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Siobhan (Forum Plant)
21st-January-2003, 11:27 AM
And just for Gus, here's one for the boys...

TheTramp
21st-January-2003, 12:19 PM
I NEVER ask- the chicks come flooding to me!Yeah. Right. Usually I have to pay them to dance with me!

Steve

Franck
21st-January-2003, 12:19 PM
Interesting result so far!
Every man asks half the time!

I have to say I do, but it is not an even split.
I tend to ask Beginners / visitors as they are usually unlikely to ask, but rarely ask regulars, who usually know that I hardly (if ever) say no to a dance anyway...

I also find that at parties, I get fewer occasions to ask...


Franck.

horsey_dude
22nd-January-2003, 06:51 AM
You didn't have an option "I have to beg".......

Gadget
22nd-January-2003, 09:58 AM
Most of the time I try to dance with beginners, so most of the time I have to ask.
...Actually, the only time I'm asked is when I have just finished one dance and am about to either take a drink, or look for another partner - hmmm; that's about the only time I'm not on the dance floor anyway... perhaps I should give people more of a chance to approach me ?

So for those who are approached quitre often, (even 1/2 is a lot) - what's the secret to the 'lynx' effect ?

TheTramp
22nd-January-2003, 11:14 AM
Gadget....

Offer to pay for dances. It's the only way!

Steve

Gadget
22nd-January-2003, 01:36 PM
Originally posted by TheTramp
Offer to pay for dances. It's the only way!

A masterful plan, with only two drawbacks; 1) I'm skint; fiscally challenged; pennyless; broke; financially exhausted; insolvent; tapped out...etc.
and 2) I'm skint.

I know this is technically only one point, but as it is such a majour one that it deserved a second measure.

...hmmm.... money is not the only coin... I could pay out in other ways... :innocent:

TheTramp
22nd-January-2003, 01:39 PM
How's that then Gadget??

Washing up? Cutting the grass? Ironing? Dusting? Any others? :rolleyes:

Steve

TheTramp
22nd-January-2003, 01:40 PM
Okie, I wanna know who ticked the box for 'I NEVER ask- the chicks come flooding to me!'.

I can assure you that it wasn't me.....

So, c'mon. Whoever it was, share the tips on how you do it.

Steve

Gadget
22nd-January-2003, 02:08 PM
Originally posted by TheTramp
How's that then Gadget??

Washing up? Cutting the grass? Ironing? Dusting? Any others? :rolleyes:

I am reknown in certain circles for my skills in massage; equal time dancing for relaxation ? :wink: :innocent:

I think that would depend on the quality of the dance... What do you think is a fair trade, or what would you give up for a 'good' dance then? (Either in services or posessions.)

If you could be guaranteed a dance where you and your partner just 'click', the music is the perfect tempo, the moves just seem to flow and there would be enough space to not worry about other dancers... what would you trade for that ?

TheTramp
22nd-January-2003, 02:14 PM
I am reknown in certain circles for my skills in massage; equal time dancing for relaxation ?Sold. Book me in for 10 dances next time I see you :D


If you could be guaranteed a dance where you and your partner just 'click', the music is the perfect tempo, the moves just seem to flow and there would be enough space to not worry about other dancers... what would you trade for that ?This happens often enough for me not to have to offer anything in trade. If it didn't, I don't think that I'd still be dancing.....

Steve

Jon
23rd-January-2003, 10:38 PM
Venues I don't go to much I tend to ask half the time.

But at my regular venues I don't have to ask, in fact nor do the women I tend to just get grabbed sometimes before the previous lady has even left my arms! :grin:. Looks like I've finally found the right aftershave :wink:

But I always try to be approachable and try and ask beginners when I can.

Bill
31st-January-2003, 03:26 PM
I assume the question means do we ask women more than they ask us ! rather than do we actually say 'would you like to dance' !:rolleyes:

Like many men at the classes, and usually because there are more women than men, I am quite often asked to dance ( as is the Tramp ......... but no false modesty here !!:what: :wink: ) and at Aberdeen and Edinburgh I'm probably asked more than I ask but when down south ( excpet at Stockport and Bowden )very few women ask me to dance which is not surprising as I'm new and 'unknown'.

However, when it comes to asking for a dance I have noticed myself getting very lazy and very impolite and just sticking out a hand or even just giving a woman a nudge :sorry :sick: . I even apologisd for this on Tuesday when I realised how that must have appeared but many men and women do that with dancers they know......especially when the noise is very loud so offering a hand is easier than shouting 'do you fancy a dance then ??'

John S
31st-January-2003, 03:56 PM
Originally posted by Bill

However, when it comes to asking for a dance I have noticed myself getting very lazy and very impolite and just sticking out a hand or even just giving a woman a nudge

You're right, Bill - when you know each other, you can agree to dance by the merest flicker of an eyebrow, or even just catching the other person's eye (Sorry, just had a surreal image from that last phrase!)

I guess that makes it particularly difficult for new dancers, particularly ladies conditioned by society NOT to ask, as they perhaps wonder what on earth they are supposed to do to get a dance!

Gadget
31st-January-2003, 10:55 PM
Originally posted by Bill
However, when it comes to asking for a dance I have noticed myself getting very lazy and very impolite and just sticking out a hand or even just giving a woman a nudge :sorry :sick: . I even apologisd for this on Tuesday when I realised how that must have appeared but many men and women do that with dancers they know......especially when the noise is very loud so offering a hand is easier than shouting 'do you fancy a dance then ??'

Erm...:sorry: I think that this is the only way that I ask women to dance; an offer of a hand and a grin... am I doing something wrong ? breaking some moral taboo ? :what:

Dreadful Scathe
3rd-February-2003, 11:23 AM
Originally posted by Bill
However, when it comes to asking for a dance I have noticed myself getting very lazy and very impolite and just sticking out a hand or even just giving a woman a nudge :sorry :sick: . I even apologisd for this on Tuesday when I realised how that must have appeared but many men and women do that with dancers they know......especially when the noise is very loud so offering a hand is easier than shouting 'do you fancy a dance then ??'

A smile and a wink is all you need ;)

Its a pity Im too tall to successfully wear a smurf costume, that'd help too Im sure :)

Siobhan (Forum Plant)
5th-February-2003, 11:41 AM
Nice to see you guys have the same issues as us!

Sheepman
2nd-June-2004, 05:10 PM
Originally posted by TheTramp
Yeah. Right. Usually I have to pay them to dance with me! And if that fails, make sure your current partner looks like she's having a ball, even when you're getting it all wrong!

Greg

Andy McGregor
2nd-June-2004, 05:22 PM
Originally posted by Bill
Like many men at the classes, and usually because there are more women than men, I am quite often asked to dance ( as is the Tramp ......... but no false modesty here !!:what: :wink: ) and at Aberdeen and Edinburgh I'm probably asked more than I ask but when down south ( excpet at Stockport and Bowden )very few women ask me to dance which is not surprising as I'm new and 'unknown'.

Apart from Hipsters, where I'm asked as often as I ask, I don't get asked to dance much at all - although I was asked all night at the Jive Masters which was fab.

I find the opposite of Bill. I'm hardly ever asked to dance at my local venues but if I go somewhere I rarely visit I'm asked a lot. I think part of the reason I don't get asked much at my local venues is because I've very quick to find my next partner - if I don't I get grabbed by one of my B-list stalkers*. Whereas I don't rush to find a partner at venues I don't know and quite often get asked before I've found someone:clap:

*A-list stalkers=stalkers you like:wink:

Mikey
2nd-June-2004, 06:03 PM
.

DangerousCurves
2nd-June-2004, 06:11 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
I'm very quick to find my next partner - if I don't I get grabbed by one of my B-list stalkers*.

*A-list stalkers=stalkers you like:wink:

Now I'm very worried ...:(


I'm a self-confessed Andy-stalker - but which list am I on:confused:

Martin
3rd-June-2004, 11:43 PM
However, when it comes to asking for a dance I have noticed myself getting very lazy and very impolite and just sticking out a hand or even just giving a woman a nudge

You have hit on a pet HATE of mine here Bill.

If someone I know well and they are a couple of tables away, raised eyebrows or a smile normally is enough, as by the time you make your way to them they would otherwise be nabbed.

When people who you do not know well (or at all) stand several paces away and simply throw thier hand out in your direction. :angry: I find this most rude.
I might be talking, resting, getting a drink, or waiting for a better track.
If you are going to ask, at least make the effort to ask IMHO.

The other :angry: being those who cut straight across a conversation and expect you to imediately stop talking and dance.
Waiting for a lull in conversation and asking politely, how difficult is that?

Andy McGregor
4th-June-2004, 12:35 AM
Now I'm very worried ...:(


I'm a self-confessed Andy-stalker - but which list am I on:confused:

There is another list: it is the people I stalk: Dangerous Curves it on it:devil:

It's a sort of mutual stalking thing: like two tigers circling each other deciding between fighting and curling up together and having a nice nap:wink:

Gadget
4th-June-2004, 10:17 AM
When people who you do not know well (or at all) stand several paces away and simply throw thier hand out in your direction. I find this most rude.

I might be talking, resting, getting a drink, or waiting for a better track.

If you are going to ask, at least make the effort to ask IMHO.

I might be doing any of those things, but I consider it even ruder to refuse. They are asking; just not verbaly. By the time they may have weaved through tables, avoided other couples making their way to the floor, spoken to you, then have both of you weave your way back to the floor, you have missed a fair portion of the track!

A simple shake of the head or turning away saves me a lot of time and allows me to seek another partner almost immediatly. It also negates them having to explain their refusal.


The other being those who cut straight across a conversation and expect you to imediately stop talking and dance.

Waiting for a lull in conversation and asking politely, how difficult is that?

Offering the hand negates this: if the person notices, then it is up to them to wrap-up the conversation if they want to dance. If they don't notice, then I find someone else who is not so engrossed in conversation. How much of the track do you have to waste looking for a lull in conversation? It is up to the conversing people how intrusive they allow the request to be - if the askee is rude about it, then a simple decline will make them go away. Would you rather talk or dance?

Andy McGregor
4th-June-2004, 10:47 AM
:yeah:

I'm with Gadget on this one. I go to dance. I use non-verbal signals to get the attention of people I know. This could be the offer of a hand, head movement or even a coquettish blown-kiss :kiss:

If people are engrossed in a conversation I still give the same signal - they can acknowledge it or they can be busy, if they are I catch them later.

People I don't know I always ask nicely using actual speech as it would seem imperious to just hold out a hand and expect them to take it.

Martin
4th-June-2004, 01:52 PM
I might be doing any of those things, but I consider it even ruder to refuse. They are asking; just not verbaly. By the time they may have weaved through tables, avoided other couples making their way to the floor, spoken to you, then have both of you weave your way back to the floor, you have missed a fair portion of the track!

A simple shake of the head or turning away saves me a lot of time and allows me to seek another partner almost immediatly. It also negates them having to explain their refusal.



Offering the hand negates this: if the person notices, then it is up to them to wrap-up the conversation if they want to dance. If they don't notice, then I find someone else who is not so engrossed in conversation. How much of the track do you have to waste looking for a lull in conversation? It is up to the conversing people how intrusive they allow the request to be - if the askee is rude about it, then a simple decline will make them go away. Would you rather talk or dance?

I'm sorry I do not agree...

Looking away or ignoring is not going to cut it when you want to be open to a dance.

I am open to dancing BUT PLEASE show SOME respect.

I was talking to a UK "dance god" at Southport, and someone did the hand thing - he went for the dance, then came back and said "how rude".

Do you think he would take the time to ask her in the future? :sick:

Common decency is not that hard...

As to Andy - I come to dance, I come to to talk, I come to socialise and have an evening I enjoy.

Respect, is it that hard?

Sheepman
4th-June-2004, 02:12 PM
Waiting for a lull in conversation and asking politely, how difficult is that? I'm for the asking politely, but waiting for a lull in the conversation? :really: When a fantastic track is slipping away, as are all the other potential partners.
I'm there mainly to dance, and I've never refused anyone because I'm "busy" chatting.

Greg

Martin
4th-June-2004, 02:18 PM
I'm for the asking politely, but waiting for a lull in the conversation? :really: When a fantastic track is slipping away, as are all the other potential partners.
I'm there mainly to dance, and I've never refused anyone because I'm "busy" chatting.

Greg

Realy depends on your motivation to attend and evenings entertainment.

No, I don't want to say NO, but I would also like to chat to my friends and have a casual beer.

Gadget
4th-June-2004, 03:31 PM
I am open to dancing BUT PLEASE show SOME respect.I suppose it's also presentation and body language: If I offered my hand without a smile or eye contact, and with an air of "this is my offer, take it or I will find someone more worthy" then yes, I would be rude.
But my invite is (I hope) more allong the lines of "I love this track and would like to dance it with you; please oblige."

I come to dance, I come to to talk, I come to socialise and have an evening I enjoy....perhaps that's where we differ: I go to dance. If I wanted to socialise "normally" with these people and spend time in conversation, I would invite them for an after-dance drink somewhere. I only get let out once a week - I fully intend to make the most of it and cram as much dancing in as I can.
If the track is uninspiring, I will possably talk through it while dancing some basic moves, but most of my concentration is required to actually dance - there is little left for verbal conversation.

Lynn
4th-June-2004, 03:42 PM
A woman's perspective on the whole 'holding out a hand or asking' thing from men. (If you guys don't mind me commenting?) The last big freestyle I was at was Southport, I danced with loads of guys I don't know, and thinking back as to how they asked me - I can't remember! They communicated they would like a dance, and I agreed. Words, phrasing, body language (smiling is good) - whatever you use, is good if you do it nicely. I agree with the not interupting someone who looks in deep conversation, but if someone is standing near the dancefloor just chatting then they are probably happy enough to dance.

Lory
4th-June-2004, 05:24 PM
Last night, I spotted a guy I know and love dancing with but he was deep in conversation with a girl, I wanted to dance with him but thought it was rude to butt in, so I slowly walked over in the general direction and waited till eye contact was made, then simply smiled. :grin: He reached his hand out enthusiastically, walking onto the dance floor, then thanked me profusely for 'rescuing' him (she, probably thought I was terribly rude for interrupting, which I hadn't intended too) he then went on to explain, "she'd have kept me there chatting all night if you hadn't come over and I've come because I want to DANCE not chat!

Andy McGregor
5th-June-2004, 01:46 AM
I want to DANCE not chat!

In the unlikely event that you see me chatting to anyone feel free to come over and catch my eye. There are many methods of getting my attention, please be creative with clothing....

Gadget
6th-June-2004, 10:53 PM
the absence thereof also works :drool: :innocent:

Zebra Woman
17th-June-2004, 10:55 AM
I think part of the reason I don't get asked much at my local venues is because I've very quick to find my next partner - if I don't I get grabbed by one of my B-list stalkers*.
*A-list stalkers=stalkers you like:wink:

Andy, I hope you realise we're all frantically worrying what list we're on now!!
Do you have a Z-list for Zebras? :flower:

spindr
17th-June-2004, 12:31 PM
Do you have a Z-list for Zebras? :flower:

Knowing Andy, it'll probably depend on which of ze-bras you're wearing at the time :)