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murphy
17th-August-2005, 09:55 AM
Last night I went off on my own to try out a new venue and the results were very positive - its near to home, good facilities, nice floor etc.
The only downside is that not one single person asked me to dance. :tears:
I'm not very confident most of the time and it takes me time to build up the nerve to ask a man to dance (unless I know them, and then I drag them kicking and screaming onto the floor). :rofl:

So I ask for your help....
1) does a woman sitting on her own put people off approaching?
2) what tricks could I try next week to "attract attention"?
3) I don't believe anyone will admit to this, but do you only dance with the pretty people? :whistle: (I know how you like a good discussion on this site!!)

If anyone can give me some pointers (or point me to another thread on the site) I'd be most grateful... :worthy:

P.S. FYI - I did actually ask a few men for a dance...

TiggsTours
17th-August-2005, 10:04 AM
Last night I went off on my own to try out a new venue and the results were very positive - its near to home, good facilities, nice floor etc.
The only downside is that not one single person asked me to dance. :tears:
I'm not very confident most of the time and it takes me time to build up the nerve to ask a man to dance (unless I know them, and then I drag them kicking and screaming onto the floor). :rofl:


Quite normal. I don't think its just the girls who find it hard to do the asking, but I do think we tend to find it harder.



1) does a woman sitting on her own put people off approaching?
2) what tricks could I try next week to "attract attention"?


I think it does, yes. I always find I get asked to dance alot more when I'm standing up!

Try dancing on the side on your own, that always gets attention!



3) I don't believe anyone will admit to this, but do you only dance with the pretty people? :whistle: (I know how you like a good discussion on this site!!)

DEFINATELY! :angry: I don't care what any of you guys say, but its true!

I get told all the time that I'm a fabulous dancer, people really enjoy dancing with me, and on a very regular basis get told I'm the best dancer there that night, I was the best dance they've had all night (praise heaped on me on a very regular basis) but I have plenty of nights sitting on the side, desperatly trying to grab a guy for a dance, and have never been asked to compete in a competition!

So why is it that there are other girls I know that I've been told are awkward to dance with, and difficult to lead, but extremely gorgeous, who dance all night long, have a queue of men waiting to dance with them, and always get asked to do competitions with the best male dancers!

Guys, you're either lying to me, or yourselves! :whistle:

LMC
17th-August-2005, 10:09 AM
Well done for going on your own - I used to go on my own to places quite a lot and it's always hard.

Did you do the classes? I always find those a great time to "connect" with people - a few words and ask them if you can have a dance later - especially if you've had a bit of a laugh with confusion over an intermediate move.

I don't think a lone woman puts people off, but "body language" is critical - easier said than done, but try not to look uncomfortable (e.g. arms folded, looking a bit worried).

I would also say give it a couple of weeks - as your face gets 'known' then it should get easier. If it doesn't, find another venue (there is one fairly close to me which just isn't as friendly as the one on the same night which is 40 minutes drive... guess which one I go to now!)

Just had a sneaky peek at your previous posts and see that you were at Twyford - there was a whole 'gang' from the forum there! Sorry not to meet you :( Everyone has been lovely to me (still a relative beginner), if you see from the social events thread that there are a number of people from here going to a night that you are going to then drop one of them a message, I'm sure they will be happy to introduce you to people :flower:

Bex
17th-August-2005, 10:10 AM
Hi Murphy,

You might get noticed a bit more if you stood at the edge of the dancefloor rather than sitting down, for example I'd be more likely to ask a guy to dance if he was standing rather than sitting for some reason, but then that's just me :confused:

It is a bit scarey being in a new venue, where a lot of the regulars know each other, but you need to remember that they were new there once too :flower:

Also, eye contact and a little smile always helps and makes you more approachable, but be brave and get up there and ask those guys too!! I'm sure they won't say no, but if they do :mad: , they're not worth dancing with anyway :D !

Good luck,
Bex

robd
17th-August-2005, 10:16 AM
DEFINATELY! :angry: I don't care what any of you guys say, but its true!
Guys, you're either lying to me, or yourselves! :whistle:

Quote looks a bit out of context but it's early enough in the thread I hope.

I can't actually see too many men denying this.
If you're attracted to someone then a dance is going to offer the man an opportunty to
a) Show off and try to impress her
b) Get closer to her than any other social opportunity is likely to allow

I realise this makes me sound like someone from Sleaze-R-Us but I don't mean to and I am not talking about inappropriate handling (though some men may try a few more UCP moves with people they find more attractive). I do try to make a point of dancing with the people who tend not to get asked too often but will also try to dance with the people in demand, whether for their looks or ability or both.

Robert

David Bailey
17th-August-2005, 10:22 AM
Hi Murphy!


The only downside is that not one single person asked me to dance. :tears:
This is probably fairly common (I believe), and is not something to worry about. It's mainly because they don't know you, not for any "sitting on their own" reason. People don't like to take a risk...

Attention-grabbing tricks (of the legal variety) are things like standing up, on the edge of the floor, perhaps tapping your toe to the music.


I don't believe anyone will admit to this, but do you only dance with the pretty people?
Hey, I'll admit anything, some of it even true.

This is one of those "no-right-answer" questions ("Does my bum look big in this?" being another). However, I'll attempt speak for myself here.

The main thing I look for in a dance is a good dance. Therefore, I'll always be biased towards the people who I believe I'll get a good dance with. Generally, this means I'll choose to dance with the best dancers who'll put up with me. This is my main and first criteria.

This also means I'll often prefer dancing with people I know are good dancers, rather than with unknown quanitities - again, this may be a factor with a new face at any venue.

If I didn't know the lady, my next criteria would be attitude - does she look like she'll be fun to dance with?

However, if it came down to a hypothetical choice between two unknown dancers, both equal in every other way (attitude, fitness etc.) except looks, then I'd probably prefer to dance with the pretty one.

Bear in mind that's a long long way from saying "I only want to dance with the pretty ones". But looks are at least third on my list. I'd always avoid a gorgeous-but-very-poor-dancer in favour of a less-gorgeous-but-better-dancer.

And I'm ugly myself of course :tears:

stewart38
17th-August-2005, 10:23 AM
Quote looks a bit out of context but it's early enough in the thread I hope.

I can't actually see too many men denying this.
If you're attracted to someone then a dance is going to offer the man an opportunty to
a) Show off and try to impress her
b) Get closer to her than any other social opportunity is likely to allow

I realise this makes me sound like someone from Sleaze-R-Us but I don't mean to and I am not talking about inappropriate handling (though some men may try a few more UCP moves with people they find more attractive). I do try to make a point of dancing with the people who tend not to get asked too often but will also try to dance with the people in demand, whether for their looks or ability or both.

Robert

I think a lot of it is self re-inforcing (is there such a word ?)

People who stand look good smile etc etc are likely to be asked more then people who sit in corner looking glum (unless their good look of course :whistle: )

David Bailey
17th-August-2005, 10:36 AM
Wa-hey, this is what I call a thread already :clap:


I get told all the time that I'm a fabulous dancer, people really enjoy dancing with me, and on a very regular basis get told I'm the best dancer there that night, I was the best dance they've had all night (praise heaped on me on a very regular basis) but I have plenty of nights sitting on the side, desperatly trying to grab a guy for a dance
In a more-women-than-men venue (i.e. 95% of them), most women will experience this. I've seen some truly awesome dancers sitting out several dances in a row at some places. That's just the way it is, until Ceroc tries to market more aggressively to men.


and have never been asked to compete in a competition!
Fair enough, but competitions are a different kettle of fish. They have a high visual content by definition, so "how you look" will always be a factor. Again, that's the way it is. But competions are Evil anyway...


So why is it that there are other girls I know that I've been told are awkward to dance with, and difficult to lead, but extremely gorgeous, who dance all night long, have a queue of men waiting to dance with them
Ah, but do they have a queue of good dancers waiting for them?


and always get asked to do competitions with the best male dancers!
Again, competitions are different - we're talking about social / club dancing here.


(though some men may try a few more UCP moves with people they find more attractive).
Hmmm, you know something - with me, it's the opposite? I feel less comfortable doing UCP with a new person if I find her attractive? Strange really.


Well done for going on your own - I used to go on my own to places
I almost always go on my own, but that's because I'm a miserable git and usually fall out with my travelling companions on the way back. Or several days later, possibly :rolleyes:

Andy McGregor
17th-August-2005, 10:38 AM
My best advice is to do the lesson, introduce yourself to the men as you go around, tell them you're there for your first time and generally be friendly. Also, smile and stand at the side of the dance floor (although this can be worse if you don't get asked :tears: ). The other thing I've had women tell me is that they get asked to dance more if they wear a dress or a skirt.

N.B. I know Murphy isn't complaining about not being asked, but her problem reminds me of a situation I had recently. A woman who comes dancing from time to time came to our classes. I smiled and said "hello Sarah, nice to see you" but didn't get time to dance with her as we had loads of beginners in that night. About 3 months later I bumped into her at another organiser's dance. I said I hadn't seen her for a while to which she answered "I'm never coming back to your classes because nobody asked me to dance!". I asked her "did you ask anyone to dance? and her answer was "of course not!". This is, of course, hypocrisy of the most obvious kind. To damn every guy in the room because they did to her what she was doing to them could even be construed as sexist.

But, I did learn an important lesson. You can't remind people often enough that they should ask everyone to dance. And since I've been reminding people to ask strangers I've had a lot of feedback about how friendly our classes are :clap:

Andy McGregor
17th-August-2005, 10:43 AM
Fair enough, but competitions are a different kettle of fish. They have a high visual content by definition, so "how you look" will always be a factor. Steve Lampert

(aka The Tramp)

TiggsTours
17th-August-2005, 10:44 AM
Ah, but do they have a queue of good dancers waiting for them?

YES! :angry: :tears:


competitions are different

Surely the idea of competition is that you want to win, surely you're best chance then is to get the best partner possible. I agree that look is important, but I'm not exactly a dog! :angry: Whereas girls that are more gorgeous than me (I'm not a supermodel either) but are not very good dancers do get asked!

I'm not angling to be asked here, I don't really have any interest in competition, I'm just saying that alot of guys are really shallow. (Sits back and prepares for backlash!

You always find that the guys being queued for at dance venues are the best dancers, no matter how they look, whereas the girls who don't stop dancing all night are the gorgeous ones, no matter what their dance ability is. Monday night, a guy I know, who is a fab dancer, made me wait for 3 tracks for him, so he could dance all 3 with a total beginner, then only gave me half a dance!

David Bailey
17th-August-2005, 11:00 AM
Steve Lampert

(aka The Tramp)
Well, I'll trump you with Adam Nathanson - but note the difference between "A factor" and "The main factor".

Dancing extremely well always helps in both situations...


YES! :angry: :tears:
Well, not knowing the venue I can't comment. But it's not usual IMO.


Surely the idea of competition is that you want to win, surely you're best chance then is to get the best partner possible.
I repeat, note the difference between "A factor" and "The main factor". Presentation is a component of competitions - that's the rules. But why should you care? Competitions are Evil anyway :whistle:

I'm not angling to be asked here, I don't really have any interest in competition
Yay, good for you!


I'm just saying that alot of guys are really shallow.
Yep - as are a lot of girls. I could make a similar argument about some guys, and girls choosing to dance with them based on, ahem, non-dance-related factors, but I won't, because I'm above that sort of thing.

Must keep a straight face... must keep a straight face...


You always find that the guys being queued for at dance venues are the best dancers, no matter how they look
Possibly, I dunno, no-one ever queues for me :tears:

Well, Murphy, if nothing else, you now know you're not alone... :grin:

MartinHarper
17th-August-2005, 11:01 AM
I get told all the time that I'm a fabulous dancer ... other girls I know that I've been told are awkward to dance with....

I find that dancers tend to emphasise the positive and refrain from giving unsolicited negative feedback. I'm wary of placing much store in what people say.

The biggest factor in how much I get asked to dance is how well I know the people at the venue. Nothing else seems to make much impact.

Andy McGregor
17th-August-2005, 11:03 AM
Surely the idea of competition is that you want to win, surely you're best chance then is to get the best partner possible. I agree that look is important, but I'm not exactly a dog! :angry: Whereas girls that are more gorgeous than me (I'm not a supermodel either) but are not very good dancers do get asked!See N.B. in my above post. Don't coplain about not being asked to do competitions. Ask somebody to do a competition with you. I get asked to do competitions with women from time to time. If I've not got a partner already I say yes. Just ask the best dancer you know - I did this with Nina and was surprised that she said 'yes'. After she said words to the effect of "Andy who?".



I'm just saying that alot of guys are really shallow.Hands up anyone who finds this surprising!


You always find that the guys being queued for at dance venues are the best dancers, no matter how they look, whereas the girls who don't stop dancing all night are the gorgeous ones, no matter what their dance ability is. Monday night, a guy I know, who is a fab dancer, made me wait for 3 tracks for him, so he could dance all 3 with a total beginner, then only gave me half a dance!Speaking for myself, I try to ask every woman in the room to dance, especially if I'm at a new venue. I just start at one corner and work my way around the room asking women who are sitting or standing at the side of the floor that I've not danced with (I very rarely get asked to dance by women that don't know me, probably because I'm short, balding and old). Sometimes I manage to grab a woman who's walking off the floor.

At the end of the night I usually have a look around to see who I've missed. It's nomally the pretty ones. I think that's because I rarely see them available. And here is the plus about not competing with the pretty ones: they rarely get to choose who they dance with. Guys dance with pretty girls solely because of how they look. Which means the pretty girls have to dance all night with all the shallow guys and pervs :sick: The girls that don't get hit on in this way get to choose their partners and I have one thing to say to them - PICK ME!! :flower:

TiggsTours
17th-August-2005, 11:07 AM
Well, not knowing the venue I can't comment. But it's not usual IMO.

ALL OF THEM!!! :angry: :angry: :angry:

DianaS
17th-August-2005, 11:08 AM
Last night I went off on my own to try out a new venue and the results were very positive - its near to home, good facilities, nice floor etc.
The only downside is that not one single person asked me to dance. :tears:
I'm not very confident most of the time and it takes me time to build up the nerve to ask a man to dance (unless I know them, and then I drag them kicking and screaming onto the floor). :rofl:

So I ask for your help....
1) does a woman sitting on her own put people off approaching?
2) what tricks could I try next week to "attract attention"?
3) I don't believe anyone will admit to this, but do you only dance with the pretty people? :whistle: (I know how you like a good discussion on this site!!)

If anyone can give me some pointers (or point me to another thread on the site) I'd be most grateful... :worthy:

P.S. FYI - I did actually ask a few men for a dance...
Hi Murphy
I know exactly how you felt! I went ot Rugby on my own and felt practically naked! BUT as a kind of precaution I enlisted two trusted forumites who said on the furum they were going just to wave to me and introduce me to a coupla people if they had a minute. These cuppla paople passed me on to another couple a people and I had to hide for a rest in the bar!!

Its awful isn't it like your first day at school!
Good luck :cheers:

Andy McGregor
17th-August-2005, 11:10 AM
Well, I'll trump you with Adam Nathanson - but note the difference between "A factor" and "The main factor".I didn't know Adam did competitions. Besides, IMHO, Steve Lampert scores lower in the dance beauty stakes because Adam is the perfect height for a dancer at 5' 7" :innocent: :whistle:

Clive Long
17th-August-2005, 11:14 AM
I'll write from my perspective - it's all been covered above - so expect nothing original - but this may make you feel more reassured about the (simple) workings of the male mind - since you are getting it from different sources.

Thinks ...... which women do I dance with :confused:

(in no particular order)

1. If the woman is standing on the side of the dance floor, and kind of jigging about, then she is primed and "ready to go". Almost always I will get an enjoyable dance.

2. However, I will occasionally dive into the darker corners to pick out someone who is sitting, sitting, waiting, waiting. Usually she lights up, not because its me but because someone has asked her to dance.

3.If a woman looks sullen or angry that will put me right off.

4. Looking at the various cracks and puffiness developing on my face I would be very conceited to judge any woman's appearance. I have my prefernces about which type of woman I find attractive - but that bears no relation to the quality of dance I get. So if I'm there for dancing rather than romancing looks really don't come into it.

5. If I get asked to dance I will normally say yes. :innocent: Old, old ground I know, but one of the glories of MJ is that women can go on their own, and feel safe and secure to go straight up to a man (or a woman if that's your thang) and "interact" (can't think of a better way to put it). But of course "a dance is just a dance" (yeah, yeah, yeah)

6. If I met someone in the class and felt she was a decent dancer or a lorra, lorra, laffs, I will head for her like a guided missile in freestyle. Classes are good "mixers".

As covered many times before, a woman will normally have to sit out more because of the gender ratio at a dance. You have to:

7. Become more assertive
8. Smile
9. Develop a thicker skin
10. Give up dance and take up knitting.

Sorry - I wish there was a silver bullet.

Clive

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 11:16 AM
I didn't know Adam did competitions. Besides, IMHO, Steve Lampert scores lower in the dance beauty stakes because Adam is the perfect height for a dancer at 5' 7" :innocent: :whistle:Let's be honest, since he partnered you in DT, Steve's always been playing catch-up in the beauty stakes... :whistle:

JoC
17th-August-2005, 11:18 AM
Hi Murphy!

Apart from the standing near the dance floor looking happy advice, I'd say just keep doing lots of asking!!! (Hopefully you get what you give eventually :) .)

Could also try wearing bright eye-catching clothes. I've rambled on about this before but I think sometimes you stand a better chance of getting noticed, and therefore asked to dance if you're wearing something a bit bold, it's like a visual hook.

Or you could do something crazy with your hair. A while back there was a thread on what men notice first about women (I'd post a link if I had time to find it) and I seem to remember hair ranked quite highly.

Being visible has to be half the battle!

under par
17th-August-2005, 11:35 AM
Hi Murphy!



However, if it came down to a hypothetical choice between two unknown dancers, both equal in every other way (attitude, fitness etc.) except looks, then I'd probably prefer to dance with the pretty one.


Pretty in whose opinion?

The old adage of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"


I know that the 21st century candy floss magazines and media perpetrate the myth that there is lack of beauty in any person who isn't Kate Moss or some other super model type.

This myth is also perpetuated in the male model adonis with six pack to a lesser extent.

Most of the adult population do not fit into this myth like proprtion and are made to feel inadequate as a result.

The adult male psyche is now only supposed to fancy stick insects...what a load of b******s.

Just as many stick insects are not very nice people as there are in the rest of the population size ranges.

In dancing the myth will exist in both men and women in their choice of dance partner when there are no other ponderables ie; good dancer or friend.

So rightly or wrongly lots of dancers will make a prereference for a candy floss type first over quality of dancer at a new venue or where there are new persons at the venue.

Murphy if you sit down at a modern jive venue it is normally seen as a lack of enthusiasm, a lack of confidence or lack of interest in the next dance(if I need to towell down or need a rest I sit down to indicate this)or you are just having a good old gossip with your friends.

To enthuse and show your confident interest in wanting to be asked to dance be upstanding at side of the dance floor, or walk slowly around side of dancefloor attempting to get eye contact with as many men as possible (candy floss or not!!) indicating your availabilty(to dance!)







And I'm ugly myself of course :tears:

I think you are candy floss :wink:

stewart38
17th-August-2005, 11:35 AM
Wa-hey, this is what I call a thread already :clap:


In a more-women-than-men venue (i.e. 95% of them), most women will experience this. I've seen some truly awesome dancers sitting out several dances in a row at some places. That's just the way it is, until Ceroc tries to market more aggressively to men.



In south east

10yrs ago there was always more women then men

18 months ago seem to be more men then women

Now seems to be more women then men

It varies

The problem is women generally dont like asking men to dance

Ive stood out for 3 dances and 'waited' to be asked and if not ill just ask

There are one or two women ive seen who as far as I know have never ever asked a man to dance, ive tend to avoid them now days. For reasons given above.

I assume the rejection rate of 2 or 3% is the same for men as women ?

I get declined about 1 time in 30 for a dance ? with Formuates it can be higher :sad:

Lou
17th-August-2005, 11:40 AM
It's my experience that, pure and simply, some venues are just friendlier than others. I often go to freestyles & classes on my own. I rarely get asked to dance in Swindon or Gloucester, and have to do all the asking myself. However, I've not found anywhere more welcoming and friendly recently than Worcester. :clap:

Maybe it's geographical location? Do the classes get friendlier as you head northwards? :whistle:

Trish
17th-August-2005, 11:40 AM
So I ask for your help....
1) does a woman sitting on her own put people off approaching?
2) what tricks could I try next week to "attract attention"?
3) I don't believe anyone will admit to this, but do you only dance with the pretty people? :whistle: (I know how you like a good discussion on this site!!)

If anyone can give me some pointers (or point me to another thread on the site) I'd be most grateful... :worthy:



I hardly ever get asked to dance these days either - but that's because I always do the asking! The way I see it is that men have generally got (if anything) more fragile egos than women, and therefore like the rest of us need an ego boost. Therefore, they are going to be flattered if an enthusiastic looking, smiley woman asked them to dance and say yes. This works even better if she's danced with them in class and can give them the compliment of telling them she picked them out particularly as a good dancer. So this is what I'd try if I were you. What have you go to lose? Even if half the guys you ask turn you down (which won't happen), you still end up dance to half the songs.

Oh and learn to lead - there are always lots of ladies who would love to dance with you (and a few men who like following)!

TiggsTours
17th-August-2005, 11:40 AM
Just as many stick insects are not very nice people as there are in the rest of the population size ranges.


And herein lies the truth! Inner beauty is far more important, yes, but to see that you must get to know the person inside! How do you see the inner beauty when you are far too blinded by the outer beauty sitting next to her to go looking!

Dizzy
17th-August-2005, 11:42 AM
Hi Murphy

I know EXACTLY how you feel!! :hug:
I found it really hard in the first few months of started dancing to ask men to dance. I think that it helped a lot that I dance at various different venues, especially ones where men are quite limited and women are in competition so I had to build some confidence fast!! :tears:

I think that the best way to get men to ask you to dance is to go to the venue regularly, do the beginners class so that you can familiarise yourselves with the attending men and then both you and the guys will remember each other.

I started going to my nearest venue when I started dancing and had real trouble asking men to dance. I took a break from that venue for a few weeks recently and returned there last week - all the men were asking me to dance. If that can happen to me then I am sure you will have no problems. :clap:

Donna
17th-August-2005, 11:48 AM
Quite normal. I don't think its just the girls who find it hard to do the asking, but I do think we tend to find it harder.

i found it hard to start off with but now I just ask. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.


I always find I get asked to dance alot more when I'm standing up!

It just makes you look as though you're up for it. I have noticed those sitting down don't get as many dances cuz it gives guys the impression that they most probably can't be bothered or they are having a break.

under par
17th-August-2005, 11:50 AM
It's my experience that, pure and simply, some venues are just friendlier than others. I often go to freestyles & classes on my own. I rarely get asked to dance in Swindon or Gloucester, and have to do all the asking myself. However, I've not found anywhere more welcoming and friendly recently than Worcester. :clap:

As well as location it is really strange how Mrs Par doesn't get asked to dance as many times when I am "with" her. When we are seen as a couple!!!

(Except for a few of our regular venues where everyone knows us) if we sit or stand together she doesnt get asked much.

If we make conscious effort not to spend too much time together then Mrs Par gets lots more dance requests !!!


Maybe it's geographical location? Do the classes get friendlier as you head northwards? :whistle:

No I can't believe that cos Andy Magregors class is almost in the english channel and itis as friendlier place as you could want to visit. :cheers:

David Bailey
17th-August-2005, 11:56 AM
ALL OF THEM!!! :angry: :angry: :angry:
Hmmm... Well, Finchley isn't, that's the only one I can comment on with any real authority; I don't go enough to any others to observe behaviour. I don't think Ashtons is, but I could be wrong.


Adam is the perfect height for a dancer at 5' 7" :innocent: :whistle:

Close. But I think you'll find that 5'6.5" is exactly the ideal height for a dancer.

But I forgive you the mistake, it's probably difficult for you to think, what with the strain on your heart needed to pump the blood up that high to your brain...


Pretty in whose opinion?
The question was phrased that way, I replied that way - totally agree that "attractive" is a better word, because that implies the obvious subjectivity of any such judgements.


I think you are candy floss :wink:
Hah - I'd have to work hard to get a one-pack...

LMC
17th-August-2005, 12:06 PM
I don't think venues should be judged on one visit.

If
- I'm in a depressed state AND/OR
- I don't know many people at a venue AND/OR
- The dancing is of a really high standard and I'm concerned I might 'bore' someone

then I will ask fewer people. But I will always behave as if I want to be asked - standing, or at least leaning forward if I'm sat down, smiling, etc.

If
- I'm feeling good about myself/in a good mood AND/OR
- It's one of my regular venues AND/OR
- I know loads of people AND/OR
- I'm in my "comfort zone" as far as music and dancing standards are concerned

Then I'm thicker-skinned, I'll ask anyone to dance, and frequently behave like an outrageous flirt.

Any or all of these factors may be present in any combination and are subject to change without notice (I'm a woman, I'm inconsistent).

Seriously, as a dancer of only 3 months standing, I've struggled with a lot of this, and still do, more frequently than I would like to admit.

As a couple of people have already said, there are no easy answers, you just have to get out there and get on with it.

Andreas
17th-August-2005, 12:19 PM
1) does a woman sitting on her own put people off approaching?

One of the worst things you can do if you are looking for a dance is SIT DOWN! I hardly ever look at people who sit down. If I pick somebody then it is usually somebody who is standing and looking like they are really keen to get moving!


3) I don't believe anyone will admit to this, but do you only dance with the pretty people? :whistle: (I know how you like a good discussion on this site!!)

Doesn't worry me too much. I don't mind dancing with a stunning lady but the risk of having a bad dance is significantly increased because a lot (?) of those pretty things do put a lot of emphasis on looking pretty rather than spend all their energy dancing.

Andy McGregor
17th-August-2005, 12:26 PM
Close. But I think you'll find that 5'6.5" is exactly the ideal height for a dancer. I think you will find there is a rounding effect. To the nearest inch 5' 6.5"* is 5' 7"

*it may be that I'm currently slightly shorter than 5' 7" as I was dropped on my head last night during a backward somersault** :sick:

stewart38
17th-August-2005, 12:27 PM
Hmmm... Well, Finchley isn't, that's the only one I can comment on with any real authority; I don't go enough to any others to observe behaviour. I don't think Ashtons is, but I could be wrong.



Close. But I think you'll find that 5'6.5" is exactly the ideal height for a dancer.

But I forgive you the mistake, it's probably difficult for you to think, what with the strain on your heart needed to pump the blood up that high to your brain...


The question was phrased that way, I replied that way - totally agree that "attractive" is a better word, because that implies the obvious subjectivity of any such judgements.


Hah - I'd have to work hard to get a one-pack...

I think Ealing is one of the least friendliest places I ever danced with but fairly cliquey, if id been a women !!!

re dancing with SHORT people that's on a different thread :sick:

Andy McGregor
17th-August-2005, 12:34 PM
Doesn't worry me too much. I don't mind dancing with a stunning lady but the risk of having a bad dance is significantly increased because a lot (?) of those pretty things do put a lot of emphasis on looking pretty rather than spend all their energy dancing.I agree with this. There are stunning women with brains and nice natures - but there are many who think they are a princess who can call on men to do their every bidding - and there are guys that do it no matter how demanding the request. The worst thing is that it's other guys that create these needy Princesses - I do my best to redress the balance by treating women the same, no matter how they look. Which means I treat them all like they are an angel*, which is two orders higher than Princess :flower:

*they only become Goddesses when they can dance too :wink:

Donna
17th-August-2005, 12:44 PM
As well as location it is really strange how Mrs Par doesn't get asked to dance as many times when I am "with" her. When we are seen as a couple!!!

Maybe the guys are scared of you?? :D



If we make conscious effort not to spend too much time together then Mrs Par gets lots more dance requests !!!

Strange that...from what I've heard you're a big bloke anyway!! I'm not surprised they don't approach her!! :grin:


No

JoC
17th-August-2005, 01:18 PM
there are many who think they are a princess who can call on men to do their every bidding - and there are guys that do it no matter how demanding the request. The worst thing is that it's other guys that create these needy Princesses :Really? I can't think of a single lady I know that would fit this description, but I suppose it's something another female might not be sensitive to as these bids are made to men. What sort of requests are we talking???

Icey
17th-August-2005, 01:38 PM
Hi Murphy

I've only been dancing a few months and found that I had to get over the "having to ask guys for a dance" thing quickly or I would spend the evening standing at the sidelines.

To start with I had a very short of guys that I felt comfortable asking for a dance with. I've found lately that being asked to dance and asking someone to dance of an evening is pretty much evens now. If I go to a freestyle where I don't know the majority of people there I will just ask anyone. If I have a good dance I'll try to get another one later, if not so good and I'm being yanked around or thrown about rather ferociously it's simply on to the next.

Several of my friends have come along and then stopped as they didn't like to for dances and complained that they weren't asked to dance. Like NK says, sometimes you have to flirt outrageously, move quickly and grab the nearest guy before another girl does or just wait out the song and prepare your tactics for the next track.

Lynn
17th-August-2005, 02:02 PM
I'm really shy about asking guys to dance. Even guys who have asked me in the past. If its someone I know well its totally different of course! So I am usually in the 'know everyone really well' situation here in NI (and also feel a lot more confident here) where I will ask any and preferably all the guys, or I'm somewhere like Southport where there are loads of men I don't know at all and I don't ask anyone.

In the latter situation I have found that sitting back from the dance floor is the worst possible thing to do. Standing near the edge scanning the crowd isn't great either - I suppose you might either look desperate or look like you are looking for a specific person - either way you are less likely to be asked. Standing looking relaxed and enjoying the music is much better.

However I noticed that if I was asked up for a dance, I often was getting asked for another as I was going off the floor back to my seat. Or as I was going to get a drink of water. So sometimes if I want a dance but am too shy to ask, as a new track is starting I walk leisurely round the edge (safely) of the dance floor, hopefully looking friendly and sometimes get 'intercepted' for a dance! Its definitely better than sitting down!

Does anyone else do this, or is it just me?

(And yes, I know I should be more pro-active and ask, but I really am a shy wee thing! :blush: )

New_to_London
17th-August-2005, 02:15 PM
1) does a woman sitting on her own put people off approaching?
Absolutely not!! At least, not in my case. In fact, I will go out of my way into dark corners in order to find potential dance partners. And, I have many-a-time found a partner who had not been asked to dance by anyone else that evening, and who was obviously quite pleased that I asked her to dance.

That said, I think my rejection rate is a lot higher (probably 10% to 20%) when I do this, since many woman will sit away from the dance floor in order to *avoid* being asked to dance, and I will deliberately ignore apparent negative body language.


2) what tricks could I try next week to "attract attention"?
1. Standing up or sitting close to the edge of the dance floor certainly helps.

2. Moving to the music, even if only slightly, not only catches visual attention, but subconsciously suggests that you are ready to dance.

3. Establishing eye contact helps enormously. Many people take looking away as a sign that they don’t want to be asked to dance. (I usually ignore this.)

4. A regular dance partner of mine recently asked for a dance by holding out her hand in my direction, and flirtatiously jiggling her wrist. I could see it half way across the dance floor, and it was psychologically *very* effective! I don’t know how well it would work with a complete stranger, but it is worth a try.

5. Wear attractive clothing that catches attention. Red and black seem to be the most effective colours. A low-cut, revealing dress also helps, depending on the woman’s figure. A skirt can help, especially if it is the type rises up when you spin the woman around. :-)

6. If you still don’t get asked to dance, just walk onto the dance floor as the song ends, and hold your hands out to an available man. You don’t have to say anything--he’ll get the message. You might get a few rejections this way, but you will dramatically increase your chances of a dance.


3) I don't believe anyone will admit to this, but do you only dance with the pretty people? :whistle:
I will freely admit that I usually choose to dance with the more attractive ladies, even if they don’t dance as well as some of the others. Often, I will be extra patient, and adjust my style of lead, and choose easier moves, in order to make the dance appear smoother. I will also dance with complete beginners. If you go to almost any venue, it will be quite obvious that the more attractive ladies get asked to dance *much* more often.

That said, I will also dance with less attractive ladies who I know are good dancers, so that I can practice the more advanced moves, and reinforce good form and style. When I choose to do this is largely a matter of opportunity (i.e., who is available).

My best advice on this front is to try to do things that will improve your appearance.

Cruella
17th-August-2005, 02:29 PM
I will freely admit that I usually choose to dance with the more attractive ladies, even if they don’t dance as well as some of the others. Often, I will be extra patient, and adjust my style of lead, and choose easier moves, in order to make the dance appear smoother. I will also dance with complete beginners. If you go to almost any venue, it will be quite obvious that the more attractive ladies get asked to dance *much* more often.

That said, I will also dance with less attractive ladies who I know are good dancers, so that I can practice the more advanced moves, and reinforce good form and style. When I choose to do this is largely a matter of opportunity (i.e., who is available).

My best advice on this front is to try to do things that will improve your appearance.

Well it's lucky for you that us ladies aren't as shallow as to only dance with the more attractive men!! I guess this shows that you are on the pull? rather than there for the dancing. I personally would prefer to dance with someone that is there to enjoy the dance more than the socialising. That way i know i'm going to have a more enjoyable dance. But could be because i'm happily married and am dancing because i love it. I'll give you credit for being so honest, because as you say the attractive ladies do seem to get asked alot more. Strangely though most men will deny that the womans looks have anything to do with why they ask certain women. :whistle:
I'll just have to carry on doing the asking i guess. :(

TiggsTours
17th-August-2005, 02:32 PM
Well it's lucky for you that us ladies aren't as shallow as to only dance with the more attractive men!! (

Let's be honest, that's partly because we have less opportunity! :wink:

stewart38
17th-August-2005, 02:32 PM
Well it's lucky for you that us ladies aren't as shallow as to only dance with the more attractive men!! I guess this shows that you are on the pull? rather than there for the dancing. I personally would prefer to dance with someone that is there to enjoy the dance more than the socialising. That way i know i'm going to have a more enjoyable dance. But could be because i'm happily married and am dancing because i love it. I'll give you credit for being so honest, because as you say the attractive ladies do seem to get asked alot more. Strangely though most men will deny that the womans looks have anything to do with why they ask certain women. :whistle:
I'll just have to carry on doing the asking i guess. :(


your married :what: not asking you again :whistle:

Cruella
17th-August-2005, 02:38 PM
your married :what: not asking you again :whistle:
Only been married for 20 years, nothing too heavy. :D

Cruella
17th-August-2005, 02:38 PM
Let's be honest, that's partly because we have less opportunity! :wink:
Cutting but true!!

David Bailey
17th-August-2005, 02:39 PM
Well it's lucky for you that us ladies aren't as shallow as to only dance with the more attractive men!!
Can I just say:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Strangely though most men will deny that the womans looks have anything to do with why they ask certain women. :whistle:
Looks play a part with me - but, as I said, below attitude, and way way below dancing ability.

under par
17th-August-2005, 02:46 PM
Only been married for 20 years, nothing too heavy. :D


Under Par sinks to knees and holds head in his hands :tears: :tears: sobbing heard......"married.....no......can't be true....." sob sob :flower:

Lynn
17th-August-2005, 02:47 PM
Looks play a part with me - but, as I said, below attitude, and way way below dancing ability.I'm not going to comment on the looks issue for women (aware that looks are not my strong point :tears: :rofl: ) but I did once notice a guy standing at the edge a fair bit - I noticed he wasn't asking that many women up and almost asked him for the simple reason that he might have been less confident to ask ladies as he wasn't the best looking in the room. (But I was still too shy!)

Donna
17th-August-2005, 02:47 PM
Can I just say:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Looks play a part with me - but, as I said, below attitude, and way way below dancing ability.

See cruella....he's denying it!!! :rofl:

stewart38
17th-August-2005, 02:53 PM
Under Par sinks to knees and holds head in his hands :tears: :tears: sobbing heard......"married.....no......can't be true....." sob sob :flower:


It should be 24yrs just waiting for a chance :sick:

But who the F*** is Alice

Im a human being so looks come into it but its dancing ability everytime for me as well .

Im finding it harder to find good dancers now (apart from weekenders /holidays etc)

David Bailey
17th-August-2005, 02:56 PM
Under Par sinks to knees and holds head in his hands :tears: :tears: sobbing heard......"married.....no......can't be true....." sob sob :flower:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Next you'll be telling me that Lory's married... :eek:

bigdjiver
17th-August-2005, 03:07 PM
I would reinforce the stand up, move to the music, eye contact, and smile messages.

A few times an evening I will puposely look for the sad and neglected, but few people want to be asked for a dance on those criteria. Being on the large side, and past my "best before" I will look for the larger and older "wallflowers". Demeaning language aside, I usually enjoy those dances. I love to share the love of dance.

JoC
17th-August-2005, 03:16 PM
I ask men who look available (for a dance), vulnerable, or have strayed within reach, or who don't manage to swerve as they inadvertently walk towards me. If you start thinking about looks you stray into realms too complicated for me when all I want is a dance.

New_to_London
17th-August-2005, 03:31 PM
Well it's lucky for you that us ladies aren't as shallow as to only dance with the more attractive men!! ... [snip] ...I'll give you credit for being so honest, because as you say the attractive ladies do seem to get asked alot more. Strangely though most men will deny that the womans looks have anything to do with why they ask certain women. :whistle:
(
Most men will lie through their teeth about appearance, and similar issues. I’m perfectly happy to give an honest answer, even though that gets me into hot water, sometimes. :-)

It really has nothing to do with being “shallow.” That is just the way men are. What men find attractive in the opposite gender is quite different from what women find attractive. Men are influenced very much by physical appearance. Women, on the other hand, are attracted by other qualities.

Would it be “shallow” for a woman to find a man unappealing because his shoes and belt don’t match, he talks in a whiny voice, he is a nerd, he hasn’t cut his hair in 6 months, and he holds you a little too close for comfort?

Lynn
17th-August-2005, 03:34 PM
It really has nothing to do with being “shallow.” That is just the way men are. What men find attractive in the opposite gender is quite different from what women find attractive. Men are influenced very much by physical appearance. Women, on the other hand, are attracted by other qualities. But when you are out to dance then attraction isn't really part of the equation - yes its nice when there is some 'chemisty' and it can add to the dance, but its not the key issue.


Would it be “shallow” for a woman to find a man unappealing because his shoes and belt don’t match, he talks in a whiny voice, he is a nerd, he hasn’t cut his hair in 6 months, and he holds you a little too close for comfort? Different issues there - appearance doesn't make a difference to the dance - holding too close for comfort would but that isn't about looks - that's behaviour - very different!

Donna
17th-August-2005, 03:36 PM
I would reinforce the stand up, move to the music, eye contact, and smile messages.

Some people find this hard to do thought when they're deep in concentration.

Jooles
17th-August-2005, 03:57 PM
What a truly depressing post from New_to_London.

Can it really be true that male dancers are influenced by a skirt that rides up when you spin or a display of cleavage.

When you say you are New_to_London, I wonder where you have come from.....the dark ages perhaps.

Donna
17th-August-2005, 04:02 PM
Can it really be true that male dancers are influenced by a skirt that rides up when you spin or a display of cleavage.

You'll be surprised. One woman had a very short skirt on once and I overheard this guy saying 'phhwoar i've gotta have a dance with her'.(I actually know this guy and he's usually the shy sort too!!) Plus I'm sure she had more dances then any other women in that venue.


When you say you are New_to_London, I wonder where you have come from.....the dark ages perhaps.

:rofl:

New_to_London
17th-August-2005, 04:03 PM
But when you are out to dance then attraction isn't really part of the equation - yes its nice when there is some 'chemisty' and it can add to the dance, but its not the key issue.If all you are doing is practising dance moves, then attraction is not a big factor. But, if you really want to enjoy the dance experience, then ‘chemistry’ can certainly turn a nice dance into one that makes you think, “wow!”


Different issues there - appearance doesn't make a difference to the dance - holding too close for comfort would but that isn't about looks - that's behaviour - very different!It may be convenient to point these out as being different issues, but they stem from the same root: what men and women find attractive (or unattractive) in the opposite gender. It would be rather hypocritical to argue that a male focus on physical appearance is “shallow”, yet deny that a female focus on certain behaviours is not equally “shallow.”

Donna
17th-August-2005, 04:08 PM
If all you are doing is practising dance moves, then attraction is not a big factor. But, if you really want to enjoy the dance experience, then ‘chemistry’ can certainly turn a nice dance into one that makes you think, “wow!”

:yeah:

TiggsTours
17th-August-2005, 04:11 PM
If all you are doing is practising dance moves, then attraction is not a big factor. But, if you really want to enjoy the dance experience, then ‘chemistry’ can certainly turn a nice dance into one that makes you think, “wow!”

It may be convenient to point these out as being different issues, but they stem from the same root: what men and women find attractive (or unattractive) in the opposite gender. It would be rather hypocritical to argue that a male focus on physical appearance is “shallow”, yet deny that a female focus on certain behaviours is not equally “shallow.”

I would feel far more chemistry with a guy who was a fab dancer, and not attractive, than with Brad Pitt if he couldn't, and that's the truth! Off the dance floor is a whole new issue, but when I'm dancing, its the dancing that's important, and nothing else! I'm not saying that if Brad Pitt danced like a god there wouldn't be even more chemistry, obviously there would, but if he couldn't dance, I wouldn't be queuing!

And as for the "holding too tight for comfort" thing, that has nothing to do with attractiveness, that's just inconsiderate and rude, and that is something I would object to both on and off the floor!

Lynn
17th-August-2005, 04:12 PM
It may be convenient to point these out as being different issues, but they stem from the same root: what men and women find attractive (or unattractive) in the opposite gender. It would be rather hypocritical to argue that a male focus on physical appearance is “shallow”, yet deny that a female focus on certain behaviours is not equally “shallow.”I agree that attraction is different for men and women. A good dance will make a guy more 'attractive' to me.

But I still think a guy holding a woman closer than she is comfortable with is a different issue than 'attractiveness'. And I don't think it would be fair to call a woman 'shallow' because she didn't want a second dance with such a person. :mad:

New_to_London
17th-August-2005, 04:14 PM
When you say you are New_to_London, I wonder where you have come from.....the dark ages perhaps.LOL!! Well.....I did recently learn the “flashy caveman exit,” which I think is a pretty cool move. :-)

New_to_London
17th-August-2005, 04:26 PM
I agree that attraction is different for men and women. A good dance will make a guy more 'attractive' to me.This may very well be the number one reason why men are willing to endure the pain of learning how to dance Ceroc. :-)

David Bailey
17th-August-2005, 04:31 PM
Can it really be true that male dancers are influenced by a skirt that rides up when you spin or a display of cleavage.
Wa-hey :)

Of course we are. Why do you think women wear such clothes in the first place?

But there's a massive Grand Canyon-sized gap between "influenced by" and "controlled by". And, at least to me, dance ability is the equivalent of 38DD, long legs, short skirt, you name it.

Lynn
17th-August-2005, 04:34 PM
But there's a massive Grand Canyon-sized gap between "influenced by" and "controlled by". And, at least to me, dance ability is the equivalent of 38DD, long legs, short skirt, you name it.So dance ability makes women more attractive to men and men more attractive to women.

Women also wear skimpier clothes and skirts when dancing for the very practical benefit that they are nice and cool. :whistle:

Cruella
17th-August-2005, 04:35 PM
This may very well be the number one reason why men are willing to endure the pain of learning how to dance Ceroc. :-)
I agree, there are some guys on the dance scene that are fab dancers and always seem to have the most gorgeous girlfriends. Where, to be honest, if they didn't dance i don't think they would have quite so much luck with the fairer sex. :whistle:
Chemistry is something you can have during a dance without being attracted to the partner off the dancefloor. You are in love with them for about 3 minutes but as soon as the music ends so does that feeling i'm afraid.

Donna
17th-August-2005, 04:39 PM
So dance ability makes women more attractive to men and men more attractive to women.

Women also wear skimpier clothes and skirts when dancing for the very practical benefit that they are nice and cool. :whistle:

And easier to move in!! :nice:

Andy McGregor
17th-August-2005, 04:41 PM
Can it really be true that male dancers are influenced by a skirt that rides up when you spin or a display of cleavage.I'm afraid it's how us guys are hard-wired :innocent:

We really can't help noticing a nicely turned ankle :wink: But, what makes us new men or not is what we do about it. I try to let it have no influence on my behavior towards women. On the other hand, whiny, needy behavior sends me in the opposite direction.

Having said all that, I was at a party a few years ago where we'd been told to "wear what you dare" :what: Two of the women had gone topless except for body paint. I didn't even notice until one of them put on a sleeveless cardy that didn't go with the paint on her arms - I think Sue's putting something in my drinks :sick:

Andy McGregor
17th-August-2005, 04:43 PM
Women also wear skimpier clothes and skirts when dancing for the very practical benefit that they are nice and cool. :whistle:Not just the women :devil: However, I find dancing in tights produces a very hot, moist area that I don't like to think about :sick:

MartinHarper
17th-August-2005, 04:44 PM
(continuing the rampant gender stereotyping)


it's lucky for you that us ladies aren't as shallow as to only dance with the more attractive men

As long as women use more cosmetics than men, have more clothes (and shoes!) than men, pay more attention to the way they look than men, and kill themselves with eating disorders more than men, they should avoid bragging about how "deep" they are.

Several guys have posted to the forum about how their primary aim in dance is to "show off their partner". How many women could say the same?

Donna
17th-August-2005, 04:49 PM
[QUOTE=Andy McGregor]

Having said all that, I was at a party a few years ago where we'd been told to "wear what you dare" :what: Two of the women had gone topless except for body paint.[QUOTE]

Now that is an EXCELLENT idea Andy!!!!!! I might just mention this to a couple of venue organisers up here and give that a shot! It would be such a good laugh although I'm not entirely sure about just wearing body paint. It would have to be waterproof because then the men would be covered in it as well. :D

Andy McGregor
17th-August-2005, 04:57 PM
Now that is an EXCELLENT idea Andy!!!!!! I might just mention this to a couple of venue organisers up here and give that a shot! It would be such a good laugh although I'm not entirely sure about just wearing body paint. It would have to be waterproof because then the men would be covered in it as well. :DThe best women's outfits were wedding dresses. One lady even cut hers down to become a wedding mini-skirt :clap:

Lory
17th-August-2005, 04:58 PM
I will freely admit that I usually choose to dance with the more attractive ladies, even if they don’t dance as well as some of the others. Often, I will be extra patient, and adjust my style of lead, and choose easier moves, in order to make the dance appear smoother. ~snip~
That said, I will also dance with less attractive ladies who I know are good dancers, so that I can practice the more advanced moves,
So, one can be pretty and rubbish OR Ugly and good? ;)

Just don't be Ugly AND RUBBISH! :devil:

.................................................. .................................................

Anyway Murphy :flower:

I think you have to ask yourself a question...

What would YOU look for when choosing a partner?

I have to admit, my eye will usually be attracted to the dance floor its self, and who's on it, I hardly ever look at the seats, unless I pass someone I already know!

I'll probably head the for the person who looks like they're having the most fun.. and who'll give me the most fun

Sadly, I do think we're all 'pre-programmed' to NOTICE the people we're attracted to, above people who are neutral to us but once over the initial meeting, I don't think it makes much difference! :)

I'm afraid I think you've got to expect to have to put in some work yourself and do all the asking for a while, at least until people get to know you, then once you've danced with them a couple of times, hopefully, they'll come and ask you. :clap: :hug:

Maybe you could play a game with yourself and invent a 'new dancing persona' give yourself a new name make that person the way you want to be...then, it won't be YOU getting up, being brazen and asking men..... it's ****? :wink:

El Salsero Gringo
17th-August-2005, 05:21 PM
You'll be surprised. One woman had a very short skirt on once and I overheard this guy saying 'phhwoar i've gotta have a dance with her'.The trouble is, you don't get a good view if you're dancing. You need to be watching from the side...

However, since
skimpier clothes and skirts when dancing [have] the very practical benefit that they are nice and cool. I might just have to give them a try.

under par
17th-August-2005, 05:27 PM
The trouble is, you don't get a good view if you're dancing. You need to be watching from the side...

.


....and sat cross legged on the floor if you cannot manage lying down at that venue. :flower: :drool:

El Salsero Gringo
17th-August-2005, 05:30 PM
....and sat cross legged on the floor if you cannot manage lying down at that venue. :flower: :drool:...or wearing very shiny shoes...

Actually, that reminds me of a very disappointing moment in freestyle recently was when I backed out of an obvious dip with a girl, muttering under my breath about how I couldn't do that move because her dress was too short. She said, "don't worry, I'm wearing hot-pants" - and suddenly a whole source of interest in the dance was extinguished at a stroke.

JoC
17th-August-2005, 05:31 PM
Why do you think women wear such clothes in the first place? Escape to alternative frivolous dancing persona? Out of the suit or some such dreary daytime garb into spangly glittering daft outfit at night? (Says she who is exceedingly apprehensive about possibly wearing a skirt slightly above the knee in a couple of weeks time, but ho-hum in the name of silly fun!)

JoC
17th-August-2005, 05:34 PM
....and sat cross legged on the floor if you cannot manage lying down at that venue. :flower: :drool:
Now if you did that whilst wearing a short skirt the playing field might be somewhat levelled.

Russell Saxby
17th-August-2005, 05:38 PM
Last night I went off on my own to try out a new venue and the results were very positive - its near to home, good facilities, nice floor etc.
The only downside is that not one single person asked me to dance. :tears:


Hi Murphy - you going to let us know where you dance so that we can look out for you, I am sure if some of the men on the forum know you are going to be at a particular venue / night they will look out for you.

Russell

under par
17th-August-2005, 05:41 PM
Now if you did that whilst wearing a short skirt the playing field might be somewhat levelled. :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush:

spindr
17th-August-2005, 05:42 PM
There's some excellent advice at the ceroc wiki (http://www.cerocwiki.com/index.php/Dancing_With_Confidence#Getting_Asked_To_Dance) :whistle:

And you can add to it if you have better ideas :)

SpinDr.

Lou
17th-August-2005, 05:49 PM
Maybe you could play a game with yourself and invent a 'new dancing persona' give yourself a new name make that person the way you want to be...then, it won't be YOU getting up, being brazen and asking men..... it's ****? :wink:
:rofl: Good idea - and being shy, I've already tried it. Trouble is, my other persona gets more dances than I do! :wink:

(and phone numbers, emails, etc...... :rolleyes: :whistle: )

Andreas
17th-August-2005, 08:51 PM
*it may be that I'm currently slightly shorter than 5' 7" as I was dropped on my head last night during a backward somersault** :sick:
What do you mean you 'were dropped when doing a somersault'? As far as I am familiar with the somersault it is a move that you do on your own, hence you also fall on your own. Only one to blame. :na:


agree with this. There are stunning women with brains and nice natures - but there are many who think they are a princess who can call on men to do their every bidding - and there are guys that do it no matter how demanding the request. The worst thing is that it's other guys that create these needy Princesses - I do my best to redress the balance by treating women the same, no matter how they look. Which means I treat them all like they are an angel*, which is two orders higher than Princess

*they only become Goddesses when they can dance too

:yeah:

JoC
17th-August-2005, 09:11 PM
What do you mean you 'were dropped when doing a somersault'? As far as I am familiar with the somersault it is a move that you do on your own, hence you also fall on your own.I was at a baby aerials workshop recently where a somersault was taught that sounds like what AMcG may have been indulging in... essentially the lead does whatever bit of lead it takes to get the follower to their right side, then one arm acts as a pivot for the follow while the other sort of propels the follow up and round in a backwards somersault around the right arm (the follower also possibly jumps a little? I didn't partake so I don't know the details). But it was definitely a somersault and definitely for two people to perform. Looked like a lot of strain on the leads arms!!!

Andreas
17th-August-2005, 09:15 PM
I was at a baby aerials workshop recently where a somersault was taught that sounds like what AMcG may have been indulging in... essentially the lead does whatever bit of lead it takes to get the follower to their right side, then one arm acts as a pivot for the follow while the other sort of propels the follow up and round in a backwards somersault around the right arm (the follower also possibly jumps a little? I didn't partake so I don't know the details). But it was definitely a somersault and definitely for two people to perform. Looked like a lot of strain on the leads arms!!!

I know the aerial but he as a guy should be at the serving end, not the receiving :rofl: It shouldn't be all that much strain for as long as the follower actually attempts to do the move, i.e. jumps. Essentially the aerial is the way a backwards somersault is being taught in gymnastics to start with.

:flower:

JoC
17th-August-2005, 09:24 PM
I know the aerial but he as a guy should be at the serving end, not the receiving :rofl:
Andy McGregor is clearly a very open-minded individual when it comes to such matters as what's for a lady and what's for a man. If you scan back for a little photographic evidence I'm sure you'll find some somewhere :whistle:

JoC
17th-August-2005, 09:26 PM
ps interesting use of the word 'serving' there, you've not been brainwashed by a needy princess have you? ;) (Alternatively it also makes me think of animal husbandry... )

Andreas
17th-August-2005, 09:33 PM
Andy McGregor is clearly a very open-minded individual when it comes to such matters as what's for a lady and what's for a man. If you scan back for a little photographic evidence I'm sure you'll find some somewhere :whistle:

:rofl: yes, I have seen that evidence :rofl:


ps interesting use of the word 'serving' there, you've not been brainwashed by a needy princess have you? (Alternatively it also makes me think of animal husbandry...

luckily my princess is relatively low maintenance :drool:

DavidY
17th-August-2005, 10:55 PM
However I noticed that if I was asked up for a dance, I often was getting asked for another as I was going off the floor back to my seat. Or as I was going to get a drink of water. So sometimes if I want a dance but am too shy to ask, as a new track is starting I walk leisurely round the edge (safely) of the dance floor, hopefully looking friendly and sometimes get 'intercepted' for a dance! Its definitely better than sitting down!

Does anyone else do this, or is it just me?I have a variation on this -start from a far corner, then as the next track ends, just start walking through the middle of the dance floor amongst all the people who've just been dancing (noone notices that you haven't), & hope to get intercepted.

Another idea (dunno if it works though) - as early as you can, try to get a dance with a good dancer somewhere "on show". My theory is that people think "if he/she is dancing with x then maybe he/she is good" & are more likely to ask.

angelique
18th-August-2005, 12:26 AM
:yeah:
I sooooooooo hear what you are saying about this. It's a phenomena that has flummaxed me during the time that I have been dancing too! :sad:
If I don't do 99.9% of the asking then I would be sat out on my larry all night long...it would be like I was invisible.
I have asked trusted friends (and if truthful) even total non-dancing strangers why, oh why, no-one asks me to dance :rofl:
I haven't heard a satisfactory answer yet as to how this could be,even from a psychologist friend of mine who is on here :wink:
I've even considered wearing a placard round my neck that says "Please ask me to dance cos then I feel like a Princess" and on the few occasions when it does I go home floating on air :clap:
Granted I am no oil-painting but I can put a few steps together if led :wink: and I can have GREAT fun during the track so where am I going wrong? please be kind in your answers :rofl:
So am off to practise my mantra..."would you like to dance, would you like to dance, would you like to dance " until the day arrives when somebody asks me to dance, then tells me I AM A GODDESS!!!!! :eek: :rofl: :rofl:

Gary
18th-August-2005, 02:11 AM
...
Doesn't worry me too much. I don't mind dancing with a stunning lady but the risk of having a bad dance is significantly increased because a lot (?) of those pretty things do put a lot of emphasis on looking pretty rather than spend all their energy dancing.
Sometimes pretty girls don't bother learning to follow properly, but more often they get to a higher level faster because they (generally) get to dance with more/better guys. I've also noticed the same thing with good-looking guys -- they get a lot more help and attention from the better girl dancers (partly due to increased confidence).

Gary
18th-August-2005, 02:12 AM
...
Can it really be true that male dancers are influenced by a skirt that rides up when you spin or a display of cleavage.
...
Of course not! Male dancers, like all males, are completely indifferent to these things, and are only interested in your personality and character (or in this case, your dance ability) :wink:

WittyBird
18th-August-2005, 02:34 AM
It should be 24yrs just waiting for a chance :sick:

But who the F*** is Alice

Im a human being so looks come into it but its dancing ability everytime for me as well .

Im finding it harder to find good dancers now (apart from weekenders /holidays etc)

Dont you think that everyone has to start somewhere? I have done only 8 classes, I have been to Chesham , Hammersmith , HMS President , Berkhamsted and tonight I went to Windsor for the first time. I started going and only got asked to dance 2 or 3 times in an evening i didnt ask anyone to dance as i was shy . i felt the urge to explain to people that i was new and please be patient with me. Tonight I didnt, I went to Windsor and i thought ,so what ! and asked anyone i could find to dance, i even got asked for second dances , I had the best night ever, i also found that i was a better dancer for it, enjoyed it more and just constantly smiled. I couldnt care less who i danced with if they were old, young, big, small etc to me it was and is all about getting the experience and practice.

under par
18th-August-2005, 02:40 AM
Dont you think that everyone has to start somewhere? I have done only 8 classes, I have been to Chesham , Hammersmith , HMS President , Berkhamsted and tonight I went to Windsor for the first time. I started going and only got asked to dance 2 or 3 times in an evening i didnt ask anyone to dance as i was shy . i felt the urge to explain to people that i was new and please be patient with me. Tonight I didnt, I went to Windsor and i thought ,so what ! and asked anyone i could find to dance, i even got asked for second dances , I had the best night ever, i also found that i was a better dancer for it, enjoyed it more and just constantly smiled. I couldnt care less who i danced with if they were old, young, big, small etc to me it was and is all about getting the experience and practice.


Good on you for going for it!!


It proves a point that a positive mental attitude gets positive results.

Everybody wishes that as many people as possible get what they want from MJ.

But my feeeling is unless you all ask for it , you won't readily get it!! :flower:

David Bailey
18th-August-2005, 09:24 AM
Sometimes pretty girls don't bother learning to follow properly, but more often they get to a higher level faster because they (generally) get to dance with more/better guys.
Up to a point, yes. But "dancing lots" only gets you so far - after you get to a certain point, you need to put some effort into it to improve. And by that point, of course, the dancer is so convinced of her own awesomeness that she's not in the habit of, you know, thinking / learning / experimenting.

So this type of person doesn't improve beyond that level.

I suspect this is where the average female hotshot / no-rower comes from...

David Bailey
18th-August-2005, 09:26 AM
Hi wittybird!

Dont you think that everyone has to start somewhere?

We all did, yep!


I couldnt care less who i danced with if they were old, young, big, small etc to me it was and is all about getting the experience and practice.
Good for you! Exactly the right attitude. Less of this soul-searching, more dancing, that's what we need.

Donna
18th-August-2005, 10:22 AM
I know the aerial but he as a guy should be at the serving end, not the receiving :rofl: It shouldn't be all that much strain for as long as the follower actually attempts to do the move, i.e. jumps. Essentially the aerial is the way a backwards somersault is being taught in gymnastics to start with.

:flower:

This move is called the 'Full Moon'. There's one called a half moon as well whereby it starts off the same way as a first move and as he goes to flip her over...doesn't take right the way over. She just stops with her legs in the air. Not a good idea to be wearing short tight skirts for this one ladies!! Although I'm sure ESG would love that. :whistle:
I've done it a few times and have seen a woman put a man into a somersault as well. Graham and Ann??? (these two are absolutely amazing by the way) :clap:

Donna
18th-August-2005, 10:24 AM
The best women's outfits were wedding dresses. One lady even cut hers down to become a wedding mini-skirt :clap:

Hmmm this calls for a new thread...

stewart38
18th-August-2005, 11:06 AM
Dont you think that everyone has to start somewhere? I have done only 8 classes, I have been to Chesham , Hammersmith , HMS President , Berkhamsted and tonight I went to Windsor for the first time. I started going and only got asked to dance 2 or 3 times in an evening i didnt ask anyone to dance as i was shy . i felt the urge to explain to people that i was new and please be patient with me. Tonight I didnt, I went to Windsor and i thought ,so what ! and asked anyone i could find to dance, i even got asked for second dances , I had the best night ever, i also found that i was a better dancer for it, enjoyed it more and just constantly smiled. I couldnt care less who i danced with if they were old, young, big, small etc to me it was and is all about getting the experience and practice.

Welcome to the forum witty bird your a pleasure to know :worthy:

murphy
18th-August-2005, 11:50 AM
Wow, what a response.
:clap: :clap: :clap:
Thanks for the messages. I'm definitely going to go again next week and put some of your ideas into practice. Unfortunately some will have to wait (unless you have a miracle cure to turn me into a fabulous creature that looks good in short skirts and low cleavage tops!) :rofl: :rofl:
I also like the idea of creating a new persona - hey no-one knows me there do they!!

I'll keep you posted... :cheers:

Donna
18th-August-2005, 12:22 PM
(unless you have a miracle cure to turn me into a fabulous creature that looks good in short skirts and low cleavage tops!):

And anyone who discovers that miracle cure, you let me know first. thankyou. :rofl:

Sheepman
18th-August-2005, 02:33 PM
So why is it that there are other girls I know that I've been told are awkward to dance with, and difficult to lead, but extremely gorgeous, who dance all night long, have a queue of men waiting to dance There is a slight flaw in your argument here, because it would appear that you are (incorrectly) saying that you are not gorgeous too! :blush:
So now I'm trying to work out why it is we so rarely get to dance, even a whole week at Beach Boogie and we still didn't! :mad:

If anyone cares to search back in the archives, they will find another unlikely name complaining of not getting dances, - Lily!
So, can being too good hamper your chances of dances?

Greg

TiggsTours
18th-August-2005, 02:38 PM
There is a slight flaw in your argument here, because it would appear that you are (incorrectly) saying that you are not gorgeous too! :blush:
So now I'm trying to work out why it is we so rarely get to dance, even a whole week at Beach Boogie and we still didn't! :mad:




:blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :grin:

Next time I see you, definately! :grin:

Rachel
18th-August-2005, 03:05 PM
[snip]If anyone cares to search back in the archives, they will find another unlikely name complaining of not getting dances, - Lily!
So, can being too good hamper your chances of dances?

Greg
Absolutely - I think that men can often be too intimidated to ask the very good ladies to dance, or believe that these ladies couldn't possibly enjoy a dance with them.

I don't know Murphy or Tiggstours (I don't think ?) but take Angelique - I was going to PM her, but she deserves to be publically reprimanded for her modesty. She's stunningly pretty, vivacious, always looks as if she's having a great time and an absolutely fantastic dancer (I'll remember the last dance she and Marc had for a long time) ...

And the only possible conclusion I can come to, when she says that men don't ask her to dance, is that they must think she's too good to want to dance with them. What else??? :confused:

Rachel

Donna
18th-August-2005, 03:23 PM
Absolutely - I think that men can often be too intimidated to ask the very good ladies to dance, or believe that these ladies couldn't possibly enjoy a dance with them.

I don't know Murphy or Tiggstours (I don't think ?) but take Angelique - I was going to PM her, but she deserves to be publically reprimanded for her modesty. She's stunningly pretty, vivacious, always looks as if she's having a great time and an absolutely fantastic dancer (I'll remember the last dance she and Marc had for a long time) ...

And the only possible conclusion I can come to, when she says that men don't ask her to dance, is that they must think she's too good to want to dance with them. What else??? :confused:

Rachel

And Mark I think is an awesome dancer!! You are too Rach, and I could just watch you two all night!! :nice:

I think you're right though in saying that can be intimidated to ask amazing dancers for a dance. Do you get asked often then??

under par
18th-August-2005, 03:59 PM
And Mark I think is an awesome dancer!! You are too Rach, and I could just watch you two all night!! :nice:

I think you're right though in saying that can be intimidated to ask amazing dancers for a dance. Do you get asked often then??



I always ask her whenever we are at same venue :drool: :yeah:

Rachel
18th-August-2005, 04:07 PM
And Mark I think is an awesome dancer!! You are too Rach, and I could just watch you two all night!! :nice:

I think you're right though in saying that can be intimidated to ask amazing dancers for a dance. Do you get asked often then??
:flower: :flower: That's verrrrrry flattering coming from you!!! I'm so lucky to have such a great partner - he knows my mistakes in advance and covers for them all! :wink:

Um, I get asked sometimes - but I'm not in the category that anyone could ever be intimidated by my dancing! We're also very lucky in that we get around a lot and know quite a few people, so that helps.

But ... I do get asked to dance MUCH less when I've been demonstrating - esp at venues where I don't know many people. But that's fine because I think it's part of a demo's role to act as a kind of taxi and ask people yourself.

I get asked most when I go somewhere just socially - perhaps alone - that I've never been to before and don't know anyone. I think that just comes down to sheer curiosity from the locals and probably sympathy for the poor girl who hasn't got any friends to come with!

R.

David Bailey
18th-August-2005, 04:30 PM
take Angelique - I was going to PM her, but she deserves to be publically reprimanded for her modesty. She's stunningly pretty, vivacious, always looks as if she's having a great time and an absolutely fantastic dancer (I'll remember the last dance she and Marc had for a long time) ...

And the only possible conclusion I can come to, when she says that men don't ask her to dance, is that they must think she's too good to want to dance with them. What else??? :confused:
Absolutely, nailed it in one. She always scared the heck out of me when she was at Finchley, all that intimidatingly good dancing, I'm glad she's gone, I can now dance with all these people who aren't as good as her.

(Yes, that was indeed sarcasm)

Or, in other words, rubbish.

The only correlation here is hotshottery - someone who's a good dancer and who's body language clearly says "I dont want to dance with you, you 'orrible little man, until you've proved yourself in an audition in front of me". Obviously, that's intimidating, not to mention obnoxious.

And obviously, that's not Angelique.

But, I've heard that some dance venues occasionally have more women than men, do you think maybe that's got something to do with it?

(Yes, that was also sarcasm.)

I spent about half of a entire dance last night (at a salsa venue), looking for a specific dance partner. Whilst I won't comment on looks, she's taller than me, older than me, and and much "larger" than me, and there were literally dozens of young (early 20s) gorgeous young women, dolled up to extreme levels, who I could have asked for a dance instead.

But she's a damned good dancer, and I persevered; found her eventually, and had a lovely dance with her; she has superb style, rhythm and balance, and she always looks like she's having fun. And she's also extremely popular, more so than the other gorgeous young girlies standing round the edge of the dance floor.

Now OK, I also admired and danced with some of these girlies - but she was my first choice.

Donna
18th-August-2005, 04:45 PM
:flower: :flower: That's verrrrrry flattering coming from you!!! I'm so lucky to have such a great partner - he knows my mistakes in advance and covers for them all! :wink:.

You make mistakes?? I wouldn't even notice if you did make one!! I think when you dance to latin music it really suits yours and Marks style. :flower:



But ... I do get asked to dance MUCH less when I've been demonstrating - esp at venues where I don't know many people. But that's fine because I think it's part of a demo's role to act as a kind of taxi and ask people yourself.

I think that's what people wait for from a demonstrator/teacher or taxi dancer...is to get asked. (Most of the time anyway) Some people are just shy I suppose.

:)

TiggsTours
18th-August-2005, 04:53 PM
[QUOTE=RachelBut ... I do get asked to dance MUCH less when I've been demonstrating - esp at venues where I don't know many people. But that's fine because I think it's part of a demo's role to act as a kind of taxi and ask people yourself.[/QUOTE]

This is going to be a contreversial comment, I know, but I very rarely see teachers or demos dacing with anyone but the best dancers after the class, and certainly not with beginners! There are exceptions to the rule, I don't know you Rachel, but it sounds like you are, and I will also say that Russell is too. I was very impressed on my visit to Greenwich that he made a point of dancing with all the beginners. I agree that teachers and demos should act as a sort of taxi, but I also think it would be good if more teachers and demos made a point of dancing with people they know have just progressed to intermediate after the intermediate class. As a taxi dancer, I'm always being asked if I can help with such and such a move from the intermediate class, and I haven't got a clue what's been taught!

Donna
18th-August-2005, 04:55 PM
This is going to be a contreversial comment, I know, but I very rarely see teachers or demos dacing with anyone but the best dancers after the class, and certainly not with beginners! There are exceptions to the rule, I don't know you Rachel, but it sounds like you are, and I will also say that Russell is too. I was very impressed on my visit to Greenwich that he made a point of dancing with all the beginners. I agree that teachers and demos should act as a sort of taxi, but I also think it would be good if more teachers and demos made a point of dancing with people they know have just progressed to intermediate after the intermediate class. As a taxi dancer, I'm always being asked if I can help with such and such a move from the intermediate class, and I haven't got a clue what's been taught!

When i was a beginner I did notice the teachers would try and avoid. :mad:

Lynn
18th-August-2005, 04:57 PM
Um, I get asked sometimes - but I'm not in the category that anyone could ever be intimidated by my dancing! I think the thing is that your personality would never be intimidating - which shows that a woman can be a lovely dancer (which you are :worthy: ) but also have a very friendly and approachable manner so that guys are OK about asking them up.


I'm so lucky to have such a great partner - he knows my mistakes in advance and covers for them all! :wink: Not that you make many, but I've noticed Marc is very good at covering mistakes - he even makes me look good! :grin: I got several requests for dances once after dancing with him where the guys commented on my dance with Marc looking good!

El Salsero Gringo
18th-August-2005, 05:06 PM
This is going to be a contreversial comment, I know, but I very rarely see teachers or demos dacing with anyone but the best dancers after the class, and certainly not with beginners!Not controversial but worth refuting - at least at the venues I go to.

David Bailey
18th-August-2005, 06:57 PM
Not controversial but worth refuting - at least at the venues I go to.
I can definitely confirm that - I'm a non-beginner, and he's never even asked me to dance. :tears:

RogerR
18th-August-2005, 08:27 PM
How did your next freestyle go?

My tips for being asked to dance; do the class and specifically tell some people that you'd like to dance with them in the freestyle. ask the teacher for a dance (you'll get one good dance and be seen dancing). Follow him at the end of the class see where he is, and grab him!
Follow the music, bar dancing - tapping glass/ foot/finger in time radiates connection and readiness to dance
Dont sit at the back of a table where getting out is difficult, If you really feel bad about sitting out for a long while get up or get out,- the negative body language shines out clearly and you must change it boldly. Sitting hand in hand with B/F usually deters all men as does still wearing a cardy half way through.

PM a few forumites and book to join them at a table, then you know a few people to start you off for the evening

WittyBird
18th-August-2005, 09:50 PM
Hi wittybird!

We all did, yep!


Good for you! Exactly the right attitude. Less of this soul-searching, more dancing, that's what we need.

yeah that is my opinion and i am stretching the boat out and going to ashtons on friday cant wait ... lets hope i can ask again!!!!!!!!!!

Yogi_Bear
18th-August-2005, 10:16 PM
take Angelique - I was going to PM her, but she deserves to be publically reprimanded for her modesty. She's stunningly pretty, vivacious, always looks as if she's having a great time and an absolutely fantastic dancer

Rachel :yeah: ...as is Rachel

Minnie M
18th-August-2005, 10:20 PM
There is a slight flaw in your argument here, because it would appear that you are (incorrectly) saying that you are not gorgeous too! :blush:
So now I'm trying to work out why it is we so rarely get to dance, even a whole week at Beach Boogie and we still didn't! :mad:

If anyone cares to search back in the archives, they will find another unlikely name complaining of not getting dances, - Lily!
So, can being too good hamper your chances of dances?

Greg
:yeah: TiggsTours is very pretty - was going to post a photo of her for all to see - but would embarass her too much - and yes the same goes for Lily - maybe some men feel intimidated by gorgeous women who are good dancers - I certainly feel that way about good looking men who are great dancers (or just great dancers) I find it very very hard to pluck up the courage and ask them to dance (which is nearly never :innocent: :blush: )

Lynn
18th-August-2005, 11:50 PM
Sitting hand in hand with B/F usually deters all men as does still wearing a cardy half way through. I can understand the first part, but never thought about the second. I suppose it looks like you haven't been up dancing much?

bigdjiver
19th-August-2005, 12:49 AM
For the record I find the best dancers intimidating, and am reluctant to ask them. This is definitely nothing coming from them, but some flaw in my psyche. Even when I do ask I am uptight and usually perform below my best.

RogerR
19th-August-2005, 06:53 AM
People who are dancing, get asked to dance! Several people say they get invited to dance as they leave the floor from a dance. If you can do a class before the freestyle then the last track is the most important, (do the routine twice then go into freestyle) Do that track and you are "one of the dancers" dont dance that track and you are a wallflower, and have to get back onto the floor. If there isnt a class or you miss it, Look ready to dance, cardy on clutching handbag etc puts two minutes between you and a dance and a track is three mins a typical invitation to dance takes about 5 seconds to the point where you are moving in step in time with the music into a space on the floor.

Brummie Paul
19th-August-2005, 11:41 AM
For the record I find the best dancers intimidating, and am reluctant to ask them. This is definitely nothing coming from them, but some flaw in my psyche. Even when I do ask I am uptight and usually perform below my best.

I have to agree. The tendency is to put extra pressure on myself . Even when I do dance with them and things go well :grin: I can still have problems asking them again - thinking how can I match that again !? :sad:

Yogi_Bear
19th-August-2005, 01:55 PM
For the record I find the best dancers intimidating, and am reluctant to ask them. This is definitely nothing coming from them, but some flaw in my psyche. Even when I do ask I am uptight and usually perform below my best.My experience is that I do not find the best dancers intimidating and I am not at all reluctant to ask them. But the result can be anything between outright refusal combined with a look that says "Are you mad?" to an exquisite and memorable experience, a much more polarised range than when asking 'not the best' dancers. The refusals can be much harsher. Why is that? :rolleyes:

Lynn
19th-August-2005, 02:09 PM
Even when I do ask I am uptight and usually perform below my best.Not that I ask anyone, but I can identify with this bit - if I know (by reputation or observation) that the lead is much better than me, I often dance far worse than I would with someone more on 'my level'.

TiggsTours
19th-August-2005, 03:39 PM
Not that I ask anyone, but I can identify with this bit - if I know (by reputation or observation) that the lead is much better than me, I often dance far worse than I would with someone more on 'my level'.
Yup, me too, horrible, isn't it?

Lynn
19th-August-2005, 03:44 PM
Yup, me too, horrible, isn't it?The worst bit is that I then think that they think I'm a really awful dancer and they won't ask me again :blush: , and I also won't ask them in case they think that... :blush: making me even shyer about asking... :tears:

OK, I'm thinking too much aren't I? :rofl:

TiggsTours
19th-August-2005, 03:46 PM
The worst bit is that I then think that they think I'm a really awful dancer and they won't ask me again :blush: , and I also won't ask them in case they think that... :blush: making me even shyer about asking... :tears:

OK, I'm thinking too much aren't I? :rofl:

Yup, we all do that! :rofl: :tears: :sick:

Lory
19th-August-2005, 04:55 PM
My experience is that I do not find the best dancers intimidating and I am not at all reluctant to ask them. But the result can be anything between outright refusal combined with a look that says "Are you mad?" to an exquisite and memorable experience, a much more polarised range than when asking 'not the best' dancers.
:yeah: I know exactly what you mean :hug:


The refusals can be much harsher. Why is that? :rolleyes:

Because you value their 'approval' more :confused:

For me, they just go WAY down in my estimation as a 'person' :cool:

Whitebeard
19th-August-2005, 06:35 PM
For me, they just go WAY down in my estimation as a 'person' .
The direction this thread is taking has been noticed by an A person and is being carefully monitored.

Sheepman
22nd-August-2005, 10:13 AM
Next time I see you, definately! :grin: I'm looking forward to it! (maybe Sunday?)

Greg

TiggsTours
22nd-August-2005, 10:16 AM
I'm looking forward to it! (maybe Sunday?)

Greg

Not Sunday, I'll be on a plane, on my way to sunny Spain! :clap:

Next time I see you though, definately.