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JoC
11th-July-2005, 06:38 PM
I know there's been much discussion on dance-asking-etiquette, but the saying no thread got me thinking about the angle of approach, especially with unknowns...

So, do you prefer it with strangers from the front, from behind, from the side or some other angle or means? With eye contact or simply by a tap on the arm or shoulder?

I confess I often find myself sloping up to people hoping they don't notice until the last minute then sink fangs into helpless victim and drag onto floor, get out whip and order them to dance for me now! Whoops... I meant I tap on shoulder and ask if they'd like a dance and if necessary fall at feet begging.

I don't know if this is to avoid being 'rejected' from a distance. I am also now questioning my own non-verbal signals, I sometimes find myself looking away or down out of shyness. (I know it's pathetic and I'm working on it!) Helps avoid cases of making a eejit of oneself by grinning away at someone only to realise they didn't mean you at all!

And with a new anxiety of the day, I now go dancing :D

bigdjiver
11th-July-2005, 07:35 PM
In general the simple fact of touching the person you are asking improves your chances of acceptance. It is part of beggar lore, confirmed by experiment, and the source of the expression "I touched him for a fiver".

David Bailey
11th-July-2005, 08:02 PM
Depends whether they're facing you or not. If facing, I usually smile (grimace? Who knows...) and hold out my hand, hopefully in a non-threatening and invitational way...

But if approaching from behind, I think a very gentle tap on the shoulder is perfectly acceptable, especially for noisy venues. Then when she turns around it's into the smile / gesture thing.


And with a new anxiety of the day, I now go dancing :D
You and me both ... now :eek:

ducasi
11th-July-2005, 08:29 PM
I've read/seen somewhere that when approaching a woman, a direct straight-on approach is best, and you should avoid taking a woman by surprise by creeping up beside or behind them. I guess that just makes sense.

But when approaching a man you should avoid a direct approach, and instead come in off to the side a bit. Apparently this is because, instinctively, a direct square-on approach from a stranger can be taken as threatening.

(This extends to where to sit in relation to unfamiliar men and women. Women prefer other people to sit in front of them where they can see what's going on, while men prefer people to sit anywhere apart from directly in front. Just think about where you sit on a train or in a cafe, and where you want others to sit in relation to you.)

So... Back to dancing... I don't know if I apply this knowledge to my approaches. Maybe... Let's think a bit about eye-contact instead...

When I am approaching a woman, I'll usually avoid looking at her in case she runs away (to hide or with another guy) until I'm near enough to be sure I can make proper eye-contact and then I'll verbally ask her. This is, I guess, really to avoid the embarrassment of crossing all the way round the floor and then missing my quarry. This way I can pretend I'm just going to the bar or for a better view. :nice:

I really don't like to ask women who I have been unable to make eye-contact with, as it can take them by surprise, and they may have been trying to hide from me (or from everybody.) :tears:

When I'm asked to dance, it's often by women who have taken me by surprise from the side. Perhaps they're just trying to avoid embarrassment too. Maybe they have actually been trying to make eye contact and I'm too stupid to realise it. :confused:

I don't deliberately avoid eye-contact except with people I do not want to dance with. Dancing is an eye-contact sport, and to get good eye contact from the start adds to the enjoyment, hopefully for both participants. :nice:

(Oh yeah, plus what Big D said, and something i need to work on – it's a contact sport too, (as is life,) and just a simple touch can change how you feel in an instant. :grin:)

(Another "oh yeah"... As DJ said, a smile is good too. :D)

Lory
11th-July-2005, 09:15 PM
I saw the title and wondered if it was one of those threads that was going to need moderating to 'upstairs' :whistle:

BTW, I'm not fussy, as long as they smile! :na:

Andreas
12th-July-2005, 12:06 AM
BTW, I'm not fussy, as long as they smile! :na:

I so agree. There is hardly anything worse than dancing with somebody who you asked (or worse how asked you) and then looks like a lemon, eradiating visible to everybody that somehow they don't really want to dance with you.


My favourite approach is "oi, you! dance, now, here!" Works a dream, I think, haven't tried in a while :rofl: :rofl:

Anna
12th-July-2005, 12:12 AM
My favourite approach is "oi, you! dance, now, here!" Works a dream, I think, haven't tried in a while

You stole that approach off me ! ;)

Andreas
12th-July-2005, 07:07 AM
You stole that approach off me ! ;)

Just goes to show that I can learn, too :rofl:

Rhythm King
12th-July-2005, 12:10 PM
I prefer it if people actually ask. I can't be doing with people who just come and stand in one's personal space for a minute, then storm off, if not immediately requested for a dance. As I've said elsewhere, I won't usually turn down invitations without a valid reason, and if I do I will try to get back to them later.

R-K

Dizzy
12th-July-2005, 12:20 PM
I don't think that it matters to me which angle I approach from or am approached from.

A lot of the time, I tend to grab men as they are coming off the dancefloor from the last dance so will approach them from the back, give a tap on the shoulder and ask while giving a big smile. :D

The technique tends to work!! :flower:

Anna
12th-July-2005, 12:25 PM
wandering over to an unsuspecting victim and saying demurely "can i drag u up for a dance? *puppy eyes*" before completely wearing them out works a treat too! :grin:

- (anna, master of surprise.. or should i say mistress.. :waycool: )

Andy McGregor
12th-July-2005, 12:30 PM
I usually just walk up to strangers and say "fancy a dance?" or even "dance?". The best approach I've received is the women who bounce up to you and say, in a fairly loud voice;
"ME, ME, ME"

Anna
12th-July-2005, 12:32 PM
true thats a good one.. lately i've been lazy.. i dont even talk, just make eye contact and point to the floor.. although on saturday night at this salsa club i kicked this guy i know in the shin and then pointed and that was just as effective :grin:

JoC
12th-July-2005, 01:17 PM
Have concluded that I don't mind how I'm asked, you can offer a hand, shout 'oi you - here now!', sneak up from behind and put your arms round me and shimmy me onto the floor, just point at me then at the floor in front of you, sling me over your shoulder (as long as it looks dignified of course) approach from side, back, front, below, above...

I will still most likely fall over my own feet to accept. :D

Still have the dilemma over whether to look at people who may or may not be approaching, I'm sure I could scare them off either way!

Martin
12th-July-2005, 10:13 PM
The worst for me, is the "stand on the floor, metres away from you, holding out your hand" - especially if it is someone I do not know well.

The best is, someone who comes and sits on my lap, or next to me and talks to me for a few minutes, then asks if would like a dance - well how can you say no, when she has been respectful enough to chat for a while. :kiss: :flower:

Andreas
13th-July-2005, 12:10 AM
wandering over to an unsuspecting victim and saying demurely "can i drag u up for a dance? *puppy eyes*" before completely wearing them out works a treat too! :grin:

That, you have copied from me. Though, I don't say 'drag'. I ask more politely but then do drag them on the floor, over the floor and subsequently off the floor. :rofl: