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Baruch
17th-August-2005, 03:33 AM
This one's simple enough. Someone posts the first line for a limerick, then someone else has to post the next line, and so on. If you complete a limerick, you get to start a new one. Extra respect :worthy: if it's actually funny.

Example limerick:

There once was a fellow from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
In less than an hour
His back was aflower,
And his hair was all covered in weeds.

I'm sure you can all do better than that, though.

OK, here's the first line:

There once was a dancer called Annie

under par
17th-August-2005, 04:36 AM
OK, here's the first line:

There once was a dancer called Annie

Who danced with a partner named Danny

Gojive
17th-August-2005, 05:51 AM
They thought they were cool,

Cruella
17th-August-2005, 08:47 AM
As they whisked around the hall.

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 08:54 AM
And out, 'til they reached Abergevenney

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 08:59 AM
But the men were just ogling her {censors: take a deep breath} left knee. {censors: phew}.

There was a young dancer called Kryklyvyy

Little Em
17th-August-2005, 08:59 AM
ok it looks like it is time for the start of a new one......... :)



A lady in a sequin glitter dress..........

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 09:00 AM
Ooh, just realised that I get to start another ...


There was a young stud called Will

Little Em
17th-August-2005, 09:00 AM
But the men were just ogling her {censors: take a deep breath} left knee. {censors: phew}.

There was a young dancer called Kryklyvyy


sorry David! you beat me to it! :blush:

:flower:

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 09:04 AM
There was a young stud called WillOf trophies his cupboard he'd fill

Purple Sparkler
17th-August-2005, 10:02 AM
Of trophies his cupboard he'd fill

But when on the forum

David Bailey
17th-August-2005, 10:03 AM
But when on the forum
He'd lose all decorum

Purple Sparkler
17th-August-2005, 10:17 AM
He'd lose all decorum

And post both to shock and to thrill!

Yay, my turn! Hmm...

There once was a King of the Rhythm...
What? Might as well give you lot a challenge...

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 10:20 AM
There once was a King of the Rhythm...

Who lisped, so "ism" became "ithm"

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 10:28 AM
There once was a King of the Rhythm...

Who lisped, so "ism" became "ithm"


(There is SO much room here for Monty Python inspired lines three and four ... go on, you know you want to)

Purple Sparkler
17th-August-2005, 11:40 AM
(There is SO much room here for Monty Python inspired lines three and four ... go on, you know you want to)

He weighed more than a duck...

David Bailey
17th-August-2005, 12:14 PM
He weighed more than a duck...
And he fancied a rummage. No, hold on...

But he was out of luck.

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 12:23 PM
'cos the Queen preferred unfertilized ovum! :sick:

Baruch
17th-August-2005, 12:26 PM
There once was a man on a hunt....

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 12:53 PM
Whose back was really his front

Purple Sparkler
17th-August-2005, 12:58 PM
Whose back was really his front

When he spotted his quarry...

qjohn
17th-August-2005, 01:05 PM
When he spotted his quarry...A bombshell named Lory..

Purple Sparkler
17th-August-2005, 01:11 PM
A bombshell named Lory..

He showed off his control of a punt.

There was an ex-smoker called NewKid...

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 01:14 PM
He said: "The haircut I need must be blunt"

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 01:15 PM
He said: "The haircut I need must be blunt"

Damn, damn, damn, sometimes work just gets in the way of the forum

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 01:16 PM
He showed off his control of a punt.

There was an ex-smoker called NewKid...
Who hated fruit that was rancid

Cruella
17th-August-2005, 01:35 PM
Who hated fruit that was rancid
Bananas she liked,

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 01:42 PM
Oranges with vodka she spiked,

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 01:47 PM
then devoured 'til no longer lucid.

Cruella
17th-August-2005, 01:48 PM
Oranges with vodka she spiked,
So the other fruit ran and hid.

There once was a shy Zebra

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 01:58 PM
Who drove a striped Calibra

Sparkles
17th-August-2005, 02:20 PM
The stripes made her faster,

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 02:29 PM
And avert a fashion disaster

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 02:43 PM
Of wearing white blouse with black bra.

Cruella
17th-August-2005, 02:48 PM
Of wearing white blouse with black bra.
You forgot to start a new one. :sick:

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 02:52 PM
You forgot to start a new one. :sick:The one time I started one, everyone ignored it! :tears: (we did have about 3 simultaneous posts).

Once more with feeling, then:

There was a young dancer called Kryklyvyy (it is a real dancer's name!)

Purple Sparkler
17th-August-2005, 03:00 PM
The one time I started one, everyone ignored it! :tears: (we did have about 3 simultaneous posts).

Once more with feeling, then:

There was a young dancer called Kryklyvyy (it is a real dancer's name!)

Who was brilliant, which caused lots of envy

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 03:06 PM
When she line danced in plaid

Jooles
17th-August-2005, 03:34 PM
She started a fad

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 03:36 PM
Because Kryklyvyy was really a he!

Next one:

A disgruntled young DJ named Mick,

Purple Sparkler
17th-August-2005, 03:38 PM
Because Kryklyvyy was really a he!

Next one:

A disgruntled young DJ named Mick,

Just didn't know what songs to pick

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 03:49 PM
Two tracks out of three

(I think some of you can see where I'm going with this... :whistle: )

Little Em
17th-August-2005, 04:26 PM
lacks dance-ability..........

:D

Lory
17th-August-2005, 04:27 PM
He played CALL ON ME :D

Sheepman
17th-August-2005, 04:29 PM
I won't dance if I look like a pr**k!

(Go on, somebody had to do it, and I'm not in a subtle mood!) :blush:

Greg

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 04:35 PM
I won't dance if I look like a pr**k!

(Go on, somebody had to do it, and I'm not in a subtle mood!) :blush:

Greg :grin: So you get to start the next one (unsubtle or not!)

Sheepman
17th-August-2005, 04:46 PM
Oh Lory, you sneaked in there while I wasn't looking, and messed up my line, but I should have checked, I couldn't finish it as it was only the fourth line. I'll go away and hide again now ... :blush:

Greg

Sparkles
17th-August-2005, 04:49 PM
Maybe you should start a new one anyway before everyone gets confused :sick:
:flower: S. x

Sheepman
17th-August-2005, 04:50 PM
:grin: So you get to start the next one (unsubtle or not!)OK.
Erm, ...

A strikingly tall young copper,

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 04:52 PM
Had a slippery wife, and would drop her

Sparkles
17th-August-2005, 04:55 PM
She'd kick and she'd scream,

Little Em
17th-August-2005, 05:03 PM
until he came on his knees...........



:blush: :rofl:

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 05:04 PM
Then he woke up - 'twas a dream

Sparkles
17th-August-2005, 05:07 PM
can someone confirm number of lines and rhyming pattern for me please.
I thought it was:
A
A
B
B
A
ie 5 lines, 1, 2 and 5 rhyming and 3 and 4 rhyming...
...I'm so confused now...

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 05:10 PM
can someone confirm number of lines and rhyming pattern for me please.
I thought it was:
A
A
B
B
A
ie 5 lines, 1, 2 and 5 rhyming and 3 and 4 rhyming...
...I'm so confused now...

You're right ... but there was two of us posting at almost the same time (posting line 4 allegedly, but since when has knees rhymed with scream?) Does that make sense Princess? :flower:

Sparkles
17th-August-2005, 05:12 PM
OK, so we still need a fifth line rhyming with 'copper' and then we're done, yes?

Little Em
17th-August-2005, 05:13 PM
can someone confirm number of lines and rhyming pattern for me please.
I thought it was:
A
A
B
B
A
ie 5 lines, 1, 2 and 5 rhyming and 3 and 4 rhyming...
...I'm so confused now...


oops soory :blush: didn know...... :flower:

Feelingpink
17th-August-2005, 05:14 PM
OK, so we still need a fifth line rhyming with 'copper' and then we're done, yes?Exactly. And if you finish it, you get to start the next.

Purple Sparkler
17th-August-2005, 05:14 PM
can someone confirm number of lines and rhyming pattern for me please.
I thought it was:
A
A
B
B
A
ie 5 lines, 1, 2 and 5 rhyming and 3 and 4 rhyming...
...I'm so confused now...

A charming and queenly young demo,
Said 'Limericks? How to do them? Oh!'
She's very confused
So I'll lift her blues
And offer the following memo:


It is AABBA, correct.

And the scanning should, as a rule of thumb, be:
Line 1: 9 syllables
Line 2: 9 syllables
Line 3: 5 syllables
Line 4: 5 syllables
Line 5: 9 syllables

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 05:15 PM
"Thank god!" said our favourite Cerocer.

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 05:16 PM
And the scanning should, as a rule of thumb, be:
Line 1: 9 syllables
Line 2: 9 syllables
Line 3: 5 syllables
Line 4: 5 syllables
Line 5: 9 syllablesThere was a young man from Japan,
Whose limericks never would scan,
He said "yes it's true,
and makes some folk blue,
but I always like to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can".

