Unhappy Ladies

[Buttons]

I have been unwell and unable to dance properly for a while now and am only just getting back into the swing of things. My life partner and I still went dancing and I still taxiied. During freestyle, I would sit chatting he would dance his cotton socks off. I missed dancing with him and others big style.

My point is; the other night I was actually feeling well enough to dance. I had two warm up dances with my partner and few dances with others during the begginers 15 min freestyle. He done the class I watched, there was 15 extra women and I was conserving energy for more dances later. after intermediate class He danced for a while and came and got me for a further two dances.

One woman (who knew my situation) came up to me and complained that I had hogged my partner all night and who did I think I was. She stated that I was a taxi dancer and should not be dancing freestyle when there was so many extra women.

I was flabergasted at her cheek and for once stuck for words. I often danced as a leader with this and other women when men are scarce and did not quite know what to say.

Do other folk feel the same as her. Did I really do wrong? I was not taxiing that night and sat out most of the night any way.

[Sheepman]

It's almost hard to believe she was being serious!!

Presumably your partner was also not on duty as a taxi dancer that night? Though if he was, if she had to moan at anyone, it should have been at him.

Greg

[Buttons]

He is not a taxi dancer and she was really serious.

I was really quite miffed, which is why I posted asking if I was in the wrong. Surely I can dance with my partner as much as he/me wants

[Twirly]

Buttons, she sounds rude and selfish. She has some sort of problem, and I'd say don't take it on board - leave it with her. If neither of you were on duty that night as taxi's you have paid your dues (or earnt them by taxiing another night - same thing really) then you are just another punter and can dance with who you like when you like. She was out of order.

I've seen on-duty taxi's dancing with each other in the short freestyle and although I've thought it was a bit off, wouldn't dream of commenting on it.

I do wish that people would keep their noses out of other people's business!

[DavidB]

If you were wearing a Taxi t-shirt, then she might have had a point.
If your partner was wearing a Taxi T-shirt, then she could possibly complain about him.
If (as it sounds) neither of you were wearing Taxi T-shirts, then I would tell her to f*** off and mind her own business. I would do this politely of course - by asking my partner for another dance right in front of her.

When you are off duty, you can dance with whoever you want. I would ask the teacher to remind the class about this.

[LMC]

IMO, she was out of order - particularly in her "expectation" that you should be leading. Even if you are on taxi duty, I would say that your primary "duty" is to the beginner guys, not the beginner women. I actually (nicely) turn down women when I'm on taxi duty "because the guys need all the help they can get" :D

Four dances in an evening hardly constitutes "hogging" in my book (especially as not all at once). It might be worth pointing out to her that your partner has just as much right to dance with whom he wants as she does to dance with him...

You are definitely not in the wrong.

[stewart38]

We have a women who clearly given the amount of extra ladies seem to be miffed that a Taxi dancer (off duty) dance several dances with her partner (not a taxi dancer)

So much so she complained

We have some ‘solutions’ to the problem



then I would tell her to f*** off and mind her own business. I would do this politely of course - by asking my partner for another dance right in front of her.

When you are off duty, you can dance with whoever you want. I would ask the teacher to remind the class about this.


Buttons, she sounds rude and selfish. She has some sort of problem, I do wish that people would keep their noses out of other people's business!

So the teacher now can announce ‘any twats’ who want to dance should f*** off if there isn’t enough men or

Men get in for free next week !!!


Men happy , women happy and you dance with your partner till the cows come home

On a serious note I cant believe how the forum could jump down the throat of an individual who may have raised a concern

[DavidB]

On a serious note I cant believe how the forum could jump down the throat of an individual who may have raised a concernSorry Stewart, but if anyone tells me who I can and can't dance with, I will tell them to f*** off. And I won't be polite about it.

[stewart38]

Sorry Stewart, but if anyone tells me who I can and can't dance with, I will tell them to f*** off. And I won't be polite about it.

But thats isnt good PR :sad:

My ex wife often said I couldnt hog a girl for more then two dances

Im still alive so didn’t tell her to f*** O**

[Piglet]

She stated that I was a taxi dancer and should not be dancing freestyle when there was so many extra women.
I have never heard so much rubbish!

If there are too many women, then the ones that will probably get less dances are the ones that come along without men I would guess - perhaps she needs to encourage her men friends to give it a try rather than verbally abuse you.

Glad you're feeling better - sorry that a comment like that was made to you :hug:

[Dreadful Scathe]

.... should not be dancing freestyle ..... I was not taxiing that night and sat out most of the night any way.

Not sure what I would say, but it would probably end with "and the horse you road in on".

[Dreadful Scathe]

My ex wife often said I couldnt hog a girl for more then two dances*

Im sure DavidB would be the first to agree that doing what your wife says is a different matter entirely :)

[stewart38]

Firstly the womens not on duty and has the right to dance with anyone else she likes . The guy I hear isn’t a taxi dancers so he can I guess dance with who ever

I assume as a taxi dancer even off duty you didn’t pay ?

I don’t know the circumstances the women was clearly upset and moved to make what I guess was a unwarranted approach and I assume ‘was out of order’. Know one knows what was said apart from the two that were there . Is she on the forum ?, she might have said a off duty taxi dancer danced 12 songs with a guy when there were 35 ladies over all night , we don’t know?. Id be pissed of if that was me

I would have thought a better approach would be sure he can dance with you next, instead of this f *** attitude

We have women moaning on this forum of endlessly of not having enough men to dance with and the fact that some women do ‘hog’ men . If the women dare say anything tell them to F** *** .

I just think the response sounds OTT

[Feelingpink]

IMO, she was out of order - particularly in her "expectation" that you should be leading. Even if you are on taxi duty, I would say that your primary "duty" is to the beginner guys, not the beginner women. I actually (nicely) turn down women when I'm on taxi duty "because the guys need all the help they can get" :D

Four dances in an evening hardly constitutes "hogging" in my book (especially as not all at once). It might be worth pointing out to her that your partner has just as much right to dance with whom he wants as she does to dance with him...

You are definitely not in the wrong.:yeah: And if she has a problem with your view, BOTH of you will stay home and she won't have ANY opportunity to dance with him at all.

[ElaineB]

I have been unwell and unable to dance properly for a while now and am only just getting back into the swing of things. My life partner and I still went dancing and I still taxiied. During freestyle, I would sit chatting he would dance his cotton socks off. I missed dancing with him and others big style.

My point is; the other night I was actually feeling well enough to dance. I had two warm up dances with my partner and few dances with others during the begginers 15 min freestyle. He done the class I watched, there was 15 extra women and I was conserving energy for more dances later. after intermediate class He danced for a while and came and got me for a further two dances.

One woman (who knew my situation) came up to me and complained that I had hogged my partner all night and who did I think I was. She stated that I was a taxi dancer and should not be dancing freestyle when there was so many extra women.

I was flabergasted at her cheek and for once stuck for words. I often danced as a leader with this and other women when men are scarce and did not quite know what to say.

Do other folk feel the same as her. Did I really do wrong? I was not taxiing that night and sat out most of the night any way.

I would suggest that you ask the Teacher to point out to her/the class that you were not/are not on duty and therefore will be dancing as a 'muggle' for the night. And yes, you have the right to dance with whomever you wish when not on duty!

I am amazed at her attitude, especially as you have stated that 'she knew your situation'!

Hope your health continues to improve!


Elaine

[MartinHarper]

I think I'd want to suggest to the lady in question that she become "part of the solution". She could do this by learning to lead and leading other women in freestyle, or by recruiting lots of new beginner men to Ceroc.

It sounds to me like an unthinking comment brought on by frustration, and not worthy of extensive reflection.

[killingtime]

I would have thought a better approach would be sure he can dance with you next, instead of this f *** attitude

Maybe a better approach in terms of diplomacy but not the one I'd take. First of why should Buttons hand around her partner like he is a bartering chip? I'd think her partner might be a little annoyed that he was being told to dance with someone to justify the fact he has chosen to dance with his partner.

I was at the venue and I didn't think there was such a shortage of men that one man being busy would make that much of a difference (I'm maybe not paying that much attention though). Buttons wasn't on taxi duty; so she isn't meant to be dancing with a particular group of people. She was also taking it easy and that means that most of the dances she had would need to be with someone she trusted wouldn't push her too much.

I would carry on but I'd just get into a rant so: I don't think what she was suggesting was reasonable.

[LilyB]

Im sure DavidB would be the first to agree that doing what your wife says is a different matter entirely :)
Amen to that :devil:

[DavidB]

I assume as a taxi dancer even off duty you didn’t pay ?So what? Off duty means off duty.


she might have said a off duty taxi dancer danced 12 songs with a guy when there were 35 ladies over all night , we don’t know?. Id be pissed of if that was meAgain - off duty means OFF DUTY.

I find it bad enough when teachers are expected to work for nothing. But taxi-dancers get far less for working the same amount of time. I doubt you could legally employ someone at the rate they effectively get. To tell them they are never off duty is wrong.

[Buttons]

Maybe a better approach in terms of diplomacy but not the one I'd take. First of why should Buttons hand around her partner like he is a bartering chip? I'd think her partner might be a little annoyed that he was being told to dance with someone to justify the fact he has chosen to dance with his partner.

I was at the venue and I didn't think there was such a shortage of men that one man being busy would make that much of a difference (I'm maybe not paying that much attention though). Buttons wasn't on taxi duty; so she isn't meant to be dancing with a particular group of people. She was also taking it easy and that means that most of the dances she had would need to be with someone she trusted wouldn't push her too much.

I would carry on but I'd just get into a rant so: I don't think what she was suggesting was reasonable.


It was on Monday night KT not on Tuesday. 15 extra women. As you know I have not had many dances lately and as a general rule I do not hog my partner all night. It would be boring for both of us. We dance 2 dances at beggining, 1 somewhere in the middle and 1 near end. Unless a tune we like comes on. I still only dance with him about 4 times though IMHO he is a great dancer and everyone wants to dance with him. So do I

[killingtime]

It was on Monday night KT not on Tuesday.

Ah that's why. It's that Monday night crowd :rolleyes:. I haven't been on a Monday in ages.

When you say there was 15 extra women my curiosity makes me ask: do you know how many men there were?


I still only dance with him about 4 times though IMHO he is a great dancer and everyone wants to dance with him. So do I

Yeah! I never get a dance with him :mad: :na:.

I'd say about 4 dances in an evening is normal for Louisa and I and I wouldn't think I was being unreasonable with that. Maybe I'm wrong?

[Yliander]

I assume as a taxi dancer even off duty you didn’t pay ? if they are off duty they are off duty.


I would have thought a better approach would be sure he can dance with you next, instead of this f *** attitudeisn't upto him to decide who he will dance with?

[David Bailey]

[QUOTE=stewart38]We have women moaning on this forum of endlessly of not having enough men to dance with and the fact that some women do

[David Bailey]

From what Buttons says, she was mis-treated, and has a right to be upset, no one should talk like that no matter what her grievances.

However, without knowing the context, I don't think this collective FTJ (Forum Throat-Jumping, of course) is an edifying spectacle. Come on guys, stop being so flippin' sheeplike (OK, except Sheepman), huh?

Anyway, I see two possibilities:
- The woman's just a nutter. You get them, one in a hundred but it happens. In which case, ignore her and get on with your life.
- She may have been normal, but frustrated into an outburst by the lack of men. In which case, some of the more positive suggestions in this thread could be followed up.

Buttons, I'd at least try to reconcile with her - if only because you don't want to be worried about what she might say every time you go to that venue. Maybe explaining more details about your situation, and seeing what she feels, and at least showing some sympathy, could help?

(Help, I'm turning into a hippy... :eek: )

[LMC]

Who are you, and how did you get DavidJames' password?

[David Bailey]

We have women moaning on this forum of endlessly of not having enough men to dance with and the fact that some women do ‘hog’ men . If the women dare say anything tell them to F** *** .

I just think the response sounds OTT
:yeah: (but Stewart, you've mis-typed "F**" :na: )

[David Bailey]

Who are you, and how did you get DavidJames' password?
Dunno, but he can't delete messed-up posts :tears: :whistle:

[Buttons]

From what Buttons says, she was mis-treated, and has a right to be upset, no one should talk like that no matter what her grievances.

However, without knowing the context, I don't think this collective FTJ (Forum Throat-Jumping, of course) is an edifying spectacle. Come on guys, stop being so flippin' sheeplike (OK, except Sheepman), huh?

Anyway, I see two possibilities:
- The woman's just a nutter. You get them, one in a hundred but it happens. In which case, ignore her and get on with your life.
- She may have been normal, but frustrated into an outburst by the lack of men. In which case, some of the more positive suggestions in this thread could be followed up.

Buttons, I'd at least try to reconcile with her - if only because you don't want to be worried about what she might say every time you go to that venue. Maybe explaining more details about your situation, and seeing what she feels, and at least showing some sympathy, could help?

(Help, I'm turning into a hippy... :eek: )

The context; I had just sat down after two dances minding my own business. She had not been on the dance floor for three songs. She was pretty miffed at all women not just me. She had tried to get a dance with a few other men to no avail. I said hello like always then she pounced. She only likes dancing with very few men and my partner is one. I forgot to say he had already danced with her twice. I had to ask myself who wanted to hog him, her or me

We do not get payed as taxi dancers in Scotland but do get in free. We give one night a fortnight of free time and still enjoy it. If I go to a venue (mine or other) and there is no taxi I have on occasion helped out (well at least 3 times) I did not and do not mind in the slightest. I just really feel My free time is mine and if my partner and I want to dance with each other all night. Tuff!!

I do not mean to be bolshi but I did not fall out with her, I was speechless. I do not think sympathy is warrented, and why should I explain my situation to this woman? I done nothing that would shame me or the ceroc venue. She knows my history

When able I dance with everyone begginers/advanced. I just feel 4 dances a night with my partner is not hogging him wether it is a taxi night or not. We stop working at 9.45pm surely till 10.30pm is my time. I do not ignore begginers during this time but if someone asks me to dance is that not ok?

[TheTramp]

I danced 4 times last night with a woman I'd never met before. It was great :worthy:

[Buttons]

I danced 4 times last night with a woman I'd never met before. It was great :worthy:


I hope it was over the evening and not all at once. You may be next to get the complaining

[stewart38]

She only likes dancing with very few men and my partner is one. I forgot to say he had already danced with her twice. I had to ask myself who wanted to hog him, her or me



The penny drops , she had already had two dances with him

Do we have two alpha females after one Gamma man does she know you’re his ‘partner’

I suggest you don’t allows this social tyrant near your ‘partner’ again and get the teacher to announce it

I’m so glad this forum allows investigated journalism

[Dreadful Scathe]

Dunno, but he can't delete messed-up posts :tears: :whistle:

Frankly, I cant tell the difference.



Come on guys, stop being so flippin' sheeplike (OK, except Sheepman), huh?


Maybe we just all agree :) Baaa aaa

[LMC]

DS, you're failing us - you didn't suggest "Let them eat (cheese)cake"

Buttons, four dances with anyone in a night is not "hogging". If I saw someone dancing with their partner *all* night, then I might not be happy about it if I wanted to dance with said partner, but I would never be so rude as to tell them off about it.

As you have to "live with" this woman to a certain extent, as you both dance at the same venue, then telling her to go forth and multiply might be a bit excessive. But pointing out even one of the following facts should be sufficient - i.e she has already had two dances with him; he is allowed to dance with who he wants as well; he is your partner and four dances is not unreasonable; you're off duty, so you can dance with who you like and don't have to lead; and finally, a question: what right has she to question your behaviour?

[stewart38]

As you have to "live with" this woman to a certain extent, as you both dance at the same venue, then telling her to go forth and multiply might be a bit excessive. But pointing out even one of the following facts should be sufficient - i.e she has already had two dances with him; he is allowed to dance with who he wants as well; he is your partner and four dances is not unreasonable; you're off duty, so you can dance with who you like and don't have to lead; and finally, a question: what right has she to question your behaviour?


If this doesnt work i suggest a fight in a mud bath with her ? :sad:

Im sure more men would attend and problem sorted

[Dreadful Scathe]

But pointing out even one of the following facts should be sufficient - i.e she has already had two dances with him; he is allowed to dance with who he wants as well; he is your partner and four dances is not unreasonable; you're off duty, so you can dance with who you like and don't have to lead; and finally, a question: what right has she to question your behaviour?

um..I think all that is pretty much implied by F*** off

[straycat]

um..I think all that is pretty much implied by F*** off
True, but sometimes the subtle approach doesn't work, and you need to spell it out.

[Dance Demon]

I do not mean to be bolshi but I did not fall out with her, I was speechless.

I thought I knew who you are Buttons, but now I'm not so sure......:rofl:
You were not on duty,...your partner is not a taxi dancer,...if you wanted to dance every dance with him, it's nobody's business. Nice to have you back dancing BTW. I'll hog you for a dance or two next time:flower: :hug:

[David Bailey]

I do not mean to be bolshi but I did not fall out with her, I was speechless. I do not think sympathy is warrented, and why should I explain my situation to this woman? I done nothing that would shame me or the ceroc venue. She knows my history
All I'm saying is, it's not pleasant going to a venue where there may be "atmosphere" - so for your own purely selfish reasons (ie. your own peace of mind) it might be a good idea to see if you can at least get on with her, rather than let her attitude affect your enjoyment.

Someone has to be reasonable, and clearly it's not going to he her...

[Buttons]

Do we have two alpha females after one Gamma man does she know you’re his ‘partner’

Yes ..

[Buttons]

I thought I knew who you are Buttons, but now I'm not so sure......:rofl:

I take it the speechless part threw you

[Buttons]

All I'm saying is, it's not pleasant going to a venue where there may be "atmosphere" - so for your own purely selfish reasons (ie. your own peace of mind) it might be a good idea to see if you can at least get on with her, rather than let her attitude affect your enjoyment.

Someone has to be reasonable, and clearly it's not going to he her...

I agree it would not be pleasant but I do not think she even realised I was p****d off. I am sorry if I implied that there was/is or going to be an atmosphere. There wasn't/isn't or going to be. Those who know me realise I am big and ugly enough to still enjoy my evenings and not let this affect me. In a funny sort of way I am actually quite proud that she thought my partner's dancing was worth making a complaint for. I hope he does not turn into a hotshot dancer over this and cuts my quota down.

[Dance Demon]

I take it the speechless part threw you

Yep...but the bolshi bit was OK......:kiss:

[stewart38]

Do we have two alpha females after one Gamma man does she know you’re his ‘partner’

Yes

She knows you’re his partner, then has a go at you ,after she has already dance with him twice for not letting you dance with him more !

Burn the women at the Stake

[TheTramp]

I hope it was over the evening and not all at once. You may be next to get the complaining
Nah. No-one ever asks me to dance anyhow :tears:

[Buttons]

Nah. No-one ever asks me to dance anyhow :tears:

I did/do/will when well enough.

[Lynn]

Sorry to hear of this encounter. You were not being unreasonable, she was. :flower:

But I'm not going to agree with all the replies here that suggest to tell such a person where to go. That sort of response is not going to help the situation and is usually made out of anger when people do not have the self control to be able to think about their response. (And yes we all probably do it at times if really pushed to the limits, but its never helpful.)

She was the one in the wrong, it sounds like she was upset and feeling frustrated about the shortage of men and perhaps perceived that you were actually dancing with your partner more than you were. (Of course you could, if you wanted, dance with him all night if you were off duty.) Sometimes pointing out the facts can help. However in the situation I would probably have been speechless and not had time to articulate a reasoned reply on the spot.

Sometimes its best to let these things pass, and only pursue it if there is a another similar occurance, sometimes its better to confront, discuss and clear the air. It sounds to me like it might be easiest to let this one pass, but be prepared to have a response should she ever act like this again.:hug:

[Buttons]

Sorry to hear of this encounter. You were not being unreasonable, she was. :flower:

However in the situation I would probably have been speechless and not had time to articulate a reasoned reply on the spot.

Sometimes its best to let these things pass, and only pursue it if there is a another similar occurance, sometimes its better to confront, discuss and clear the air. It sounds to me like it might be easiest to let this one pass, but be prepared to have a response should she ever act like this again.:hug:

I was speechless and do have a response ready. Ta for hugs, advice and flowers to you and all who replied:cheers:

[Ballroom queen]

Why do people think they have a "right" to dance with other people? IMHO If you're out with your other half why shouldn't you dance with them all night if thats what you as a couple want to do???? I can't believe what happened to Buttons and feel very sorry for her, even without her being unwell etc etc. Its one thing when you're "working" / "taxiing" but a totally different thing when you're on a night out.

If I see people "hogging" each other I think its great - maybe they have "got lucky" and good luck to them

[Baruch]

I have been unwell and unable to dance properly for a while now and am only just getting back into the swing of things....

the other night I was actually feeling well enough to dance....

One woman (who knew my situation) came up to me and complained that I had hogged my partner all night and who did I think I was.I can sympathise with your partner. My wife has a long-term illness which means that she's often not well enough to dance, so when she is well enough I try to dance with her as much as possible. That's not to say we won't dance with anyone else, and I'm sure that's true of you and your partner as well. I'm happy to dance with anyone, but she's my wife so she's a special case.

Unlike you I've never had anyone complain, but if I did I imagine that my response would be a calm, reasoned explanation of the facts, plus explaining that I'll dance with whoever I want. Possibly followed by either asking the lady concerned to dance or just getting up and dancing with my wife again (if she has the energy), depending on my mood at the time. Getting hot under the collar helps nobody, especially if you both attend the same venue regularly.