Shy? Silly? Have a point?

[Indo]

Hi y'all.

Haven't been on this chat forum for a while (coming up to a couple of years now!).

Anyway, the reason that I have out of the scene for so long is that I have found a lovely girl outwith the area. I started dancing a few years back not just to have fun and socialise but also to see if their were any single ladies out there as well.

Now I've decided to try and get back into it because it's something I've always promised myself to do. The only difference is that now I'm a little bit inhibited asking girls for a dance because I'm not single anymore - before it was a case of the more girlies the better!!

I thought I was daft by thinking this but apparantly I've spoken to a couple of other guys in the same situation! Don't get me wrong I love the dancing bit but probably just need time to get used to this. Am I barmy by thinking this?????

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Indo
Am I barmy by thinking this????? Yes. It's only dancing. At the end of the day, you're just here for fun, friendship and exercise. If there's anything further than that, it's nothing to do with the dancing, and anyone who feels that way, would feel that way, no matter what they were doing.

Without wishing to be seen as being critical in any way, it's probably your mindset that needs to change. Ie, you are there for the above reasons, not just to meet (pick up) women.

Welcome back to both the forum, and to dancing though :)

Trampy

[Jayne]

Originally posted by Indo
Now I've decided to try and get back into it because it's something I've always promised myself to do. The only difference is that now I'm a little bit inhibited asking girls for a dance because I'm not single anymore - before it was a case of the more girlies the better!!


I am *so* trying not to climb onto my soap box....

..please tell me that I've read this (and what's between the lines) wrong.

J

[Gadget]

I think that it depends on if she is accompanying you; I know that if my wife was with me it would have a dampening effect on some of the moves I would normally do. (she dosn't dance :what: )
I don't think that it would change my dancing partners though: I dance with everyone and anyone - physical "beauty" is irrelative on the dance floor. {with a few exceptions :devil:}

I'm sure that Rachel raised some good (relative) points in a similar debate a while back, but I can't remember what the thread was.

Jayne: Just because you look out for and dance with lots of partners does not automatically put you into the slease cattegory. (or am I reading your mind wrong?) The motivation may have changed to go dancing, but the actual dancing it's self shouldn't change.

[Jayne]

Originally posted by TheTramp
it's probably your mindset that needs to change
You read it the same way as me...

J

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Jayne
..please tell me that I've read this (and what's between the lines) wrong.You've read this (and what's between the lines) wrong.

Anything to oblige!!

Trampy

[Jayne]

Originally posted by TheTramp
You've read this (and what's between the lines) wrong.

errrmm...

J

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Jayne
You read it the same way as me...Okie. So you didn't really. Cos else I'd be wrong too!!

Trampy

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Gadget
I think that it depends on if she is accompanying you; I know that if my wife was with me it would have a dampening effect on some of the moves I would normally do. (she dosn't dance :what: )To be honest (and maybe this is where I've been going wrong!!), I don't see why this would make a difference.

If you're going to do naughty things, then you're going to do naughty things. And you've probably got far more opportunity when she's not there watching you (and when you're not dancing), than doing a few blues (I can't call them UCP) moves on the dancefloor.

Trampy

[Gadget]

Originally posted by TheTramp
To be honest (and maybe this is where I've been going wrong!!), I don't see why this would make a difference.
It's not what I am doing, it's what she would perceve me doing that's the difference: She dosn't dance - how can she understand the 'feel' of the music and the three minuite romance on the floor? It is not worth the hastle and greif of subjecting her {and her imagination} to displays of that nature.

If she danced, then not a problem - it would not alter my dancing in the slightest. Perhaps all of your 'partners' :whistle: have danced / do dance.

[Jooles]

Am I being dim?

What possible difference does it make whether you are single or not.

[Indo]

Thanks Trampy

Think I've started something here, it's nothing to do with being 'naughty'etc. I've just being feeling uncomfortable since I've went back, which actually surprised me!

You're probably correct about changing the mind-set, these things only take a matter of time to adjust. To me people probably go to Ceroc for a different variety of reasons, as long as they know where the line is drawn I deem them all to be acceptable.

Jayne

If I've done something wrong for you to climb up on that soapbox of yours please tell. As Trampy said people go to Ceroc for exercise, socialising, fun etc. I though this is what I was doing all along?? Failed to notice a 'no flirting' clause when I buy my ticket at the door!

P.S Maybe easier to write the actual lines written than to look inbetween them??

[bigdjiver]

Originally posted by Indo
Hi y'all.

Haven't been on this chat forum for a while (coming up to a couple of years now!).

Anyway, the reason that I have out of the scene for so long is that I have found a lovely girl outwith the area. I started dancing a few years back not just to have fun and socialise but also to see if their were any single ladies out there as well.

Now I've decided to try and get back into it because it's something I've always promised myself to do. The only difference is that now I'm a little bit inhibited asking girls for a dance because I'm not single anymore - before it was a case of the more girlies the better!!

I thought I was daft by thinking this but apparantly I've spoken to a couple of other guys in the same situation! Don't get me wrong I love the dancing bit but probably just need time to get used to this. Am I barmy by thinking this?????
If you are just there for the dancing, many attached folk have a one/two dance per partner per week rule.

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Gadget
It's not what I am doing, it's what she would perceve me doing that's the difference: She dosn't dance - how can she understand the 'feel' of the music and the three minuite romance on the floor? It is not worth the hastle and greif of subjecting her {and her imagination} to displays of that nature.
Okie. Fair point. Guess you need to get her dancing then!! :D

Trampy

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Gadget
It's not what I am doing, it's what she would perceve me doing that's the difference:
I sooooooooo don't get this... :confused:

So you presumably haven't told her that you dance UCP moves with people, and if she saw you she'd think you were trying to get off with someone, despite your protestations to the contrary...

... and if she was there it would cramp your style.

Blimey.....


:really: minefield alert :really:
:really: minefield alert :really:
:really: minefield alert :really:



What sort of dancing does she think you're doing, then? Morris????


:devil: :devil:

[Gadget]

Originally posted by ChrisA
:really: minefield alert :really:
:really: minefield alert :really:
:D Why do you think I'm quite happy to go dancing on my ownsome? She would spoil all my fun :devil:

I've actually been asked a few times where my wife was... "the one I saw you dancing with last week..." :devil: :blush: :innocent:

[DavidB]

I've lost count of the number of times I've explained a typical Modern Jive night, and it is dancing with so many different partners that I have to explain most. The usual comment is "No way I would let some other man/woman dance with my partner!" For most people who don't dance, or equate dancing with nightclubs, then 'asking someone to dance' usually means you are hoping for far more than just a dance.

The easiest solution would be to get your partner to start dancing. Even if she doesn't take it up, then she will hopefully see that it is harmless fun. If you know another couple who dance, then go with them. Hearing an explanation from one person can sound like an excuse. Hearing it from several people makes it sound more valid.

David

[Bardsey]

Originally posted by DavidB
I've lost count of the number of times I've explained a typical Modern Jive night, and it is dancing with so many different partners that I have to explain most.

The easiest solution would be to get your partner to start dancing. Even if she doesn't take it up, then she will hopefully see that it is harmless fun. If you know another couple who dance, then go with them. Hearing an explanation from one person can sound like an excuse. Hearing it from several people makes it sound more valid.

David

Spoken like a true Yorkshireman David, succinct and to the point!:clap:

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Yes. It's only dancing. At the end of the day, you're just here for fun, friendship and exercise.
Originally posted by DavidB
Even if she doesn't take it up, then she will hopefully see that it is harmless fun.Fun?
.......... absolutely.

Harmless?
.......... certainly should be.

Boundaried and respectful?
.......... well I am :devil:

But if it wasn't for the dancers of the opposite sex, I would get my fun, friendship and exercise elsewhere. Am I alone in this? I doubt it somehow...

So let's not be too superficial in our analysis.

Chris

[foxylady]

Originally posted by Indo


Failed to notice a 'no flirting' clause when I buy my ticket at the door!



'no flirting' !! If I didn't flirt I might as well put on my slippers, and take up knitting. Sheesh ! :what: :what:

(I have a partner - who doesn't dance -, and I'll flirt with anyone as long as they are not sleazy no matter what their 'relationship' status... I find it completely incomprehensible when people change their behaviour when their partner is watching. The only explanation can be that they have something other than good clean fun in mind... )_

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by foxylady
I'll flirt with anyone as long as they are not sleazy
I defy you to flirt with FLM.

Eh, Pamster?

Chris :rofl:

[foxylady]

Originally posted by ChrisA
I defy you to flirt with FLM.

Eh, Pamster?

Chris :rofl:

Now who is FLM ??

(this will be getting too cliquey soon)

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by foxylady
Now who is FLM ??

(this will be getting too cliquey soon)
Sorry, Face Lift Man.

Any connection between the name, and an individual I probably imagined, but referred to hypothetically as wearing super-shimmery see-thru skin-tight tops and skin-tight, lunch-(actually little snack)-box-displaying silvery drainpipes three inches too short, who, even to my untutored intermediate eyes dances like a baboon yet thinks he's really sexy...

... is pure coincidence, allegedly.

Chris


PS Oh yes, and was heard, again allegedly, to say to a beginner last week, "Maybe it would be better if you tried to follow".

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by ChrisA
lunch-(actually little snack)-boxOoooh.... Catty!!

This from the man who objected to comments about the size of Debi's assets!! :D

Trampy

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Ooooh.... Catty!!

This from the man who objected to comments about the size of Debi's assets!! :D

I mentioned no names :innocent:

Anyway, he might be alleged to be a complete ****, and he freaks people out (allegedly), so it's different.

Chris

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by ChrisA
I mentioned no names :innocent: True. But a full on description is probably a hell of a lot easier to use to find someone at a dance than just a name!

Why's it different?? Do unto others and all that. Two wrongs don't make a right.....

Trampy

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by TheTramp
True. But a full on description is probably a hell of a lot easier to use to find someone at a dance than just a name!

Oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :tears:

I suppose it might be so construed.

:whistle:

[Mary]

I hope I'm not out of order in relating this little story (I am SUCH a gossip!).

Very recently my other half was sitting out and he was joined by a lady who seemed to be a beginner. She started asking him all sorts of questions until it became clear the he was 'spoken for' and pointed me out (I was dancing at the time). Firstly, she was surprised that we danced with OTHER PEOPLE (shock, horror) and that this was the norm. Secondly, having ascertained that he is not exactly single she stated that there was not much point in talking to him further!!! To start with he was feeling quite chuffed at being chatted up until he noticed that she then started to work her way around the room doing the same to other guys. I tried to console him by saying that at least she tried him first - and then worked her way down :wink:

I'm sure that once this lady realises that it's not a singles club, and gets out there dancing rather than looking to 'meet' someone she will really start to enjoy herself.

Anyway, back to the subject. Indo, I think you know in your own mind that you are out of practise, and that the more you get 'stuck in' (to dancing of course) you'll forget what is was you were worried about.

M

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by TheTramp
True. But a full on description is probably a hell of a lot easier to use to find someone at a dance than just a name!

Anyway, it wasn't a full-on description... I was exaggerating slightly for artistic effect.

His drainpipes were probably only two inches too short... :devil:

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Anyway, it wasn't a full-on description... I was exaggerating slightly for artistic effect.

His drainpipes were probably only two inches too short... :devil: Picky!!

Trampy

[Dreadful Scathe]

Originally posted by DavidB
I've lost count of the number of times I've explained a typical Modern Jive night, and it is dancing with so many different partners that I have to explain most. The usual comment is "No way I would let some other man/woman dance with my partner!" For most people who don't dance, or equate dancing with nightclubs, then 'asking someone to dance' usually means you are hoping for far more than just a dance.


Hit the nail on the head there! Non-dancers tend to equate dancing with 'chatting up' or more correctly 'inappropriate closeness'....once they dance themselves they probably won't have that problem - unless they're particularly prudish by nature.

I imagine there are people out there who have read far too much meaning into UCP moves and possibly (if they like the person) even been hurt to find the partner is happily in a relationship or (if they didnt like them) the opposite and assumed their partner was a sleaze! Everyone is different, except for the people who are the same :na:

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
Everyone is different, except for the people who are the same :na: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Trampy

[Dreadful Scathe]

Originally posted by ChrisA
eyes dances like a baboon yet thinks he's really sexy...


whats wrong with dancing like a baboon ?

thought i was unique too :D

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Picky!!
Taking a moment out from my pre-comp manic state (had anyone noticed??? :innocent: ) to be serious (just for a moment or two)...

Does the Scottish dance scene have its own set of weirdoes? Or do they all live in London?

:tears:

[Bill]

Originally posted by ChrisA

Does the Scottish dance scene have its own set of weirdoes? Or do they all live in London?

:tears:

Simple answer.............. we don't have any weirdos in Scotland ... and if we do they're not 'real' Scots.

:D :na:

We are all sensible and unweird people...............can't you tell that :na: :what:

[Mary]

I have to admit my heart does not want to burst with joy at the prospect of being asked to dance by FLM (chris, you do like your acronyms don't you?), but, to be fair, I can think of a lot worse danc....I mean yankers! At least I don't feel wrenched about after dancing with him - a little queesy maybe:sick:

ChrisA your description is soooooo accurate :rofl:

M

[Bill]

Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
Everyone is different, except for the people who are the same :na:

so they are...............glad I'm one of them :whistle: :rolleyes:

[foxylady]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Sorry, Face Lift Man.

Any connection between the name, and an individual I probably imagined, but referred to hypothetically as wearing super-shimmery see-thru skin-tight tops and skin-tight, lunch-(actually little snack)-box-displaying silvery drainpipes three inches too short, who, even to my untutored intermediate eyes dances like a baboon yet thinks he's really sexy...

... is pure coincidence, allegedly.

Chris


PS Oh yes, and was heard, again allegedly, to say to a beginner last week, "Maybe it would be better if you tried to follow".

Ah I know who you mean !! Don't you feel just a little bit sorry for him..
...and he's a bit frightened of me, so wouldn't dance with me anyway...

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Bill
Simple answer.............. we don't have any weirdos in Scotland ... and if we do they're not 'real' Scots.

:D :na:

We are all sensible and unweird people...............can't you tell that :na: :what:
Ah yes. I can see the advantages of inbreeding now... :devil:

Now why is it that I have this sneaking intuition that the day before travelling to Blackpool might not be the verrrrry best time to say something like that.... :confused:

Nope... can't think why.... :flower: :worthy:

[Jayne]

Originally posted by foxylady
...and he's a bit frightened of me, so wouldn't dance with me anyway...
How did you manage that?

J :wink:

[Bill]

Originally posted by foxylady
'no flirting' !! If I didn't flirt I might as well put on my slippers, and take up knitting. Sheesh ! :what: :what:

(I have a partner - who doesn't dance -, and I'll flirt with anyone as long as they are not sleazy no matter what their 'relationship' status... I find it completely incomprehensible when people change their behaviour when their partner is watching. The only explanation can be that they have something other than good clean fun in mind... )_



Agree completely................................ and can we have a dance soon please ................ :whistle:

As someone who enjoys UCP style dancing I agree with the view that it's all fun and harmless flirting but there are a few who spoil this ( as has been mentioned elsewhere).

Fran knows how I dance and it doesn't bother her because she knows it's just fun. In fact we're generally both dancing so much that we don't get much chance to watch each other anyway.

[Bill]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Ah yes. I can see the advantages of inbreeding now... :devil:



sorry we're leaving all the sheep behind :rolleyes: :blush:

[Bill]

Originally posted by ChrisA
I have this sneaking intuition


hate to be a pedant ( :rolleyes: ) but can someone have a sneaking intuition........isn't it 'my intuition tells me' .... but maybe it can sneak up on you.......................... :D

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Bill
sorry we're leaving all the sheep behind :rolleyes: :blush:
Don't worry, us southerners are bringing one with us....

So you should be Ok...

:rolleyes:

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Bill
hate to be a pedant ( :rolleyes: ) but can someone have a sneaking intuition........isn't it 'my intuition tells me' .... but maybe it can sneak up on you.......................... :D Maybe it's an intuition that goes creeping around. Sneaking up to old ladies and saying 'Boo' really loudly. That sort of intuition.

Where are my tablets?? :tears:

Trampy

[foxylady]

Originally posted by Jayne
How did you manage that?

J :wink:


I probably pointed out whilst dancing that he was leading a move wrong... its amazing how many men won't dance with you after you've done that .. :wink:

Well it works for me !:devil:

[Jayne]

Originally posted by Indo
Jayne

If I've done something wrong for you to climb up on that soapbox of yours please tell.
PM sent

J

[Chicklet]

Originally posted by Indo

Now I've decided to try and get back into it because it's something I've always promised myself to do. The only difference is that now I'm a little bit inhibited asking girls for a dance because I'm not single anymore - before it was a case of the more girlies the better!!

Back on thread (:eek: ) a bit, I read this and feel compelled to leap from "inhibited" to "scared".

Are you inhibited because you are scared of doing something "wrong"? If so, can you pinpoint what it is and with the help of the friendly forum, convice yourself either that it's not wrong or that you wouldn't do it, whatever "it " is??

C:D
(Well IIII know what I mean!!!!)