that Heather and I have no one in particular in mind, we just want to be prepared?:wink: :wink:


NO!

So spill the beans :wink: 'cause I did hear you had both signed up for the "Dirty Dancing" workshop too - something's going on and we want to know - before you two get bumped off as well!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss Marple
21st-May-2003, 07:33 PM
I note with incredulity and interest that an impudent imposter has registered on the Forum as 'Miss Marples'.
When I ascertain the identity of this insidious individual, then there may indeed, be another murder on the Forum.
In the interim, I wish to disassociate myself from this imposter, and insist that they refrain from using my name!!
(The genuine) Miss Marple.

John S
22nd-May-2003, 03:02 AM
But Miss M, how do we know which of you is The Real Thing and which of you is only a body double?

Has there been a crossover from a parallel universe, where many mysterious but magnificent Miss Marples mix merrily among multitudes of murder-loving madams?

Could this be a plot to further confuse, if that were possible, our two hapless (hopeless) inspectors?

Should the Scottish Competition in October have a "Dead Dancer Category"?

What are my chances of suffering Death By Chicklet?

The Forum demands answers!

Grant
22nd-May-2003, 01:43 PM
Originally posted by Miss Marple
I note with incredulity and interest that an impudent imposter has registered on the Forum as 'Miss Marples'......
In the interim, I wish to disassociate myself from this imposter, and insist that they refrain from using my name!!
(The genuine) Miss Marple.
My apologies Miss Marple, I think you are referring to my blatant misuse (and mispelling) of your name on another thread where as DS pointed out I theatrically staged my own demise. :sorry :sorry
There has in fact only ever been, and could only be, one Miss Marple (grovel, grovel).

Grant (the greengrocer)

John S
22nd-May-2003, 03:11 PM
I'm confused.:(

A couple of days ago, the "Newest Member" notice welcomed Miss Marples to the Forum, and this seemed to be an attempt by some unscrupulous person to cash in on the fame (notoriety?) of the One and Only, True and Original Miss Marple. The legal expression I believe is "passing off" - careful with the vowels, there, John!

However, on checking the Members List today, the interloper is not there - has the real Miss Marple's warning come true, and the bogus one has been deceased, disappeared, deaded?

SwingSwingSwing
22nd-May-2003, 03:34 PM
John,

I asked about this phenonemon a while back. IIRC, Franck said that a member would not appear in the members list until they had responded to the Welcome email.

However, in this case, Franck may have zapped the user directly to stop any shenanigans!

SwingSwingSwing

Franck
22nd-May-2003, 03:42 PM
Originally posted by SwingSwingSwing
I asked about this phenonemon a while back. IIRC, Franck said that a member would not appear in the members list until they had responded to the Welcome email.

However, in this case, Franck may have zapped the user directly to stop any shenanigans! That is indeed the case :D each new member has to confirm their email address to appear on the members list (and in fact to be able to post).

I haven't zapped anyone yet, as I was looking forward to the potential shenanigans :D :devil:

Franck.

Miss Marples
22nd-May-2003, 05:28 PM
Originally posted by John S
...this seemed to be an attempt by some unscrupulous person to cash in on the fame (notoriety?) of the One and Only, True and Original Miss Marple.
Unscrupulous? Moi? John, dahhhhlinkkkk, 'ow could you zink zuch a zhing? And as for a "booody dooouble"? Pah! You could miztake zat old bat for moi? :rolleyes:

the real Miss Marples sits and waits, obviously very much alive, pausing only to buff her elegantly manicured nails, whilst observing the action and considering the clues

Grant
23rd-May-2003, 11:17 AM
Originally posted by Miss Marples
You could miztake zat old bat for moi? :rolleyes:
[/I]
Hang on, are you are both the same person...even I wouldn't be that rude. :wink:
:cheers:
Grant

Miss Marples
23rd-May-2003, 01:43 PM
Originally posted by Grant
Hang on, are you are both the same person...even I wouldn't be that rude. :wink:
Nevaaah! Ve are zeperate peeeplez. Zo, vould zomebody pleeeze refezh my memoriez. Vhere are Ve wiz zee zuzpecks?

Grant
23rd-May-2003, 02:20 PM
Originally posted by Miss Marples
Vhere are Ve wiz zee zuzpecks?
I don't know about 'zee zuzpecks' but I have a feeling you may be catching up with 'zee veekteems' shortly. :wink:
Grant

Hercule Poirot
24th-May-2003, 11:13 AM
Dear Suspects,

It is with some interest that I, the great Belgian Detective Hercule Poirot, have been watching this case. Since you do not appear to be solving this mystery on your own, and the so-called Miss Marple is not making progress, I feel you need a little help, and so I have gathered you all together in this thread to reveal the truth.

Let us first examine suspects. It is a well known fact of such cases that the murderer always returns to the scene of the crime. So let us look at the evidence of who has posted most often on this thread.

Chicklet 40
TheTramp 25
Wendy 23
Twinkle Toes 12
Miss Marple 10
Franck 8
John S 8

Of these, it is clear to me that Miss Marple is simply one of the others in disguise. Chicklet, the unfortunate first victim, was long dead when later murders took place and so I think can be ruled out as a suspect.

This leaves a top five suspect list of The Tramp, Wendy, Twinkle Toes, Franck, and John S, and I feel that we will find our culprit on this list.

The Tramp: A shady character who, despite claiming to be a beginner, is clearly not who he says he is. Does he hide a dark secret? Does his 'location' of "London, then Australia, then Scotland" mean he is on the run? Maybe so, but these facts on their own are not enough to make him a murderer. Furthermore the person responsible for these crimes clearly had a close knowledge of those dancing in Scotland and I believe The Tramp has been too far away to perpertrate them.

Wendy: Someone with more dark secrets, I think. Wendy was high on my list of suspects until she was unfortunately murdered herself.

Franck: My old friend Inpector Clouseau. I have come across him before in many cases - and I recall that he needed a lot of help. So is he the murderer? This case was a clever plot and given his lack of success in the detecting department, I am not sure whether the inspector would be capable of such a fiendish plan.

Twinkle Toes: A surprising suspect, with a high number of posts. However I read the posts and I notice they tend to be short and relate to twinkling eyes and other off-topic references.

Which brings us to my final suspect:
John S: I fear the evidence points clearly in this direction.

Look at the post of "Miss Marple" announcing the second murder on 23 April.

Originally posted by Miss Marple
JOHN SIMPSON

Despite his reputation as a dancer extraordinaire, this dinosaur of the dance floor was left with egg on his face when Brady could barely stifle his amusement, when John's attempt at a "Chocolate Ripple" looked more like a crumbling Flake. Devastated at this public humiliation, had John sworn long-winded vengeance on the Yankee Doodle Dandy? Did John eggstract revenge on Brady, ensuring that the yolk was on the young whippersnapper, when he added arsenic to Mr Rogers' Easter treat?

This is where he made his first mistake, revealing his own surname as John Simpson when this is not generally known. Note also how he refers to a move which John Simpson attempted and failed - who else but the dancer themself remembers when a move goes wrong?

He then compounds the mistake by drawing attention to it in a later post:

Originally posted by John S
And of course the biggest mystery of all is who is the gifted Miss Marple - I'm sure not everyone knew my surname until it was plastered all over this thread, and she (he?) is obviously privy to some little-known information - especially about my secret (and so far ineffective) rejuvenating cream. Can't wait for the next instalment, and looking forward to some of the post-death partying that's obviously going on, courtesy of Hot Pants Wendy & co.
Does he secretly want to get caught? Notice also how he refers to the 'Gifted' Miss Marple.

In a third post (notice how John S seems to have a peculiar interest in the details of the case...)

Originally posted by John S
A couple of days ago, the "Newest Member" notice welcomed Miss Marples to the Forum, and this seemed to be an attempt by some unscrupulous person to cash in on the fame (notoriety?) of the One and Only, True and Original Miss Marple.
he also refers to the One and Only, True and Original Miss Marple. Who else but Miss Marple herself (himself?) would be so hurt by the imposter as to need to proclaim the fame of Miss Marple.

And so, with the help of the little grey cells, and the clear evidence in front of you, I believe I have solved this mystery, and can unmask John S as the so-called (but now incredibly suspicious) Miss Marple. I believe he carried out the murders himself as a way of drawing attention to himself (remember he describes himself as "Taxi Dancer Extraordinaire", "Incredibly attractive, intelligent, brilliant dancer" - clearly not a modest person). Maybe we shall never know the reason why.

Rest assured that the Police have been called and are waiting outside to arrest John S when he leaves this thread.

Until the next time....

Hercule

Tiggerbabe
24th-May-2003, 12:44 PM
How clever Mr P! :wink: but are you right? Surely not John! Say it's not so :tears: :tears:

Graham
24th-May-2003, 12:58 PM
Originally posted by Hercule Poirot
This is where he made his first mistake, revealing his own surname as John Simpson when this is not generally known. I'm afraid you're just repeating the incorrect assertion first propagated by John himself. John's surname has been mentioned on the forum 8 times that I can see, and in 5 cases it was obvious that it was John S who was being referred to. There's even a photograph annotated with his full name!! Whilst there are no doubt a number of people who were unaware of his surname, I'm certain there are also a significant number of people who (like me) did know it, especially in Dundee. And it's interesting that so far none of the victims have been Dundonian, although maybe Inspector Gadget's frequent comfort breaks there have been deterring the murderer! :wink:

John S
24th-May-2003, 01:16 PM
Originally posted by Sheena
Surely not John! Say it's not so :tears: :tears:
It's not so.

John S
24th-May-2003, 01:30 PM
Despite my protestations of innocence (innocent, moi???) I am flattered that M Poirot should have thought me worthy to construct such an elaborate plot, and also to run a series of multiple identities at the same time. My single brain cell would have been working overtime.

However, he didn't mention what would probably have been my main motive, ie to eliminate all the younger dancers to wipe out the competition - but in that case I would have concentrated on the guys!

So, is there only one way to prove my innocence? Must I be the next for the chop from Miss Marple?

Interesting, though, that Graham was very quick to leap to my defence and plead my case - what does he know? (And it didn't take long for Wendy to be bumped off, did it?!);)

Maybe we should have a poll to see who the Forum jury think is the murderer (or Miss Marple)?

Miss Marple
18th-June-2003, 06:28 PM
DASTARDLY DEED IN DUNDEE

Returning from a peaceful holiday in the Cotswolds and a film appearance on BBC2, what do I find? An impudent imposter attempting to assume my identity and subvert my thread, and that self-posturing, pompous ass, the Belgian dectective, Hecule Poirot, pontificating on his theory as to the possible identity and profile of the Cereal Killer, whilst still failing miserably despite his invaluable insight, to assist Clouseau and Gadget in the capture of the Chocoholic
Psychopath.

To make matters worse the criminal mastermind has struck yet again, this time in the City of Discovery itself, Dundee, at the luxury, penthouse, bachelor pad of the Bombay Bad Boy, Sherwin.

It is unclear at the moment whether Sherwin was the intended victim or the perpetrator of this latest murder, he is at present under sedation in a police cell having supposedly discovered the bodies of the Celibate Sisters, Nun of This and Nun of That, late on Sunday evening. The forensic team have concluded that these virtuous ladies had died of poisoning having consumed a box of Cadbury's Roses. Were the chocolates intended for Sherwin, or did the killer know that chocolate, being a well known substitute for carnal pleasures, was the only vice to which the Celibate Sisters would be likely to succumb?

Clouseau and Gadget are again continuing ther investigation into this dastardly deed and urge anyone with any information as to possible motive for this senseless slaying to come forward.
Clouseau will travel to Glasgow where he intends to interview several suspicious characters whilst Gadget has set up an incident room in the Hilton Hotel conveniently located next to the Olympia Leisure Centre where he hopes to pop in for a dance or two and interview remaining members of the MAd crew.


The Bombay Bad Boy

It would appear that the Bombay Bad Boy is a prime suspect in this recent murder, indeed he has appeared on the list of possible pepetrators of the previous murders. What was the reason for the singing, dancing nuns' visit to Bollywood wannabe Sherwin's bachelor pad? Had he invited the unfortunate twosome to his flat to help him rehearse the script for his forthcoming audition for the part of Whoopi Goldberg's twin sister, in the latest production of Sister Act 3? Was it singing and acting lessons he really required from the Celibate Sisters, was Sherwin attempting method acting or had he other more devious plans in mind? What possible use had the Bombay Bad Boy for a tin opener in a kitchen whose cupboards were devoid of tins, unless he had some alternative purpose for the kitchen utensil, which could possibly involve Chastity belts? Had the virtuous ladies resisted Sherwin's masculine charms,and was it purely by chance that he popped out to the All Nite grocery store for some hot spicy Pot Noodle as a late supper snack, leaving the lovely ladies alone to consume the box of Cadbury's Roses, or was Sherwin himself the intended victim?





The Tramp

Despite rumours that the Tramp was touring Australia and New Zealand, had he, in fact, hired a body double and was already in the city of Dundee? After all when communicating in cyberspace he could make unsuspecting members of the public believe he was anywhere. Had the Celibate Sisters uncovered photographic evidence and proof positive that the Tramp was not a Beginner as he claimed to be, but that in fact he taught Bill Haley how to 'Rock around the Clock' and that Elvis had actually learned his famous 'Pelvic Thrust' movement from the Tramp? In their research for a thesis on "The History of Modern Jive" for their PHD in Social Studies, had the Celibate Sisters uncovered rare archive photographs and film footage from the 1950's, of the Tramp teaching jive long before it was popularly known as 'Modern Jive'?
Did he decide to silence them before they exposed him as a fraud? Or had the intended victim been Sherwin whom he wished to eliminate as yet another BTC dancer in an attempt to boost his own popularity on the dance floor when he takes up residence in Scotland?

John Simpson

Had the Celibate Sisters discovered that John Simpson was really a shapeshifting time traveller who moved with ease through wormholes in space into a parallel universe, where among his numerous identities were Barney Rubble, best friend and next-door neighbour of Fred Flintstone? Had he not chosen the image of Barney as his avatar on the Cerocscotland Forum? Had they discovered that he had also, in the past, assumed the identity of Fred Astaire, dancer Extraordinaire, as he also proclaimed on the Cerocscotland Forum?
Acting on their suspicions, had the celibate duo covertly followed the Cerocing Chameleon on one of his early departures from a Ceroc venue, only to observe him vanish from sight with the ease of a DeLorean, as he slipped through a Time Warp into another dimension ? Did John catch a glimpse of the lovely ladies in his rear view mirror as he disappeared into the future and did the realisation that they had discovered his secret, prompt him to eliminate this threat to his secret life?


CJ the DJ.

Having discovered that CJ had recently advertised on the Cerocscotland Forum for a new partner, his long suffering girlfriend had, in an act of revenge, shaved his head as he slept.
Knowing that devoid of his long, glossy, flowing locks, he would lose his masculine magnetism, sex appeal and reputation as one of Scotland's top Ceroc DJ's, CJ has invested his life savings in a very realistic and extremely expensive wig. As if further proof was needed as to his rapidly diminishing DJ powers, CJ had added such uncerocable classics as Little Jimmy Osmond's "I'll be your long haired Lover from Liverpool", and Tom Jones' "Delilah", to his playlist. Realising that CJ was rapidly losing the plot, had the Celibate Sisters discovered that CJ was actually as bald as Kojak, and had threatened to expose his secret shame at the next Glasgow party? Had the prospect of this public humiliation, prompted the modern day Samson into extreme evasive action, by disposing of the delectable duo?




Steven, the Dancing Penguin.

Had the Celibate Sisters discovered that the so-called Grand Master of the SSSCS, was actually a fraudster, when they unexpectedly arrived at his pied a terre, wherupon they observed him with a can of silver spray paint, purchased from Halfords, in the act of spraying the infamous Silver Ceroc Shoes?
Had the p.p.p.Penguin p.p.p.panicked at the p.p.p.posibility that the virtuous duo would p.p.p.push him from his exalted p.p.p.pedestal and reveal that the 'silver' Ceroc shoes were actually ordinary black leather dance trainers, which he had spray painted?
Did the Polar Pipsqueak prepare a poisonous present for the MAd maidens, to ensure the protection of his precious secret?


Sheena.

Had the MAd Dundee choreographer ensured the virtuous duo's expulsion from the MAd Crew when they had the effrontery to refuse to don strokeable trousers as part of the team costume for Sheena's latest surprise cabaret performance of "Touch my bum", by the Cheeky Girls , for the Midsummer Madness party in Aberdeen? Did the catastrophic combination of the dirty dance routine and the tactile, tight fitting, tiggerskin trousers threaten to compromise the decency, high morals and principles, corrupting the purity and innocence of these charming young ladies? Did the crazy choreographer quell the rebellion in the ranks of the MAd Crew by removing these 'thorns in her flesh' with a box of Cadbury's Roses?


Blue 34.

Had the Celibate sisters discovered that the 'large erection', about which Blue 34 was continually boasting, was in fact, the extension to his house and nothing whatsoever to do with the copious amounts of Viagra tablets, purchased from the Anne Summers shop?
Devastated, disillusioned and disappointed at this dastardly duplicity, had the virtuous dancing duo threatened to expose the truth about this erection to Cerocforum members as a contravention of the 'Trades Description Act 1969'? Did the prospect of this public humiliation provide a motive for Blue 34 to dispose of the divine duo?


Graham.

Having swiftly recovered from the unfortunate death of wife Wendy, the Pole Dancing Dominatrix,had the brooding Heathcliffe turned his dark smouldering eyes in the direction of the divine duo from Dundee? Acquiring by nefarious means, the keys to their infamous chastity belts, had he decided that the Celibate Sisters should play the part of the new Cathys to his Heathcliffe in a daring menage a trois and secretly enrolled in the 'Dirty Double Trouble' workshop at Beach Boogie, in order to fulfil his fantasy that 'Two's Company but Three is a Heavenly Treat'? Upon discovering his underhand shennanigans, Nun of This and Nun of That decided there would be absolutely no cavorting or canoodling or participation in a titillating trio. Had their refusal to indulge his fantasies pushed the gorgeous Graham to the edge of reason causing him to dispose of the magnificent maidens?

WHO MURDERED THE CELIBATE SISTERS?
WILL THEY HAVE MORE FUN IN THE LIFE HEREAFTER THAN THEY DID ON THIS MORTAL PLAIN?
IS IT ABOUT TIME MISS MARPLE RETIRED?
WILL CLOUSEAU AND GADGET EVER CAPTURE THE PSYCHOPATHIC CHOCOLATE CEREAL KILLER?
DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE?

Miss Marple.

Dance Demon
18th-June-2003, 07:40 PM
Originally posted by Miss Marple

DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE?

No!!!!!.............not really:rolleyes:

John S
18th-June-2003, 09:45 PM
Originally posted by Miss Marple
DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE?
Yes, absolutely, it's the talk of the steamie (otherwise known as the Olympia). Don't be put off by DD - he's just a sourpuss!
:wink:

Dance Demon
19th-June-2003, 05:44 PM
Originally posted by John S
Don't be put off by DD - he's just a sourpuss!
:wink:

Meeeeiiioooww...............:wink:

John S
20th-June-2003, 11:11 AM
Last night, grieving at the latest developments in the City of Discovery, I carefully examined in detail the bodies of Nun of This and Nun of That. (Well, somebody had to do it.)

No doubt our hapless inspectors will see that as my returning to the scene of the crime, but it was purely in the interests of pursuing justice, and to bid a fond farewell to their bodies, which once were earthy (sorry, earthly) and now are heavenly.

I can reliably report that each body was as warm, firm, vibrant (and talkative) as ever – surely convincing proof, if ever it were needed, of the everlasting benefits of celibacy - or maybe celery.

The chains and padlocks on their chastity belts were as intact as their virtue ever was (nuff said!), and their habits were, as always, beyond reproach……..well beyond. Even their wimples were in pristine condition.

It saddens me to think that the Celibate Sisters are no more, but at least they will never grow old (like some of us). Doubtless the dancers already in Heaven are planning to whip out their trumpets and open up dem pearly gates to welcome them, but perhaps before then the sisters will manifest themselves to their followers this weekend. If that happens, we must all be considerate of their dancing limitations, since by then rigor mortis will have set in.
:what:

Heather
20th-June-2003, 06:38 PM
:D Very funny John!!!!
Don't worry we'll be back to haunt you in Aberdeen on Saturday. Rattling the chains of our 'chastity belts', of course!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Heather,
:hug:

Grant
24th-June-2003, 03:36 PM
Originally posted by Miss Marple
DASTARDLY DEED IN DUNDEE

Steven, the Dancing Penguin.

Had the p.p.p.Penguin p.p.p.panicked at the p.p.p.posibility that the virtuous duo would p.p.p.push him from his exalted p.p.p.pedestal
Miss Marple.
It appears that there are two people posting on this forum who are fond of calling Steven a penguin and blessing him with a s.s.s.stutter.
One is Miss Marple and the other is Sheena. Or are these two really just the same person?

Grant
PS. My apologies if Miss Marple has already confessed and I've missed it.

Tiggerbabe
24th-June-2003, 06:50 PM
Originally posted by Grant
Or are these two really just the same person?


Eh nope!

Steven is the dancing penguin by virtue of his avatar - and blessed with a stutter thanks to the chocolate bisuit advert :wink: It amazes me that Miss Marple watches ITV and you do not :what:

And anyway - Grant - you were in London weren't you???????When everyone was doing this to "poor" Steven and making him blush.................

So sorry, guess again - it's not me wot writ it :na:

Grant
25th-June-2003, 02:53 PM
Originally posted by Sheena
blessed with a stutter thanks to the chocolate bisuit advert :wink:
chocolate bisuit advert? - never seen it

It amazes me that Miss Marple watches ITV and you do not :what:
ITV? - never seen it

And anyway - Grant - you were in London weren't you??????? When everyone was doing this to "poor" Steven and making him blush.................
my attention must have been elsewhere at the time

So sorry, guess again
ah well, perhaps my judgement was clouded by you both being witty and intelligent. I think I better stop guessing before I start making the bumbling inspector clouseau look intelligent as well.

- it's not me wot writ it :na:
careful - you'll have Heather on your case.

Grant

CJ
14th-July-2003, 04:34 PM
The MAd girls are on holiday, and Miss M. has been quiet...

Coincidence you say?

Think it over, campers, think it over!!

Miss Marple
18th-July-2003, 04:00 PM
Originally posted by Ceroc Jock
The MAd girls are on holiday, and Miss M. has been quiet...

Coincidence you say?

Think it over, campers, think it over!!


How dare you besmirch my character by associating ME with those MAd women!!!
Besides, an old age pensioner like myself could not possibly afford to holiday in such exotic locations as Greece!!
Let me just tell you that I have been far too busy, assisting the esteemed Inspector Clouseau in his deliberations, helping him to work out the identity of the Cereal Killer.
All will be revealed in the fullness of time.

Miss Marple.

Graham
18th-July-2003, 05:54 PM
Originally posted by Ceroc Jock
The MAd girls are on holiday, and Miss M. has been quiet...

Coincidence you say? Even more of a coincidence that she then pops up to refute your allegation right when at least one of the MAd girls is interrupting her holiday with a trip to an internet cafe!!

linda
19th-July-2003, 03:25 PM
Originally posted by Graham
at least one of the MAd girls is interrupting her holiday with a trip to an internet cafe!!
Nice try but afraid not, Graham. Isn't Miss Marple clever though? Everybody knows we're in Greece. Trust me, we have better things to do with our time here.:wink: :wink:
Imagine this, the Dundee MAd crew surrounded by handsome young Greek toyboys, with bodies you could only dream about:really: (that's for you Wendy)and boy can they dance!!!!!!
(but then who wants to dance with them):rofl:
Just as well Miss Marple killed us off, and released us from our vow of celebacy, although I did lose the key to my suitcase!!Alas 3 are now 2 as Sheena is at home now and will shortly be making an appearance in Aberdeen, strutting her stuff and modelling all the new tops she bought in Greece.
Must go now our Greek dancers are calling:drool: :drool:

Love
Linda:kiss:

Graham
19th-July-2003, 04:29 PM
Originally posted by linda
Nice try but afraid not, Graham. Hmm. Still suspicious if you ask me. Still, I suppose Miss Marple could have been waiting around for Heather to log on so that she could post at the same time and deliberately throw us off the track.

Anyway, glad you're enjoying your holiday - looking forward to seeing your all-over tan when you get back! :wink: :yum: :devil:

DavidY
19th-July-2005, 01:06 PM
Apologies for resurrecting an old thread 2 years after the last post... but I thought some more recent members might like to see it. Be warned there's a lot of pages to get through.

It harks back to the days when posts on this forum were often about folks in Scotland. :wink:

Plus I still want to find out who did it... :confused:

John S
19th-July-2005, 02:59 PM
Plus I still want to find out who did it... :confused:
AND WHO WAS MISS MARPLE????? :confused:

John S
6th-April-2008, 12:31 AM
I know this is a very old thread (maybe that's why it appeals to me:sick:) but is there anyone still around on the Forum who knows who Miss Marple is/was?

Heather
14th-December-2008, 07:53 PM
I know this is a very old thread (maybe that's why it appeals to me:sick:) but is there anyone still around on the Forum who knows who Miss Marple is/was?

It was me and Linda, John , I wrote it when I was off work for six months having my nervous breakdown .... laughter is the cure for depression and me and Linda spent most of my better days writing this stuff.... I thought EVERYBODY knew who Miss Marple was !! :doh: Actually it was Brady who first sussed me out... he knew for a good few months before everyone else.
I had thought of attempting something similar recently, there are a few people I'd quite like to murder off at the moment... but that's what stopped me...I thought everyone would guess it was me again !!:whistle:
Anyway, nice to see the thread resurrected, and I hope it brings backs a few memories and some laughs for all who were involved in the plotlines.

Cheers everybody,

Heather xx:hug: