asking for a second dance

[New_to_London]

There is an unwritten rule (at least here in London) that a request for a dance is for one and only one dance. And, it is customary for women to say, “thank you for the dance,” at the end of the song, either out of habit or courtesy, or sometimes as an indirect way of indicating to the guy that they don’t want to dance any more.

Yet, there are times when you would like to continue with a second--or even third--dance, after the song has ended, assuming the woman is receptive.

I’m still finding it awkward to ask for that second dance. I haven’t figured out appropriate body language for this, and I end up having to shout into the woman’s ear, “would you like another dance?”, and then struggle to hear her answer. While this usually does work, it is not particularly elegant. It is rather lacking in style. :-)

I would be curious to know if there are others who have mastered the art of asking for a second dance. Have you found a method for doing this using body language, alone? If you need to use words, how do you overcome the problem with ambient noise?

[stewart38]

There is an unwritten rule (at least here in London) that a request for a dance is for one and only one dance. And, it is customary for women to say, “thank you for the dance,” at the end of the song, either out of habit or courtesy, or sometimes as an indirect way of indicating to the guy that they don’t want to dance any more.




No 'rule' in london or anywhere along those lines im afraid :grin:

Ask her for a 2nd dance she can say yes thank you Id love to and id like to have your babies as well or 'go away you sad loser' or something in between

[Donna]

There is an unwritten rule (at least here in London) that a request for a dance is for one and only one dance. And, it is customary for women to say, “thank you for the dance,” at the end of the song, either out of habit or courtesy, or sometimes as an indirect way of indicating to the guy that they don’t want to dance any more.

Yet, there are times when you would like to continue with a second--or even third--dance, after the song has ended, assuming the woman is receptive.

I’m still finding it awkward to ask for that second dance. I haven’t figured out appropriate body language for this, and I end up having to shout into the woman’s ear, “would you like another dance?”, and then struggle to hear her answer. While this usually does work, it is not particularly elegant. It is rather lacking in style. :-)

I would be curious to know if there are others who have mastered the art of asking for a second dance. Have you found a method for doing this using body language, alone? If you need to use words, how do you overcome the problem with ambient noise?

A megaphone might work?? :rofl:

[Tessalicious]

There is an unwritten rule (at least here in London) that a request for a dance is for one and only one dance. And, it is customary for women to say, “thank you for the dance,” at the end of the song, either out of habit or courtesy, or sometimes as an indirect way of indicating to the guy that they don’t want to dance any more.

Yet, there are times when you would like to continue with a second--or even third--dance, after the song has ended, assuming the woman is receptive.

I’m still finding it awkward to ask for that second dance. I haven’t figured out appropriate body language for this, and I end up having to shout into the woman’s ear, “would you like another dance?”, and then struggle to hear her answer. While this usually does work, it is not particularly elegant. It is rather lacking in style. :-)

I would be curious to know if there are others who have mastered the art of asking for a second dance. Have you found a method for doing this using body language, alone? If you need to use words, how do you overcome the problem with ambient noise?If both partners really want to do a second dance, the hold will simply not be broken because neither pulls away, in which case the flow can be smooth, which can be one of the best parts of an evening - knowing that someone you enjoyed a dance with enjoyed it too.

Of course if one partner doesn't want to have another dance, however they show that (pulling out of the hold, spinning off into the distance or into the arms of another partner, not looking you in the eye, saying thank you firmly, or even giving you a hefty slap), its best to just accept that, don't push for a second, or neither of you will enjoy it.

I've noticed that mostly guys who want to ask for a second dance make eye contact and raise their eyebrows at me in the universal body language questioning signal which in the case of dance usually means 'want another?' (but watch out for when it actually means 'fancy a rummage?'... :whistle: )

[Donna]

If both partners really want to do a second dance, the hold will simply not be broken because neither pulls away, in which case the flow can be smooth, which can be one of the best parts of an evening - knowing that someone you enjoyed a dance with enjoyed it too.

Of course if one partner doesn't want to have another dance, however they show that (pulling out of the hold, spinning off into the distance or into the arms of another partner, not looking you in the eye, saying thank you firmly, or even giving you a hefty slap), its best to just accept that, don't push for a second, or neither of you will enjoy it.

I've noticed that mostly guys who want to ask for a second dance make eye contact and raise their eyebrows at me in the universal body language questioning signal which in the case of dance usually means 'want another?' (but watch out for when it actually means 'fancy a rummage?'... :whistle: )

I've danced with some men who have broken their hold and have still asked for another dance. Sometimes their is no signal as to whether they want another dance or not. It can be hard to tell. I just shout over the music as nicely as I can instead of making it sound as though I'm ordering them to dance with me. Always works then. NTL - you've got no choice but to shout I'm afraid.

[stewart38]

I've danced with some men who have broken their hold and have still asked for another dance. Sometimes their is no signal as to whether they want another dance or not. It can be hard to tell. I just shout over the music as nicely as I can instead of making it sound as though I'm ordering them to dance with me. Always works then. NTL - you've got no choice but to shout I'm afraid.


I would always break the hold (unless my toungue was down her throat) and ask for the 2nd dance.

you just grunt it usually works

[Lynn]

All you really need to say - either in words or body language is 'Another one'? I always like it when asked for a second dance as its evidence that the first dance has been enjoyable.

[Purple Sparkler]

(but watch out for when it actually means 'fancy a rummage?'... :whistle: )

Which venues are you going to? :eek:
(And can you give me a lift? :devil: )

[Donna]

Which venues are you going to? :eek:
(And can you give me a lift? :devil: )

:eek: :rofl:

[David Bailey]

There is an unwritten rule (at least here in London) that a request for a dance is for one and only one dance.
Not so much a rule, more of a guideline... :)
It does seem to be more "1 dance is standard" I'll admit, I dunno when that happened, bit of a mystery. I'm sure it used to be "2 dances as standard", back when dinosaurs ruled the earth.


If both partners really want to do a second dance, the hold will simply not be broken because neither pulls away
Hmmm, I think I always break hold - or at least move apart a bit. Maybe I'm just too old-fashioned and polite. Yeah, that's it.


I've noticed that mostly guys who want to ask for a second dance make eye contact and raise their eyebrows at me in the universal body language questioning signal which in the case of dance usually means 'want another?'
Exactly - nice description. That's the one I always use. I don't believe it's ever been mistaken for "fancy a rummage?' though. Funny that.

Anybody else think "Fancy a rummage" is a great T-shirt slogan?

[stewart38]

Not so much a rule, more of a guideline... :)
It does seem to be more "1 dance is standard" I'll admit, I dunno when that happened, bit of a mystery. I'm sure it used to be "2 dances as standard", back when dinosaurs ruled the earth.


Anybody else think "Fancy a rummage" is a great T-shirt slogan?


ok stop this noncence now :angry:

[Purple Sparkler]

Anybody else think "Fancy a rummage" is a great T-shirt slogan?

Only for *certain* men.

The girl version would be a choice of 'Rummage-ready' and 'Rummage-proof' (depending on what underwear you have on. Allegedly. :blush: )

[LMC]

All you really need to say - either in words or body language is 'Another one'? I always like it when asked for a second dance as its evidence that the first dance has been enjoyable.
:yeah:

But as a beginner, I never assume that someone I've really enjoyed dancing with has also enjoyed themselves enough to want a second one unless they specifically ask. It's great when they do (and even better if they dance with a few other people and come back later on for more :D )

[Lynn]

It's great when they do (and even better if they dance with a few other people and come back later on for more :D ) Yes, that's nice too.

And then there is the whole '1/2 a dance - second dance?' thing - if you only get up half way through a track, I think its nice (though not compulsory) to ask for a second dance. Of course there are lots of reasons why this maybe isn't appropriate.

If there are a lot of people I want to dance with, I'm happy with just one dance, as then you can dance with more people. 2 dances every time would effectively reduce the number of available partners by half.

[Andy McGregor]

I usually have just one dance with each partner. The exception is when I've just had a dance with one of my favourite partners, lets call her ZW :waycool: , and a fabulous track comes on next. I will say something like "I love this track, fancy another one". On the other hand, if the partner is not one I want to dance with again I'll quickly search the room for ZW :whistle:

[Lory]

It's RARE for me to have more than one dance in a row with anyone but there ARE a few exceptions to the rule..

...some people are just irrisistable! :drool:

[Trish]

It's always worth asking for a second dance, and most women will probably take you up on it as they'll be flattered. That is of course unless you're a yanker or you smell (although I'm sure neither of those is the case if you read this forum and take it's advice on board).

The other thing to look out for is whether the woman in question is smiling and generally seems to be enjoying herself - which is a good sign obviously, or whether she's avoiding eye contact, looking for her next partner, etc - which isn't. Assuming she's happy (and doesn't need a drink/change of top/rest etc), she'll stay on for another dance. Even if she doesn't want a second dance with you, the likelihood is that she'll be nice about it.

Go for it, what have you got to lose, except some enjoyable dances! Oh, and yes, shout, but smile at the same time, and give her a compliment on the fact you liked the first dance!

[stewart38]

I usually have just one dance with each partner. The exception is when I've just had a dance with one of my favourite partners, lets call her ZW :waycool: , and a fabulous track comes on next. I will say something like "I love this track, fancy another one". On the other hand, if the partner is not one I want to dance with again I'll quickly search the room for ZW :whistle:


:yeah:

[LMC]

It's always worth asking for a second dance, and most women will probably take you up on it as they'll be flattered. That is of course unless you're a yanker or you smell (although I'm sure neither of those is the case if you read this forum and take it's advice on board).

The other thing to look out for is whether the woman in question is smiling and generally seems to be enjoying herself - which is a good sign obviously, or whether she's avoiding eye contact, looking for her next partner, etc - which isn't. Assuming she's happy (and doesn't need a drink/change of top/rest etc), she'll stay on for another dance. Even if she doesn't want a second dance with you, the likelihood is that she'll be nice about it.

Go for it, what have you got to lose, except some enjoyable dances! Oh, and yes, shout, but smile at the same time, and give her a compliment on the fact you liked the first dance!
:yeah:

Since there's usually more women than men at a venue, we can't afford to be too fussy :rofl:

Unless of course you are ZW... (who is so lovely that you can't even hate her for being lovely :hug: )

[Zebra Woman]

I usually have just one dance with each partner. The exception is when I've just had a dance with one of my favourite partners, lets call her ZW :waycool: , and a fabulous track comes on next. I will say something like "I love this track, fancy another one". On the other hand, if the partner is not one I want to dance with again I'll quickly search the room for ZW :whistle:

:rofl: Yeah right...

I think it's the other way around Andy. :whistle:

I usually have just one/two dances with each partner. The exception is when I've just had a dance with one of my favourite partners, lets call him Andy Mc G :waycool: , and a fabulous track comes on next. I will say something like "I love this track, fancy another one". On the other hand, if the partner is not one I want to dance with again I'll quickly search the room for Andy Mc G :whistle:

But usually I'm not fast enough :tears: ...After the fifth attempt I usually manage to get a dance with him.

And it is always so worth it. :clap: :worthy: :hug:




Especially when he pulls my hair......

[Russell Saxby]

It's RARE for me to have more than one dance in a row with anyone but there ARE a few exceptions to the rule..

...some people are just irrisistable! :drool:


Thank you :waycool:

[Lee]

Generally, as there are so many women vs men to dance with i hardly ask for a 2nd dance (unless i know them well) and also cause i don't want them to see i only do about 30 moves (rather than trying 100 moves badly).

I would always dance with someone a 2nd time if they ask but would probably politley say no to a 3rd (to give others a chance to dance with me).

Also as Zebra said, it depends on the music, sometimes you want to ensure you dance to your favourite track and sticking with your existing partner ensures you get a dance.

Lee

[Russell Saxby]

[QUOTE=New_to_London]I’m still finding it awkward to ask for that second dance. I haven’t figured out appropriate body language for this, and I end up having to shout into the woman’s ear, “would you like another dance?”, and then struggle to hear her answer. While this usually does work, it is not particularly elegant. It is rather lacking in style. :-)
QUOTE]

Hi New_to_London

I am sure you had that same feeling ( :sick: ) when you asked your first lady to dance. You have just to take the plunge, bite the bullet and ask..

If you are at Clapham tonight (Wessex House) not the Grand, then come and say hi.

Russell

[New_to_London]

Hi New_to_London

I am sure you had that same feeling ( :sick: ) when you asked your first lady to dance. You have just to take the plunge, bite the bullet and ask..

If you are at Clapham tonight (Wessex House) not the Grand, then come and say hi.

Russell
Very true. However, there is one difference. With the first dance, I can now make the request using body language alone, without having to say a word. And, women seem to universally recognise this.

With the second dance request, I have not yet figured out the universal body language for this--assuming it exists. Hence, I usually need to say something, which in a noisy environment is quite difficult. That’s where the problem lies, and hence this thread. I’m rather soft spoken, and do not enjoy shouting at a lady.

If I do figure out appropriate body language for this, then I’m sure it will no longer be an issue.

Anyway, yes I will be at Clapham, this evening.

[Russell Saxby]

Very true. However, there is one difference. With the first dance, I can now make the request using body language alone, without having to say a word. And, women seem to universally recognise this.

Sorry was not clear - I was referring back to when you first started dancing and the first few times you had to ask a lady to dance.

See you tonight

Russell

[Russell Saxby]

Some thing I do with beginners ladies, esp if they seem a bit nervous and not up for asking men to dance, is have a dance with them thank them for a lovely dance, and just say that if they wanted to find me later on in the evening I would love to have another dance with them. Of course you have to be sincere..

So if you have enjoyed dancing with them tell them. They may well come and find you later. You have nothing to lose.

I have been accused of being unapproachable in the past - I hope this is no longer the case.

[stewart38]

Very true. However, there is one difference. With the first dance, I can now make the request using body language alone, without having to say a word. And, women seem to universally recognise this.




So you just put your hand out ? Clarify what you mean :sick: I cant wink

[Seahorse]

Hey New_to_London

I think you're worrying way to much... agree with Tessalicious (wouldn't dare to differ having seen into her beautiful eyes!) that it's sometimes down to a partners body language... but usually you have a pretty good idea of how a dance is going and whether to continue... so relax!!!

I know some blokes will only do the one dance thing... but at the end of the day it's down to that moment when (and if) you click... personally i look to the girl to decide...

And just to muddy the water about the 'rules nonsense' - remember dancing is about having fun. I found someone I liked at Hammersmith on Sat and spent most of the night (and the last three dances) with her... in between breaking to dance with everyone else.

[MartinHarper]

With the second dance request, I have not yet figured out the universal body language for this--assuming it exists.

I tend to end first dances in open position. Then, if I'm after another, I keep hold of her hand, slowly walk towards her, and reassume a close hold. Close hold is also convenient for talking to my partner without shouting at her. If she breaks the handhold, that's decent body language from her that she'd like to be left alone.

If a first dance has gone really well, I'll often stop at one, since I'd invariably mess up the second.

[under par]

Very true. However, there is one difference. With the first dance, I can now make the request using body language alone, without having to say a word. And, women seem to universally recognise this.

With the second dance request, I have not yet figured out the universal body language for this--assuming it exists. .

TRY THIS...


....finish track one with a ballroom drop, lowering your partner slowly to floor level.......(here's the cunning bit :flower: ) do not pull her back up to standing position until the next track is well started. There you go ..... :whistle:

[Cruella]

I quite often want a second dance but am too embarrassed to ask. I presume if the guy has enjoyed dancing with me he will request a second. Unfortunately doesn't happen enough. :tears: But after reading some of this thread i really will have to start making it obvious that i would like another.

[ducasi]

Over the past week or so, I've had second dances with a few of my partners. I'm trying to remember how they happened...

I guess it's usually the woman doing the asking, as I'm way too insecure about my dancing ability to presume that anyone would immediately want to put themselves through another three and a half minutes of that! :blush:

I suppose there may have been some sort of expression on my face, or a reluctance to let go which may have prompted the offer. Dunno.

If there is a pattern that emerges, it's that the first song tends to be a slower one where we've maybe been talking, and the second one is maybe faster with no time to chat... Perhaps as the next song was starting I've said "hey, love this song"...

Anyway, however it happened, it always seems like the most natural thing...

So, based on this... My advice if you want a second dance is... give your partner the best dance you can, smile, chat a little if possible and appropriate... and then, if it feels right, just open your mouth and ask.

Oh, the other thing I found is that dancing at the other end of the hall from the sound system makes chatting much easier, and seems to increase the chances of a second dance. :nice:

Good luck! :waycool:

[Donna]

And then there is the whole '1/2 a dance - second dance?' thing - if you only get up half way through a track, I think its nice (though not compulsory) to ask for a second dance. Of course there are lots of reasons why this maybe isn't appropriate.

Hmmm....has anyone ever got up for 1/2 a dance, and then when the music has finished..they don't want another one??? (It's never happened to me by the way, but i'd be interested to know if it has happened to someone.)

[stewart38]

Hmmm....has anyone ever got up for 1/2 a dance, and then when the music has finished..they don't want another one??? (It's never happened to me by the way, but i'd be interested to know if it has happened to someone.)

It happens but i cant bring myself to refuse or not suggest another if its only 1/2 of a dance

If we have had 3/4 of a dance and I think 'beam me up scottie' and dont offer another, thats fine I guess :sick:

[Donna]

I quite often want a second dance but am too embarrassed to ask. I presume if the guy has enjoyed dancing with me he will request a second. Unfortunately doesn't happen enough. :tears: But after reading some of this thread i really will have to start making it obvious that i would like another.

MAAAAAN I just ask him! There's no need to feel embarrassed about it?? He can only say yes or no...if he say's yes, GREAT! :nice: If he says no then don't take it personally, it doesn't mean you are the problem. He might just want to chill out for a bit or maybe he promised someone else for the next dance.

I know someone who easily gets offended when someone refuses to dance with her. She is so self-conscious though that she can't help thinking there is something wrong with her. Even though I try to reassure her that this is not the case, I still can't convince her. It may be the man has an attitude problem or he just can't be arsed..(especially those who get asked too much and need a break)

[New_to_London]

Over the past week or so, I've had second dances with a few of my partners. I'm trying to remember how they happened...
I too have been having plenty of second and third dances with my partners lately, but the process of getting there continues to be awkward.


Anyway, however it happened, it always seems like the most natural thing...
That’s the problem I am running into. Normally it does not feel natural, although there have been a few occasions where it did, due to the circumstances. I’m trying to understand how to make things flow more naturally.


Oh, the other thing I found is that dancing at the other end of the hall from the sound system makes chatting much easier, and seems to increase the chances of a second dance. :nice:
Well, yes, but they usually keep the sound system by the stage or front of the room, where you are less likely to get bumped into, and it is safer to do dips and drops. At the back of the room, there are usually people constantly moving about, and likely to bump into you. I find nothing more detrimental to the dance experience than constantly bumping into people.

[Donna]

I too have been having plenty of second and third dances with my partners lately, but the process of getting there continues to be awkward.

I can understand you feeling awkward as it's all new to you but there's nothing to worry about really. Just raise your eyebrows and offer hand. If that isn't enough to tell her that you want another second then she's a bit thick really isn't she? :grin:

[Lee]

I've an idea........

Just stick two fingers up at them (indicating a second dance). :whistle:

Lee

[New_to_London]

So you just put your hand out ? Clarify what you mean :sick: I cant wink
For the first dance request, I just look into the woman’s eyes, smile, and hold out my hand, palm facing up. Sometimes, I hold out two hands. If the woman is facing the wrong way, or is not looking at me, I might touch her on the shoulder. These gestures seem to be universally recognised, and I never need to say a word. It flows very naturally.

If the dance request is refused, I usually just move on. But sometimes I sit down next to her, and try to determine why she isn’t interested. If she is a beginner, then I re-assure her that it will not be a painful experience. :-) And, I have managed to dance with a number of shy beginners, this way.

[Lee]

Brainwave!!!!!!

Ceroc could design a card that says "Would you like another dance?"

and on the back it could say "No thanks"

This would allow men & Women to carry one.

Lee :rofl:

[stewart38]

Brainwave!!!!!!

Ceroc could design a card that says "Would you like another dance?"

and on the back it could say "No thanks"

This would allow men & Women to carry one.

Lee :rofl:


But you would need lots of cards ???

Like sorry love to but I need a drink (walks across floor and dances with another man immediately)

Thats never happened to me of course :whistle:

[Msfab]

For the first dance request, I just look into the woman’s eyes, smile, and hold out my hand, palm facing up. Sometimes, I hold out two hands. If the woman is facing the wrong way, or is not looking at me, I might touch her on the shoulder. These gestures seem to be universally recognised, and I never need to say a word. It flows very naturally.

If the dance request is refused, I usually just move on. But sometimes I sit down next to her, and try to determine why she isn’t interested. If she is a beginner, then I re-assure her that it will not be a painful experience. :-) And, I have managed to dance with a number of shy beginners, this way.

I was trying to resist posting on this thread, but your last post has pushed me over the edge! :angry:

Do you have a Tongue N_t_L? Well use it! Dont just look at us, stick out a hand - it can look freaky! We like to be spoken to! :whistle:

[Msfab]

Brainwave!!!!!!

Ceroc could design a card that says "Would you like another dance?"

and on the back it could say "No thanks"

This would allow men & Women to carry one.

Lee :rofl:


What if you or they cant read? :rolleyes: You really havent thought this through Lee!

[ChrisA]

Hmmm....has anyone ever got up for 1/2 a dance, and then when the music has finished..they don't want another one??? (It's never happened to me by the way, but i'd be interested to know if it has happened to someone.)
Yep.

Quite a few times. If there was a good proportion remaining of the track, I don't usually ask for another if I really haven't liked it, but if I'm asked for the next one then only very rarely will I turn it down - almost always on the grounds of pain, or possibly dehydration.

I don't think it's that big a deal.

With a little experience, this whole thing of knowing whether another dance is desired by both partners becomes much less of a barrier to overcome anyway.

I'd suggest that if you want a second dance, just ask - and soon you'll have all the experience you need in this respect. If you're a girl, you're probably already sensitive to this, but if you're a guy, I'd suggest putting extra effort into reading your partner's reaction to your request - usually the clues will be there as to whether she really wants that second dance, even if she accepts.

[New_to_London]

I was trying to resist posting on this thread, but your last post has pushed me over the edge! :angry:

Do you have a Tongue N_t_L? Well use it! Dont just look at us, stick out a hand - it can look freaky! We like to be spoken to! :whistle:
Now, I’m confused!! How can such a gesture be “freaky?”

The reason I don’t use my tongue is because it is too awkward at loud venues. I’ve found from past experience that it doesn’t work very well. The woman usually can’t hear me, so I might need to repeat myself or shout at her. That is not very conducive to a dance. :-(

That’s why I prefer to rely on body language alone--it works much better!

[Zebra Woman]

I was trying to resist posting on this thread, but your last post has pushed me over the edge! :angry:

Do you have a Tongue N_t_L? Well use it! Dont just look at us, stick out a hand - it can look freaky! We like to be spoken to! :whistle:

YES we do!

I don't mind being asked by a friend with a look :what: /offered hand/raised eyebrow/hair pulling/grab from behind etc. That's fine and can be really nice. :grin:
If a complete stranger to asked me to dance in any of the above ways with no words at all would lose him quite a few points.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to hear any verbal during the dance :wink: , so the invitation to dance is literally the only time when I would welcome a short conversation. I will feel a lot more comfortable during a dance if I know what someone's voice sounds like too.

What's wrong with the simple question, 'Would you like to dance?' accompanied by any/all of the above?

Is that so difficult?

Body language is much harder to decline than a verbal question. I think that's what bothers me about it. Is it just me?

ZW :flower:

[Lynn]

The reason I don’t use my tongue is because it is too awkward at loud venues. I’ve found from past experience that it doesn’t work very well. The woman usually can’t hear me, so I might need to repeat myself or shout at her. That is not very conducive to a dance. :-( If the music is really that loud then instead of worrying about how to ask for a dance, I would be worried about the long term hearing damage that is occuring. :really: If you have to shout above the music, and you are regularly in places where you have to do this, you are going to suffer from hearing loss (I know many people suffer from hearing loss as they get older anyway but it will happen younger and be more severe than it would otherwise be).

[Msfab]

YES we do!

I don't mind being asked by a friend with a look :what: /offered hand/raised eyebrow/hair pulling/grab from behind etc. That's fine and can be really nice. :grin:
If a complete stranger to asked me to dance in any of the above ways with no words at all would lose him quite a few points.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to hear any verbal during the dance :wink: , so the invitation to dance is literally the only time when I would welcome a short conversation. I will feel a lot more comfortable during a dance if I know what someone's voice sounds like too.

What's wrong with the simple question, 'Would you like to dance?' accompanied by any/all of the above?

Is that so difficult?

Body language is much harder to decline than a verbal question. I think that's what bothers me about it. Is it just me?

ZW :flower:


I totally agree with you ZW! N_t_L you can use both body language and verbal request, event if we cant hear you well we can see your mouth move!

[Msfab]

Now, I’m confused!! How can such a gesture be “freaky?”

The reason I don’t use my tongue is because it is too awkward at loud venues. I’ve found from past experience that it doesn’t work very well. The woman usually can’t hear me, so I might need to repeat myself or shout at her. That is not very conducive to a dance. :-(

That’s why I prefer to rely on body language alone--it works much better!


Its all in the angles! :eek:

[New_to_London]

YES we do!

I don't mind being asked by a friend with a look :what: /offered hand/raised eyebrow/hair pulling/grab from behind etc. That's fine and can be really nice. :grin:
If a complete stranger to asked me to dance in any of the above ways with no words at all would lose him quite a few points.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to hear any verbal during the dance :wink: , so the invitation to dance is literally the only time when I would welcome a short conversation. I will feel a lot more comfortable during a dance if I know what someone's voice sounds like too.

What's wrong with the simple question, 'Would you like to dance?' accompanied by any/all of the above?

Is that so difficult?
Yes it is!! When I first started dancing Ceroc, I used to make my request verbally. And, I found a lot of problems with that. It wasn’t until I learned the 100% body language approach that I became truly comfortable with the process.

Walking up to a complete stranger, and offering hand, is much easier, and seems much more appealing. I prefer it when women offer their hand rather than try to say something, first. Because, undoubtedly, if they say something, I will need to ask them to repeat themselves. The hand gesture is unambiguous.

I’m completely at a loss as to why a hand gesture approach would “lose points.”


Body language is much harder to decline than a verbal question. I think that's what bothers me about it. Is it just me?
ZW :flower:
Would you care to elaborate?

[MartinHarper]

What's wrong with the simple question, 'Would you like to dance?' accompanied by any/all of the above?

Yeah, I tend to mouth stuff, but clearly we can't hear each other amongst the rabble of wannabes surrounding us, so lipreading plus body language is where it's at.

[New_to_London]

Having seen the results of the “How do you request a dance?” poll, I now better understand why there was some aversion to, and confusion about, seeking a second dance request method that was based 100% on body language.

I had no idea that the vast majority of people say something when making their first dance request of a complete stranger. This forum is really helpful!

That still begs the question of which method is best. In my case, the 100% body language method seems to work best, so I will continue to use that approach. However, for the second dance request, I’m still making my requests verbally--despite the difficulties. I haven’t yet figured out the “raised eyebrow” approach, but I’ll give it a try. I’m not exactly the type who practices these things in front of a mirror. :-)

The ballroom drop and hold-till-next-track approach sounds interesting, but it usually takes a few dances before the woman is comfortable enough for a ballroom drop--so, that is a bit of a “catch 22”. :-)

[Zebra Woman]

Yes it is!! When I first started dancing Ceroc, I used to make my request verbally. And, I found a lot of problems with that. It wasn’t until I learned the 100% body language approach that I became truly comfortable with the process.

Walking up to a complete stranger, and offering hand, is much easier, and seems much more appealing. I prefer it when women offer their hand rather than try to say something, first. Because, undoubtedly, if they say something, I will need to ask them to repeat themselves. The hand gesture is unambiguous.



Are you saying you have a better success rate if you don't speak?

I guess it is all very appealing if you're a great dancer and gorgeous too. Maybe you're popular enough to get away with it. I know some people can. I know I can if I want to, but I only do it if I'm fairly sure the person would want a to dance with me. :devil: (not saying I'm great/gorgeous but I do ask in that way if I'm feeling playful sometimes)




I’m completely at a loss as to why a hand gesture approach would “lose points.”


Would you care to elaborate?

On a serious note.
If it is a stranger. I just feel slightly manipulated if there are no words spoken to ask for the first or second dance. If someone just holds me tight as one track finished and the next starts, or continues to dance with me if the tracks have been blended (I hate that :angry: ). Sometimes I wonder if the man has actually spotted that the song has changed! Or he has noticed but is deliberately ignoring it, or he is arrogantly assuming 'Why would she not want another dance?' :rolleyes:

Anyway if I'm not actually asked verbally for a second dance , then I am left with two options:

1. Keep quiet and carry on dancing (50% of the time I am happy to do this)

2. Stop dancing and extricate myself, saying 'Thank you'. For me that is a really really awkward thing to do. In fact I don't think I have ever done it. So basically I feel pressurised into the second dance. I'm sure non-verbal requests have a much better success rate with me simply because I don't dare turn them down. But I do resent them.



On the other hand if the stranger has held me close at the end and said right near my ear, 'Fancy another dance?'. I can conifidently say, 'Yes please!', or 'Could we have another one later please'. My choice.


As I've said already. Once I know someone well - then words are absolutely not necessary and I'm usually happy to have several dances on the trot if the music suits. :wink:

How's that NTL?

ZW :flower:

Suggestion: When we eventually meet, ask me to dance non-verbally and do the same for a second dance before telling me who you are. Then I will give you direct feedback on your approach.

If you want it that is....

BTW I'm not commiting myself to chatting after a dance here, I may be very brief before I trot off to dance with someone else, and come back to you later .... :rofl:

[Rhythm King]

I have experienced many times the phenomenon where a track has come to an end, our dance movements have halted, and I hear the routine expression, “thank you for the dance,” suggesting the dance is over. Yet, when I suggest a continuation of the dance, the woman’s eyes light up, and she enthusiastically accepts the invitation. This suggests to me that protocol and convention is the main issue involved.

Snipped the above quote from the chatting after dancing thread. Seems to me that you already have asking for a second dance sorted. Where's the problem?

[LMC]

Out of interest, how many women ask for second dances?

I hardly ever do

a) because there are usually extra women and I work on the assumption that all men are like Andy McGregor and determined to dance with all the women in the room
b) more importantly, because I'm not yet confident that I'm good enough that someone would want to dance with me twice or more in a row

Although I rarely ask, I love to *be* asked and a good dancer can have as many dances in a row as they like :D (and I might even talk to them afterwards :devil: )

[WittyBird]

Out of interest, how many women ask for second dances?

I hardly ever do

a) because there are usually extra women and I work on the assumption that all men are like Andy McGregor and determined to dance with all the women in the room
b) more importantly, because I'm not yet confident that I'm good enough that someone would want to dance with me twice or more in a row

Although I rarely ask, I love to *be* asked and a good dancer can have as many dances in a row as they like :D (and I might even talk to them afterwards :devil: )

Couldnt agree more although it is lovely when u do get asked again. :grin:
Ever since i started going to Chesham i noticed one guy who i thought was a truley amazing dancer - tonight he asked me to dance halfway thru a track which i happily agreed , nearly tripped up as i couldnt get on the dance floor quick enough, then when it finished he said ' that was short shall we carry on ' to which i just couldnt refuse ! he then grabbed me for another later on !! YAY :clap:

[stewart38]

Couldnt agree more although it is lovely when u do get asked again. :grin:
Ever since i started going to Chesham i noticed one guy who i thought was a truley amazing dancer - tonight he asked me to dance halfway thru a track which i happily agreed , nearly tripped up as i couldnt get on the dance floor quick enough, then when it finished he said ' that was short shall we carry on ' to which i just couldnt refuse ! he then grabbed me for another later on !! YAY :clap:


Thought chesham was really good tonite.A dancer there who had been only dancing 4 months ,who was very very good (dancing background )

I guess too many women over but something us men keep having to deal with :sad:

[New_to_London]

Are you saying you have a better success rate if you don't speak?
In terms of number of dance offers accepted, it would appear that the success rate is about the same.

The problem lies with communication difficulties. It might simply be part of my personality, but I hate it when I can’t be clearly heard or understood--or where there is some other impediment to effective communication. At venues, this is almost always due to the noise level. Often, the listener might just make a presumption about what I have said. Other times, she may ask me to repeat myself or give me the look of confusion.

Thus, when I make my dance request verbally (in whole or part), there is always the risk that a communication breakdown will occur, however slight. And, strangely enough, such difficulty can impact my dance performance and enjoyment.

A non-verbal approach is unambiguous, and therefore doesn’t suffer from the potential communication breakdown. I also think it’s a bit more stylish. :-) Rest assured, however, that even a non-verbal request can be turned down. In fact, I get turned down quite frequently, because I will not limit myself to those women who are likely to accept. And, my non-verbal offers are often turned down with non-verbal replies. :-) In fact, I prefer such non-verbal replies because they too are unambiguous. :-)

[New_to_London]

Seems to me that you already have asking for a second dance sorted. Where's the problem?
Noise! That’s what it boils down to. At the loud venues, it is simply difficult to communicate the request verbally. This is not an issue at the smaller, quieter venues.

That is why I have been trying to figure out a non-verbal approach for the second request. The “raised eyebrow” look sounds interesting--but I haven’t figured that one out yet.

I do occasionally get asked for a second dance by the woman, and I have noticed sometimes a certain level anxiety in the tone of the voice, when such request is made. This suggests to me that some women are running into the same problem as I am.

[ducasi]

Out of interest, how many women ask for second dances? As I think I said earlier, almost all my second dances are the result of the lady asking as I'm too shy... :blush:

A very sexy lady asked me for a second dance on Saturday. Wow, that was flattering. :waycool:

I would never have had the nerve to ask her myself – it was difficult enough asking her in the first place. :blush: :blush:

Anyway, from my experience, there's plenty of ladies who will ask for another dance. (Maybe they all just figure that the second one couldn't possibly be as bad as the first! :o)

[Zebra Woman]

In terms of number of dance offers accepted, it would appear that the success rate is about the same.

The problem lies with communication difficulties. It might simply be part of my personality, but I hate it when I can’t be clearly heard or understood--or where there is some other impediment to effective communication. At venues, this is almost always due to the noise level. Often, the listener might just make a presumption about what I have said. Other times, she may ask me to repeat myself or give me the look of confusion.

Thus, when I make my dance request verbally (in whole or part), there is always the risk that a communication breakdown will occur, however slight. And, strangely enough, such difficulty can impact my dance performance and enjoyment.

A non-verbal approach is unambiguous, and therefore doesn’t suffer from the potential communication breakdown. I also think it’s a bit more stylish. :-) Rest assured, however, that even a non-verbal request can be turned down. In fact, I get turned down quite frequently, because I will not limit myself to those women who are likely to accept. And, my non-verbal offers are often turned down with non-verbal replies. :-) In fact, I prefer such non-verbal replies because they too are unambiguous. :-)

What is a non-verbal reply? :eek:
Is it when the woman simply ignores your non-verbal request? Or is there a Nina-Death-Stare TM to go with it?

NTL I can see why you don't want to get into problems mis-hearing each other, especially with a stranger. But if you're asking for the second dance surely you can get your mouth 5 inches away from her ear, and speak slowly just two words 'Another dance?'.

I have never had any problems understanding that short request, partly because that or 'Thank you' is what I'm expecting to hear....anything else I could struggle with. :rolleyes: ... But not that!

[LMC]

NTL I can see why you don't want to get into problems mis-hearing each other, especially with a stranger. But if you're asking for the second dance surely you can get your mouth 5 inches away from her ear, and speak slowly just two words 'Another dance?'.

I have never had any problems understanding that short request, partly because that or 'Thank you' is what I'm expecting to hear....anything else I could struggle with. :rolleyes: ... But not that!
:yeah:

Plus we've already had the discussion that most people can lip-read the "standard phrases" - "Another?" would fall into that category I think.

You have to be fairly quick off the mark with most women too - we're not all in demand like ZW ( :worthy: ), which means that given the number imbalance in most venues, if we don't think you'll ask us for a second dance and if we're not confident to ask for one ourselves then we will say "Thank you" and dash off fairly smartly so we can grab the next man before all the good ones are gone.

[Lory]

:yeah:

Plus we've already had the discussion that most people can lip-read the "standard phrases"
:yeah: but don't mouth the word 'colourful' to anyone, it comes out at something completely different! :what: :whistle:

they all rush to the nearest mirrors! :rofl:

[drathzel]

:yeah: but don't mouth the word 'colourful' to anyone, it comes out at something completely different! :what: :whistle:

they all rush to the nearest mirrors! :rofl:

dont have a mirror at work... what does it look like? :flower:

[timbp]

Even though I can't answer the question, I still feel the need to reply. I'm in Sydney, where dancing to two tracks is standard (I don't write "two dances" because I might ask the same person later in the evening [a second dance] and still expect to dance two tracks).

In my (limited) experience, it is fairly obvious what each partner expects at the end of a track. I see it as part of the dance (lead-follow). If I didn't like the dance, I start to lead my partner off the dance floor. If I did like it, I don't lead her off, but if she starts to leave the floor I follow (and talk to her as we leave; aim to find out why she wouldn't keep dancing). If I liked the dance but she starts to lead off, again I follow, but I might be more forward about asking why she doesn't want another dance.

As I said, in Sydney, 2 tracks is standard. At the end of 2 tracks, if I want to keep dancing with that partner, I will ask "another dance?" or "that's two songs, do you want another". (Not asking if my partner is obviously heading off to find another partner.)

Presumably, what I do after track 2 would be relevant for the northern hemisphere after track 1.


Tim

[New_to_London]

What is a non-verbal reply? :eek:
Is it when the woman simply ignores your non-verbal request? Or is there a Nina-Death-Stare TM to go with it?.
In reply to my non-verbal first-dance requests, here are the most common replies I can think of, off the top of my head:

AFFIRMATIVE REPLIES

1. Lady smiles, stands up, offers her hand(s), and we walk toward the dance floor.

2. Lady enthusiastically jumps up and we rush toward the floor

3. Lady nodes affirmatively

4. Lady offers her hand(s), but keeps looking around the dance floor, even as we dance


NEGATIVE REPLIES

1. Lady gives a subtle left-right nodding of the head

2. Lady gives the “no more” signal with her hand, and nods her head left-right

3. Lady gives the “I’m drinking something” signal with her hand

4. Lady gives the “two fingers” attention signal with her right hand, the stop/pause signal with her left hand, and then points to someone else. This suggests that she is about to dance with that other person, but may be open to a dance later on.

5. Lady gives the “I’m exhausted” signal, and waits for a reaction

6. Lady rolls her eyes and gives the “you’re being silly” look

Once I have established eye contact, I think my request has never been ignored. I either get a positive response (75% to 95% of the time, depending on venue) or a negative one (5% to 25% of the time).


...[I]f you're asking for the second dance surely you can get your mouth 5 inches away from her ear, and speak slowly just two words 'Another dance?'.
Yes, it certainly is easier to use words once the lady is close by. When I originally started this thread, I was assuming there were simply some body language signals that I was missing. From this thread, it would appear that there isn’t a universal non-verbal mechanism for the second dance (except possibly the “raised eyebrow” look), so I may indeed need to continue with the verbal approach.

[TiggsTours]

In reply to my non-verbal first-dance requests, here are the most common replies I can think of, off the top of my head:

AFFIRMATIVE REPLIES

1. Lady smiles, stands up, offers her hand(s), and we walk toward the dance floor.

2. Lady enthusiastically jumps up and we rush toward the floor

3. Lady nodes affirmatively

4. Lady offers her hand(s), but keeps looking around the dance floor, even as we dance


NEGATIVE REPLIES

1. Lady gives a subtle left-right nodding of the head

2. Lady gives the “no more” signal with her hand, and nods her head left-right

3. Lady gives the “I’m drinking something” signal with her hand

4. Lady gives the “two fingers” attention signal with her right hand, the stop/pause signal with her left hand, and then points to someone else. This suggests that she is about to dance with that other person, but may be open to a dance later on.

5. Lady gives the “I’m exhausted” signal, and waits for a reaction

6. Lady rolls her eyes and gives the “you’re being silly” look

Once I have established eye contact, I think my request has never been ignored. I either get a positive response (75% to 95% of the time, depending on venue) or a negative one (5% to 25% of the time).


Yes, it certainly is easier to use words once the lady is close by. When I originally started this thread, I was assuming there were simply some body language signals that I was missing. From this thread, it would appear that there isn’t a universal non-verbal mechanism for the second dance (except possibly the “raised eyebrow” look), so I may indeed need to continue with the verbal approach.

Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?

[New_to_London]

Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?
Yep. I can’t help it!!

I’m just a member of that “problem solving” species who goes to his cave, to figure things out, and then emerges with a solution. At least, I don’t think “out loud” like some other people do. :-) Rest assured that after a few hours of dancing, my “thinking” skills do seem to fade. :-)

[latinlover]

:confused: :confused: :confused:

is it me?????

I guess this is what happens when you start to analyse....
or you don't have enough to do in the day......

personally I just get on with it :cheers:

[bigdjiver]

:confused: :confused: :confused:

is it me?????

I guess this is what happens when you start to analyse....
or you don't have enough to do in the day......

personally I just get on with it :cheers: :yeah: If I want another dance, and I have more to offer, I just ask for it. How many dances I have had before does not come into it. To the best of my memoryl I have danced all evening with one beginner who kept wanting more, at the Leopard Lounge..

[Daisy Chain]

:yeah: but don't mouth the word 'colourful' to anyone, it comes out at something completely different! :what: :whistle:

they all rush to the nearest mirrors! :rofl:

*rushes back from mirror* Well, I had several goes and couldn't see anything but "colourful" until PM Chain suggested that it might help NOT to say the word out loud :blush:

Daisy

(A Lipreading Little Flower)

PS I'd just like to say "colourful" to Donny Osmond and Terry Wogan