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View Full Version : How many dances in a night make it 'a night'?



Gadget
13th-February-2005, 09:26 PM
{Duplicated from another thread...}


I'm sorry but most of the time you dont even get 50% I know there has been times i have only got one in three dances!!!

This leads to a question:

How many dances make a night 'worth it'? or just "make a night"? Is it the quantity? Or would one dance with a 'god' be worth sitting the last eight out?

Gadget
13th-February-2005, 09:31 PM
{from a PM}
The (1) dance with a dance God is only worth 'something' if I feel he's enjoyed it too, :nice: if I get the feeling he's 'doing me a favour', :rolleyes: 'just being polite' :( or just going through the motions, :sick: then that can make me feel worse than no dances at all!
But a night FULL of :tears: dances is probably just as bad!

your so lucky being a man!

Scotch Bonnet
13th-February-2005, 09:32 PM
It's definitely the quality this time not the quantity !!But then one has to speculate to accumulate,you never know how good they might turn out to be after a few weeks!!

Little Monkey
13th-February-2005, 09:36 PM
QUALITY!!!! But that doesn't mean I'm happy with just ONE good dance, and then sit and watch for the rest of the evening..... But I'd rather have a few good dances and then a few breaks, than dance all night with people I don't enjoy dancing with.... :rolleyes:

Demanding Monkey

DaveD
13th-February-2005, 10:12 PM
Quality is the thing, definitely, but quality comes in different forms. For example I occasionally get to visit other venues as my work takes me to London and rather than spend the night sitting in a hotel room watching TV, I search out an MJ night.

Being a new face in a venue causes a certain look when you ask a lady for a dance. Its a great buzz when the expression changes from cautious and uncertain to the smile that says "hey this isn't as bad as I thought it would be" ... even better when she asks you for another dance :nice:

Daisy Chain
13th-February-2005, 10:19 PM
{Duplicated from another thread...}


This leads to a question:

How many dances make a night 'worth it'? or just "make a night"? Is it the quantity? Or would one dance with a 'god' be worth sitting the last eight out?

Some nights, I have to do all the asking. I find that very depressing and slink out early wondering what's wrong with me :tears: :tears: :tears:

Does this depress any other wallflowers?

Daisy

(A Depressed Little Wall Flower)

foxylady
13th-February-2005, 10:26 PM
I have a sort of rule of thumb which makes or breaks a night. I'm not exactly a shy wallflower, but I find it uncomfortable if I spend the whole evening having to ask, I do like to be asked too...

So my sort of 'rule' is that if there are over 7, say, men I know well :wink: and enjoy dancing with and don't give a monkeys about whether they ask me or I ask them, then I feel able to ask complete strangers and dance every dance. But if there aren't many men who fall into that category, I feel very awkward asking strangers and usually end up having a cr*p night.

I admit its a bit weird. Why should it make a difference? It's only that I know I get at least 'n' (=>7) good dances ! But somehow it does... by boosting my confidence and then that carries me through....

Go figure...

Andreas
13th-February-2005, 10:47 PM
If I have a good time I am sitting out no more than five or six dances all night.

:flower:

Northants Girly
13th-February-2005, 11:07 PM
Some nights I don't mind sitting out a little - it depends on what sort of a day I've had, how my dodgy ankle is feeling etc etc And sometimes I like sitting out so that I can watch others dancing and pick up some tips or decide who I'm going to ask to dance next!

[QUOTE=Daisy Chain]Some nights, I have to do all the asking. I find that very depressing and slink out early wondering what's wrong with me :tears: :tears: :tears: Does this depress any other wallflowers?[QUOTE]

:yeah: It's not the same if you feel you have done all the asking all night.

A tip I have for occaisions when you are at a new venue and don't know many people is to ask one of the ladies there for recommendations on which guys to ask for a dance - in my experience they are always more than happy to supply you with a list!

TheTramp
13th-February-2005, 11:21 PM
I dance all night most nights. And they're always quality dances. For me at least :what:

Trousers
13th-February-2005, 11:25 PM
It's definitely the quality this time not the quantity !!But then one has to speculate to accumulate,you never know how good they might turn out to be after a few weeks!!
Totallllllllly agree with ya Bonnet.

If I go to a venue and get one dance where the hairs go up on the back of my neck and as my partner and I dance the world shrinks down to a little ball of music containing two people and a dance - well following that I may as well go home. That dance would make my evening.

So quality not quantity here.

Clive Long
14th-February-2005, 12:33 AM
Some nights, I have to do all the asking. I find that very depressing and slink out early wondering what's wrong with me :tears: :tears: :tears:

Does this depress any other wallflowers?

Daisy

(A Depressed Little Wall Flower)

I think this comment is on topic - or at least is a response to DC.

I'm guessing I dance with between 10 and 20 women in one night - I was thinking of a thread asking what is an acceptable number of dances with your partner - one, two, more - but somehow I feel that's a bit of a tasteless question. Why so many dances but only one each - because I feel I am a scarce resource as a male dancer and want to help make something of someone else's evening. Is that conceited? God knows.

I would like quality but rarely get it - due ENTIRELY to my short-comings as a dancer, rather than the really amazing female dancers I have the good luck to dance with in London. So I go for quantity.

RE Daisy Chain - I very rarely refuse a request from a lady for a dance.
I got refused at Tango tonight - and it was practice not "social" - so I thought "stuff you" - plenty others want to learn.

This is definitely off-topic : I don't know how ladies can bear to stand around the dance floor waiting, hoping to get picked, like for the rounders team at school. I wouldn't have the patience in such a situation. I would storm home in a sulk and given up MJ years ago if I had to wait. The few times I have been to an MJ event where there have been excess men I have to resist the urge to leave - how adolescent :blush:

As far this male/female ratio is concerned, us guys have it too easy and don't realise how fortunate we are.
I'm not excluding same sex couples here but it is too late at night to construct a non-sexist argument.

CRL

Lynn
14th-February-2005, 12:52 AM
I have a sort of rule of thumb which makes or breaks a night. I'm not exactly a shy wallflower, but I find it uncomfortable if I spend the whole evening having to ask, I do like to be asked too... Well, I could use the excuse that most were strangers, but I only asked one man for a dance at Scarborough over the whole weekend :blush: (as a song came on that I wanted to dance to, I stood up and asked a guy nearby, and a very nice dance it was too!). Its not just a case of being shy, more not being confident but rather thinking, 'there are lots of other much better dancers here' that this guy would prefer to dance with'. I did get plenty of dances, I wasn't sitting getting frustrated that I wasn't dancing enough, but then I also enjoy and learn from watching. I'll ask more next time.

bigdjiver
14th-February-2005, 01:26 AM
I have come across too many men that think "I am not good enough", and just watch for that reason. There are still some ladies I will not ask for that reason.
I dance every track I can, and sometimes think I am sacrificing quality for quantity, but, if there is a partner available, I cannot resist.

drathzel
14th-February-2005, 01:52 AM
Some nights, I have to do all the asking. I find that very depressing and slink out early wondering what's wrong with me :tears: :tears: :tears:

Does this depress any other wallflowers?

Daisy

(A Depressed Little Wall Flower)

Little flower :hug:

I am in the exact same position as you! I feel that i do all the asking (on occasions i have been asked) especialy with people i really want to dance with! Why is this? Men?

Dx

Banana Man
14th-February-2005, 01:56 AM
............I'm not exactly a shy wallflower, ..... :rofl: :rofl:


.........I admit its a bit weird. Why should it make a difference? It's only that I know I get at least 'n' (=>7) good dances ! But somehow it does... by boosting my confidence and then that carries me through....Go figure...
If I'm at a new venue or somewhere I don't go often, I try to find someone I already know or vaguely recognise for the first few dances, then I'm not asking strangers completely cold.


Being a new face in a venue causes a certain look when you ask a lady for a dance. Its a great buzz when the expression changes from cautious and uncertain to the smile that says "hey this isn't as bad as I thought it would be" ... even better when she asks you for another dance :yeah:

Went to Godalming tonight for the first time, missed the early freestyle and jumped straight into Rob and Debbie's class :waycool: :worthy: . Although I went with someone, I knew no-one else, but doing the class meant I met lots of great new people, and got to dance with almost all of them in the freestyle after. Some I asked, some asked me. Guess you've got to make an effort although maybe it's a lot easier on a class night than at a freestyle only event.


If I go to a venue and get one dance where the hairs go up on the back of my neck and as my partner and I dance the world shrinks down to a little ball of music containing two people and a dance - well following that I may as well go home. That dance would make my evening. :yeah:

Consider myself very lucky to have that happen twice last night. :D Set me up for the week that did.

drathzel
14th-February-2005, 02:00 AM
RE Daisy Chain - I very rarely refuse a request from a lady for a dance.
I got refused at Tango tonight - and it was practice not "social" - so I thought "stuff you" - plenty others want to learn.

This is definitely off-topic : I don't know how ladies can bear to stand around the dance floor waiting, hoping to get picked, like for the rounders team at school. I wouldn't have the patience in such a situation. I would storm home in a sulk and given up MJ years ago if I had to wait. The few times I have been to an MJ event where there have been excess men I have to resist the urge to leave - how adolescent :blush:

As far this male/female ratio is concerned, us guys have it too easy and don't realise how fortunate we are.
I'm not excluding same sex couples here but it is too late at night to construct a non-sexist argument.

CRL

I really dont enjoy the standing around and normally while doing so i am A)chatting or B) trying to stake out my next partner.

I have seen women (and have done so myself) run across dance floors to get a partner.... is this was we are reeduced to, fighting and begging for dances.... MEN get your butts into gear and ask us (and bring a male friend to classes)!!!!

The most dances i have ever had in a row with one dancer was 3 and a 1/2. I normally only have more than one dance if i am comfortable asking, have missed the first half of the dance or have been asked. Again feel its too greedy of me to keep this sought after man to myself!!!

Dx :hug:

MartinHarper
14th-February-2005, 10:45 AM
Us guys have it too easy and don't realise how fortunate we are.

I suspect that most men were beginners once, and had the same experience I did of either sitting out most of the dance, or having to do all the asking, (or both). First MJ night I went to, I had two dances in the entire freestyle, both with the person who'd invited me along.

Daisy Chain
14th-February-2005, 01:22 PM
Little flower :hug:

I am in the exact same position as you! I feel that i do all the asking (on occasions i have been asked) especialy with people i really want to dance with! Why is this? Men?

Dx

Men choose the pretty ones first :tears: :tears: :tears: unless it's an advanced lesson when they want tto start with a partner who won't make a pigs ear of it :angry:


Daisy

(A Plain Little Flower)

Rhythm King
14th-February-2005, 01:25 PM
I have to agree with everyone on the quality not quantity line. I do like being asked and don't normally refuse without good reason, although I had to on numerous occasions earlier in the year, but that was on health grounds (Sparkles, Sal and Tramp threatened me with violence if I didn't take it easy! :whistle: ).
I do get turned down though, and a couple of times recently this has happened 3 times on the trot, at both Hipsters and the Jive Bar :tears: . It is so demoralising, so I sympathise with all of you out there.

However, to get back on thread, the right song, with the right partner can make the whole night for me.

drathzel
15th-February-2005, 09:52 AM
Men choose the pretty ones first :tears: :tears: :tears: unless it's an advanced lesson when they want tto start with a partner who won't make a pigs ear of it :angry:


Daisy

(A Plain Little Flower)

:yeah:

I agree with you! They want the gals that make them look good! Its all about image...hrumph!

Hey shouldn't you have loads of dances miss not plain little flower?

:hug:

ChrisA
15th-February-2005, 10:49 AM
I agree with you! They want the gals that make them look good! Its all about image...hrumph!

Ok, well I expect I'll get flamed to a crisp for this, but what the heck... :D

Yeah, right, like it's any different for girls :rolleyes:

Come on guys, we're not gonna stand for all this bullsh1t are we? Like we've never noticed the way the girls flock to the good-looking guys that turn up?

Duh........ :wink:

Sure, I'll 'fess up and admit that my eyes tend to be drawn to the drop-dead gorgeous ones that I've not seen before, and I might even ask them for a dance :innocent:

But that superficial attractiveness lasts about 20 seconds if they're unpleasant to dance with (as, in fact, quite a few of them are), and a great dancer with a light touch and a fantastic connection is far more attractive to me within a very short time.

Now (just puttin on my flame retardant jacket)...

... staying on the bullsh1t theme for a moment, I'm not by any means convinced about this 'excess girls = big problem' thing. I've danced MJ now for about 6 years regularly, about 95% of the time at venues where, in the class at least, there's been an excess of ladies.

Out of those 6 years, I'd say my dancing has only been anywhere near half-decent for the last 2. For the first four of those years, I wasn't a terrible dancer, I didn't stink, yank or perv; I was a moderately competent intermediate just like many others, and yet I was hardly ever asked to dance.

If the 'excess girls' thing was really true, surely you'd think I'd have been in demand even then, simply because I was wearing trousers...

... but no. In point of fact, the girls weren't asking me, they were waiting to dance with the people they wanted to dance with.

Only recently, as my dancing has at last started to improve a little bit, as a direct result of a lot of hard work, do I find people asking me some of the time. I'm just as ugly as I ever was, of course, so it's not the attractiveness thing (phew :D )

So I still maintain, despite the maths which I don't dispute, that it's not about getting just any dance, it's about getting the ones you want. And to achieve that you have to get good enough for the people you want to dance with, to want to dance with you.

So there !! :D

Cruella
15th-February-2005, 10:58 AM
Men choose the pretty ones first :tears: :tears: :tears: unless it's an advanced lesson when they want tto start with a partner who won't make a pigs ear of it :angry:


Daisy

(A Plain Little Flower)

I agree with you Daisy. Men are so fickle. I can think of a certain well known A list dancer who seemed to avoid dancing with me for a week at beach boogie. But now i have lost 3 stone and he didn't recognize me, asked me to dance . I was very tempted to turn him down, but instead had a great dance with him then proceeded to remind him of who i was. He did look a bit taken aback but was very complimentary.
I believe quality over quantity wins every time, but i would rather dance with a man who dances simple moves well, than one who does complex moves badly!!

Lou
15th-February-2005, 11:13 AM
... but no. In point of fact, the girls weren't asking me, they were waiting to dance with the people they wanted to dance with.
Flame? http://leroc.net/images/icon_flame.gif Nah....

Just curious, really. Why weren't you asking any of these ladies who were waiting to dance? Especially considering there must've been quite a few of them where men were outnumbered.... :confused:

ChrisA
15th-February-2005, 11:19 AM
(why can't I delete this???)

ChrisA
15th-February-2005, 11:19 AM
Flame? http://leroc.net/images/icon_flame.gif Nah....

Fab graphic !!! :flower:



Just curious, really. Why weren't you asking any of these ladies who were waiting to dance? Especially considering there must've been quite a few of them where men were outnumbered.... :confused:

Well I was, of course!

Otherwise I'd never have got any dances :)

jivecat
15th-February-2005, 11:22 AM
This is definitely off-topic : I don't know how ladies can bear to stand around the dance floor waiting, hoping to get picked, like for the rounders team at school. I wouldn't have the patience in such a situation. I would storm home in a sulk and given up MJ years ago if I had to wait. The few times I have been to an MJ event where there have been excess men I have to resist the urge to leave - how adolescent :blush:

CRL

Well, no. I couldn't bear it. So I decided right from day one that I would get on that floor by hook or by crook. (Watch out for the crazy-looking LittleBoPeep) Not being young & pretty enough to be able to just sit there and watch the silly fools fall over themselves I have been fairly proactive about asking people to dance from the beginning, which was totally out of character for me. But I knew that if I just sat and watched I would have given up very quickly.

A number of times in the first year or so I did go home in a sulk - from chatting to other ladies I now realise this is normal! And I still bear a grudge against certain "gentlemen" who turned me down then because it really, seriously dented my confidence. These days, I just shrug, because I know that plenty of other people will be happy to dance with me. So, I guess the whole Ceroc experience has been character-building.

I do still play games over the issue of who-asks-who. If it's a familiar favourite I lose count of who's done the asking, and it doesn't matter anyway. And sometimes I like to be able to ask them as a way of affirming them, if that makes any sense. With other people, usually people I perceive as much better dancers than myself, I will ask them but if I get turned down, no matter what the reason given, then I will be very wary of asking them again. And if they don't ask me then I stop asking them. And sometimes I won't ask people to dance, even if I'm dying to dance with them, because I want them to ask me. In fact, I often don't really relax unless they've done the asking, as it's evidence that they must think I'm OK to dance with. Which is why it's such a pleasure if I get asked for a second dance.

I don't have a formula for a great evening, but it helps if I get one or two good dances in the first half hour, as this sets the tone of the evening. Conversely, if I get a few of those excruciating, rhythm-free, out-of-balance dances early on then the evening usually goes from bad to worse!

Hairs on the back of the neck? Two people in a bubble? Once every six months, maybe. If I'm lucky. Or perhaps I'm just hard to please. I think I like to spend at least 75% of the evening on the floor and at least 20% has to be the sort of dance that has me smiling with delight all the way through. So that means that 8 out of 10 would not make me smile. Oh dear. :( Must try harder.

Little Monkey
15th-February-2005, 11:27 AM
Yeah, right, like it's any different for girls :rolleyes:

Come on guys, we're not gonna stand for all this bullsh1t are we? Like we've never noticed the way the girls flock to the good-looking guys that turn up?

But that superficial attractiveness lasts about 20 seconds if they're unpleasant to dance with (as, in fact, quite a few of them are), and a great dancer with a light touch and a fantastic connection is far more attractive to me within a very short time.

Out of those 6 years, I'd say my dancing has only been anywhere near half-decent for the last 2. For the first four of those years, I wasn't a terrible dancer, I didn't stink, yank or perv; I was a moderately competent intermediate just like many others, and yet I was hardly ever asked to dance.


... but no. In point of fact, the girls weren't asking me, they were waiting to dance with the people they wanted to dance with.

Only recently, as my dancing has at last started to improve a little bit, as a direct result of a lot of hard work, do I find people asking me some of the time. I'm just as ugly as I ever was, of course, so it's not the attractiveness thing (phew :D )

So I still maintain, despite the maths which I don't dispute, that it's not about getting just any dance, it's about getting the ones you want. And to achieve that you have to get good enough for the people you want to dance with, to want to dance with you.

So there !! :D

Ahem......

I NEVER ask a guy to dance just because I think he's drop-dead gorgeous... :mad: TRUE! But I do admit to waiting for the partners I really enjoy dancing with, rather than just dancing with anyone.... :D There are lots of reasons for why I choose to dance with certain men, and not with others. I don't enjoy dancing with men who are: Bad leads, have bad BO, are sleezy etc. If they fall into this category, I'll probably never ask them for a dance, and might even avoid them if it looks like they're about to ask me for a dance!! :eek: I don't mind dancing with beginners, and even get asked up by beginner ladies occasionally, and rarely turn anyone down.

BUT: I'd rather dance with someone who's a good lead, or who's just good fun on the dance floor! This isn't necessarily the "best" dancers, just the ones that make me enjoy myself!

I also must admit that some nights are just not very enjoyable if I have to hunt for men all the time, throw myself at them almost before they've finished their last dance, and fight off the other women who wants to dance with the same guy.... Sometimes I simply sit down, and hope someone will actually ask me up for a change..... Last night was one of those nights. The beginning of the night was super, and I got asked up by quite a few guys, and managed to hunt down a few victims myself. But the latter half of the evening was rubbish. In fact, the last half hour I didn't dance AT ALL, and was feeling a bit grumpy by the end of it all... :( :tears:

It did however look like the gorgeous girls were on the floor the whole night, despite maybe not exactly being (ahem, claws out, saucer of milk for table two) very competent dancers.

Oh well..... Maybe the solution is to always dress like my avatar, and then the guys might get fooled into thinking that I'm drop dead gorgeous underneath that paper bag, and ask me up???? :rofl:

Plain Monkey who WANTS TO DANCE! (Please? :flower: )

Lou
15th-February-2005, 11:38 AM
Well I was, of course!

Otherwise I'd never have got any dances :)
So.... how could the other spare ladies ask you, when you were dancing? :devil: Or is this an example of male logic? :rolleyes:

Another thing that might have caused your previous situation is that no matter how many times it's said that ladies can (and should) ask a man to dance, many of us still prefer to be asked. :flower:

(Although we've learnt to adapt to survive!)

My favourite night was at one freestyle where numbers were actually quite equal, so I danced about 90% of the night. That was just perfect. :)

p.s. glad you liked my flamethrower.... ;)

ChrisA
15th-February-2005, 11:43 AM
A number of times in the first year or so I did go home in a sulk - from chatting to other ladies I now realise this is normal!
Hmm...



I do still play games over the issue of who-asks-who.....

Double hmm...



With other people, usually people I perceive as much better dancers than myself, I will ask them but if I get turned down, no matter what the reason given, then I will be very wary of asking them again.

No matter what the reason???

Triple hmmm...



And if they don't ask me then I stop asking them. And sometimes I won't ask people to dance, even if I'm dying to dance with them, because I want them to ask me.

Good grief. :tears:

All I'd say is that if this kind of thought process is any way typical of ladies, it probably accounts for more of their dissatisfaction with the number and quality of dances they get than the excess F/M ratio.

:hug: :flower:

ChrisA
15th-February-2005, 11:47 AM
So.... how could the other spare ladies ask you, when you were dancing? :devil: Or is this an example of male logic? :rolleyes:

Nope, the question is an example of female logic :D :hug:

The answer is that when I was dancing, I couldn't be asked, as you say.

But I was between dances often enough, and for long enough, to notice that I was almost never asked, and that if I wanted a dance, I'd have to find someone and ask them. Even though there were more girls than guys.

jivecat
15th-February-2005, 11:53 AM
Hmm...


Double hmm...


No matter what the reason???

Triple hmmm...


Good grief. :tears:

All I'd say is that if this kind of thought process is any way typical of ladies, it probably accounts for more of their dissatisfaction with the number and quality of dances they get than the excess F/M ratio.

:hug: :flower:

Why are you getting at me, ChrisA? I'm only saying what I honestly think, some of which has been reiterated by other people posting on this thread. And I do a lot of asking, of people of all ability levels. But sometimes my confidence will only stretch so far.

Lou
15th-February-2005, 11:59 AM
But I was between dances often enough, and for long enough, to notice that I was almost never asked, and that if I wanted a dance, I'd have to find someone and ask them. Even though there were more girls than guys.
But haven't there been enough ladies replying on this thread to say that we don't necessarily like to ask a man to dance (for whatever reason).... :)

When numbers are more even, everyone gets more chance of a dance. :)

MartinHarper
15th-February-2005, 12:26 PM
So.... how could the other spare ladies ask you, when you were dancing? :devil: Or is this an example of male logic? :rolleyes:

I don't recall Chris say he was always dancing. My experience was that sometimes I asked for a dance, and danced, and sometimes I didn't ask, and that almost invariably resulted in sitting out.

That said, the benefit of roughly equal numbers is that there are normally a few men and women available to be asked. They might not be wildly enthusiastic about dancing with me, and I might have to wait for the gods to be picked off before asking, but they are there.

Lou
15th-February-2005, 12:53 PM
I don't recall Chris say he was always dancing.
Yeah. I know. :devil:

However, he did say that sometimes he sat out - and I assumed he meant unwillingly - because he wasn't being asked to dance. In my post, i was also making the point that a lot of women prefer the man to do the asking.

And from his answers, I wonder if he was exagerating a little, as he doesn't seem to be sitting out as often as some outnumbered wallflowers are. :whistle:

ChrisA
15th-February-2005, 12:55 PM
Why are you getting at me, ChrisA?
I'm not getting at you at all !!! Sorry if it seems that way, it isn't intended to :flower:

I'm responding to things you and others have said , and making two basic points...

1. That unless it's very large, an excess of guys or girls is not the largest contributory factor to whether or not one gets the dances one wants.

2. That playing games over who asks who, regardless of the reason, is not going to help matters.


You're very nice to dance with. You're very light, you hear stuff in the music, and follow nicely. :flower:

So my guess is that in reality, you are competing for the attention of the top 25%, maybe less, of male dancers, to get the dances that will please you most, most of the time. (I say most of the time - I'm not for a moment suggesting it's not fun to dance with beginners some of the time.)

Whether you'll get enough dances with this subset of the guys present (and who knows whether the top 25% are over-represented or under-represented at your particular venues) to give you a good night is down to other things, as well as just numbers, such as:

- confidence, as you say
- attractiveness (whatever that means, and in any case, such an advantage is extremely short-lived)
- how well you're known at a venue
- mood at the time
- music preferences

.. and probably others.

It's really just a consequence of what seems to be the overriding theme of this thread, which is that it's quality, not quantity, that makes the difference, so effort spent in improving quality will be more worthwhile than seeking venues where the numbers are relatively even.

:flower:

ChrisA
15th-February-2005, 01:05 PM
And from his answers, I wonder if he was exagerating a little, as he doesn't seem to be sitting out as often as some outnumbered wallflowers are. :whistle:
I've told you a million times, I never exaggerate :D

But seriously, until recently, I had to work very hard, and do 99% of the asking, to get anywhere near what felt like a good night. So I swallowed all my embarrassment, worked hard, and did lots of asking, and had lots of good nights.

Now, at long, long, last, I've made a little improvement. Nothing else has changed - I still don't have any social skills :eek: , I'm no better looking :tears: , and yet some of the time I'm asked to dance. :clap:

It can only be the dancing. Thank gawd for that, I say - it means it's down to something I have some influence over :D

Barryf
15th-February-2005, 01:09 PM
Having read most of the posts with interest, I have to admit to feeling guilty on some occasions when I have not asked a lady, who has been sitting out for some time, for a dance.

I have been very pleasantly WOW :nice: surprised on many occasions, having asked a complete stranger up to dance, and if they are fairly new to MJ, its great for the oportunity to make sure my leads are understood. And Im really glad to hear from the Ladies that a simple dance well lead is OK :)

As yet our venues in the North East attract only a few visitors, when they do come, It is really nice to make sure they enjoy themselves, so they want to return.

Barry_f

Daisy Chain
15th-February-2005, 01:14 PM
I do still play games over the issue of who-asks-who. If it's a familiar favourite I lose count of who's done the asking, and it doesn't matter anyway. And sometimes I like to be able to ask them as a way of affirming them, if that makes any sense. With other people, usually people I perceive as much better dancers than myself, I will ask them but if I get turned down, no matter what the reason given, then I will be very wary of asking them again. And if they don't ask me then I stop asking them. And sometimes I won't ask people to dance, even if I'm dying to dance with them, because I want them to ask me. In fact, I often don't really relax unless they've done the asking, as it's evidence that they must think I'm OK to dance with. Which is why it's such a pleasure if I get asked for a second dance.

.


:yeah: Glad that I'm not the only one who thinks like this. I don't sit around waiting for the gorgeous ones, I'll try anyone once :eek: I've found some fabulous dark horses via this method but if they don't ask me back on a future occasion, I assume they didn't enjoy the dance as much as me. I just want to be asked occasionally even though I'm not the most attractive flower in the border...


How not to ask for a dance during the lesson:

Me to competent man: How about a dance during the freestyle later? (promising start).... I get really desperate when there are this many extra ladies :eek:

Daisy

(A Predatory Little FLower)

El Salsero Gringo
15th-February-2005, 01:20 PM
Speaking only for myself, naturally:

Nobody has the right to be asked to dance. While I try my hardest to 'give' while I'm dancing - by concentrating on making my partner look and feel fabulous - my experience of the dance - what I remember afterwards - depends entirely on what my partner puts into the *partnership*.

So the ladies I'm going to ask to dance are going to be the ones who, right from the moment you see them across the room, look like they are going to make the dance an enjoyable experience for me too.

That could be because they are fantastic dancers; it could be because although they have two left feet they are drop-dead gorgeous. It could be simply because they have a smile that lights up anything and anyone within twenty yards. It could be because they tell great jokes while we're dancing. It could be because they squeeze my shoulder in a flattering way. It could be any number of different things. But the one lady I go out of my way to avoid is the one who told me that she didn't need to put in any effort, after all it was a male-lead dance and therefore she could just shut her eyes while I drove her around the dance floor. I would, in all honesty, have preferred to be pulling out my own wisdom teeth for three minutes.

If as a dancer you would like to be asked to dance more I can only suggest that you need to think about what you can offer to someone to make the experience as positive for them as you would like it to be for you. People who have that attitude show it from the moment they walk in the room, and they are the ones who are never short of a partner. May I be stricken with the pox for every second I forget it myself.

I once read a book (I think in fact it was "Social Survival", by Katharine Whitehorn) where she was giving advice on how to get invited to more parties. As best as I can recall, the advice she gave was to find yourself a role. Become the person who told great jokes for instance. Can't tell jokes? Become the person who knows the gossip; Don't gossip? Be beautiful and decorative. Short fat and ugly? Find something else to distinguish yourself. And if you can't do any of those things then get known as the person who his helpful, reliable and invaluable just to have around. Arrive early. Stay late and help to clear up afterwards. Be an extra pair of hands in the kitchen. Drive home those people who've had too much to drink. Make sure that everyone has a full glass. Offer round the food. Whatever - but do it reliably and dependably. I see a big parallel in this good advice with being asked to dance.

In short - and I could have saved myself a great deal of time if I'd put it like this in the first place - stop asking why no one is troubling themselves to dance with you and give you the kind of evening you want - and start asking yourself what you can be doing to "make" the evening of every partner with whom you dance. It's the most attractive thing.

Daisy Chain
15th-February-2005, 01:28 PM
If as a dancer you would like to be asked to dance more I can only suggest that you need to think about what you can offer to someone ...

get known as the person who is helpful, Be an extra pair of hands in the kitchen. .



OK, I'll wear pink marigolds to the next Northwich freestyle (I'm good at washing up). Can't see me getting many dances if I'm hidden away in the kitchen all night though...but I'll try most things once


Daisy

(A Rubber Gloved little FLower)

ChrisA
15th-February-2005, 01:31 PM
....If as a dancer you would like to be asked to dance more I can only suggest that you need to think about what you can offer to someone to make the experience as positive for them as you would like it to be for you. People who have that attitude show it from the moment they walk in the room, and they are the ones who are never short of a partner. May I be stricken with the pox for every second I forget it myself.
...
.... :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah: :yeah:

ElaineB
15th-February-2005, 01:32 PM
[QUOTE=Lou]Flame? http://leroc.net/images/icon_flame.gif Nah....

QUOTE]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Fabulous, Lou, absolutely fabulous! :whistle:

Any of you who know me, will know that I am not the shy retiring type! I attended my very first class on my own and also my very first dance. I have even been to Hipsters on my own! :eek: :D

I am more than happy to ask anyone to dance (male or female) and don't keep count of how many people I have to ask, versus them asking me.

However, there is the very odd occasion when even I get a sudden attack of just wanting to be asked for a dance, or even a second dance and then I seem to turn into a wallflower! :flower:

The worst experience was at a London Venue, when I made the mistake of asking an 'A' list dancer for a dance and was refused. (He then got up with one of the regulars!) That night the Ladies seemed to outnumber the men two to one and I found it very difficult to get a dance, even with my own partner, who seemed to be hunted by the Ladies (I don't blame them!). Anyway, that night, my normally very high self confidence was in shreds and I left the venue in tears!

One of my best nights was at Amersham last Saturday, even though I only knew three people there. I only encountered one rebuttal, but did I give in? Heck no, I hunted the varmit down until he could refuse no more!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Now, that was a good night!!


Elaine

CJ
15th-February-2005, 01:34 PM
I'm in a slightly different boat, as I don't dance socially THAT often: perhaps max 10 times a year.

Next week, I'll be dancing in SE England. I'll walk in, knowing nobody, with a slightly individualistic appearance. (I'm not expecting too many dancers in Peterborough, Cambridge, Northampton, etc, or even Twyford to have waist length hair and a kilt on.)

When I DJ, I (almost) NEVER ask people to dance: is not why I'm there. Occasionally, i notice someone who hasn't danced a whole lot that evening and will ask, or if there is a huge influx of beginners, etc.

Socially, again I tend to ask those that are not dancing a lot. We all pay our money and we all like to dance. A few times, dancers that I know and then sometimes I get asked.

The one thing I don't do is cherry pick. I don't even know why: I guess the top 20% ish of male/femaale dancers tend to look after each other. As a mere mortal, am happy to dance with other mere mortals. I very rarely have a "bad dance."

I had a couple in Wolverhampton, and one with a possible hotshot in Ashtons (possibly I was intimidated and didn't dance confidently. :blush: )

Is there a point to this post? (Is there ever?!?!?!? :rolleyes: )

I guess we all want to dance. Yes, it is nice to be asked. So, let's ask. We all dance to a level, let's share what we have: our moves, style, smiles and time. How many of those dances will make a good night?!? Not many would be needed, I assure you.

Sparkles
15th-February-2005, 01:41 PM
Nobody has the right to be asked to dance.
{snip}
stop asking why no one is troubling themselves to dance with you and give you the kind of evening you want - and start asking yourself what you can be doing to "make" the evening of every partner with whom you dance. It's the most attractive thing.

:yeah: :yeah: :yeah:

And I also wish I could rep Chris A for his comments on this thread, but I have to spread it around a bit first :flower:

My theory is if you want to get asked to dance do the following:
1)Try as hard as you can to be as good as you can. People like to dance with nice dancers, people follow leads/lead gently but clearly, people who don't hurt, take over or smell.
2)Don't pester people. If you're new to dancing then try and ask people from all over the room and don't single someone out who you think is good/who you particularly want to dance with and then hog them or ask them over and over again. Admittedly some of the dances you have will be better than others but you will learn by every dance you have, thus contributing to point 1 and make you a better dancer. At first you will have to be brave and go out there and do the asking, that's a fact I'm afraid.
3)Get to know people and be known, ie don't just turn up, dance and leave. Say hello and goodbye to people if you see them more than once and try and remember peoples' names, especially if you like dancing with them. Get involved.
4)Leave you bad day away from dancing. Everyone has them, but people go to dance to have fun, and if you're grumpy and miserable no-one will be pleasured to dance with you. Smile :grin:

If you do these things then, eventually, the people who you like to dance with will come and ask you, they'll remember you as a nice happy dancer who is thoughtful enough to remember who they are and they will be pleased to be in your company for 3 mins - and maybe, just maybe, that with be the quality dance that will make your evening! :flower:

S. x

Lory
15th-February-2005, 01:45 PM
I'm not sure if this is going to make sense but it seems to me that the more your on the dance floor, the more you get asked, it has a snowball effect. Once you start sitting down, looking glum, your on an uphill struggle, that's why I reckon that once your into a bad evening and your in 'that' frame of mind, it's only going to get worse. :sad:

If you're already having a great time, laughing and giving it some, you give off an air electricity, that's very attractive and will probably have that snowball effect in reverse! :clap:

I know that I'm personally very attracted to people who are laughing and cheeky and look like they're already having a good time! (and its nothing to do with how good looking they are, although i've never held that against anyone either :whistle: )I think to my self 'ooh yes, I want some of those good vibes to rub off on me! :na:

I can't help it, I just don't seem to get the urge to ask people who look worried, insecure, fed up, bored or glum, I definitely don't want 'those feelings' to rub off on me! :sick:

I do realise, on a conscious level as I'm reading this thread, that maybe if I asked someone looking like that to dance, they may 'light up' and I'll have a pleasant surprise but as I said before, on a dance night, these are the people I tend to overlook! :blush: Unless it's a very quiet night. :whistle:

Katie
15th-February-2005, 01:48 PM
And sometimes I won't ask people to dance, even if I'm dying to dance with them, because I want them to ask me. In fact, I often don't really relax unless they've done the asking, as it's evidence that they must think I'm OK to dance with.

I know that you've been refused in the past by a dancer, but applying this experience by not asking other guys to dance, unless they ask you, is not logical! You're in control of your enjoyment and if it makes you happy that you may sacrifice dancing with a particular guy because you want him to ask you then that's fine. But if it makes you unhappy, then go for it and ask him!
Sometimes guys are too busy dancing to get a chance to ask all the ladies in the room he wants to do with, not least due to a lady waiting to 'pounce' as soon as the song finished. By no means is it a personal thing.

Kate

Daisy Chain
15th-February-2005, 01:49 PM
:yeah: :yeah: :yeah:

If you do these things then, eventually, the people who you like to dance with will come and ask you...


...and be intercepted by Lory's favourite Interferer!

Daisy

(A Keen Little Flower)

Daisy Chain
15th-February-2005, 01:52 PM
Sometimes guys are too busy dancing to get a chance to ask all the ladies in the room he wants to do with, not least due to a lady waiting to 'pounce' as soon as the song finished. By no means is it a personal thing.

Kate

:yeah: When Viktor is in the room, the best tactic is too ignore him and let all the other women fight over him and you get first choice of the Lesser Mortals!

I bet Viktor never has to ask for a dance...

Daisy

ElaineB
15th-February-2005, 02:04 PM
:yeah: When Viktor is in the room, the best tactic is too ignore him and let all the other women fight over him and you get first choice of the Lesser Mortals!

I bet Viktor never has to ask for a dance...

Daisy

Love your logic!! :clap: :clap: :clap:


Elaine

ElaineB
15th-February-2005, 02:06 PM
[QUOTE=Ceroc Jock]I'm in a slightly different boat, as I don't dance socially THAT often: perhaps max 10 times a year.

Next week, I'll be dancing in SE England. I'll walk in, knowing nobody, with a slightly individualistic appearance. (I'm not expecting too many dancers in Peterborough, Cambridge, Northampton, etc, or even Twyford to have waist length hair and a kilt on.)


QUOTE]

Lou, Lou, what do you think, do you think we could get him over here, after all, the South West isn't that far............... :wink:


Elaine

Lory
15th-February-2005, 02:12 PM
I bet Viktor never has to ask for a dance...

Daisy
Erm, he asked my 'drop dead gorgeous' friend to dance once but she felt so intimidated by his reputation for being an amazing dancer, she made some excuse up and told him to ask me (who just happened to be standing with her) instead! I couldn't let the poor bloke be turned down twice in a row, now could I? :innocent: :whistle: :rofl:

BTW There have been some great contributions to thread so far :worthy:

Lynn
15th-February-2005, 02:16 PM
I'm not sure if this is going to make sense but it seems to me that the more your on the dance floor, the more you get asked, it has a snowball effect. Once you start sitting down, looking glum, your on an uphill struggle, that's why I reckon that once your into a bad evening and your in 'that' frame of mind, it's only going to get worse. :sad: I've never had a really bad evening as I usually dance at weekenders, so am with friends, lots of people to dance with etc (sometimes I am tired and am happy to sit and chat and watch) - but I agree with the 'snowball' effect. If I am up dancing I often get dances as I walk off the floor after a dance. I also found at the last weekender that I was just as likely to get asked up if deep in conversation with someone and sitting further back, than when sitting at the edge watching the dancing, if not more so (maybe that makes me look desperate! :rofl: ). Now I just have to start asking the guys sometimes!

jivecat
15th-February-2005, 02:27 PM
I know that you've been refused in the past by a dancer, but applying this experience by not asking other guys to dance, unless they ask you, is not logical! You're in control of your enjoyment and if it makes you happy that you may sacrifice dancing with a particular guy because you want him to ask you then that's fine. But if it makes you unhappy, then go for it and ask him!

It probably makes me happier to go and ask someone where I don't have to involve myself in this tiresome mental complexity!


By no means is it a personal thing.

Kate

I know. That's why I can cope with it far better than I used to. But sometimes it may be, which is why I'm very careful about asking anybody more than a couple of times, (not on the same night!!) if I get a refusal. After all, I would not wish to run the risk of appearing to pester anyone!

drathzel
15th-February-2005, 02:27 PM
But I was between dances often enough, and for long enough, to notice that I was almost never asked, and that if I wanted a dance, I'd have to find someone and ask them. Even though there were more girls than guys.

Ok sorry to be sexist here and i may find that in response to this i find it happens to men but....

How many women either have to sit out their fave song or ask someone you dont want to dance wit (reasons being as monkey stated bad lead..b.o etc)just so you get to dance?

I believe in equality and i ask WAY more that i get asked, i dance with both m and f!

Dx :hug:

Lou
15th-February-2005, 02:32 PM
Lou, Lou, what do you think, do you think we could get him over here, after all, the South West isn't that far............... :wink:
Oooh! Good idea! CJ - come over & visit for the weekend of 25/26. We've got Will & Kate and David & Lily, too..... :nice:

jivecat
15th-February-2005, 02:42 PM
I'm not sure if this is going to make sense but it seems to me that the more your on the dance floor, the more you get asked, it has a snowball effect. Once you start sitting down, looking glum, your on an uphill struggle, that's why I reckon that once your into a bad evening and your in 'that' frame of mind, it's only going to get worse. :sad:

This makes complete sense. I know that the best antidote for the faintest suspicion of having a bad evening is to get on that floor and stay there. Dance with anyone, the halt, the lame, the senile, the weird, the smelly. Smile at them all. For some it'll be the first time someone has smiled at them all evening. Experience the rich diversity of dancing life in all it's bizarre manifestations. Out of a random bag of dancers there will be some gems waiting for you to discover them. If there aren't, well there's always another night.
Applied with enthusiasm, this recovery formula works for me every time!

jivecat
15th-February-2005, 02:53 PM
.....a slightly individualistic appearance. (I'm not expecting too many dancers in Peterborough, Cambridge, Northampton, etc, or even Twyford to have waist length hair and a kilt on.)[?QUOTE]

Now, that IS my idea of rich diversity! Are you coming to Leicester? Not that I could guarantee that the Maenads would let you escape alive.....


[QUOTE]The one thing I don't do is cherry pick. I don't even know why: I guess the top 20% ish of male/femaale dancers tend to look after each other. As a mere mortal, am happy to dance with other mere mortals. I very rarely have a "bad dance."

Yup. I run into most of my problems if I even think about cherry-picking.


I had a couple in Wolverhampton, and one with a possible hotshot in Ashtons (possibly I was intimidated and didn't dance confidently. :blush: ) So it's not just me then??


Is there a point to this post? (Is there ever?!?!?!? :rolleyes: ) As much as there ever is! :grin:

CJ
15th-February-2005, 02:55 PM
We've got Will & Kate and David & Lily, too..... :nice:


Who?!?!? :confused:

Never heard of 'em!! :wink:

Well, what's happening?!? Didn't someone start a thread entitled last weekend in Feb or something asking where is cool to go?!?!?!?!?!?!? :tears:

Am in Twyford (spinning the odd tune or two) on Sat. Am in Northampton Fri day til after 4. Have to be in S. London on Sat for 10.00. If you have any thoughts on subject, want to post in the other thread (save us ALL getting neg rep from a certain Mr. Harper) :wink:

Sheepman
15th-February-2005, 03:03 PM
Some interesting stuff here, though we have veered towards who asks who for a dance, rather than what makes it "a night."
For me, it can be that one perfect dance, (which doesn't have to be with a "dance godess", in fact it's most likely not to be, as nerves and expectations often interfere there.) Where you are both dancing to the same music, hearing the same "little voices" and reacting to them. This is a rare and elusive experience.
It can be a night where I'm dancing with partners, familiar or new, regulars or occasional visitors, who are my favourite dancers, and the music is just right, and I never sit one out. Even if I'm not especially on form, hopefully we can have a laugh regardless.
It can be a night where I'm not really into the dancing, but I can just enjoy gossiping and catching up with close friends, but it has to be some pretty good gossip to make up for a lack of dancing!
It can be a night where some great new piece of music is playing, and I'm dancing with the right partner, and it all seems to work, even though we've never heard the track before.
It can never be a night in a smoky venue :angry: (Sorry to go on about this again, but last Saturday is still grating on me :sick: )
On reading the thread I was thinking that for me it wouldn't depend on who asked me for a dance, because if there is someone there I *really* want to dance with, then I'll just ask them, or I won't let it spoil my night if they're never available.
Then it occurred to me what a thrill it is when a certain dance teacher asks me for a dance, an opportunity that only occurs 2 or 3 times a year, and thinking about it, of course that's not a feeling reserved for just one person ...

Greg

Northants Girly
15th-February-2005, 03:08 PM
Am in Twyford (spinning the odd tune or two) on Sat. Am in Northampton Fri day til after 4. Have to be in S. London on Sat for 10.00. If you have any thoughts on subject, want to post in the other thread (save us ALL getting neg rep from a certain Mr. Harper) :wink: :confused: Are you saying you are stuck for somert to do on Friday eve in between Northampton and London? - you could give the freestyle in Wellingborough a whirl - I'll be there! :)

Lou
15th-February-2005, 03:23 PM
If you have any thoughts on subject, want to post in the other thread (save us ALL getting neg rep from a certain Mr. Harper) :wink:
I'd like to see him try..... http://leroc.net/images/icon_flame.gif

But, just to be on the safe side (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?p=105807#post105807).... :whistle:

CJ
15th-February-2005, 03:26 PM
you could give the freestyle in Wellingborough a whirl -

Sounds good.


I'll be there! :)

Actually, I might be washing my hair that night... :D

(I feel bad about being off topic... is there a moderator to move all this stuff over?!?) :worthy:

Is an option, but I'll see what comes re Bristol area, too... (not to mention work interfering!!)

cheeks
15th-February-2005, 04:18 PM
Okay decided to pull this back on topic......when I first came began reading thread we seemed to jump all over the place a bit.

So I hope I'm on right track.... :blush:

I began dancing and came along with a friend from work who was not a regular attender due to work commitments and stuff so found it difficult to start with as didn't know anyone strugged with the moves.......but I had that dance bug and just wanted to keep going. It didn't take long before I was confident enough to attend class and parties on my own due to all the friendly faces I would see during class.

Since then I have always went out my way to ask for a dance with new faces, dancers who attend every now and again, regular dancers and especially if someone is dancing in Dundee who normally dances in Aberdeen or Glasgow or something. :clap:

Yes we all have fab tracks and people we enjoy dancing with but one of the best laughs I have is with a young guy who started dances a few months ago and he is fun to dance with he is not good looking, he is not a great lead( but improving all the time :) )and will joke about his favourite moves and stuff. :clap:

I am not going to say I don't go looking for Franck,Burge,Trampy,Alex,JohnS,Sheena,Bill,Little Monkey,DD or Gail( TO MANY TO NAME) because I do as they are all fun to dance :worthy: with but if I did I could very easy spend half the night sitting around trying to keep track of were everyone has gone. That would just be a waste of good music and valuable dancing time. :yeah: :flower:



:hug:

Cheeks. :kiss:

Clive Long
15th-February-2005, 05:22 PM
:yeah: When Viktor is in the room, the best tactic is too ignore him and let all the other women fight over him and you get first choice of the Lesser Mortals!

I bet Viktor never has to ask for a dance...

Daisy

The "Nash Equlibrium" in action.

As demonstrated in "A Beautiful Mind"


CRL

Northants Girly
16th-February-2005, 12:02 AM
i would rather dance with a man who dances simple moves well, than one who does complex moves badly!! :yeah:

frodo
16th-February-2005, 12:39 AM
The number of dances in a night that make it a 'night' depends heavily on the effort expended and opportunity cost.

If it is a 5 minute walk to the venue, there is nothing else particularly pressing to do, and no need hang around to the end, 2 or 3 dances can make it a good night, especially if I've learnt something useful.

On the other hand if the travel time / dance time ratio is high 1 in 3 dances or higher might make it a 'night'.

Gadget
16th-February-2005, 01:59 AM
I started the thread and haven't really contributed my thoughts:

Firstly, if I'm dancing, I'm having a good night. So if there is music playing, I will either be on the dance floor or heading towards it. For me, there is no question of quantity, quality of dance, quality of music, quality of partners...the dance is what you make it. :D:waycool::clap: OK I love it when you get a dance where you both 'connect' - that turns a good night into a great night.

I don't care if I have to lead baskets, arm-jives and man-spin's all night or be able to perform a super twisty dzzeling smooth move with seducer that ties in exactly with the music.
I dont care if I'm dancing with someone who has just seen a busk and has no idea, a partner who has won titles and teaches advanced stuff, or anyone inbetween.
What makes a "good" night into a "great" night for me is a combination of some or all of the following things; partners who I just connect with, music that inspires me, being asked to dance by anyone, being complemented on my dancing, trying a new idea or move and having it work, getting spontaneous applause, being looked for and missed, being invited to other events and parties, being asked for another dance after completing one, being asked my opinion or advice on music or dance,...

Now I like these things, so I figure most other people will as well; as the phrase goes "you reap what you sow". :waycool:


However, what prompted this (s well as Drathzel's post) is that every night I see ladies sitting out and having only one or two dances in the whole night :( I try to think how I would feel in their shoes (painfull?) and why they come back every night for very little? Why would I keep coming back if I only danced when invited and hid in the back?
- you get to watch a cabaret
- you can listen to the music and enjoy a drink without pub/club hassles
- you can chat have some social interaction
- you occasionally get asked to dance by someone
- you have the odd dance that makes you feel elated
In a night's dancing I try to please not only my partner at the time, but those who are not dancing; those sitting out watching and waiting or looking for inspiration.
If I am dancing with a beginner from a table of newbies, I will try to dance in plain sight of them and work my way round them.

I figure that I am contributing to the venue and giving back some of the enjoyment it has given me; a positive spiral.

cheeks
16th-February-2005, 02:13 AM
OK I love it when you get a dance where you both 'connect' - that turns a good night into a great night.

:drool:


I don't care if I have to lead baskets, arm-jives and man-spin's all night or be able to perform a super twisty dzzeling smooth move with seducer that ties in exactly with the music.

Totally agree babe it's all down to everyone's mood the venue the music all though I do love those seducers :whistle:


"good" night into a "great" night for me is a combination of some or all of these things; partners who I just connect with, music that inspires me, being asked to dance by anyone, being complemented on my dancing, trying a new idea or move and having it work, getting spontaneous applause, being looked for and missed, being invited to other events and parties, being asked for another dance after completing one, being asked my opinion or advice on music or dance,...


:clap: :yeah: :kiss:

Daisy Chain
17th-February-2005, 01:00 PM
Some nights, I have to do all the asking...

I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want men to ask me to dance. (There’s no pleasing some flowers…)

Last night, I was asked by a Violent Yanker and one dance with him has undone months of upper arm injury recuperation. Now heartily regretting not having the nerve to decline his offer. I must be slipping – didn’t see him coming and failed to take adequate avoidance measures (ie legging it)

Daisy

(A Pained Little Flower)

drathzel
17th-February-2005, 11:32 PM
I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want men to ask me to dance. (There’s no pleasing some flowers…)

Last night, I was asked by a Violent Yanker and one dance with him has undone months of upper arm injury recuperation. Now heartily regretting not having the nerve to decline his offer. I must be slipping – didn’t see him coming and failed to take adequate avoidance measures (ie legging it)

Daisy

(A Pained Little Flower)

I like to be asked however i still have done most of the asking recently!! The trick is to avoid dancing with people that you know will hurt you!

:hug:

Dx

robd
3rd-March-2006, 08:36 PM
Oh well..... Maybe the solution is to always dress like my avatar, and then the guys might get fooled into thinking that I'm drop dead gorgeous underneath that paper bag, and ask me up???? :rofl:

Plain Monkey who WANTS TO DANCE! (Please? :flower: )

Dragging this back from the dead:nice: - the joys of random searches

You are 'drop dead gorgeous underneath that paper bag' - I saw you at the Polar Freezestyle:wink: Unfortunately when I was en route to ask you to dance someone beat me to it and, as it was quite late on, the chance never arose again.

Maybe somewhere else? I live in hope...................

Petal
3rd-March-2006, 09:14 PM
I I do get turned down though, and a couple of times recently this has happened 3 times on the trot, at both Hipsters and the Jive Bar :tears: . It is so demoralising, so I sympathise with all of you out there.

However, to get back on thread, the right song, with the right partner can make the whole night for me.

:yeah: ~
That's the one thing that can spoil my night, if i get turned down, and i'm left wondering why. But unless i'm sitting out to catch up with friends i don't see that often, or cooling off, i'll probably dance about half the night, i'm getting on a bit i need to pace myself.

:clap: And yes the right partner with one of my favourite songs just makes my night.:flower:

Freya
4th-March-2006, 11:26 PM
Ok Firstly I apologise for the lameness of this post but It's my 1st.


Firstly, if I'm dancing, I'm having a good night. So if there is music playing, I will either be on the dance floor or heading towards it. For me, there is no question of quantity, quality of dance, quality of music, quality of partners...the dance is what you make it. :D:waycool::clap: OK I love it when you get a dance where you both 'connect' - that turns a good night into a great night.


This is soooo true! I've not been dancing long and at the mo am really just enjoying dancing with new people, learning new moves and and most important having fun!

I remember what it was like going for the first time not really knowing anyone and not having a clue! So I try and talk to the new people and dance with them as well. They may not be great but somtimes you can have a really good laugh - especially when things go wrong :sick:

I sometimes feel that you can dance with a great dancer but if you don't connect then it doesn't make it a great dance. Also being fairly new you can sometimes find it a bit intimidating dancing with them coz you don't feel good enough!

I have found that different people are great to dance with with different songs and styles and that if you can grab the perfect guy for their song then it's often a GREAT Dance.

Most of all If i'm erxahausted at the end and on a major high (Those of you in Abdn will know what I'm like some nights :wink: ) Then thats when I've had a great night!!!!

Freya

Little Monkey
5th-March-2006, 05:17 PM
Dragging this back from the dead:nice: - the joys of random searches

You are 'drop dead gorgeous underneath that paper bag' - I saw you at the Polar Freezestyle:wink: Unfortunately when I was en route to ask you to dance someone beat me to it and, as it was quite late on, the chance never arose again.

Maybe somewhere else? I live in hope...................

I'm actually sitting here blushing! :blush: Aaaawwwwwwwwww, thanks! My weekend has been pretty cr*p so far, and I've now got a huge smile on my face!:D

Will you be at the Masked Ball? If so, please come and introduce yourself and ask me for a dance!:flower:

LM:hug:

Whitebeard
5th-March-2006, 07:38 PM
:yeah: ~
That's the one thing that can spoil my night, if i get turned down, and i'm left wondering why. But unless i'm sitting out to catch up with friends i don't see that often, or cooling off, i'll probably dance about half the night, i'm getting on a bit i need to pace myself.

:clap: And yes the right partner with one of my favourite songs just makes my night.:flower:

I know (heartfelt) just what you mean ;-)

What with giving my rusty knees much needed rest and avoiding thump-thump tracks unless asked, I guess if I manage one in four dances that's a pretty good night for me. One reason I'm such a slow learner.

jivecat
6th-March-2006, 08:32 PM
I do get turned down though, and a couple of times recently this has happened 3 times on the trot, at both Hipsters and the Jive Bar :tears: . It is so demoralising, so I sympathise with all of you out there.


Weird that. You've turned me down on each occasion that I've asked you, many months apart. Yes, it was a bit demoralising. :tears: However, I've got over it. :grin: Maybe next time......:flower:

thewacko
6th-March-2006, 10:26 PM
Originally Posted by Cruella
i would rather dance with a man who dances simple moves well, than one who does complex moves badly!!
:yeah:
now that is why you enjoyed the dance with me on Saturday night at Storm:what:

Freya
16th-March-2006, 01:54 AM
Have just come back from my usual class in JAks in aberdeen. I usually have a top night however tonight for some reason it wasn't so good! I don't mean that it was a bad night but didn't enjoy it as much as i usually do!

I have also found recently that if i've not been the usual completely mental self (Those who know me will understand :wink: ) then people will ask if I'm OK! But I feel that recently my spins have been off, My following has been crap, and overall I just feel that I've not been improving in fact i kinda feel I've been going down hill and am worse now than when I started!!!

:sad: :( :sad:

Is this just me or do others sometimes feel like that? :sick:

Freya xXx

ducasi
16th-March-2006, 09:18 AM
Is this just me or do others sometimes feel like that? Nope, we all get that. Maybe next time will be the same, maybe it'll even be worse, but it won't last long, and soon you'll be back to feeling great, and you'll wonder what the fuss was.

Have a hug. :hug:

Freya
16th-March-2006, 12:32 PM
Thanx

It's nice not to be the only one!

Freya xxx

Gadget
16th-March-2006, 01:35 PM
But I feel that recently my spins have been off, My following has been crap, and overall I just feel that I've not been improving in fact i kinda feel I've been going down hill and am worse now than when I started!!Seemed good to me on Saturday :confused:


Is this just me or do others sometimes feel like that?

I used to get that when I became aware of all the things I was doing wrong or could be done better. And as I get better, I find so many other things that could be improved uppon; the list grows faster than the learning :( {On a plus side, it shows that you are improving :clap:}

However I have changed my attitude a bit since then: I only concentrate on things that are "wrong" or I can improve during a class or dancing to a "boring" track. During freestyle, I try to ignore it and concentrate on my partner, the music and having fun :D

:hug:

Lynn
16th-March-2006, 01:52 PM
Freya - yep, been there. :hug: Feels like you have got worse, but it passes.

My worst night was at a venue (not local!) where I was tired and didn't feel confident enough to ask anyone to dance, so danced very little despite lovely music and felt a bit down at the end.

I'm getting better at asking, but I find that what makes it a good night or a bad night isn't the number of dances. Like Gadget a 'connected' dance will make it a great night. But having done the dance pyschology workshops at Storm I've decided that a bad night v a good night is really my own responsibility. If I'm tired and not dancing well I don't have to stay and dance, I can call it a night, or make an effort to have a dance with a favourite partner. Attitude is really important.

BeeBee
16th-March-2006, 01:53 PM
The most dances i have ever had in a row with one dancer was 3 and a 1/2.
Dx :hug:

Three and a half? :confused: :grin:
lx :hug:

TheTramp
16th-March-2006, 02:38 PM
Three and a half? :confused: :grin:
lx :hug:

The last one wasn't any good. He left her halfway through? :rolleyes:

bigdjiver
16th-March-2006, 02:49 PM
Three and a half? :confused: :grin:
lx :hug:It was a long argument, but they made up?

Donna
16th-March-2006, 02:52 PM
Have just come back from my usual class in JAks in aberdeen. I usually have a top night however tonight for some reason it wasn't so good! I don't mean that it was a bad night but didn't enjoy it as much as i usually do!

I have also found recently that if i've not been the usual completely mental self (Those who know me will understand :wink: ) then people will ask if I'm OK! But I feel that recently my spins have been off, My following has been crap, and overall I just feel that I've not been improving in fact i kinda feel I've been going down hill and am worse now than when I started!!!

:sad: :( :sad:

Is this just me or do others sometimes feel like that? :sick:

Freya xXx

Like ducasi and Gadget said, we all have days like that. I've been having more moments like that since the Blackpool comp. However in a way it's good because you're focusing on what needs improving and again like gadget said, when you feel you have corrected one thing you find faults in other parts of your dancing. It's all part of the process in trying to become a better dancer. Don't let this put you off though and don't get too stressed over it. Learn to deal with it otherwise if you can't, then just say 'to hell with it' and no matter how wrong it is, so long as you are enjoying yourself, what does it matter?

If you are a competitor or are hoping to compete, then I'd say get used to it because if you think what you're feeling now is bad...it gets worse. It kinda takes the enjoyment away at times but not so much that I really want to quit (although that has been crossing my mind recently) but what is it that keeps me doing it? Because I still love it! I guess sometimes when I'm under pressure practising for comps, I don't really get to dance for fun much, only until the comp season is over and then I just mess around with it and relax, dance with loads of people and er....get drunk!! Tee hee.

Happy dancing

:hug:

Freya
16th-March-2006, 03:46 PM
Seemed good to me on Saturday :confused:

Thanx hun new I could rely on you to boost my ego :D






On a plus side, it shows that you are improving :clap:

Really am I improving?

Freya
xXx

drathzel
29th-March-2006, 12:17 AM
Thanx hun new I could rely on you to boost my ego :D
Really am I improving?

Freya
xXx

Gadget is fab to dance with, he is really encouraging and will try and give you something to think about but not to much you feel like you had a crap dance. I dont think i have ever had a bad dance with Gadget!:hug:

Freya
29th-March-2006, 12:31 AM
Gadget is fab to dance with, he is really encouraging and will try and give you something to think about but not to much you feel like you had a crap dance. I dont think i have ever had a bad dance with Gadget!:hug:


:yeah: You can also have a giggle with him. I like that. Tonight he started doing the Robot halfway through (Was appropriate to the music and mood!) and after that we just messed about thro the song!!! I think i have found my groove again! :clap: tonight started off not so good but ended up being fab!

*If you can't giggle at yourself who can you giggle at?*

drathzel
29th-March-2006, 12:36 AM
:yeah: You can also have a giggle with him. I like that. Tonight he started doing the Robot halfway through (Was appropriate to the music and mood!) and after that we just messed about thro the song!!! I think i have found my groove again! :clap: tonight started off not so good but ended up being fab!

*If you can't giggle at yourself who can you giggle at?*

exactly. Some of the most fun dances are pi$$ takes!:D

Freya
29th-March-2006, 12:45 AM
Whats fun bout being serious all the time?? :na:

SOme dancers look so miserable all the time - I'm the one thats always giggling and laughing my head off!!!

Apparently it doesn't look very good!! :sick: but if i'm haveing a good time then I have this big cheesy grin and i think my partner doesn't mind. although I did get one guy thinking i was laughing AT him!!! Ooops

drathzel
29th-March-2006, 12:49 AM
Whats fun bout being serious all the time?? :na:

SOme dancers look so miserable all the time - I'm the one thats always giggling and laughing my head off!!!

Apparently it doesn't look very good!! :sick: but if i'm haveing a good time then I have this big cheesy grin and i think my partner doesn't mind. although I did get one guy thinking i was laughing AT him!!! Ooops

LW says he loves seeing me dancing cuz i am really smiley and happy and he loves to see me enjoying myself. The only time i am not smiling is if i really have to concentrate, or i am trying to be sexy:rofl:

Freya
29th-March-2006, 01:02 AM
LW?

Cool another smiler

drathzel
29th-March-2006, 01:03 AM
LW?

Cool another smiler

Lone Wolf (my boyfriend)

Freya
29th-March-2006, 01:05 AM
Ahhh cool. I'm useless when people abreviate things. It took me an absolute age to work out that IMO = In My Opinion! and there are still things that I don't know!

Arrrgh it's frustrating sometimes!:mad:

drathzel
29th-March-2006, 01:07 AM
Ahhh cool. I'm useless when people abreviate things. It took me an absolute age to work out that IMO = In My Opinion! and there are still things that I don't know!

Arrrgh it's frustrating sometimes!:mad:

You'll get used to it, most of the time its people abrievating names!

Freya
29th-March-2006, 01:08 AM
i guess it's just one of those things!! I should just ask really! but then i think i'm a bit thick! never mind i'm sure there will be something out there that I'm good at :wink: