The "M" word

[Clive Long]

Last Sunday I went on a walk with 3 couples I have known for some time. The relationships are established and seem to be secure (who knows? who knows?). None of the couples are married although of the people some are divorced, some have no previous (*). One couple has two young children. In fact, none of my "coupled" friends are married - but that may, in some way, be self-fulfilling.

So this state of affairs gets me thinking.

Is marriage relevant today? Does it matter if marriage is irrelevant to most? If marriage has relevance, what is it and to whom?

My gut instinct is that the majority of women who attend Ceroc / MJ events have been married and maybe the majority of men haven't (I feel a poll coming on - it is private)

And yes, Missy D, all the men who go to Ceroc/MJ are single.

I have never been married and haven't missed it.



Clive

(*) Villain slang for "previous convictions" :devil:

[Missy D]

Last Sunday I went on a walk with 3 couples I have known for some time. The relationships are established and seem to be secure (who knows? who knows?). None of the couples are married although of the people some are divorced, some have no previous (*). One couple has two young children. In fact, none of my "coupled" friends are married - but that may, in some way, be self-fulfilling.

So this state of affairs gets me thinking.

Is marriage relevant today? Does it matter if marriage is irrelevant to most? If marriage has relevance, what is it and to whom?

My gut instinct is that the majority of women who attend Ceroc / MJ events have been married and maybe the majority of men haven't (I feel a poll coming on)

And yes, Missy D, all the men who go to Ceroc/MJ are single.

I have never been married and haven't missed it.



Clive

(*) Villain slang for "previous convictions:devil:


Clive you are so funny!!:rofl:

I have never been married either but i do have one child!!

Last month i went to my very first friends wedding. He was the most strangest looking man yet he was the first of us lot to get married.

I find it very hard to find a man that doesnt feel the need to rummage in the pants of other women whilst seeing me. I used to think i would like to get married but i am not sure now. Its more about trust and honesty for me and no man has proved this to me yet.. I am sure there are some good men out there that are genuine..

People just dont seem to marry anymore. I also feel that because of mobile phones and texts that affairs are far more easy to get away with..

Enough said before i give examples from my soap box!

[Lynn]

I think marriage is still relevant.


I have never been married and haven't missed it. Why is it when men say this its fine - but if a women says it people think she is odd and is going to end up a mad spinster with 40 cats?

Though if I was wanting to be in long term 'spend the rest of my life with someone' situation - then I definitely would. Do that thing. You know, the 'M' word.

[drathzel]

Though if I was wanting to be in long term 'spend the rest of my life with someone' situation - then I definitely would. Do that thing. You know, the 'M' word.
:yeah:

[Lynn]

And what is more important - compatibility and long term stability - or falling in love? Am I being an old romantic to want to fall deeply in love before seriously considering marriage?

[Clive Long]

<< snip >>
I find it very hard to find a man that doesnt feel the need to rummage in the pants of other women whilst seeing me.
"Rummaging in the pant area"

If I take nothing else from the time I spend in our little virtual community, it will be that phrase.

Excuse me while I :rofl:


I used to think i would like to get married but i am not sure now. Its more about trust and honesty for me and no man has proved this to me yet.. I am sure there are some good men out there that are genuine..
<< snip >>
Sabotaging my own thread :rolleyes: - why do I feel that when women say they want decent behaviour from a man, and they they get it, that they are bored, bored, bored?

And as far as the trust and honesty is concerned - it takes two to tango - or are other men just better liars and have better memories than me? Not that I would ever contemplate such despicable behaviour.
< / thread sabotage>

Clive

[LMC]

Why is it when men say this its fine - but if a women says it people think she is odd and is going to end up a mad spinster with 40 cats?
Marriage (and divorce) doesn't stop you being a mad woman with too many cats :D (although it's four, not forty, long story)

Not fussed about getting married again either way (been there, done that, blah blah blah) - but one divorce was enough thanks, I'd have to be b****y sure. And no, compatability and long-term stability aren't enough - that's also from nearly 10 years experience (no blame or equal blame, take your pick - it was just one of those things).

For me, that piece of paper meant that I stuck it out 8 years longer than I would have if we hadn't been married. So, IMO, if a couple go into marriage with an "if it doesn't work out we can get divorced" attitude, then marriage is pointless and irrelevant. But if they go into it with the view that they are making a life-time commitment, then maybe that piece of paper will make them make an effort to work things out/resolve things rather than just 'walking' at the first sign of problems.

I am valiantly ignoring the call of my pet soap box ("books, films and the media give people unrealistic expectations from relationships") so will stop there... And don't get me started in response to Clive's thread sabotage :rofl:

I might go and have a little rant in the sofa room when it's empty later :D

[jivecat]

And what is more important - compatibility and long term stability - or falling in love? Am I being an old romantic to want to fall deeply in love before seriously considering marriage?


Sounds lovely, but I'd have to think long & hard before committing myself to any course of action that might upset my economic security, which marriage would have the potential to do. So in other words, no, not unless he was at least as rich (not difficult) or richer than myself. I think pre-nups are a good idea and I would be quite happy to sign one myself, I wouldn't expect to profit in any way from a marriage, just not lose what I already had. Not very romantic, but then, one of the main purposes of marriage is to serve as a legal as well as an emotional contract.

Sorry, Lynn, just read your post properly. I'd go for compatibility & long-term stability every time. Falling in love is mainly based on sexual attraction which wears off pretty fast - if there's no compatibility there's not much future for the relationship after the sex gets a bit boring.

I think the system I would advocate is arranged marriage, sorted by a combined council of friends, family and trained psychologists. I think that within reason, it doesn't really matter who you marry as long as there's a high degree of background compatibility. For most people it's the lifestyle they're buying into, anyway, the house, car, two kids and a dog. So you might as well let someone else pick for you, and then have someone to blame if it all goes pear-shaped.

At a slight tangent from Clive's thread sabotage, do people think that women get bored sexually faster than men? Interpret that how you will!

[Little Monkey]

Marriage - bring it on, woo-hooo!

Oh, damn. Need a man......

*Little Monkey scuttles off to the sofa room*

[Missy D]

"Rummaging in the pant area"

If I take nothing else from the time I spend in our little virtual community, it will be that phrase.

Excuse me while I :rofl:


And as far as the trust and honesty is concerned - it takes two to tango - or are other men just better liars and have better memories than me? Not that I would ever contemplate such despicable behaviour.
< / thread sabotage>

Clive

Its funny but this "rummaging in the pant area" came from a male dancer who when was refused sex asked whether he could just have a rummage in my pants instead!

I understand that in dance it does take 2 to tango but i have never been unfaithful to any man that i have dated despite knowing what they are up to. I was actually considering writing a book on my life experiences with the "gigolo" kind of men that I seem to attract.

I like to think that there are nice men out there that dont say "hey honey i am working late I cant see you tonight" (translated usually means I am shagging this other bird that knows nothing about you):angry:

You men should always delete the texts you dont want us to find!! And even if you put the other birds name as a blokes name we will still look. And why would Dave from the office be texting you at 3am saying "hey babe i am feeling so horny my batteries have gone in my vibrator..:eek:

*jumps off her soap box and pours a Jack Daniels and Coke*

[dee]

I have never been married but have 2 children :eek:

I was seeing a man in which i found out he was "rummaging" in the pants of others, and i put up with it cos i thought "i loved him", i also hoped we would marry one day but then i woke up and dumped the idiot.

For me, marriage would be like a life sentence, at the moment the thought of waking up to the same person everyday, cooking for them doing the washing sounds awful, i like to be "free" suppose ive lived on my own too long (8yrs) i like to dance when i want, do what i want, and not feel i have to ask anyones permission. I also like my own bed. One day i hope this will all change as i do miss male company. But for now i will keep being a spinster with my 3 cats and enjoy doing what I want to do.

From the selfish one :hug:

[Clive Long]

<< snip >> But for now i will keep being a spinster with my 3 cats and enjoy doing what I want to do.


<< snip >>
Marriage (and divorce) doesn't stop you being a mad woman with too many cats (although it's four, not forty, long story)
Cats. It's always cats.

I'm not clever enough to make a link to Mrs. Slocombe's pussy.

I went out one evening with a fantastically beautiful woman. I didn't want to talk - just look at her. I described the evening to a very persistent and perceptive friend who said after 3 minutes, "Cats. She has cats. Women like that always do." Spooky. :eek:

CRL (revision is going well BTW :rolleyes: )

[dee]

Cats. It's always cats.

I'm not clever enough to make a link to Mrs. Slocombe's pussy.

I went out one evening with a fantastically beautiful woman. I didn't want to talk - just look at her. I described the evening to a very persistent and perceptive friend who said after 3 minutes, "Cats. She has cats. Women like that always do." Spooky. :eek:

CRL (revision is going well BTW :rolleyes: )

Come on now clive, im sure you should know by now that "every" woman has at least one pussy :rofl:

[Gojive]

Come on now clive, im sure you should know by now that "every" woman has at least one pussy :rofl:

It's not the pussy that's the problem, it's the claws they insert into my pre-nupts! :eek:

My (ex)wife and I, had sixteen superb years...then we met each other!. I remember the day we met well - she had long golden hair, all down her back (none on her head mind). We met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting....I still drink btw, just under a different name now :waycool: . Anyhow, I looked at her acroos the floor. I remember thinking "somebody should pick her up, or she'll choke on her own vomit!".

I can still picture the moment she cocked an eye at me....and I cocked an eye at her. There we stood, ****-eyed. She rolled her eyes at me....so I picked them up, and rolled them back to her :) .

Then there was that "first night"....she seductively rolled up her hair :drool: ....and put it under the bed :eek:

*sigh! * Oh the mammories..............

[LMC]

Cats. It's always cats.
I freely admit mine are baby substitutes. But cats are better, you can leave them alone for hours on end without the social services being called in.

Anyway, dunno what you're moaning about, date a cat owner and you'd get all that extra pussy but only have to cope with one woman.

[Gojive]

I freely admit mine are baby substitutes. But cats are better, you can leave them alone for hours on end without the social services being called in.

Anyway, dunno what you're moaning about, date a cat owner and you'd get all that extra pussy but only have to cope with one woman.

I do!....now I have to have two of them on my lap when I'm trying to watch the footie :whistle:

[Tiggerbabe]

Cats. It's always cats.
Nuh uh uh! I have a dog :na:

[Lynn]

I freely admit mine are baby substitutes. But cats are better, you can leave them alone for hours on end without the social services being called in. I do think there is an element of nuturing need that pets can provide an outlet for (though in my case it would be a dog).

I like to think that there are nice men out there that dont say "hey honey i am working late I cant see you tonight" ... There are. I have known some wonderful guys, who are faithful. But I suppose the problem is you can't maybe tell that straight away.

why do I feel that when women say they want decent behaviour from a man, and they they get it, that they are bored, bored, bored?I don't find faithful men boring. I couldn't be with a man I didn't respect and I couldn't respect a man who wasn't faithful. Not respecting a guy is a big turn off for me, wheras being trustworthy would be a very attractive quality.

I think its an easier option to stay single, but am curently finding both the prospect of getting married and the prospect of not getting married, rather depressing. Maybe I'd better not read any more of this thread. :tears:

[Baruch]

Is marriage relevant today? Does it matter if marriage is irrelevant to most? If marriage has relevance, what is it and to whom?

I have never been married and haven't missed it.

How can you miss something you've never experienced?

As to whether or not marriage is relevant, ask a widow who loses her husband after 40 years together.

I know marriages don't work out in some cases, but that doesn't discredit marriage in itself. Speaking as a married man, getting married was one of the best things I ever did. Not that it made my life easier; in fact, the opposite is often true. It's definitely worth it if you find the right person, though. (If you're not sure, don't get married. It's too big a commitment to make just on the off-chance that it might work out.)

I suppose it all comes down to what you want. If you're willing to commit to someone, for better or worse, for life, then it's definitely relevant and worth while. If you can't see yourself with that person for the rest of your life, and/or if you have in the back of your mind the idea that "we can always divorce if it doesn't work out", then don't get married. That's the whole point of marriage: it is a commitment to be faithful to one person, and to share your life with her/him for better or for worse, for as long as both of you are alive. It's far more than just a formality, or a piece of paper, and it's certainly much more than just a wedding.

We hear plenty of stories about marriages that didn't work, and that's sad. However, many marriages do work, and last for life.

Will my marriage last for life? I hope so, and that's definitely my intention. I've made vows to that effect before God and before witnesses, freely and willingly, to someone I love. There's a strong commitment there towards each other. That gives our relationship a level of security that, in my opinion, would have been missing if we hadn't got married.

So, to return to Clive's question: yes, marriage is most certainly relevant today. In today's society there may be alternatives to marriage, but there is certainly no substitute.

[Lynn]

Thank you Baruch. :hug: I think I needed to read that. :flower:

[SilverFox]

I find it very hard to find a man that doesnt feel the need to rummage in the pants of other women whilst seeing me.Is rummaging in your pants whilst not seeing you permitted? .......


(just wondered...)

[Missy D]

Is rummaging in your pants whilst not seeing you permitted? .......


(just wondered...)

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Piglet]

Single with child and happier than I've ever been before!

Would have to be dead sure of a guy before I married him and that's why I've never gone that route yet! (But it's been fun trying to find out :wink: )

[dee]

Will my marriage last for life? I hope so, and that's definitely my intention. I've made vows to that effect before God and before witnesses, freely and willingly, to someone I love. There's a strong commitment there towards each other. That gives our relationship a level of security that, in my opinion, would have been missing if we hadn't got married.

So, to return to Clive's question: yes, marriage is most certainly relevant today. In today's society there may be alternatives to marriage, but there is certainly no substitute.

Nice to hear there ARE men out there that can commit to one woman, ive yet to have one of those, guess thats why i stand back and not get too involved with men as im fed up with all the lies and cheating maybe we should do a thread as to why men/women feel the need to do such a thing. One day i do hope to find a nice guy that i can settle down with and not have to share with others but i feel that will be a long wait :mad:

[Icey]

Sabotaging my own thread :rolleyes: - why do I feel that when women say they want decent behaviour from a man, and they they get it, that they are bored, bored, bored?

I'm an accountant so boring is my way. Give me a so called 'dull and boring' but trustworthy and honest man and I'm your girl!

[WittyBird]

Single with child and happier than I've ever been before!

Would have to be dead sure of a guy before I married him and that's why I've never gone that route yet! (But it's been fun trying to find out :wink: )

Ditto :rofl:

[Missy D]

Give me a so called 'dull and boring' but trustworthy and honest man and I'm your girl!


Shall we all just have a Hen night? forget the marriage bit for now as dont think the above really exists do you?:rofl:

[WittyBird]

Shall we all just have a Hen night? forget the marriage bit for now as dont think the above really exists do you?:rofl:

:yeah: Cracking Idea shall I book spearmint rhino's? :rofl:

[Missy D]

:yeah: Cracking Idea shall I book spearmint rhino's? :rofl:


Brilliant idea and we already have the baby oil ready!!:clap:

[dee]

Shall we all just have a Hen night? forget the marriage bit for now as dont think the above really exists do you?:rofl:

Count me in :clap:

[Rebecca]

I've spent the last 2-3 years since my marriage broke up / down / apart, stating that marriage is the most expensive way to ruin a perfectly good relationship. We had 7+ great years dating and then we married. . . less than a year later the affairs start, and 3 years later, divorced.

However, having recovered somewhat from the bitter intervening years I now catch myself every once in a while indulging in wedding fantasies again :eek:

It may be 2005 but those 'big day' fantasies started in us ladies a long time before they should have, and are somewhat persistent. Someone you adore declaring their love for you, and only you. . please, is there anything better?

My vote would be for every couple, whatever their life-choices (sexuality, family size and form, marriage or not) to have the opportunity to share with their loved ones (AND EACHOTHER) how much they love and respect eachother. If it takes marriage to do this then I think it's a shame.

[Baruch]

We had 7+ great years dating and then we married. . . less than a year later the affairs start, and 3 years later, divorced.
I'm sorry to hear that. However, like I said, one bad marriage doesn't discredit the whole concept of marriage. After all, it might have happened if you hadn't got married.


My vote would be for every couple, whatever their life-choices (sexuality, family size and form, marriage or not) to have the opportunity to share with their loved ones (AND EACHOTHER) how much they love and respect eachother. If it takes marriage to do this then I think it's a shame.
I don't think it's a shame at all. Marriage is a time-honoured tradition across a huge variety of cultures, so there must be something going for it. I, for one, thoroughly recommend it - but only once you have found the right person.

Marriage doesn't ruin relationships; people do. A good marriage makes the relationship stronger, as you have nowhere to run and you have to work at it when things get rough.

[Cruella]

Of course there are decent guys out there. I've been married 20 years! ( I know i got married when i was 7):rofl:
Every marriage has it's good and bad times, but trust and communication are the most important things. If you have a problem don't let it eat you up, talk about it! The longer you leave it the harder it becomes to talk about. This is when you become distant with each other and you end up not communicating at all!
Unfortunately it is all so easy for people to give into temptation, you need to keep in the back of your mind what you would be losing if you were unfaithful! Would it really be worth risking your home and life together for a quick sh*g. The statistics seem to suggest that men are the main ones to be unfaithful but i believe it is equal.:sick: I went to a friends 40th birthday meal where there were 15 married women. The conversation turned to 'affairs' i was appalled to find out that out of 15 women 12 had had an affair!!! A couple of them seem to be at it all the time, whenever they went out together they were on the pull.:angry:
I guess the fact that both myself and my husband are very easy going, we don't get stressed about the little things, therefore don't really argue, helps to have an easy marriage.
I think that a little bit of flirting is enough to keep the spice in a marriage without being unfaithful. You just need to know where to draw that line.
My dancing is my escapism, when i want ME time, i go dancing he does his sport. It works for us.:D We love each other and trust each other, he's my best friend.:flower:

[latinlover]

...............I know marriages don't work out in some cases, but that doesn't discredit marriage in itself. Speaking as a married man, getting married was one of the best things I ever did. Not that it made my life easier; in fact, the opposite is often true. It's definitely worth it if you find the right person, though. (If you're not sure, don't get married. It's too big a commitment to make just on the off-chance that it might work out.)
.................................................. .......


wow
right On Baruch :clap:
and all the rest of this post!

My sentiments exactly
repped you already and then read the learlier post !
duh!

I don't think we ARE a minority, it's just that the disaffected are more inclined to say so......................
and nobody wants to appear smug do they?

I was lucky enough to meet someone who was right for me,and lucky enough to realise it at the time!
and yes it's been hard work at times, but there's not much in life that is worthwhile that isn't hard work.
and I DO think that being married makes you try harder when things are less than perfect. That's not to say that those for whom things don't go so well are always to blame for their own situation -everyone is different.
I should also say that when I got married I felt pretty-well invincible against the rest of the world,and relieved to be out of the 'rat-race' and uncertainty of single life(I always WANTED to be married , even though my parents divorced when I was 12).
Not only had I made a commitment to my wife, but,amazingly, she had made a commitment to ME!! So of course I felt fantastic(and at the risk of hitting the slush button,I still am amazed sometimes)
So three cheers for marriage -even in the 21st century:clap:

[LMC]

Baruch and LL - I love you guys :hug: - in a totally platonic way of course

I realised I was "over" my divorce when I could contemplate, in principle, getting married again. In practice however, I'm still disillusioned - and like Lynn, sometimes think it's just easier to stay single.

You two have given me hope as well, thank you :flower:

Have either of you got single brothers by any chance? :whistle:

And I agree with Cruella - communication is critical - and has to be two way...

[Feelingpink]

As someone who photographs weddings, marriage is something that is on my mind quite a lot, although not for perhaps the same reasons as others. There have been quite a number of couples who already have children (some teenagers) and/or have been together for 15-20 years - somehow they wanted something extra.

In a church celebration of marriage, the friends and family of the couple are asked to give their support, which I think is one of the most important parts of the ceremony. I wish that civil weddings automatically included this ... and FWIW, think any decent relationship needs support and replenishment from 'outside' to make it work.

[LMC]

... FWIW, think any decent relationship needs support and replenishment from 'outside' to make it work.
:yeah:

No-one can be all things to any one person - the best suggestion I've heard is that your partner gives/gets 50% of your 'energy' and the rest - both received and given - is shared between everyone else in your life. Only works if both of you feel that way though. (note to self: make sure next husband has friends...)

[jivecat]

:yeah:

No-one can be all things to any one person - the best suggestion I've heard is that your partner gives/gets 50% of your 'energy' and the rest - both received and given - is shared between everyone else in your life. Only works if both of you feel that way though. (note to self: make sure next husband has friends...)

I think this works well as a rule of thumb for a well-balanced relationship when life is going well for both of you. But there will be many times, for example, during serious illness, when your partner needs you 100%. To me, that is the meaning of the emotional commitment of marriage and the main purpose of the formal joining of people's lives. In fact doesn't it mention something like that in the CofE marriage vows?

I'd be interested to know what the wedding contract is considered to be in other cultures. For example, does the Hindu/Jewish/Muslim marriage agreement contain explicit promises in the same way as the Christian one?

[Piglet]

Of course there are decent guys out there. I've been married 20 years! ( I know i got married when i was 7):rofl:

The statistics seem to suggest that men are the main ones to be unfaithful but i believe it is equal.:sick:
What a lovely post Cruella!:flower:

I was thinking of this thread a lot when I logged off yesterday and want to stick up for the guys a bit here. In my parents' relationship it was my mother who was unfaithful - and big time!

In both of my past 2 relationships - both a length of 5/6 years, neither one of us was unfaithful, but the relationships fell apart for different reasons.

I have lots of faith that there are lots of lovely faithful guys out there - it takes 2 to tango remember - so for every male who cheats, there's more than likely a female that does the same. I'm just surprised that there aren't any guys on here sharing their tales of woe about their women being unfaithful - or is it because its a pride thing? Whereas we women would maybe rather blame an external factor than ourselves? (Over-generalisation but you get the idea :rolleyes: )

[dee]

I have lots of faith that there are lots of lovely faithful guys out there - it takes 2 to tango remember - so for every male who cheats, there's more than likely a female that does the same. I'm just surprised that there aren't any guys on here sharing their tales of woe about their women being unfaithful - or is it because its a pride thing? Whereas we women would maybe rather blame an external factor than ourselves? (Over-generalisation but you get the idea :rolleyes: )

:yeah: I really do hope there are faithful guys out there and maybe one day i will meet one. I was with my kids dad for 6 years only to find out that he was seeing my neighbour while i was giving birth to our second child. While i was with him i never cheated once, didn't even think of it, since then i have met so many cheats that im fed up with being hurt so am taking a back seat from it all.

[Piglet]

Sorry to hear that Dee!

Maybe I've been lucky or disillusional? However, having a mother like the one I have has made me ultra suspicious of people, so maybe I have a radar that helps me find the honest ones (or I'm disillusional?)

Good luck in your search - you will find one! (And I don't need the tarot cards to help me give you that answer):flower: :hug:

[dee]

Ahhh thanks Piglet :flower: ur so sweet!!! Maybe i can borrow your radar as all i want is an honest man :tears:

[SilverFox]

I think that a little bit of flirting is enough to keep the spice in a marriage without being unfaithful. A little? :eek: :eek: :eek: *looks for choking on toast smiley*

[Rebecca]

I'm sorry to hear that. However, like I said, one bad marriage doesn't discredit the whole concept of marriage. After all, it might have happened if you hadn't got married.

Good point, it would have done I'm sure.


I don't think it's a shame at all. Marriage is a time-honoured tradition across a huge variety of cultures, so there must be something going for it. I, for one, thoroughly recommend it - but only once you have found the right person.

I should have said it's a shame if people need a wedding to be able to communicate their committment to eachother and legal means to secure it. I suppose I was thinking that sometimes people want a wedding rather than a marriage, and if that's the case then a party would do it.

However, having also gone away and thought about this thread a lot (and discussed it with friends and my boyfriend :eek: ) I'm starting to realise that sticking to well-rehearsed defences rather than admitting one's real feelings is a bit short-sighted.

I think this thread might have contributed to shifting me from the Pre-Contemplation to Contemplation stage of change. If I ever get to the Action stage I'll let you know - thank you :flower:

[Baruch]

I should have said it's a shame if people need a wedding to be able to communicate their committment to eachother and legal means to secure it. I suppose I was thinking that sometimes people want a wedding rather than a marriage, and if that's the case then a party would do it.
Indeed. Sometimes people forget that the marriage is different to the wedding. Marriage is what you have for the long haul, when the glamour and show of a wedding are just memories. You share the good times, join your life to the one you love, laugh together and all that good stuff; but you also have to cope with stuff like PMT, farts, illness, money worries and all that side of things. Both go together, and in a marriage you get the full package. You need to accept your spouse as they are, both their good and bad points, and give yourself to that person unconditionally. Anyone who isn't prepared for that shouldn't be contemplating a wedding.

[angelique]

I am sat here reading this post with great interest , especially as today is my 9th anniversary! ( I know it's hard to believe someone as young as me could have been married that long :whistle: )
I'm all alone tonight as unfortunately Mr Angelique works down in London and I'm up here in the Midlands but hey, thats life.
It made me think back to my wedding day when I really did feel like a princess and the honeymoon in a castle...:grin: And THEN the hard work began and still goes on today...like many people have said you have to keep working hard and ploughing back all your efforts into this "pot" that your life (and other's ) revolve around.
Don't get me wrong, there's been times that have been THE WORST.. (the details of which I'll keep to myself but my close friends and confidantes know what I'm on about) but thankfully,due to the complexities of the legal constraints I have stayed and we have/ still are working things out and it's a wonderful place to be in ...most days!
Marriage is a never ending,continual daily task. For some it's their choice not to start it, some find it has to end, and some stay and work at it taking the rough and the smooth. Hooray to all of you for whatever choices you make! :hug:
For me, should it ever end , wouldn't want to endure it all again! :rofl:
An easy life for me! Although I'd miss the rummaging.....:D

[bobgadjet]

It's not the pussy that's the problem, it's the claws they insert into my pre-nupts! :eek:

My (ex)wife and I, had sixteen superb years...then we met each other!. I remember the day we met well - she had long golden hair, all down her back (none on her head mind). We met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting....I still drink btw, just under a different name now :waycool: . Anyhow, I looked at her acroos the floor. I remember thinking "somebody should pick her up, or she'll choke on her own vomit!".

I can still picture the moment she cocked an eye at me....and I cocked an eye at her. There we stood, ****-eyed. She rolled her eyes at me....so I picked them up, and rolled them back to her :) .

Then there was that "first night"....she seductively rolled up her hair :drool: ....and put it under the bed :eek:

*sigh! * Oh the mammories..............

You've been watching too much Tommy Cooper, but they are still funny:grin:

[bobgadjet]

Unfortunately it is all so easy for people to give into temptation, you need to keep in the back of your mind what you would be losing if you were unfaithful!

How do you define "unfaithful" ?

Is "temptation" needed ?

If marriage is about sharing, being together, doing things together, etc etc that's all very well if it works.
Try this for size.........
After about 20 years of marriage I was trying to find JUST ONE THING that my ex-wife would be happy doing with me, as a common interest.
After trying for 8 years, YES, 8 years, she finally told me she didn't want to do anything with me, and if I wanted I could do things with somebody else, as long as I didn't bring anything home.

So I did..............would you call THAT being "unfaithful".

Anyway, after a short while of this she started hounding me about it.


Once I could stand it no longer I moved out.............and her girlfriend moved in ! !

Divorce followed, naturally, and expensively ! ! ! as I have stated on every post.

[latinlover]

[QUOTE=Cruella]I think that a little bit of flirting is enough to keep the spice in a marriage without being unfaithful. You just need to know where to draw that line. QUOTE]


Great Post Cruella.

I beg to differ on one point,however.............

I realise Susan and I are way outside the norm in not only both dancing, but in being each other's favourite dancing partner.
Of course we both flirt with others while we dance , but what is more important than flirting with strangers is to never stop flirting WITH EACH OTHER. :drool: This is an added , unexpected something which dancing together has given to us.
of course it doesn't only apply to dancing.
Doing things like dressing to be attractive to the other,as if you were still dating, is something that often gets lost in the daily grind of being married, and it's often one of the early signs of an affair in the offing, when one partner starts to suddenly take more interest in their appearance again after years of neglect.( I must admit to being guilty of not bothering for a long time, but luckily I've got away with it).
It's actually not terribly difficult to do, either,once you've cottoned on to it.Let's face it- who is attractive slobbing around in a track suit or whatever?
I could go on but I need to do some work!


Flirt,that's the answer.................
with each other!:yum:

[Cruella]

How do you define "unfaithful" ?

Is "temptation" needed ?

If marriage is about sharing, being together, doing things together, etc etc that's all very well if it works.
Try this for size.........
After about 20 years of marriage I was trying to find JUST ONE THING that my ex-wife would be happy doing with me, as a common interest.
After trying for 8 years, YES, 8 years, she finally told me she didn't want to do anything with me, and if I wanted I could do things with somebody else, as long as I didn't bring anything home.

So I did..............would you call THAT being "unfaithful".

Anyway, after a short while of this she started hounding me about it.


Once I could stand it no longer I moved out.............and her girlfriend moved in ! !

Divorce followed, naturally, and expensively ! ! ! as I have stated on every post.
It's really not clear if you mean't socially or sexually? If it was socially then no problem, it is healthy IMO for you to do things seperately and have your own friends. I have been away with members of the opposite sex when dancing and hubby has done the same for sporting comps. The key thing is we trust each other! But if you mean sexually that's different. I don't see how you can have a marriage if you are going to be sleeping with someone else, even with permission! It sounds to me that your wife wasn't happy for a long time but didn't have the courage to tell you! This could have been sorted far earlier with good communication. But the communication needs to be on both sides.:flower:

[Icey]

Flirt,that's the answer.................
with each other!:yum:

I would also add being able to laugh together. My parents have been married for more than 30 years and can still have each other on the floor with laughter.

They have set me such a good example of how to work together to get through the bad times and to throughly enjoy the good times. They're both now in their mid sixties and not as well as they could be but still manage to be the happiest couple I know.

I've seen the amount of work it takes every day to make a marriage work and I've also seen the rewards for all that hard work. Should I ever get married I want to have the same.

[under par]

Excellent posts by Baruch Cruella and Latin Lover.:worthy: :worthy:

I met Mrs Par 18 years ago and knew she was the one.
I eventually persuaded her to see me and eventually to come and live with me.
We married 13 years ago and have brought up 2 children.

I wanted to marry her to declare publicly to the world that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.:flower:

We have had our difficulties/ups and downs and we will continue to do so but we have learned to deal with them together and we talk (and shout) things through.

She is the only woman I want to be with and I love her.:drool: :kiss:

It is quite possible to be too mushy about relationships and marriage but for all the poor ones there are many good one too.
They are not easy and need constant effort to make them work but it is so worth it.

I even began this dancing lark because after she had started because I wanted to spend more time with her. (even though I have 2 left feet and found it so so so difficult).
We do so much together and still make each other laugh so much. Many people who know us consider us slightly mad because we are always up for a laugh and a joke even though we are now grandparents.:rofl: :rofl: We still flirt with each other loads:hug: :kiss: and dancing together is great fun.:clap:


I feel sorry for all those who have been hurt by others "rummaging" etc. but do not give up. And whatever you do enjoy the experience of trying to find mr or mrs perfect(who may not exist really!).

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be yourself and if that is not what another wants then that person really is not the right one for you!!

Do not miss out on experiences today waiting for the improbable/imposssible to occur tommorrow.
It is the participating in anything and everything you can, that will lead to the oppurtunity of meeting more and more people as well as fulfilling your life experiences and making you a more rounded personality. So live life to the full.:yeah: :yeah:

Whether marriage is the one and only way to declare ones love and lust for someone I don't know but it is the only way you can legally declare your unity.
Marriage will not stop infidelity or dishonesty but it may provide a solid framework for those that meet some hiccups in there relationships.

Finally i have a saying I have repeated many times to Mrs Par re other women because I like the company of women, I like to look at women, and of course dance with them.

It is perfectly reasonable to window shop as long as there is no shoplifting involved.:yeah:

[Cruella]

It is perfectly reasonable to window shop as long as there is no shoplifting involved.:yeah:

I use the same phrase, i am happy for my husband to look at other women and often say 'isn't she gorgeous' if an attractive woman is in sight. We discuss the womans merits together. He wouldn't be a normal male if he didn't look. Equally i can appreciate a good looking guy, but doesn't mean i want to jump in bed with him.
I agree with UP you can't make a person fall in love with you, you need to be yourself, warts and all. If you try to change, either of you, to make the relationship work, it never will! No relationship is all rosy, you need the bad times to appreciate the good (sounds corny i know, but true)
As for the perfect partner, again i don't think this exists! My husband and i are complete opposites. I am a very social person, i love people but don't like my own company. He would like nothing more than to be at home with his family. He's sporty, i'm not. We have different tastes in music, entertainment, hobbies, holidays, etc. But even though we are so different it works! We do share the same sense of humour though and that is one of the first things that attracted me to him.
A marriage is about compromise, i think this is maybe scary for people that have lived independent lives for a long time. I went straight from home at 20 to getting married so i have no experience of this. In my ideal world, i would be dancing every night and his would be to spend it with me. So we both compromise, i dance twice a week, he does his sport twice a week and the rest of the time we spend together. I have tried to encourage him into dancing and on the odd occasion he has come with me. Unfortunately whilst our children are young it's not practical for us to both be out at the same time. Maybe when they are older!!!
And UP i'm not surprised you fell in love with Mrs UP she is gorgeous.:hug: It is obvious to us all that you are happy together.

[Dance Demon]

So, IMO, if a couple go into marriage with an "if it doesn't work out we can get divorced" attitude, then marriage is pointless and irrelevant. But if they go into it with the view that they are making a life-time commitment, then maybe that piece of paper will make them make an effort to work things out/resolve things rather than just 'walking' at the first sign of problems.



:yeah: .......very few relationships are all sweetness and light. there will be times when you totally disagree with each other and times when you really p!55 each other off, but if the relationship isbuilt on love and a bit give and take, you can get over these times...........says DD who has been married for 27 years at the end of this month:eek: :wink:

[under par]

:yeah: .......very few relationships are all sweetness and light. there will be times when you totally disagree with each other and times when you really p!55 each other off, but if the relationship isbuilt on love and a bit give and take, you can get over these times...........says DD who has been married for 27 years at the end of this month:eek: :wink:

27 years I am so impressed, but not at all suprised.:worthy:

Have a great day when it comes John.:clap: :yeah:

[killingtime]

says DD who has been married for 27 years at the end of this month:eek: :wink:

It's a good thing you remembered the date :D.

[Dance Demon]

It's a good thing you remembered the date :D.

Hard to forget ......it's Hallowe'en............( that was so my Mother in law could come to the wedding:wink: :rofl: )

[Lynn]

Ventured back onto this thread again (partly as I'm chatting on line with a friend in Australia who is getting married next month, unfortunately can't go over to the wedding).

Really great to read some very positive things about marriage. Thanks guys. :hug:

I think that there are several reasons why marriage doesn't seem to be as 'relevant' today - and it has to do with society - not marriage itself IMO. The wedding industry has made a big fuss of the 'big day' - and I think some (girls esp) want to 'get' married but don't think as much about 'being' married. And many of the high profile figures in society seem to change marriage partners pretty frequently. And divorce looks easier than it once was (of course anyone who has been through the experience will confirm that its far from easy.:( )

Personally I still think marriage is relevant. When/if I do get married I am planning on it being a commitment for the rest of my life, I'm aware there are no guarantees, I know its good and bad, but I'm prepared to make that commitment, when I know I've found the right person to make it to.

[Baruch]

It's a good thing you remembered the date :D.
You know what they say: the best way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it once.....

[Baruch]

The wedding industry has made a big fuss of the 'big day' - and I think some (girls esp) want to 'get' married but don't think as much about 'being' married.
Indeed. What's the average cost of a wedding these days - £15000 or something daft like that, isn't it? That's crazy money. OK, so some people like a big, showy event, but it's perfectly possible to get married on a much lower budget, so you still have money after the big day. And believe me, your own wedding day goes by so quickly, it's a case of "blink and you'll miss it".

In fact, technically all you need to get married is a clergyman/registrar and two witnesses. It's just that most of us want to share the day with our families and friends, which is where the cost comes in.

[Lynn]

In fact, technically all you need to get married is a clergyman/registrar and two witnesses. It's just that most of us want to share the day with our families and friends, which is where the cost comes in. Even then, it doesn't have to - I went to a wedding where both bride and groom were students. I think a friend made her dress (green satin with gold celtic embroidery), another friend did the photographs, and the reception was in the church hall with a cold buffet and a band. It was a great party, their friends and family were all there to celebrate with them, but it didn't put them into debt.

[Baruch]

Even then, it doesn't have to - I went to a wedding where both bride and groom were students. I think a friend made her dress (green satin with gold celtic embroidery), another friend did the photographs, and the reception was in the church hall with a cold buffet and a band. It was a great party, their friends and family were all there to celebrate with them, but it didn't put them into debt.
That sounds a bit like my sister's wedding. It was a great day, the guests thoroughly enjoyed it, and it was all done for (I think) about £500 all told. They were both just out of uni so money was tight, but that didn't stop them having a good day.

[Piglet]

And believe me, your own wedding day goes by so quickly, it's a case of "blink and you'll miss it".
If you want it to last longer - get married in Shetland - I hear their weddings last the whole weekend :D Peterhead people are similar - so I've heard!

[RogerR]

Sometimes I wonder. -I DJ weddings often- One bride, so skinny she looked great in a meringue dress said that the highlight of her wedding was riding in Mickey's Glass Coach -she married at Disneyland. Her new husband spent the wedding afternoon watching the match on a pocket TV.

I have two British/Pakistani work colleagues who were taken to Pakistan and at the foot of the steps from the plane were met by the girls their parents had chosen for them to marry. Neither had planned to marry just then and though now wed neither of the boys have settled into monogamous marriage. Arranged marriage wasn't the complete answer.

I used to look for a good looking gf, now I realise that my grandparents were still happy after their Golden Wedding and could sit in the firelight just talking to each other.

[jockey]

I am in a long distance relationship with a dancer ( 2 years now) whose success absolutely depends on trust, faithfullness and honesty - and we both have all three "in spades". We love each other - so its easy...:yeah:

[Baruch]

Good for you. I've done the long-distance relationship thing, and by the end it was far from easy. By "end" I don't mean we split up: I married her, so it's not long distance any more :clap:

[Sheepman]

I am sat here reading this post with great interest , especially as today is my 9th anniversary! ..... Although I'd miss the rummaging.....:D What? Married? And still rummaging? :really:
Oh, I see, just the 9 years...:wink:

I had to really consider whether or not to post on this thread, but just because experiences are painful, doesn't mean to say it might not mean something to somebody here. My marriage has recently ended after a relationship lasting nearly 30 years. The reaction from most friends has been that they can't believe it, that "we were one of those couples who would always be together."

So why did we marry all those years ago? It wasn't a case of commitment to each other, we were quite happy to do that without any formal ceremony. And I don't think that not "making it legal" would have changed much for us. For us it was more a case of making it formal within society, and family, to give ourselves an easier life. There were also significant financial advantages at the time.

So why should things go wrong after so long, when maybe it should seem that any problem could be worked through?

Every marriage has it's good and bad times, but trust and communication are the most important things. If you have a problem don't let it eat you up, talk about it! The longer you leave it the harder it becomes to talk about. This is when you become distant with each other and you end up not communicating at all!
This is so true, perhaps some people can just gloss over a problem, ignore it and hope it goes away, because confronting it looks like being too disastrous, but even if you can do this for years and accept a situation, that resultant lack of communication becomes pervasive.


A marriage is about compromise, i think this is maybe scary for people that have lived independent lives for a long time. Also very true, but this isn't something that only applies at the beginning, personalities do change over time, and new compromises are needed in order for the future to still look good.

I also think it is important to have joint hopes for the future, this may not have to be huge life projects, (it's hard to see e.g. couples in their 80s dreaming for big changes in their lives (but why not!?))

So would I marry again?
Not yet! Give me a chance! :eek:
But yes, I would, for the same reasons as before, and as a demonstration of love for someone, (though I would hope I could do that in other ways.) Of course it is hard to see how I, or a partner, could have enough trust and faith in me to succeed, as I didn't make it first time around, but 30 years of mostly happy times isn't too bad!

Greg

[Nessa]

:( Don't write yourself off, Greg.
It takes a lot of time to have trust in yourself (and your ability to maintain a longterm relationship) back.. but they assure me it happens eventually.

:hug: :flower:

[El Salsero Gringo]

Hard to forget ......it's Hallowe'en............( that was so my Mother in law could come to the wedding:wink: :rofl: )Your mother-in-law, or hers?

[Sheepman]

:( Don't write yourself off, Greg. Don't worry, I'm not! :flower: So no need for frowning.

Greg :hug:

[TiggsTours]

My gut instinct is that the majority of women who attend Ceroc / MJ events have been married and maybe the majority of men haven't (I feel a poll coming on - it is private)

Bit of a sweeping statement, what exactly do you base that evidence on? I'd say that the average age groups in dancing, the men are a little older, so maybe alot of them have been married. Just running through all the people I know well enough to have their phone number in my mobile, I know:

10 married couples
5 unmarried couples (2 ladies & 2 men are divorced, others all single)
4 divorced men
16 single men
5 divorced women
17 single women


I'd say that all works out pretty even.

[Clive Long]

My gut instinct is that the majority of women who attend Ceroc / MJ events have been married and maybe the majority of men haven't (I feel a poll coming on - it is private)

1. Bit of a sweeping statement, 2. what exactly do you base that evidence on?
1. I agree.
2. Nothing other than gut instinct - which is what I wrote in my original post - which is why I created the poll to see if my pre-conceived ideas were wrong or right.


<< snip >>
I'd say that all works out pretty even.
And the poll shows similar results. I like the fact that Ceroc / MJ is not a singles-ghetto, although I wouldn't go if it was all cosy couples.

Best wishes,

Clive

[David Bailey]

And the poll shows similar results. I like the fact that Ceroc / MJ is not a singles-ghetto, although I wouldn't go if it was all cosy couples.
There was a brief mention of Ceroc on LBC sometime last week, and one of the descriptions was "well, it's basically a singles club really". So, there we go, all this dancing lark is just a front... :rolleyes:

[killingtime]

There was a brief mention of Ceroc on LBC sometime last week, and one of the descriptions was "well, it's basically a singles club really".

What's LBC :confused:?

[Dizzy]

What's LBC :confused:?

A London radio station, although I can't remember what LBC actually stands for :blush: .

[jivecat]

And the poll shows similar results. I like the fact that Ceroc / MJ is not a singles-ghetto, although I wouldn't go if it was all cosy couples.

Best wishes,

Clive

The poll only shows results for forum readers who are interested in ticking boxes, and may not be remotely representative of cerocers in general.

My impression is that the clientele is 60% singles including divorced/separated/unmarrieds, a fair sprinkling of couples, and quite a few women whose partners don't want to dance. There don't appear to be any lone husbands whose wives don't want to dance.

[Little Monkey]

There don't appear to be any lone husbands whose wives don't want to dance.

Got a couple of men in Dundee who's partners won't or can't dance!

[Cruella]

I also know of a few men whose wives/partners don't dance.

[Lynn]

There don't appear to be any lone husbands whose wives don't want to dance.I'm sure there are some, though I can't think of any that I know here in NI at the moment and I do know (in salsa) several women whose husbands don't want to dance. Currently in our small MJ group I think everyone is single, though that will undoubtedly change as the group gets bigger.

[Lou]

I also know of a few men whose wives/partners don't dance.
Indeed! What about our lovely Simon! :D

[Jive Brummie]

I have two 'ideals' that I like to stick to. One is Honesty, the other is Loyalty. These are two things that I've found in my partner Melanie and are also just a couple of reasons as to why we're marrying next year.

The cheating on your partner thing has never floated my boat. To the point that, over the years, having once held people in high esteem, I then found out that they're cheating on their spouse...respect for that person is now none existent. Why are they disloyal or dishonest to their partner? Sure things might have been sour at home, but if thats the case, at least have the balls to end the relationship before starting a new one.

My parents have been married over 34 years and times have been tough....many problems arriving due to a lack of work or income, they've gotten through these by continuing to work as a team and discussing things. This is something I really respect and try to put into action within my own relationship. Melanie see's me every day in every light in all sorts of moods...so why on earth would I keep anything from her. With Melanie by my side I feel like I can take on the world, she's my best friend who I can tell anything to, she's knows what makes me tick and I know what makes her tock, but without communication and trust in each other we might as well just throw in the towel.

We've lived together for over two years now and this more than anything else has really helped in the decision that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. The reason i know it's the right thing to do? Because asking her was the easiest thing I've ever done (depsite the nerves!) I guess it also helps that I love her with every inch of my soul:hug: :kiss: :flower:

JB x x

[Cruella]

Lots of luvverly stuff..........

JB x x

You're right communication and trust are key for a good relationship. It's obvious to those that know you both that you love each other and you are certainly going into marriage with the right attitude. Although I don't think that many people get married without thinking it's forever!!
I used to be like you about people being unfaithful, regularly got on my high horse if i found out someone was having an affair.
That was until 5 years ago, after 40 years of marriage, my dad left my mum for another woman.
As you can imagine this caused alot of upset and a rift in my family. After a lot of discussion with my mum and especially my dad i could understand why it happened. My Dad had fallen out of love with my mum, but had plodded along as they had been together since they were teenagers and knew no other life! He didn't go looking for someone else, Carol (now his wife) was just a friend and neighbour but they got close and fell in love.
In an ideal world all relationships would last forever or finish amicably. It is easy for us to judge that what others do is wrong but unless we are living their experiences how can we possibly understand their actions.
Ironically my dad now knows he only has 3 years to live (cancer) so this could be looked at two ways.
He could have stayed married to my mum and lived out his last few years not feeling fulfilled or he could of made the most of his remaining time with someone he is madly in love with living life to the full.

[Angelina]

Some beautiful things mentioned in this thread that emphasises that no matter what situation you are in
Love really does conquer all!
:clap:

[Double Trouble]

Getting married has lost it's appeal to me.:sad:

The first marriage was such a disaster, I don't think I could risk it going wrong again.

[the whale]

I've been really lucky. My wife is also my best mate. Some may say sad, but I like it. We've been together for about 20 years and have been married 17 years in October. I won't lie & say it's all been sweetness & light, but the good times far outway the bad. During my formative years I remember saying that I would never get married (as I was too selfish!) and that I didn't want children! We now have 2 monsters pretending to be sons! You can see the family portrait (colgate advert stylee) on my profile page. It's now gone even further as we also have the family dog to add to the equation (but no picture yet). It's been said before, but it's true... you have to work at marriage. There has to be communication, compromise, trust, connection and loads of other things, and you also have to have some luck along the way.

Marriage isn't for everyone, but in life what is? I certainly wouldn't want to force my views on to anyone else, but my missus is special (to me).

[SeriouslyAddicted]

Getting married has lost it's appeal to me.:sad:

The first marriage was such a disaster, I don't think I could risk it going wrong again.

:tears: That sounds so sad - have a :hug: I had a horrible time with my first one when that went wrong but being an old romantic at heart I still haven't lost faith in the institution of marriage

[StokeBloke]

I've been really lucky. My wife is also my best mate. Some may say sad, but I like it. We've been together for about 20 years and have been married 17 years in October. I won't lie & say it's all been sweetness & light, but the good times far outway the bad. During my formative years I remember saying that I would never get married (as I was too selfish!) and that I didn't want children! We now have 2 monsters pretending to be sons! You can see the family portrait (colgate advert stylee) on my profile page. It's now gone even further as we also have the family dog to add to the equation (but no picture yet). It's been said before, but it's true... you have to work at marriage. There has to be communication, compromise, trust, connection and loads of other things, and you also have to have some luck along the way.

Marriage isn't for everyone, but in life what is? I certainly wouldn't want to force my views on to anyone else, but my missus is special (to me).
:yeah: My wife is the most important person in my life. :awe: :awe: :awe: She figures above me on my importance scale, and as a lad I could have never even contemplated that situation happening with anyone as I was so selfish and egocentric. She has never tried to change me - although I have changed. I can see the changes in myself and they are all for the better. I look at situations and the way I handle them and I know that I am a better person because of her.

We got into dancing because it is something that she wanted to do. I arranged it to make her happy, and to see the look on her face when she found out that I was going to do something 'for her' to make her happy.
Now we have loads of fun together dancing. This is an excellent example of making a compromise/sacrifice to find out that actually something was not what you thought and had you known you would have felt different all along. There have been other examples of this - on both sides. Compromise is not necessarily a bad thing.

Life is about compromise. Why should marriage be any different? I strive to please and make my wife happy, and this results in her doing the same in return. We have been married for 12 years. I love her more today than I ever have done. I was dancing on Tuesday with a very pretty young girl. She asked how long we had been married, I said 12 years. She laughed and said that the way we were with each other had led her to think it was less than two! I took that as a huge compliment. After coming away from that dance I realised that I had this beautiful young girl in my arms and didn't give a second thought to the fact that the topic of conversation was how happy our marriage was, and how in love we both looked.

I feel secure, safe and happy in our relationship. We're both easy going because we never really have to be any different. We rarely argue, certainly not with raised voices and NEVER about money. The thought of trying to start this process all over again with someone new terrifies me.

The thought of putting everything I have at risk for a quick rummage in someone else's knickerage department is beyond comprehension. Sure we're both incorrigible flirts, we have some very steamy dances (with each other at times too :whistle: ), but that's all they are - dances. In being open about these sorts of things it eliminates the need to do it on the sly... and that is where the danger starts to creep in.

I will end by saying that if communication is the key to a good marriage, mutual respect is the keyring it hangs on.



Now let me go find Twirlie... I feel a cuddle brewing...

[dave the scaffolder]

Fair play to you both.

I am filling up here, tears in my eyes good on the pair of you.

Nice to see this much love and trust in you both.

XXX XXX DTS

This is for Stokie and TwirlieBird.

[Double Trouble]

Stokie...You made me cry.:tears:

[SeriouslyAddicted]

Me too - it is lovely that he is so openly still in love with his wife - long may it continue

[Beowulf]

Getting married has lost it's appeal to me.:sad:

The first marriage was such a disaster, I don't think I could risk it going wrong again.

I've never got there.. two engagements.. two disasters. Third time lucky perhaps :D

(assuming there will be a third time of course!)

[whitetiger1518]

Never got there - a mutually broken engagement during Uni, and a few possibles that didn't go anywhere.Ah well.

I am incorragibly blind where Love is concerned, and anyone wanting to go out with me needs to virtually trip me up and yell it in my face...:blush:

Until / If that happens I'm happy just pottering along being me :waycool: [I never was much good at Am Dram - so not much point in trying to be anyone else is there?]

Cheers

Whitetiger