Sparkles
17th-August-2005, 05:17 PM
I think my brain's deserted me. I'm off home, somone else finish it :sad:

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 05:19 PM
I think my brain's deserted me. I'm off home, somone else finish it :sad:Barring comments to the contrary, I think I did.

So:

An old forum legend named Trampy,

Purple Sparkler
17th-August-2005, 05:23 PM
There was a young man from Japan,
Whose limericks never would scan,
He said "yes it's true,
and makes some folk blue,
but I always like to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can".

An aerial chap from the forum
Talked of different scansion decorum
But what he forgot
(And he really should not)
Is that it's his turn to start the limerick off, while we've got a quorum.

(And that it just sounds better if you start off with 2 lines of nine syllables each).

David Franklin
17th-August-2005, 06:07 PM
An old forum legend named Trampy,Did a comp with McGregor and RobC

(bad form to follow up to my own 1st line, but as others seem to be unfairly ignoring it - sniff...)

Dance Demon
17th-August-2005, 06:15 PM
Did a comp with McGregor and RobC


The theme it was rugger

Cruella
17th-August-2005, 06:29 PM
oh that's a bugger

Baruch
17th-August-2005, 07:38 PM
There once was a man on a hunt
Whose back was really his front
When shooting his rifle

Baruch
17th-August-2005, 07:39 PM
Damn, I really must check how much the thread has moved on before replying! :blush:

Baruch
17th-August-2005, 07:44 PM
There was a young man from Japan,
Whose limericks never would scan,
He said "yes it's true,
and makes some folk blue,
but I always like to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can".
There once was a fella from Wales
Whose limericks never would rhyme.
When asked why this was,
He said, "I don't know!
I'd better not try it again!"

Baruch
17th-August-2005, 07:47 PM
An old forum legend named Trampy,
Did a comp with McGregor and RobC
The theme it was rugger
oh that's a bugger
It rained, and the trio got dampy.


A Scot, on the forum one morning,

Cruella
17th-August-2005, 08:36 PM
A Scot, on the forum one morning,

Dropped dead without any warning

Dance Demon
17th-August-2005, 09:42 PM
Dropped dead without any warning

His soul went to heaven

Baruch
17th-August-2005, 11:19 PM
His soul went to heaven
His body to Devon

under par
17th-August-2005, 11:30 PM
His body to Devon

and the moths in his wallet are mourning :rofl:

under par
17th-August-2005, 11:33 PM
and the moths in his wallet are mourning :rofl:

Just remembered got start the next!!!


there was a short jiver called Andy,

Gojive
18th-August-2005, 12:14 AM
there was a short jiver called Andy,

Who wore stockings to make himself randy.......

under par
18th-August-2005, 12:19 AM
Who wore stockings to make himself randy.......


whilst in his pink hold up fishnets

Gojive
18th-August-2005, 12:28 AM
whilst in his pink hold up fishnets

He demanded a ransom of Lillettes..........

under par
18th-August-2005, 01:05 AM
He demanded a ransom of Lillettes..........

which once inserted made his short legs go bandy.

Lory
18th-August-2005, 06:31 AM
which once inserted made his short legs go bandy.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

under par
18th-August-2005, 07:56 AM
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

A gorgeous blonde dancer called Lory

Sparkles
18th-August-2005, 09:34 AM
Who, when it rained, stood under a brolly

Dance Demon
18th-August-2005, 09:49 AM
Who, when it rained, stood under a brolly

But if it was sunny

qjohn
18th-August-2005, 09:56 AM
But if it was sunny
Her B-B-Qs were yummy

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 09:58 AM
Her B-B-Qs were yummy
Just like the kids show Balamory

under par
18th-August-2005, 11:26 AM
there was a princess called Sparkles

David Franklin
18th-August-2005, 11:31 AM
Who wore crystals from toes to her ankles

[UP - you're not making this easy - a quick internet check says no other English word rhymes properly with sparkles]

under par
18th-August-2005, 11:40 AM
Who wore crystals from toes to her ankles

[UP - you're not making this easy - a quick internet check says no other English word rhymes properly with sparkles]

But for her largest jewel

Sheepman
18th-August-2005, 11:44 AM
But for her largest jewel
She jumped in the pool

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 11:56 AM
She jumped in the pool
To avoid any sparkle debacles

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 12:01 PM
There was a young sparkler called purple

David Franklin
18th-August-2005, 12:03 PM
Who joined up with Sparkles in her pool

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 12:05 PM
Who joined up with Sparkles in her pool :rofl: :rofl:

under par
18th-August-2005, 12:08 PM
Who joined up with Sparkles in her pool


There was no menage a trois!

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 12:13 PM
There was no menage a trois!
Just twinkling and sparkling, like a star!

David Franklin
18th-August-2005, 12:15 PM
Despite attempts to join in from M Cool :waycool: :waycool: :waycool:

David Franklin
18th-August-2005, 12:16 PM
There was a gorilla called Gus

under par
18th-August-2005, 12:18 PM
There was a gorilla called Gus


Who unfortunately fell under a bus

Sparkles
18th-August-2005, 12:19 PM
Although he got squashed

David Franklin
18th-August-2005, 12:21 PM
Soon the pavement was washed

qjohn
18th-August-2005, 12:39 PM
Soon the pavement was washed
Therefore no-one made a big fuss

under par
18th-August-2005, 12:47 PM
there was a very tall fella called Paul. :whistle:

Donna
18th-August-2005, 12:47 PM
You know, i've just read this whole thread and i've literally got tears streaming down my face!!! I look like a panda now!!
Must wear waterproof eyeliner before I join this one.

ok I'll start one.

There is a smooth dancer - Dave Barker

Donna
18th-August-2005, 12:49 PM
there was a very tall fella called Paul. :whistle:

Who dressed himself up like a doll :rofl:

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 12:58 PM
Who dressed himself up like a doll :rofl:
In a tutu of pink

qjohn
18th-August-2005, 01:03 PM
In a tutu of pinkHe made everyone think

David Franklin
18th-August-2005, 01:06 PM
that a fairy had come to the ball!

[Hey guys, no offense, but can we at least try to rhyme in future?]

A franchisee holder named Adam

Donna
18th-August-2005, 01:08 PM
He made everyone think

He was off to the Grand Dolly Ball.

under par
18th-August-2005, 01:13 PM
He was off to the Grand Dolly Ball.

your turn to start :flower:

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 01:18 PM
that a fairy had come to the ball!

[Hey guys, no offense, but can we at least try to rhyme in future?]

A franchisee holder named Adam

Is that rhyme as in post 93? :devil:

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 01:20 PM
that a fairy had come to the ball!

[Hey guys, no offense, but can we at least try to rhyme in future?]

A franchisee holder named Adam
Wanted punters, & would grab 'em

Whitebeard
18th-August-2005, 01:22 PM
A franchisee holder named Adam
Sniffed, appreciatively, the scent of purple bossom

Purple Sparkler
18th-August-2005, 01:39 PM
Wanted punters, & would grab 'em

And, once in his grip...

(Sorry, Whitebeard, but Feelingpink not only posted before you but she also got the scanning better IMHO. Better luck next time! :flower: )

David Franklin
18th-August-2005, 01:40 PM
he'd not let them slip

Rhythm King
18th-August-2005, 01:45 PM
he'd not let them slip

Til their membership details he had 'em

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 01:48 PM
Til their membership details he had 'em
Damn! Beaten - I was going to have Adam not letting punters slip ...

Even when bribed with a TimTam slam!

Ah well - off you go. Start a goodie.

David Franklin
18th-August-2005, 01:48 PM
Can I just say, I think the line you were searching for was:

'til a JiveMasters video he'd sold 'em

Rhythm King
18th-August-2005, 01:50 PM
When Nigel dances with Nina...

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 01:52 PM
When Nigel dances with Nina...
She's so quick, he said "Have you seen her?"

Donna
18th-August-2005, 01:53 PM
your turn to start :flower:

ok....think think think.....

There is a welsh girly called Donna :whistle:

Donna
18th-August-2005, 01:56 PM
She's so quick, he said "Have you seen her?"

He said 'blink and you'll miss'

Feelingpink
18th-August-2005, 02:33 PM
He said 'blink and you'll miss'
Her pink panther hiss

David Franklin
18th-August-2005, 02:49 PM
and succumb to her cat-like demeanor...

David Franklin
18th-August-2005, 02:50 PM
A soon-to-be-married young Diva

Purple Sparkler
18th-August-2005, 02:52 PM
A soon-to-be-married young Diva

Makes one Jedi sing "I'm a believer"

Sparkles
18th-August-2005, 02:56 PM
When they tie the knot

Sheepman
18th-August-2005, 03:12 PM
They'll dance in a slot

Purple Sparkler
18th-August-2005, 03:15 PM
They'll dance in a slot

And Kenobe, he never will leave her!

A short-skirted taxi called Tessa...

CJ
18th-August-2005, 03:17 PM
They'll dance in a slot

Then he'll take her home to "relieve" 'er.

:blush:
________________________________________________

A short-skirted taxi called Tessa...

Whose razor made a lot of messa

Donna
18th-August-2005, 03:44 PM
Then he'll take her home to "relieve" 'er.

:blush:
________________________________________________


Whose razor made a lot of messa


She platted the rest

CJ
18th-August-2005, 03:49 PM
She platted the rest

so her legs looked the best

Sparkles
18th-August-2005, 04:55 PM
But the rest of her began to fester
(sorry Tessa :blush: - it's hard to get a half-decent rhyme with 'Tessa' )

Sparkles
18th-August-2005, 04:58 PM
There was a smart fella called Franck

Donna
18th-August-2005, 05:00 PM
There was a smart fella called Franck

He took a long stroll to the bank

Sheepman
18th-August-2005, 05:02 PM
But caught short on the way

Rhythm King
18th-August-2005, 05:03 PM
He took a long stroll to the bank
"Mon Dieu" said the teller

CJ
19th-August-2005, 12:06 AM
There was a smart fella called Franck
Who took a long stroll to the bank
"Mon Dieu" said the teller
Your face is all yeller
Perhaps you should go have a sandwich

Purple Sparkler
19th-August-2005, 09:09 AM
There was a smart fella called Franck
Who took a long stroll to the bank
"Mon Dieu" said the teller
Your face is all yeller
Perhaps you should go have a sandwich

You going to start another one, CJ? *waits patiently, not tapping her foot or anything*

Rhythm King
19th-August-2005, 11:13 AM
You going to start another one, CJ? *waits patiently, not tapping her foot or anything*
Perhaps he's gone for a sandwich? :devil:

Purple Sparkler
19th-August-2005, 11:34 AM
Perhaps he's gone for a sandwich? :devil:

A strangely Bart Simpson-like Scot
Finished limericks with little rot,
He went for some grub
But aye, there's the rub:
To give a first line he forgot!

CJ
19th-August-2005, 12:05 PM
Ooops... :blush:

There once was a young musician

Feelingpink
19th-August-2005, 12:11 PM
Ooops... :blush:

There once was a young musician
Who never liked breaking tradition

Rhythm King
19th-August-2005, 12:27 PM
Who never liked breaking tradition
He'd blow on his trumpet

Baruch
19th-August-2005, 02:17 PM
He'd blow on his trumpet
While eating a crumpet

Donna
19th-August-2005, 03:21 PM
There was a smart fella called Franck
Who took a long stroll to the bank
"Mon Dieu" said the teller
Your face is all yeller
Perhaps you should go have a sandwich

Eh???


ok i'm starting a fresh one.

There's an ass called El Salsero Gringo

David Franklin
19th-August-2005, 03:28 PM
Finishing the other one...

There once was a young musician
Who never liked breaking tradition
He'd blow on his trumpet
While eating a crumpet
and spray crumbs of aural munition

qjohn
19th-August-2005, 03:49 PM
There's an ass called El Salsero GringoWho shocked an old lady at bingo

David Franklin
19th-August-2005, 03:54 PM
For his first move jump,

CJ
19th-August-2005, 04:17 PM
For his first move jump,

his throat caught a lump

(no longer could he speak the lingo??)

Purple Sparkler
22nd-August-2005, 09:54 AM
Eh???


ok i'm starting a fresh one.

There's an ass called El Salsero Gringo

<mode=tired, emotional, and thus in snappish mood>Would you stop doing this? Don't start a limerick unless you've finished the last one. If we have more than one on the go at any one time, it just gets confusing. And I don't need to be any more confused than I already am.</mode>

CJ appears to have finished your one, but I think it's David Franklin's turn to start the next one as he finished the one we were already doing.

David Franklin
22nd-August-2005, 10:12 AM
There was a young dancer named Lily,

Sheepman
22nd-August-2005, 10:20 AM
There was a young dancer named Lily,

Who loved to wear something frilly

CJ
22nd-August-2005, 10:28 AM
Fond of a donut

Purple Sparkler
22nd-August-2005, 05:39 PM
Fond of a donut

And also chocolate

Whitebeard
22nd-August-2005, 11:27 PM
There was a young dancer named Lily,
Who loved to wear something frilly,
Fond of a donut,
And also chocolut,
Poor wee girl, she's really quite silly.


Sheepman and PS did not arrive at the dance together,

Baruch
22nd-August-2005, 11:44 PM
Sheepman and PS did not arrive at the dance together,
Er..... that doesn't scan. Too many syllables.


And the scanning should, as a rule of thumb, be:
Line 1: 9 syllables
Line 2: 9 syllables
Line 3: 5 syllables
Line 4: 5 syllables
Line 5: 9 syllables

Pedantic? Moi? :innocent:

Whitebeard
23rd-August-2005, 12:08 AM
Er..... that doesn't scan. Too many syllables.

Oh dear now, when I say that in my best Welsh English, you know, it sounds quite nice. I love it. So musical. Each syll-a-ble so clev-a. You lot have a head start when it come to dancing.


But; rules are there to be broken,
And you can take that as a token,
Of my ordinaryness,
When under duress,
I'm just not in the habit of joken.

Baruch
23rd-August-2005, 12:16 AM
A limerick's meant to be funny
Or witty, outrageous or punny.
But if the first line
Has more than just nine,
You've too many syllables, sonny!

Whitebeard
23rd-August-2005, 12:39 AM
A limerick's meant to be funny
Or witty, outrageous or punny.
But if the first line
Has more than just nine,
You've too many syllables, sonny!
You're quick boyo, very quick;
It's enough to make anyone sick.
Here's jus' hopin',
I can keep copin';
Sonny, is not the way to describe this old pr..k.


And with that, I bid thee a fond farewell in a haze emanating from an alcoholic beverage from another celtic community to the North.

Donna
23rd-August-2005, 02:09 PM
There's a bloke with massive whitebeard...

CJ
23rd-August-2005, 02:12 PM
There's a bloke with massive whitebeard...

who dancing in front of bright light, feared

Donna
23rd-August-2005, 02:15 PM
who dancing in front of bright light, feared

He stuck his shades on his face

CJ
23rd-August-2005, 02:25 PM
He stuck his shades on his face

to hide his disgrace

Donna
23rd-August-2005, 02:39 PM
to hide his disgrace

And everyone thought he was weird.

Ahem..ok next...

Ceroc Jock just loves FLASHING his ass! :D

Rhythm King
23rd-August-2005, 03:27 PM
Ceroc Jock just loves FLASHING his ass! :D

It's just his way of making a pass

Donna
23rd-August-2005, 04:03 PM
It's just his way of making a pass

He has tattoos on each cheek

CJ
23rd-August-2005, 04:09 PM
He has tattoos on each cheek

Can make your knees weak :wink: :devil:

David Franklin
23rd-August-2005, 04:15 PM
and his farts they can also melt glass!

Donna
23rd-August-2005, 04:19 PM
and his farts they can also melt glass!

:clap: very good, very good.

Your turn!!

David Franklin
23rd-August-2005, 04:23 PM
A foil-shirted dancer named Wong

CJ
23rd-August-2005, 04:25 PM
A foil-shirted dancer named Wong

Cleared the floor with a God-awful pong

CJ
23rd-August-2005, 04:27 PM
Cleared the floor with a God-awful pong

A fart wasn't it
twas in fact a sh..
And it came out as broad as it's long

(sorry)

Donna
23rd-August-2005, 04:30 PM
A fart wasn't it
twas in fact a sh..
And it came out as broad as it's long

(sorry)

:rofl:
Oh no!!! I'll tell him what you said! :rofl:

Baruch
23rd-August-2005, 05:21 PM
Gonna start a new one, CJ?

CJ
24th-August-2005, 10:13 AM
Gonna start a new one, CJ?

Southport's a famous weekender

Purple Sparkler
24th-August-2005, 10:49 AM
Southport's a famous weekender

A 72-hour-long bender

Sheepman
24th-August-2005, 11:37 AM
A 72-hour-long bender
With guys dressed in skirts

Rhythm King
24th-August-2005, 12:38 PM
With guys dressed in skirts
They dance til it hurts

Purple Sparkler
24th-August-2005, 12:41 PM
And their muscles end up rather tender!

A cool aging hipster in Ealing...

Lory
24th-August-2005, 12:53 PM
Used to be rather appealing

Sheepman
24th-August-2005, 02:01 PM
Used to be rather appealing
But after a dip

Baruch
24th-August-2005, 02:26 PM
But after a dip
Which tore off his lip

David Franklin
24th-August-2005, 02:38 PM
The ladies now run from him screaming.

There once was a judge named Arlene

CJ
24th-August-2005, 03:26 PM
The ladies now run from him screaming.

There once was a judge named Arlene

(not squealing, per chance??)

Whose marks were incredibly mean

Sheepman
24th-August-2005, 03:32 PM
(not squealing, per chance??)

Whose marks were incredibly mean
Confronted by Graham

CJ
24th-August-2005, 03:36 PM
Confronted by Graham

But able to sway 'im

Lory
24th-August-2005, 03:36 PM
Confronted by Graham
deciding to cause some mayhem

Donna
24th-August-2005, 03:57 PM
deciding to cause some mayhem

He woke up - realised it was a dream. (phew!)

There's a very bubbly lass named lory

CJ
24th-August-2005, 04:06 PM
There's a very bubbly lass named lory

who loved to be fellatory

:blush: :whistle: :rofl:

Sheepman
24th-August-2005, 04:14 PM
who loved to be fellatory

:blush: :whistle: :rofl:
If a man's in a kilt

Baruch
24th-August-2005, 04:18 PM
If a man's in a kilt
And gen'rously built

CJ
24th-August-2005, 04:21 PM
then it's "upstairs" for the rest of this story!!

there once was a big forum gathering

Purple Sparkler
24th-August-2005, 04:52 PM
then it's "upstairs" for the rest of this story!!

there once was a big forum gathering

'bout which there was a great deal of blathering

Baruch
24th-August-2005, 04:54 PM
'bout which there was a great deal of blathering
The folks from the forum
Who made up the quorum

Saxylady
24th-August-2005, 07:39 PM
Found the whole prospect quite lathering.



There once was a shy forum lurker...

Baruch
24th-August-2005, 11:07 PM
There once was a shy forum lurker...
Who danced with a crazed social worker

CJ
25th-August-2005, 10:18 AM
Who danced with a crazed social worker

determined to post

clevedonboy
25th-August-2005, 11:24 AM
determined to post
about his attempted "spit roast" :blush:

CJ
25th-August-2005, 11:31 AM
about his attempted "spit roast" :blush: naught boy!!

with the worker who had a bezerker (best I could do....)

There once was a dance place called Hipsters

clevedonboy
25th-August-2005, 11:40 AM
naught boy!!

with the worker who had a bezerker (best I could do....)

There once was a dance place called Hipsters

Whose patrons suffered from blisters

David Franklin
25th-August-2005, 11:45 AM
Home of many a hotshot :devil:

Saxylady
25th-August-2005, 11:51 AM
Home of many a hotshot :devil:

Who mutter and plot

Saxylady
25th-August-2005, 03:16 PM
Cos they're just a load of mean misters

(just had to put it out of its foundering misery)

Or it could have gone...

There once was a dance place called Hipsters
Whose patrons suffered from blisters
For on bended knees
They cried 'oh please!
Why do the hotshots all so resist us??'


There once was a teacher of swing

Donna
25th-August-2005, 03:24 PM
Sorry - that seems to have got a bit hung up - it could have gone...

There once was a dance place called Hipsters
Whose patrons suffered from blisters
For on bended knees
They cried 'oh please!
Why do the hotshots all so resist us??'

:clap: Nice one!!! Ok your turn Saxylady!!

Saxylady
25th-August-2005, 03:26 PM
Sorry - new to this, getting confused with edits and posts and time lags...


Try again




There once was a teacher of swing

Donna
25th-August-2005, 03:28 PM
Sorry - new to this, getting confused with edits and posts and time lags...


Try again

Who with his demonstrator he had a fling!

filthycute
25th-August-2005, 03:41 PM
Who with his demonstrator he had a fling!

but it didn't last long

Donna
25th-August-2005, 03:42 PM
but it didn't last long

As he had a diddy ding dong. :rofl:

CJ
25th-August-2005, 04:16 PM
That was less of a dong, more a ping :really:

There once were 3 young moderators

Dreadful Scathe
25th-August-2005, 04:27 PM
That was less of a dong, more a ping :really:

There once were 3 young moderators
who had all watched "the terminator"

Rhythm King
25th-August-2005, 04:37 PM
who had all watched "the terminator"

They'd seen Arnie Tango


(ok, so it was in a different film, who cares?)

Donna
25th-August-2005, 04:48 PM
They'd seen Arnie Tango


(ok, so it was in a different film, who cares?)

Dancing at Jango

Baruch
25th-August-2005, 05:14 PM
Dancing at Jango
Then blew Arnie's head right off later.


A one-legged dancer called Pollock

CJ
25th-August-2005, 05:18 PM
A one-legged dancer called Pollock

with a penchant for dropping a stitch

Saxylady
25th-August-2005, 06:14 PM
with a penchant for dropping a stitch
Yes, my rhyming dictionary gave up on that one too...

CJ
25th-August-2005, 06:21 PM
Yes, my rhyming dictionary gave up on that one too...

colic
shambolic

there are more...

Saxylady
25th-August-2005, 06:28 PM
How about:

Got himself caught in a hammerlock

CJ
25th-August-2005, 06:40 PM
A one-legged dancer called Pollock

Who suffered a fair bit of colic
The pain grew and grew
the next thing he knew
his dancing had become shambolic/the pain went and blew off a bo!!ock.

Saxylady
25th-August-2005, 06:50 PM
Ooo - nasty!

What's next then?? I'm supposed to be going out.

CJ
26th-August-2005, 11:02 AM
Ooo - nasty!

What's next then?? I'm supposed to be going out.

Sorry: keep forgetting to start new ones...

Our "senior member" John S

Donna
26th-August-2005, 12:05 PM
Sorry: keep forgetting to start new ones...

Our "senior member" John S

Who is always making a mess

Saxylady
26th-August-2005, 03:32 PM
Who is always making a mess

Bought soap and a bucket

clevedonboy
26th-August-2005, 06:48 PM
Bought soap and a bucket (bad bad girl look what you made me do)

And a Hoover to Suck It

Baruch
27th-August-2005, 02:16 AM
And a Hoover to Suck It
Are our minds dirty here? Yes!

While seeking some new shoes to dance in

Saxylady
27th-August-2005, 10:46 AM
Are our minds dirty here? Yes!

While seeking some new shoes to dance in

Baruch took to a peculiar prancin'

clevedonboy
27th-August-2005, 10:59 AM
In tight Rumpfs he'd hobble
while in Katz he would wobble
In mens shoes he'd have more of a chance in

Lou
27th-August-2005, 11:04 AM
Bah, humbug, Andrew. I followed your one line - only to click submit & find you'd editted it. Not fair! :angry:

clevedonboy
27th-August-2005, 11:06 AM
Sorry Lou we'll carry on from yours - I couldnt resist

Lou
27th-August-2005, 11:07 AM
Sorry Lou we'll carry on from yours - I couldnt resist
*sniff* Nope! It's too late now.... :whistle:

Saxylady
27th-August-2005, 11:12 AM
While seeking some new shoes to dance in
Baruch took to a peculiar prancin'
In tight Rumpfs he'd hobble
But it was well worth the trouble
Cos he looks like his pants have got ants in

Baruch
27th-August-2005, 11:16 AM
Is anyone going to start a new one?

Saxylady
27th-August-2005, 11:17 AM
*sniff* Nope! It's too late now.... :whistle:

A young lady dancer called Lou...

Saxylady
27th-August-2005, 12:01 PM
Oh, I can't resist this either...

A young lady dancer called Lou
Lost a precious Rumpf shoe
it near broke her heart
till she noticed her Smart
and sighed 'Oh, I guess that'll do'



A pole dancer took up ceroc

Baruch
27th-August-2005, 12:39 PM
A pole dancer took up ceroc
But suffered a bad mental block.

clevedonboy
27th-August-2005, 01:36 PM
when signalled a Neckbreak

clevedonboy
27th-August-2005, 01:50 PM
She often would mistake

clevedonboy
27th-August-2005, 01:54 PM
said sign and instead she'd tease .....

clevedonboy
27th-August-2005, 01:55 PM
said sign and instead she'd tease .....

Jock (what else could it have been)


new one

At a dance in Hanham last night

Baruch
27th-August-2005, 04:37 PM
At a dance in Hanham last night
The dancers all had a big fright.

Saxylady
27th-August-2005, 07:07 PM
The dancers all had a big fright.

When the MC came on

Baruch
28th-August-2005, 12:54 AM
When the MC came on
ElaineB and Simon

clevedonboy
28th-August-2005, 10:23 AM
ElaineB and Simon

Were caught drinking Sunny Delight

(You never would have thought they were a pair of Chavs!!)


A Cerocer who couldn't dance swing

Baruch
28th-August-2005, 12:58 PM
A Cerocer who couldn't dance swing
With the DJ's young wife had a fling.

Saxylady
28th-August-2005, 04:14 PM
With the DJ's young wife had a fling.

She showed him a whip

Whitebeard
28th-August-2005, 04:24 PM
She showed him a whip
An' sorta jus' let slip

Baruch
28th-August-2005, 04:50 PM
An' sorta jus' let slip
Which made that non-swing dancer sing!

A world famous open-side flanker

clevedonboy
28th-August-2005, 05:22 PM
whose proportions were those of a tanker

Dance Demon
28th-August-2005, 05:50 PM
whose proportions were those of a tanker

was caught in a scrum

Saxylady
28th-August-2005, 06:38 PM
was caught in a scrum

crying for his Mum

(he really is a bit of a big twit actually)

Saxylady
28th-August-2005, 06:49 PM
A drunken lerocer from Hayle

Baruch
28th-August-2005, 10:16 PM
A drunken lerocer from Hayle
Once danced in a terrible gale.

Whitebeard
28th-August-2005, 11:22 PM
A world famous open-side flanker
Bet you were hoping for better from this one.

El Salsero Gringo
28th-August-2005, 11:52 PM
A Drunken Lerocer from Hale
Once danced in a terrible gale
A gust blew him neatly...

Whitebeard
29th-August-2005, 12:26 AM
A gust blew him neatly...
And almost completely

Baruch
29th-August-2005, 03:45 AM
Bet you were hoping for better from this one.
Not really - it's just interesting to see what people can do with it, and to see if they avoid the obvious rhyme.

Baruch
29th-August-2005, 03:52 AM
A drunken lerocer from Hayle
Once danced in a terrible gale.
A gust blew him neatly
And almost completely
Confused him (he was only male!)

A man called El Salsero Gringo

Saxylady
29th-August-2005, 10:08 AM
A man called El Salsero Gringo

Met a young lady at Bingo

clevedonboy
29th-August-2005, 10:51 AM
Her looks weren't that great

qjohn
29th-August-2005, 11:04 AM
Her looks weren't that great
With her hair in a state

CJ
29th-August-2005, 11:25 AM
With her hair in a state

But she'd allow ESG to her ring go :blush:

These lim'ricks get ever more dirty

Saxylady
29th-August-2005, 11:43 AM
But she'd allow ESG to her ring go :blush:

These lim'ricks get ever more dirty

With Ceroc Jock around it's a cert - he

clevedonboy
29th-August-2005, 11:47 AM
will reach into the muck

Whitebeard
29th-August-2005, 11:56 AM
will reach into the muck
And from it will pluck

qjohn
29th-August-2005, 11:58 AM
And from it will pluck
And at the mention of laptops comes over all shirty :na:

In classes we all dance in a slot

Baruch
29th-August-2005, 02:03 PM
In classes we all dance in a slot
Then sneeze and get covered in snot.

CJ
29th-August-2005, 02:09 PM
Then sneeze and get covered in snot.

if you're lucky it passes
the heads of the masses

Lory
29th-August-2005, 02:27 PM
And anyhow, who gives a jot?

Graham
29th-August-2005, 02:27 PM
And hits CJ right in the face. Shot!

Saxylady
29th-August-2005, 02:30 PM
if you're lucky it passes
the heads of the masses

And plasters the teachers in grot.


A sweaty cerocer named Dio

(Oh Bother - whatever!!)

clevedonboy
29th-August-2005, 02:39 PM
A sweaty cerocer named Dio



was one of a strong smelling trio

Lory
29th-August-2005, 02:51 PM
when they took to the floor

CJ
29th-August-2005, 02:55 PM
when they took to the floor

we all ran for the door

clevedonboy
29th-August-2005, 03:12 PM
we all ran for the door

before their BO could perform a KO

A ceroc dancing elderly monk

Graham
29th-August-2005, 03:14 PM
Got into a terrible funk

CJ
29th-August-2005, 03:15 PM
A ceroc dancing elderly monk

who was hung like an elephant's trunk

Saxylady
29th-August-2005, 03:24 PM
Sorry clevedonboy on the wrong PC

clevedonboy
29th-August-2005, 03:28 PM
who was hung like an elephant's trunk

asked those who follow...

Lory
29th-August-2005, 03:32 PM
not to swallow :what:

( it was the only thing that rhymed!!!! ) :blush:

clevedonboy
29th-August-2005, 03:42 PM
not to swallow :what:


But instead please spit .....






















... like a punk

A swing dancing beautiful nun

Saxylady
29th-August-2005, 04:39 PM
But instead please spit .....






















... like a punk

A swing dancing beautiful nun

thought charleston kicks were so much fun

clevedonboy
29th-August-2005, 05:23 PM
thought charleston kicks were so much fun
in her loose fitting Habit

Saxylady
29th-August-2005, 05:28 PM
in her loose fitting Habit

She jumped like a rabbit

Whitebeard
29th-August-2005, 10:25 PM
She jumped like a rabbit
"Oh look, what I've just been and gone and done!"

"That feller there's an out and out perv."
She said, ....

Saxylady
30th-August-2005, 06:04 PM
"That feller there's an out and out perv."


She said, "I mean, he's got a nerve!
He's such a pain

Baruch
31st-August-2005, 01:24 AM
"That feller there's an out and out perv."
She said, "I mean, he's got a nerve!
He's such a pain
His face is so plain

Lory
31st-August-2005, 07:20 AM
"That feller there's an out and out perv."
She said, "I mean, he's got a nerve!
He's such a pain
His face is so plain
A swift kick in the goolies, does deserve

There once was a dj called Bob....

Tiggerbabe
31st-August-2005, 07:25 AM
who was sometimes mistaken for Rob :eek:

CJ
31st-August-2005, 09:48 AM
who was sometimes mistaken for Rob :eek:

Be he English or Scot

Whitebeard
31st-August-2005, 09:59 AM
Be he English or Scot
His music is pure grot

Baruch
31st-August-2005, 10:19 AM
His music is pure grot
Which has caused all the dancers to sob.

A drunkard who danced like a rhino

CJ
31st-August-2005, 10:23 AM
A drunkard who danced like a rhino

with finesse of a well hammered "wino"

Purple Sparkler
31st-August-2005, 10:42 AM
His breath could stop trucks,

clevedonboy
31st-August-2005, 11:17 AM
and down low flying ducks

CJ
31st-August-2005, 11:37 AM
and down low flying ducks

Just don't ask why it is that I know!!

An MJer seeks a Brazillian

clevedonboy
31st-August-2005, 01:56 PM
As she has hair like one in a million

Tiggerbabe
31st-August-2005, 02:22 PM
It's really no fun

CJ
31st-August-2005, 02:23 PM
It's really no fun

tying pubes in a bun

clevedonboy
31st-August-2005, 03:02 PM
when they're matted from years riding pillion

A cerocer who one night got merry

Tiggerbabe
31st-August-2005, 03:11 PM
when travelling to France on a ferry

clevedonboy
31st-August-2005, 03:26 PM
was sick on a sailor

Tiggerbabe
31st-August-2005, 03:48 PM
who threatened to jail 'er

Whitebeard
31st-August-2005, 04:45 PM
who threatened to jail 'er
Unless she agreed to his lecherry.

Leading a screw-corker of a double-spin

Saxylady
31st-August-2005, 06:06 PM
Unless she agreed to his lecherry.

Leading a screw-corker of a double-spin

Was made rather harder than it might have been

Saxylady
1st-September-2005, 12:17 PM
by a stiletto shoe
in royal blue
that sliced all the skin from his shin.


A forum limerickeer

Whitebeard
1st-September-2005, 02:06 PM
A forum limerickeer
Grinned, from ear to ear,

Baruch
1st-September-2005, 11:02 PM
Grinned, from ear to ear,
As, to his surprise,

CJ
2nd-September-2005, 12:31 PM
As, to his surprise,

when he opened his eyes

Saxylady
2nd-September-2005, 01:49 PM
when he opened his eyes

He was face to 'face' with Jock's rear



A tiny dancer named Holly

ToeTrampler
2nd-September-2005, 01:52 PM
A tiny dancer named Holly
Had a partner too jolly

Baby Peaches
2nd-September-2005, 02:33 PM
"Had a partner too jolly"



He would laugh and he'd laugh
A secret he did have
His name was actually Polly! :blush:


There was a bald dancer called Pete

CJ
2nd-September-2005, 02:57 PM
There was a bald dancer called Pete

whose bum gave off unequalled heat

Baby Peaches
2nd-September-2005, 03:30 PM
whose bum gave off unequalled heat


The loud ones were hot :mad:
The silent's were not :waycool:
And the roasters came out like a squeek! :rofl:

Baruch
2nd-September-2005, 05:28 PM
The loud ones were hot :mad:
The silent's were not :waycool:
And the roasters came out like a squeek! :rofl:
Nice one. :clap:
Now you get to start another limerick.

Baby Peaches
2nd-September-2005, 06:44 PM
CJ was into good tunes

Whitebeard
2nd-September-2005, 07:27 PM
CJ was into good tunes
And having now read the runes

Saxylady
2nd-September-2005, 08:49 PM
And having now read the runes

He'll predict the charts

Baby Peaches
2nd-September-2005, 09:08 PM
He'll predict the charts

While he lets out great farts
To blow up his party balloons!! :whistle:

clevedonboy
2nd-September-2005, 10:59 PM
This one's simple enough. Someone posts the first line for a limerick, then someone else has to post the next line, and so on.

I think we should try to go back to this one at a time principle (even if we then write the next line 'cos nobody else bothers) otherwise we might as well just write our own limericks

e.g

A drunk cerocer from Hayle
Chose a partner as big as a whale
while performing a dip
he did a lurch and a slip
his remains they scraped up in a pail

anyway where's the next one

Baby Peaches
2nd-September-2005, 11:38 PM
Yeah sorry about that! I got slightly carried away with myself earlier. Won't do it again!! :blush:

Okay, start of another:

One night at Ceroc in Dundee

Whitebeard
2nd-September-2005, 11:50 PM
Yeah sorry about that! I got slightly carried away with myself earlier. Won't do it again!! :blush:

Okay, start of another:

One night at Ceroc in Dundee
He got in, (how?) for free,

Baby Peaches
2nd-September-2005, 11:56 PM
He got in, (how?) for free,

He's never got money,

Whitebeard
2nd-September-2005, 11:59 PM
He's never got money,
Gee, that's me! Loves ya honey,

Baby Peaches
3rd-September-2005, 12:02 AM
Hmmm, so that's how he got in for free!! :wink:

Baruch
4th-September-2005, 07:28 PM
Hmmm, so that's how he got in for free!! :wink:
Are you going to start another?

Baby Peaches
5th-September-2005, 12:07 PM
The comp up in Scotland was brill :clap:

CJ
5th-September-2005, 12:13 PM
The comp up in Scotland was brill :clap:

but one question and ask it I will
They had the same face
never seen the same place
Please dont tell me that Betty was Bill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rofl:

(sorry for finishing: couldn't resist!!)
Anyway: someone else to complete:

The Comp up in Scotland was brill...

DianaS
5th-September-2005, 01:41 PM
but one question and ask it I will
They had the same face
never seen the same place
Please dont tell me that Betty was Bill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rofl:

(sorry for finishing: couldn't resist!!)
Anyway: someone else to complete:

The Comp up in Scotland was brill...
BUT i FELT SADLY OVER THE HILL,
I say in my chair, and exclaimed "I don't care"
and took another handfull of pills

Boom bomm

Baruch
5th-September-2005, 11:08 PM
OK, as nobody started another one, I'll do it.

"This first move twist back flip is easy,"

clevedonboy
5th-September-2005, 11:15 PM
OK, as nobody started another one, I'll do it.

"This first move twist back flip is easy,"

But CJ makes it so Sleezy

Whitebeard
6th-September-2005, 12:07 AM
But CJ makes it so bladdy Sleezy
Contrived a cutzy wutzy,

CJ
6th-September-2005, 01:38 AM
Contrived a cutzy wutzy,

just by playing footsie

Lory
6th-September-2005, 07:21 AM
just by playing footsie
With ZW, he gets breathless and wheezy! :wink:

There once was a DJ called Tigger....

clevedonboy
6th-September-2005, 07:30 AM
With ZW, he gets breathless and wheezy! :wink:

There once was a DJ called Tigger....

Whose shoes caused some men to snigger

Baby Peaches
6th-September-2005, 12:33 PM
Whose shoes caused some men to snigger


But she doesn't care,
Cause she dances with flare,
And what men think - she just doesn't bother.


Sorry, broke my promise. :blush:

The Tramp he went travelling Down Under

clevedonboy
6th-September-2005, 12:49 PM
The Tramp he went travelling Down Under

in a sulk with a face just like thunder

Whitebeard
6th-September-2005, 02:21 PM
in a sulk with a face just like thunder
Silly hat with corks a bobbin'

Lory
6th-September-2005, 02:30 PM
Silly hat with corks a bobbin'
Pretty girls he'd like to be 'seeing' :whistle:

Whitebeard
6th-September-2005, 02:35 PM
Silly hat with corks a bobbin'
'stead of those with faces like a guzunder !

Whitebeard
6th-September-2005, 02:39 PM
She was in trouble; the floor very, very, sticky,

Baby Peaches
7th-September-2005, 10:56 AM
She was in trouble; the floor very, very, sticky,

To move her feet was proving quite tricky

Peaches
7th-September-2005, 04:22 PM
To move her feet was proving quite tricky

So she jumped through the air
As her partner did stare


And said 'are you takin the mickey'?
:blush: sorry now you know where she gets it from :whistle: :wink:

Baruch
7th-September-2005, 10:00 PM
A man with a faceful of custard

Whitebeard
7th-September-2005, 11:36 PM
A man with a faceful of custard
Served him right; the bustard

Baby Peaches
8th-September-2005, 11:52 AM
Served him right; the bustard

He sat down on a chair,
But a sandwich was there,
So it covered his butt with French Mustard! :sick:

Baruch
10th-September-2005, 08:05 PM
OK, so you completed the last one, but how about starting a new one so we can keep the game going?

Whitebeard
10th-September-2005, 09:22 PM
Seems t've gone missing for the while. How about:

Baby peaches is just crying out for cream,

Peaches
10th-September-2005, 10:26 PM
Seems t've gone missing for the while. How about:

Baby peaches is just crying out for cream,

She's not, She's in Prague livin' the dream,

Whitebeard
10th-September-2005, 10:31 PM
She's not, She's in Prague livin' the dream,
Let's hope she's alert,

Saxylady
11th-September-2005, 03:05 PM
Let's hope she's alert,

For here comes a squirt

Baruch
11th-September-2005, 05:00 PM
For here comes a squirt
From an elephant swimming upstream.

(OK, so it's a bit of a weird ending - but then again, so are lots of others here!)

A three-legged dancer named Eddie

Tiggerbabe
11th-September-2005, 05:04 PM
Had a problem, when trying to get ready :wink:

Saxylady
11th-September-2005, 05:38 PM
Had a problem, when trying to get ready :wink:

His custom-made slacks

Piglet
11th-September-2005, 05:46 PM
His custom-made slacks

Were held together with tacks
And fell down when his legs were not steady!


There was a Scots dancer called Pam

Saxylady
11th-September-2005, 07:13 PM
Were held together with tacks
And fell down when his legs were not steady!


There was a Scots dancer called Pam

Who was partial to raspberry jam

Whitebeard
11th-September-2005, 07:31 PM
Who was partial to raspberry jam
But not in the usual way,

Tiggerbabe
11th-September-2005, 07:33 PM
Only on Wednesday

Saxylady
11th-September-2005, 07:34 PM
But not in the usual way,

She liked it spread, each day,

(sorry, clashed withTiggerbabe)

Only on Wednesday


Mashed up with mustard and Spam.


A veggie dancer from Fleet

clevedonboy
11th-September-2005, 08:44 PM
A veggie dancer from Fleet

broke wind, right on the beat

Saxylady
11th-September-2005, 08:46 PM
broke wind, right on the beat

by the end of the song

Lory
11th-September-2005, 08:53 PM
there was such a pong....

Cruella
11th-September-2005, 10:09 PM
too smelly to be discreet.

A frenchman who lived in Scotland,

Whitebeard
11th-September-2005, 10:21 PM
A frenchman who lived in Scotland,
Didn'ae bury his head in the sand,

Baruch
11th-September-2005, 11:08 PM
Didn'ae bury his head in the sand,
He'd dance every night

Gojive
11th-September-2005, 11:58 PM
He'd dance every night

Raise his kilt to give fright

Whitebeard
12th-September-2005, 08:07 AM
Raise his kilt to give fright
And cry, "isn'ae life just grand."

Whitebeard
12th-September-2005, 08:16 AM
"No thanks, I'll sit it out, the music's crap"

Cruella
12th-September-2005, 08:34 AM
"No thanks, I'll sit it out, the music's crap"

But would you like to sit on my lap?

CJ
12th-September-2005, 09:44 AM
But would you like to sit on my lap?

It's a very kind offer

Cruella
12th-September-2005, 12:33 PM
It's a very kind offer
But i weigh quite a lotta,
Wouldn't want your legs to snap!

Cruella
12th-September-2005, 12:34 PM
Ceroc Jock, he was quite hairy

CJ
12th-September-2005, 12:44 PM
Ceroc Jock, he was quite hairy

til he volunteered for something quite scary :eek:

Gojive
12th-September-2005, 12:51 PM
til he volunteered for something quite scary :eek:

To the tune "At the Strip"....

Lory
12th-September-2005, 02:27 PM
To the tune "At the Strip"....
we heard a BIG RIP :eek:

clevedonboy
12th-September-2005, 02:28 PM
To the tune "At the Strip"....

deleted

ladies first ...........

CJ
12th-September-2005, 02:31 PM
we heard a BIG RIP :eek:

then his body was suddenly airy!! :sick:

A dance is a dance is a dance

Lory
12th-September-2005, 02:42 PM
A dance is a dance is a dance
Until, you get that special glance..

CJ
12th-September-2005, 02:47 PM
Until, you get that special glance..

Your insides melt like butter
Your heart's all aflutter

Lory
12th-September-2005, 02:52 PM
Your insides melt like butter
Your heart's all aflutter
After that, you walk round in a trance! :wink:

DianaS
12th-September-2005, 03:12 PM
Forumites at Southport...

Saxylady
12th-September-2005, 03:55 PM
Forumites at Southport...

Don't behave as they ought

Whitebeard
12th-September-2005, 06:38 PM
Don't behave as they ought



Spirits are high,

Lory
12th-September-2005, 06:59 PM
Spirits are high,
till Monday, then sigh :tears:

Piglet
12th-September-2005, 07:07 PM
till Monday, then sigh :tears:

When asked do they care: Not a jot!


A man asked a lady to jive

Lory
12th-September-2005, 07:12 PM
When asked do they care: Not a jot!



:what: speak for yourself! :devil: :rofl:

Baruch
12th-September-2005, 07:12 PM
till Monday, then sigh :tears:
It's back to things of less import.

(Pedant mode ON)

A pedant you may think I'm being,
But I can't believe what I'm seeing!
The syllable count
Is the wrong amount
On all of the lim'ricks I'm seeing!

(Pedant mode OFF)

OK, now for another......

A demo with evil intentions

Baruch
12th-September-2005, 07:13 PM
When asked do they care: Not a jot!


A man asked a lady to jive
She answered him, "Good Lord alive!"

Piglet
12th-September-2005, 07:19 PM
She answered him, "Good Lord alive!"

My legs are like jelly

Baruch
12th-September-2005, 07:20 PM
My legs are like jelly
And you're far too smelly

Piglet
12th-September-2005, 07:32 PM
And you're far too smelly

And look here it's a quarter to 5!


The DJ announced the last track

Cruella
12th-September-2005, 07:38 PM
And you're far too smelly
Besides, you've already had five.

He wears black and whites

Cruella
12th-September-2005, 07:40 PM
Oops i was too slow!!

Saxylady
12th-September-2005, 07:56 PM
And look here it's a quarter to 5!


The DJ announced the last track

Just as Alice's trousers went slack

Piglet
12th-September-2005, 07:58 PM
Just as Alice's trousers went slack

As they slipped past her hips

Saxylady
12th-September-2005, 08:02 PM
As they slipped past her hips

She did some quick skips

Cruella
12th-September-2005, 08:05 PM
She did some quick skips
And fell flat on her back.

Cruella
12th-September-2005, 08:06 PM
Ok i'll try again.

He wears black and whites

Piglet
12th-September-2005, 08:12 PM
Ok i'll try again.

He wears black and whites

with pink and white tights :rofl:

Saxylady
12th-September-2005, 08:16 PM
Yer, now what you've got there me dears is more like two middle lines -


A confused transvestite from Crewe
Doesn't know quite what to do
He wears black and whites
With pink and white tights
When he really looks best in pale blue


(I found some help at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)

I'd like to see what comes of the one Baruch started earlier

A demo with evil intentions...

Cruella
12th-September-2005, 09:37 PM
A demo with evil intentions...
had an idea for an invention,

Baruch
12th-September-2005, 09:46 PM
had an idea for an invention,
Its dominant feature

clevedonboy
12th-September-2005, 10:52 PM
- Barry's role as the creature

Baruch
13th-September-2005, 12:39 AM
- Barry's role as the creature
-Was far too disgusting to mention!

(Thanks, Andrew - I think!)

A poetic fellow from Clevedon

Whitebeard
13th-September-2005, 01:35 AM
-Was far too disgusting to mention!

(Thanks, Andrew - I think!)

A poetic fellow from Clevedon
Found himself suddenly bereaveden,

clevedonboy
13th-September-2005, 07:32 AM
Found himself suddenly bereaveden,

His new Rumpfs he had lost

Saxylady
13th-September-2005, 01:41 PM
His new Rumpfs he had lost

And he wailed at the cost

'Twas his wallet, not shoes, that he grieved on

(who started that one??)


A lanky Lerocer from Lancing

clevedonboy
13th-September-2005, 04:04 PM
And he wailed at the cost

'Twas his wallet, not shoes, that he grieved on

(who started that one??)


A lanky Lerocer from Lancing

made each step look just like he's prancing

Baby Peaches
13th-September-2005, 04:23 PM
made each step look just like he's prancing

It just wasn't cool,

Baruch
13th-September-2005, 04:44 PM
It just wasn't cool,
He looked like a fool.
He's better off giving up dancing!

A man kept a sheep in a bucket

Feelingpink
13th-September-2005, 04:49 PM
He looked like a fool.
He's better off giving up dancing!

A man kept a sheep in a bucket
Along with a shiny gold ducat

Saxylady
13th-September-2005, 05:22 PM
Along with a shiny gold ducat

it swallowed the coin

clevedonboy
13th-September-2005, 05:26 PM
it swallowed the coin
got a pain in its groin

Piglet
13th-September-2005, 05:33 PM
got a pain in its groin


The man had enough and he struck it!


The barman walked past the dance floor

Feelingpink
13th-September-2005, 05:41 PM
The barman walked past the dance floor

His six-pack made the girls go "phwoar!"

Piglet
13th-September-2005, 05:50 PM
His six-pack made the girls go "phwoar!"

They batted their eyes

Feelingpink
13th-September-2005, 06:00 PM
They batted their eyes
But got scarcely a rise

clevedonboy
13th-September-2005, 07:39 PM
But got scarcely a rise

that's because he liked the boys more

A dancer who loved to watch cricket

Whitebeard
13th-September-2005, 07:58 PM
A dancer who loved to watch cricket
Caught her hand and thought, "I'll flick it"

Feelingpink
13th-September-2005, 08:03 PM
Caught her hand and thought, "I'll flick it"'Cos the Aussies are winning

Saxylady
13th-September-2005, 11:06 PM
'Cos the Aussies are winning
and the bowler is spinning
his googley balls right at the wicket



A dancer who liked to go swimming

Baruch
14th-September-2005, 01:11 AM
A dancer who liked to go swimming
Thought Speedos would look rather slimming.

clevedonboy
14th-September-2005, 08:02 AM
Thought Speedos would look rather slimming.

But a garment that tight

CJ
14th-September-2005, 09:34 AM
But a garment that tight

worn in the wrong light

clevedonboy
14th-September-2005, 10:01 AM
worn in the wrong light

Reveals that he needs a good trimming

CJ played Toxic by Ms Spears

CJ
14th-September-2005, 10:05 AM
Reveals that he needs a good trimming :sick: (I know: waxing doesn't rhyme!!!

CJ played Toxic by Ms Spears

But always would cover his ears

filthycute
14th-September-2005, 12:23 PM
but the regulars loved it

CJ
14th-September-2005, 12:26 PM
but the regulars loved it

to the point where they shoved it

Piglet
14th-September-2005, 12:42 PM
In a place that reduced you to tears!

The dance floor was busy and buzzing

CJ
14th-September-2005, 01:27 PM
The dance floor was busy and buzzing

our hair was all sweaty and fuzzing

Saxylady
14th-September-2005, 03:47 PM
our hair was all sweaty and fuzzing

Like Swedes in a sauna

DianaS
14th-September-2005, 03:56 PM
Like Swedes in a sauna
he sat down before her

clevedonboy
14th-September-2005, 04:09 PM
Like Swedes in a sauna

beating themselves with some fauna

Saxylady
14th-September-2005, 06:20 PM
beating themselves with some fauna

What?? That's three metric feet for a fourth line.

Saxylady
14th-September-2005, 06:25 PM
he sat down before her

And quietly melted to nuzzin

(sorry)

A young man on a dancing weekender

Cruella
14th-September-2005, 06:34 PM
And quietly melted to nuzzin

(sorry)

A young man on a dancing weekender

Decided to go on a bender

Baruch
14th-September-2005, 06:37 PM
Decided to go on a bender
With drinks alcoholic

Cruella
14th-September-2005, 06:42 PM
With drinks alcoholic

His hangover was chronic

Baruch
14th-September-2005, 06:44 PM
His hangover was chronic
And bright-coloured yodels he'd render!

A girl who'd been drinking all morning

Cruella
14th-September-2005, 07:08 PM
And bright-coloured yodels he'd render!

A girl who'd been drinking all morning
Spent the afternoon yawning

Baruch
14th-September-2005, 11:59 PM
Spent the afternoon yawning
The evening was worse

Gojive
15th-September-2005, 12:03 AM
The evening was worse

And to finish this verse

Baruch
15th-September-2005, 12:10 AM
And to finish this verse
We'll end it without any warning.

A bloke with a fetish for leather

Gojive
15th-September-2005, 12:13 AM
A bloke with a fetish for leather

Dated a cow from York called Heather....

Angelina
15th-September-2005, 12:22 AM
with a whip and a chain..

Whitebeard
15th-September-2005, 12:47 AM
with a whip and a chain..
They tangled again

Saxylady
15th-September-2005, 09:19 AM
They tangled again

Until they were quite stuck together.



A fat nudist lay in his garden

CJ
15th-September-2005, 09:37 AM
Until they were quite stuck together.



A fat nudist lay in his garden

Trying to not get a hard 'un :blush:

Lory
15th-September-2005, 09:44 AM
Trying to not get a hard 'un :blush:a passing Bee did start to hover.......

Angelina
15th-September-2005, 10:04 AM
then noticing the lack of cover..

Baby Peaches
15th-September-2005, 11:34 AM
then noticing the lack of cover..

Chuckled and gave the nudist a right sore un.


A young couple were strolling on the beach,

CJ
15th-September-2005, 12:26 PM
A young couple were strolling on the beach,

When the man asked to taste the girl's peach

clevedonboy
15th-September-2005, 12:30 PM
"Surely you mean my pear"

Baby Peaches
15th-September-2005, 12:38 PM
When the man asked to taste the girl's peach


She said "not on your nelly",

(oh and CJ I'll have words with you later 'bout the peach thing) :angry:

CJ
15th-September-2005, 12:42 PM
"Surely you mean my pear"

She did declare
for they both had a peach and pear each!!!!

Now, Baby Peaches... what's the matter petal??

Are you tarring my innocent comments with your impure brush again?!? :whistle:

Piglet
15th-September-2005, 12:50 PM
CJ's forgotten to start one

CJ
15th-September-2005, 01:01 PM
CJ's forgotten to start one

The price that he paid for his part won

DianaS
15th-September-2005, 01:59 PM
The price that he paid for his part won
A star rating of the forum site
Cas it tickeled the fancy of all it'd delight :D

Naughty Northants Girlie was such a delight,

clevedonboy
15th-September-2005, 02:26 PM
A star rating of the forum site
Cas it tickeled the fancy of all it'd delight :D

Naughty Northants Girlie was such a delight,

Ummm that was only 4 lines I think ????????

reminds me of
A limerick fan from Australia

regarded his work as a failure:

his verses were fine

until the fourth line

....

a quick recap of how limericks work -

lines 1 2 & 5 have the last word rhyming as do 3 & 4. There is a tempo to how each line works that might look like this (but not strictly)
line 1 Da da da Da da da Da da da
line 2 Da da da Da da da Da da da
line 3 Da da da Da da
line 4 Da da da Da da
line 5 Da da da Da da da Da da da

E.G.
There once was a lady named Cager,
Who as the result of a wager,
Consented to fart
The entire oboe part
Of Mozart's quartet in F-major

Next line:

As her clothing was stylish and bright

Whitebeard
15th-September-2005, 02:56 PM
As her clothing was stylish and bright
No surprise her words were quite trite

Baby Peaches
15th-September-2005, 03:01 PM
No surprise her words were quite trite
With an "Ah" and an "OOh",

CJ
15th-September-2005, 03:04 PM
back to Limerick formation....

A young couple were strolling on the beach,

When the man asked to taste the girl's peach


She said "not on your nelly",


But u can kiss my belly

Baby Peaches
15th-September-2005, 03:08 PM
back to Limerick formation....

A young couple were strolling on the beach,

When the man asked to taste the girl's peach

She said "Not on your nelly"

But u can kiss my belly


Which I just had pierced last week!!

(True)

The kids they were driving her mental,

CJ
15th-September-2005, 03:10 PM
The kids they were driving her mental,

She just wasn't feeling parental

as an aside:
A young immigrant Norwegian
Who, aside from his pubic region,
would sum up the facts
and attack with wax
Poor CJ in front of Glaswegians

Baby Peaches
15th-September-2005, 03:17 PM
She just wasn't feeling parental

To the bathroom she fled,

Whitebeard
15th-September-2005, 03:20 PM
With an "Ooh" and an "Ah",
He could see she'd no bra,

Saxylady
15th-September-2005, 03:46 PM
To the bathroom she fled,

While they bounced on the bed

(can we have one limerick at a time, please???? I'm not sure if I'm talking about kids or boobs now!)

CJ
15th-September-2005, 03:59 PM
While they bounced on the bed


Fighting in a style oriental!!!!


Southport is where you should be

clevedonboy
15th-September-2005, 04:08 PM
Fighting in a style oriental!!!!


Southport is where you should be

It's great, the rooms don't smell of wee

Saxylady
15th-September-2005, 05:09 PM
It's great, the rooms don't smell of wee

The guests are so neat

David Franklin
15th-September-2005, 05:15 PM
The guests are so neatAlways dance on the beat

Cruella
15th-September-2005, 05:20 PM
Always dance on the beat
Even when its half past three.

Cruella
15th-September-2005, 05:21 PM
The M6, so busy on fridays

Baruch
15th-September-2005, 11:03 PM
The M6, so busy on fridays
Is slower on wet than on dry days.

Cruella
16th-September-2005, 08:12 AM
Is slower on wet than on dry days.
So the journey to Southport

Baby Peaches
16th-September-2005, 09:10 AM
As her clothing was stylish and bright,
No surprise her words were quiet trite,
With an "Ooh" and an "Ahh",
He could see she'd no bra,
And thought hey, my luck's in tonight!

clevedonboy
16th-September-2005, 09:23 AM
So the journey to Southport
Has a chance to be quite fraught

Dance Demon
16th-September-2005, 09:28 AM
Has a chance to be quite fraught

If there's lots of roadworks on the highways

my turn to start a new one.....

At Southport we're all going to party

Whitebeard
16th-September-2005, 10:00 AM
At Southport we're all going to party
Let's hope the girls get all tarty

CJ
16th-September-2005, 01:35 PM
Let's hope the girls get all tarty

We can dance to the blues

aside:
Another year looms, MissyD
But we'll keep it between U and me
So, you're now 49
but you're still looking fine
and your tenalady catches your pee

Whitebeard
16th-September-2005, 01:54 PM
We can dance to the blues
And take off our ....... shoes

CJ
16th-September-2005, 02:01 PM
And take off our ....... shoes

Let the laughter be full and be hearty

But what for those who are not going??

Rhythm King
16th-September-2005, 02:41 PM
But what for those who are not going??

To their venues they'll be to and fro-ing

Baby Peaches
16th-September-2005, 02:48 PM
To their venues they'll be to and fro-ing

Down their cheeks rolls a tear, :tears:

Angelina
16th-September-2005, 02:48 PM
To their venues they'll be to and fro-ing

because they would much rather be here..

CJ
16th-September-2005, 03:17 PM
because they would much rather be here..

They'll watch "Lost" DVDs and be knowing!!!!

In Southport, d'ya think you will pull?

Piglet
17th-September-2005, 11:32 AM
In Southport, d'ya think you will pull?

Whilst you jive around looking so cool!

Saxylady
17th-September-2005, 01:18 PM
Whilst you jive around looking so cool!

With sweat on your chest

clevedonboy
17th-September-2005, 01:27 PM
With sweat on your chest

Baked beans on your vest

Whitebeard
17th-September-2005, 03:43 PM
Baked beans on your vest
Lookin' like summat they should cull.

Whitebeard
17th-September-2005, 03:46 PM
Ladies, please, form an orderly queue,

Baruch
17th-September-2005, 04:16 PM
Ladies, please, form an orderly queue,
When desperate to use the loo

Whitebeard
17th-September-2005, 05:33 PM
When desperate to use the loo
What they say is so true

Piglet
17th-September-2005, 06:01 PM
What they say is so true

about YOU-KNOW-WHO

Saxylady
17th-September-2005, 06:04 PM
about YOU-KNOW-WHO


Just look out, or he'll be in there too.


The worst dancing venue from hell

Piglet
17th-September-2005, 06:06 PM
The worst dancing venue from hell

Plays music so loud you must yell

Whitebeard
17th-September-2005, 08:13 PM
Plays music so loud you must yell
The teacher's just awful

Baruch
18th-September-2005, 12:54 AM
The teacher's just awful
The moves are unlawful

clevedonboy
18th-September-2005, 08:54 AM
There's even a "no row" as well!

clevedonboy
18th-September-2005, 09:26 AM
A dancer who loved the first move

Baruch
18th-September-2005, 10:39 AM
A dancer who loved the first move
Was trying to get "in the groove"