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Sheepman
24th-December-2004, 02:22 PM
I've posted a few of these elsewhere, but I've got so many, I hope they're worth sharing!

pendulous - when you can put a pen under it and it stays there
psychopath - crazy paving
mistake - winner of a butchers beauty contest
gross mistake - unlikely winner of a butchers beauty contest
maisonette - a very small chief constable
sentiment - the perfume he intended to buy
sewage - legal work
Palisade - what the Queen drinks
margate - the mother of all scandals
Postulate - the new name for the Royal Mail
juniper - Israeli crab
Decade - Ant
herpes - what my wife has won prizes for at the local produce show
deglaze - to stop watching neighbours
mushrooms - what Lawrence Lewellyn Bowen does

(These are all from Humphrey Lyttleton and team :worthy: )

Greg

baldrick
24th-December-2004, 03:45 PM
psychopath- the green stripe of tarmac for Bicycles to wizz past the slow coaches in their cars.

Sheepman
11th-February-2005, 12:38 PM
Dossier - a French tramp
Scandal - footwear you should be ashamed of
Arsenic - I've just sat on a razor blade
vanish - rather like a van
cannabilistic - a geordie missile
bigamist - a larger than usual fog
testicular - a vampire who talks boll*cks
retard - (in Yorkshire) very difficult
weight machine - Virgin train
weightwatcher - Virgin passenger
bishopric - unpopular member of the clergy
Cabbage - the opinions of taxi drivers
substitute - an underwater hooker

Sheepman
22nd-March-2005, 06:12 PM
Dictator - humourously shaped root vegetable
colonnade - a fizzy enema
gurgle - to steal a ventriloquist's dummy
snuff box - coffin
Humpty Dumpty - One who is humped and dumped
Intercontinental - a person who has wet themselves all over the world
sub judacy - the Israeli underground system
beaverbrook - a nude bathing area
rapscallion - a funky spring onion
disconsolate - a particular embassy
hiding - a bell you can't reach
lymph - (verb) to walk with a lisp
transistor - a brother who wears his mother's clothes
antelope - to run off with your mother's sister

(I know most of these are duplicated from elsewhere, but they still tickle me!)

Stuart
22nd-March-2005, 09:09 PM
Stockade - A meat based fizzy drink
Shamrock - A tribute band
Explain - Concorde
Arizona - The person Harry belongs to
Tapas - To gently touch somebody's bottom

Sheepman
18th-April-2005, 12:55 PM
egret - an apology sent by computer
claustrophobia - fear of Father Christmas
baloney -dissapointing skirt length fashion
bicycle - a double headed corn cutter
coffee - someone covered in spit
boutique - a startling kind of hardwood
looggerheads - people who are addicted to sniffing lumberjacks
circumnavigator - jewish sailor
grannary - old folks home
knighthood - contraceptive
dilate - live long
tapioca - a disappointingly average dance routine
sycamore - not as well as I used to be
tafeta - a welsh goats cheese
piston - humiliated!
undertaker - a half hearted shoplifter
hydraulics - to conceal the things you rest your oars in
trigonometry - a cowboys method for locating his horse

Rhythm King
18th-April-2005, 02:09 PM
Some office definitions (apologies if you've seen them before):

TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking b*llocks.
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the cr*p out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e. g. you've hit 'reply all')

And for when you get home from earning your daily crust:

MONKEY BATH - A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo! Ho! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

Sheepman
25th-April-2005, 12:55 PM
Rebut - having your bottom lifted
Miniscule - a toddler's playgroup in Liverpool
mastiff - boys at a Britney spears concert
Dentist - Man who fixes your car
Lactose - the effect of frostbite
Dissident - foreigner pointing out damage to your car

Greg

Stuart
25th-April-2005, 04:05 PM
Creche - What two cars have in Kensington

El Salsero Gringo
25th-April-2005, 04:24 PM
I always thought 'miniscule' was a judgement about the length of a lady's skirt.

Stuart
28th-April-2005, 07:36 PM
Satire - To be seated in an elevated position.
Quaker - A posh duck.
Retread - Very red in Yorkshire.
Aperitif - Cockney Dentures.
Porcupine - To regret becoming a vegetarian.

Sheepman
29th-April-2005, 12:27 PM
Cockaleekie - prostrate problem
Custard - to swear after stepping in something
Dilatory - Conservative sex aid
Donut - eccentric millionaire
Hullabaloo - How to greet a bear
Fiasco - unsuccessful wall painting

Greg

Purple Sparkler
16th-May-2005, 04:19 PM
Had to respond to Rhythm King's post:
Have you ever come across the (actually perfectly serious) 'al desko' as a term for where most office workers eat lunch?

Sheepman
16th-May-2005, 06:00 PM
Geranium - The cry of the parachute regiments flower arranging display team
Castigate - to have a nasty accident climbing into a field
Combat - an aggressive marsupial
Artefact - pretentious statistic
Onion bhajee - French canal boat
Hebrew - Jewish tea bag

El Salsero Gringo
16th-May-2005, 06:22 PM
Hebrew - Jewish tea bagDoes that mean an Israelite is a decafeinated Hebrew?

Purple Sparkler
17th-May-2005, 10:32 AM
Does that mean an Israelite is a decafeinated Hebrew?

I thought it was a Rabbi who'd lost weight.

Sheepman
24th-May-2005, 03:42 PM
Trolley - an abundance of trolls
Hobgoblin - eating stoves
Comatose - foot's gone dead
napkin - one of the tiny sleep nymphs
fecund - the one before third

Greg

Clive Long
24th-May-2005, 04:53 PM
diaphonus - waiting for Diana to call me
unctuous - asking my Dad's brother to be quiet

Purple Sparkler
24th-May-2005, 04:56 PM
fornicate: To cook lasagne in a rude shape.

Clive Long
24th-May-2005, 05:53 PM
politics - an activity where men talk loudly at each other without listening or appearing to draw breath

Sheepman
25th-May-2005, 12:25 PM
lampoon - a device for whaling at night
cantankerous - chain of shops that sells tanks
sweet trolley -an abundance of delightful trolls
stylist - a pig directory
creche - collision in Kensington

Sheepman
31st-May-2005, 04:40 PM
For those that missed the programme last night, here are a few more of my favourites...

Liability - political skill
comatose - what a beuatician does to a lady with a lot of unwanted hair
propaganda - a good look
Labour - Tory
florida - more redder in the face
platypus - give your cat pigtails
tallyho - a loose woman who keeps count

JCB
11th-July-2007, 07:36 PM
fecund - the one before third

Filly Feepman! Fecund ith fe one before fird! :D