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WittyBird
19th-December-2005, 11:51 AM
I went to the Bromley Masked Ball on Saturday night.
What a great venue it is. Lovely floor, Bar etc I took one look and thought this is gonna be great.

How wrong can you be.:what:
1. It was overcrowded, worse than I have seen in a long time.
2. The People

AFAIC....

The majority were up their own Ar$es. I got refused 4 times.

Me. 'Would you like to dance?'
Him. 'No'

How rude, I couldn't believe it. I was surprised that all the lovely venues around and how welcoming other venues are that Bromley is so different. It was like a scene out of League of Gentleman ' It's a local venue for local people, nothing for you here'

Any one had similar situations?
*not a happy birdie :mad: *

CJ
19th-December-2005, 11:52 AM
Maybe you should have kept your mask on!!!:whistle:

TiggsTours
19th-December-2005, 11:52 AM
I went to the Bromley Masked Ball on Saturday night.
What a great venue it is. Lovely floor, Bar etc I took one look and thought this is gonna be great.

How wrong can you be.:what:
1. It was overcrowded, worse than I have seen in a long time.
2. The People

AFAIC....

The majority were up their own Ar$es. I got refused 4 times.

Me. 'Would you like to dance?'
Him. 'No'

How rude, I couldn't believe it. I was surprised that all the lovely venues around and how welcoming other venues are that Bromley is so different. It was like a scene out of League of Gentleman ' It's a local venue for local people, nothing for you here'

Any one had similar situations?
*not a happy birdie :mad: *
I've been to Bromley a couple of times, and agree with this completely! People only ask you to dance once they've seen you dance with someone else, and deem you a suitable partner.

But you are right about it being a lovely venue.

I find Fulham to be alot like this too.

WittyBird
19th-December-2005, 11:58 AM
I've been to Bromley a couple of times, and agree with this completely!

I wouldnt mind but the people I asked to dance that refused then danced with someone else almost straight away in front of me.:eek:

*evil little bird remembers who they are*

robd
19th-December-2005, 11:59 AM
Maybe you should have kept your mask on!!!:whistle:

:rofl:

WittyBird
19th-December-2005, 12:00 PM
Maybe you should have kept your mask on!!!:whistle:

Good point. Never thought of that:what: Will remember for next time.

stewart38
19th-December-2005, 12:10 PM
Maybe you should have kept your mask on!!!:whistle:

yep very helpful

Find some of the clubs on the out side of the 'main circuit' tend to be like this.

Maybe they see less 'outsiders' bit like pubs on the moors :sick:

Andy McGregor
19th-December-2005, 12:17 PM
I've not been to Bromley for years as the last time I went it was a smoking/smoky venue :sick:

But I do remember that it was a venue in two halves. The half near the stage was packed with people too good to dance with me, especially near the bar, and the half near the bar was very friendly.

philsmove
19th-December-2005, 12:18 PM
I have to admit at Balls, I am probably a bit choosier who I dance with

If I have promised a dance in advance I think it’s reasonable that person takes priority over people I don’t know

At a general dance I make a point of dancing with strangers

But balls can be special and an opportunity to dance with people you may not see for another year

WittyBird
19th-December-2005, 12:26 PM
But balls can be special and an opportunity to dance with people you may not see for another year

Thats fair enough, but to be blatantly rude about it I think is a disgrace and does it hurt to graciously accept 1 dance? :sad:

There are people I would prefer not to dance with but I have never refused them and always smile while I'm dancing with them :tears:

CeeCee
19th-December-2005, 12:40 PM
Originally posted by Wittybird
The majority were up their own Ar$es. I got refused 4 times.
This is one of the saddest posts I’ve read for ages, commiserations to you Wittybird.



Originally posted by Ceroc Jock
Maybe you should have kept your mask on!!!
Okay so this doesn’t appear to be particularly supportive when a Forumite is obviously upset but this comment made me think.

I’ve been to a few Bromley freestyles and have thoroughly enjoyed myself. I’m not a local, takes me about an hour to get there but found the people friendly and welcoming enough.

I wonder if the fact that it was a Masked Ball contributed to the problems. Wearing masks to a social dance event does immediately change the atmosphere.

Communication when making choices about who to ask and who to dance with depends largely on eye contact, smiling and facial expressions. Decisions are made within seconds. This decision making process is interfered with by the wearing of masks.

No excuse for the rudeness you encountered though, hope your night wasn’t totally wasted.

TiggsTours
19th-December-2005, 12:42 PM
This is one of the saddest posts I’ve read for ages, commiserations to you Wittybird.



Okay so this doesn’t appear to be particularly supportive when a Forumite is obviously upset but this comment made me think.

I’ve been to a few Bromley freestyles and have thoroughly enjoyed myself. I’m not a local, takes me about an hour to get there but found the people friendly and welcoming enough.

I wonder if the fact that it was a Masked Ball contributed to the problems. Wearing masks to a social dance event does immediately change the atmosphere.

Communication when making choices about who to ask and who to dance with depends largely on eye contact, smiling and facial expressions. Decisions are made within seconds. This decision making process is interfered with by the wearing of masks.

No excuse for the rudeness you encountered though, hope your night wasn’t totally wasted.
Don't think so, the times I've been there (2 weekly class nights & 2 Saturday dances, without masks) I found exactly the same thing.

I kept perservering as I was told it was such a great place, but I've persevered enough now.

WittyBird
19th-December-2005, 01:01 PM
Don't think so

It was a good point! But people I have spoken to since Saturday who I think are exceptional dancers have also said they have felt exactly the same.:really:

I saw Ibby and Jilly from Chilterns that night and they both felt the same:mad:

I think its sad that people behave like that.:(

BobbyA
19th-December-2005, 01:09 PM
I had a few rejections off some ladies when I was in the weston ball.. Luckly I was in quite good mood so i just moved on to the next, and quite a few people were asking me too dance too..

I never really reject a dance.. Unless a) I'm dying to use the Loo or b) i really need a drink/wipe off some sweet.. In which case i say i'll dance in 2 mins.. :P

There are bound to be some people you may find it harder to dance with than others, but I enjoy dancing with new people too.

:P

Lou
19th-December-2005, 01:58 PM
I had a few rejections off some ladies when I was in the weston ball.. Luckly I was in quite good mood so i just moved on to the next, and quite a few people were asking me too dance too..

Well - that's their loss. :na: Shame I wasn't at Weston as I would've loved to benefit from their rejections! :whistle:

Tazmanian Devil
19th-December-2005, 07:44 PM
I went to the Bromley Masked Ball on Saturday night.
What a great venue it is. Lovely floor, Bar etc I took one look and thought this is gonna be great.

How wrong can you be.:what:
1. It was overcrowded, worse than I have seen in a long time.
2. The People

AFAIC....

The majority were up their own Ar$es. I got refused 4 times.

Me. 'Would you like to dance?'
Him. 'No'

How rude, I couldn't believe it. I was surprised that all the lovely venues around and how welcoming other venues are that Bromley is so different. It was like a scene out of League of Gentleman ' It's a local venue for local people, nothing for you here'
*not a happy birdie :mad: *
Unfortunately Bromley has always been like that and even the local people get treated the same way:angry: . I used to go bromley weekly when I first started dancing and stopped going because of this attitude. But recently I have been once or twice and deliberately had a fantasic dance in frount of those who used to refuse me :devil:

I wouldnt mind but the people I asked to dance that refused then danced with someone else almost straight away in front of me.Unfortunately one of those people was me not straight away mind :blush: But as you know it was my worse dance of the evening and the guy was so far up his ar$e he even tried telling me how to do a sling shot and that he was going to sit me on his lap:eek: Just bluddy do it then :( I did tell him I didn't appriciate him telling me how to do moves when He said I looked like I was concentrating too much or was bored, to which he replied It's easier that way:rolleyes: Is it not a lead/Follow dance anymore then?


I've not been to Bromley for years as the last time I went it was a smoking/smoky venue .
Isn't this meant for another thread Mr McGregor :na:

Andy McGregor
19th-December-2005, 11:50 PM
Isn't this meant for another thread Mr McGregor :na:I'm raking up as much dirt as possible about Bromley :devil:

Of course the reason you get turned down at Bromley is because you're not a member of an evil coven of nicotine addicted dance snobs*:whistle:

*not that I'm saying those turning you down are members of any kind of coven ... :innocent:

Icey
20th-December-2005, 12:59 AM
Of course the reason you get turned down at Bromley is because you're not a member of an evil coven of nicotine addicted dance snobs*:whistle:

But, WB is a memer of the evil coven of nicotine addicted dancers. I don't think she's a snob though.

WB, did you arrive on your broomstick and park it in full view?

Tazmanian Devil
20th-December-2005, 01:48 AM
Of course the reason you get turned down at Bromley is because you're not a member of an evil coven of nicotine addicted dance snobs*:whistle:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: The problem being you still get turned down if you are as you put it a member of the evil coven of nicotine addicts, maybe If all us smokers turned into snobs we would be alright to dance with :flower:

TheTramp
20th-December-2005, 01:55 AM
Have to say that I've always had good evenings at Bromley. Used to go quite a lot when I lived in Tooting. Can't remember having a bad evening there.....

Tazmanian Devil
20th-December-2005, 01:59 AM
Have to say that I've always had good evenings at Bromley. Used to go quite a lot when I lived in Tooting. Can't remember having a bad evening there.....
Thats probly because the ladies never refuse a dance as we know that it's rude.:flower: We dance with all dancers good or bad, smile all the way through and say thank you after :kiss: :hug:

TheTramp
20th-December-2005, 02:01 AM
Thats probly because the ladies never refuse a dance as we know that it's rude.:flower: We dance with all dancers good or bad, smile all the way through and say thank you after :kiss: :hug:
Now, that's not true. Got turned down tonight, then watched the person who turned me down go straight onto the floor with someone else. (And on my birthday too!).

Been turned down plenty of other times too. Just don't like to make a fuss. There's always someone who'll dance with me. Usually....

Tazmanian Devil
20th-December-2005, 02:06 AM
Now, that's not true. Got turned down tonight, then watched the person who turned me down go straight onto the floor with someone else. (And on my birthday too!).

Been turned down plenty of other times too. Just don't like to make a fuss. There's always someone who'll dance with me. Usually....
Was you wearing a skirt?:D

Andy McGregor
20th-December-2005, 08:51 AM
Now, that's not true. Got turned down tonight, then watched the person who turned me down go straight onto the floor with someone else. (And on my birthday too!).

Been turned down plenty of other times too. Just don't like to make a fuss. There's always someone who'll dance with me. Usually....Hey, I got turned down once in St Neots last Friday - it happens and we get over it. I just can't understand it :confused: Do you think that, just maybe, possibly, there is a chance that she didn't fancy me and all the others did? :waycool:

under par
20th-December-2005, 09:05 AM
Hey, I got turned down once in St Neots last Friday - it happens and we get over it. I just can't understand it :confused: Do you think that, just maybe, possibly, there is a chance that she didn't fancy me and all the others did? :waycool:

Hey! What you doing Andy travelling all that way from Sussex when there was a local event you could have gone to! tsh! tsh!:whistle:

hope you had a good evening, apart from your refusal eh!:hug:

PS where exactly is St Neots?

David Bailey
20th-December-2005, 11:17 AM
I can't believe we've got to 30+ posts and no-one's mentioned "clicky", standards are clearly slipping :devil:

Is this a urban / rural divide thing? As Stewart38 said (American Werewolf In London ref, :worthy:), are people out in the sticks less likely to mingle with strangers?

WittyBird
20th-December-2005, 11:33 AM
I can't believe we've got to 30+ posts and no-one's mentioned "clicky", standards are clearly slipping :devil:


Normally I would of done the 'Clicky' bit but I was trying to have a serious thread.

*hangover from hell*

WittyBird
20th-December-2005, 12:03 PM
WB, did you arrive on your broomstick and park it in full view?

Yes maybe that is the problem.
I do think females are more gracious than men tho.
*you have to excuse me im poorly today*

TheTramp
20th-December-2005, 01:03 PM
Hey! What you doing Andy travelling all that way from Sussex when there was a local event you could have gone to! tsh! tsh!:whistle:

PS where exactly is St Neots?
Seeing me. What better reason is there??

It's about 60 miles north of London. On the A1.

Russell Saxby
20th-December-2005, 01:06 PM
Thats probly because the ladies never refuse a dance as we know that it's rude.:flower: We dance with all dancers good or bad, smile all the way through and say thank you after :kiss: :hug:

erm... I got turned down by a "lady" at Hammersmith the other week... she said no mumbling something.. no idea wot mind.... she then said ok a moment later, but I got the impression it was a chore for her... so I said not to worry :devil:

Her loss methinks - shame she looked quite hot :drool:

WittyBird
20th-December-2005, 01:12 PM
Her loss methinks

Absolutely :D

Lee
20th-December-2005, 01:59 PM
How could anyone turn down, Wittybird?

Don't worry, he was probably deaf, dumb and blind (no offense to anyone with those disabilities, it was just an off the cuff remark, please don't slate me on this) and probably wasn't worth dancing with anyway.

Lee

WittyBird
20th-December-2005, 02:08 PM
How could anyone turn down, Wittybird?

:blush: What a lovely thing to say - thank you
*still feel like poo*

Missy D
20th-December-2005, 05:51 PM
I've been to Bromley a couple of times, and agree with this completely! People only ask you to dance once they've seen you dance with someone else, and deem you a suitable partner.

But you are right about it being a lovely venue.

I find Fulham to be alot like this too.

:yeah: I am with you here Tiggs! Bromley and Fulham are the 2 places i feel most unwelcome. Fulham being the worse of the 2.

I get refused at least once even at my regular venues:angry: Maybe i should ask why! Right thats exactly what i shall do the next time a man refuses to dance with me:nice:

TiggsTours
20th-December-2005, 06:08 PM
:yeah: I am with you here Tiggs! Bromley and Fulham are the 2 places i feel most unwelcome. Fulham being the worse of the 2.

I get refused at least once even at my regular venues:angry: Maybe i should ask why! Right thats exactly what i shall do the next time a man refuses to dance with me:nice:
Good plan! So will I! In fact, I think we all should! Lets stamp out this so called "no-row" cliquiness once and for all, between all we forumites, we should be able to do it!

Cruella
20th-December-2005, 07:33 PM
Good plan! So will I! In fact, I think we all should! Lets stamp out this so called "no-row" cliquiness once and for all, between all we forumites, we should be able to do it!
OK we'll have a 'why-row'!

ElaineB
20th-December-2005, 07:39 PM
I had a few rejections off some ladies when I was in the weston ball.. Luckly I was in quite good mood so i just moved on to the next, and quite a few people were asking me too dance too..

I never really reject a dance.. Unless a) I'm dying to use the Loo or b) i really need a drink/wipe off some sweet.. In which case i say i'll dance in 2 mins.. :P

There are bound to be some people you may find it harder to dance with than others, but I enjoy dancing with new people too.

:P

What excuses did they give Bobby?? I wonder if it was to do with wearing full length dresses and basically not being able to dance properly? I was in a tent earlier myself until I decided to stay in my Showcase number.

So, do the Ladies in Bristol/Cardiff refuse more than other places Bobby? The only times that I have been turned down have been in Hipsters, London. Having said that I did have a chap apologise to me in Bristol a few months ago, as he 'just couldn't dance like that' with me - I am not sure whether to be amused or ashamed!

Elaine

WittyBird
20th-December-2005, 08:31 PM
Good plan! So will I! In fact, I think we all should! Lets stamp out this so called "no-row" cliquiness once and for all, between all we forumites, we should be able to do it!

:yeah: Brilliant I'm up for that :worthy:

LMC
21st-December-2005, 10:31 AM
Actually, I'm not up for this. Just over a week ago I would have been, and in the past, I've always given a reason for saying no to someone.

But having been recently injured by an inconsiderate dancer, my policy on saying "No" has been considerably revised recently. If I don't want to dance with someone, I won't. And if I don't want to justify myself, I won't either - because I tell people at the time if they are hurting me or are smelly. I can see it now...:


Him (e.g. known yanker): Would you like to dance
Me: No thank you (nice smile, attempt to 'move on')
Him: Why not?
Me: Because you really hurt me the last time we danced
Him: What do you mean?
Me: I told you at the time that you had hurt me
Him: Well, you should have... / Oh, sorry, I won't do it this time, please dance with me / (other remark here)
I can't speculate further on this, but you get the point - why get into justifications - wasting time when we could both be dancing with other people.

doc martin
21st-December-2005, 11:02 AM
...why get into justifications - wasting time when we could both be dancing with other people.
He hurt you, almost certainly not on purpose. I think everyone on here knows how that feels, and many would agree that you are right in turning him down the next time he asks.

Aside from the practical issues of what you do when he then asks for a reason, a flat no comes across as rude and could be quite hurtful. I know he hurt you and your reason for not saying why you are refusing may partly be to avoid conflict, but you should have the courage of your convictions and reiterate your reasons for not dancing with him.

It makes it clear that it is his fault you won't dance with him. Plus you get to feel good because you stood up for yourself and didn't appear petty about refusing a dance. And finally, you are doing a service to other followers.

Telling him at the time of the dance probably did little to change his habit; he finishes the dance and moves on to his next victim. Saying no and stating why the next time he asks you may give him pause for thought. And you never know, the thought could lead to action.

On re-reading this post, it sounds a bit preachy. It's not meant to so please don't take it that way :flower:

LMC
21st-December-2005, 11:21 AM
It wouldn't be a flat no. It would be a "No thank you". Part of my new-found assertiveness is, ironically, being more polite to people.

But getting into a discussion probably wouldn't solve anything. If it's an experienced dancer (and in this case it was), then he's probably been told a number of times. In another incident, a while ago now, a long-term intermediate deathgripper walked off the floor on me once after I told him the fourth time during a dance that he was hurting me - he claimed "no-one else has ever complained". He is dangerous - so I spoke to the teacher, who confirmed that I was not the first person to complain and that she had spoken to him on a number of occasions. A few weeks later, a friend of mine had exactly the same thing happen to her - he told her "no-one else has ever complained" as well.

No-one injures anyone "on purpose", but the guy who hurt my back was obviously uninterested/uncaring when I told him at the time. So why should I waste my time if it isn't going to change anything?

Getting into never-ending discussions which don't lead to any solutions is great fun on the forum - but I have no tolerance for them on the dance floor.

doc martin
21st-December-2005, 11:38 AM
It wouldn't be a flat no. It would be a "No thank you". Part of my new-found assertiveness is, ironically, being more polite to people.
I like that idea. Having the confidence to be polite.

But getting into a discussion probably wouldn't solve anything.
*snip bit about nasty people*
You're probably right about discussion not getting you anywhere, especially given the examples you used. I wasn't thinking about a lengthy conversation, more just stating your reason. After all, you have to do something after you say no. If you just stand there he is going to ask why. What do you do? Do you walk off? I'm asking because I have no experience of this and can't see how you get out of this quickly and painlessly.

If you can get out of it after just saying no, is it any more difficult to say no, give a reason and then use the same exit strategy?

No-one injures anyone "on purpose", but the guy who hurt my back was obviously uninterested/uncaring when I told him at the time. So why should I waste my time if it isn't going to change anything?
Yeah, I hear what you are saying. It's sad some people are so insensitive. [Off topic]Until there are equal numbers of men and women, a proportion of men can get away with being dangerous. How high a proportion? Clearly way too high from many of the comments here.[/Off topic]


Getting into never-ending discussions which don't lead to any solutions is great fun on the forum - but I have no tolerance for them on the dance floor.
:rofl: I thought never ending discussions were the whole point of the forum.

LMC
21st-December-2005, 11:53 AM
I wasn't thinking about a lengthy conversation, more just stating your reason. After all, you have to do something after you say no. If you just stand there he is going to ask why. What do you do? Do you walk off?
Yep :D (although I didn't put it in quite those words :blush: )

Me: No thank you (nice smile, attempt to 'move on')

If I refuse someone in this manner and they get all cross, what are they going to do? Never ask me again? - Problem solved!!! OK, they may tell all their friends how awful I am, but if I get 'called' by someone else then I'd be quite happy to briefly explain that I had suffered an injury the last time we danced (note wording - I wouldn't say "he injured me"), possibly add something tactful like "perhaps because our styles don't suit each other" and leave it at that.

Petal
21st-December-2005, 06:51 PM
Thats fair enough, but to be blatantly rude about it I think is a disgrace and does it hurt to graciously accept 1 dance? :sad:

There are people I would prefer not to dance with but I have never refused them and always smile while I'm dancing with them :tears:

I know how you feel. This happened to me at an Aberdeen weekend, last year, and i thought him very rude. When i posted it on the forum, (naming no names) he obviously recognised himself, pm'd me to apologise. But i wouldn't seek him out again, there are far too many brilliant polite guys to dance with, so as i was told, put it down to experience, it was his loss.:clap: :clap:

WittyBird
22nd-December-2005, 01:24 AM
I have now decided what I am gonna do.........
Call me pathetic call me petty I dont care but one guy in particular P1$$ed me off.

Option 1. I will dance wonderfully in front of him and then when he asks me to dance accept with big smile on my face and then be really good.

Option 2. I will dance wonderfully in front of him and with him for the first time and then when he asks me again turn around and say 'NO' then dance with someone really ***** and look like im enjoying it.

Since writing this I have since decided that I will not stoop to his level and will probably accept graciously with a Tw4tty smile saying ' absolutely love to' whilst thinking 'I want to stab you, you tn*u'

Well we can't always be perfect can we :clap:

doc martin
22nd-December-2005, 10:09 AM
I have now decided what I am gonna do.........
Call me pathetic call me petty I dont care but one guy in particular P1$$ed me off.
Why not try this:

Option 3: If he asks you to dance then accept, but before going out onto the floor tell him that last time you danced he did X which really annoyed you, and if he does the same again, this will definitely be his last dance with you.

That way you have showed you are big enough to give him another chance and given a clear opening to tell him during the dance if he does something that p155e5 you off again.

He may not be prepared to dance with you under the conditions you place, but then that is his loss and he looks (and probably is in that case) petty.

LMC
22nd-December-2005, 10:13 AM
If someone turns me down, I never ask them again, unless they are just postponing and *do* come back for a dance later. But if they ask me, then the slate's cleared - I can't afford to be too fussy :blush:

If he really did look at you like you'd crawled off his shoe, and you don't mind p*ssing him off, then might be fun to start the dance, then remark "Out of curiosity, why did you ask me, when you turned me down last time? :innocent:"

WittyBird
22nd-December-2005, 10:14 AM
If he really did look at you like you'd crawled off his shoe, and you don't mind p*ssing him off, then might be fun to start the dance, then remark "Out of curiosity, why did you ask me, when you turned me down last time? :innocent:"

I was thinking along the lines of ' I can't finish dancing with you, its awful' and walking off :what: but I'm in a really evil mood today.

ChrisA
22nd-December-2005, 10:30 AM
I've been following this thread with some interest, and I'm troubled by the amount of venom that seems to be coming across.

Call me pathetic call me petty I dont care but one guy in particular P1$$ed me off.

What, exactly, did this guy do that p1$$ed you off so much?



Since writing this I have since decided that I will not stoop to his level and will probably accept graciously with a Tw4tty smile saying ' absolutely love to' whilst thinking 'I want to stab you, you tn*u'



There are people I would prefer not to dance with but I have never refused them and always smile while I'm dancing with them :tears:

I think if I had good evidence that someone was going to be faking it with me this much on the dancefloor, I would be quite disinclined to ask them to dance. I want to dance with someone whose smile is genuine, and who genuinely wants to dance with me. Not someone who's going through the motions and giving me a plastic smile.


I've been to Bromley a couple of times, and agree with this completely! People only ask you to dance once they've seen you dance with someone else, and deem you a suitable partner.

I've heard it expressed this way a few times here on the forum, and it sounds very negative. I've never experienced it in this negative sense at all, so I don't really understand how it's possible to know what people are thinking.

But I often ask someone to dance on the basis that I've seen them dancing, and liked what I see. What's so very wrong with that?

ducasi
22nd-December-2005, 10:33 AM
...

Option 1. I will dance wonderfully in front of him ...

Option 2. I will dance wonderfully in front of him ...

... I was wondering how you're going to make him stand watching you dance when he's not interested in dancing with you?

Nail his feet to the floor? :really:

Nail some other part of his anatomy to a chair? :eek:

Andy McGregor
22nd-December-2005, 10:33 AM
But I often ask someone to dance on the basis that I've seen them dancing, and liked what I see. What's so very wrong with that?Spawn of Santan :devil:

Cruella
22nd-December-2005, 10:46 AM
If someone turns me down, I never ask them again, unless they are just postponing and *do* come back for a dance later. But if they ask me, then the slate's cleared - I can't afford to be too fussy :blush:
I'm a bit more generous than you, if turned down twice in one night by the same guy then i won't ask again until he's asked me. But if it's over a longer length of time then i give them 3 chances.

I want to dance with someone whose smile is genuine, and who genuinely wants to dance with me. Not someone who's going through the motions and giving me a plastic smile.

I too agree with this sentiment, if someone doesn't want to dance with me i'd rather they were honest and told me. I don't want to waste a good track with someone who's not going to connect with me at all.

LMC
22nd-December-2005, 10:51 AM
I'm a bit more generous than you, if turned down twice in one night by the same guy then i won't ask again until he's asked me. But if it's over a longer length of time then i give them 3 chances.
It's not so much lack of generosity as lack of faith in my own abilities - when (if ever) I know I am a dancer who everyone should want to dance with - as you are :flower: - then I'll have a bit more confidence in asking someone who's refused me before.

David Bailey
22nd-December-2005, 10:55 AM
But I often ask someone to dance on the basis that I've seen them dancing, and liked what I see. What's so very wrong with that?
Don't think there's anything wrong with that, but then maybe I'm a fellow spawn of Santa.

I think it's wrong to refuse a dance until you've seen the person dancing (ala audition-row phenomenon reputedly at Hammersmith), but there's certainly nothing wrong in choosing who to dance with based on seeing them dance - or if there is, I've been committing that sin for many years now.

But I could be wrong - and I'm still trying to work out what a tn*u is. :confused:

FWIW, I've seen for myself that WittyBird is very gracious and smiley when accepting a dance. Unlike me, of course, I usually just look slightly less grumpy.

Oh, and the only other thing: it's only 3 minutes of your life; if it won't hurt you, where's the harm?

Chicky
22nd-December-2005, 11:00 AM
Just read this thread and as an organiser one of the things we actively promote is the non-cliquey factor.

In fact, we have people who have been to other venues in our area and once they come to us, they never go back to the other ones! :nice: They tell us "we're the friendliest venues in Kent" which is a nice thing to hear especially as we work hard at making sure everyone feels the same.

Gnome Luster
22nd-December-2005, 11:04 AM
What, exactly, did this guy do that p1$$ed you off so much?

I'm my case this particular gentleman came up to me at the bar and said that he'd been watching me dance and really wanted to dance with me. As you can imagine I was feeling rather pleased at that point. When it came to dancing he stoppped me after two beats of the song, held me in a ballroom pose death grip and made me walk through the rest of the song while telling me how bad I was at dancing and how if I didn't change no one would ever want to dance with me. He wasn't being helpful or constructive, just plain nasty.

So I think I can safely say no to this particular man don't you?


But I often ask someone to dance on the basis that I've seen them dancing, and liked what I see. What's so very wrong with that?

I don't see anything wrong with that. I have a certain "bouncy" style and partners either love to dance with me or hate it. I'd rather they look and like what they see so they enjoy dancing with me as I'd enjoy it far more.

David Franklin
22nd-December-2005, 11:04 AM
I'm still trying to work out what a tn*u is. :confused:A slightly strange abbreviation for Tnuctipun (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tnuctip) is the best I can come up with...

Cruella
22nd-December-2005, 11:09 AM
It's not so much lack of generosity as lack of faith in my own abilities - when (if ever) I know I am a dancer who everyone should want to dance with - as you are :flower: - then I'll have a bit more confidence in asking someone who's refused me before.
Don't be under any misconceptions, most of the time i do the asking. I get quite paranoid about not getting asked to dance very much. Which is why i would prefer someone to tell me truthfully why they don't want to dance with me.
When i hear guys giving this excuse to me (no offence Rob)

More seriously, I still don't feel confident asking you and a few others because I feel that I can't offer anything near to the standard that I see other leaders can reach with you. Therefore dancing with less experienced dancers sometimes means I can be confident of giving a more proportionately satisfying dance as it were even if the moves and the way I lead them is identical.
I get quite annoyed. I love dancing and just want to dance. So if i tell you i enjoy dancing with you believe it. I'm not one for being tactfull so if i didn't enjoy our dances, you would know. :flower:

David Bailey
22nd-December-2005, 11:32 AM
A slightly strange abbreviation for Tnuctipun (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tnuctip) is the best I can come up with...
Could be - "You rebellious and extinct hi-tech slave being, you" is definitely a vile insult...

David Franklin
22nd-December-2005, 11:33 AM
Could be - "You rebellious and extinct hi-tech slave being, you" is definitely a vile insult...And what you get if you reverse the first 4 letters of the name is allegedly no accident... (Bad Larry, no biscuit!)

ChrisA
22nd-December-2005, 12:18 PM
Spawn of Santan
Just slightly confused, here...

Is that:

Santa, or Suntan? :whistle:

ChrisA
22nd-December-2005, 12:21 PM
maybe I'm a fellow spawn of Santa.

Damn. Thought I was the first to notice that... :tears:

David Franklin
22nd-December-2005, 12:25 PM
Just slightly confused, here...

Is that:

Santa, or Suntan? :whistle:I think you'll find it's Santana - Andy just ran out of big red letters before he could finish...

ChrisA
22nd-December-2005, 12:34 PM
When it came to dancing he stoppped me after two beats of the song, held me in a ballroom pose death grip and made me walk through the rest of the song while telling me how bad I was at dancing and how if I didn't change no one would ever want to dance with me. He wasn't being helpful or constructive, just plain nasty.

So I think I can safely say no to this particular man don't you?

Very much so.

But it sounds a bit like someone well known on the circuit for having another type of reputation as well... S-------n, anyone?

Seriously, yes, of course you should turn down people as nasty as this.

This thread was more about the way nastiness apparently manifests itself when someone turns someone else down for a dance.

I'm yet to be convinced that the attitude of the turner-down is being adequately distinguished from the inevitable, and very understandable sting of rejection, in the mind of the turnee-down.

El Salsero Gringo
22nd-December-2005, 12:43 PM
I'm yet to be convinced that the attitude of the turner-down is being adequately distinguished from the inevitable, and very understandable sting of rejection, in the mind of the turnee-down.Do you mean you think this thread is full of mardy-arsed whinge-buckets?

DavidB
22nd-December-2005, 12:58 PM
[RE: ChrisA] Spawn of Santan


But it sounds a bit like someone well known on the circuit for having another type of reputation as well... S-------n, anyone?Are you casting aspersions on your father

David Bailey
22nd-December-2005, 01:55 PM
Damn. Thought I was the first to notice that... :tears:
Hey, you're just an amateur in the picky stakes.

Actually, I assumed it was a clever pun on Santa, possibly I assumed too much.

And now I've got to worry what "mardy" means, I'm already stumped by bloody tn*u.... :tears:

Lee
22nd-December-2005, 02:07 PM
I'm a bit more generous than you, if turned down twice in one night by the same guy then i won't ask again until he's asked me. But if it's over a longer length of time then i give them 3 chances.

I too agree with this sentiment, if someone doesn't want to dance with me i'd rather they were honest and told me. I don't want to waste a good track with someone who's not going to connect with me at all.


Glad to see knowone thinks badly of the people at Wessex House (Clapham Junction), even the DJ said last night that this is the best bunch of people in the whole of London (but probably like Bruce Forsyth, he says that to every venue) :rolleyes:

I think people take a turn down too much to heart, I actually like to take a break every third song to cool down, get a drink, and watch the dancing, even if i was asked by a good friend/dancer or my most favourite song came on i would still take my break.

Lee

Tazmanian Devil
23rd-December-2005, 02:05 PM
Good plan! So will I! In fact, I think we all should! Lets stamp out this so called "no-row" cliquiness once and for all, between all we forumites, we should be able to do it!
Count me in :clap: :kiss: :hug:

Tazmanian Devil
23rd-December-2005, 02:12 PM
[QUOTE=wittybird]Since writing this I have since decided that I will not stoop to his level and will probably accept graciously with a Tw4tty smile saying ' absolutely love to' whilst thinking 'I want to stab you, you tn*u'[QUOTE]
:rofl: :rofl: :yeah:

WittyBird
23rd-December-2005, 02:19 PM
I'm already stumped by bloody tn*u.... :tears:

Somethings are lost on some people.:rolleyes:

No But I was in a seriously awful mood when I wrote that and didn't actually mean it but felt better once it was written.:what:

under par
25th-December-2005, 03:24 PM
Somethings are lost on some people.:rolleyes:

No But I was in a seriously awful mood when I wrote that and didn't actually mean it but felt better once it was written.:what:



pssssst !!!you can actually take the mask off in the ugly cupboard....:wink:

WittyBird
25th-December-2005, 05:06 PM
pssssst !!!you can actually take the mask off in the ugly cupboard....:wink:

Good point as usual :rofl:

Trinity
25th-December-2005, 08:12 PM
pssssst !!!you can actually take the mask off in the ugly cupboard....:wink:

I don't actually know why she is in there to start with :rolleyes:

bigdjiver
26th-December-2005, 08:08 PM
I went to the Bromley Masked Ball on Saturday night.
What a great venue it is. Lovely floor, Bar etc I took one look and thought this is gonna be great...I used to go to Bromley classes in the great hall. I assume this was the venue. On my last visit before moving to Bedford I was upset because they put an "Out of order" notice on the free drinking fountain to the right of the bar. I established that it was in fact working perfectly. I wrote a stiff email to the commitee, threatening to also send it to the local newspaper. It was on the lines : sports hall ... healthy drink vs squash or alcohol ... free water available to anybody using the publically accessible loos etc.

I got a reply saying that they were going to reverse that decision. I never found out if they did. Is the fountain still there? What is the water policy now?

Tazmanian Devil
26th-December-2005, 09:56 PM
the great hall. I assume this was the venue.
Yes Thats the one.

I got a reply saying that they were going to reverse that decision. I never found out if they did. Is the fountain still there? What is the water policy now?
Fountin:confused: I used to dance down there regular about 2 years ago and recently have been to a couple of party nights have never seen no fountin
:kiss: :hug:

Rentaghost
26th-December-2005, 10:24 PM
Yes Thats the one.

Fountin:confused: I used to dance down there regular about 2 years ago and recently have been to a couple of party nights have never seen no fountin
:kiss: :hug:

The fountain is at the back of the venue, to the right of the bar. It is usually difficult to reach as they place the screens with plastic/fake plants in front of it. I'm not sure whether it works though.:confused:

bigdjiver
26th-December-2005, 10:34 PM
...Fountin:confused: I used to dance down there regular about 2 years ago and recently have been to a couple of party nights have never seen no fountin
:kiss: :hug:When I attended, years ago, the bar was opposite the stage. There was a space to the right of the bar of about 4 metres. The wall mounted drinking fountain was in the middle of that space. I sort of expected that its days were numbered.

The tables and chairs were arranged in two groups on either side of the bar, at that end. There were seats along the wall at the stage end. This layout effectively created 4 zones. This zoning tends to create an appearance of cliques, and to encourage their existance. If a guy is in a zone and he leaves undanced females in it to seek a partner elsewhere the undanced females he is walking away from will feel rejected. So the tendency is for him to select from that group first. It looks like a clique. These perceived cliques can easily grow into real ones.

One unfortunate effect of group dynamics is that the beginners will tend to join the group that they know best, which is often other beginners. This group of beginners can easily feel even more as outsiders during the early part of the evening, whilst everybody else is dancing with their neighbours in other sections, and this may contribute to them leaving too early.

As I have suggested before, it might be an idea to shuffle the tables around every once in a while, or even close sections to encourage mixing.

TheTramp
26th-December-2005, 10:38 PM
Or just wander around everywhere as I used to when I went to Bromley....

What's a clique anyhow? :flower:

Tazmanian Devil
26th-December-2005, 10:56 PM
The fountain is at the back of the venue, to the right of the bar. It is usually difficult to reach as they place the screens with plastic/fake plants in front of it. I'm not sure whether it works though.:confused:
Well blow me, I have never seen it. I am there for new year, Please don't come down on me too hard, There was a decision to make :blush: and I got talked into it :innocent:
But i am going to make it my personal misssion to find out if it works and exactly how hidden it is. Will report back when I get home. :kiss: :hug:

Andy McGregor
27th-December-2005, 01:57 AM
What's a clique anyhow? :flower:The fact that you and I find them so hard to detect might explain our high refusal rate - after all, it can't be our looks:innocent:

TheTramp
27th-December-2005, 03:09 AM
The fact that you and I find them so hard to detect might explain our high refusal rate - after all, it can't be our looks:innocent:

Thankfully, for my self-confidence, I don't have that high a refusal rate :flower:

However, I don't think I've ever been to a venue that isn't "cliquey". But that would depend on your interpretation of the word. In every venue I've ever been to, there have been groups of people that like to sit together, and dance with each other. It's a pretty natural thing really. Being with your friends for a night out. Under that interpretation, I don't think I've ever been anywhere that wasn't cliquey.

From a male point of view (and I accept that it might well be different from a female perspective - especially if there are more females than males at any given venue), there haven't really been any venues where I've suffered a high turn-down rate. Though, I don't usually tend to notice, or pay much attention to cliques. I just ask whoever I want to dance with, to dance. And usually they'll dance with me. Even if I am bald, fat and ugly.

Maybe I've just been lucky that I haven't ever gone anywhere where it's too cliquey, and people do make a habit of turning down people they don't know. And of course, while I've been lucky enough that it doesn't happen often, I have been turned down in the past. I usually don't bother asking that person again that night. And, if I remember them, and they turn me down again, I don't ever bother asking that person to dance again. There's plenty of other people that will dance with me. Thus far :hug:

Of course, being on the forum helps generally too. It's certainly a way of breaking the ice for any forumite going to a venue where there are other forumites....

thewacko
27th-December-2005, 10:33 AM
Balls
:devil: a cut quote I know but this just about sums up Bromley:cheers:

I have been there a few times on ordinary nights and still find it very clicky to say the least

The honorouble Mr McGregor may at least be pleased to know it is now a non smoking venue - but lets not get on that subject again!

One of the best venues I have been to over the last year or so (being restricted to south east London:tears: ) has been Dartford - very nice, very freindly and very not Ceroc Kent:eek: (Dance Riviera Actualy):clap: :cheers:

Rhythm King
27th-December-2005, 10:49 AM
I just ask whoever I want to dance with, to dance. And usually they'll dance with me. Even if I am bald, fat and ugly.


Tcha - that's just Beginner's Luck mate :whistle:

thewacko
27th-December-2005, 02:01 PM
Even if I am bald, fat and ugly.

:waycool: yep it works for me too:waycool:


Of course, being on the forum helps generally too. It's certainly a way of breaking the ice for any forumite going to a venue where there are other forumites....
:flower: :flower: :yeah: :clap: :clap: :clap:

TiggsTours
28th-December-2005, 11:54 AM
But I often ask someone to dance on the basis that I've seen them dancing, and liked what I see. What's so very wrong with that?

Absolutely nothing. I too have often seen someone dancing and then asked them due to what I've seen, but I have never looked down my nose at someone who's asked me to dance, simply because I don't know them, so they simply MUST be a total beginner, and not worthy of my time & effort, just to ask them to dance 2 tracks later, after I've seen them dancing with someone else, and realised they are worthy of my attentions. This is the sort of attitude I have witnessed at Bromley, and it appears from this thread that so have quite a few others (all ladies, I notice!)

WittyBird
28th-December-2005, 11:58 AM
This is the sort of attitude I have witnessed at Bromley, and it appears from this thread that so have quite a few others (all ladies, I notice!)

:yeah: It makes me sad that people behave that way:mad:

TiggsTours
28th-December-2005, 11:59 AM
If someone turns me down, I never ask them again, unless they are just postponing and *do* come back for a dance later. But if they ask me, then the slate's cleared - I can't afford to be too fussy :blush:

If he really did look at you like you'd crawled off his shoe, and you don't mind p*ssing him off, then might be fun to start the dance, then remark "Out of curiosity, why did you ask me, when you turned me down last time? :innocent:"
Not really fair, could be deemed as a bit petty, and you could lose out!

If I turn someone down, I always have good reason for it, in my mind at least. I personally think, for example, that I really want to find a friend of mine before I go home is a good reason to say no to someone you don't know. I'm not fussy who I turn down, and have often turned down really good friends, who I love dancing with, because I really want a break, or want to find someone, or a drink, or the toilet, all sorts of reasons! Equally, I sometimes turn people down I've never met before, and, to be honest, I have a dreadful memory, and next time I see them I probably won't remember! Just because I don't seek them out to ask them to dance, doesn't mean I'm being funny if I don't, its probably just that I don't remember!

Personally, I wouldn't hold a grudge against someone who turned me down, as long as any reason other than "I don't know you, so don't know if you are worthy of me", and would not have any slate that needs wiping!

under par
28th-December-2005, 12:06 PM
Not really fair, could be deemed as a bit petty, and you could lose out!

LOTS GOOD POINTS

Personally, I wouldn't hold a grudge against someone who turned me down, as long as any reason other than "I don't know you, so don't know if you are worthy of me", and would not have any slate that needs wiping!

Well said :yeah: this dancing lark is supposed to be fun I can't imagine having slates or grudge lists in my bag as well as all my shirts towells and shoes...it would just be too heavy.

TheTramp
28th-December-2005, 12:14 PM
It's not so much a grudge. When they've turned me down twice, I just assume that they don't want to dance with me. So, why keep on asking, only to be turned down again. No-one needs that much rejection....

doc martin
28th-December-2005, 12:24 PM
Well said :yeah: this dancing lark is supposed to be fun I can't imagine having slates or grudge lists in my bag as well as all my shirts towells and shoes...it would just be too heavy.
Plus the chalk from the slate would get all over your clean shirts. And then later on in the evening one of your wet shirts would make the slate all damp and the chalk wouldn't be able to write on it any more.

Also, when someone comes to ask you to dance you would have to say "Excuse me a moment while I check my slate." But because you can't be expected to remember the names of the people who turn you down (why would you want to?), you just write a nasty description of them on the slate like "Blonde girl wearing very tasteless shoes".

Well that won't ring any bells a few weeks later, so you have to show the list of descriptions to the person asking you to dance. By the time you have gone through all of the descriptions and, after a few pointed queries from her ("So, what do you think of these shoes then?"), you decide she is someone you can dance with. At this point either she has got so annoyed by all your impertinent questions ("When you were here two weeks ago last Thursday, did you forget your deodorant?") or, more likely the song has finished and it is time to start the same procedure with your next potential dance partner.

In the long run it is probably easier and more fun to develop a faulty memory. Forget who you have turned down and forget who has turned you down. Try not to take it too far and wander round saying "Do I come here often", but do smile vaguely as if you are very approachable.

Rhythm King
28th-December-2005, 01:27 PM
It's not so much a grudge. When they've turned me down twice, I just assume that they don't want to dance with me. So, why keep on asking, only to be turned down again. No-one needs that much rejection....
:yeah: It's three strikes and you're out with me, I'm afraid.

LMC
28th-December-2005, 01:35 PM
Personally, I wouldn't hold a grudge against someone who turned me down, as long as any reason other than "I don't know you, so don't know if you are worthy of me", and would not have any slate that needs wiping!
To be honest, since I don't have an *actual* slate, I very rarely remember from one event to the next - so it's really rationing people to one refusal per person per evening by not asking them again that night. There's only so much rejection a girl can take... It would have to be "multiple refusals" before I remembered and stopped asking someone altogether 'ever again'.

And I don't count postponements for shirt-changing/drink/don't like this track - although if it's someone I don't know, I'll usually wait for them to come and find me, on the basis that guys are often outnumbered at a venue and generally get to 'choose' who they dance less than we do.


...you just write a nasty description of them on the slate like "Blonde girl wearing very tasteless shoes".
You can't even remember my name? :tears:

senorita
28th-December-2005, 01:51 PM
I went to the Bromley Masked Ball on Saturday night.
What a great venue it is. Lovely floor, Bar etc I took one look and thought this is gonna be great.

How wrong can you be.:what:
1. It was overcrowded, worse than I have seen in a long time.
2. The People

AFAIC....

The majority were up their own Ar$es. I got refused 4 times.

Me. 'Would you like to dance?'
Him. 'No'

How rude, I couldn't believe it. I was surprised that all the lovely venues around and how welcoming other venues are that Bromley is so different. It was like a scene out of League of Gentleman ' It's a local venue for local people, nothing for you here'

Any one had similar situations?
*not a happy birdie :mad: *

This is a very bad attitude towards you!?....whom would want to refuse such a smiley you?? :nice: So sorry to hear this..
Well their lost....somebody else gain :hug: :flower:

WittyBird
28th-December-2005, 01:52 PM
This is a very bad attitude towards you!?....whom would want to refuse such a smiley you?? :nice:
Well their lost....somebody else gain :hug: :flower:

Bless you :flower:

Russell Saxby
28th-December-2005, 02:02 PM
whom would want to refuse such a smiley you?? :nice:


.... well I tried last night, but once she's got you in that death-grip there is no escape

:flower:

WittyBird
28th-December-2005, 02:03 PM
.... well I tried last night, but once she's got you in that death-grip there is no escape

:flower:
:tears:

doc martin
28th-December-2005, 02:19 PM
You can't even remember my name? :tears:
See, exactly my point. You make a comment like that and every woman thinks you're talking about her. That is the road to damnation... or at least to Bromley.

senorita
28th-December-2005, 02:25 PM
.... well I tried last night, but once she's got you in that death-grip there is no escape

:flower:


:rofl: :rofl:
Nah ...thats what all the gorgeous birds do to you...:blush: or the effect you have on em :wink: :nice:

drathzel
28th-December-2005, 02:27 PM
It is hard enough to go to a venue when there are many people you dont know without worrying about cliques. I am with tramp on this one, if i want to dance with you i will ask you, if you say no, then i will not ask you again that night, i will assume there is a reason and if you want to dance with me later you will come and find me.

I try not to get involved in venue politics, he likes she likes he likes her who doesnt like him, i just enjoy myself. I have met people who have disliked me for this as well, i may have insulted by asking their dance partner or whatever, but i dont really care. I am there to dance and enjoy myself and i always find a few mugs to dance with me!:hug:

thewacko
28th-December-2005, 02:29 PM
:yeah: It's three strikes and you're out with me, I'm afraid.
:what: you mean they hit you at greenwich:what:
:rofl: cor you must be the one whos a worserer dancer than me
:waycool: I knew that there must be 1:waycool:

:worthy: but at least you let them hit you three times before saying no:worthy:

Tazmanian Devil
1st-January-2006, 04:09 AM
Well blow me, I have never seen it. I am there for new year, Please don't come down on me too hard, There was a decision to make :blush: and I got talked into it :innocent:
But i am going to make it my personal misssion to find out if it works and exactly how hidden it is. Will report back when I get home. :kiss: :hug:
Oooh this is weird quoting myself.
O.K mission accumplished The fountin is still there and it works. :clap: But it is hidden in the corner and there is one table round that corner. When approaching the fountin it acually felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. :eek: There was 2 toasters on the side and one of them big kettles which made it look kinda like a staff area.

Little note about tonight. Didn't seem as busy as christmas although still got stamped on twicw kicked once and headbutted once also. Lots of different dancers there and generally a good evening. I think it helped that the class was actually the maddison :clap: don't know if any of you like the maddison but I love it :D so was totally in my element.
:kiss: :hug:

timbp
1st-January-2006, 09:22 AM
although still got stamped on twicw kicked once and headbutted once also.
Dancing, or trying to find the fountain?

WittyBird
1st-January-2006, 02:49 PM
Dancing, or trying to find the fountain?

Knowing Bromley it was probably to keep her away from finding the fountain:rofl:

Tazmanian Devil
1st-January-2006, 11:55 PM
Dancing, or trying to find the fountain?
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Dancing. The headbutting bit annoyed me a bit as a guy I know well had me in a dip at the end of a track (The hall had well finned out at this point BTW) and he held me down there for a couple of mins messing around, I was laughing and such as like when some guy decides to dip his partner and smack her head off of mine :angry:


Knowing Bromley it was probably to keep her away from finding the fountain
:rofl: :rofl: