Tazmanian Devil
28th-January-2004, 01:27 AM
Someone e-mailed me this, I thought it was quite funny. :kiss: :hug:
The Lesson - For Her
Arrive at venue. Join the queue. Wait five minutes. Move on 22 ladies!
The first guy doesn’t not agree with the use of aftershave or deodorant! [Mental note to avoid him later]. Next has sweaty hands [and body].
He leaves you feeling wet and sticky. Give the next man a hug to dry hands on his back [they’re still sticky though]. Tall & shy [but married] he’s pleased by you’re actions. [Must dance with him later].
Back to seats. Gossip. Mark men out of 10. See who to avoid in line up. “Move round 15” [that’s better]. You get ‘Milk Tray Man’ [Dam]. Dressed in black. Tells you teacher is crap, you’re doing the move wrong, you’re too fat/thin, short/tall and your clothes don’t suit you’re figure!
Fuming you move on reflecting that you’re prepared to rub bodies with some men on the dance floor you normally cross the street to avoid! Within the next 10minutes you get Mr. halitosis, the hand stroker, letch, groper, someone with BO, a bad aftershave addict and the floor gazer.
The lady next to you gets the nice guys and is highly amused. You’re not!
Then it’s ‘Martin’ drop dead gorgeous. You really fancy him. According to gossip, he’s single, and, you’re just his type. Give him a kiss, hug and squeeze. He tells you his new girlfriend could be your double [Men!]
No eye contact with the next guy, he’s mesmerised by your cleavage.
You start talking about his bald spot. He looks up. [Then down again].
Your friend goes to the cloakroom. Naturally, you accompany her.
Both complain that there aren’t many men, especially good lookers. The halls too cold/hot and you’re wearing the wrong dress! Check hair, lipstick, straighten clothes, and adjust underwear. Back to the lesson.
Watch the lady on stage. It’s unfair. She’s attractive, a good dancer & has a perfect figure? You wish you’d worn something less tight. Bored mentally undress the teacher, shudder at the thought. Stop. See someone wearing red & black shoes. Look up. Legs seem ok, tight bum, great body. [That’s better]. Mentally disrobe him. He senses your stare & turns round. He‘s even better from the front! Make eye contact, & smile. [If only!] You are wet and sticky again. It’s the last time through. You end up in front of the tall shy guy. In one quick sentence he admires your dress, hair, shoes, and figure, tells you he thinks you are great. Asks you for a date. Speechless. Your opinion of him has really changed. Pause to consider his wife you smile and say….
The Lesson – For Him
In the line up. [Mentally] Young free and single [you’re on your own tonight so that’s almost the same]. Surrounded by ladies that like dancing with you. [Wishing that learnt to dance sooner]. They move 18 ladies round. Good odds. Say hi as they walk round. Special smile for the ones you secretly fancy [or you think fancy you]. Your latest ‘ex’ is in front of you. Exchange glares and little else. “Move on 22 ladies” [great]. Next Two beginners then a vision of beauty, you instantly fancy her. Imagination goes into overdrive.
Seeing the next move your jaw drops nearly as far as the lady on stage! You haven’t a clue how to do this one. The beauty does! She throws herself into it with great gusto. You are still looking at the stage puzzled.
Her squeal breaks the rhythm of the class. All are looking silently at you.
Turning red [somehow you are holding on to her leg], you help her get up.
You comment about her falling for you. She smiles and limps off.
Next is Lin who declines the move. Her back’s bad! Move on. It’s a talker. You only hear every 3rd word as she spins round but that doesn’t deter her. Lin’s back has recovered. She is now throwing herself into ‘that move’.
The lesson continues. You get 2 good dancers you’ve never met before,
A stick insect who thinks she is overweight, someone who invites you to her party. [You accept].
A Lindy dancer who seems to be on a different beat, a size 12-lady wearing size 10 clothes. Plus 4 ladies [One you have known for a year] who all know your name. You can’t remember theirs. You smile to yourself. Where else, could you meet so many great looking ladies, dance together [sometimes really closely. You can’t remember [or don’t know] their names. Then they say “Thank you” and move on!
They are teaching a body hold-wiggle. Your wiggle looks like a lump of Jell-O on matchsticks. This doesn’t bother your next lady. She wraps her body around you & executes a squeeze that would make a Python envious. Next is a bossy lady who’s been dancing for weeks!! Apparently the men have got the routine wrong, stand to close to the ladies & have no timing. She moves on. The guy next to you smiles. You comment about some ladies having a correlation between hair colour and brain cells. He informs you that the bossy lady is his Wife. Then agrees with you.
:rofl: :rofl:
The Lesson - For Her
Arrive at venue. Join the queue. Wait five minutes. Move on 22 ladies!
The first guy doesn’t not agree with the use of aftershave or deodorant! [Mental note to avoid him later]. Next has sweaty hands [and body].
He leaves you feeling wet and sticky. Give the next man a hug to dry hands on his back [they’re still sticky though]. Tall & shy [but married] he’s pleased by you’re actions. [Must dance with him later].
Back to seats. Gossip. Mark men out of 10. See who to avoid in line up. “Move round 15” [that’s better]. You get ‘Milk Tray Man’ [Dam]. Dressed in black. Tells you teacher is crap, you’re doing the move wrong, you’re too fat/thin, short/tall and your clothes don’t suit you’re figure!
Fuming you move on reflecting that you’re prepared to rub bodies with some men on the dance floor you normally cross the street to avoid! Within the next 10minutes you get Mr. halitosis, the hand stroker, letch, groper, someone with BO, a bad aftershave addict and the floor gazer.
The lady next to you gets the nice guys and is highly amused. You’re not!
Then it’s ‘Martin’ drop dead gorgeous. You really fancy him. According to gossip, he’s single, and, you’re just his type. Give him a kiss, hug and squeeze. He tells you his new girlfriend could be your double [Men!]
No eye contact with the next guy, he’s mesmerised by your cleavage.
You start talking about his bald spot. He looks up. [Then down again].
Your friend goes to the cloakroom. Naturally, you accompany her.
Both complain that there aren’t many men, especially good lookers. The halls too cold/hot and you’re wearing the wrong dress! Check hair, lipstick, straighten clothes, and adjust underwear. Back to the lesson.
Watch the lady on stage. It’s unfair. She’s attractive, a good dancer & has a perfect figure? You wish you’d worn something less tight. Bored mentally undress the teacher, shudder at the thought. Stop. See someone wearing red & black shoes. Look up. Legs seem ok, tight bum, great body. [That’s better]. Mentally disrobe him. He senses your stare & turns round. He‘s even better from the front! Make eye contact, & smile. [If only!] You are wet and sticky again. It’s the last time through. You end up in front of the tall shy guy. In one quick sentence he admires your dress, hair, shoes, and figure, tells you he thinks you are great. Asks you for a date. Speechless. Your opinion of him has really changed. Pause to consider his wife you smile and say….
The Lesson – For Him
In the line up. [Mentally] Young free and single [you’re on your own tonight so that’s almost the same]. Surrounded by ladies that like dancing with you. [Wishing that learnt to dance sooner]. They move 18 ladies round. Good odds. Say hi as they walk round. Special smile for the ones you secretly fancy [or you think fancy you]. Your latest ‘ex’ is in front of you. Exchange glares and little else. “Move on 22 ladies” [great]. Next Two beginners then a vision of beauty, you instantly fancy her. Imagination goes into overdrive.
Seeing the next move your jaw drops nearly as far as the lady on stage! You haven’t a clue how to do this one. The beauty does! She throws herself into it with great gusto. You are still looking at the stage puzzled.
Her squeal breaks the rhythm of the class. All are looking silently at you.
Turning red [somehow you are holding on to her leg], you help her get up.
You comment about her falling for you. She smiles and limps off.
Next is Lin who declines the move. Her back’s bad! Move on. It’s a talker. You only hear every 3rd word as she spins round but that doesn’t deter her. Lin’s back has recovered. She is now throwing herself into ‘that move’.
The lesson continues. You get 2 good dancers you’ve never met before,
A stick insect who thinks she is overweight, someone who invites you to her party. [You accept].
A Lindy dancer who seems to be on a different beat, a size 12-lady wearing size 10 clothes. Plus 4 ladies [One you have known for a year] who all know your name. You can’t remember theirs. You smile to yourself. Where else, could you meet so many great looking ladies, dance together [sometimes really closely. You can’t remember [or don’t know] their names. Then they say “Thank you” and move on!
They are teaching a body hold-wiggle. Your wiggle looks like a lump of Jell-O on matchsticks. This doesn’t bother your next lady. She wraps her body around you & executes a squeeze that would make a Python envious. Next is a bossy lady who’s been dancing for weeks!! Apparently the men have got the routine wrong, stand to close to the ladies & have no timing. She moves on. The guy next to you smiles. You comment about some ladies having a correlation between hair colour and brain cells. He informs you that the bossy lady is his Wife. Then agrees with you.
:rofl: :rofl: