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Easter Bunny
5th-May-2004, 05:21 PM
Hi there forum girlies!

what does everyone think about dance refusals ? - It happened again to me on Sunday at Hammersmith.

You know when you finally get the courage to walk over and ask a possibly 'better dancer' than yourself to dance only to either get a strange (and sometimes) arrogant look back or worse - a no thank you, or some feeble excuse why he can't / won't have a dance with you. Then to rub salt into the wound - they often start to dance with another lady straight away.

I find it a puts a real dent in my enthusiasm and confidence.

PLEASE GENTLEMAN - the lady is only asking for a minimum 'track' of your time - she is not asking to have your babies - and you never know she may turn out to be a not half-bad dancer as well.

I don't want to knock hipsters, because I think it is a great place to dance and we often travel up on a Friday night for the freestyles, but some of the worse culprits for this attitude are there.

Please bear this in mind when you next turn a lady down, and if there is a genuine reason why you don't want to dance at the particular moment, make a point of trying to find her later for a quick spin on the floor.

Any views on this ladies ?

DavidB
5th-May-2004, 06:05 PM
I will admit I refused several dances on Sunday. I also know several other people who did - both men and ladies. Competitions are different - you are trying to conserve energy, or practice with your partner, or psyching yourself up, or protecting injuries, or trying to get some food, etc. I can't even watch for about 20 minutes before I compete - never mind dance.

To some extent you get this in the run up to a competition as well - particularly a handful of couples dancing far more often with each other, and far less with everyone else.

Hopefully things can get back to normal now. If I did refuse a dance with you, then just ask me the next time I see you.

David

under par
6th-May-2004, 10:15 AM
I'm still not used to being asked yet it is still such thrill I wouldn't dare turn anybody down.

long may it continue:cheers:

Lou
6th-May-2004, 10:23 AM
Don't let it ruin your enthusiasm, Lesley. As DavidB points out - there are many reasons why someone could turn down a dance - and, knowing how good you are, I'm sure it couldn't've been personal. :hug:

Either way - it was their loss, not yours! :wink:

under par
6th-May-2004, 10:50 AM
I would hope to think that there were very few refusals anyway!!!

Will
6th-May-2004, 10:59 AM
Like DavidB, I didn't freestyle with anyone on Sunday until after the competition was over. But everytime I refused a dance I did explain that I was not freestyling with anyone until the competition was over.

linda
6th-May-2004, 11:11 AM
Originally posted by Easter Bunny
Hi there forum girlies!
what does everyone think about dance refusals ? - It happened again to me on Sunday at Hammersmith.


Like David B I also refused some dances on Sunday
What made it worse was that I really wanted to dance with the guys who asked me:sad:
It is awful when you're refused a dance and then the guy gets up and dances with someone else.
I wasn't refused at Hipsters when I was down there but it did take me dancing with someone well known before some of the " better" dancers asked me to dance.
I was refused at dance at Windsor the night before the champs by a guy, but he gave me a reason and he didn't dance with anyone else and later I spent an interesting 15 mins chatting to him.
So for me the refusal isn't the problem it the manner of it that can be upsetting.
The lovely Rachel was recently up in Perth with the lovely Marc and she was refused a dance!!!!!!:what: The poor guy had only just started dancing and was in complete awe of Rachel so just couldn't get out of his seat!!!

Linda (the quiet one)

:cheers:

under par
6th-May-2004, 11:43 AM
competition days are exceptable days for refusal. BUT do not make a habit of it please!!!:blush:

Sheepman
6th-May-2004, 02:29 PM
As the Oracle says, competitions are different. During the day I didn't dance with anyone except my competition partners, and I had to explain this to 2 friends who asked between rounds. (Well there was 1/2 a dance with Mrs Sheepy, but I had to cut this short as my knees were suffering with that sticky floor.) I hope I will always offer a valid reason for any refusal.

All I can say Lesley, is that not dancing with you was his loss, not yours. Thank you for the lovely dances we had, sorry I was a bit crap for at least the last one of the night - it had been a long day . . .

Greg

Zebra Woman
6th-May-2004, 06:46 PM
I often ask men for a dance and can easily cope with a refusal especially if they look tired/ thirsty, or don't like the song.

BUT if they then hit the floor with someone else it cuts like a knife ( unless it's their partner of course).

Over the course of a year, I have been rejected 4 times on the trot by a couple of 'good' guys who gave pretty poor excuses, but I never gave up (tenacious moi???). Fairly recently when they did finally say yes , one wasn't as good as I'd thought. The other was very kind and even apologetic about his dancing. Which was stunningly good and well worth the wait and rejections.

So I say - keep asking but judiciously....if they look knackered or they're running away as the song starts it's not always a good sign. Better odds if they're loving the song and desperately scanning looking for someone to start dancing with. Obviously it's only microseconds before they're snapped up if they're popular.

My refusals...As I've said before it only takes one dance with a 'yanker' to ruin my shoulder for a fortnight or more, so I'm afraid I turn them down (and stay off the floor). I'm really sorry to have to admit that, but I have spent many hours in the bath in tears because I can't dance, shop, hoover, use a mouse etc. without pain. And when I return I'm fearful. I am eternally grateful to the teachers who are teaching true lead and follow. You know who you are. :worthy:

I bet no-one ever turns you down for a dance either :D

ChrisA
6th-May-2004, 06:58 PM
Originally posted by Zebra Woman
My refusals...As I've said before it only takes one dance with a 'yanker' to ruin my shoulder for a fortnight or more, so I'm afraid I turn them down (and stay off the floor). I'm really sorry to have to admit thatDon't be sorry to admit it. It's not an admission at all, in fact - it should be standard practice.

Remember the implicit deal:

If a guy asks you to dance...

... he doesn't stink
... he doesn't yank
... he doesn't perv

If he does, you are IMHO entitled to decline the dance with no shame or stigma whatsoever.

And if someone hurts you on the dance floor there is no shame or stigma in telling him so immediately. Any guy with a hint of decency will be sorry, and will do his best not to. It's the ones that think their yanking is your fault that need to be shunned for your own protection.

I have a persistent knee injury, and I'm finding that the more I dance with the smooth good followers, and the less with the powerful yankers and grippers (yep, there are plenty of lady yankers - though mostly their yanking has to be learned from yanker men, since very few beginner girls yank at all), the less pain I end up in.

I'm afraid 800 mg of ibuprofen every time I go dancing is too high a price to pay for being nice all the time.

Chris

Zebra Woman
6th-May-2004, 07:54 PM
Thanks for your support. I do worry that by saying no thanks I appear snobby, when I'm really just protecting myself. The first time you asked me to dance I think I looked worried and didn't look as pleased to be asked as I should have. I was very pleased afterwards though.. :worthy:

You are right, men and women alike deserve to be treated with respect and consideration. PYS (perv,yank, stink) is reason enough for a refusal (but not a vest...) :rofl: