How do you request a dance?

[New_to_London]

When I first started dancing Ceroc, I would make my dance request verbally. I quickly realised that the rejection rate was quite low, and I gradually became more comfortable with the process. Yet, verbal requests were fraught with problems, especially in loud venues, and I found that introducing a hand gesture would help with the process.

Eventually, however, I found that an approach based 100% on body language seemed to work best, and felt most natural. I now make my dance request by first establishing eye contact, smiling, and offering a hand, palm facing up. I don’t say a word. If I haven’t yet established eye contact, I might offer two hands instead of one, or I might touch the lady on the arm or shoulder (especially if she happens to be facing in the wrong direction). As far as I can tell, this gesture has never been mis-interpreted. It works with complete strangers, including beginners.

It has recently been suggested, however, that such a silent approach may be unappealing to some women.

I would like spur conversation on this subject. How do you like to request a dance? Are words important? When a stranger asks you to dance, how do you feel about which method he uses to do so?

[TiggsTours]

Ah, this has always been a difficult one, how to ask for a dance when verbal requests can not be heard.

It is true, some men who just offer a hand, without a verbal request, can have the appearance that they may as well have said "Come on Shep!" and yet some don't, why, who knows, its just the way things are.

I would suggest that, if you don't know the lady, offering your hand, as well as asking "Would you like to dance" is probably the safest. If she can't hear you, that doesn't really matter, its pretty obvious what your intentions are, and she'll have seen your lips move, so she'll know you're not making a command.

As for touching her on the shoulder, again, all depends. If she's deep in conversation, she could find this a bit rude, but if she's just looking the other way, and its not easy for you to get in front of her, I don't see there would ever be a problem with that, unless of course you've seen her run away and hide in the corner on your way over! :rofl:

[Little Monkey]

It is true, some men who just offer a hand, without a verbal request, can have the appearance that they may as well have said "Come on Shep!" and yet some don't, why, who knows, its just the way things are.

I would suggest that, if you don't know the lady, offering your hand, as well as asking "Would you like to dance" is probably the safest. If she can't hear you, that doesn't really matter, its pretty obvious what your intentions are, and she'll have seen your lips move, so she'll know you're not making a command.

:yeah:

I vary my ways of asking for a dance depending on how well I know the person. If it's someone I know well, I might just make eyecontact and raise an eyebrow - and then immediately break into giggles, as I'm not capable of staying serious for more than a few seconds at the time!

If it's someone I don't know so well, or not at all, I'll ask if he'd like to dance, accompanied by an offered hand and a smile!

I'm not a fan of strangers coming up to me just offering a hand witout a smile or a verbal request. A smile can make the whole difference!! I have also had people just coming up to me and grabbing my hand to pull me onto the floor, without asking first. If it's someone I know well, it's not too bad, but if it's a stranger I just back away!

So - how to ask for a dance all depends on how well you know the person you're asking, hence I can't use/ answer the poll... But I do believe a smile will make all the difference, and make people more likely to say yes!

LM

[Msfab]

Depending on who you are asking!

Someone I know well - a nod towards the direction of the dance floor! and most of the time if they are not too far away I will also ask!
Some I dont know so well - Offer hand towards the dance floor and ask would you like to dance this one?
Someone I dont know - Would you like to dance to this song?

And Dont forget to :grin: :nice: :) :D :na:

[Trousers]

I've jumped up and down on the other side of a dance floor waving at the object of my dance desire before now (and it's worked hehe)

But as they say the oldies are the best....

I like

"You dancin' ?"
"You askin'?"
"I'm askin'?"
"I'm dancin'!"

But it always makes me laugh and I always follow that up with
"That's given your age away!"

:devil: :rofl: :whistle:

[Lynn]

As we are a fairly small group here and all know each other well, its all very informal, I have even been standing chatting to a guy and we have just started dancing (and stopped chatting).

On the dance hol one guy asked me up by walking past my chair on the way to the dance floor, pausing without turning round just past my seat, and holding out his hand to me :rofl:

[LMC]

If it's a complete stranger, like the poll asks, then I would hold out my hand and say "Would you like to dance?" - as someone said ^^^ up there somewhere (too lazy to quote now I've started this) that can probably easily be lip-read.

If it's someone I know, all bets are off - I've been known to tear across the dance floor, sit on someone's knee (not both at once), go up behind guys, tap them on the shoulder then give them a wordless big grin and one or both hands when they turn round.... oh, the variations are endless if it's someone you know you're going to have a fun dance with :clap:

[Icey]

If it's someone I know, all bets are off - I've been known to tear across the dance floor, sit on someone's knee (not both at once), go up behind guys, tap them on the shoulder then give them a wordless big grin and one or both hands when they turn round.... oh, the variations are endless if it's someone you know you're going to have a fun dance with :clap:

Seeing NK legging it across the dance floor is particularly entertaining! :rofl:

On a more serious note, friends and guys I dance regularly with I can just make eye contact with them and we'll meet on the dance floor and we're away. Guys I don't know so well or I haven't met before usually hold out a hand and ask at the same time.

Unfortunately I have been grabbed and literally dragged onto the dance floor before and it's an experience I'm anxious to avoid in the future.

[Donna]

If it's a complete stranger, like the poll asks, then I would hold out my hand and say "Would you like to dance?"

This is most probably the best way to request a dance whether you know them or not. Just holding out your hand makes it so obvious what you're asking for so therefore is easier 'AND' you don't have to shout above the music.

[LMC]

Seeing NK legging it across the dance floor is particularly entertaining! :rofl:
I should hasten to add that I do only do this *between* tracks as the floor empties :eek:


Unfortunately I have been grabbed and literally dragged onto the dance floor before and it's an experience I'm anxious to avoid in the future.
:yeah:

It's particularly annoying if you've done the whole eye contact thing and had someone else lined up :mad: - because by the time you extricate yourself you *know* that your previous partner will have been grabbed by someone else... sometimes it's hard to be a woman :rofl:


This is most probably the best way to request a dance whether you know them or not. Just holding out your hand makes it so obvious what you're asking for so therefore is easier 'AND' you don't have to shout above the music.

< whispers >

Donna, I was being ironic

[TiggsTours]

Unfortunately I have been grabbed and literally dragged onto the dance floor before and it's an experience I'm anxious to avoid in the future.
I was dancing with a really good friend of mine once, and we both were really keen to have a second dance, but didn't get the chance. Suddenly, even before the last beat of the music had died away, this other woman dived between us, ignoring me, and grabbed him! I thought she was some jealous girlfriend I'd never seen before by the way she did it, he later told me he was just as shocked as I was, he'd never seen her before in his life!

[Donna]

I was dancing with a really good friend of mine once, and we both were really keen to have a second dance, but didn't get the chance. Suddenly, even before the last beat of the music had died away, this other woman dived between us, ignoring me, and grabbed him! I thought she was some jealous girlfriend I'd never seen before by the way she did it, he later told me he was just as shocked as I was, he'd never seen her before in his life!

That's happened to me as well and that really p**sed me off!!! :angry: Damn right rude!!

You should have just said something to her. I wouldn't have let her get away with that at all!!

[TiggsTours]

That's happened to me as well and that really p**sed me off!!! :angry: Damn right rude!!

You should have just said something to her. I wouldn't have let her get away with that at all!!
But I really thought it was his girlfriend, and that I'd been treading on her toes and he was in trouble. otherwise I would.

[Donna]

But I really thought it was his girlfriend, and that I'd been treading on her toes and he was in trouble. otherwise I would.

If she was acting like that anybody would have thought it was his girlfriend. Maybe she's his stalker??

[Zebra Woman]

Seeing NK legging it across the dance floor is particularly entertaining! :rofl:

On a more serious note, friends and guys I dance regularly with I can just make eye contact with them and we'll meet on the dance floor and we're away. Guys I don't know so well or I haven't met before usually hold out a hand and ask at the same time.

Unfortunately I have been grabbed and literally dragged onto the dance floor before and it's an experience I'm anxious to avoid in the future.

I don't mind being grabbed enthusiastically from behind, and I have been known to do this myself - when pushed :innocent: . But I prefer to approach from in front and ask as well as using a hand signal.

If I'm approaching from behind then I will alway defer to the person who may be in the sights of the grab-ee . This seems fair, and I respect this protocol. I don't think everyone else thinks the same way somethimes though. :angry: :tears:

Lately just for fun, if I already have made eye contact with someone in front of me and I am then grabbed from behind I just lean forwards and keep going towards my target with the grabber still hanging on. I still dance with the person who was infront of me, and the grabber from behind will have to wait. What I manage to do is not to let a grabber from behind slow me down and lose out on the one I had made the first contract with. :clap: Very pleased with the results so far. :grin:

I really don't like it when these eyes vs physical contact dilemas happen so I avoid making eye contact dance arrangements with people from a long distance unless it's a special song. :innocent:

ZW :flower:

[Clive Long]

I was dancing with a really good friend of mine once, and we both were really keen to have a second dance, but didn't get the chance. Suddenly, even before the last beat of the music had died away, this other woman dived between us, ignoring me, and grabbed him! I thought she was some jealous girlfriend I'd never seen before by the way she did it, he later told me he was just as shocked as I was, he'd never seen her before in his life!
I think this woman (http://cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3626) gets about :rofl:

Maybe not so funny when it happens to you. :blush:

Conclusion was - the guy's a scum-bag :clap:

[Purple Sparkler]

I think the offer of the hand combined with actually saying 'would you like to dance' is best- though I always respond as per Trousers' post to 'You dancin'?' because it's fun.

The most offensive are men you haven't danced with before who grab you by the arm and start steering you onto the dancefloor before you have a chance to say 'no thank you'. Not that I would, but giving you the option is more polite.

THAT SAID- best 'request' I ever had was at MJC from a friend of mine, who (being a big strong lad) grabbed me round the waist on his way past me (cue yell of surprise from me) and frogmarched me onto the dancefloor with me walking backwards (apologising to the person I was talking to when I was grabbed, and laughing my ass off) and him forwards. Makes me smile just thinking about it. :D

I would not, however, recommend this as a technique for anyone other than someone you know VERY well or dance with A LOT.

[spindr]

Make it clear who you are asking especially if your intended victim is in a group -- you need a clear voice and unambiguous eye contact. If you're walking up out of view, then maybe a quick finger on the shoulder to alert of your approach, rather than standing there waiting to be noticed -- also removes any ambiguity :)

SpinDr.

[Lynn]

Haven't voted on this, but unless its someone I know well, I wait to be asked. :blush:

I know, I know, I should ask the guys! I have sometimes almost plucked up the courage to do so, only to chicken out, or more usually for some much more proactive woman to get to him first.

[Piglet]

Think I use a variety of ways, but probably most involve something verbal and some sort of body language - usually hand or hands :flower:

[Allez-Cat]

With a complete stranger, it has to be a combination of the verbal with the hand gesture. Loud music? Then mouth the request - it becomes obvious what you're asking, even if the 'target' isn't a lip-reader. Smile? Absolutely, and the old raised eyebrows emphasise the question.

As for people you know, well NewKid summed it up really: "oh, the variations are endless if it's someone you know you're going to have a fun dance with"

But please, please be cautious with the approach from the rear, folks - I once saw a guy spin around with his elbow in defensive posture and almost taking this poor girl's head off! Maybe he was just back from service in Bosnia.....

[frodo]

I generally ask verbally.


Make it clear who you are asking especially if your intended victim is in a group...
SpinDr.
Which brings up the question. Approaching a group of complete strangers, whether to pre-select a victim, or ask generally.

[RogerR]

And having asked one person in a group, do the rest feel ranked in order of... if asked later and do they mind. Do I go back and ask another from the group or move on to another group and ask only one there.

[JoC]

Which brings up the question. Approaching a group of complete strangers, whether to pre-select a victim, or ask generally.
I'd leave that decision until quite late, wait until quite close then pick off the one who's strayed slightly further from the pack than the others, who is preferably the weakest also and less able to run away.


And having asked one person in a group, do the rest feel ranked in order of... Doubt anyone's paying that much attention in such a dynamic environment. :)

[Clive Long]

Icey said last night that in future she will click her fingers and expect immediate compliance.

What a woman ! :drool:

[ducasi]

I'd leave that decision until quite late, wait until quite close then pick off the one who's strayed slightly further from the pack than the others, who is preferably the weakest also and less able to run away. Cunning plan! :waycool:

I, too, prefer to pick off the strays from the pack, but if they are quite tightly huddled, I'll usually surrender myself to their whims, and allow them to decide who's going to be the lucky/unlucky girl/victim. (Delete as applicable.)

Doesn't always work though – sometimes they'll make you pick anyway. But that's OK, cos then I get to be selfish and pick my favourite of the bunch. :grin:


Doubt anyone's paying that much attention in such a dynamic environment. :) I'm not so sure... In a group of girls if one or two (for whatever reason :whistle:) are getting asked to dance while the others are left to watch all the time, I'd guess that'll be noticed within the group.

[JoC]

I'm not so sure... In a group of girls if one or two (for whatever reason :whistle:) are getting asked to dance while the others are left to watch all the time, I'd guess that'll be noticed within the group.Yes that probably would, but I don't think if a particular man (or woman) came along and took one lady (or gentleman) away from a group for a dance, then didn't come back for the others, it would be noticed that he (or she) in particular did that. I certainly don't think it's something the lone 'asker' should worry about.

[Yogi_Bear]

I'd leave that decision until quite late, wait until quite close then pick off the one who's strayed slightly further from the pack than the others, who is preferably the weakest also and less able to run away.

Doubt anyone's paying that much attention in such a dynamic environment. :)Intentionally or not, this is definitely a description of a predator hunting its prey. Will your dance partner equate to a satisfying meal? :D

[ducasi]

Intentionally or not, this is definitely a description of a predator hunting its prey. Will your dance partner equate to a satisfying meal? :D Yep, Jo is a real predator. Better watch out guys, she'll eat you alive! :wink:

[JoC]

...as a mouse preys on an injured rolled oat

[ducasi]

...as a mouse preys on an injured rolled oat
I'm sure to an injured rolled oat, a mouse looks terrifying! :eek:

Us injured rolled oats don't stand a chance really... :really:

[El Salsero Gringo]

I'm sure to an injured rolled oat, a mouse looks terrifying! :eek:

Us injured rolled oats don't stand a chance really... :really:That is why, fellow injured rolled oats - we need an action group. United we can stand up to those predatory mice! Together we can secure a better future for all rolled oats!

Remember brothers and sisters - let us move forward to a glorious future as one! And down with porridge!

[JoC]

That is why, fellow injured rolled oats - we need an action group. United we can stand up to those predatory mice! Together we can secure a better future for all rolled oats!

Remember brothers and sisters - let us move forward to a glorious future as one! And down with porridge!Listen little injured rolled oat, you're history, I'm having my porridge and eating it. Furthermore, can you really trust another oat in this oat eat oat world? Every mouse for themself.

[ducasi]

... Furthermore, can you really trust another oat in this oat eat oat world? ... Us oats are strict soil-based nutrition eaters, and we wouldn't want to eat porridge – unlike you scary vegetarian mice!

Four legs – bad; no legs, and a flakey appearance – good!

[David Bailey]

And having asked one person in a group, do the rest feel ranked in order of... if asked later and do they mind. Do I go back and ask another from the group or move on to another group and ask only one there.
Tricky one, but I don't think it's a big deal either way.

On a similar vein, what about if you get refused by one person in a group - do you then slink away, tail between your legs, do you ask someone else in the group or what?

Me, I'm the former - I'd never ask someone else, partially because 2 visible and consecutive refusals would cause me to shoot myself, but also because I don't want to give the "OK then, you'll have to do" impression to the 2nd girl.

Hmmm - women, how do you feel under that situation?

Possibly we're analysing this too much.

[Lynn]

Tricky one, but I don't think it's a big deal either way.

On a similar vein, what about if you get refused by one person in a group - do you then slink away, tail between your legs, do you ask someone else in the group or what?

Me, I'm the former - I'd never ask someone else, partially because 2 visible and consecutive refusals would cause me to shoot myself, but also because I don't want to give the "OK then, you'll have to do" impression to the 2nd girl.

Hmmm - women, how do you feel under that situation? If a guy asked a female friend of mine in a group and she said no I probably would smile encouraging at him so he would then ask me so that he didn't have to walk away without a dance. (I wouldn't take it that I was 'second best' - there could be lots of reasons why he would ask one of my friends first, they are all nice women!)

I would never go up to a group of guys I didn't know and ask one. :blush: - but once a friend spotted 2 guys standing at the edge of the dance floor and persuaded me to go with her and ask them - one each. Both guys said yes (I stayed up for about 3 dances and went into the blues room). Of course asking in pairs like that wouldn't be so good if one guy said yes and the other no.

[JoC]

Hmmm - women, how do you feel under that situation?Personally as a lone hunting mouse (being a top of the triangle predator) I don't work in a pack so none of this applies to me.

But, had a very happy instance of being second choice at Ashton's the other week, being a stranger in town, a good oat was pointed out to me to go ask, I hesitated fractionally because he looked as though he was headed for someone, he was, she turned him down and by the time he turned to slink away or whatever, I was there, not believing my luck, yahoo! :D (Had a storming dance too, well I did :blush: ).

(If you really want to over-analyse, is there a possibility that the other people in the group might think that you think that they're not worth dancing with if you don't ask, or that they think that you think that they think that you think that they don't want to but they do...or something).

[Lynn]

(I stayed up for about 3 dances and went into the blues room). I mean we went into the blues room after a nice dance in the main hall, we wanted to continue dancing - my friend wondered where I had gone.

Right, this thread - and the one about being shy - has made me resolved to have a go at asking guys for dances instead of waiting to be asked all evening. Of course some may say no - but they all won't - and I will therefore do more dancing! :clap:

[Lynn]

(If you really want to over-analyse, is there a possibility that the other people in the group might think that you think that they're not worth dancing with if you don't ask, or that they think that you think that they think that you think that they don't want to but they do...or something). :rofl:

[JoC]

Right, this thread - and the one about being shy - has made me resolved to have a go at asking guys for dances instead of waiting to be asked all evening. Of course some may say no - but they all won't - and I will therefore do more dancing! :clap:Go to it Lynn! Nos are too far and few between to worry about. Carpe diem and all that. :grin:

[David Bailey]

Go to it Lynn! Nos are too far and few between to worry about. Carpe diem and all that. :grin:
Fish of the day?

This is another oat thing, yes?

Oh, and :clap: to Lynn!

[JoC]

Fish of the day?

This is another oat thing, yes?
No no no! It's the name of a pub silly!

[bigdjiver]

...On a similar vein, what about if you get refused by one person in a group - do you then slink away, tail between your legs, do you ask someone else in the group or what?...This is one reason why I try not to ask ladies in groups, and if I do, it is the nearest I ask first.

[ducasi]

If a guy asked a female friend of mine in a group and she said no I probably would smile encouraging at him so he would then ask me so that he didn't have to walk away without a dance. (I wouldn't take it that I was 'second best' - there could be lots of reasons why he would ask one of my friends first, they are all nice women!) If you can do that much, could you not say "I will" after your friend has said "no"?

OK, there's a risk he might ignore or reject your offer, but surely the chances are higher that he'll accept – you know he's actually wanting to dance, and (if it were me, anyway) he'll leap at the chance to save face. :nice:

[ducasi]

This group asking thing...

In a group of experienced dancers it can be difficult to go through the whole group and make sure you've danced with each of them as invariably there's going to be at least one you never get a chance to dance with as they're too busy dancing with other folks. But everyone's dancing lots, so that's cool. :waycool:

However, with a group of beginners who are too shy to ask for dances, and not well enough known to be asked much, I will usually try to make sure that if I'm going to ask one, then I will go back and ask the rest of them in turn – it seems only polite. But also, there's a chance that if I don't they may go home without dancing very much, if at all, and that would be a tragedy for all concerned. :sad:

I guess though there's the risk they'll feel patronised. What do you think?

[Lynn]

If you can do that much, could you not say "I will" after your friend has said "no"?

OK, there's a risk he might ignore or reject your offer, but surely the chances are higher that he'll accept – you know he's actually wanting to dance, and (if it were me, anyway) he'll leap at the chance to save face. :nice: I probably would actually. I don't think any of my friends would say no in the first place unless they were sitting down feeling ill/tired/injured and if they were OK to be left I probably would offer to be the substitute!

[LMC]

Am I the only person who is thinking "b****y hell, the whole principle of asking for a dance (especially from someone who is much better than you) is traumatic enough without all this soul-searching of how you ask"

Just ask already!

A thread which even I think is too navel-gazing... that's gotta be a first.

[Lynn]

Just ask already! :yeah: We don't actually think about it like this when we are at a venue do we?

(OK, I do actually think about asking, but thinking is usually as far as it gets. Something I'm going to try and remedy. If anyone sees me sitting about too much at Southport tell me to go and ask someone!)

[LMC]

:yeah: We don't actually think about it like this when we are at a venue do we?

Hmmm, yes, maybe I did sound a bit impatient there - sorry.

But seriously, I worry more about *who* I'm going to ask than how to ask them :nice:

[Lynn]

Hmmm, yes, maybe I did sound a bit impatient there - sorry. No you didn't, its something I need to do, not sit around thinking about it - just ask!

Of course over here its totally different - its just with strangers that I'm shy! :blush:

[LMC]

No you didn't, its something I need to do, not sit around thinking about it - just ask!

Of course over here its totally different - its just with strangers that I'm shy! :blush:
:hug:

I know what you mean - I'm too much of a wallflower if I'm at a venue I don't know or feel way out of my league (i.e. there's so many *good* dancers in the room, why would they want to dance with me?).

But even so, it's the getting your nerve up to ask that's the tough bit - once you've managed that *how* to ask is not a big issue IMO ("would you like to dance?" seems to work on most guys)

[Lynn]

But even so, it's the getting your nerve up to ask that's the tough bit - once you've managed that *how* to ask is not a big issue IMO ("would you like to dance?" seems to work on most guys) True.

I'll work on the 'asking' bit.

[spindr]

But seriously, I worry more about *who* I'm going to ask than how to ask them :nice:
Hey, you can ask *me* any time :)

SpinDr.

[LMC]

Hey, you can ask *me* any time :)

SpinDr.
You're on.

How would you like to be asked?

a) the standard polite "would you like to dance?" with an outstretched hand and smile
b) the tap on the shoulder on the middle of the floor with hopeful you-don't-want-to-get-a-drink-yet-you-want-to-dance-with-me-first-please-please-please-please appealing smile (50% more women than men tonight, this method came in very useful :D )
c) the tear-across-the-floor-in-the-two-seconds-between-tracks-before-someone-else-grabs-him skid, with smile, crash optional
d) the this-track-has-nearly-ended-but-I'll-have-the-next-dance-and-I'm-going-to-sit-on-your-lap-until-then-so-you-can't-escape-ha-ha-ha with smile, hug accessory available on request


:hug: for Lynn - go for it :nice:

Has anyone else any useful methods to share?

[Lynn]

d) the this-track-has-nearly-ended-but-I'll-have-the-next-dance-and-I'm-going-to-sit-on-your-lap-until-then-so-you-can't-escape-ha-ha-ha with smile, hug accessory available on request I like the sound of this one - would it work on a complete stranger?

Only one way to find out! :whistle:

[LMC]

I have to admit that I've only ever used methods c) and d) on people I know - (at least well enough to laugh if I get refused - normally because someone else has got there first).

PS I've found that it helps if they are sat down for method d) as well...

[Lynn]

I have to admit that I've only ever used methods c) and d) on people I know - (at least well enough to laugh if I get refused - normally because someone else has got there first).

PS I've found that it helps if they are sat down for method d) as well... In our little crowd over here I don't usually let them sit down :wink: , though as we often have more men than women sometimes they have to.

A friend uses his own method with women he knows - he clicks his fingers at them and points to the dance floor! And it always works :rofl:

[DavidY]

d) the this-track-has-nearly-ended-but-I'll-have-the-next-dance-and-I'm-going-to-sit-on-your-lap-until-then-so-you-can't-escape-ha-ha-ha with smile, hug accessory available on requestI don't think anyone has ever asked me to dance using method d). :tears: :blush:

[Lynn]

I don't think anyone has ever asked me to dance using method d). :tears: :blush: You just mustn't be sitting down enough. :whistle:

[Tiggerbabe]

I don't think anyone has ever asked me to dance using method d). :tears: :blush:
Better watch out at Musselburgh then David :D

[Lory]

d) the this-track-has-nearly-ended-but-I'll-have-the-next-dance-and-I'm-going-to-sit-on-your-lap-until-then-so-you-can't-escape-ha-ha-ha

Yep :D I can see how this method would work :rofl:

[spindr]

You're on.

How would you like to be asked?

a) the standard polite "would you like to dance?" with an outstretched hand and smile
b) the tap on the shoulder on the middle of the floor with hopeful you-don't-want-to-get-a-drink-yet-you-want-to-dance-with-me-first-please-please-please-please appealing smile (50% more women than men tonight, this method came in very useful :D )
c) the tear-across-the-floor-in-the-two-seconds-between-tracks-before-someone-else-grabs-him skid, with smile, crash optional
d) the this-track-has-nearly-ended-but-I'll-have-the-next-dance-and-I'm-going-to-sit-on-your-lap-until-then-so-you-can't-escape-ha-ha-ha with smile, hug accessory available on request


:hug: for Lynn - go for it :nice:

Has anyone else any useful methods to share?
Ok, looks like I'm going to have to sit out more dances now that option (d) has been brought to my attention :)

SpinDr.

[LMC]

I don't think anyone has ever asked me to dance using method d). :tears: :blush:
You just mustn't be sitting down enough.

Ok, looks like I'm going to have to sit out more dances now that option (d) has been brought to my attention :)

Looks like we might have a solution to overcrowded dance floors here folks...

Take it in turns nicely now... ME first

[david gunn]

Think I use a variety of ways, but probably most involve something verbal and some sort of body language - usually hand or hands :flower:

You just raise one eyebrow to me (not saying which one) :hug:

Supports the theory that approx 70% of communication is non-verbal.

Wonder what percentage a raised eyebrow accounts for?

Someone on here is bound to know! :D

[DavidY]

You just mustn't be sitting down enough. :whistle:You may have a point ... last night at one stage I felt a little tired, and wasn't really into a couple of tracks that were being played (and noone had asked me) so I sat down and watched for a bit.

By the start of the 3rd track one of the regulars :flower: :hug: came across the floor to see me, sounding concerned, asking if I was OK because she reckoned it was so unusual to see me sitting down for so long. :eek:

[MartinHarper]

sounding concerned, asking if I was OK

So, was she on the pull?

[DavidY]

So, was she on the pull?No - I think she was just being a nice person. :hug:

[Alice]

So - how to ask for a dance all depends on how well you know the person you're asking, hence I can't use/ answer the poll... But I do believe a smile will make all the difference, and make people more likely to say yes!

LM
:yeah:
With friends I know well my "offer" can be anything from a raised eyebrow across the room, beckoning finger or dragging them onto the dance floor:) (he he)
With strangers or people who are in the middle of a conversation it tends to be a verbal request often with an upturned palm (in case they can't hear me!)

[thewacko]

But as they say the oldies are the best....

I like

"You dancin' ?"
"You askin'?"
"I'm askin'?"
"I'm dancin'!"


now that always works for me too

another is

"ow you get up ere and dance"

not always as successful though:innocent: don't know why:devil:

[Tiggerbabe]

I do remember, a couple of years ago at Marcos, being brave enough to go up to a gentleman I didn't know and asking him if he'd like to dance, to which he replied "Who with?" :rofl:

[Frankie_4711]

I was 'asked' in a very novel way last weekend at Storm which I rather liked (maybe not all the time, but because it was different!) - I was on my way off the floor from the previous dance and was kind of 'scooped up' from behind - I didn't even know who I was dancing with for a second or two!

[Lynn]

I was 'asked' in a very novel way last weekend at Storm which I rather liked (maybe not all the time, but because it was different!) - I was on my way off the floor from the previous dance and was kind of 'scooped up' from behind - I didn't even know who I was dancing with for a second or two!Yep, that can work for me (providing its someone I know and want to dance with!).

In the lead and follow class at Storm Franck was talking about starting to dance with someone who was out of asking range, just making eye contact and 'drawing them in'. I do this with some regular partners and sometimes I'm not even sure which one of us starts it. Its nice - you hear the music, make eye contact and you're connected from that point, even if you take your time actually getting to each other.

[Lynn]

Oops, realised the thread is about asking a stranger. :blush: Well now that I do occasionally get very bold and actually ask strangers, its with a smile and offered hand perhaps, with a word 'Dance?'. Sometimes a smile seems to be enough though. :D

[Frankie_4711]

Just realized - I didn't actually reply to the question either! I offer one hand, and sometimes just smile, raise eyebrows, and tilt head, or sometimes actually say 'would you like to dance?'

[thewacko]

I offer one hand, and sometimes just smile, raise eyebrows, and tilt head
bet you get a few funny looks - I tried that once and ended up in one of those white jackets that fasten round the back - bloomin hard to dance in them yer know the hand signals are not always that apparent

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :mad: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Genie]

:D I've met someone who makes the mistake of walking around the ladies who are sitting down and asking "Are you sitting this one out?"

I didn't get the chance to point out that this might not be the best line with which to ask some to dance.

[Alice]

Well maybe not, but I find it very useful when asking advanced guys to dance (and it saves being embarrassed when they tell you they're sitting out due to exhaustion):rolleyes:

Mostly they say yes:clap: , sometimes they say yes but in a minute:flower: , and sometimes they say no. so I just wander off and find another unsuspecting victim (oops I mean partner):devil:

[thewacko]

Well maybe not, but I find it very useful when asking advanced guys to dance (and it saves being embarrassed when they tell you they're sitting out due to exhaustion):rolleyes:

Mostly they say yes:clap: , sometimes they say yes but in a minute:flower: , and sometimes they say no. so I just wander off and find another unsuspecting victim (oops I mean partner):devil:
after seeing your photo I find any of this hard to believe . . . I bet all the men just jump or climb or crawl onto the dance floor - no matter how exhausted they are . . . just to dance with you




and if they dont let me know who they are and I will get Taz to hit em:whistle:

[Alice]

after seeing your photo I find any of this hard to believe . . . I bet all the men just jump or climb or crawl onto the dance floor - no matter how exhausted they are . . . just to dance with you




and if they dont let me know who they are and I will get Taz to hit em:whistle:
He he he... I like you already:) :clap: :cheers:

[Missy D]

I just drop my keys and they ask me:whistle:

[Whitebeard]

Women are so domineering. Twice last night, and it's happened before, I was commanded by an upturned fist and a beckoning forefinger. Come here, naughty boy, bad doggie !!

[thewacko]

Women are so domineering. Twice last night, and it's happened before, I was commanded by an upturned fist and a beckoning forefinger. Come here, naughty boy, bad doggie !!
yeah but whatabout on the dance floor:eek:

[Donna]

yeah but whatabout on the dance floor:eek:
:rofl:

[Freya]

Women are so domineering. Twice last night, and it's happened before, I was commanded by an upturned fist and a beckoning forefinger. Come here, naughty boy, bad doggie !!
Are you complaining or approving???? I'm not quite sure as to the tone of this remark :wink:

[Whitebeard]

Are you complaining or approving???? I'm not quite sure as to the tone of this remark :wink:

Am I going to complain if a lady so requests my presence - on the dancefloor - in no uncertain way and brooks no refusal ??? A hint of the dominatrix - we love it !!!

[PeteK]

Unfortunately I have been grabbed and literally dragged onto the dance floor before and it's an experience I'm anxious to avoid in the future.


Must admit I've had this happen also and I'm not a big fan of it (unless it's someone I know well and is doing it somewhat tongue in cheek, in which case it's great). I favour a simple 'would you like to dance' .

[Freya]

Am I going to complain if a lady so requests my presence - on the dancefloor - in no uncertain way and brooks no refusal ??? A hint of the dominatrix - we love it !!!

Well that clears that up! We didn't want any unecessary arguments now did We???? :wink:

[Merovingian]

Usually: Would you like to dance, mostly acompanied with a hand gesture.

... if in the middle of a conversation and a fantastic number kicks in, I might just offer my hand or raise and eyebrow, with a smile on my face that gives away what's on my mind.

I rarely resort to dragging someone to the dance floor, but then I don't mind being dragged to the dance floor myself.

When in doubt, I sometimes (frequently when I was very very new) tried the following: "Are you resting, or would you like to practice/dance?" (or variations on this theme)

[Twirly]

c) the tear-across-the-floor-in-the-two-seconds-between-tracks-before-someone-else-grabs-him skid, with smile, crash optional


I actually used this method (not having read about it beforehand though!) last night as after three crap dances I decided that I should go and ask someone I knew I could dance well with. The chap in question is rarely off the dancefloor, so I spotted my "prey", lined myself up and grabbed him quick before he got dancing with someone else. First time I've ever done that mind you!

I have a tendency to wait to be asked - think it's the friend I go with, who refuses point blank to ask a guy to dance, and she's influenced me (and not in a good way). But when I do ask it's the hand held out and usually the verbal request although sometimes the hand gets taken before I get a chance to speak which is nice. But I'm too scared to ask most of the really good dancers - figure if they ask me and I can't follow them it's less embarrassing than if I ask them (thus implying that I'm good enough to dance with them) and then **** it all up! Does anyone else feel like this?

As for friend referred to above - she called me a brazen hussy (apparently jokingly, but am not so sure really) for asking two guys to dance last night! :mad: Feeling slightly miffed but keep telling myself that I got the better dances (and hence will improve more).

[Merovingian]

But I'm too scared to ask most of the really good dancers - figure if they ask me and I can't follow them it's less embarrassing than if I ask them (thus implying that I'm good enough to dance with them) and then **** it all up! Does anyone else feel like this?


All the time ... but I suppose if you never dance with someone with good frame etc., you'll take longer to improve. And if you only dance with one or two other people, they would get used to you, and compensate without even thinking about it, with same results.

So once in a while I swallow hard and ask someone i'm scared to dance with :)

[Frankie_4711]

But I'm too scared to ask most of the really good dancers - figure if they ask me and I can't follow them it's less embarrassing than if I ask them (thus implying that I'm good enough to dance with them) and then **** it all up! Does anyone else feel like this?

Get that feeling ALL the time, but I (mostly!) don't let it stop me asking! As you say, it's the best way to improve. There are only 2 guys I can think of that I want to dance with and haven't - 1 is just because I can't seem to grab him quick enough (highly in demand!!) and the other ... well, OK I'm scared - he's just too good!!! One day though I WILL dance with him!

Oh, and I make sure I ask my teachers to dance too!


As for friend referred to above - she called me a brazen hussy (apparently jokingly, but am not so sure really) for asking two guys to dance last night! :mad: Feeling slightly miffed but keep telling myself that I got the better dances (and hence will improve more).

The cheek of it!!! If you're a brazen hussy for asking for two dances, I dread to think what she'd call me - I ask for almost every dance I get (which is every dance there is!!) and if I don't do the asking, it's only by accident that someone has managed to sneak up and ask me before I've had to chance to spot my prey!!

[Lynn]

I have a tendency to wait to be asked This is usually like me too - with occasional exceptions (when I do start asking, I will rush across the floor to grab someone, anyone!). Not at my local venue - there I ask a lot, but when I'm away from home I can be a bit shy. :innocent: :blush:

But I'm too scared to ask most of the really good dancers - figure if they ask me and I can't follow them it's less embarrassing than if I ask them (thus implying that I'm good enough to dance with them) and then **** it all up! Does anyone else feel like this?Frequently. I usually wait till they ask me. This also means that I know they have chosen to dance with me and it makes me feel more confident and therefore more relaxed and I dance better!

[Twirly]

I've been doing some work on this since I last posted, and wondered if my thought process might be useful for some of the more shy and retiring types, and see if the guys (or women who have to do all the asking normally) agree/have comments.

I noticed that some guys who used to ask me (and the friend mentioned above) to dance in my regular venues didn't anymore - they said hello and were nice and friendly, but no dances. I wondered why. Then it occurred to me that although they had probably asked me a dozen or more times, I'd never asked them. So I put myself in their shoes - if I asked someone to dance even three or four times, and they never asked me back, how would I feel, and would I still be inclined to ask them to dance? I'd realised that I'd assume that the other person didn't like dancing with me as they hadn't asked me back, and that I'd probably stop asking them... :eek:

Suddenly, asking for a dance didn't seem so terrifying, particularly of those guys whom I've danced with before. So I've been practising, and although it's still a bit nerve wracking, I'm getting better and better at it, and even asking strangers now :grin: :clap:

I even tried this train of thought out on my friend - she looked quite horrified at the thought and agreed with me. She's planning on making a change to her attitude, and maybe even ask a guy to dance :grin: I even took her to task about calling me a brazen hussy - she has no recollection of doing it! :rofl: :rofl:

[johnthehappyguy]

I've been doing some work on this since I last posted, and wondered if my thought process might be useful for some of the more shy and retiring types, and see if the guys (or women who have to do all the asking normally) agree/have comments.

I noticed that some guys who used to ask me (and the friend mentioned above) to dance in my regular venues didn't anymore - they said hello and were nice and friendly, but no dances. I wondered why. Then it occurred to me that although they had probably asked me a dozen or more times, I'd never asked them. So I put myself in their shoes - if I asked someone to dance even three or four times, and they never asked me back, how would I feel, and would I still be inclined to ask them to dance? I'd realised that I'd assume that the other person didn't like dancing with me as they hadn't asked me back, and that I'd probably stop asking them... :eek:

Suddenly, asking for a dance didn't seem so terrifying, particularly of those guys whom I've danced with before. So I've been practising, and although it's still a bit nerve wracking, I'm getting better and better at it, and even asking strangers now :grin: :clap:

I even tried this train of thought out on my friend - she looked quite horrified at the thought and agreed with me. She's planning on making a change to her attitude, and maybe even ask a guy to dance :grin: I even took her to task about calling me a brazen hussy - she has no recollection of doing it! :rofl: :rofl:

:yeah:



John:nice: