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View Full Version : Why doesn't your partner dance, then?



Emma
2nd-August-2004, 10:05 AM
Prompted By Mr Par's thread, and Mr McGregor's reply.... strike of the pollaholic :)

Actually when I started dancing I was constantly asked this question, and in the end it got almost embarrassing. I dragged my (now ex) partner along and he did a couple of lessons, but he absolutely hated it - mostly because he wasn't very good at it. Actually I think he would have been good (he was getting the hang of leading after only two classes) but he didn't enjoy himself, and you can't force someone to do something they don't like!

ChrisA
2nd-August-2004, 11:32 AM
I dragged my (now ex) partner along and he did a couple of lessons, but he absolutely hated it - mostly because he wasn't very good at it.
I am eternally grateful to my ex for dragging me along to a Ceroc class. I was crap and didn't go back for 6 months, even though I knew it was something I really wanted to do.

So she tried again; I was still crap and didn't go back for another 6 months.

So finally, about a year after the first class, she had a final go, and dragged me to a Cerocshop - it clicked enough for me to freestyle beginners moves and I started going every week.

This is why I spend a lot of time encouraging beginners that it's Ok to feel crap at the beginning, but not to let it put them off. I'd be a lot better now, I reckon, if I'd been more persistent in the early days.

Chris

Trish
2nd-August-2004, 11:39 AM
Personally my husband doesn't dance because he is completely dance phobic! The very thought of any type of dancing makes him look like he's going to be sick, and having been dancing the whole of the three years I've known him, I've got used to dancing without him. It's actually nice to go out and do my own thing, while he goes to the pub with the lads or has guitar lessons - which is his thing. I think if he started dancing now it would make things difficult, as I'd feel obliged to dance with him, even though he'd find the whole process frustrating and get annoyed with me, and consequently we'd end up fighting! Vive la difference I say - if he doesn't want to dance it isn't going to affect our relationship.

Emma
2nd-August-2004, 11:48 AM
Goodness Chris, Your ex must've been one persistant woman! :clap:

ChrisA
2nd-August-2004, 12:43 PM
Goodness Chris, Your ex must've been one persistant woman! :clap:
Ironically, she gave up Ceroc after we went our separate ways :D

Funny old life, eh?

Chris

Lou
2nd-August-2004, 02:08 PM
I asked my hubby & he said:

Serious answer? Can you put more than one? It's about 5% a, 25% b, and 70% c - the main "other" reason being it simply just doesn't appeal to me. I can't really put my finger on why, I just don't see myself doing it. If you can only put one then put me down as c - "another reason".

Hope this helps! :flower:

under par
2nd-August-2004, 02:14 PM
I am eternally grateful to my ex for dragging me along to a Ceroc class. I was crap and didn't go back for 6 months, even though I knew it was something I really wanted to do.

So she tried again; I was still crap and didn't go back for another 6 months.

So finally, about a year after the first class, she had a final go, and dragged me to a Cerocshop - it clicked enough for me to freestyle beginners moves and I started going every week.

This is why I spend a lot of time encouraging beginners that it's Ok to feel crap at the beginning, but not to let it put them off. I'd be a lot better now, I reckon, if I'd been more persistent in the early days.

Chris


Chris, a very similar experience to me, I have given up for 6 moths or longer three times cos I felt awkward and couldn't put together moves in freestyle like I wanted.

I now also spend time helping (in unofficial capacity) when I can and try to pass on tips of good/best practice to beginners.

Bardsey
2nd-August-2004, 02:34 PM
My partner (when we got back together) decided to start beginner classes, even though its a well known fact that he has two left feet. He did this cos he reasoned that as I was so into the dancing and now so much my "own person" that I would still go out dancing whether he liked it or not, so if you can't beat em etc. He has been going about 10 weeks now and still stays in the beginners cos the co-ordination between, feet, arms and beat hasn't clicked into place yet, but he is def getting better and the main thing is, he really, really enjoys it!

Yliander
2nd-August-2004, 03:00 PM
I need an option for "all of the above" - my male friends have refused to come to dancing for all of the reasons list and so many more :rofl:

Gordon J Pownall
4th-August-2004, 03:27 PM
My partner (when we got back together) decided to start beginner classes, even though its a well known fact that he has two left feet. He did this cos he reasoned that as I was so into the dancing and now so much my "own person" that I would still go out dancing whether he liked it or not, so if you can't beat em etc. He has been going about 10 weeks now and still stays in the beginners cos the co-ordination between, feet, arms and beat hasn't clicked into place yet, but he is def getting better and the main thing is, he really, really enjoys it!

....and that's what counts......I went kicking and screaming my first time.....had an absolute blinder of a night and never looked back since....

Bardsey
4th-August-2004, 03:45 PM
....and that's what counts......I went kicking and screaming my first time.....had an absolute blinder of a night and never looked back since....

He does enjoy it and have a laugh, but can't say he's had a "blinder" of a night, although he came very close to being "blinded" by the back of my hand last night. He is one of these guys who doesn't put his brain in gear before he opens his mouth.

I was crewing last night, but as there were more men than women for a change, I was being a woman, so I told him I'd partner him in the line up. Off we trot to the line up and he seemed to be hesitating etc., asked him if he didn't want to dance with me or sumfink and he said everything was fine. We'd had this idea last night to all wear name labels and up comes this woman (also a beginner) without one, so I asked her where it was, next thing I know she's standing in front of MY partner and he says to me, "tell you what, you go get her badge and I'll dance with her!" I stood there, open-mouthed, I couldn't believe it! Mind you, ever the professional, I got her name badge, then went to get a guy from the spares line.

Boy, did he cop for it when we got home!.....He won't do THAT to me again! His (feeble) excuse was that I intimidate him with the dance thing. Moi ??? :confused:

Gordon J Pownall
4th-August-2004, 03:48 PM
Boy, did he cop for it when we got home!.....He won't do THAT to me again! His (feeble) excuse was that I intimidate him with the dance thing. Moi ??? :confused:


To quote an American Prison Movie......


"Your my bitch now boy......."

I'm surprised he went home........I'd have hidden for...oh.....about five years - give you time to cool down...... :flower:

Sparkles
4th-August-2004, 03:49 PM
We need an option for 'virtually all of my male friends dance, so I have no need to try and convince my male friends that don't that they should'. Or should I just not be posting on this thread? :wink:

Missy D
6th-August-2004, 12:28 AM
Partner? am i the only singleton here :sad:

Gadget
6th-August-2004, 12:44 AM
My husband/partner/male friend won't dance for another reason
erm... what's this sexist thing: I dance, my wife does not. I get asked with regularity why not and that I should take her along - she declines.

She has danced with me (being modest, I am not that bad a dancer for beginners) as a kid and has a tin full of medals for ballet, tap, highland...but it's this 'making it up as you go' that throws her: give her a caberet or show-case and it wouldn't be a problem, but improvisation is just not in her.

Gordon J Pownall
6th-August-2004, 09:35 AM
Partner? am i the only singleton here :sad:

We're a match Missy D - we even have the same looks and dance style..!!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Rachel
6th-August-2004, 09:37 AM
She has danced with me (being modest, I am not that bad a dancer for beginners) as a kid and has a tin full of medals for ballet, tap, highland...but it's this 'making it up as you go' that throws her: give her a caberet or show-case and it wouldn't be a problem, but improvisation is just not in her. I sympathise with her! I'm the same. But it's fine - you just let the guys do all the hard work!

Oh God - memories of ballet exams where you had to improvise to a piece of music with the examiner peering critically over her glasses at you and the old lady pianist in the corner willing you to do better ... to do something ... anything, for Christ's sake, girl!!!
Rachel x

Emma
9th-August-2004, 10:58 PM
erm... what's this sexist thing: Er...well, it came out of a discussion about keeping male dancers, and why so few actually started in the first place...during which I speculated that it was because many men regard dancing as 'sissy'. I started the poll to try and get some statistics on this, so didn't include women. Mea Culpa. :blush:


(don't believe I have EVER in my life been accused of being sexist before :tears: )

MartinHarper
28th-October-2005, 12:15 AM
A guy at work was thinking of dancing, but I think he concluded that there were insufficient hot chicks, and it wasn't really his thing.
If hot forumite women PM me scantily clad photos of themselves, I might be able to remedy this.


I started the poll to try and get some statistics on this, so didn't include women.

We need a seperate poll to find out how many wives don't dance because it's sissy/poofy/unmacho.

ChrisA
28th-October-2005, 08:50 AM
but I think he concluded that there were insufficient hot chicks
Is it ever possible for there to be sufficient hot chicks? :confused:

David Franklin
28th-October-2005, 08:52 AM
Is it ever possible for there to be sufficient hot chicks? :confused:I take it you've never worked in KFC...

under par
28th-October-2005, 08:57 AM
Is it ever possible for there to be sufficient hot chicks? :confused:


Now you're asking !!!! The answer lies with the conundrum "Is my wife /partner stood behind me as I type this reply?"

If I say "NO there are never sufficient hot chicks!!" Is Mrs Par here with me or asleep in bed???
Ouch !

Cruella
28th-October-2005, 11:39 AM
Is it ever possible for there to be sufficient hot chicks? :confused:
There only needs to be as many as the men can handle.:whistle: Besides we're all hot by the end of a nights dancing.

Piglet
28th-October-2005, 09:41 PM
Now you're asking !!!! The answer lies with the conundrum "Is my wife /partner stood behind me as I type this reply?"

If I say "NO there are never sufficient hot chicks!!" Is Mrs Par here with me or asleep in bed???
Ouch !
:rofl: :rofl: Or is she reading it 3 years later?? and hitting you all over again! :rofl: :rofl: I reckon you're a pussycat in her hands!:wink:

In answer to this thread : I'm assuming I know the answer :whistle:
My boyfriend runs his own business, works long and hard and lives 45 minutes away from his nearest ceroc night! None of those may be the reason he doesn't come along and try it, but I reckon they're as good excuses as any (unless you've been hit by the bug of course).

Baruch
29th-October-2005, 03:33 AM
Er...well, it came out of a discussion about keeping male dancers, and why so few actually started in the first place...during which I speculated that it was because many men regard dancing as 'sissy'.
Well, the reasons my male friends don't start dancing include:

Intimidated by seeing us dance (to a muggle, pretty much any competent dancer looks intimidatingly good).
Came once or twice then lost interest as the women were more interested in dancing than breeding.
Dancing is "not my thing" (i.e. unmacho).
Can't make it because it clashes with another activity.
Dance phobia (though this is very rarely openly admitted).For me, dance phobia kept me away for years until I actually tried it. I was under duress - I needed to learn to dance for our wedding, and my wife (then fiancee) had been doing Ceroc for 8 or 9 years, so Modern Jive seemed like the obvious choice.

MartinHarper
30th-October-2005, 06:09 PM
Dancing is "not my thing" (i.e. unmacho)

I tend to take these comments at face value. After all, there are lots of activities that aren't my thing, and that doesn't mean I think that (eg) all-in wrestlers are wimps.

ChrisA
6th-November-2005, 06:56 PM
Dancing is "not my thing" (i.e. unmacho).
Dance phobia (though this is very rarely openly admitted).

I think I posted this link some time ago, but it's worth revisiting. I think it explains a great deal.

Why men won't dance (http://www.staff.ncl.ac.uk/nikolas.lloyd/evolve/menwont.html)

ducasi
6th-November-2005, 07:59 PM
There's a couple of interesting assertions in this document...

Men who are good dancers will have more affairs than men who are bad dancers. If this single prediction is well-supported, then this will form a strong pillar for my theory. Anything which improves a man’s chances of passing on genes, is likely to end up forming part of innate human nature.

Women will rate the likely future marital fidelity of men who dance well as lower than that of men who dance badly. One lady with whom I corresponded on this theory told me that her mother had forbidden her to marry a good dancer, because such a man would “be trouble”. The instincts of women are finely honed to be watchful of the straying attentions of men. If women rate good dancers as sexy, then they will also rate good dancers as more able to have affairs. Comments?

ChrisA
6th-November-2005, 10:37 PM
Comments?
Do you have any?

I only ask, because there's a lot more in that article than the assertion that "good dancers are likely to be serial shaggers", and it's strange that this is the only thing you selected from it as noteworthy.

RogerR
6th-November-2005, 11:05 PM
In my experience men take longer to learn to dance and to lead to a level that gives them (feedback) satisfaction, than women take to learn to follow. This typically means that if/when a couple arrive she can move off to dance with others well before he can comfortably go out and lead others. Therefore he feels deflated as his friend/partner has gone off and left him to struggle.

Add to that most women have done some kind of dance before even as school PE men have NOT. At my school girls were taught balroom dance boys were not?!?!

ducasi
6th-November-2005, 11:39 PM
Do you have any?

I only ask, because there's a lot more in that article than the assertion that "good dancers are likely to be serial shaggers", and it's strange that this is the only thing you selected from it as noteworthy. OK, my thoughts...

I didn't find that the author explained at all well why men don't dance.

I found it hard to believe that the tough teenage boy would decide that dancing is a sissy activity because boys that could dance better than him would appear more desirable to girls than he would.

The truth is that there's going to be lots of guys out there who are innately good dancers but still think that dancing is only for sissies.

I found most of the author's reasoning a bit stretched, building claim upon claim, reaching a rather shaky conclusion.

But I found the two claims that I quoted the most interesting as it's not something I'd have ever considered, and while believers in the "selfish gene" concept might think it only logical, it makes little sense to me.

Is this yet another reason for wanting or not wanting my dancing to improve?

So that's why I'm asking whether anybody agrees with these claims...

ChrisA
7th-November-2005, 09:52 AM
So that's why I'm asking whether anybody agrees with these claims...
Well I don't know enough to either agree with them or not. I think he builds an interesting case, and his comments about what goes on in nightclubs are completely accurate in my experience.

But it does seem that there's quite a strong correlation between people who are (or have been) into a martial art, and people who dance well.

And there's got to be some reason why so many blokes allege (who knows whether they really think it's so?) that dancing is sissy. Maybe they don't really think it's sissy, maybe they just wish they could do it, but don't know how to get good enough to be high enough in the pecking order for them to be able to feel good about themselves while doing it.

Clearly, at least to dancers, it's not at all sissy - we know that to do it well it needs strength, stamina, precise coordination, quick reflexes, and style. It's interesting that these are also the qualities of fighters, as Lloyd points out.

I don't know... the jury's out, I think.

I'd be interested in some comments from the ladies on this one.

David Bailey
7th-November-2005, 10:26 AM
I liked the article, it was interesting and informative.

However, I didn't find he made a particularly strong case - especially the "half of men who are below average will never dance, the slightly-better-than-average ones will be afraid to dance, etc.", I thought that argument was very shaky; if only because it assumes that men know how good or bad they are at dancing. It's like the old adage about driving - "90% of men think they're above-average drivers".

The "Partnered dance" section made some good points, I thought,

Oh, and there was an interesting prediction:
"Women will get the most pleasure from dancing (except perhaps when taking the contraceptive pill) when they are at the fertile peak of their menstrual cycle."
- are any of the female forumites brave enough to comment on this?

As for the "Men who are good dancers will have more affairs than men who are bad dancers.", frankly, that's massively woolly thinking, or at least very poorly-phrased in terms of defining a causal relationship. One could maybe argue that men who are good dancers may have more opportunity to stray, but you could make that argument about men who are (for example) "tall, dark and handsome"...

And the premise that women can usually coldly and rationally separate out sexual attraction from "finding a good husband" is laughable.


I found most of the author's reasoning a bit stretched, building claim upon claim, reaching a rather shaky conclusion.
:yeah:

Cruella
7th-November-2005, 11:15 AM
As for the "Men who are good dancers will have more affairs than men who are bad dancers.", frankly, that's massively woolly thinking, or at least very poorly-phrased in terms of defining a causal relationship. One could maybe argue that men who are good dancers may have more opportunity to stray, but you could make that argument about men who are (for example) "tall, dark and handsome"...


I think you are so right DJ, a good dancer is a 'turn on' for a lot of women. There are certain men on the MJ scene who are extremely great dancers, but not particularly lucky in the looks department, who seem to have gorgeous ladies on their arm regularly!

ducasi
7th-November-2005, 11:28 AM
But it does seem that there's quite a strong correlation between people who are (or have been) into a martial art, and people who dance well. Don't have time to comment on all your post, but on this bit...

Seems to me that most martial artists are trained into it. And most dancers are trained too.

Now while there may be some over-lap in the skill-set required, and so there might be an early advantage, I don't think beyond a certain level there is a particularly strong correlation.

One data point against this theory... A friend of mine who is a karate black-belt, and has been doing it for at least 8 years, is attending Salsa classes with me. He is having a really hard time. While I, with no martial arts training and only 8 months of Ceroc, am getting on quite well.

I think dance rather than martial arts training is more useful in becoming a good dancer.

Beowulf
11th-June-2006, 07:56 PM
I used to dance with my partner then we both stopped.. actually I was the one who stopped going while she continued as I didn't seem to be getting any better (at the time).

However, have recently split with her so I don't need any excuses to go out and dance.. am a free spirit now. Can boogie with impunity when the mood takes me ;)

Andreas
11th-June-2006, 10:58 PM
Came once or twice then lost interest as the women were more interested in dancing than breeding.
A few years back I read a research report that claimed that dancing to music on really likes is pretty much as good as sex because it sets free the same sort of hormons. Works for me, with my girlfriend so far away. But what does it then mean that I only go twice or thrice a week? :blush: But I can go all night. :rofl: And then I woke up.



Dance phobia (though this is very rarely openly admitted).
To me this was the reason why I actually started. I was so bored with the other sports I used to do at the time and wanted to pose myself with the biggest challenge I could think of at the time. I always liked music but hated to dance. There have been numerous girls back in the old days that I recklessly turned down because I just didn't like it.


As for my partner, well she does dance. It isn't my fault, honest! I actually never wanted to partner up with a dancer. :whistle: Now that I am 'plagued' with it, NICE! :D

pmjd
19th-June-2006, 01:57 PM
Intimidated by seeing us dance (to a muggle, pretty much any competent dancer looks intimidatingly good).
Came once or twice then lost interest as the women were more interested in dancing than breeding.
Dancing is "not my thing" (i.e. unmacho).
Can't make it because it clashes with another activity.
Dance phobia (though this is very rarely openly admitted).For me, dance phobia kept me away for years until I actually tried it. I was under duress - I needed to learn to dance for our wedding, and my wife (then fiancee) had been doing Ceroc for 8 or 9 years, so Modern Jive seemed like the obvious choice.

I've also find that this has applied to female friends who won't go or have gone and not felt like coming back (though I can't comment what they thought about breeding potential:what:).

Most of my friends know I dance but I think they are put off, even though mostly they have never seen me dance, because I've been going for a while and assume that there won't be other beginners there. Many are put off the idea by assuming that they won't be able to do it, two left feet etc...

Ducasi: in quite a few cases dancing and martial arts can be linked. Can't remember what it was called but on the BBC3 programme "Mind Body and Kick Ass Moves" one fighting system was taught as a dance, as any obvious martial arts were banned under the regime of the time, so it could be taught covertly. Also, Bruce Lee was at one time the Cha Cha champion of Hong Kong, apparently the balance and footwork he learnt dancing became part of his fighting style

Frankie_4711
19th-June-2006, 06:03 PM
Mine just can't see the attraction - says it's boring (:eek:) and doesn't see the point in it!! :confused:

Gadget
19th-June-2006, 06:51 PM
Ducasi: in quite a few cases dancing and martial arts can be linked. Can't remember what it was called but on the BBC3 programme "Mind Body and Kick Ass Moves" one fighting system was taught as a dance,...Capoeira. The two dudes doing opposing high, arcing, leg sweep kicks on the BBC's trailers are doing it. I wish I was flexable enough (and wasn't so lazy) to do it: looks very cool. :waycool:

ducasi
19th-June-2006, 07:10 PM
Capoeira. The two dudes doing opposing high, arcing, leg sweep kicks on the BBC's trailers are doing it. I wish I was flexable enough (and wasn't so lazy) to do it: looks very cool. :waycool:
Saw some guys doing that at a street party parade the other week. Impressive stuff.

Anyway, I don't doubt that martial artists learn many useful skills which are transferable to dancing. And probably even visa-versa, but, for example, musicality isn't a skill typically used much in, for example, karate.

Andreas
19th-June-2006, 08:33 PM
musicality isn't a skill typically used much in, for example, karate.
So in Scotland they don't teach you to break bricks at 176 bpm? That is slack :na:

pmjd
20th-June-2006, 12:10 AM
So in Scotland they don't teach you to break bricks at 176 bpm? That is slack :na:

Yeah they only teach us to do it at 156 bpm, way too slow to be useful on the dance floor;)