Dance Etiquette

[Swinging bee]

Someone I know was quite upset recently having been refused a dance on the grounds..... " I don't like this track, come and find me later when something better is on"
At the time I was playing the 'St louis blues boogie' which IMHO is a fabulous piece of music!
Does the forum have an opinion on this incident, I took the view that it was rather rude. obviously the person refusing had no thought that just maybe, the person asking just might liked the track, as indeed was the case.

[Andreas]

I consider it rude but perhaps not on the grounds that you do.

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'.

- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'!

If I turn somebody down for the reason of getting changed or whatever then I go and find the other person. :flower:

[Feelingpink]

Someone I know was quite upset recently having been refused a dance on the grounds..... " I don't like this track, come and find me later when something better is on"
At the time I was playing the 'St louis blues boogie' which IMHO is a fabulous piece of music!
Does the forum have an opinion on this incident, I took the view that it was rather rude. obviously the person refusing had no thought that just maybe, the person asking just might liked the track, as indeed was the case.Rude? No. Honest? Don't know. If someone I ask to dance says this to me, then I would accept it. I'm not going to have the best dance in the world (even if it's MY most favourite track ever) if the other person isn't into it.
And most of my favourite dancers are quite choosy about what music they dance to.

[jivecat]

Someone I know was quite upset recently having been refused a dance on the grounds..... " I don't like this track, come and find me later when something better is on"
At the time I was playing the 'St louis blues boogie' which IMHO is a fabulous piece of music!
Does the forum have an opinion on this incident, I took the view that it was rather rude. obviously the person refusing had no thought that just maybe, the person asking just might liked the track, as indeed was the case.

I think it's only rude when you DON'T go and find the person later. I very rarely turn dances down but I occasionally do on these grounds if I'm tired, say, and don't want to waste energy on music that I won't enjoy. But going back to find that person is essential, otherwise it's just a fob-off. I've had that done to me often enough not to want to do it to someone else.

There's also no point trying to make the other person dance to something they don't like, that's a sure recipe for an unsatisfactory dance. Much better to catch them later.

[Donna]

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'.

Me neither


- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'!

Which tells you he might as well have said, 'Ur, I'm not dancing with you.' Some pretty stupid excuse then blaming the music.

[TiggsTours]

I consider it rude but perhaps not on the grounds that you do.

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'.

- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'!

If I turn somebody down for the reason of getting changed or whatever then I go and find the other person. :flower:
:yeah:
I do sometimes turn someone down if I don't like the music, because if I don't like what I'm dancing to, my heart won't be in it, and I won't be able to give my all to the dance, so spoiling the dance for my partner, I'm sure they'd rather dance with someone who will enjoy it. But when I do turn someone down for this reason, I nearly always go to find them when something comes on that I do like to see if they fancy that one! I say nearly, because I'm honest, sometimes you don't get back to someone you've turned down, and its not necessarily due to not trying.

[TiggsTours]

Rude? No. Honest? Don't know. If someone I ask to dance says this to me, then I would accept it. I'm not going to have the best dance in the world (even if it's MY most favourite track ever) if the other person isn't into it.
And most of my favourite dancers are quite choosy about what music they dance to.
If my favourite track came on, I'd far rather someone told me they don't want to dance to it, to give me the opportunity to find someone who does. If I were to end up dancing to my favourite track with someone who hated it, and was bored through-out, I'd make the most of it, but to be honest, I'd rather dance on the side of the dance floor on my own!

[Donna]

[QUOTE=TiggsTours]I nearly always go to find them when something comes on that I do like to see if they fancy that one!


Well at least you're honest.. but what would you do if they turned around and said, ' oh no not this one love, I don't like the music, will catch you on the next one!' :rofl: You'd be like that all night!!! :rofl:

[Lynn]

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'. I don't either. In fact the person could be meaning 'I don't like this track and will therefore have a not as enjoyable dance to it, and I would prefer to dance with you to a track I really enjoy than pretend.'

- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'! This could be rude, but equally rude is 'I'll come and find you later' and then not doing it. (Easily done too, if the venue is crowded and its near the end of the evening.)

Easiest is 'We'll dance the next track'

[Donna]

This could be rude, but equally rude is 'I'll come and find you later' and then not doing it. (Easily done too, if the venue is crowded and its near the end of the evening.)

Yes I'll hold my hand up to this one. Guilty. :rolleyes: But not because I didn't want to dance with someone because of the music. It's usually if i've reserved a dance with someone else, but if it is crowded, like you say, it's easily done. Alllthouuuugh it depends where they are on 'My favourite people' list!!! :rofl:

[Gus]

If someone I ask to dance says this to me, then I would accept it. I'm not going to have the best dance in the world (even if it's MY most favourite track ever) if the other person isn't into it.Top point. Was 'forced' to dance to a few really poor club tracks last night at Prestwich (twice grabbed by hand and dragged onto floor). I REALLY would have prefered to prop up the bar, but wasn't given the option to. Result, I smiled sweetly enough but just went through the motions. Just because someone else thinks its a great track doesn't mean that I have to like it ... and I should have the option not to dance.:(

[Donna]

Top point. Was 'forced' to dance to a few really poor club tracks last night at Prestwich (twice grabbed by hand and dragged onto floor). I REALLY would have prefered to prop up the bar, but wasn't given the option to. Result, I smiled sweetly enough but just went through the motions. Just because someone else thinks its a great track doesn't mean that I have to like it ... and I should have the option not to dance.:(

Now that's rude! Dragging someone on the floor! :angry: Did you know her? Actually ignore that question. I know you well, but I still wouldn't drag you on the dance floor! I'd ask.:nice:

[Lynn]

Result, I smiled sweetly enough but just went through the motions. Just because someone else thinks its a great track doesn't mean that I have to like it ... and I should have the option not to dance.:( And in taking that option you would have been saying...
'I don't like this track ... and I would prefer to dance with you to a track I really enjoy than pretend.' I probably wouldn't refuse the dance though, personally, but I would understand if someone did on those grounds.

I always find something to enjoy in almost every dance and if a guy has asked me up for a dance to a song I don't like that much but he likes it, I get pleasure from him having a good dance. If the next track is one I really like, I might suggest staying up.

[Gadget]

Someone has taken time out to ask me to dance. They want to dance and they want to place themselves in my hands. I don't care if it's a Bavarin folk tune, a headach pounding rave tune or the smoothest of blues tunes: I will do my best to give them a good dance.

:confused: I can't really see how the choice of track would alter that? {But then again, the concept of not dancing is a bit alien to me :wink:}

[Gus]

And in taking that option you would have been saying...
To be fair its rare I beg to escape a dance, even if I hate the track. If I do cry off a dance (beacuse its 'undanceable', which happens more than it should) I always make sure I make a suitable excuse and catch the lady for the next dance she's free.

[Donna]

[QUOTE=Gadget]Someone has taken time out to ask me to dance. They want to dance and they want to place themselves in my hands. I don't care if it's a Bavarin folk tune, a headach pounding rave tune or the smoothest of blues tunes: I will do my best to give them a good dance.

Well said Gadget.

[killingtime]

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'.

I use one track as a chance to go change T-shirts and cool down outside even if I'm not really warm. I will turn people down (normally people I know well enough that I think they'll understand) but if I'm pushed I'll dance anyway (and sometimes have a really good time). I don't see anything too bad in it; it helps if you plan on dancing the next track with the person.


- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'!

I not so sure. On a busy night it can be really difficult to get three inches across the dance floor without someone else asking you to dance. Sometimes it's easier if they are looking for you. It's better if you establish that you will attempt to find them as well so both of you can look out for each other.


obviously the person refusing had no thought that just maybe, the person asking just might liked the track, as indeed was the case.

I'm sure the other person might have loved the track; it doesn't change your opinion of it though.

If it was someone I didn't know I think I'd dance it; if it was someone I've danced with a few times (especially if I've danced with them already that evening) I'd be inclined to do whatever I felt like (normally take that track as a chance to change or something).

On the other hand ducasi (I think) said that it is better to dance to a track you don't like than to just sit out and listen to it and I agree with this.

[MartinHarper]

"I don't like this track, come and find me later when something better is on"

Not rude at all. I know one lady turned me down because she didn't like a track that was playing (too fast to be enjoyable), and asked me to ask her later, and I did, and we danced, and it was good. She genuinely doesn't like dancing to fast music, and I know that now, and now I avoid asking her when a fast track comes on. Why get upset because someone has different musical preferences to me?

I try to avoid saying "I'll come and find you later" myself. My memory and face recognition is fragile enough that there's a decent chance that by doing so I'll cause inadvertant offence, particularly at weekenders. I don't expect the better dancers to say "I'll come and find you later" to me either, simply because they tend to be popular, and if they promise a dance to every random intermediate who wants a piece then they'll spend the entire evening trying to fulfill promises, rather than having a good time.

[Trousers]

So what are we saying here. . . . . .

We know the old Ceroc rule 'No one turns down a dance'
'cept for us lot 'cos
- we know better
- rules are made for breaking
- we want to rebels
- grrrrrrrr
- i'm too good for you boyo!
- euurrrgghhhhh
- this track is rubbish
- i really wanted to dance with ya mate
- you ain't gonna keep up love
- no really! i wanted to dance with ya mate

(please delete as applicable) :devil:

shuffles quietly to corner waiting for fallout

[fletch]

Someone has taken time out to ask me to dance. They want to dance and they want to place themselves in my hands. I don't care if it's a Bavarin folk tune, a headach pounding rave tune or the smoothest of blues tunes: I will do my best to give them a good dance.



:yeah: :yeah: :yeah:

I never refuse someone I have never dance with before,:flower: and only refuse if someone keeps asking me and I am feeling a bit uncomfortable with them.:what:

I normally do the asking, and I know how it feels to be turned down.:sad:

That's the nice thing about M.J. girls get to ask and its ok.:clap:

[Chef]

Strangely enough something very like this happened to me at Bookham last saturday.

After dancing to three very fine, but fast, tracks in a row I sat down to wave my head in the blast of the fan that John Ford had provided in the room. I became aware of someone standing near me because of the sudden appearance of feet in my vision so I moved out of the way so that they could get some of the fans blast. This lady then asked me to dance. I replied "thanks but I am sweaty, need a change of shirt and I really don't want to dance to this track but I will come and find you as soon as I can". The lady then disappearred off to be replaced by another lady about 30 seconds later to whom I gave the same response but instead we both sat, chatted and cooled off. Unfortunately John then played a track that I really enjoyed but I was still in no fit state to dance so I went and washed my hands and arms and changed shirt.

I then went to find the lady that I had turned down first in the other dance room (did anyone mention that there are two rooms ar Bookham) but she had started dancing with someone else and then stayed with them for a second dance. On my next try I waited for her until the end of the track only to see her dissappear out the back of the room to the toilets and at that point I got asked to dance by someone else. I never did see her again that evening.

So what I see from this is,

When I say "thanks but I am sweaty, need a change of shirt and I really don't want to dance to this track but I will come and find you as soon as I can" then it is the complete truth.

After dancing three fast tracks in a row then I am not likely to want to dance to the fourth unless it is stonkingly amazingly good - and even then maybe.

Just because I come looking for you to make good on my promise doesn't mean I am going to find you or that you will be available.

Sometimes, just sometimes, John Ford plays a track that I don't want to dance to.

Lifes just too short to dance to music that you don't like unless you are being paid to do so.

[fletch]

I consider it rude but perhaps not on the grounds that you do.

- I don't see anything wrong with saying 'I don't want to dance to this track'.

- What is WRONG is 'come and find me later'!

If I turn somebody down for the reason of getting changed or whatever then I go and find the other person. :flower:
I was soooooooo glad you never turned me down, my dance with you are in the top 10% of my most memorable.:respect:

I don't believe I have ever danced with a more finer dancer:worthy:

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[Lynn]

Just because I come looking for you to make good on my promise doesn't mean I am going to find you or that you will be available. Which is why, as Killingtime suggested, a mutual 'find each other later' is better. It removes the responsibility from one person.

[Donna]

[QUOTE=fletch]I never refuse someone I have never dance with before,:flower: and only refuse if someone keeps asking me and I am feeling a bit uncomfortable with them.:what:

:yeah:




That's the nice thing about M.J. girls get to ask and its ok.:clap:


Yayeee!! :clap: I'm never afraid to ask!:what:

[fletch]

Strangely enough something very like this happened to me at Bookham last saturday.

After dancing to three very fine, but fast, tracks in a row I sat down to wave my head in the blast of the fan that John Ford had provided in the room. I became aware of someone standing near me because of the sudden appearance of feet in my vision so I moved out of the way so that they could get some of the fans blast. This lady then asked me to dance. I replied "thanks but I am sweaty, need a change of shirt and I really don't want to dance to this track but I will come and find you as soon as I can". The lady then disappearred off to be replaced by another lady about 30 seconds later to whom I gave the same response but instead we both sat, chatted and cooled off. Unfortunately John then played a track that I really enjoyed but I was still in no fit state to dance so I went and washed my hands and arms and changed shirt.

I then went to find the lady that I had turned down first in the other dance room (did anyone mention that there are two rooms ar Bookham) but she had started dancing with someone else and then stayed with them for a second dance. On my next try I waited for her until the end of the track only to see her dissappear out the back of the room to the toilets and at that point I got asked to dance by someone else. I never did see her again that evening.

So what I see from this is,

When I say "thanks but I am sweaty, need a change of shirt and I really don't want to dance to this track but I will come and find you as soon as I can" then it is the complete truth.

After dancing three fast tracks in a row then I am not likely to want to dance to the fourth unless it is stonkingly amazingly good - and even then maybe.

Just because I come looking for you to make good on my promise doesn't mean I am going to find you or that you will be available.

Sometimes, just sometimes, John Ford plays a track that I don't want to dance to.

Lifes just too short to dance to music that you don't like unless you are being paid to do so.
I distinctly remember asking you to dance for the first time last June at Southport,:flower: I had walked across the room as almost all the dancers had left the main room and gone to the blues room, you were hot and sweaty and needed to cool off,:what: perhaps i should have come back later, but as you know I don't give up that easily :innocent: and sat next to you chatting, letting you get your breath back :really: it was one of my better moves,:nice: I was rewarded with several dances,:clap: and a lesson from you and Dawn in the early hours:worthy:

[Alice]

Which is why, as Killingtime suggested, a mutual 'find each other later' is better. It removes the responsibility from one person.
This is what I tend to do- I tend to dance most of the night, and a lot of my regular partners do too- if I have to refuse for some reason (really don't like the track, watching some amazing dancers etc etc) I make my excuses honestly and make an effort to find them later on- sometimes the following week if it didn't happen that night. But I try to avoid saying "i'll dance the next track" or "I'll come and find you later" because I know that it might not happen- I'll get asked by someone else, or they will. If you both agree to keep an eye out for each other, it makes a later dance much more likely to happen:) And saves them feeling like I stood them up:innocent:

[Lou]

I'm really fussy about my music, and on those (all too often) nights when truly great tracks are in short supply, I might refuse a dance with a favourite partner on a not so great song, with the promise that I'll save him for when something better somes on. In the meantime, I'll happily dance to that track with anyone else who asks. Luckily, people understand my foibles! :-)

[killingtime]

So what are we saying here. . . . . .

We know the old Ceroc rule 'No one turns down a dance'
'cept for us lot 'cos

- grrrrrrrr


I like the grrrrrrr :D.

Anyway I don't think I have any reason to turn someone down for a dance. I really love the way Ceroc is done; it results in a really friendly atmosphere. However at the same time I don't think you should torture yourself at the event... it's about your fun too. Just try and be considerate to others and use some sense if you think it looks like the other person has been spending their whole night building up the confidence to ask you to dance.

[Chef]

Which is why, as Killingtime suggested, a mutual 'find each other later' is better. It removes the responsibility from one person.

I can see how that removes the responsibility from one person but I had turned her down so I felt it was my responsability to find her.

[JonD]

Not rude at all .....
I totally agree with you Martin. It's not rude to turn down a dance politely for a good reason and not liking the track is a good reason. I prefer slower tracks and like to take time during the faster ones to rest, change shirts, chat, find the person I want to dance with/have promised a dance. Mind you, I too try to avoid promising to find someone later for the reasons already explained. "Let's dance to something else later, if we get a chance" is much safer.


I really love the way Ceroc is done; it results in a really friendly atmosphere. However at the same time I don't think you should torture yourself at the event... it's about your fun too. Just try and be considerate to others and use some sense if you think it looks like the other person has been spending their whole night building up the confidence to ask you to dance.
:yeah: (and that is the first time I've ever used a smilie, anywhere, ever! This forum addiction is beginning to take over .....)

[ducasi]

On the other hand ducasi (I think) said that it is better to dance to a track you don't like than to just sit out and listen to it and I agree with this. That was me... Though there are some tracks that I just can't stand dancing or listening to. I try to be doing something else when these come on, like chatting with someone, or leaving the room – I did this last week at the GUU when a song that really gets on my nerves came on... I went and bought some Monster Munch. :)

When it is something that I'd really, really rather not dance to, I'll usually explain that I don't like the song, and offer the choice of dancing anyway, or waiting for the next one.

On the "come and find me" vs. "I'll come and find you" thing... I think it's up to both people to try to find each other, but I know that even with the best intentions, sometimes this doesn't happen.

[Swinging bee]

[QUOTE=Chef]Strangely enough something very like this happened to me at Bookham last saturday.

After dancing to three very fine, but fast, tracks in a row I sat down to wave my head in the blast of the fan that John Ford had provided in the room.




That fan is known as " Laurence's Fan," we have noticed just how attatched to it you are! Heaven forbid we ever forget to bring it!:eek:
Great night on Saturday, one of those rare times when you get in tune with just about everone who is there and instictively play what is "just right" for that particular occasion. many thanks to all who came to both Bookham and Rianos in Maidstone the week before, you are a terrific crowd, thanks for the support:yeah:
Look forward to many more:clap:

[jivecat]

I then went to find the lady that I had turned down first in the other dance room (did anyone mention that there are two rooms ar Bookham) but she had started dancing with someone else and then stayed with them for a second dance. On my next try I waited for her until the end of the track only to see her dissappear out the back of the room to the toilets and at that point I got asked to dance by someone else. I never did see her again that evening.


I'm sure she would have noticed that you made the effort, so that cancels out any potential rudeness in my view.

[TiggsTours]

:yeah: :yeah: :yeah:

I never refuse someone I have never dance with before,:flower: and only refuse if someone keeps asking me and I am feeling a bit uncomfortable with them.:what:
:yeah:
I would only use the "I don't like this track" with someone I know, and have danced with already that night, I'd also say to them "I'd rather dance with you to something I like", then I'd either chat to them, if they wanted to, till the next track came on, or I'd say I'll find them later.

If I don't find them, and they are someone I know and have danced with already, I'd expect them to understand if I don't manage to find them! As somebody else on here said, sometimes you have a night where you are grabbed by someone as sooon as you try to leave the floor, you can't spend every free track trying to fulfill your promises to people you've promised to get back to!

Also, you do also get those people who try to monopolise your time, or you feel uncomfortable with, maybe somebody who has taken your friendly smile and willingness to dance on a regular basis as a sign that you may be interested in something further :wink: when actually, you really wouldn't!

Say I'd already had 10 dances that night with this person who I don't mind dancing with, but who doesn't set my world on fire, I think it is perfectly acceptable to say "I'll come and find you later" i.e. I really don't want to dance with you again right now, and no, I don't want to stand here and have a conversation with you, when I'm trying my hardest not to give you any false signals, and I could potentially miss out on dancing with someone else, please give me some space right now, go and enjoy dancing with someone else, and I promise that I WILL come and ask you for another dance later!

[LMC]

:devil:

If it's a track you're not fond of, but you're happy to dance, why not dance it with someone you wouldn't want as a partner for your favourite track? - if you dance with them now, it reduces the likelihood that they will ask you later which means you get to choose when your favourite music comes on.

Of course, I never do this :whistle:

[Donna]

:devil:

If it's a track you're not fond of, but you're happy to dance, why not dance it with someone you wouldn't want as a partner for your favourite track? - if you dance with them now, it reduces the likelihood that they will ask you later which means you get to choose when your favourite music comes on.

Of course, I never do this :whistle:


Ha Ha! :rofl: That's brilliant!! Great idea! :rofl:

[drathzel]

To be fair its rare I beg to escape a dance, even if I hate the track. If I do cry off a dance (beacuse its 'undanceable', which happens more than it should) I always make sure I make a suitable excuse and catch the lady for the next dance she's free.
:yeah: i will dance almost andy dance unless i am really knackered or the song is undancable and i will find the person asap!

[Lory]

Someone I know was quite upset recently having been refused a dance on the grounds..... " I don't like this track, come and find me later when something better is on"

I would probably never say this to someone I didn't know, as they might take it the wrong way. :)

But I've said it to people who I consider friends cos hopefully they know me well enough to understand it's a genuine excuse :cheers:

I've had it said to me on occasion and NOT believed the person saying it :cool: (maybe wrongly, who knows?)

I've had it said to me, then seen the same person, get straight up and ask someone else... right in front of me! :mad:

I've also had it said to me where i've taken it as a compliment, as I know the person genuinely wants to give me the best dance possible :cheers: :clap: :hug:

I think it just depends on the circumstances ;)

[Frankie_4711]

:devil:

If it's a track you're not fond of, but you're happy to dance, why not dance it with someone you wouldn't want as a partner for your favourite track? - if you dance with them now, it reduces the likelihood that they will ask you later which means you get to choose when your favourite music comes on.

Of course, I never do this :whistle:

No, I never do this either!

I have never turned anyone down for a dance, ever (that I can remember of) for any reason, and the only reason I can see that I would in the future is my recently imposed '2-dances-in-a-row max' rule (which I've not yet had to use). I will happily dance with any old body to any old rubbish, continuously!

I have, however, been turned down on many occasions for many reasons - one guy I know doesn't like dancing to swing tracks, so I now don't ask him when one comes on, or sometimes it's just cooling off or whatever - and I don't get offended, I just move on to the next one. Admittedly, when I got turned down by the same guy twice in one night, and then again the next time I asked a few weeks later (albeit for very good reasons (excuses?)), I did wonder if it was me! I have danced with him since though, so maybe not - either that or he just said yes to try and get rid of me!! BUT that's the problem with a 'polite' refusal, the other party may keep coming back to see if you're 'ready' yet when really you just want to scream "get out of my face and leave me alone to dance with someone I actually WANT to dance with!!!" Been there many a time, but still haven't turned them down! Personally I would much rather someone told me if they didn't want to dance with ME as although I'm certainly not afraid to ask guys to dance, I do always wonder if they really want to or if I'm bugging them, especially the ones I seem to ask nearly every week (severe bloke shortages around here most of the time!). So equally it's great when someone actually says they like dancing with you, so then you know!

Anyway, completely off-topic now, sorry for rambling, but generally to answer the question in hand - I don't consider it rude when it's done to me, but I wouldn't do it myself!

EDIT: Completely forgot about the 'come back later' bit, what with all the incessant rambling! If I say anything to that effect it's usually just 'maybe later?' rather than committing either of us to anything, and I will try and find them, and would hope that they would at least try and find me, but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, and there's always next time - unless it's one of my fave partners, in which case I would be a bit upset if the dance didn't transpire at all!

Ooh, forgot also, it happened a couple of weeks ago, I asked one of my favourite dancers to dance, and we actually started to dance, but then he said 'do you mind if we don't dance to this, I really hate this track', so we left the floor, chatted during that track and had the next dance instead. Worked very well on that occasion, but wouldn't this to happen too often, as I'm not a 'sit out and chat' person - I'm there to dance and that's what I intend to do!!

[Lynn]

TT and Lory have both mentioned what I think is a key point here - it makes a difference if its someone you know.

If its someone I know well and would want to dance with to a more 'interesting' track and its a really poppy tune then I would say 'lets dance to another track later' and either go and dance with someone who likes faster pop stuff, or go and chat to someone. But only if its someone I know really well and we both know the style of music we enjoy dancing to together.

[Donna]

TT and Lory have both mentioned what I think is a key point here - it makes a difference if its someone you know.

If its someone I know well and would want to dance with to a more 'interesting' track and its a really poppy tune then I would say 'lets dance to another track later' and either go and dance with someone who likes faster pop stuff, or go and chat to someone. But only if its someone I know really well and we both know the style of music we enjoy dancing to together.

I agree. I'm the same. I'm afraid that I might have offended someone I don't know if I was to refuse a dance with them for some reason but if it's someone who knows me well then I'd feel ok doing it as I'd always find them during a good danceable track.

[TiggsTours]

:yeah: i will dance almost andy dance unless i am really knackered or the song is undancable and i will find the person asap!
Ah, but what you find "undancable" somebody else may love! Surely this is a case of a song you don't like, or at least, don't like to dance to, in which case, if you won't dance to an "undancable" track, and somebody asks you to dance, what do you do?

[drathzel]

Ah, but what you find "undancable" somebody else may love! Surely this is a case of a song you don't like, or at least, don't like to dance to, in which case, if you won't dance to an "undancable" track, and somebody asks you to dance, what do you do?

Knowing me, probably still dance!

[ToothFairy]

Situation: An advanced female dancer asks me to dance.(I consider myself an intermediate dancer). The track is extremely fast. I do not feel comfortable with that speed of dancing.(I did not want to embarrass myself or give her a poor dance.)

I declined the dance but told her that when a slower track is played I would love to dance with her. The rest of the evening I watched for an opportunity but this person being an excellent popular dancer was occupied the rest of the time.

I hope to see and get an opportunity to ask her at a future dance and hope she holds no grudges.

Please comment on my handling of the situation.

[Baruch]

Please comment on my handling of the situation.
It sounds to me like you were being reasonable. You declined the dance for a genuine reason and offered a dance later on. I see nothing wrong in that. The fact that you didn't end up getting that dance later on is just bad luck.

[David Bailey]

Please comment on my handling of the situation.
Very difficult to say - these things are so subjective.

As has been said on this thread, if you know someone well enough, they're less likely to be offended by your refusal. If they're a stranger, they're more likely to take offence.

[robd]

Please comment on my handling of the situation.

I don't see a problem with your handling of the situation. Personally speaking, I would have accepted the dance. If someone asks me to dance to a track that's faster than I like then usually I will accept but give them a warning that they are likely to get a pretty poor dance since fast music is neither my preferred style nor something I can dance well to. This scenario seems to happen a lot when Jon Brett is DJing at Hipsters for some reason :nice:

[Fiver]

I've not posted much, only really read stuff up 'tll now but at the recent dance weekend at Southport I talked to many women who were also upset by men turning them down for a dance on the flimsiest of reasons and they were rude and snooty so I just had to say something. They talked of giving up dancing 'cos it's making them depressed. After all, we only want three minutes of your time, guys, not your babies or your pension.:rolleyes:

[ToothFairy]

Thank you all for your comments. They were both comforting and constructive! :nice: