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Minnie M
17th-October-2004, 10:23 PM
Just got back from the BEST weekend ever which was for Style and Technique (be it on the swing scene) – perfect accommodation, good food, fantastic teaching, great dancers and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of shops :worthy:

I decided to do the beginners and intermediate class following my fav teachers around, but this was marred by someone upsetting me, and I felt I could not do the beginners class as it would mean dancing with someone who previously insulted me – (did not spoil the weekend as I went shopping to compensate :clap: )

The Insult :-
There was a malfunction in one of the lifts triggered by the doors opening and closing many times before moving – I got in the lift on one of these occasions and the alarm went off, :eek: within a flash this very rude person told me to get out as my weight was the cause :mad: (there was only 4 people in the lift at the time which holds up to 16 persons or 900 kilos) – I know I am a big girl ………… but …………………. (OK it has it’s funny side :really: but I was very upset at the time :tears: )

Any ideas how I should have dealt with this ?

Trousers
17th-October-2004, 10:31 PM
Any ideas how I should have dealt with this ?

An UZI 9mm sprayed around the interior of the lift would probably have sufficed.

In the absence of the weapon of choice then a swift knee in the goolies following up with a double fisted whack to the back of the head as the tosser went down.

drathzel
17th-October-2004, 10:34 PM
An UZI 9mm sprayed around the interior of the lift would probably have sufficed.

In the absence of the weapon of choice then a swift knee in the goolies following up with a double fisted whack to the back of the head as the tosser went down.

:yeah: :yeah: :yeah:

Lory
17th-October-2004, 11:08 PM
Any ideas how I should have dealt with this ?
You should have suggested a quicker way for him to get down, JUMP. out the nearest window! :angry:

Andy McGregor
17th-October-2004, 11:24 PM
I think we don't want people like this in our cosy world of dance. I suggest this person is named on the Forum. They might be thick skinned enough to appear at a dance venue - but they might find that nobody wants to dance with them once word of their nastyness gets around :mad: :angry:

Although we all make mistakes - so if our Mr DanceNasty would like to confess and beg forgiveness ...

.. and offer penance.

.. and promise to never give negative rep ever again :hint:

p.s. I know who it is.

Gadget
17th-October-2004, 11:37 PM
Any ideas how I should have dealt with this ?
"If it can only take one of us, I know which I'm choosing. Out. NOW!"

Look him up & down; "You know, I would rather walk than have to be that close to such an opinionated waste of DNA."

Jump up & down in the lift shouting "Down! Down! Why don't you drop Gadnamit!"

Drop shopping, run over to him, clutching him and panic "Did you hear that? it sounded like a cable going ping!"... "We're all gonna DIE!" <sob>

:flower: Easy to think on these things after the event, I would probably just stand in shock for a few moments before asking him to repeat it and haveing a discussion about observation, sizeism, intellegence and manors.

:hug::hug:

Tiggerbabe
17th-October-2004, 11:59 PM
As Gadget says, Minnie - it's always after the event that I think of all the smart/clever things I should have said/done.............do you think he was maybe trying to be funny? In some strange sort of way............and then the minute the words were out of his mouth he was regretting them?

Alternatively, the guy's just an idiot whose presence on earth you are better off not even acknowledging - and it was obviously not the weight of his brain that was the cause of the malfunction.

:hug: :hug:

Lory
18th-October-2004, 12:12 AM
and it was obviously not the weight of his brain that was the cause of the malfunction.

:hug: :hug: :yeah: Erm Spaces for 16 - 4. that leaves room for 12 more, no? Or was he saying that Minnie weighs more that 12 people put together? :confused: Idiot!

TheTramp
18th-October-2004, 12:38 AM
I think we don't want people like this in our cosy world of dance.
Sorry. I don't know the circumstances, and maybe I'm talking out of turn.

If everyone who'd said similar things to me, about being overweight, or being bald, or whatever, wasn't wanted in dancing, then there'd be a hell of a lot less people dancing. And on the forum. Including a couple of people who've posted in this thread!!

Maybe the guy (whoever he was) was just trying to be funny, and failing. Maybe if he knew that he'd upset Minnie, he'd be contrite. Maybe he wouldn't be. I don't know, and I'm sorry that Minnie was upset. A little harsh (and possibly hypocritical?) to be suggesting that we wouldn't want him around in dancing though?

Of course, if he was just trying to be nasty, then that's different....

Trampy

Graham
18th-October-2004, 12:58 AM
This wasn't funny or clever. Yes, perhaps the perpetrator is already regretting it, but I see no reason to leave this in any doubt. Since you missed the opportunity to slap, I think vengeance may have to take the form of naming and shaming.

Bangers & Mash
18th-October-2004, 01:27 AM
The Insult :-
There was a malfunction in one of the lifts triggered by the doors opening and closing many times before moving – I got in the lift on one of these occasions and the alarm went off, :eek: within a flash this very rude person told me to get out as my weight was the cause :mad: (there was only 4 people in the lift at the time which holds up to 16 persons or 900 kilos) – I know I am a big girl ………… but …………………. (OK it has it’s funny side :really: but I was very upset at the time :tears: )

Any ideas how I should have dealt with this ?

six possibles for starters...

1. No, that was the ugly bloke alarm - you need to look away from the camera or we'll be stuck here forever

2. Actually, that's the noxious gases alarm - best not to breath out else we'll be stuck here forever

3. You weren't complaining about my weight last night, but then again you were probably embarasssed with your performance

4. Hey, you don't hear me complaining about you being ugly - at least I can go on a diet

5. Aha, comedian. That explains your dancing

6. Cor, there goes that dreadful smell again - you might want to take something for that

drathzel
18th-October-2004, 08:31 AM
six possibles for starters...

1. No, that was the ugly bloke alarm - you need to look away from the camera or we'll be stuck here forever

2. Actually, that's the noxious gases alarm - best not to breath out else we'll be stuck here forever

3. You weren't complaining about my weight last night, but then again you were probably embarasssed with your performance

4. Hey, you don't hear me complaining about you being ugly - at least I can go on a diet

5. Aha, comedian. That explains your dancing

6. Cor, there goes that dreadful smell again - you might want to take something for that

:rofl: :rofl: I just ****ed myself laughing, i must remember these for the next time someone insults me!!! :rofl: :rofl:

Minnie M
18th-October-2004, 09:13 AM
Maybe the guy (whoever he was) was just trying to be funny, and failing. Maybe if he knew that he'd upset Minnie, he'd be contrite. Maybe he wouldn't be. I don't know, and I'm sorry that Minnie was upset. A little harsh (and possibly hypocritical?) to be suggesting that we wouldn't want him around in dancing though?

Of course, if he was just trying to be nasty, then that's different....

No he wasn't trying to be funny - he was quite angry

His actions were so quick and he started to come towards me as if to shun me out - seeing my embarassment one of the other people in the lift said surely it can't be a weight problem, he continued to say to me "Get out it IS a weight problem"

Yes, I am sure he regrets it now

NO - I didn't get an apology from him :mad:

The only good thing from this incident is the other 3 people in the lift are now my friends and the 2 guys are great dancers :clap: :kiss: :hug: :yeah:

Andy McGregor
18th-October-2004, 09:14 AM
If everyone who'd said similar things to me, about being overweight, or being bald, or whatever, wasn't wanted in dancing, then there'd be a hell of a lot less people dancing. And on the forum. Including a couple of people who've posted in this thread!!

There is a big difference. We know the Tramp very well, and we say those things out of love and affection. Now I think about it, these comments are invited by him saying something like "would anyone like to dance with an ugly, fat, bald beginner" - maybe he was hoping someone would disagree with him :whistle:

I'm certain that Minnie showed she was hurt as soon as she received this insult and an immediate apology would have been the immediate reaction of anybody who was mistakenly having a bit of fun and making a joke of the situation - that apology wasn't delivered and it still hasn't been :angry:

Speaking personally, I often make jokes at other people's expense. My intention is to be entertaining and funny - as I have done in my first paragraph above. Usually my happy quip gets a laugh because everyone knows I'm just kidding and knows it's just a bit of fun. Once or twice (maybe a bit more than that :blush: ) I've been taken the wrong way and caused upset. In those situations I've found flowers/chocolates with a sincere apology usually does the trick and the whole event has a happy ending with forgiveness and luvviness and a closer friendship as result.

I have Minnie's address and our, currently anonymous, friend could PM me if he'd like to know where to send the flowers.

Andy the peacemaker.

p.s. If we can sort this one the middle east should be a doddle. Just think how Palestine would react if Israel dropped flowers instead of bombs :flower:

Minnie M
18th-October-2004, 09:28 AM
I have Minnie's address and our, currently anonymous, friend could PM me if he'd like to know where to send the flowers.


:blush: :blush:
Thank you everyone :hug: - reading your comments have made me laugh and that certainly helps :hug: :kiss:

PS: don't send choccies :really: :rofl: after THAT incident if nothing else, it has put me back on track dieting :blush: :whistle:

Lynn
18th-October-2004, 09:43 AM
NO - I didn't get an apology from him :mad: My attitude is someone says something that upsets me is 'did they intend to cause offence', if not then I give them the benefit of the doubt. But this does not sound like that sort of comment. :angry: It sounds like someone who didn't care if they were offensive or not (surely men know that commenting on a ladies weight is something that could be hurtful). And if the person realises that they have upset you then you deserve an apology. If one is not forthcoming, then they aren't worth bothering with.

Andy McGregor
18th-October-2004, 10:02 AM
PS: don't send choccies :really: :rofl: after THAT incident if nothing else, it has put me back on track dieting :blush: :whistle:

Good has come of this already. Minnie is even more determined to stick to her diet :clap:

.. although she was doing all right last Wednesday when she resisted my invitation to go for an Indian after the Charlton class :waycool:

Chicklet
18th-October-2004, 10:03 AM
Morning Minnie,

feeling a touch sensitive in much the same way after seeing myself on a video this weekend. :whistle:

This may or may not help but I mean it to....I know we have only met a couple of times but can I just say that, casting my mind back, I never formed an opinion of you as being more than wee, cuddly and light on your feet, so honestly find this tale horrifyingly nasty.
:hug:
C :grin:

CJ
18th-October-2004, 10:14 AM
feeling a touch sensitive in much the same way after seeing myself on a video this weekend.

I meant to ask... how did your first shoot go?!?

Were they as big as you feared?!!?

And will the perks/pay encourage you to give up accountancy??

Chicklet
18th-October-2004, 10:46 AM
I meant to ask... how did your first shoot go?!?

Were they as big as you feared?!!?

And will the perks/pay encourage you to give up accountancy??

Well, the other 3 girls were great fun, if that's what you're REALLY asking :blush:
Now gerrorf this thread with yer smut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jivecat
18th-October-2004, 11:22 AM
casting my mind back, I never formed an opinion of you as being more than wee, cuddly and light on your feet,


Well, ditto. So, I'd have thought that he was much heavier than you anyway, so why wasn't he getting out of the lift?

CJ
18th-October-2004, 11:33 AM
Minnie,

I was thinking about stuff earlier today and a realisation came to me: it may not help, but it is true...

What he said to you was about HIS limitations as a person and not yours!!!!!

Gadget
18th-October-2004, 12:33 PM
Speaking personally, I often make jokes at other people's expense.
:yeah: But you only insult someone when you know them and are friends with them {well, me and Andy at any rate}. This was not an insult: it was a prejudice remark said without thought - which allows us a glimpse into his view of the world.

However, playing devil's advocate for a second: If you were standing in the lift when someone came into it (no matter body size) and alarms went off within it - How would your deductive reasoning work?
- No-one with hands near any buttons; so it can't be that someone's pressed the alarm.
- No-one smoking or any (unusual for a lift) smells; so it can't be a smoke alarm.
- The alarm went off as that person stepped in; must be related to them.
- What else can go wrong with a lift to cause alarms to go off? doors or weight.
- The doors opened fine for me, people came out before I got in, no-one seems to be touching/near them.
- Must be weight.

If there was a fault with the doors causing the alarm, it is quite possible that there may have been a fault with the weight sensing apparatus that meant anyone who stepped in (child of 5 or American tourist) would have set it off. Addition of weight set it off; removal of weight is likely to fix the situation. Last in, first out rule and self-preservation would probably lead to trying to get that person out. The main mistake I think that the person in question made was attributing the fault to the weight and not the sensors in the lift. {...that and being impolite - there is no excuse for rudeness.:mad:}

bigdjiver
18th-October-2004, 01:02 PM
Well, ditto. So, I'd have thought that he was much heavier than you anyway, so why wasn't he getting out of the lift?Possibly the telling point, and desrving of rep, but I got the damned "spread it" message again. :( Also some rep in the sky for the person that spoke up.

To me it is for those of other passengers who did not come to Minnies defence to consider what they should have done, although it does sound like a situation where most people freeze.

MartinHarper
18th-October-2004, 03:06 PM
*sigh* Hi Minnie.


It is for those of other passengers who did not come to Minnies defence to consider what they should have done

As I recall, they told me off when the doors had closed - mentioning both that the alarm going off was very likely a co-incidence (they didn't suggest a malfunctioning sensor, though in retrospect that's more likely), and further that the lady in question was likely to be a little sensitive about her weight. I can't recall whether they tried to intervene at the time - in all likelihood, yes.

As usual, Gadget has precisely diagnosed the problem, with such accuracy I can only assume he was there - someone gets onto a lift, the alarm goes off - attempt to solve the problem by restoring previous situation. I wasn't angry, and I absolutely wasn't trying to be rude, and I'm sorry that it came across that way. "Without thought" is, sadly, accurate.

It was nothing to do with Minnie - I'd have reacted the same way no matter who set off the alarm - it wasn't a comment on her weight at all. Regretfully, I didn't know that the lift in fact had a capacity of 16 people - had I done so, my reactions would likely have been different.

I think I saw Minnie for a second or so on the fourth floor after, walking rapidly away and looking angry, and I confess I chickened out of trying to apologise then. I didn't see her after. Or, to be more accurate, I probably saw her several times but didn't recognise who it was: people who know me will know that my memory for names and faces is abysmal.

Belated apologies, Minnie. It's a shame I didn't see this post yesterday and make amends then, but I think the last thing I wanted to do when I got back home was to check online. Sleep was something of a priority for me - I'm just crawling out of bed about now, aching legs and all. For the little it's worth, I am sorry - especially that you missed out on the beginner classes, which were fantastic.

Oh, and thanks for letting me know. I do learn... just not as fast as everyone else.

-Martin, Social Illiterate.

Forte
18th-October-2004, 03:16 PM
Gosh...that was a brave public post. Poor Minnie ...bit brave of you to apologise publically.

Chicklet
18th-October-2004, 03:20 PM
well is that a forum first?

an "incident" worked all the way thru?

respect to both for brave posts!
C

CJ
18th-October-2004, 03:23 PM
well is that a forum first?

an "incident" worked all the way thru?


... with some smut in between!!!



respect to both for brave posts!


:yeah:

Respect. :worthy:

Minnie M
18th-October-2004, 05:43 PM
Belated apologies, Minnie. It's a shame I didn't see this post yesterday and make amends then, but I think the last thing I wanted to do when I got back home was to check online

The fact I started the thread last night confirms how upset I was.


Gosh...that was a brave public post. Poor Minnie ...bit brave of you to apologise publically.

I did not name the person concerned, it could have been anyone - only one person on the forum knew who it was, therefore it was brave to publicly apologise. Real shame it was not a personal apology I could have done the classes then (which I was really enjoying until the incident happend) however, an apology is an apology, therefore accepted.

Forte
19th-October-2004, 12:05 PM
I did not name the person concerned, it could have been anyone - only one person on the forum knew who it was, therefore it was brave to publicly apologise. Real shame it was not a personal apology I could have done the classes then (which I was really enjoying until the incident happend) however, an apology is an apology, therefore accepted.[/QUOTE]


I think you deserve a hug- have two :hug: :hug:

Minnie M
19th-October-2004, 12:22 PM
Thank you Forte :hug:

I am really surprised to see Martin's post - and although I can not forget the incident I respect the guy for publicly apologising - now I wish to close this matter and get on with DANCING.............. I HATE bad feeling especially on the dance scene.

Thank you all for your kind words :flower:

(me dancing with my partner Micky - he is still a beginner)

drathzel
19th-October-2004, 12:47 PM
:clap: :worthy: :clap: :worthy:

Only a woman could do that!

Andy McGregor
19th-October-2004, 01:54 PM
(me dancing with my partner Micky - he is still a beginner)

Is that why he's holding on with his thumbs?

MartinHarper
19th-October-2004, 03:34 PM
... and his weight is too far back?
... and his arms are stretched out straight?
... and he's wearing shorts? :)

(by contrast, wearing a hat adds around six months experience to your dancing ability...)

drathzel
19th-October-2004, 03:57 PM
... and his weight is too far back?
... and his arms are stretched out straight?
... and he's wearing shorts? :)

(by contrast, wearing a hat adds around six months experience to your dancing ability...)
You are just sucking up now!!!! :D

TheTramp
19th-October-2004, 04:51 PM
You are just sucking up now!!!! :D
You didn't get the reference then, did you Drathzel.... :rofl:

Trampy

drathzel
19th-October-2004, 05:01 PM
You didn't get the reference then, did you Drathzel.... :rofl:

Trampy

Yes but i was making it obvious!

TheTramp
19th-October-2004, 05:22 PM
Yes but i was making it obvious!
You've heard of a bloke called Nigel then??

Trampy

drathzel
19th-October-2004, 06:10 PM
You've heard of a bloke called Nigel then??

Trampy

:yum:

MartinHarper
19th-October-2004, 06:41 PM
There were also a couple of teachers at the swing event with headwear attached: Johnny and Becky. Superb dancers. As it happens, they were my favourite teachers: they took three beginner workshops, each over an hour long, and they taught us precisely one move. Fantastic.

Lounge Lizard
19th-October-2004, 06:45 PM
well the guy is a forum member ad judjing by his open approach to give negative reps perhaps this is his nature
so perhaps an open appology on the forum would be nice, the urge to name and shame may get the better of me but I will try to resist.

This IMHO is beyond any acceptable level of rudeness so I dont agree with you steve- if it had been a 20 stone rugby player stepping into the lift would the advice/instruction to get out the lift been issued so quickly and in such a determined fashion methinksnot.

Forte
20th-October-2004, 01:32 PM
well the guy is a forum member ad judjing by his open approach to give negative reps perhaps this is his nature
so perhaps an open appology on the forum would be nice, the urge to name and shame may get the better of me but I will try to resist.

This IMHO is beyond any acceptable level of rudeness so I dont agree with you steve- if it had been a 20 stone rugby player stepping into the lift would the advice/instruction to get out the lift been issued so quickly and in such a determined fashion methinksnot.
Erm.. I think you are behind the times. There has been a public apology... :rolleyes: