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Your wife
3rd-April-2006, 01:50 PM
... whats all that about?

It seems to be an increasing and infuriating phenomenam. Couples, usually the younger ones, who go to classes and freestyles and spend the entire evening dancing only with each other, or sitting out songs together.

Correct me if I'm wrong, isnt ceroc supposed to be a SOCIAL activity? Or are these people just slightly smug?

I'm quite willing to accept that Ceroc Champs is coming up and competitors are practising. But this is something that goes on ALL YEAR.

I often find myself at freestyles fighting the urge to go up to these people and ask "why are you here?" If you intend to only dance with one person all night, why spend £8 to do it? Could'nt they have just stayed at home and put the radio on?

I'm not the only one thinking this am I?

Feelingpink
3rd-April-2006, 02:02 PM
... whats all that about?

It seems to be an increasing and infuriating phenomenam. Couples, usually the younger ones, who go to classes and freestyles and spend the entire evening dancing only with each other, or sitting out songs together.

Correct me if I'm wrong, isnt ceroc supposed to be a SOCIAL activity? Or are these people just slightly smug? ... I often find myself at freestyles fighting the urge to go up to these people and ask "why are you here?" ...Why don't you ask one of them to dance instead?

Minnie M
3rd-April-2006, 02:08 PM
... I'm not the only one thinking this am I?
strange thread for someone with "Your Wife" name :whistle:

I agree with Feelingpink - ask :o - as long as they aren't not snogging etc., I don't see a problem :innocent:

El Salsero Gringo
3rd-April-2006, 02:21 PM
strange thread for someone with "Your Wife" name :whistle:
phenomenamI think it's Gus in drag.

Zebra Woman
3rd-April-2006, 02:31 PM
Correct me if I'm wrong, isnt ceroc supposed to be a SOCIAL activity? Or are these people just slightly smug?


And this is supposed to be a free country. :what:

I say leave them to it. We all pay £8 to dance with who we want to dance with. I would tend not to approach and ask the guy for a dance. I would hate anyone to dance with me if they didn't really want to, and couples like that are usually giving all the signals that they don't.



If you intend to only dance with one person all night, why spend £8 to do it? Could'nt they have just stayed at home and put the radio on?


They may not live in the same home.

David Franklin
3rd-April-2006, 02:37 PM
I often find myself at freestyles fighting the urge to go up to these people and ask "why are you here?" If you intend to only dance with one person all night, why spend £8 to do it? Could'nt they have just stayed at home and put the radio on?Just thought I'd pick up on this: just on practical terms, dancing at home is probably not a realistic option for most. I'd guess we have a bigger "clearable" area for dancing than the majority, and it's still not really enough to dance without worrying about hitting things all the time.

clevedonboy
3rd-April-2006, 02:51 PM
We tend to dance together more now - I like dancing with Julia, she likes dancing with me. At the last two Lindy dances we went to we were "outsiders" so we stuck together for comfort but at the last MJ dance we went to we danced Cha Cha Cha & Lindy to many tracks, finding someone else who can do that is not impossible but it's hard to tee up the right partner for the right track, so you just end up with the same person all night. Not a problem to me, why would it be a problem to someone else? There are plenty of other people out there to dance with

Minnie M
3rd-April-2006, 03:02 PM
We tend to dance together more now - I like dancing with Julia, she likes dancing with me. At the last two Lindy dances we went to we were "outsiders" so we stuck together for comfort but at the last MJ dance we went to we danced Cha Cha Cha & Lindy to many tracks, finding someone else who can do that is not impossible but it's hard to tee up the right partner for the right track, so you just end up with the same person all night. Not a problem to me, why would it be a problem to someone else? There are plenty of other people out there to dance with

:yeah: and why not - but you both still dance with others if asked :flower: IMO great combination :yeah:

Your wife
3rd-April-2006, 03:16 PM
Why don't you ask one of them to dance instead?

Fair point, I will try this the next event I go to. If my eyes aren't torn to shreds I'll consider it a sucess

Your wife
3rd-April-2006, 03:20 PM
And this is supposed to be a free country. :what:

I say leave them to it. We all pay £8 to dance with who we want to dance with. I would tend not to approach and ask the guy for a dance. I would hate anyone to dance with me if they didn't really want to, and couples like that are usually giving all the signals that they don't.


If you never dance with a new person they will never get a chance to decide if they like dancing with you in the first place! Variety is the spice of life, People!

Your wife
3rd-April-2006, 03:23 PM
We tend to dance together more now - I like dancing with Julia, she likes dancing with me. At the last two Lindy dances we went to we were "outsiders" so we stuck together for comfort but at the last MJ dance we went to we danced Cha Cha Cha & Lindy to many tracks, finding someone else who can do that is not impossible but it's hard to tee up the right partner for the right track, so you just end up with the same person all night. Not a problem to me, why would it be a problem to someone else? There are plenty of other people out there to dance with

For dancing Lindy and Cha Cha Cha I completely understand. But by worrying about weather you get the right person for the right track, you are missing one of the most magical moments of a ceroc night, finding the perfect partner to the perfect song by accident. Something that can really make your evening!

Feelingpink
3rd-April-2006, 03:35 PM
If you never dance with a new person they will never get a chance to decide if they like dancing with you in the first place! Variety is the spice of life, People!

Boy, do you sound angry. It IS a free country and if others are going to miss out on dancing with you, that's their call. Please don't turn into a MJ dictator, insisting that we all must dance with everyone. This topic has been done to death and very few people would be with you.

Your wife
3rd-April-2006, 03:46 PM
Boy, do you sound angry. It IS a free country and if others are going to miss out on dancing with you, that's their call. Please don't turn into a MJ dictator, insisting that we all must dance with everyone. This topic has been done to death and very few people would be with you.

Your right, I'm turning into a dictator. I can feel the Hitler moustach starting to sprout!

I do know its a free country, there for I've every right to have my say!

I'm not saying everyone should dance with everyone. But lately I've turned up at different venues and been suprised how fewer people are mixing.

You'll have to appreciate, I'm new to this site and if this topic has been covered before then I've missed it.

Quite a few people do agree with me in real life! We've talked about it at a events and then down the pub afterwards. Of corse if your not mixing, you would have missed that.....;)

stewart38
3rd-April-2006, 03:47 PM
Boy, do you sound angry. It IS a free country and if others are going to miss out on dancing with you, that's their call. Please don't turn into a MJ dictator, insisting that we all must dance with everyone. This topic has been done to death and very few people would be with you.


Cant someone post on here without everyone jumping down their throats

He/she didnt say that

Your wife
3rd-April-2006, 03:55 PM
Cant someone post on here without everyone jumping down their throats

He/she didnt say that


Cheers darling!

From now on I'm only dancing with you!;)

David Franklin
3rd-April-2006, 04:05 PM
He/she didnt say that:yeah:

To Your wife: When you use the
mechanism, you need to put at the end of what you're quoting or it won't work correctly.

To everyone else: As a follow-on from the above, we're getting run-on problems, because when you type
{stuff-someone-else-posted}, the [/QUOTE] is being used to close the missing [/QUOTE] from the person you quoted from. And so your own quote has a missing [/QUOTE] and the cycle continues.

It would help if you previewed your posts before sending them. Am I the only person who does this?

Your wife
3rd-April-2006, 04:10 PM
It would help if you previewed your posts before sending them. Am I the only person who does this?


Yes .

ducasi
3rd-April-2006, 04:18 PM
Can we get a moderator to clean up this mess? :rolleyes:

Donna
3rd-April-2006, 04:55 PM
And this is supposed to be a free country. :what:

I say leave them to it. We all pay £8 to dance with who we want to dance with. I would tend not to approach and ask the guy for a dance. I would hate anyone to dance with me if they didn't really want to, and couples like that are usually giving all the signals that they don't.




They may not live in the same home.

ZW I totally agree with you here! (rep on way) Me and my partner always dance together at freestyles as it is the only practice time we get, and that bit of time is precious and can mean making a big difference to how you perform on the day of the competition (not that it worked for Blackpool....but hey lets just FORGET about that!:blush: )

As much as I'd love to dance with other people, and do try and fit a couple in so that it doesn't look so bad, it's important that me and my partner get as much practice time as possible.. and if people don't understand that, then they should try all the competitions then!:mad:

Your wife
3rd-April-2006, 05:06 PM
ZW I totally agree with you here! (rep on way) Me and my partner always dance together at freestyles as it is the only practice time we get, and that bit of time is precious and can mean making a big difference to how you perform on the day of the competition (not that it worked for Blackpool....but hey lets just FORGET about that!:blush: )

As much as I'd love to dance with other people, and do try and fit a couple in so that it doesn't look so bad, it's important that me and my partner get as much practice time as possible.. and if people don't understand that, then they should try all the competitions then!:mad:

In my original thread I DID say that I understood why couples always dance together if they were practicing for a competition.

:what:

Lory
3rd-April-2006, 05:07 PM
Can we get a moderator to clean up this mess? :rolleyes:
Hmm that sure was messy! :devil: :rofl:

Donna
3rd-April-2006, 05:14 PM
In my original thread I DID say that I understood why couples always dance together if they were practicing for a competition.

:what:


I know but what i'm saying is, that the majority you see dancing together all the time, are competitiors OR maybe they are married and they don't like each other dancing with other people.

ducasi
3rd-April-2006, 05:15 PM
Thanks Lory! :)

Zebra Woman
3rd-April-2006, 05:58 PM
If you never dance with a new person they will never get a chance to decide if they like dancing with you in the first place! Variety is the spice of life, People!

I know that, Your Wife.

I love variety.

I like the variety that you get when some people dance with as many people as they can, some people dance only with people they find attractive, some people take their dances in pairs, some rush over for special songs, some people keep you dancing for as long as they can , and some people just want to dance with their partner. That is variety is it not?

Personally I have never danced exclusively with anyone all night (although there are a few people who could probably tempt me), but I have nothing against those who choose to dance exclusively for whatever reason.


ZW

Petal
3rd-April-2006, 07:20 PM
It would help if you previewed your posts before sending them. Am I the only person who does this?


No.:clap:

Petal
3rd-April-2006, 07:34 PM
...
Correct me if I'm wrong, isnt ceroc supposed to be a SOCIAL activity? I'm not the only one thinking this am I?

..... it's almost as bad as dancing mj at a muggles dance, who would dare?!!!:mad: The muggles don't mind but........

Baruch
3rd-April-2006, 07:59 PM
It seems to be an increasing and infuriating phenomenam. Couples, usually the younger ones, who go to classes and freestyles and spend the entire evening dancing only with each other, or sitting out songs together.

Correct me if I'm wrong, isnt ceroc supposed to be a SOCIAL activity? Or are these people just slightly smug?
I thought MJ was just about dancing. The social side of it is there and can be great, but the dancing is the main focus for some of us. I would say that when I'm at a freestyle with my wife, we dance with each other about 60% to 70% of the time. Why? Well, because we enjoy dancing with each other, first and foremost; because we want to improve as a dance partnership; and because sometimes we might be practising for a competition (or with future competitions in mind).

Even though I may be dancing a lot with my wife, it doesn't mean I don't want to dance with anyone else, or that if someone asks either of us to dance we'll be reluctant. It just means that we like dancing together.

We pay our money just like everyone else, and frankly it's our business who we choose to dance with.

As someone else has already said, if you see someone you want to dance with, but that person is spending most of his or her time dancing with one person, just ask. You may be pleasantly surprised (and that person may have been wondering why nobody ever asks him/her to dance apart from the other half!).

Jive Brummie
3rd-April-2006, 08:10 PM
Have read this thread with some interest because...

"I OFTEN ONLY DANCE WITH MY PARTNER AT A FREESTYLE:eek: "

Sorry for the shouting but I felt I had to be cleansed!

And another thing, I really don't apologise for doing that. It's already been said but I'll repeat it anyway...I am a paying punter...so I get the choice to dance with whoever I want, and yes, there are times when I only want to dance with the missus.

There are a multitude of reasons...most of them could easily be misinterpreted as being quite offensive, but the overiding one is...


...Because I can.

I know that's about as much help as a chocolate fire guard...but hey.

JB x x

p.s. *disclaimer* when I go to a freestyle with the intention of dancing with FC all night...I would never say no to somebody purely because of that reason. I think it's a bit sad if people are genuinely doing that. *disclaimer*

Andreas
3rd-April-2006, 08:19 PM
>> lots of complaining <<
I'm not the only one thinking this am I?
You are probably not the only person who thinks like that but I am not one of them. :flower:

When a couple goes toa freestyle dance it may actually only look for a smoke-free venue to dance. If they are dancing all night by themselves in a pub you'll possibly think 'Oh, how romantic.' Why can't they do the same at an organised dance party? :eek:

Andreas
3rd-April-2006, 08:21 PM
..... it's almost as bad as dancing mj at a muggles dance, who would dare?!!!:mad: The muggles don't mind but........
:eek: :eek: Where did that come from?

Baruch
3rd-April-2006, 08:24 PM
There's also the related phenomenon of doing classes as fixed couples. Personally, I've never "coupled up" at a normal dance class, but on a recent weekender organised by Cardiff Dance Club, I stayed with my wife and didn't rotate for most of the workshops. That caused a few people who were rotating to comment afterwards, especially as more than half the people there were in fixed couples. So why did we "couple up"? Because we trust each other's ability, and I wasn't going to do a "flash moves" workshop and loads of drops with someone I hardly know and whose skill level is unknown to me. It's a matter of personal safety.

Lory
3rd-April-2006, 08:29 PM
..... it's almost as bad as dancing mj at a muggles dance, who would dare?!!!:mad:
me :blush:

Jive Brummie
3rd-April-2006, 08:40 PM
There's also the related phenomenon of doing classes as fixed couples. Personally, I've never "coupled up" at a normal dance class, but on a recent weekender organised by Cardiff Dance Club, I stayed with my wife and didn't rotate for most of the workshops. That caused a few people who were rotating to comment afterwards, especially as more than half the people there were in fixed couples. So why did we "couple up"? Because we trust each other's ability, and I wasn't going to do a "flash moves" workshop and loads of drops with someone I hardly know and whose skill level is unknown to me. It's a matter of personal safety.

Yes yes, Melanie and I have done this too.:eek:

For exactly the same reasons. We don't tend to do many workshops and to be honest we don't do amny classes, but when we do we'd rather be together as we want to learn the moves/workshops as a couple who trust each other and who can work through it all together.

It helps us to learn far better than rotating, certainly for workshops anyway.

JB.

Jive Brummie
3rd-April-2006, 08:47 PM
As an example of the above, when Melanie and I went to Scarborough we did Mark & Simone Harding's Aerial workshop.

A big step for us as we'd never, ever done anything aerial before. Needless to say we stayed together. But, rather interestingly (or maybe not:blush: ) we made sure that the other couple we worked with in terms of spotters and all that were people we also knew well and trusted as opposed to going with any old Joe Bloggs.

(Thanks Keith & Janey:worthy: )

SO we were not only selective with dancing with each other, but also the people we worked with...

Yeah, yeah...be banished to the corner and all that.

*mental note* I must dance with others *mental not*

J.

ducasi
3rd-April-2006, 09:01 PM
*mental note* I must dance with others *mental not* Freudian slap there James? :D

Jive Brummie
3rd-April-2006, 09:17 PM
Freudian slap there James? :D

:blush: :rofl: :rofl:

Petal
3rd-April-2006, 10:06 PM
me :blush:

...:whistle: me too, but did you know it's frowned :( on.

Andreas
3rd-April-2006, 11:31 PM
... did you know it's frowned :( on.
Did you know that usually people only complain when dancers do that they want to dance with? :whistle:

Ste
4th-April-2006, 12:36 AM
I know that's about as much help as a chocolate fire guard...but hey.



Chocolate fire guard...hahaha! I think I will nick that one! :rofl: :rofl:

Donna and I do dance with each other a lot but it isn't just because we compete together.

We also have dance lessons in a different style (ie not MJ) and we pay a lot of money for these lessons. It is very diffcult get a chance to practice apart from freestyles and very expensive (booking halls) so we have to use the freestyles to practice. I already get shouted at by the teacher who has almost given us the sack because we don't practice enough!(Strange, we pay him but he can sack us!!!!).

So then you get people having a go at you because you don't dance with everyone (because you need to practice) and then if you don't practice enough, you get shouted at by your dance teacher. But my dance teacher is far scarier than anyone in the dance hall, so he wins. Plus he used to do jiu jitsu which is far deadlier than the shotokan that I used to do.

At the end of the day, the punter pays the money and he has the choice.

Before I competed/ paid huge sums for lessons, I used to count how many dances I had in a night and tried to dance with as many people as possible.

But I do sympathise with the thread starter. When I danced in London at Hammersmith, quite a few of the really good dancer girls at the front used to refuse to dance with me (even though competitions weren't as high profile as they are now). So even after I had danced for a long time, I would not dance with the top dancers because I did not feel good enough to. Even now, with certain "good" dancers, I will not ask them for a dance. FOr a long time, there was one girl who must have refused me about 4 times because she was too good to dance with me but about a year back she wanted to dance with me....!

I guess you have to respect another person's choice.

filthycute
4th-April-2006, 12:58 AM
The only reason i dance with James a lot is cause it's the only time i get a chance to spend any time with him :tears: No seriously, i work shifts...(soon to be many more when i get promoted next week and take charge of my newly refurbished restaurant :clap: ) and James works full time, teaches 2 classes (tues & fri evening) and he's re-training most other evenings and weekends so he has a new career when he comes out the Raf. So joking aside it really is the one of the rare chances i get to spend time with him :( We see so little of each other we've had to book a few days away on the banks of Loch Ness just to catch up :eek: (oh and there's the delight of visiting Inverness ice rink and teaching James to skate :rofl: )



But to echo James.....we never turn anyone down for dances. :wink:

Melanie x

robd
4th-April-2006, 09:39 AM
Personally I have never danced exclusively with anyone all night (although there are a few people who could probably tempt me), but I have nothing against those who choose to dance exclusively for whatever reason.


I haven't (and wouldn't ever wish to have) danced exclusively with one person for a whole evening. I did spend the majority of a local night last week dancing with one of my mostest favouritest ladies who is a great dancer, willing to play around and just a general pleasure to be with BUT I was still getting bored (as I am sure was she) after about the 8th dance. I am sure this has its roots in my (and I know it's the same for the majority of leaders) limited repertoire and equally limited ability to improvise. That fancy underarm/tuck turn/wiggly walk may enthuse and delight you both on the first 2 or 3 occasions of a night but after that....

I wouldn't knock those for whom staying fixed works but it's not for me.

Robert

philsmove
4th-April-2006, 10:02 AM
...

It seems to be an increasing and infuriating phenomenam. ?


Not that I have noticed.

I would guess about 5% of people regularly fix at my normal freestyles

They always have, but I have not notice any increase

It’s a bit anti social, if there is a big gender imbalance

But as FP says it’s a free world

TA Guy
4th-April-2006, 11:07 AM
I do think there's a theoretical point to be made about Ceroc being a friendly, social event and dancing with fixed partners. It's pretty much related to the similar point about competitions in themselves and the philosophy of Ceroc.

I also think there is a huge difference between going to a freestyle with a 'fixed' partner and not asking anyone to dance but accepting when asked;
or going to a freestyle and always dancing with the same partner and making yourself 'unavailable to be asked' by being off the dance floor or something when not dancing with your partner.... both those seem a good solution....
and having a fixed partner and actually turning people down.

Genie
4th-April-2006, 11:36 AM
I think it's ok to leave these 'couples' be - unless they're new and just standing together for comfort. In which case, try going up and chatting to them, or grab a guy and say "If you ask her to dance, I can ask him" and then you're not leaving one of them standing alone :p

If you know they don't like dancing with anyone else, leave them be. I certainly don't like dancing with someone who doesn't want to dance with me. And there are pleanty of other dancers on the dance floor who are more social animals (watch out, they bite)

I wouldn't do it (and i know my partner wouldn't expect me to) but that doesn't mean other couples shouldn't.

Chat to them. That works for me. Also - introducing 'her' to my man works as well - she stops glaring then ;) Some women/men can be a little possessive. But that's ok. Not everyone is confident/comfortable with each other and with people in general - and shouldn't be pressured. Ceroc is not a 'pressure' event. It's a social one. Where 'everyone' is supposed to have fun :)

Lynn
4th-April-2006, 11:49 AM
I agree with the 'you pay to come and dance and can dance with whoever you want'. If you want to dance with your partner all night you can. If you want to refuse dances with other people because of that you can. (You might not be very popular but then you don't want to dance with anyone else so that won't matter!)

Someone dancing with their partner all night may be perceived as elite or exclusive in the same way as someone who only dances with good dancers all night - but its their choice.

I would hate for it to become common place in that the majority of people only dance in couples but I don't think it will. I don't think a small percentage of people doing this will affect the MJ world.

Personally I prefer to mix - locally because things are still getting off ground and its essential - and at weekenders because I love meeting new people. If I was at a weekender with a dance partner that I was working on improving with, I would probably want to dance more with them at times during the weekend and mix a lot at other times.

I think there is a big difference between dancing a lot with your partner because you enjoy it/want to practice/whatever - but still being friendly, approachable and willing to dance with others if asked - and being an unapproachable 'don't talk to us' couple arriving with, sitting with and only talking to, another similiar couple or two. Fortunately we don't see many of the latter in the MJ world.

Donna
4th-April-2006, 11:55 AM
[QUOTE=Lynn]I agree with the 'you pay to come and dance and can dance with whoever you want'. If you want to dance with your partner all night you can. If you want to refuse dances with other people because of that you can. (You might not be very popular but then you don't want to dance with anyone else so that won't matter!)


I also agree with this point. I'd feel awful though if I was asked for a dance, and refused them. (Unless I had a good reason not to of course then I wouldn't feel too bad.)


Someone dancing with their partner all night may be perceived as elite or exclusive in the same way as someone who only dances with good dancers all night - but its their choice.

Suppose we're going to have another thread now called 'Dancers who only dance with good dancers! :rofl: (No don't do it!)

MartinHarper
4th-April-2006, 11:56 AM
In bygone times (you know, when gentlemen escorted ladies on and off the floor, and so forth) it would be considered very rude to go to a dance and dance only with one partner. Etiquette advice from the time suggested that if a gentleman and a lady wished to dance exclusively with each other, they should do so in their own home(s), rather than at a public/social function.

Times have moved on, those of us who dance do not always have a large enough dancable floor in our own homes, and dance events are a little more about dancing and a little less about socialising. I feel we must be more tolerant of those who resort to using public functions for their private dancing. Using a dance floor in your own home is still ideal though.

Donna
4th-April-2006, 12:00 PM
[QUOTE=MartinHarper] Etiquette advice from the time suggested that if a gentleman and a lady wished to dance exclusively with each other, they should do so in their own home(s), rather than at a public/social function.

And trust me, it's not the best place..... especially when practicing ariels! You get carpet burns too!! :rolleyes: On your feet that is! :rofl: (Except for my living room floor... being wooden... it's like my own personal dance floor now... plus it's massive so plenty of space!) Hmmm ideas.. ideas...

Trousers
4th-April-2006, 12:16 PM
I was going out with a lovely lady - stunning dancer - for a long time and she worked in a private school and only got the monday night free. Fortunately for me she chose to spend her time off with me and we would go dancing. This was the only dancing she got to do all week and chose to dance with me all night.
Why would I stop her when she said she wanted good dances and that she loved dancing with me even though I would worry that my repertoire was too limited to sustain an hour and a half of continuous dance with one person.

If someone wanted to interrupt and take a dance thats fine we would do that too - but we chose not to actively ask anyone else on these nights.

So (as they say) what?

Tessalicious
4th-April-2006, 12:18 PM
I have a hypothetical question for Your wife.

If 'Your husband' came along to a Ceroc freestyle (assuming he can dance, and perhaps that he is enjoyable to dance with :rolleyes: ) and asked you for every dance, would you refuse? What about if it were his birthday, your wedding anniversary, you've had a really bad day and don't want to be thrown around by any unknowns, he's about to go on a three week business trip without you and it is your last night of dancing together for that long - would that make a difference to your answer?

If you had any doubt in your head about what your answer would be to any of those situations, don't presume to judge anyone on their actions where the circumstances leading up to it may be more complicated than you are aware.

MartinHarper
4th-April-2006, 12:27 PM
... he's about to go on a three week business trip without you and it is your last night of dancing together for that long ...

I think I'd want a room with a dance floor, a CD player, and a bed.

Tessalicious
4th-April-2006, 12:31 PM
I think I'd want a room with a dance floor, a CD player, and a bed.Well, yes, me too... in fact, not even sure about needing the dance floor... or the CD player... but that's another story.

My point is that everyone is different, and has reasons for doing what they do. It's very easy to get the wrong idea about someone's attitude or intentions and therefore criticise them for doing something that is perfectly normal for someone in their shoes.

Donna
4th-April-2006, 01:44 PM
My point is that everyone is different, and has reasons for doing what they do. It's very easy to get the wrong idea about someone's attitude or intentions and therefore criticise them for doing something that is perfectly normal for someone in their shoes.


:yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: I've had people in the past hinting because I haven't danced with anybody else much. Maybe if they had the guts to ask me why!

David Franklin
4th-April-2006, 03:46 PM
I would guess about 5% of people regularly fix at my normal freestyles Wow! I never realised there was such a bad drug problem in Modern Jive!

(Sorry - but I did have to look twice before I realised that wasn't what you were saying!)

Your wife
4th-April-2006, 06:04 PM
Thats a bit better. :respect: Yestoday everybody seemed to think I was satan incarnate. Theres been some good suggestions, such as a grabbing a man and suggesting we both go and ask the couple to dance. By the way, I do go to events with my best friend (wife, not husband) we have the first dance, then go spread our love and dance with everyone else. She's a great lead, but if I danced with her for more than 3 songs in a row, even I'd get bored (no disrespect to the wife):flower:

Donna
4th-April-2006, 06:14 PM
[QUOTE=Your wife]By the way, I do go to events with my best friend (wife, not husband) we have the first dance, then go spread our love and dance with everyone else.


Yeeess you are strange. You call yourself 'your wife' and you also have a wife? :what: :confused: Ahem.:)

Andreas
4th-April-2006, 07:19 PM
Theres been some good suggestions, such as a grabbing a man and suggesting we both go and ask the couple to dance.
What you call a good idea is insulting to me. Intrusion of privacy is nothing to be proud of.

ducasi
4th-April-2006, 07:31 PM
What you call a good idea is insulting to me. Intrusion of privacy is nothing to be proud of.
Where's the insult? Where's the intrusion of privacy? Where is the pride? :confused:

WittyBird
4th-April-2006, 07:59 PM
There are a couple that always go to Finchley and a few other venues in North London that he always refuses other dancers but she dances with other men. They normally sit in a corner with their arms around each other :mad:


Shame really, he has refused MissyD (i have never asked) which is stoopid.

The thing I find amusing is they aint that good :rofl:

drathzel
4th-April-2006, 08:16 PM
There are a couple that always go to Finchley and a few other venues in North London that he always refuses other dancers but she dances with other men. They normally sit in a corner with their arms around each other :mad:


Shame really, he has refused MissyD (i have never asked) which is stoopid.

The thing I find amusing is they aint that good :rofl:

Ah yes, i have also encountered them!:rolleyes:

Trinity
4th-April-2006, 09:27 PM
Ah yes, i have also encountered them!:rolleyes:
I think I have also encountered them.

WB - are they both really miserable looking ? her with long hair , him with short almost shaved / bald?

drathzel
4th-April-2006, 09:32 PM
I think I have also encountered them.

WB - are they both really miserable looking ? her with long hair , him with short almost shaved / bald?

Did you just not describe half of the attendees at Finchley?:D

Trinity
4th-April-2006, 09:41 PM
Did you just not describe half of the attendees at Finchley?:D

Probably, but these two make a point of showing off :confused:

WittyBird
4th-April-2006, 09:45 PM
Did you just not describe half of the attendees at Finchley?:D

Easy tiger some of us taxi there! :what:
It's not always like that :flower:

drathzel
4th-April-2006, 09:46 PM
Probably, but these two make a point of showing off :confused:

sorry but i repeat..Did you just not describe half of the attendees at Finchley?

WittyBird
4th-April-2006, 09:46 PM
sorry but i repeat..Did you just not describe half of the attendees at Finchley?
:rofl: :respect:

Lory
4th-April-2006, 09:48 PM
her with long hair , him with short almost shaved / bald?
:what: sounds like a couple I know :what:

:rofl:

WittyBird
4th-April-2006, 09:50 PM
:what: sounds like a couple I know :what:

:rofl:

I know who Trinity is on about,
She looks about 15 years older than you and he looks about 20 years older than KevF.

Anyway I had a great dance with you and with KevF at Ashtons last week :D

Lory
4th-April-2006, 09:59 PM
Anyway I had a great dance with you and with KevF at Ashtons last week :D
I was only joking! :na:

And yes, we had a fabulous dance! :flower: :cheers:

WittyBird
4th-April-2006, 10:02 PM
I was only joking! :na:

:whistle: :wink:

Missy D
4th-April-2006, 10:03 PM
There are a couple that always go to Finchley and a few other venues in North London that he always refuses other dancers but she dances with other men. They normally sit in a corner with their arms around each other :mad:


Shame really, he has refused MissyD (i have never asked) which is stoopid.

The thing I find amusing is they aint that good :rofl:

:yeah:

I had forgotten all about this couple!:angry: I rarely ask men to dance as i am always getting refused (must be a pretty scarey women eh). I saw this couple and watched them dance oddly but they seemed to be enjoying themselves. Anyway i noticed the woman go and dance with the lovely ballroom man that goes to Finchley so thought i would ask the man to dance. "Would you like to dance" I asked nevously! "NO! I only dance with her" he replied angrily! I was really upset!

Funny thing is when she finished dancing with the ballroom man her partner sat her down and then the proceeded to watch me dance for 20 minutes.

Whats there game?

*makes note to pack banana skin in dance bag for Finchley monday*

WittyBird
4th-April-2006, 10:06 PM
Funny thing is when she finished dancing with the ballroom man her partner sat her down and then the proceeded to watch me dance for 20 minutes.


:rofl: :worthy:
Don't they make a beautiful couple :tongue in cheek smilie:

Andreas
4th-April-2006, 10:54 PM
Where's the insult? Where's the intrusion of privacy? Where is the pride? :confused:
What would you like, Sir. Walk through the desert or take a plane? A plane? Sorry, for you we have walking on the agenda.

Have you ever considered that the attempt of somebody depriving you of your choice could be insulting?

------

Honey, let's stay in tonight and have an evening just in our company. Who is that at the door? The neighbours? And why don't they accept that we do not wish their company right now?

Invasion of privacy? To me it is.


Going out for a dance does by no means mark a person as somebody else' property. By depriving these persons of a choice to enjoy the night just the way THEY want means you are considering them 'your property'. Just because you like to go to a bar does not mean you need to shout for others.

A number of posts in this thread are a very sad display of lack of tolerance. How can anybody have the atrocity to say 'if you come to an MJ event you will have to dance with whoever wants to dance with you'? And I thought the Salsa scene was rude ... :sick:

ducasi
5th-April-2006, 12:12 AM
Have you ever considered that the attempt of somebody depriving you of your choice could be insulting?

------

Honey, let's stay in tonight and have an evening just in our company. Who is that at the door? The neighbours? And why don't they accept that we do not wish their company right now?

Invasion of privacy? To me it is. I wouldn't call it insulting. Insulting is calling people names, treating someone as stupid, or something like that. Basically pinning some negative attribute on them.

I don't see that "Your wife"'s "good idea" is attributing anything to you, though I can understand why you don't like her attitude.

I probably wouldn't incur your displeasure, as I am very much a "live and let live" sort of person, and so would leave you alone.

But where there is a culture of dancing with anyone and everyone, and on a night where most people are there to dance with and be sociable with as many people as possible, it should hardly be a surprise if people want to dance with you, and try to ask.

If you and your partner are out dancing, not wanting to dance with anyone else, but a friend comes up and says "hi!" and wants to have a conversation with you, do you take that as an invasion of your privacy?

Thing is, a freestyle isn't a private place. You can't expect to have total privacy. If you really want privacy to dance and be with your partner, wouldn't it be better to either stay in and not answer the door, or book a place yourself so that no-one can disturb you? :)

frodo
5th-April-2006, 12:23 AM
Theres been some good suggestions, such as a grabbing a man and suggesting we both go and ask the couple to dance.What you call a good idea is insulting to me. Intrusion of privacy is nothing to be proud of.
What a depressing thought that that would be considered insulting.

Clearly if a couple make positively clear they don't want to dance with anyone that it isn't appropriate (maybe they could wear badges :-) ).
But given the general culture of Ceroc I don't think a Ceroc night is the best venue for someone who find the mere act of being asked insulting.

I think the act of asking a couple together can be quite a considerate, inclusive and welcoming thing to do, and I've found it so when asked when I've been part of a couple. Should people really avoid the benefits where it is welcome for those cases where it is not.

Maybe i'm missing something here, or haven't read it correctly - in which case I apologise for the misunderstanding.

MartinHarper
5th-April-2006, 01:13 AM
Invasion of privacy? To me it is.

If you find being asked for a dance to be an unpleasant invasion of privacy, I can only suggest that you don't enter an event full of one hundred people each of whom asks someone to dance every ten minutes or so. The odds of you having an enjoyable evening in that situation are slim.

Andreas
5th-April-2006, 07:46 AM
Your responses to my post oonly imply that you did not get my point. The problem that started this threat is not 'shock I am being asked for a dance'. Not at all. The problem is charging on the dance floor and breaking up a couple that wishes to dance just with each other.

Tiggerbabe
5th-April-2006, 08:59 AM
Your responses to my post only imply that you did not get my point. The problem that started this thread is not 'shock I am being asked for a dance'. Not at all. The problem is charging on the dance floor and breaking up a couple that wishes to dance just with each other.
To be fair, Andreas, I don't think that anyone suggested they charge onto the dance floor to break the couple up (I've just reread the whole thread). What was suggested was that it might be better to go "as a couple" to ask both the man and lady if they would like to dance so that one was not left out :nice:
At which point, the couple dancing together can always so "no thankyou" and continue with each other.

timbp
5th-April-2006, 11:02 AM
The problem is charging on the dance floor and breaking up a couple that wishes to dance just with each other.

I know I'm just a naive colonial writing from the other side of the world, with no true understanding of good manners and etiquette. But is the problem "charging on the dance floor and breaking up a couple that wishes to dance just with each other" or is it "charging on the dance floor and breaking up a couple", or is it simply "charging on the dance floor"?

When I read the earlier responses that recommended just asking the people for a dance, I always assumed that meant off the dance floor. This whole phenomenon of going onto the dance floor to ask hasn't (yet) taken off here. I really hope it never does.

Andreas
5th-April-2006, 01:19 PM
To be fair, Andreas, I don't think that anyone suggested they charge onto the dance floor to break the couple up (I've just reread the whole thread). What was suggested was that it might be better to go "as a couple" to ask both the man and lady if they would like to dance so that one was not left out :nice:
To me a couple that remains on the dance floor has not yet finished dancing with each other. Breaking it up as a single person or a couple is merely removing the humiliation for the left out party. It does not change the fact that I am intruding into a partnership, which I have no right for. :flower:


At which point, the couple dancing together can always so "no thankyou" and continue with each other.
Again, why would they need to be put into this situation? Staying on the dance floor is a clear statement, isn't it?

I am sorry if people feel offended by me taking such a definite position. Exactly what is being suggested here has happened in NZ to me several times, single persons and couples just busting in. I don't think anybody can complain that I refuse to dance with other people, in fact I enjoy variety, just like ZW wrote in her early post. But if the girl I dance with and I choose to dance with for however long both of us feel happy with it then anybody busting in is just plain rude. I have always tried to fend it off in a fun way, but seeing somebody actually complaining that other people ask for the same right to choose who to dance with as the complainers claim for themselves is not only ridiculous, it is revolting in my eyes. :flower:

TA Guy
5th-April-2006, 01:36 PM
deleted.

Sorry, just decided this type of misunderstanding of what people write is too complicated for me without my coffee.

Alice
5th-April-2006, 01:48 PM
It seems there's some disagreement whether it's a case of charging onto the dance floor to break up a couple dancing "exclusively" with each other, or whether the issue is more the "exclusive" bit...
I would never break up a couple still on the dance floor and keen to keep dancing with each other (ok, only rarely and when they're friends and I know it's ok)..

For the other- personally, I find it a bit annoying when a couple only dances with each other (aside from dance partners practising of course) but that's just cos that means I don't get to dance with them myself! Though I would think it's hardly ideal for them- no privacy :whistle: and people rocking up every few minutes to ask one of them for a dance! If they're going to get offended at being asked, then they probably should consider dancing on their own at home... otherwise, I say live and let live. Hopefully they'll come to their senses one day and dance with other people, but in the meantime, who am I to forbid them to enjoy each other's company?

Zebra Woman
6th-April-2006, 01:37 PM
To me a couple that remains on the dance floor has not yet finished dancing with each other. Breaking it up as a single person or a couple is merely removing the humiliation for the left out party. It does not change the fact that I am intruding into a partnership, which I have no right for. :flower:


Again, why would they need to be put into this situation? Staying on the dance floor is a clear statement, isn't it?



:yeah: :yeah: :yeah:

I agree with Andreas. Anyone still on the dance floor and close to/talking with the person they were dancing with, is not fair game for asking:angry: . Simple as that. I wish some folks would slow down on their approach, and I also wish more couples would stand their ground when intruded upon.

As ChrisA has said in the past, it really is down to the people still together to knock back the interloper...in the nicest possible way.

I for one am very glad Andreas takes a firm line on this, and I wish more men would. If he is enjoying several dances with someone, I know not to disturb him. Likewise if I am enjoying several dances on the trot with him I know he won't allow a predatory woman to butt in leave me high and dry (well wet actually).

ZW

MartinHarper
6th-April-2006, 02:51 PM
To me a couple that remains on the dance floor has not yet finished dancing with each other. Breaking it up as a single person or a couple is merely removing the humiliation for the left out party.

This attitude disgusts me. You have no right to steal my last Rolo! What you call removing humiliation is insulting to me.

Zebra Woman
6th-April-2006, 09:32 PM
This attitude disgusts me. You have no right to steal my last Rolo! What you call removing humiliation is insulting to me.

It's OK Martin, you can keep your last Rolo

:hug:

Your wife
7th-April-2006, 02:12 PM
To me a couple that remains on the dance floor has not yet finished dancing with each other. Breaking it up as a single person or a couple is merely removing the humiliation for the left out party. It does not change the fact that I am intruding into a partnership, which I have no right for. :flower:

But if the girl I dance with and I choose to dance with for however long both of us feel happy with it then anybody busting in is just plain rude. I have always tried to fend it off in a fun way, but seeing somebody actually complaining that other people ask for the same right to choose who to dance with as the complainers claim for themselves is not only ridiculous, it is revolting in my eyes. :flower:

Once again I find myself having to clarify my exact intentions to avoid being shouted at by the same old faces (hello Zebra Woman). I have never and would never charge onto the dancefloor to break up a couple that was allready dancing together, to be honest they are giving off enough "keep away" signals usually anyway. What I meant was, when the couple was standing out or sitting down. And before you both start, last time I checked it is as perfectly exceptable to ask someone standing or sitting on the edge of the dancefloor for a dance, as it is for them to refuse.

Note; I have taken a friend and asked a fixed couple to dance with us before and the man actually said while we were dancing it was nice to have a change of partner.

Andreas
7th-April-2006, 07:41 PM
What I meant was, when the couple was standing out or sitting down. And before you both start, last time I checked it is as perfectly exceptable to ask someone standing or sitting on the edge of the dancefloor for a dance, as it is for them to refuse.
Fair enough and I agree with that. If that was the point of the thread then the description has been misleading because this problem here is then more 'being turned down for not really any good reasons' ... see Hotshot thread.

I apologise, I obviously misunderstood you there. :flower: