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KatieR
13th-October-2005, 02:06 PM
Something someone said to me recently made me think about all the really tacky chat up lines there are in the world, and nothing makes me laugh more!

I'll start us off with a few of my favourites....

Grab your coat, you've pulled!

Guy: Have you got any raisins?
Girl: No...
Guy: How about a date?

You're like a candy bar, have sweet, half nuts!

You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!

You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast.

Angelina
13th-October-2005, 02:08 PM
you must be really tired, you have been running through my mind all day!

Northants Girly
13th-October-2005, 02:09 PM
Have you told your parents about me yet?


(said to me at Ashton's last week) :rolleyes: :rofl:

philsmove
13th-October-2005, 02:30 PM
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

Purple Sparkler
13th-October-2005, 03:07 PM
I've had this one used on me as a joke by the new man:

"Do you have any Kiwi in you? No? Would you like some?"

El Salsero Gringo
13th-October-2005, 03:24 PM
I've had this one used on me as a joke by the new man:

"Do you have any Kiwi in you? No? Would you like some?"Which new man's that, then, PS?

KatieR
13th-October-2005, 03:29 PM
Which new man's that, then, PS?

You mean you didn't know????????? What planet have you been on?

under par
13th-October-2005, 03:30 PM
Which new man's that, then, PS?

I hope he's not Australian or else you might be having some fun and games soon!!!:rofl: :rofl:

killingtime
13th-October-2005, 03:31 PM
Which new man's that, then, PS?

Gosh ESG. You must not be following the 50 posts a day on the Singleton Sofa anymore :rolleyes:. Anyway read it here (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?p=157238#post157238).

One of my friends tried the "Fancy a Shag" line. Apparently it worked once though I'm not sure the failure ratio.

El Salsero Gringo
13th-October-2005, 03:34 PM
You mean you didn't know????????? What planet have you been on?Clearly I'm going to have to tone down the subtlety next time.

KatieR
13th-October-2005, 03:43 PM
Clearly I'm going to have to tone down the subtlety next time.

Im surprised you haven't seen the photos yet!

David Bailey
13th-October-2005, 03:43 PM
Clearly I'm going to have to tone down the subtlety next time.
I recommend much more use of smilies for more effective communication.

For example:
"Which new man's that, then PS? :rolleyes: :whistle: :innocent: "

El Salsero Gringo
13th-October-2005, 03:48 PM
I recommend much more use of smilies for more effective communication.

For example:
"Which new man's that, then PS? :rolleyes: :whistle: :innocent: "OK, you can smiliefy my next few posts. If the results are good, we can work on a permanent arrangement.

El Salsero Gringo
13th-October-2005, 03:50 PM
Back on thread, I don't think we've had:

"How do you like your eggs?"

To which the riposte has to be either "alone", or "unfertilised".

David Bailey
13th-October-2005, 04:02 PM
OK, you can smiliefy my next few posts. If the results are good, we can work on a permanent arrangement.

How's this then:
"OK, you can smiliefy my next few posts, you super person you :worthy: . If the results are good, as I'm sure they will be because you're so wonderful :flower: we can work on a permanent arrangement ;) , and I'll give you loads of money :clap:"

?

El Salsero Gringo
13th-October-2005, 04:02 PM
How's this then:
"OK, you can smiliefy my next few posts, you super person you :worthy: . If the results are good, as I'm sure they will be because you're so wonderful :flower: we can work on a permanent arrangement ;) , and I'll give you loads of money :clap:"

?Don't call us, we'll call you.

Next?

DianaS
13th-October-2005, 04:12 PM
Don't call us, :confused: we'll call you.:eek: :wink:

Next?:yeah: :whistle:
Or would you like to meet for breakfast :drool:
Shall I call you :yum:
or nudge you:whistle:

under par
13th-October-2005, 04:16 PM
(Slightly over used on this forum by me so sorry in advance but it does belong here)

Would you like to go halves on a b@stard?

Cruella
13th-October-2005, 04:51 PM
(Slightly over used on this forum by me so sorry in advance but it does belong here)

Would you like to go halves on a b@stard?
This did make me laugh though the first time i read it.
How about ' Thats a lovely dress/shirt, but it would look nicer on my bedroom floor!'

Stuart
13th-October-2005, 05:02 PM
Or would you like to meet for breakfast :drool:
Shall I call you :yum:
or nudge you:whistle:

This is similar to one used on a former work colleague of mine:

"Would you like to come back to mine for a coffee? I'll make you breakfast in the morning".

TiggsTours
13th-October-2005, 05:29 PM
A few I got in Australia from a guy I was playing pool with were:


Your mate's really gorgeous, she can't be English, English girls don't come that pretty.
You're looking better the more I drink.
The last girl I played pool with s**gged me all night!


I think I was supposed to be impressed!

I kept putting up with it to see just how bad it could get, reporting back in to my mates all night, and having a really good laugh, at his expense!

Clive Long
13th-October-2005, 05:38 PM
A few I got in Australia from a guy I was playing pool with were:
<< snip >>
I was on some boat trip in Oz and some beered-up chap was talking to an impossibly blonde and impossibly beautiful Scandinavian girl, telling her about the different kinds of jocks(*) he had.

She yawned.

He kept knocking at a closed door - bless him.


And how about "But you live so far away?" To which the answer came, "I've got a rail card and I get a 30% discount at weekends." So romantic, so terminal. (ooh, hoo, little pun there, Clive)

Clive

(*) Underwear used by the Australian male, I believe

Tessalicious
13th-October-2005, 06:17 PM
'If it's true we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.'

'I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even further for that thing you do with your tongue.'

and of course

'You, me, chocolate body paint and handcuffs. Any questions?'

wicked blue
13th-October-2005, 07:07 PM
I was told this one...

There is a theif around here...

Really?

Yep they've pinched the stars from the skies and placed them in your eyes!

Not what i'd call a good pick up line! I almost puked on the spot!!!:sick:

El Salsero Gringo
13th-October-2005, 07:37 PM
"My mate and I had a bet to see who would come over to talk to you... and I lost."

(I'm not sure about that one either.)

Baruch
13th-October-2005, 07:56 PM
People actually use some of these lines? Apart from jokingly, of course. Sad!!!!

SilverFox
14th-October-2005, 12:15 AM
All those curves and me with no brakes.

What a stunning dress! Can I talk you out of it?

Him: You look just like my first wife.
Her: Why, how many times have you been married?
Him: Never.

If you're gonna regret this in the morning, we can sleep until 1pm.

Do you sleep on your stomach? D'ya mind if I do?

My face is leaving in 10 minutes, you'd better be on it.

Hi, my name’s Fred Flintstone, and I’m gonna make your Bedrock!

Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go and dance so I can talk to your friend?

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

Do you believe in love at first sight…or shall I walk past again?

My bed's broken. Can I use yours?

Stuart
14th-October-2005, 07:39 AM
I just popped in to look for my new girlfriend, and I think I've just found her.

KatieR
14th-October-2005, 09:54 AM
Here is another one that always gives me a giggle..

boy: Did it hurt?
Girl: did what hurt/No/Huh???
boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Sparkles
14th-October-2005, 11:38 AM
Ok, call me a push-over, but some of SF's are actually quite good :blush:

Sheepman
14th-October-2005, 01:33 PM
Here's a couple that maybe useful a little further down the line -
"I do like children really, they're more interesting than goldfish. That is if you've got a big enough tank."

Her "Would you die for me?"
Him "What are the Parameters?"
Her "What do you mean parameters?"
Him "Am I rescuing you from an accident?"
Her "Yes"
Him "OK then, but I'm not dying just for your entertainment."

And one for that Saga singles night -
Forget your teeth dear, you've pulled!

G

Sheepman
14th-October-2005, 02:29 PM
And if you're not into one liners...

Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.

Should that be on the "M word" thread?

Greg

WittyBird
14th-October-2005, 02:34 PM
Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?

David Bailey
14th-October-2005, 02:39 PM
On a topical note:

A very confident James Bond walks into a casino and takes a seat at a table next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The women notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?

Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you haven't got any knickers on...."

The woman giggles and replies," Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!"

Bond smirks and raises an eyebrow, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast..."

TiggsTours
14th-October-2005, 04:44 PM
Ok, call me a push-over, but some of SF's are actually quite good :blush:
No, it can't just be you, they'd work on me too!:whistle:

TiggsTours
14th-October-2005, 04:44 PM
And if you're not into one liners...

Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.

Should that be on the "M word" thread?

Greg
Mmm, so would this, maybe I am a pushover!

LMC
14th-October-2005, 04:49 PM
Her "Would you die for me?"
Him "What are the Parameters?"
Her "What do you mean parameters?"
Him "Am I rescuing you from an accident?"
Her "Yes"
Him "OK then, but I'm not dying just for your entertainment."
:rofl: - that would work on me. Sadly, I'm not the type to ask a guy whether he'd die for me so am unlikely ever to hear this.

killingtime
14th-October-2005, 05:15 PM
Ok, call me a push-over, but some of SF's are actually quite good :blush:


No, it can't just be you, they'd work on me too!

On an entirely unrelated topic how do you print a post from the forum :whistle:?

Seahorse
14th-October-2005, 07:01 PM
'...Here's 20p! Call your boyfriend and tell'm you'll be home in the morning...'
:wink:

fletch
14th-October-2005, 07:48 PM
Hi all, just back from the Caribbean:clap:
have to say they will try any chat up line for a passport:what:
One said he would work hard, cook, clean the house,and treat me like a princess, if I married him:eek:
Might have been tempted if I belived him:really:

Jazz_Shoes (Ash)
14th-October-2005, 08:41 PM
Who needs pick up lines? Just go and pinch their bum :whistle: Not that I do that, it's just a suggestion.

Sheepman
17th-October-2005, 11:58 AM
"Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too."

"Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street."

(give the person a bottle of vodka martini) "Drink this, then call me when you're ready."

Greg

KatieR
17th-October-2005, 01:41 PM
Hi all, just back from the Caribbean:clap:
have to say they will try any chat up line for a passport:what:
One said he would work hard, cook, clean the house,and treat me like a princess, if I married him:eek:
Might have been tempted if I belived him:really:

Maybe I need to go with this approach :whistle:

I heard this one from a friend the other day...

True, there are a lot of fish in the sea,
but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.

Little Monkey
23rd-October-2005, 11:40 PM
And if you're not into one liners...

{snip}

Should that be on the "M word" thread?


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
And they call me cynical??!!

Little Monkey
23rd-October-2005, 11:45 PM
On holiday in Morocco, my ex was offered 300 camels if he'd give me away. He nearly accepted the offer, but the difficulty of packing 300 camels into a suitcase (and the excess weight he'd have to pay!) put him off, so he kept me.:whistle:

spindr
24th-October-2005, 08:30 AM
On holiday in Morocco, my ex was offered 300 camels if he'd give me away.
Heavy smoker?
SpinDr.

Feelingpink
24th-October-2005, 09:28 AM
I can make you come three times before I even get your clothes off.

Sheepman
26th-October-2005, 12:01 PM
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
(I'm sure I know a few people that must have tried this one, what is sadder is that I can imagine it may even have worked!)

If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

My love for you is like diarrhoea, I just can't hold it in

I hope you know CPR, 'cos you take my breath away!

I'm bigger and better than the Titanic..... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

Greg

under par
26th-October-2005, 04:48 PM
I can make you come three times before I even get your clothes off.


Ooh!:D Ooh!:D Ooh!:drool: ....haven't heard this one before but kind of wish I had.:tears:

LMC
26th-October-2005, 05:03 PM
My love for you is like diarrhoea, I just can't hold it in
We really need that vomit emoticon :sick:


Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
I mean, we REALLY need that vomit emoticon - \_/ just doesn't quite cover it...

Feelingpink
27th-October-2005, 08:31 AM
Ooh!:D Ooh!:D Ooh!:drool: ....haven't heard this one before but kind of wish I had.:tears:I hadn't thought of it being used by a woman on a man:grin:

under par
27th-October-2005, 08:35 AM
I hadn't thought of it being used by a woman on a man:grin:


I think if I were a woman I would give it a try ...........see what sort of relationship that would turn into:drool: :drool: :drool: :cheers:


If I were a man I would accept the proposal:blush: ( if I wasn't already so very much involved with the only woman in my life:drool: :drool: :drool: :flower: )

Feelingpink
27th-October-2005, 08:45 AM
I think if I were a woman I would give it a try ...........see what sort of relationship that would turn into:drool: :drool: :drool: :cheers:


If I were a man I would accept the proposal:blush: ( if I wasn't already so very much involved with the only woman in my life:drool: :drool: :drool: :flower: )Relationship??? I was thinking more of it being said by someone who underpromises and overdelivers ... :devil:

under par
27th-October-2005, 08:51 AM
Relationship??? I was thinking more of it being said by someone who underpromises and overdelivers ... :devil:

Loads and loads of RAMPANT S$X then!:whistle:

............ with an overdeveloped undercarriage:D

Baruch
27th-October-2005, 06:23 PM
I think if I were a woman ....

If I were a man ....
Are you trying to tell us something, UP?

under par
27th-October-2005, 06:46 PM
Are you trying to tell us something, UP?


No........ I left that bit out there as bait for the pedants to chew on:whistle:

Baruch
27th-October-2005, 11:18 PM
No........ I left that bit out there as bait for the pedants to chew on:whistle:
Won't be much left to chew on - there's loads of us pedants here :whistle:

Zebra Woman
28th-October-2005, 10:56 AM
We would really appreciate it if anyone could put us up for the night and as perfect gentlemen, we promise to behave. :devil:



Yup, I reckon that one is going to work.

:whistle:

Cruella
28th-October-2005, 11:01 AM
Yup, I reckon that one is going to work.

:whistle:
Not in Scotland though, i've PMd and prewarned.:rofl: :rofl:

doc martin
28th-October-2005, 11:42 AM
Yup, I reckon that one is going to work.

:whistle:
Notice they have only agreed to behave, not to behave well :grin:

Sheepman
1st-November-2005, 02:07 PM
OK, time to get the sick bag out again:-

You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.

Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it. :what:

If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.

Most people like to watch the World Cup 'cos it only happens once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime.

Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

DianaS
1st-November-2005, 05:16 PM
while dancing with a stranger -
"do you have a name? and number?"

Ghost
1st-November-2005, 06:28 PM
Here is another one that always gives me a giggle..

boy: Did it hurt?
Girl: did what hurt/No/Huh???
boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Girl "No, but God says 'Hi' " ~ CSI Miami

For inventiveness:
Man beckons to a lady with his index finger. She walks over. Man says
"If I can make you come all the way over here with just one finger, imagine what I can do with my whole hand?"

The actual best line I've heard but then forgot goes something like
"Hi. You're really attractive and I was wondering if I could find out if you've got a personality to match?"
The original was phrased better, but I like the concept.

Take care,
Christopher

stewart38
2nd-November-2005, 10:47 AM
OK, time to get the sick bag out again:-

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?


I was at the hospital the other day and this lovely sexy nurse said to me

here is A Love Story ;

I will seek and find you . . .

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you .

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm

finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

Ghost
2nd-November-2005, 09:24 PM
Clearly I'm a God amongst men, women, foxes and cartoon characters.
:cheers: :rofl:

Take care,
Christopher

David Bailey
3rd-November-2005, 09:51 AM
:cheers: :rofl:
:confused: Well, err, let me know if that one works for you :whistle:

drathzel
3rd-November-2005, 09:20 PM
:confused: Well, err, let me know if that one works for you :whistle:

:cheers: works for me and if someone can :rofl: me into bed, well i assume that is working too!:devil:

KatieR
4th-November-2005, 10:53 AM
Here's a few little gems!

Do you work for ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package

Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

Screw me if I'm wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts.

Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.

Stuart
6th-November-2005, 02:39 PM
Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. No, its just a sparkle.

I'm sorry but I think you owe me a drink. I just looked at you and dropped mine!

Your eyes are blue like the ocean, and baby I'm lost at sea.

pjay
8th-November-2005, 08:44 AM
A couple of favourites...


Excuse me, I've lost my number, may I have yours?

*licks own finger, touches other on shoulder followed by self* Lets go somewhere we can get out of these wet clothes.

Cruella
8th-November-2005, 09:59 AM
*licks own finger, touches other on shoulder followed by self* Lets go somewhere we can get out of these wet clothes.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: