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Sparkles
30th-July-2004, 12:08 PM
Before I begin I want to say that this is a general comment and is in no way specific to anyone or any thread in particular. It is meant constructively and with a view to making the forum calmer and more amiable if and where this might be needed. It is in no way meant to be condescending or patronising. I am well aware that I am just a baby on this forum and I fully expect to be shot down in flames (although hopefully I won’t be), but having said all that, here goes:

I have become aware that people can and do take things posted on this, a public forum, personally and this troubles me. In the comments about this which follow please bear in mind that I say these things not knowing the personal relationships that may exist between forum members – but whether I know them or not should not really make a difference.

IMO everyone has a right to their own opinion and everyone also deserves the benefit of the doubt.

If someone posts something on a thread they are expressing an opinion for public debate and I believe it is best to take that opinion with the mindset that they are posting to be useful/constructive, i.e. with the best of intentions. Similarly once that post has been made any subsequent replies should be read with the mindset that the replier is trying to make useful/constructive comments on the opinions portrayed by the person who wrote the original post in a general sense – not as a comment on that person or that person’s situation in particular.
I believe it should be taken this way because this is a public forum. If comments are made by PM or by giving reputation, that is personal and should be taken as such. This, I believe, is one of the reasons why the forum provides different methods of communicating and expressing oneself (if I’m wrong please correct me Franck).

I have been trying to work out why people take comments made in the public domain personally and I think there are two major reasons (though please add more if I have missed things).
Firstly, on the forum you cannot see or hear the person posting (you may not even know who they are). This can lead to enormous amounts of misinterpretation. Typing a message in this way can be a very cold method of communicating; without the subtleties of body-language, tone of voice and knowledge of a person’s character through personal experience, comments can be so easily misread. This is why I think that the mindset that someone is only posting to be constructive is an important prerequisite to have before reading any posts.
The other is the ‘misuse’ of the word “you”. Because we do not use formal language when posing we often use the word “you” instead of “one”. We may mean the general “you” when writing, but it can easily be misread as the personal “you” when reading. This, I think is the likely cross-over point from understanding to misunderstanding, general to personal.
The only exception to this, I think, is when someone uses “IMO” or “IMHO” – as this is a clear indication that they are expressing a personal opinion, not a public one up for debate; and, IMO :) , replies to this type of comment should be kept to PMs away from public threads, especially if the comments are negative ones as the last thing any of us want is a bad atmosphere on the forum.

If all this has been blatantly obvious, I apologise – but because it has been playing on my mind I wanted to comment on it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
S. x

MartinHarper
30th-July-2004, 12:28 PM
I learnt elsewhere that it is important to Assume Good Faith (http://www.usemod.com/cgi-bin/mb.pl?AssumeGoodFaith) online. Still good advice.

Both speaker and listener share responsibility for good communication. Much like partner dance, in fact... :)

under par
30th-July-2004, 12:28 PM
I agree with your sentiment Sparkles. I tend not to get involved in the threads where all the HEAT is because the HEAT is all so personal mainly.

I use the forum to pick forumites brains on dance and dance bits firstly but I mainly want to have a laugh exchange views and get on with other forumites.

A fair exchange of views is a discusssion is what the forum should be used for.

Slating /flaming/etc any forumite for a view is unhealthy....by all means put a contrary view.... but it is the view that is important not who said it ...therefore it is the view that should be discussed not the personality/forumite who made it.

Peace and love to all in the FORUM and all who sail in her.

We dance for fun and enjoyment the forum should mirror that.. :flower:

Banana Man
30th-July-2004, 12:38 PM
IMO everyone has a right to their own opinion and everyone also deserves the benefit of the doubt.

If someone posts something on a thread they are expressing an opinion for public debate and I believe it is best to take that opinion with the mindset that they are posting to be useful/constructive, i.e. with the best of intentions. Similarly once that post has been made any subsequent replies should be read with the mindset that the replier is trying to make useful/constructive comments on the opinions portrayed by the person who wrote the original post in a general sense – not as a comment on that person or that person’s situation in particular.

:yeah: I agree, debate is good, and the more people that contribute the better. I think that threads can become too personal when people have opposing views, this can often shut out others who could view the thread as simply an argument and therefore not see any point in giving their opinion, which I think is a shame. Too much reaction, not enough listening. (IMHO) ;)


......comments can be so easily misread. This is why I think that the mindset that someone is only posting to be constructive is an important prerequisite to have before reading any posts.

Too right, or sometimes looking for reassurance or otherwise. On first reading some posts may seem provactive, guess it's the nature of a forum, so many things to read, not enough time, can create "open mouth insert foot" syndrome maybe?


......as the last thing any of us want is a bad atmosphere on the forum.

S. x

:yeah: :hug: Everyone round to the BB Treehouse for a group hug.

ChrisA
30th-July-2004, 12:43 PM
..snip..
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
S. x
I can't give you any more rep at the mo, or I would have done - thank you for taking the time to write it. :cheers:

I agree with you for the most part, and especially about the absence of body language/voice tone. This is why I think it's important for people not to speak (ie write) loosely or ambiguously, to use the available smileys to illustrate and clarify their own emotion, to cut people a little slack, and ask for clarification when what someone else means isn't immediately obvious.

Where I'd differ slightly perhaps, is in my perception of this place as more of a pub culture - a bunch of folk with a common interest hanging out, chatting, discussing all kinds of things, making social plans etc.

Trouble is, when you get a bunch of people together (especially a relatively passionate crowd like dancers) in a pub, there will inevitably be times when there's a bit more heat than light in the discussions.

I think this is something that goes with the territory - and indicates for the most part a healthy state of things. It means that people feel reasonably free and open, and it makes for a lively and active atmosphere. I'm the first to admit to going too far occasionally, but that's life... :blush:

If the culture here was such that it never got out of hand, and no one ever reacted to anything except impersonally, logically and calmly, (a) it wouldn't be as much like life :D and (b) it would probably be a lot more boring around here. Pub discussions can and do get quite lively; that's one of the reasons they can be fun.

I'm not making excuses for boorish behaviour, but I do think there's an element of the downside of the occasional friction being more than paid for by the upside of the relaxed, genuine, and lively place this forum tends to be.

And all credit to Franck and the other moderators for managing somehow to look after the place with such a light touch. :clap:

Chris

Andy McGregor
31st-July-2004, 12:46 PM
Great post Sparkles :worthy:

A woman's touch is always welcome, even in a virtual way :wink:


If the culture here was such that it never got out of hand, and no one ever reacted to anything except impersonally, logically and calmly,

Unless you're in a pub on the planet Vulcan, where you would all agree with each other's logic so much you'd end up sitting in silence and having the odd mind meld: that's if Vulcans were to have something so illogical as a place where you go to be refreshed by liquids you already have in the fridge at home - and would you have liquids in your Vulcan fridge that contained ingredients, like alcohol, that aren't required for nutrition :confused:

Off topic, moi? :innocent: