Quotable quotes

[Swinging bee]

I like collecting those really smart and funny Quotes...for instance......On sex......... by Woody Allen......."It's the most fun I ever had without laughing".... What's yours?....

[philsmove]

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens

Woody Allen again

[Yliander]

“Pain looks great on other people that’s what they’re for”
Sisters of Mercy

For the pure of spirit and tarnished flesh – The Misson

[bigdjiver]

Time wounds all heels. Groucho Marx

[Stuart]

Another Woody Allen quote:

"Not only is God dead but is impossible to get a plumber on a Sunday"

[Swinging bee]

Economists are trying to work out why the girl with the least principles draws the most interest....anon..

I love criticism, just as long as it's unqualified praise ... Noel Coward

She's rather like Venus De milo...beautiful but not all there.....Anon.

[El Salsero Gringo]

Here are some by Mae West:

"When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better."

"Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you."

"A hard man is good to come by..." (OK, I adapted that one a little.)

[Bangers & Mash]

Eternity is a really long time, especially towards the end.

The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck. And the neck can turn the head whichever way it wants!

[Stuart]

"Strength is the ability to break a king-size Fruit & Nut bar into tiny pieces - and then eat just one of them" - comedian Ross Noble

[Bangers & Mash]

we have discovered massive weapons of destruction and they can be deployed in 45 minutes

Lots of planets have a North!
(DR Who)

[angelique]

Remeber, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent

Eleanor Roosevelt


:clap: :worthy:

[Tiggerbabe]

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. Lane Olinghouse

[Tiggerbabe]

Two from Zsa Zsa Gabor -

"I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back."

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."

[bigdjiver]

"If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing" Kingsley Amis

[Swinging bee]

as for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than I do chemists...anon


The cow is of the bovine ilk,at one end moo and the other one milk.

Great restaurants are, of course, nothing but mouth brothels. There is no point going to them if one intends to keep one's belt buckled.....Frederick Raphael.

[azande]

That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed. - Neil Gaiman

[Clive Long]

Here are some by Mae West:
<< snip >>

Mae West again (probably there's a life-time supply) - the one I like

(one hand on hip, one hand puffing very large hair-do)

"it's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men"

[Sparkles]

I do everything Fred Astaire does, but I can do it backwards and in high-heels - Ginger Rogers

[Clive Long]

One that resonates with me

"I don't forgive, but I do forget"

Mark Barrowcliffe, "Girlfriend 44"

[David Bailey]

I do everything Fred Astaire does, but I can do it backwards and in high-heels - Ginger Rogers
:yeah: although I believe that was said about her, rather than by her? Which makes it even better of course.

[Sparkles]

:yeah: although I believe that was said about her, rather than by her? Which makes it even better of course.
I knew someone would correct that :rolleyes: :cheers:
(that'll teach me to check my facts before posting :blush: )
S. x

[Swinging bee]

"Midges and jellyfish are good for b...er all! " fishing boat captain.

"A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted". Helen Rowland.

A word and a stone, once launched,cannot be recalled.

[Tiggerbabe]

My favourite Mae West one :D

"Goodness, what beautiful diamonds."
"Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie."

and then there's Sophia Loren:

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. :wink:

[Tiggerbabe]

And one more - Chauncey Depew

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad.
An optimist is one who hopes they are :wink:

[Stuart]

Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken - Jonathon Swift

[Clive Long]

I knew someone would correct that :rolleyes: :cheers:
(that'll teach me to check my facts before posting :blush: )
S. x
Few of us do my dear - which gives others the opportunity to pick them up on it. :wink:

The inter-web thingy provides pages of quotes (which is a cheat compared to (against?) those people who genuinely remember them). However, I found the following which appeal to me - I guess the quotes you like say much about one's outlook on life.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. -Jimmy Durante

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. -Mark T

Don't worry about avoiding temptation ... As you grow older it avoids you. -Winston Churchill

(As much as I can remember it) Thomas Beecham to a struggling lady second cellist, "Madam, between your legs you have an object capable of great beauty and all you can do is sit there and scratch it"

[David Bailey]

Pretty much anything ever written by the late great Douglas Adams is quoteworthy. Bearing in mind the first-up-against-the-wall thread, however:

----------------------
"The marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as 'Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With.'

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as "a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes,"

Curiously enough, an edition of the Encyclopaedia Galactica that had the good fortune to fall through a time warp from a thousand years in the future defined the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as 'a bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came.'"
----------------------

Amazingly, this was written pre-Windows...

[baldrick]

Never put off till tomorrow waht you can put off to the day after :wink:

[philsmove]

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.
~ Beverly Sills ~

[Swinging bee]

Gardener...."A rambling rose is not so good in a bed but ok against a wall".... "Sounds like my wife "ANON

[Purple Sparkler]

Pretty much anything ever written by the late great Douglas Adams is quoteworthy.

Amen to that!

"The spaceships hung in the air in exactly the way that bricks don't."

"Wow. That ship is amazing. That really is amazing. That's so amazingly amazing I think I'd like to steal it"

Plus pretty much everything that Marvin the Paranoid Android says.

Also, to add a couple of non-Adams quotes:

"I'm tired of being pure and not chased." Eartha Kitt

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to" -both the last two from the great Dorothy Parker.

"If fire-fighters fight fire, and crime-fighters fight crime, then what do freedom fighters fight?" George Carlin

[philsmove]

Humphrey Lyttelton
"Samantha tells me she’s off with a team of local paramedics this evening. They’re so excited at the thought, they just can’t wait for her to arrive so they can get their ambulance and stretcher out for the night."

rats wrong thread againe :blush: