Compliments

[Andreas]

We have had a thread about what compliments one has received. Now here is one on: How do you react to compliments?

[drathzel]

i am actually genuinely embarressed when i get compliments! Although they tend to stay with me i do find it hard to accept them! :hug:

[Yliander]

I vote for embarressed - am always a little uncomfortable when people compliment me - but do as i was taught by my mother and smile and say thank you. But am also flattered, that my dancing made that much impression that they are prompted to actually say something to me.

would have been good if could vote for multiple options

[ChrisA]

i am actually genuinely embarressed when i get compliments! Although they tend to stay with me i do find it hard to accept them! :hug:
So would you prefer never to get compliments? :confused:

Something that's genuinely embarrassing is usually something where I'd rather be able to turn the clock back a few seconds and prevent it happening at all.

Whereas even if a compliment feels undeserved it's still nicer to have than not to have, surely?

[drathzel]

So would you prefer never to get compliments? :confused:

Something that's genuinely embarrassing is usually something where I'd rather be able to turn the clock back a few seconds and prevent it happening at all.

Whereas even if a compliment feels undeserved it's still nicer to have than not to have, surely?


I'm not sure if i would say that i would prefer not to get them but i do know that i do get embarressed. I have not been dancing that long and when i get a compliment i still feel as though i dont deserve it! :blush:

[TheTramp]

Embarrassed. Though it is nice.

Don't think that it means that you have to turn any clock back...

[ducasi]

I hope that I receive compliments they way I'd hope them to be received.

I usually say what I mean, so if I compliment someone on their dancing, I normally mean it.

I won't tell someone they're a good or even great dancer if I don't think they were. Instead I'd say something like "thanks for the dance, it was fun!" - which doesn't actually say much about how much my partner contributed to anything! :whistle:

I give a compliment to make the recipient feel better about themselves, and maybe feel better about me and thus maybe want to dance with me more. :flower:

So, when I get a compliment, I might feel a little embarrassed, but definitely more flattered and motivated. It'll certainly encourage me to go back for more.

Of course, it also depends who's giving the compliment. I might feel a little indifferent about a compliment from a partner who didn't actually seem to enjoy the dance that much. :really:

The worse thing you can do with a compliment is ignore it or imply that you don't deserve it. Think of giving a compliment as like giving flowers. Anything less than a gracious acknowledgement is really going to feel like a kick in the teeth. :tears:

[El Salsero Gringo]

The best way to take a compliment is to say (or at least to think) how kind the other person is for taking the trouble to say whatever it is they've said.

It works whether you feel you've deserved the praise or not, and it's undoubtedly true - it *is* kind of them to say something nice, and acknowledging that allows you to give something positive back by telling them so.

[Andreas]

So would you prefer never to get compliments? :confused:

Something that's genuinely embarrassing is usually something where I'd rather be able to turn the clock back a few seconds and prevent it happening at all.

Whereas even if a compliment feels undeserved it's still nicer to have than not to have, surely?

Would you be surprised if I said yes to your first question? The compliment to me is if ladies like to dance with me and come and aks for a dance. When the compliment me then this is discomforting because I know I am far from perfect ...

If the dance was a lot of fun then this should sufficient for a compliment, would't you think?

:flower:

[cheeks]

I do find myself becoming embarassed when given a compliment but at the same time flattered and motivated by it. I always feel that it can be just as difficult for some people to give a compliment as it can be to recieve one and always hope I accept it in the same way it has been given. :flower:


I have experienced close friends paying compliments and them being taken out of context which in turn made the individual paying the compliment doubt themselves and worry about what they had done wrong. Again some people can see a compliment being paid in a negative way when they think that the compliment had never been given before so does that mean that they used to be a crap dancer etc etc .

I feel a lot of giving and recieving compliments can be very much dictated by past experiences and does have a great deal of focus on your own self esteem and confidence........maybe there should be classes on this subject to ....................

:hug:


Cheeks

[Andreas]

It works whether you feel you've deserved the praise or not, and it's undoubtedly true - it *is* kind of them to say something nice, and acknowledging that allows you to give something positive back by telling them so.

Let me just be facetious for a second :P Could it also be they compliment you because they want you to say something about their dancing? :whistle:


I think the problem with compliments is that they have become part of etiquette rather than representing the honest opinion of that person. :what:

:cheers:

[ducasi]

The best way to take a compliment is to say (or at least to think) how kind the other person is for taking the trouble to say whatever it is they've said.

It works whether you feel you've deserved the praise or not, and it's undoubtedly true - it *is* kind of them to say something nice, and acknowledging that allows you to give something positive back by telling them so. I disagree.

I can feel the difference between "how kind of you ..." :what: and "thank you". :nice:

When I give a complement I'm not trying to be kind. But maybe I'm over sensitive. Actually, I know I am. :tears:

[cheeks]

When I give a complement I'm not trying to be kind. But maybe I'm over sensitive. Actually, I know I am. :tears:



:hug: :hug:

[ducasi]

:hug: :hug: Thanks - I needed that! :flower: :hug:

[El Salsero Gringo]

I disagree.
I can feel the difference between "how kind of you ..." :what: and "thank you". :nice:

When I give a complement I'm not trying to be kind. But maybe I'm over sensitive. Actually, I know I am. :tears:For sure, you're not thanking them for trying to be kind - you're acknowledging that giving someone a complement *is* a voluntary act of kindness. They didn't need to say anything at all, after all.

There aren't many worse responses to a complement than something like this:

"You're a fabulous dancer."
"Oh no I'm not."

except perhaps this:

"You're a fabulous dancer."
"Yes, I know."

To me, this works much better (and is equally applicable in circumstances where the previous two replies might come to your lips.)

"You're fabulous dancer."
"Do you think so? How kind of you to say so!"

And, Andreas, if they're fishing for complements like you suggest they might be, pointing out their kindness obviates the need for you to come up with something nice to say about their dancing - unless you want to, of course.

I read a book once (unbelievable but true) about performance. It had some interesting advice on how to take a bow graciously. It pointed out that if you said to yourself, very clearly (as if you were addressing the applauding audience) "Thank you very much for your appreciation. I'm very glad that you liked how I just performed..." then your body language would avoid any hint of triumphalism or pride.

[cheeks]

Thanks - I needed that! :flower: :hug:


Your welcome babes.

:hug:

Anytime

:flower:

[Zebra Woman]

I disagree.

I can feel the difference between "how kind of you ..." :what: and "thank you". :nice:

When I give a complement I'm not trying to be kind. But maybe I'm over sensitive. Actually, I know I am. :tears:

Agree with you Ducasi a simple "Thank you" is the only response I'm after. I prefer not to hear a long list of denials, although a little modest is nice. Even worse though is the 'Does that mean I was crap before?' type of paranoid response....aarrgghh


If I gave a compliment I like to think it would be spontaneous and genuine. I am certainly not looking for a compliment in return. If one was offered I would take it with a pinch of salt as it would look like an exchange.

[Andreas]

If I gave a compliment I like to think it would be spontaneous and genuine. I am certainly not looking for a compliment in return. If one was offered I would take it with a pinch of salt as it would look like an exchange.

dito :yeah: :flower:

[ducasi]

For sure, you're not thanking them for trying to be kind - you're acknowledging that giving someone a complement *is* a voluntary act of kindness. They didn't need to say anything at all, after all. But as I said, I wasn't trying to be kind, and I wasn't complimenting them on how observant they are. And they're acknowledging the kindness and not the compliment.

Any reply to an compliment that doesn't acknowledge or have an indication of thanks for the compliment itself isn't sufficient.

Imagine you have just given a big bunch of flowers to a girl. She ignores them, but says "How kind of you!" How do you feel?

If you say "you're a fabulous dancer" and she says "do you really think so?" that's at least an acknowledgement, and suggests that she is moved by it. If she just says "How kind of you", it doesn't actually tell you how she felt.

It says to me that she doesn't actually care at all.

[El Salsero Gringo]

But as I said, I wasn't trying to be kind, and I wasn't complimenting them on how observant they are. And they're acknowledging the kindness and not the compliment.

Any reply to an compliment that doesn't acknowledge or have an indication of thanks for the compliment itself isn't sufficient.

Imagine you have just given a big bunch of flowers to a girl. She ignores them, but says "How kind of you!"

{snip}

It says to me that she doesn't actually care at all.

Who says she ignores them and says "how kind of you!". What about a big beaming smile, an inhalation of their fresh scent, and a "how kind of you!", along of course with a big kiss on the cheek?

But this is a silly thing to argue about. Perhaps it's all in the tone of voice and the eyes, since you can take any form of words and make it sound insincere if you try hard enough.

[cheeks]

Is it not that by someone simply saying thankyou or just giving a smile a nice feeling that when you have paid someone a genuine compliment or recieved one they can tell this by your body language as well as your words. Sometimes in life there is not a need for words and someone's reaction whether be a smile a hug or that embarassed look tells a story of it's own......



:flower:

[Baruch]

I used to feel a bit embarrassed when I got a compliment. I always thought, "She's just saying that." Not any more, though. Now I find it really motivating when I get a compliment. After all, nobody has to compliment me, so I usually take it at face value, say thanks, and feel good about it. Of course, there's always the odd one that gives the impression that she's giving a compliment more for something to say than for any other reason, but IMO these are in the minority.

[ducasi]

Who says she ignores them and says "how kind of you!". What about a big beaming smile, an inhalation of their fresh scent, and a "how kind of you!", along of course with a big kiss on the cheek? OK, if I compliment a girl on her dancing and she does all this, I won't feel slighted. :wink:

But this is a silly thing to argue about. Perhaps it's all in the tone of voice and the eyes, since you can take any form of words and make it sound insincere if you try hard enough. I don't think it's a silly thing to argue about, but you're right here -- and ignoring what is said, I think every compliment needs a sincere acknowledgement, however that is communicated.

And that acknowledgement needs to be focused on the person giving the compliment, rather than on the kindness, the flowers, or any other factor.

[Magic Hans]

Generally speaking, I'll feel flattered, although it does depend who the compliment is coming from:

If coming from:

a) someone I admire for their dancing, then I am deeply flattered.
b) someone I fancy, then flattered, and a little bit shy.
c) someone who I think might fancy me, a little suspicious.
d) none of the above, a little flattered.

Straight up ... that's me!!

:D

Ian

PS. I didn't used to be able to take compliments at all. Case of I didn't think that I was worth the compliment. [eg "Nice jacket", reply "Oh, it was only a fiver from Oxfam/Tradex/Sales - or wherever]. A case of my lack of self-worth IMHO.

Now, I consider it polite to accept a genuinely offered compliment graciously. To reject or "rubbish" a compliment effectively casts doubt on the complimentor's opinion and is effectively a criticism!!!! Had I considered it a criticism before, I could never have rejected compliments!

[Lory]

I'm amazed, :eek: I never for one minute realised that people found giving or receiving compliments so hard :confused:

If I think someone looks nice, smells nice, dances well, made me laugh, had a new hair cut, got new shoes, lost weight, got a nice dress/shirt on, been to the gym/put some muscle on, perfected a move, hit a break or all manor of other things, I find absolutely NO problem complimenting them!

I just don't see the big deal?

If your thinking something and you know it's going to make someone else happy that you've noticed, then why not :confused: It's so B**** easy!

I absolutely LOVE it if anyone says something nice to me (that is, IF it's genuine)

I'm often very surprised but ALWAYS flattered! :na:

[Clive Long]

<< snip >>

PS. I didn't used to be able to take compliments at all. Case of I didn't think that I was worth the compliment. [eg "Nice jacket", reply "Oh, it was only a fiver from Oxfam/Tradex/Sales - or wherever]. A case of my lack of self-worth IMHO.

Me too - but it is so rare to receive a compliment or deserve one I rarely get put in such a position :tears: :devil:

Although someone once did say I was beautiful - on the inside. How they could see in there is quite beyond me.



Now, I consider it polite to accept a genuinely offered compliment graciously. To reject or "rubbish" a compliment effectively casts doubt on the complimentor's opinion and is effectively a criticism!!!!

:yeah:

Clive

[cheeks]

Me too - but it is so rare to receive a compliment or deserve one I rarely get put in such a position :tears: :devil:
Clive


CL you have a wonderful way with words and are very good at putting your point across in a way thats allows people to see more of you with out physicality coming into the equation...... :wink:


Cheeks
:flower:

[Cruella]

Let me just be facetious for a second :P Could it also be they compliment you because they want you to say something about their dancing? :whistle:


I think the problem with compliments is that they have become part of etiquette rather than representing the honest opinion of that person. :what:

:cheers:

I can honestly say i would only compliment the guy if i had thoroughly enjoyed the dance. As i did with you Andreas at Ashtons on friday!!
Never would it be to fish for compliments in return. Most of us find compliments embarrassing because we have low self esteem. Although flattering we are never quite sure that we deserve them. :what:
The biggest compliment is if your dance partner asks you for another dance! :D

[David Bailey]

I absolutely LOVE it if anyone says something nice to me (that is, IF it's genuine)
You're a gorgeous dancer Lory - plus, lovely outfit on Sat.
:hug:
:grin:

[Piglet]

I'm definitely motivated by compliments if they are given by someone I have lots of "ceroc" respect for. Especially if the compliment is in reference to some way my dancing has improved.

[David Bailey]

I'm definitely motivated by compliments if they are given by someone I have lots of "ceroc" respect for. Especially if the compliment is in reference to some way my dancing has improved.
Excellent point - if I get a "you're a great dancer" from someone I know and respect (dancewise), it's Cloud 9 time for me all evening. On the other hand, if it's from someone at their first lesson, it's nice, but (being brutal) let's face it, what do they know? :)

[MartinHarper]

I guess my favourite sort of compliment is one that comes during the dance. If something happens that my partner likes, it's great to get some positive feedback. Doesn't have to be a big thing: with some women, it's just a little nod, a brief smile, or a mouthed "yes".

[Lynn]

Giving compliments - easy. I only give a compliment if I mean it, though there are times I will deliberately find something positive to say if I think the person needs to hear it, but it would only be something I actually meant, not what I thought they wanted to hear.

Getting compliments - I can be embarrassed.

PS. I didn't used to be able to take compliments at all. Case of I didn't think that I was worth the compliment. [eg "Nice jacket", reply "Oh, it was only a fiver from Oxfam/Tradex/Sales - or wherever]. A case of my lack of self-worth IMHO. I do this (though its partly a case of I love bargain hunting so don't mind telling people how little something cost!). But how I take a compliment depends probably not so much as my feeling of self worth, as my perception of my ability in that area. Although I always try to mean what I say, I know other people sometimes try to say nice things to be nice, so I would wonder if they meant it or were trying to be positive. I would rather have a simple positive comment that was meant, than praise where it wasn't due.

I remember going dancing in London, I had only been dancing a few weeks and an hour after the evening had ended, when walking past one of the guys I had danced with earlier, he made a nice comment about my dancing. I was a beginner, he was probably trying to be positive, whatever the reason, it was encouraging and motivating.

I think the best way to respond to a compliment, is with a smile and a 'thank you'! :hug:

[Lynn]

If your thinking something and you know it's going to make someone else happy that you've noticed, then why not :confused: ! :yeah:


I absolutely LOVE it if anyone says something nice to me (that is, IF it's genuine) :yeah:

[CJ]

Excellent point - if I get a "you're a great dancer" from someone I know and respect (dancewise), it's Cloud 9 time for me all evening. On the other hand, if it's from someone at their first lesson, it's nice, but (being brutal) let's face it, what do they know? :)

I would venture that THEY know....

enough to realise that they enjoyed their dance with you and that, not realising perhaps what a condescending turd they were dancing with, felt they wanted to say something nice.

[El Salsero Gringo]

I would venture that THEY know....

enough to realise that they enjoyed their dance with you and that, not realising perhaps what a condescending turd they were dancing with, felt they wanted to say something nice.

Point of order, Mr. Speaker. Would the honourable member care to apologize to the said condescending turd for his abusive description which is clearly unbecoming to one of such stature, and inaccurate to boot?

[CJ]

Point of order, Mr. Speaker. Would the honourable member care to apologize to the said condescending turd for his abusive description which is clearly unbecoming to one of such stature, and inaccurate to boot?
...
No.

[John S]

It's a shame that a thread about "compliments", with people being nice to each other, should descend to the trading of insults (however well-worded they might be!) :sad:

Remember, to have the last word in an argument, just say "Sorry!"

[El Salsero Gringo]

It's a shame that a thread about "compliments", with people being nice to each other, should descend to the trading of insults (however well-worded they might be!) :sad:

Remember, to have the last word in an argument, just say "Sorry!"

Interesting point. Although I don't see much trading going on - the only insult was handed out free and gratis.

By the way, don't you think an insult is just a special kind of compliment? It shows that someone cares...

[David Bailey]

Remember, to have the last word in an argument, just say "Sorry!"
Sorry - on re-reading, I do sound like a prat :sad:

What I was trying to say, admittedly poorly, was that the level of judgement we all had as beginners was such that everyone seemed a great dancer, so we couldn't differentiate well. However, the more experienced dancers can "grade" better, so I personally value compliments from them as more, I dunno, flattering. Again, sorry, I'll read my posts more carefully next time before posting!

[ducasi]

What I was trying to say, admittedly poorly, was that the level of judgement we all had as beginners was such that everyone seemed a great dancer, so we couldn't differentiate well. As a beginner, I think I can differentiate.

OK, I might not be able to say that person X has a better style than person Y, while person Z has a greater connection with the music. But I can tell when someone knows what they are doing, and is doing it well.

Just because I'm not a guitarist, doesn't mean I can't tell the difference between a good and a bad musician. I can also usually tell the difference between a good guitarist and a great one. I don't need to know how they do their thing to hear the difference.

And so it's the same on the dance-floor. I can tell when I'm dancing with someone "good" and I can tell when I'm dancing with someone not-so-good.

So, when I, as I mere beginner say "hey, you're a pretty good dancer", chances are I'm right, even if you don't think so.

I hear someone saying "but compared to you, they'll all be pretty good dancers". Yeah, but I wasn't comparing then to myself, as I don't always know how good or bad I am. Instead I'm comparing them against all the people I've danced with, and all the people I've watched dance.

But maybe it all comes down to what makes a dancer "good".

:cheers:

[ducasi]

I'm amazed, :eek: I never for one minute realised that people found giving or receiving compliments so hard :confused: I guess it comes down to your own experience and self-worth.

When you aren't used to handing out compliments easily then each compliment is like a gift, wrapped up in ribbons and tied with a bow. As we've seen here, some people have difficulty accepting compliments. And so your gift gets dropped on the floor, and you feel like you've been stepped on. Thus it becomes harder and harder to give compliments away for fear of being hurt.

But then, some people can shower whole rooms with compliments and not care how they are received. Lucky folks. Maybe these people have had sufficiently positive feedback to feel good enough about giving the compliment to not worry about the reaction.

For the fearful compliment-giver, it also depends on who the compliment is for - a compliment ignored by someone you especially value is going to cause even more hurt.


If your thinking something and you know it's going to make someone else happy that you've noticed, then why not :confused: It's so B**** easy! Yep, you're right. And once I had realised this myself I found it a lot easier to compliment people.

I'm still not great at it though. Especially not face-to-face. :blush:

Anyway, a good technique to avoid embarrassment is to always follow up your compliment with a question. That way the receiver should only have time to get the smile and thank-you out of the way before they have to come up with an answer to the question and they don't then have time to feel embarrassed.

So rather than saying "hey, you're a great dancer" or "wow, like your new hair cut" you should say "hey, you're a great dancer, have you been doing this for a while?" or "wow, like your hair, is that a new style?"

Unfortunately, I'm better at the theory than the practice here. :sad:

[Gadget]

I never know how to respond to compliment; especially from beginners/improvers - I always thank them for the compliment and the dance, but when folk put you on a pedastool it's hard to accept when you see so many other brilliant dancers about that you rate as better than yourself.

Compliments from good dancers have me walking on air. Compliments from other leads have me grinning from ear to ear. Especially if it's an "inspirational" type one. :D :D

Giving compliments - I'm sorry to say that i'm not that imaginative on the dance floor at the end of a track; a simple, but heart-felt "thank you" is my normal comment. I think I need to work on that. :blush:

[CJ]

Sorry - on re-reading, I do sound like a prat :sad:

What I was trying to say, admittedly poorly, was that the level of judgement we all had as beginners was such that everyone seemed a great dancer, so we couldn't differentiate well. However, the more experienced dancers can "grade" better, so I personally value compliments from them as more, I dunno, flattering. Again, sorry, I'll read my posts more carefully next time before posting!

No, no... I'M sorry!!

Seriusly, my post wash harsher than it needed to be and, in truth, than I wanted it to be.

Point made, and we can now stop for Ribena...
:cheers:

[Petal]

I
I feel a lot of giving and recieving compliments can be very much dictated by past experiences and does have a great deal of focus on your own self esteem and confidence........maybe there should be classes on this subject to ....................

:hug:
Cheeks

:yeah:

That's always been my problem in the past, until one of my favourite dancers complimented me, and was surprised by my unconfident response, and told me "When you receive a compliment, just smile and say thankyou, take it on face value" and i try to do that, although i don't always succeed.

[Lynn]

:yeah:

That's always been my problem in the past, until one of my favourite dancers complimented me, and was surprised by my unconfident response, and told me "When you receive a compliment, just smile and say thankyou, take it on face value" and i try to do that, although i don't always succeed. Sound advice, I try to do that too. Whether the person genuinely thinks it, or are maybe trying to be encouraging - the point is, they said it to say something nice to you and even if you don't actually believe them, its still a 'gift' from them to you (liked that analogy!).

I really love it if I get dance related compliments. When I was dancing with someone at Scarborough, he complimented my dancing from the evening before when he saw me dancing with someone else. That was lovely, he had noticed something nice, and remembered it, and took the time to say it :hug:

[Katie]

Talking of compliments....it is sooo nice to receive one when you least expect it..........I was walking to my local newsagent ( :rolleyes: okay, its not dance-related but it made my day) this evening to get red bull/pepsi to keep myself awake til the morning (dissertation deadline tomorrow) and two guys approached me and said I looked 'buff' :what: :confused: - I asked what it meant and they said 'pretty' and thinking of this thread I took the compliment graciously.........the best thing was, was I hadn't made any effort whatsoever with they way I looked (hooded sweatshirt, baggy jeans, hair tied back, no make-up etc etc) :clap:

Anyway, thought i'd share it with you..... now back to the hard slog..... :sick:

[Sparkles]

Have decided to resurrect this thread for all the men on the forum to read through...

... for some reason lately there seems to have been a run of guys who are unable (or unwilling) to graciously accept a compliment :sad:.
There's some good advice here, if you're unsure of what to do :rolleyes: :whistle: :flower:

[Dreadful Scathe]

point taken :) thanks for any and all compliments I have ever received, i do tend to deny that i deserve compliments on occasion :(

[David Bailey]

Have decided to resurrect this thread for all the men on the forum to read through...

... for some reason lately there seems to have been a run of guys who are unable (or unwilling) to graciously accept a compliment :sad:.
There's some good advice here, if you're unsure of what to do :rolleyes: :whistle: :flower:
Yeah - like "don't compliment a man if you're a beginner", for example :innocent:

(Just to clarify, that's what I call a "joke"...)

[straycat]

Yeah - like "don't compliment a man if you're a beginner", for example :innocent:


... but feel free to insult him to your heart's content :devil:

[Beowulf]

Embarrassed but accepted graciously.

not 2 lessons done when someone told me I was one of their fave dancers..

felt very embarrassed about that as I was very new to this dancing thing.. couldn't possibly be THAT good. unless EVERY dancer was one of her favourite dancers ;)

[frodo]

...
not 2 lessons done when someone told me I was one of their fave dancers...

That is probably a helpful decent way to put a compliment, as it doesn't require a reply.

If I say "I look forward to dancing with you" or "I love dancing this song with you because ..." it doesn't need a reply, and a beginner saying it is not likely to offend anyone. It is also difficult to argue with.

Saying "You're a great dancer", or "You spin well" can be argued with and may need an acknowledgement of the compliment.

[ducasi]

Have decided to resurrect this thread for all the men on the forum to read through... Wow, I can't believe how much I posted on this thread first time around! And after only being on the forum (& dancing) for a month or so... :really:


There's some good advice here, if you're unsure of what to do :rolleyes: :whistle: :flower: Well if you're meaning anything I said, thank you. :nice: :flower: :wink:

[Beowulf]

well just to add my 1.7p + VAT to this thread.

some ladies need to be able to accept compliments too. I'm a bit liberal with my compliments I'll grant you that, but I don't just say them.. If I say a friend looks lovely then I genuinely mean it, I'm a great fan of the female form, think it's delightful in all it's shapes and sizes. But I'll compliment my male friends too.

But I'll pass a compliment on someone and she'll smile then give me a slightly scathing look and tell me off for fibbing. I MEAN IT!! If I say you look nice I MEAN YOU LOOK NICE !!

Are you listening Miss Knight? ;) :hug:

[drathzel]

i still get embarressed. I mean what is the best way to receive a compliment without seeming cocky or full of yourself. I suppose thank you works but it just doesnt seem like the correct reply when someone has been so nice

[straycat]

But I'll pass a compliment on someone and she'll smile then give me a slightly scathing look and tell me off for fibbing. I MEAN IT!! If I say you look nice I MEAN YOU LOOK NICE !!

Aaaaah. One the great avenues of miscommunication between men and women.

This is how things can be interpreted:

"You look really nice." = "I feel a compliment would go down well here, and this is a safe one."

It's a bit too wishy-washy.

By contrast:
"I love what you've done with your hair" = "I've paid attention to the way you look, I've noticed what you've done with your hair, and I like it! All that time and effort has paid off!" (This assumes that she's spent time making her hair look nice. If she thinks her hair looks terrible, you risk invalidating future compliments)


If a lady looks beautiful, certainly tell her so. But if you can bring into the compliment something more specific (in the right way - saying 'great tits', for example, is unlikely to go down well, even if you're carrying a book on British Wildlife by way of an excuse :devil: ), it's telling her that you're really paying attention to her.

[Alice]

If a lady looks beautiful, certainly tell her so. But if you can bring into the compliment something more specific (in the right way - saying 'great tits', for example, is unlikely to go down well, even if you're carrying a book on British Wildlife by way of an excuse :devil: ), it's telling her that you're really paying attention to her.
:yeah:
On the subject of general compliments, one tip I was given years ago was to follow a comment with a question- that way you give the other person a way to continue the conversation smoothly and without embarrassment. (Also makes it much harder for them to spend the next half hour negating your compliment:devil: )

ie Wow, that's a lovely dress you're wearing. Where did you get it?
Oh, thanks!! I got it at .... I was at the markets and........ etc

[Donna]

i still get embarressed. I mean what is the best way to receive a compliment without seeming cocky or full of yourself. I suppose thank you works but it just doesnt seem like the correct reply when someone has been so nice

I know exactly what you mean. It can feel a bit awkward if they just say for e.g - hmmm nice dress. What can you say to that without sounding like you're full of yourself. You feel like you can't agree with it in case they get the wrong impression, which then makes it feel even more awkward between you, but then even saying 'thanks' can sometimes feel awkward too. Plus it's not like you can't say anything at all and totally ignore the compliment otherwise you'd be seen as being arrogant. So, I think the only solution is when complimenting someone to avoid this embarrassment, is (like Alice said) to add something to the end of the end of the compliment maybe so you can make a bit of a conversation out of it.

what I tend to do is say 'thank you' anyway, and then look for something I can compliment them on..... and if I can't then.... I lie! :innocent: :rofl: Just kiddin! :grin: 9/10 I've always been able to pick at least one thing out to compliment somebody on.

[ducasi]

On the subject of general compliments, one tip I was given years ago was to follow a comment with a question ...
:yeah:

I'm sure there's an echo (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?p=112108#post112108) round here... :wink:

[LemonCake]

:yeah:

I'm sure there's an echo (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?p=112108#post112108) round here... :wink:


So have you managed to improve your practice to match your theoretical grasp in the intervening time? :flower:

[ducasi]

So have you managed to improve your practice to match your theoretical grasp in the intervening time? :flower:
Not especially. :(

[Dreadful Scathe]

So have you managed to improve your practice to match your theoretical grasp in the intervening time? :flower:

Ignore him, he has so. Ducasi is a very good dancer for the length of time hes been dancing - you can see he has a decent understanding of music and movement - whcih is the main things by anyones standards.

[Sparkles]

Ducasi is a very good dancer
:yeah:
... but he's still cr*p at accepting compliments :wink: :hug:

[Twirly]

I know exactly what you mean. It can feel a bit awkward if they just say for e.g - hmmm nice dress. What can you say to that without sounding like you're full of yourself. You feel like you can't agree with it in case they get the wrong impression, which then makes it feel even more awkward between you, but then even saying 'thanks' can sometimes feel awkward too. Plus it's not like you can't say anything at all and totally ignore the compliment otherwise you'd be seen as being arrogant. So, I think the only solution is when complimenting someone to avoid this embarrassment, is (like Alice said) to add something to the end of the end of the compliment maybe so you can make a bit of a conversation out of it.

what I tend to do is say 'thank you' anyway, and then look for something I can compliment them on..... and if I can't then.... I lie! :innocent: :rofl: Just kiddin! :grin: 9/10 I've always been able to pick at least one thing out to compliment somebody on.

Interesting discussion this – only just catching up with the latter part of it. I read somewhere many years ago that the English (and English women in particular) have a great problem with accepting compliments and do this negating thing that everyone is talking about. The article suggested that gracious acceptance is the nicest way to respond, and although it’s taken me years, I practised and now just smile with pleasant surprise and say thank you. How can that look big-headed? After all, so long as you haven’t been fishing for the compliment, it’s not coming from something you’ve done.

And I don’t agree with paying the compliment back immediately either – I think that has the effect of negating what they’ve said, and looks so contrived and false that I’d be embarrassed to do it. It’s pretty obvious that you wouldn’t have said it if they hadn’t. I would say “thank you, what a lovely thing to say” thus showing appreciation of their being so nice though, a sort of compliment on their personality if you like. The other thing that I tend to do is save it up, and then look for something else in the coming weeks/months that I can genuinely praise them for.

[ducasi]

:yeah:
... but he's still cr*p at accepting compliments :wink: :hug:
Thank you. :nice:

:hug:

(See, I'm trying! :na:)

[Alice]

Thank you. :nice:

:hug:

(See, I'm trying! :na:)
I don't think you've quite understood the concept yet.....

Let's try again:wink:

Ducasi, you are a lovely dancer. What brought you to start in the first place? :wink:

:hug:

[straycat]

Don't know why, but I'm suddenly reminded of one of these 'compliment gone wrong' moments. Setting was a student cocktail party, where they'd tried to set the mood by dimming the lighting right down. I was privilaged to watch a guy I knew go up to a girl that he really liked, and say:

"You know - you look really good in this light."

I knew what he meant by that, and so did she, but that didn't stop me collapsing in laughter (partly it was knowing he really thought he was paying her a huge compliment that did it...).

[ducasi]

I don't think you've quite understood the concept yet..... Well at least I think I'm getting better at accepting compliments – just not good at giving them – or remembering to add the diversionary question on afterwards...


Let's try again :wink:

Ducasi, you are a lovely dancer. What brought you to start in the first place? :wink:
That's the way to do it... :D (And thank-you for the compliment. :))

(Oh, and it looks like I forgot to thank DS for his comments too! Cheers! :))

OK, let me practice my compliments...

Alice, you're a lovely dancer... :flower: How long have you been dancing for?

One more...

Sparkles, you're also a really good dancer... :flower: Will you be at Southport in September?

See, I can do it when I try! :nice:

[Beowulf]

let me try..

Ducasi.. I saw you dance at Dundee and you're great. Look! is that the goodyear blimp?

hmm.. nope , something's not QUITE right there.. perhaps if I leave the bill and ted quote out..? ;)

[ducasi]

Ducasi.. I saw you dance at Dundee and you're great. Look! is that the goodyear blimp?
Where?!?! :really:

[Freya]

Ducasi.. I saw you dance at Dundee and you're great. Look! is that the goodyear blimp?

Where?!?! :really:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Alice]

OK, let me practice my compliments...

Alice, you're a lovely dancer... :flower: How long have you been dancing for?


Thank you my dear.... see, that wasn't so hard was it? :innocent: :hug:


Alternative answer:

A) WHAT??? How could you possibly say that? I can't dance to save my life/ that was a really bad dance/ you must be nuts- in fact you definitely are nuts to even think that!

B) Really? You think that? But on the second beat in that last song I twitched my finger in the wrong way and I (blah blah)

Now- which option do you prefer? :devil:

[Sparkles]

Sparkles, you're also a really good dancer... :flower: Will you be at Southport in September?

Thank you, that's very nice of you, although it's obvious that you prefer dancing with Alice as she is "lovely" where as I am merely "good" :( :wink:

Yes, I'll be at Southport... maybe we'll even get a few more dances this time (please)?

:hug:

[ducasi]

Thank you, that's very nice of you, although it's obvious that you prefer dancing with Alice as she is "lovely" where as I am merely "good" :( :wink: Alternatively, you're "also" good, while she's merely "lovely". ;)

You're both lovely, and really good – OK? :rolleyes:


Yes, I'll be at Southport... maybe we'll even get a few more dances this time (please)? I'll make sure of it. :nice:

[Freya]

Alternatively, you're "also" good, while she's merely "lovely". ;)

You're both lovely, and really good – OK? :rolleyes:


Me thinks you are digging to Aus!

[Alice]

Me thinks you are digging to Aus!
And what's wrong with that might I ask??? :devil:

Heaps of lovely (and good:whistle: ) dancers there.... :flower: (but I'm not, and I'd prefer to keep him slightly closer and more available to dance with)

Don't go, don't go....

[NZ Monkey]

Out of interest, does anyone else have an invisible devil sitting on their shoulder keeping track of all the mistakes and missed opportunities throughout the dance?

Whenever I get a compliment that little b*stard just starts ticking off all the things I spotted that I could have improved upon, and tends to make me even more self concious than I usually am.

So I do tend to be embarrased when I recieve compliments, especially if it's from somebody much better than me with an expert eye (because they must have spotted the 'mistakes' as well, right?...right?).

To be honest though, I'd hate to lose that insecurity. It's what drives me to keep improving, and the better I am at something the more I tend to enjoy it. The trick is just not letting that little voice dominate the way you think.

Oh, and if anyone calls the men in white coats about the devil thing, I'm denying everything:whistle:

[drathzel]

Out of interest, does anyone else have an invisible devil sitting on their shoulder keeping track of all the mistakes and missed opportunities throughout the dance?

Whenever I get a compliment that little b*stard just starts ticking off all the things I spotted that I could have improved upon, and tends to make me even more self concious than I usually am.

So I do tend to be embarrased when I recieve compliments, especially if it's from somebody much better than me with an expert eye (because they must have spotted the 'mistakes' as well, right?...right?).

To be honest though, I'd hate to lose that insecurity. It's what drives me to keep improving, and the better I am at something the more I tend to enjoy it. The trick is just not letting that little voice dominate the way you think.

Oh, and if anyone calls the men in white coats about the devil thing, I'm denying everything:whistle:

:yeah: to all tha above.

i have one of those too but i only get mine when i am following and not when i am leading:rolleyes: . Like yourself i worry and panic and start to make more mistakes cuz of it. But yes she does help me to push myself to improve and follow better.

So that'll be you, me and the rest of the forum they will be taking away then!!!:clap:

[NZ Monkey]

So that'll be you, me and the rest of the forum they will be taking away then!!!Yay! I'll have company and good conversation then :clap:

[whitetiger1518]

And what's wrong with that might I ask??? :devil:

Heaps of lovely (and good:whistle: ) dancers there.... :flower: (but I'm not, and I'd prefer to keep him slightly closer and more available to dance with)

Don't go, don't go....

I totally agree, Ducasi stay please? However, if I have figured out my forum friends and matched them to some of the faces on the dance floor then Ducasi is too good to be available even to most of the Glasgow Girls - at Jumping Jaks on Tuesday he was practicing a routine in a corner for most of the night, and wasn't available for dancing with ( :tears: )


Ducasi, If you are coming to GUU tonight do you mind if I ask for a dance or two??

Whitetiger

PS
I so totally agree about the demon on the shoulder feeling... I may smile all night, but inside I'm terrified that I'm going to trip or othrwise muff up any moves guys send in my direction... I just won't be able to go on holiday anymore without it being a dance one - I had a week long holiday, and during freestyle on Tuesday I couldn't remember half of my cues :blush: :blush:

[Freya]

Strange thing the other day!

Was dancing at a new regular class venue for the first time I knew quite a few people from parties around scotland and was dancing in the Freestyle with this guy who was obviously a beginner he had only been going for about a month. No questions from him as he was obviously concentrating.

At the end of the dance he Said:

"Don't worry you'll Get better at this soon!"

I think he meant it as a compliment! :confused: I just said thank you and returned to my seat!

[Alice]

I danced with a beginner/very early intermediate the other night- I thought it was a really really bad dance and was expecting a cursory thanks before he wandered off to find the next person.... but he turned to me beaming and said "thank you so much, that's the best dance I've had all night!!!"

(hate to think what the others were like).... but I was so pleased that he felt like he was getting somewhere- looked like something had fallen into place:cheers:

[under par]

After a night of selfishly dancing exclusively with Mrs Par recently before the Weston Champs, the promoter came over and asked" would you two be interested in teaching an advanced jive lesson for me soon":eek::blush: :blush:

We kindly apologised and said that we were not teachers!:blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: just dancing for fun:D :cheers:

[andystyle]

I'm not the best at receiving compliments by a long shot! However, I was on a course through work a while back, and part of that was to do with dealing with compliments. The general idea was to treat the compliment as in item, such as a present, and go from there - the idea being it is easier to say thanks for receiving something material than it is to say thanks to a compliment.