Sparkles
30th-July-2004, 12:08 PM
Before I begin I want to say that this is a general comment and is in no way specific to anyone or any thread in particular. It is meant constructively and with a view to making the forum calmer and more amiable if and where this might be needed. It is in no way meant to be condescending or patronising. I am well aware that I am just a baby on this forum and I fully expect to be shot down in flames (although hopefully I won’t be), but having said all that, here goes:
I have become aware that people can and do take things posted on this, a public forum, personally and this troubles me. In the comments about this which follow please bear in mind that I say these things not knowing the personal relationships that may exist between forum members – but whether I know them or not should not really make a difference.
IMO everyone has a right to their own opinion and everyone also deserves the benefit of the doubt.
If someone posts something on a thread they are expressing an opinion for public debate and I believe it is best to take that opinion with the mindset that they are posting to be useful/constructive, i.e. with the best of intentions. Similarly once that post has been made any subsequent replies should be read with the mindset that the replier is trying to make useful/constructive comments on the opinions portrayed by the person who wrote the original post in a general sense – not as a comment on that person or that person’s situation in particular.
I believe it should be taken this way because this is a public forum. If comments are made by PM or by giving reputation, that is personal and should be taken as such. This, I believe, is one of the reasons why the forum provides different methods of communicating and expressing oneself (if I’m wrong please correct me Franck).
I have been trying to work out why people take comments made in the public domain personally and I think there are two major reasons (though please add more if I have missed things).
Firstly, on the forum you cannot see or hear the person posting (you may not even know who they are). This can lead to enormous amounts of misinterpretation. Typing a message in this way can be a very cold method of communicating; without the subtleties of body-language, tone of voice and knowledge of a person’s character through personal experience, comments can be so easily misread. This is why I think that the mindset that someone is only posting to be constructive is an important prerequisite to have before reading any posts.
The other is the ‘misuse’ of the word “you”. Because we do not use formal language when posing we often use the word “you” instead of “one”. We may mean the general “you” when writing, but it can easily be misread as the personal “you” when reading. This, I think is the likely cross-over point from understanding to misunderstanding, general to personal.
The only exception to this, I think, is when someone uses “IMO” or “IMHO” – as this is a clear indication that they are expressing a personal opinion, not a public one up for debate; and, IMO :) , replies to this type of comment should be kept to PMs away from public threads, especially if the comments are negative ones as the last thing any of us want is a bad atmosphere on the forum.
If all this has been blatantly obvious, I apologise – but because it has been playing on my mind I wanted to comment on it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
S. x
I have become aware that people can and do take things posted on this, a public forum, personally and this troubles me. In the comments about this which follow please bear in mind that I say these things not knowing the personal relationships that may exist between forum members – but whether I know them or not should not really make a difference.
IMO everyone has a right to their own opinion and everyone also deserves the benefit of the doubt.
If someone posts something on a thread they are expressing an opinion for public debate and I believe it is best to take that opinion with the mindset that they are posting to be useful/constructive, i.e. with the best of intentions. Similarly once that post has been made any subsequent replies should be read with the mindset that the replier is trying to make useful/constructive comments on the opinions portrayed by the person who wrote the original post in a general sense – not as a comment on that person or that person’s situation in particular.
I believe it should be taken this way because this is a public forum. If comments are made by PM or by giving reputation, that is personal and should be taken as such. This, I believe, is one of the reasons why the forum provides different methods of communicating and expressing oneself (if I’m wrong please correct me Franck).
I have been trying to work out why people take comments made in the public domain personally and I think there are two major reasons (though please add more if I have missed things).
Firstly, on the forum you cannot see or hear the person posting (you may not even know who they are). This can lead to enormous amounts of misinterpretation. Typing a message in this way can be a very cold method of communicating; without the subtleties of body-language, tone of voice and knowledge of a person’s character through personal experience, comments can be so easily misread. This is why I think that the mindset that someone is only posting to be constructive is an important prerequisite to have before reading any posts.
The other is the ‘misuse’ of the word “you”. Because we do not use formal language when posing we often use the word “you” instead of “one”. We may mean the general “you” when writing, but it can easily be misread as the personal “you” when reading. This, I think is the likely cross-over point from understanding to misunderstanding, general to personal.
The only exception to this, I think, is when someone uses “IMO” or “IMHO” – as this is a clear indication that they are expressing a personal opinion, not a public one up for debate; and, IMO :) , replies to this type of comment should be kept to PMs away from public threads, especially if the comments are negative ones as the last thing any of us want is a bad atmosphere on the forum.
If all this has been blatantly obvious, I apologise – but because it has been playing on my mind I wanted to comment on it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
S. x