Forum Limericks

[ChrisA]

There once was a fellow from Mensa
Who made the whole forum much tenser
It drove us all mad,
It was really quite sad...
But the truth is he's really much denser.

:waycool:

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
Lets try and get the Thread Removed thread removed :D Well I've had such nice compliments about my poetry-writing skills, and Franck was so quick to delete my efforts, I could always try writing some more :devil:

Chris

[Sheepman]

Yes please!

Greg

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Sheepman
Yes please!

Well if you insist...

:devil: :devil:

There was an old rocker called Andy
When dancing looked ever so dandy
The shirts were so bright
The knickers so tight
But the legs were just awful, cos bandy.

:devil: :devil:

[Bardsey]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Well if you insist...

:devil: :devil:

There was an old rocker called Andy
When dancing looked ever so dandy
The shirts were so bright
The knickers so tight
But the legs were just awful, cos bandy.

:devil: :devil:

:rofl: :rofl: :clap:

[TheTramp]

There was a young man called ChrisA
Who went dancing a lot, every day
The pervs were his hate
Andy M was his mate
He's a taxi, he'll show you the way

Okie. I know it's crap!

There once was a sheep type of man
Dancing? He bloody well can
He likes wearing hats
(I've not seen him in spats)
As for me, let's say I'm his fan

They get worse!!

There once was a fat ugly tramp
To clear him, you'd need a ramp
Some say he's a sinner
And just a beginner
On the forum, he'd every day camp

Okie. I'm going to give up now!! :whistle:

Steve

[Lory]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Okie. I'm going to give up now!! :whistle:

Steve
:yeah: :clap:

[TheTramp]

Sorry. Didn't give up... Just for you Lory! :flower:

There once was a great girl called Lor
A total babe on the dance floor
With come to bed eyes
And sweet sexy thighs
Every male response was 'COR'

Steve

[TheTramp]

These aren't Haikus btw.

They are Limericks.

Steve

[CJ]

There once was a fat ugly tramp,
anyone's style he could cramp.
Not saying he's bent
But a big row of tents
tells us all how much he is camp!!

Ta daaa.:blush:

[Franck]

Originally posted by TheTramp
These aren't Haikus btw.

They are Limericks. Whoops, my bad... :nice: Now changed back and added the original limerick too :wink:

[TheTramp]

Okie. So you changed the title.

A haiku is a form of traditional Japanese poetry. It consists of 3 lines, of 5, then 7, then 5 syllables (there are lots of other rules on writing Haiku, but I'm sure you don't want to read them).

I'm not very good at them (or any other form of writing), but, an example would be...

Here I am today
Writing posts on the forum
Mostly boring ones.

Steve

[ChrisA]

Greg is a guy you’ll see around
We all know him as Sheepy
At musicality he’s pretty good
And the scourge of all things creepy

:cheers:

With partners twain he looks Ok
The watchers all entranced
The git, he’s entering Blackpool,
Intermediates and advanced

:rolleyes:

On the comp floor in his hat and coat
His dress sense equals Pammy’s
But oh my god on social nights
Sheep T-shirts and those jammies.

:tears:

So on reflection it’s Ok still
My hand I’ll not yet fold
I’ll work really hard for a long time yet;
It’s years before I’m that old.

:clap:

[Pammy]

Originally posted by ChrisA
His dress sense equals Pammy’s

Hey Hey Hey :what: I'll have you know I'm allergic to wool! :wink:

[Lory]

There once was a Teacher called Mikey
Who's hair I have cut really spikey
Now he's growing it long
to tie back with a thong???
shh don't tell but I not really likey!:sick:



:blush: peace offering:flower:

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Lory
to tie back with a thong???

Whose thong would that be, then?

[Lory]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Whose thong would that be, then?

Not mine! :rofl:

[CJ]

There was a dance teacher called Franck
Whose body resembled a tank
After all he could eat
himself he would beat
then take himself out for a w....




WALK!!!!!!!!!!!!! :whistle:

[TheTramp]

There once was a DJ named Bob
Who found himself out of a job
For insulting his boss
Who's response was the loss
Of that offending DJ called Bob

Steve

[Lory]

There once was a girl called Rachel
who's big baggy knickers were hell
her boyfriend called Mark
kept his head in the dark
So Now she wears none:really: I can tell:wink:

[Aleks]

Originally posted by Lory
There once was a girl called Rachel
who's big baggy knickers were hell
her boyfriend called Mark
kept his head in the dark
So Now she wears none:really: I can tell:wink:

Good for her!:clap: :clap:

[CJ]

Do what you want with your limericks,
I'll tell you a tale about stones and sticks.
They make break a bone,
but my skills I shall hone.
I'm a songwriter doing it just for kicks.

[Dreadful Scathe]

There was a young lady called CJ
who fancied himself as a DJ
he'd play kylie and co.
the dance floor would grow
but the last song is always a replay



...did you see what i did there :)

er......heres one wot i wrote..


This dancer has a special skill
a leap, a lunge, a lovely twirl
when leading for that special song
they hope that they can do no wrong

the partner follows with growing joy
a picture face of sheer delight
the lower tempo, it was a ploy
the partners face looks up in fright

faster faster the tempo rises
dancing circles increase their sizes
the partner follows with trepidation
which plateaus out to true elation

upon the climax they stop, well spent
a musical freeze that was heaven sent
the crowds around cheer and shout
that was almost something to write home about




er..dodgy...
and, no..it is certainly not about MY dancing :D

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by ChrisA
. . .
It’s years before I’m that old.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
You realise it doesn't scan or rhyme don't you??
And now you're not getting that "don't write a poem" fee, but Trampy gets his fee, I think I'm in love :drool:

Greg

[CJ]

5.9
5.9
6.0
5.9
3.2 (what can I say?? Was the Russian judge!!)

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Sheepman
And now you're not getting that "don't write a poem" fee, but Trampy gets his fee, I think I'm in love :drool: Awww :flower:

Steve

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Sheepman
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
You realise it doesn't scan or rhyme don't you??

You have to read it carefully to make it scan, but what part of Sheepy/creepy, entranced/advanced, fold/old are you suggesting doesn't rhyme????

Old and deaf, I reckon. :devil:

[Lory]

There once was an old perv called Lurch
At hipsters is where he did perch:sick:
until Mr sheepy
Told old Mr Creepy
Lay off, or I'll give you the birch :angry:

:clap:

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Lory
There once was an old perv called Lurch
At hipsters is where he did perch:sick:
until Mr sheepy
Told old Mr Creepy
Lay off, or I'll give you the birch :angry: :cheers: :cheers: :clap: :hug:

[Divissima]

There once was a young man from Wembley
who'd attend any dancing assembly.
The ladies cried - "Will -
please give us a thrill
by making our knees go all trembly!"

-----------------
I thank you
:blush:

[ChrisA]

Certain dancers quite expert at wiggling
Have been known to subdue with their wriggling
Now immune to their charms
I need sound no alarms
Because now it just makes me start giggling

:flower:

[ChrisA]

:waycool:

Accusing our Nigel of mincing
Is not really all that convincing
With that hat on he’s sure
To get round the whole floor
With them all queuing up for his grincing

:waycool:

[Divissima]

There once was a young 'ster of cool
Who danced like a music-crazed fool
All sleaze he abhored
But wiggling adored
and danced all the way to Blackpool.


Not one of my better efforts, sorry :blush:

[Stuart M]

I know some MAd girls from Dundee
who're quite willing to jive, you should see.
They may not be drinkers,
but they'll show you their knickers,
if you're Franck, and it's your birthdee!

[Stuart M]

There once was a smurf called D Smurf
who smurfed quite a lot in the smurf
he smurfed at the smurf
and smurf smurfy smurf
smurf smurfy smurf smurfy smurf smurf...

[TheTramp]

Hmmm.

Don't give up the day job just yet Stuart :D

Steve

[bobgadjet]

A Forum Tramp named Steve
Plays tunes to enjoy, we believe
He'll have us all know
That Mavericks won't show
On a playlist from his PC
:cool:

A Minnie from Brighton, we hear
Is always full of good cheer
She'll soon get a card
To make travel less hard
And certainly a lot less dear
:hug:

Ashtons Blonde bomshell named Lory
Could well be a barmaid from Corrie
On reading this cr*p
Will dish out a slap
So now is the time I'll say Sorry
:flower:

Maybe more soon, if I survive :blush:

[ChrisA]

A certain young dancer called Jayne
Had been up in Glasgow to train
Then southwards she came
In search of more fame
And Scotland’s loss was England’s gain

:cheers:

[Jayne]

Originally posted by ChrisA
A certain young dancer called Jayne
Had been up in Glasgow to train
Then southwards she came
In search of more fame
And Scotland’s loss was England’s gain

Woo hoo! A limerick with "Jayne" but not one reference to rain or pain! Well done that man! :flower:

J :waycool:

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by ChrisA
A certain young dancer called Jayne
Had been up in Glasgow to train
Then southwards she came
In search of more fame
And Scotland’s loss was England’s gain I refer the honourable gentleman to the picture, in the 4th post down, on this page...

http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2216&perpage=10&pagenumber=4

:D

Steve

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Jayne
Woo hoo! A limerick with "Jayne" but not one reference to rain or pain! Well done that man! :flower:
There once was a young Dr. Jayne
Who left Scotland and went down the drain
She met old ChrisA
Who was soon heard to say
Please darling will you have my bairn

See. It's easy!! :whistle:

(With just a hint of poetical licence)

Steve

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by TheTramp
I refer the honourable gentleman to the picture, in the 4th post down, on this page...

We call this, "sour grapes".

:waycool:

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by TheTramp
See. It's easy!! :whistle:

Right. Gloves off. I was trying to be kind to the beloved Scottish contingent...

A certain young dancer called Jayne
Had been up in Glasgow to train
Then southwards she came
Cos the dancing was tame
Not just that but the Tramp had no brain

:devil: :devil:

[CJ]

I really have something to say,
And it involves our own Chris A
He might be a champ
at picking on Tramp
But writes limericks like a sissy.

England 1 Wales 1.

:cheers:

[Jayne]

Originally posted by TheTramp
There once was a young Dr. Jayne
Who left Scotland and went down the drain
She met old ChrisA
Who was soon heard to say
Please darling will you have my bairn

:chokes on cup of tea:

Trampy! No dances for you next time I see you! *humph*

J :really:

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Ceroc Jock
I really have something to say,
And it involves our own Chris A
He might be a champ
at picking on Tramp
But writes limericks like a sissy.


It’s really and truly appalling
How CJ gives rhyme such a mauling
Such verse is a curse
Only StuartM is worse
So right now he should rethink his calling

:waycool:

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Jayne
:chokes on cup of tea:

Trampy! No dances for you next time I see you! *humph*Awwww :tears:

Not even just the one?

Steve

[Jayne]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Awwww :tears:

Not even just the one?

Persuade me, Trampy!

J :devil:

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by ChrisA
It’s really and truly appalling
How CJ gives rhyme such a mauling
Such verse is a curse
Only StuartM is worse
So right now he should rethink his calling
You really must hand it to Chris
His talent is not hit and miss
At rhymes he's the best
Too good for the rest
What me, I'd not take the p1ss

:whistle:

Steve

[bobgadjet]

I'd like to get in on the game
But don't know this lady named Jayne
Or maybe I do
But being so new
And not knowing from whence she came
:flower:

A few of you I've met for sure
At a venue with a good dancefloor
But other have yet
By me to be met
Looking forward to this pleasurable chore
:cheers:

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Jayne
Persuade me, Trampy!
That Jayne, what a sexy young Miss
Too good for a dancer called Chris
For her we would clap
Our Saltrines we would flap
At him we would just boo and hiss

Does that do it for me??

Steve

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by TheTramp
You really must hand it to Chris
His talent is not hit and miss
At rhymes he's the best
Too good for the rest
What me, I'd not take the p1ss
:cheers:

Now this I just cannot believe
A compliment from that chap Steve
It’s truly terrific
From one so prolific
From the floor I must myself retrieve

:flower: :flower:

[Jayne]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Does that do it for me??
Well you did rather well on the "being nice to Jayne" scale.

However, you also scored rather highly on the "slagging off Jayne's dance partner" scale.

At the moment you've earnt about half a track... :wink:

J :nice:

[TheTramp]

You mean I've got to be nice to you both??

Damn. I might blow a valve at this one...

As a team they're up there with the best
It simply isn't a test
I'm their number one fan
Jayne with Chris the man
So sit down and enjoy this dance fest

See, the pain I have to endure for my art!

Steve

[TheTramp]

And please, no-one mention artistic integrity!! :tears:

Steve

[Jayne]

Two dances Trampy!

J :clap:

[Franck]

Originally posted by TheTramp
As a team they're up there with the best
It simply isn't a test
I'm their number one fan
Jayne with Chris the man
So sit down and enjoy this dance fest The trick to compete in Blackpool
First and foremost, keep your cool
but if you're to win
make sure when you spin
you don't trip up on your drool

[TheTramp]

Oh, and I found this emote, that's just for you, if you can get Franck to add it... :D

Steve

:blindfold:

[Divissima]

Originally posted by the mighty Franck:
but if you're to win
make sure when you spin
you don't trip up on your droolSurely the best advice any competitor could receive! :innocent: :wink:

[Dreadful Scathe]

Originally posted by Stuart M
There once was a smurf called D Smurf
who smurfed quite a lot in the smurf
he smurfed at the smurf
and smurf smurfy smurf
smurf smurfy smurf smurfy smurf smurf...

you are some kind of genius you know that :)

:rofl:

[Rachel]

Originally posted by Lory
There once was a girl called Rachel
who's big baggy knickers were hell
her boyfriend called Mark
kept his head in the dark
So Now she wears none:really: I can tell:wink: Lory - that is sooo funny!!!
R x

[Gadget]

There was a thread called "limerick"
which started by taking the mick,
the rhymes got so bad,
and the subjects so mad,
that the posters will soon need a prosthetic

I only noticed this thread
when it was time for my bed,
so I could be asleep
and dreaming of sheep
when I'm up reading this instead!

There is a dance called Ceroc,
that some folks have said is a crock,
but it makes us feel good,
and lightens our mood,
So to them Isay what a load of "Ballcock".

There is a dance called Ceroc,
where all the moves are ad-hoc,
you lead the lady in time,
with a dance so sublime
that they end up in a state of shock

There once was a dance called "Ceroc",
Where everyone, to dance, would flock,
Now it's known as "Modern Jive",
It will continue to thrive.
(although everyone still calls it Ceroc."

I wish the right partner for a song,
every time I select one it's wrong!
I still have a good dance,
but it's all up to chance,
Untill then I'll just string them allong.

I love to be caught up in music and dance,
(or as some say to wiggle and prance,)
When the music stops,
and I have danced off my socks,
I praise the heavens that I had the chance.

:sorry:

[Stuart M]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Hmmm.

Don't give up the day job just yet Stuart :D

Steve

Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
you are some kind of genius you know that :)

:rofl:
Ooer - kind of varying reviews there...you two looking to start a fight? I'll let Tramp off cos' my second effort only scans in a smurf accent.

Besides, I don't think anyone living in Dundee should go around criticising poetry - given the city's most "celebrated" bard (http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/) :rolleyes: :grin:

[Dance Demon]

they say that ChisA is a man
Whose limericks don't always scan
Chris my old son
your poems are too long
But keep on trying to get as many words into the last line as you possibly can................:D

[Minnie M]

Originally posted by bobgadjet
A Minnie from Brighton, we hear
Is always full of good cheer
She'll soon get a card
To make travel less hard
.............



Hove actually :wink:

(got to reply now - hmmm.... at my age it may take a while :confused: )

[bobgadjet]

Originally posted by Minnie M
Hove actually :wink:
(got to reply now - hmmm.... at my age it may take a while :confused: )
Oh dear, I'm not right, now I see :blush:
About the abode of Minnie:kiss:
Corrected in one:rolleyes:
By our cuddly chum:hug:
Who resides in Hove, actually:wink:
:flower:

[Tiggerbabe]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Right. Gloves off. I was trying to be kind to the beloved Scottish contingent...

A certain young dancer called Jayne
Had been up in Glasgow to train
Then southwards she came
Cos the dancing was tame
Not just that but the Tramp had no brain

:devil: :devil:
Pah!

Some people, they think they're so hip
They post nonesense, that gives us the pip
"That" thread is a pain
Of our lives - it's the bane
So guys, could you all get a grip!

[Mikey]

There once was a DJ called Bob
Who was silly to open his gob
When likening Lory
to a barmaid from Corrie
took a risk with his life and his knob! :whistle:

[DangerousCurves]

A Teacher who taught us to "sin"
Announced from the stage, with a grin:
"If you come to my class
Soon you'll wiggle your ass,
And the whole world will know where you've bin!"

I'm sooo dead and can never come home again.....:sick:

[Minnie M]

There once was a line dancer from Herts
Who cut up his Avatar in parts
He decided to swing
Cors was his thing
Then went from MJ to DJ

(sorry couldn't think of another line that rhymes) - any suggestions ?

[Lory]

Originally posted by Minnie M
There once was a line dancer from Herts
Who cut up his Avatar in parts
He decided to swing
Cors was his thing
Then went from MJ to DJ

(sorry couldn't think of another line that rhymes) - any suggestions ?
Yes but it stinks! :rofl:

[DangerousCurves]

A talented lass called Lorraine
Tried to tame Mikey's barnet in vain,
She gave up on the rest
simply strimmed round his chest
And I wont let him go there again!

...might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb....:blush:

[Lory]

Originally posted by DangerousCurves
A talented lass called Lorraine
Tried to tame Mikey's barnet in vain,
She gave up on the rest
simply strimmed round his chest
And I wont let him go there again!

...might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb....:blush: :rofl: :rofl:

[Lory]

Dangerous Curves true name is Di
A housmate of Mikey's no lie
If HER chest were hairy
now THAT would be scary
I'd need more than a strimmer.OH MY!:wink::whistle:

[bobgadjet]

Avatars are fun but I find
My pics are as big as my behind
Lovely Lory did fix
My pics into bits
Now thats quite some help rather kind

:flower:

[Minnie M]

Originally posted by bobgadjet
Lovely Lory did fix
My pics into bits


hmmmm...... tell me more :wink:

[CJ]

Originally posted by ChrisA
:cheers:

Now this I just cannot believe
A compliment from that chap Steve
It’s truly terrific
From one so prolific
From the floor I must myself retrieve

:flower: :flower:

Around the ears, ChrisA's still wet
Tramp's sarcasm he didn't get
It seems he did miss
Steve was taking the p1ss
ChrisA's a sissy?? You bet!!

[Tiggerbabe]

Let's go busking, Franck did say
Outside Anne Summers, Saturday
By noon, heavy snow
Meant he cancelled the show
But we'll do it again - maybe May!!!!

[Minnie M]

This is such a good thread I thought I would put at the top of the list again. Has to be more interesting than

q :confused:

Come on peeps - whilst I am thinking of a new one - over to you :clap:

[Lory]

We're a Forum of friends, who all Jive,
to events, miles and miles we will drive
Though all kinds of weather
We'll get together
It's what makes us feel so alive!:hug:

[bobgadjet]

Originally posted by Lory
We're a Forum of friends, who all Jive,
to events, miles and miles we will drive
Though all kinds of weather
We'll get together
It's what makes us feel so alive!:hug:
BRILLIANT
Well done Lory :hug:

[bobgadjet]

A new member clearly named Dee
Posts a new thread for us all to see
We don't know what to do
With the one letter "q"
But it's giving us fun, don't you agree?

[Stuart M]

Originally posted by Sheena
Let's go busking, Franck did say
Outside Anne Summers, Saturday
...
Ummm...Franck, I've heard tell on this Forum about the Bacardi Breezers tie-up down south. This isn't a foretaste of a similar sponsorship venture up here, is it?

More importantly, what are the taxi dancer outfits going to look like :really::drool: :sick: :what:

[bobgadjet]

Originally posted by Minnie M
Has to be more interesting than
q :confused:


AAWWW C'mon, The "q" thing was either a brilliant idea, or a brilliant mistake. Just goes to show what we REALLY need to get our minds working :rofl:



Our Minnie is miffed at the "q"
She doesn't know quite what to do
Limericks pass her by
But rather than try
She says "Lads, it's over to you"

:whistle::hug:

[Minnie M]

Q = New Rap Man (just had his hair restyled in the Salon)

[Minnie M]

Originally posted by Minnie M
Q = New Rap Man (just had his hair restyled in the Salon)

Hey Bob - I was quite proud of the one I made up for you (even if the last line didn't rhyme) :blush:

woops - hit the quote button instead of Edit again (it's my age or is it too early :what: ):yeah:

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by DangerousCurves
...might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb....:blush: eeeek!! :what:

I'm still waiting for the muse to come upon me, but don't hold your breath.

Greg

[Minnie M]

There once was a man called Sheepeeee
Who danced with a lady called Mareeeee
From MJ to West Coast Swing
They certainly did their thing
I can't think of a last line "Can someone help meeeee"

OR

To the delight of the very lovely Wendeeeeee

[Martin]

I once met a goddess named Lorraine
Who said “what ariels you’ll not be the same!”
I told her no fret
So she took up the bet
And a cartwheel on grass was her fame
:clap: :clap:

[Martin]

A dancer called Mikey I put to the test
I showed him a move I thought was the best
His girls got red faces
As the hands found strange places
Tame classes I say show the rest
:really: :wink: :blush:

[bobgadjet]

Originally posted by Minnie M
Hey Bob - I was quite proud of the one I made up for you (even if the last line didn't rhyme) :blush:
It was not only good, it did rhyme with Lory's suggestion, but probably wouldn't get past the censor :D


woops - hit the quote button instead of Edit again (it's my age or is it too early :what: ):yeah:
Age thing? What, YOU? Never. I think you're lying about this up-coming event. :kiss:

[bobgadjet]

Linking Lory with Corrie weren't right
If its going to bring on a fight
But her man Steve
Was a lot less peeved
And they both had a laugh that night
:rofl:

So thanks for the slap on the wrist
I'm sorry Mikey got pi**ed
This lounge has the name
And thread "Fun & Games"
And I hope we've made up and kissed
:kiss:
:cheers:

[DavidY]

OK it's a bit late but here is my attempt...


There once was a fellow from France
Who thought he'd teach Scotland to dance
At Champs and Blackpool
The Scots seem to rule
And even Gus says they've advanced.

David (...not giving up the day job...)

[Minnie M]

Originally posted by DavidY
OK it's a bit late but here is my attempt...


There once was a fellow from France
Who thought he'd teach Scotland to dance
At Champs and Blackpool
The Scots seem to rule
And even Gus says they've advanced.

David (...not giving up the day job...)

:clap: :clap:

[Jon L]

Ok this was hard to think of one but here goes.

There one was a dancer called Jon
Who kept thinking of of moves to a song.
But no matter how hard he tried
He ended up stopping, sat down and cried
Cos he kept getting them all very wrong

Not the best attempt but English literature was never my strong point


:sad:

[bobgadjet]

True story.......

Lory, in fine form, not a wreck
Let go with her style, what the heck
Now this was no joke
Her hair caught this bloke
And it wrapped itself right round his neck
:rofl:

Sorry, couldn't resist it :flower:

[Lory]

Originally posted by bobgadjet
True story.......

Lory, in fine form, not a wreck
Let go with her style, what the heck
Now this was no joke
Her hair caught this bloke
And it wrapped itself right round his neck
:rofl:


He he he
I can confirm this story to be true, just to clarify, it wasn't even the man I was dancing with! :blush: :rofl: My partner span me really fast, poor Bernie backed into me and my hair wrapped right round his neck, I nearly strangled him! He had to twist him self back out of it! It was HILARIOUS! :rofl:

[Lory]

I once met this man from down under
I watched him in awe and wonder
I thought I would die
when he said have a try
but he was GOOD and didn't let me plunder!

(I know its a rubbishy one but I had to get back on thread somehow) :D

[bobgadjet]

Originally posted by Lory
I once met this man from down under
I watched him in awe and wonder
I thought I would die
when he said have a try
but he was GOOD and didn't let me plunder!

(I know its a rubbishy one but I had to get back on thread somehow) :D
Well I think it's quite good:), no VERY good :flower:
:kiss:

While still being in my sick bed
I've read over what's being said
Seems sure to this one
Because it's such fun
Hope we ALL stay right on this thread

[Whitebeard]

Came to mind in an idle moment:


I'm really hooked on this MJ,
It's fun, it's sexy, it's OK.
It really swings,
Makes me think things,
So naughty, but nice, as I swing, break, and sashay.


I'm sure others can improve on that !!

[Whitebeard]

And now I find myself by myself in this forum:


I'm alone in this room,
So laden with doom,
Come quick,
Fellin' quite sick,
Like a cadaver, lifeless, cold, in the tomb.

[bigdjiver]

We're posting our thoughts on a forum
and wondering if we're gonna bore 'em
some posts are quite smart
some come from the heart
but whatever, I usually adore 'em

[Whitebeard]

Another idle moment (or two)

I'm a broken down falling to pieces old crock,
Trying to get to grips with Ceroc.
The girls are so willing,
I find it quite thrilling,
Inextricably entwined in a two-handed, double-trouble, hammerlock.

[bigdjiver]

At the fun night, a curse not a blessing
I failed to learn right the lesson
at the start of the song
put my hands somewhere wrong
just where I'm never confessing.

[CJ]

Well, the BFG is upon us
And for us to have fun is the onus
The full biscuit range
Avatar costumes strange
and a new King and Queen as a bonus.

:blush:

[Whitebeard]

At the fun night, a curse not a blessing
I failed to learn right the lesson
at the start of the song
put my hands somewhere wrong
just where I'm never confessing.
Oh what a naughty big, bad, Bigjiver man,
Did it warrant knee in groin or slap on wrist ?
Course, you might'a been merely p......
No excuse; straight on the pervy list,
And next time, no sweat, no appeal, it's a Bigjiver ban.

[bigdjiver]

Oh what a naughty big, bad, Bigjiver man,
Did it warrant knee in groin or slap on wrist ?
Course, you might'a been merely p......
No excuse; straight on the pervy list,
And next time, no sweat, no appeal, it's a Bigjiver ban.Ah, the perils of the sensual intermediate class await you, young grasshopper.

there was a Cerocing beginner
thought she was a natural winner
not up to the class
for the experienced lass
and thinks that he was the sinner

Ceroc Central have little beginner stickers just for the purpose of alerting their partners of their status. Beginners should probably not do the main class on a fun night, and certainly not do it not wearing one, and beginner ladies definitely should wait to be led.

[Whitebeard]

....... young grasshopper.

Jumpin', jumpin,jumpin, hand in air. "Please Miss, may I ....... ."


Ooh, can't wait to join an Intermediate class,
Where the big girls and boys enjoy what comes to pass.
Discard this pesky beginner sticker,
Let sly little hand get near some knicker.
Will I take what comes, when it comes, like a man or a mahse ?

[Whitebeard]

Bladdy moves


It's those bladdy moves, you see, which cause such trouble,
If there were no moves, I'd learn at the double,
The music is fine, the girlies quite divine,
It's those bladdy moves as what snare an' entwine,
So wrapped in confusion, synapses firing offline,
Can't find a bladdy word to rhyme with ...ouble.

[Gadget]

As the BFG is drawing near,
fabulous costumes begin to appear;
I'm a bit worried about some
that only seem half done
(or is it meant to sho off his rear?)

[Lory]

Scotland Scotland here we come :clap:
To the BFG, it's gotta be done :wink:
Gonna have a ball :cheers:
Meeting one and all :kiss:
Question is, will we see CJ's bum? :what: :rofl:

[CJ]

The BFG will attract us, amass
Many a boy, and many a lass
He has signed an accord,
If he wins an award
CJ will show you his...

































class :D

[Whitebeard]

error

[Gadget]

There were some limericks on this forum,
that almost inspired a meaningful poem,
but instead of prose, it came out like a dose,
where it just makes your bum want to squirm!
...


Forumites dancing one on one, hurah, hurrah,
Forumites dancing one on one, hurah, hurrah,
Two forumites dancing one on one; learning the blues is so much fun!
and we all came dancing down; to Perth; to get out of the rain
B.F.G.

Forumites dancing two by two, hurah, hurrah,
Forumites dancing two by two, hurah, hurrah,
a tigger, a rabbit, a paddling canoe; a toaster, and smurf (who's painted blue);
and we all came dancing down; to Perth; to meet every one
B.F.G.

Forumites dancing three by three hurah, hurrah,
Forumites dancing three by three hurah, hurrah,
Double trouble; a sight to see - while dunking biscuits in our tea,
and we all came dancing down; to Perth; to scoff every one;
(nyum.nyum.nyum.)

Forumites dancing four by four hurah, hurrah,
Forumites dancing four by four hurah, hurrah,
Dance with a stranger you've met before, and strutting your stuff upon the floor
and we all came dancing down; to Perth; to cheer-on every one
B.F.G.

Forumites dancing five by five hurah, hurah,
Forumites dancing five by five hurah, hurah,
Grinning and spinning and feeling alive; we're all addicted to modern jive!
and we all came dancing down; to Perth; to wear our new shoes
B.F.G.

Forumites dancing six by six hurah, hurrah,
Forumites dancing six by six hurah, hurrah,
We came to learn some of Trampy's tricks, hoping at least some of it sticks
and we all came dancing down; to Perth; to learn - some new moves
B.F.G.

Forumites dancing seven by seven hurah, hurrah,
Forumites dancing seven by seven hurah, hurrah,
Miles and miles we have driven, to get awards (about eleven)
and we all came dancing down; to Perth; to accept every one
B.F.G.

Forumites dancing eight by eight hurah, hurrah,
Forumites dancing eight by eight hurah, hurrah,
We all are going to celebrate; crown king and queen so don't be late
and we all came dancing down; to Perth; to place all the names
B.F.G.

Forumites dancing nine by nine hurah, hurrah,
Forumites dancing nine by nine hurah, hurrah,
Thanks to Franck we'll have a good time, a couple of beers and bottles of wine
and we all came dancing down; to Perth; to party all night
B.G.F.

Forumites dancing ten by ten hurah, hurah,
Forumites dancing ten by ten hurah, hurah,
a tear may be shed, but we'll meet again; we all know where, and we all know when:
When we next come dancing down; to Perth; for the B - F - G !

[baldrick]

Gadget, Pure quality man. :worthy:

[Whitebeard]

A nightmare:


"Excuse me, dear lady, perchance to dance ?"
"Not with you! I'll happenstance,
You're old, an' grey, an' smelly; well past it."
"Oh," cut to the quick, "If that be so, so be it.
But one day," quick to the cut, "You'll do nowt but sit,
Ill nature now shown, well deserving future comeuppance."

Thank goodness Ceroc nights are never like this.

[drathzel]

Gadget, Pure quality man. :worthy:


Spot the English man who had been in Scotland too long! :D

[Caro]

[
stuff

Ever thought about posting in rimes more often Rocky ? You might not end up outside so often :whistle:


(although the side effect would be to increase your post per day stat :devil: )

[Rocky]

Ever thought about posting in rimes more often Rocky ? You might not end up outside so often :whistle:


(although the side effect would be to increase your post per day stat :devil: )

Good idea... how about this little ditty..

There was a young lady from France
Who try as she may couldn't dance
She tried different dance styles
Was not big on smiles
And looked like a fart in a trance

Happy now?:flower:

[Caro]

There was a young lady from France

I suppose all is relative :innocent:



Who try as she may couldn't dance
She tried different dance styles


My dear Rocky... psychologists have a word for that, it's called projection, you might want to look it up :flower:

[CJ]

No prizes for guessing who this is about...:wink:

Is it you??

[Rocky]

Is it you??

Aww, you guys... you never learn do you...

There was a Scot's lad we'll call Jock (you just know where this going don't you...)
Who stuffed his gimp suit with a sock
In a pertinent place
It looked limp as a lace
'Cos his belly stuck out more than his c***

:flower:

[Rocky]

I'm on a roll here...

There was a mad lady whose thatch
Suggested her ‘collar’ and ‘cuffs’ would not match
So just like a granny
With white hairs on her fanny
She harmonized her head with her snatch.

[straycat]

I'm on a roll here...

Aren't limericks supposed to be funny? :confused:

[Caro]

Aren't limericks supposed to be funny? :confused:

The amazing thing with Rocky, is that when you think he has reached new levels of crassness, he reliably posts again and leads the way to abysses you never thought existed....

[Rocky]

Aren't limericks supposed to be funny? :confused:

They are when you know who on the forum they relate to - like this one:

There once was this cool swinging cat
Who thought he knew where it's at
He practised his 'hop'
But was a bit of a flop
And everyone thought him a twat

Makes me laugh...

[Rocky]

The amazing thing with Rocky, is that when you think he has reached new levels of crassness, he reliably posts again and leads the way to abysses you never thought existed....

Aww... you still smarting over your limerick? :rofl:

[johnnyman]

There was an MJer called Hattie
When she danced was for some way too chatty.
She then lost her voice
When she made a bad choice
Now she signs and drinks coconut latte.

:whistle:
best (or not)
johnnyman

[Caro]

Aww... you still smarting over your limerick? :rofl:

you hurt me so bad Rocky I'm still crying :what:

[Rocky]

A Silver haired man from the city
Liked to 'feed' the ponies so pretty
But one day in the car
His hand went too far
And his finger came out covered in sh***y

Surely that is a new level of crassness Caro..

[Rocky]

you hurt me so bad Rocky I'm still crying :what:

Clearly, otherwise you would just leave it..:love:

Why not try a limerick riposte instead?

[Rocky]

Ooops..

[robd]

I know a groundhog DJ Dave Rokov
At whose mention other forumites scoff
With endless posts to the forum
He never ceases to bore them
How they all wish he would f*ck off
















{love you really beardo - and the one you mysteriously pulled about the refuser.........}

[Rocky]

I know a groundhog DJ Dave Rokov
At whose mention other forumites scoff
With endless posts to the forum
He never ceases to bore them
How they all wish he would f*ck off

{love you really beardo - and the one you mysteriously pulled about the refuser.........}

Thought it was a bit too personal and also because you're not supposed to name the person in question in the rhyme...:whistle:

A misreable man with a carpet on his head
Used to listen to music with dread
If only his rhymes
Were as effortlessly sublime
As that DJ guy's on this thread

[Rocky]

A blonde bombshell who danced like a cat
Would get her puppies out at the drop of a hat
Even stuffed in a bra
They would inspire such awe
'cos unfettered they'd knock you flat

[Rocky]

A 50's throwback man with great taste
Whilst dancing pulled a ridicolous face
That look of pain wasn't fear
'cos like his trousers it was clear
That his nadgers were pulled up to his waist

[straycat]

Makes me laugh...

Me too - truth can hurt, but I've always found jealousy highly amusing :wink:

You've inspired me to have a go at this limerick malarky though. Let's see now...

A teacher of 'dance' hit a blip,
Blamed others, and whined ‘Get a Grip!’
When he quite failed to shock, he
Renamed himself Rocky,
Then resumed his banal ranting trip.

[robd]

because you're not supposed to name the person in question in the rhyme...:whistle:


Fair point but ignoring the potential of Rokov within a limerick was beyond my willpower :innocent:

How about

I know a man with little inhibition
Offending people seems to be his mission
When dancing he looks constipated
tsh thinks his music's overrated
Me, I just wish he'd stop playing Superstition

[Rocky]

Me too - truth can hurt, but I've always found jealousy highly amusing :wink:

You've inspired me to have a go at this limerick malarky though. Let's see now...

A teacher of 'dance' hit a blip,
Blamed others, and whined ‘Get a Grip!’
When he quite failed to shock, he
Renamed himself Rocky,
Then resumed his banal ranting trip.

:rofl: Not bad, a little off the mark though and I repeat, you're not supposed to name the person in the rhyme!! And it would have been better as follows:

A teacher of 'dance' hit a blip,
Blamed others, and whined ‘Get a Grip!’
He then got too cocky,
Renamed himself Rocky,
And resumed his banal ranting trip.

[Rocky]

Fair point but ignoring the potential of Rokov within a limerick was beyond my willpower :innocent:

How about

I know a man with little inhibition
Offending people seems to be his mission
When dancing he looks constipated
tsh thinks his music's overrated
Me, I just wish he'd stop playing Superstition

Now that's truly worthy! :worthy:

This newbie who dances with a hat
Like's to come on the Forum and chat
He wanders around
Claims his ear's too the ground
Thinks he's great, but is a bit of a pratt

[StokeBloke]

An egregious grumpy dancer of Blues,
vexed Caro with words that he'd use.
As subtle as a bat in the face,
some girls called him a disgrace,
but if he asked 'em .. they'd never refuse :wink:

[Rocky]

An egregious grumpy dancer of Blues,
vexed Caro with words that he'd use.
As subtle as a bat in the face,
some girls called him a disgrace,
but if he asked 'em .. they'd never refuse :wink:

:rofl: Although I would hardly describe myself as 'grumpy'..

A big sweaty bloke from near Stoke
Danced the blues with all manner of folk
But there was one special girl
That he cared to twirl
The little missy he oft loved to poke..:wink:

[Caro]

Why not try a limerick riposte instead?

since you asked so nicely

No wonder he can neither hear nor see
For his head's filled with smut, not intimacy
He simply can't triple so he'll stand there and sway
Calls it blues, says it's sexy, but try as he may
He's a one-trick pony, with the brain of a pea.




As subtle as a bat in the face,
some girls called him a disgrace,
but if he asked 'em .. they'd never refuse :wink:

I think you're grossly misreading me, there, Stokie... ;)

[Zebra Woman]

since you asked so nicely

No wonder he can neither hear nor see
For his head's filled with smut, not intimacy
He simply can't triple so he'll stand there and sway
Calls it blues, says it's sexy, but try as he may
He's a one-trick pony, with the brain of a pea.


I think you're syncopating Caro ...

There seem to be way too many beats in your limerick! :blush: :rofl:

[Caro]

I think you're syncopating Caro ...


what can I say, can't help it ;)

[Rocky]

since you asked so nicely

No wonder he can neither hear nor see
For his head's filled with smut, not intimacy
He simply can't triple so he'll stand there and sway
Calls it blues, says it's sexy, but try as he may
He's a one-trick pony, with the brain of a pea.


Not bad, a bit wordy though.. Let me guess it sounds better in French right?


I think you're grossly misreading me, there, Stokie... ;)

Not based on past experience he isn't..:whistle:


There was an annoying lady who took
To a dance venue a Harry Potter book
She didn't dance, but just read
She's not right in the head
'cos all she wants is for people to look.

Look at me...no, don't look at me... look at me... I'm shy....:wink:

[Cruella]

Stripes are so last year
It's time to change, my dear
How about fur for a change?
I can do you a good range
Zebra spots to adorn your rear?

[straycat]

Not bad, a bit wordy though.. Let me guess it sounds better in French right?

She managed to make it scan though - you could learn from that.

[Rocky]

Ah ZW, was just getting round to it..:wink:

There was this lady who liked to dance slow
She dressed in stripes but had a problem below
And one day for a change
Wore red pants that were strange
And showed off her huge camel toe

[robd]

A Frenchman who loves all things Apple
and enjoys many a sweet champagne tipple
Watching him dance to the beat,
savouring his crazy feet
is enough to make this miseryguts giggle

[Rocky]

She managed to make it scan though - ..

You think? Maybe it's time you took a trip to SpecSavers SC..

[Rocky]

A Frenchman who loves all things Apple
and enjoys many a sweet champagne tipple
Watching him dance to the beat,
savouring his crazy feet
is enough to make this miseryguts giggle

And..

This Scottish Frenchman you'll never forget
(Apparently he started the Forum for a bet)
But when he twirls on the floor
You have to run for the door
Or get knocked out by his sausage baguette

[straycat]

You think? Maybe it's time you took a trip to SpecSavers SC..

No thanks. I like to improve my vision - not worsen it :rolleyes:

[Caro]

Not based on past experience he isn't..:whistle:


lol, try me then... :rofl:
the line between tough love and profound disgust is not that fine, believe me :what:


There was an annoying lady who took
To a dance venue a Harry Potter book
She didn't dance, but just read


you're still aren't over that, are you ?
Can't take the fact someone could find HP more entertaining that your endless 110 pbm funk ?


... I'm shy....

:rofl: this gets better and better :rofl:

[robd]

Fair point but ignoring the potential of Rokov within a limerick was beyond my willpower :innocent:


And still is....


Said Val to her hubby Dave Rokov
I know you're a bit of a show off
but if you should stray
be tempted to play away
I warn you, I will cut your c*ck off :sick:

[Rocky]

And still is....


Said Val to her hubby Dave Rokov
I know you're a bit of a show off
but if you should stray
be tempted to play away
I warn you, I will cut your c*ck off :sick:

And there you are sitting back with a little grin on your face - shame it took you all day though!

[Rocky]

lol, try me then... :rofl:

I would, except I'm not the one who's generally wandering around looking for a dance..:whistle:


the line between tough love and profound disgust is not that fine, believe me :what:

I'm sure your ex-boyfriends would agree...:wink:


you're still aren't over that, are you ?
Can't take the fact someone could find HP more entertaining that your endless 110 pbm funk ?

I'm a lover of HP myself so I know what you mean, but I wouldn't be so amazingly rude as to go to a dance night and ignore everyone in the room whilst making a big show of it. Of course no-one would have noticed you if you had stayed at home would they?


:rofl: this gets better and better :rofl:

You're right it does!

[robd]

And there you are sitting back with a little grin on your face - shame it took you all day though!

I wish it had - it might scan then. Then again, some things are better after a little time and preparation (remember the song you chose for your wedding dance :grin: ) Contrary to the usual day I have actually been doing some work today. When the image of a camel towing ZW's caravan to Southport (http://http://www.jokewallpaper.com/uploads/1024x768_054.gif) wasn't occupying my mind that is :innocent:

And I note you're not denying that Mrs Rokov rules with a rod of iron.......

[Rocky]

And I note you're not denying that Mrs Rokov rules with a rod of iron.......

She's a tough little cookie alright, but it's a cookie covered in a caramel. As for the rod of iron, well with my usual modesty I'll decline any comparison....

[StokeBloke]

She's a tough little cookie alright, but it's a cookie covered in a caramel. As for the rod of iron, well with my usual modesty I'll decline any comparison....
This reminds me of the line from the movie Cocoon where one old guy is commenting on his new found virility and he says "It's like blue steel, a cat couldn't scratch it." Great line ... I use it often :rofl:

And as for Val covered in caramel ... that is a mental image I am trying not to shake off :D

[Cruella]

I'm on a roll here...

There was a mad lady whose thatch
Suggested her ‘collar’ and ‘cuffs’ would not match
So just like a granny
With white hairs on her fanny
She harmonized her head with her snatch.


Doh! I didn't even click that this was about me until I read Rocky's post on the 'Message in a bottle' thread.:rolleyes: I think the 'Lady' bit threw me.:wink:

[johnnyman]

There's a champ West Coast Swinger named Dougal
who six-counts whilst playing the bugle
His talent's immense
And he always talks sense
Hell, he can spin whilst surfing on Google!!!

best
johnnyman:wink:

[Gadget]

The lyrical thread carries on,
Rocky's prose seem to go on until dawn;
his rebuts against Caro
can't cut to the marrow
and most are simply met with confused scorn.

I'm tempted to post some more rhyme,
but I fear I don't have the time;
I've finished my tea
and need to go for a wee
before going dancing with many fine quine {<- aberdonian dialect;)}