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Andy McGregor
27th-November-2003, 01:17 PM
Wow! It is dark in here. Is that you I can feel Agent ChrisA?:confused:

Dreadful Scathe
27th-November-2003, 01:25 PM
No! muhahahah hHAHAHhaHaH AHahHahHAhAHh !!

Pammy
27th-November-2003, 01:48 PM
Is that a blue tongue? :what:

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 01:51 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Wow! It is dark in here. Is that you I can feel Agent ChrisA?:confused:

No its me....Agent Bardster.....Gerroff!!! I told you before, I have NOT gone commando....ouch that hurt!

Anybody seen a gorilla anywhere? Damn! Wish I'd brought a torch! :D

Andy McGregor
27th-November-2003, 02:19 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
No its me....Agent Bardster.....

Anyone else noticed it's gone very hot in here...

Pammy
27th-November-2003, 02:43 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Anyone else noticed it's gone very hot in here...

That's coz it's getting very crowded; that's five now isn't it?

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 02:52 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
That's coz it's getting very crowded; that's five now isn't it?

I make it 4....

Dreadful Scathe
27th-November-2003, 02:54 PM
Whos hand is that? Oi :what:

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 02:55 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
Whos hand is that? Oi :what:


Ooops sorry :blush:

Pammy
27th-November-2003, 02:58 PM
4?

What, that fluffy thing's not the gorilla??? :tears:

Sheepman
27th-November-2003, 03:05 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
What, that fluffy thing's not the gorilla??? :tears:
No! :D

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 03:07 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
4?

What, that fluffy thing's not the gorilla??? :tears:

Errr no Pamster, sorry.... but I'm getting a little concerned, cos there are some funny noises coming from the other corner....so can you describe what this fluffy thing feels like....remembering that we're not "UPSTAIRS" :blush: :rofl:

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 03:09 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
No! :D

Ah aaaH ! Mystery solved.... its not a fluffy thing its a wooly thing! Phew! We can breathe easier now Pammy.

Did you think to bring a torch, Sheepie, its very dark in here!

Pammy
27th-November-2003, 03:11 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Did you think to bring a torch, Sheepie, its very dark in here!

He'll have at least four in his bag! Is that what you're unzipping? :what:

Px

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 03:14 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
He'll have at least four in his bag! Is that what you're unzipping? :what:

Px

Eeek! Holds breath in fearful anticipation, whilst managing to fluff up hair and apply lipstick at same time, just in case

Andy McGregor
27th-November-2003, 03:21 PM
When Sheepy find the torch I hope the mystery will be solved.

I've never heard of DS leaving Smurf. He hardly ever leaves his nuclear Bunkers below Smurf Palace. This may be one of his lookalikes in this hollow tree. It might even be a Virtual Scathe transmitted to us by Video Conferencing facilities provided in the Hollow Tree. Does this mean he's tapped into our secret cabling?:what:

Dreadful Scathe
27th-November-2003, 03:21 PM
RING RING

"hello, hollow tree here ?"

"What ?....you want to speak to the blue tongued spy for S.M.U.R.F? Hang on Ill get her, but its pitch black in here"

ok..er...which one is Pammy, and..er..where did that canoe come from. It is a canoe isnt it ? :what:

Andy McGregor
27th-November-2003, 03:25 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Eeek! whilst managing to fluff up hair and apply lipstick at same time, just in case

You can't hide a blue tongue with just lipstick.

p.s. What shade is it? I might borrow it but I've only applied a light Lancome 'Brun Ardent' blusher today.

Sheepman
27th-November-2003, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
its not a fluffy thing its a wooly thing! No, that's not me you've got hold of, I think that fluffy thing has got 8 legs!! Oh God, the one thing not in my bag, a torch, I think I'm going to be sick! No wait, I'll just strike a match . . .

G

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 03:42 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
You can't hide a blue tongue with just lipstick.

Just as well I don't have a blue tongue then, innit? I think you're mixing your imposter Pamsters with your genuine Bardsters....is the stress getting to you, do you think? Shhhh did you hear that? Sounded like a phone? Ok, which wiseguy's brought his mobile but didn't think to pack a torch....oh hang on, its me...oops sorry :blush:

Hello? Mmmm that's some stutter you got there mate... Oh sorry ... Sheepie, its for you!

p.s. What shade is it? I might borrow it but I've only applied a light Lancome 'Brun Ardent' blusher today. [/QUOTE]

Actually its called Ceroc Red, its a kind of fushia colour, very flattering.....here try it! Damn, dropped it.....where's those matches, Sheepie?

Sheepman
27th-November-2003, 03:52 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
.....where's those matches, Sheepie? Hello, Hello? It's Al Wilson, he wants to talk about the Snake, don't you just hate that?

What was that . . . ?

Oh no . . . who did . . . what's that whiff . . .

I don't think I'd better light up just now. :sick:

Greg

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 03:56 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
Hello, Hello? It's Al Wilson, he wants to talk about the Snake, don't you just hate that?

Greg

Snake? Snake? What snake? Now, don't joke about it, that's not funny!:tears:

Mary
27th-November-2003, 04:21 PM
Helloooooooo.

It's OK I don't think there's anyone in here. We should be safe hiding here.

OUCH!


MMmmffffff.

M

TheTramp
27th-November-2003, 04:38 PM
Originally posted by Mary
Helloooooooo.

It's OK I don't think there's anyone in here. We should be safe hiding here.

OUCH!


MMmmffffff.

M Oops.

Sorry M.

Clumsy me!

Steve

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 04:40 PM
Originally posted by Mary
Helloooooooo.

It's OK I don't think there's anyone in here. We should be safe hiding here.

OUCH!


MMmmffffff.

M

Hey, steady on girl, its quite crowded in here....ow, geroff my toe, Sheepie! It is Sheepie, isn't it?

Pammy, you still there? You've gone all quiet....so has Andy. Hey, what you up to in that corner????

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 04:42 PM
Originally posted by TheTramp
Oops.

Sorry M.

Clumsy me!

Steve

Did you just stand on my toe, Steve? It was definitely something with more than two legs.....mmmm not sure I want to know anymore !

Pammy
27th-November-2003, 04:57 PM
Sorry, helping Andy apply his lipstick. As Nigel would say, I love red (only worn it once or twice, but apparently I love it :confused: ) Very hard doing this in the dark, expect I've got it all over him, wait a minute, that's no lipstick! It's a banana; I think :what:

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 05:13 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Sorry, helping Andy apply his lipstick. As Nigel would say, I love red (only worn it once or twice, but apparently I love it :confused: ) Very hard doing this in the dark, expect I've got it all over him, wait a minute, that's no lipstick! It's a banana; I think :what:

Banana? Are you sure? Does that mean what I think it means? Can you smell gorilla? No.....surely not.... he can't fit in here as well..... can he?:confused:

Mary
27th-November-2003, 05:23 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Banana? Are you sure? Does that mean what I think it means? Can you smell gorilla? No.....surely not.... he can't fit in here as well..... can he?:confused:

Nope. The gorilla's gone ape!!:rofl: :rofl:

M

Sheepman
27th-November-2003, 05:41 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
It's a banana; I think :what:
Pammy what have I told you about delving into my bag?!
No keep off, no, don't touch that,
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Is that Jules?
No, the aliens have arrived, now that feels a lot better - ahhh.

Pammy I hope you've read the instructions for that lipstick?

It's getting even hotter in here, who brought the shears?

G

Bardsey
27th-November-2003, 06:01 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
Pammy what have I told you about delving into my bag?!
No keep off, no, don't touch that,
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

oooh Bags I borrow that next...... what do you mean? I thought it was a fan..... oh what do you do with that then? Really? mmm give us a go!

It's getting even hotter in here, who brought the shears?

G [/QUOTE]

Come here, Sheepie, I've got my nail scissors in my bag... hang on let me fish around for them..... what's this? mmm now did that get in there.....bzzzzzzzzzzzz oh its okay Sheepie, I don't need a go of yours.....

Pammy
27th-November-2003, 06:03 PM
Well, I've got a Chomp in mine.

Last time I checked Boo had a can of tomatoes :confused:

Dreadful Scathe
27th-November-2003, 06:19 PM
Aha. The agents from S.M.U.R.F succeed in sending the opposition into complete dissarray.

All my DS doppelganger needs to do now is to drop a tasty packet of poisoned belgian chocs and retreat to create chaos another day.

The world and all hollow trees, will be mine.

oh yes.








meanwhile on the Planet Zog. Extraordinary Agent of Wiggles Boomer, is getting a pedicure

stewart38
27th-November-2003, 06:20 PM
I'm all alone I have no roots I have no tree. I wanted to branch out but I couldn't see.

I wasn't even invited so I better p*** off he he

:confused:

Andy McGregor
27th-November-2003, 06:29 PM
I must have blacked out for a while. What's this up my nose? I think it's a lipstick. And my face seems to be smeared with something - tastes like bannana...

What's that smell too? There seems to be some gentle bleating coming from one corner along with some kind of Whooop, whoooop whhoooooopppp sound...

And what's that I'm sitting on, seems to be wiggling, nice wiggle too:waycool:

Boomer
27th-November-2003, 06:46 PM
Oooo! My, they're soooo soft!

ChrisA
27th-November-2003, 06:48 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
I must have blacked out for a while.
Well Sir.

It's just as well you are conscious now.

And it's about time. As chief Inquisitor, with special authority vested in me from the Director, Supreme Wiggling Command, I hereby relieve you of your calibration responsibilities.

I think you'll find this documentation in order.

Despite my workload over the last few days, namely a special covert operation in deepest darkest Surrey, involving particularly exhaustive and indeed exhausting observations of remote wigglers, followed by preparation of detailed report on same, further followed by analysis of London wigglers, I have still been able to monitor all Hollow Tree activities, and have been in direct contact with the Director.

The disgraceful goings-on have met with shock in the upper echelons of our Organisation.

It seems I have arrived here only just in time to prevent a complete rout by S.M.U.R.F agents. As you see, I have found Boomer. He will be required to give full account of his activities.

Field operative Div/1, arrest that man. And the rest of you, OUT. For shame... have you no wiggling to do?

Divissima
27th-November-2003, 07:14 PM
*sounds of struggle*mmmnnf rrgggg *slosh* *gulp*

Ha! I have stunned Boomer by slipping garlic backwash into his beer. While he lies helpless on the ground...

I am arresting you on the charge of activities related to Dark Wiggles. You do not have to say anything but if you fail to mention when questioned something you later rely on in court.....&c

Supreme Wiggle Commander, I am pleased to report that I have apprehended the unfortunate individual. I shall make emergency steps to have him deprogrammed.

Long live the Wigolution!

Pammy
28th-November-2003, 10:31 AM
Better make sure you de-prawnie him first Diva, could get nasty :tears:

Sheepman
28th-November-2003, 12:31 PM
So the smell was just garlic, that's all right then, mmmmm wonder if it's pickled?

Hang on, I can see a light, look, just a pinprick in the distance . . .

Go towards the light, go towards the light!

Oh, what the f . . .! hey Boomer. It's NO SMOKING IN HERE!
(and you can put that pinprick away too.)

Is anyone else getting hungry round here?

G

Dreadful Scathe
28th-November-2003, 12:56 PM
Wasn't Boomer posting from the Planet Zog just then? Hes not here, its a hologram you fools: muhahahahHAHAHahHAahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa-choo

Andy McGregor
28th-November-2003, 01:06 PM
I can hear voices coming from the Hollow Tree Conferencing facility. I thought that with the stand down to amber status all operatives had left the tree.

Hang on, I'll just turn up the volume.

..I'm feeling a bit peckish myself. Would you like a banana? Have you got anything to drink?

I've got this energy drink try some.

(cries of "don't give it to him, he'll go BERSERK!" from the Department of Wiggling)

..too late

..HELP, the Gorilla's gone mad. He's running out of the tree and climbing it. Now he's standing in the branches showing his bottom and wiggling.

It's too horrid to watch:what:

Pammy
28th-November-2003, 01:20 PM
Anyone who fancies a banana can just lick Andy's face; right :wink:

Px

ChrisA
28th-November-2003, 01:23 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
its a hologram you fools:
It is now.

For those that haven't been following the plot, let me explain. The simulacrum of Boomer that Field Operative Div/1 left in the tree was merely a diversionary tactic to confuse the enemy agents that had infiltrated it.

The real Boomer is now spilling the beans under the influence of a strong truth serum; he will be released shortly, but don't expect any more sense out of him than usual.

Insane ramblings from enemy agents are also to be expected, so some audible noise will probably remain for some time.

Sheepman
28th-November-2003, 01:37 PM
Originally posted by ChrisA
Boomer is now spilling the beans Correction - tomatoes.

G

Bardsey
28th-November-2003, 01:42 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor

..HELP, the Gorilla's gone mad. He's running out of the tree and climbing it. Now he's standing in the branches showing his bottom and wiggling.

It's too horrid to watch:what:

Hang on, let me try and talk him down, then we can interrogate him and see if he is the real Boomster or not.

"Come on down, you big ape, stop messing around" mmm doesn't seem to be working - I know, I have a cunning plan

Agent Bardster quickly does her world-famous impression of Sharon Stone

Ah Ah ! Thought that would bring him down quickly..... daft ape landed on his head though.... might have knocked some sense into him.

Over to you for interrogation, Commander!

ChrisA
28th-November-2003, 01:44 PM
Originally posted by ChrisA
Insane ramblings from enemy agents
Correction:

Enemy agents and others...

Pammy
28th-November-2003, 01:45 PM
It's official; we've lost it...

Is it hollow tree, or hollow heads? :confused:

Bardsey
28th-November-2003, 02:00 PM
Hellllooooooo!

Anyone still here? Where's everyone gone???? HELP!! Can't get out....HELLLLPPPPP !

Sheepman
28th-November-2003, 02:01 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
It's official; we've lost it... When did that happen then? And who says it's official? And . . . ahhhhh! some great ape has just landed on me :sick:

G

Boomer
28th-November-2003, 02:15 PM
Reminds me of my safari on Zog. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Hey! Pocket-sized Sharon Stone:really:! What can I say except I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy :grin:

My thanks to W C Fields for the quotes, a man who makes less atomised my sojourns with Bacchus. Careful everybody, I've got the 'Deen-Flu, it's a killer!....but it does give you a really deep voice :waycool: Today, I am mostly singing the Volga Boatman in tune :waycool:

Andy McGregor
28th-November-2003, 02:17 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Hellllooooooo!

Anyone still here? Where's everyone gone???? HELP!! Can't get out....HELLLLPPPPP !

Alone at last. Now we need to discuss the sleeping arrangements for you, Kylie and me in Scotland.

As you know this is just a cover, I will be out every night completing top secret missions spying on SMURF palace.

To ensure that nothing untoward happens to you and Kylie in my absence I have received a suggestion from agent Boomer that we set up a webcam in your hotel room so that he can be sure you're safe. He suggests that this is registered as Kylie&SharonUndercover.com. Agent Boomer suggests that to ensure your safety you are watched by as many people as possible. Agent Boomer further suggests a subscription to the site is made available to wiggers everywhere at a monthly subscription of 400 bananas:confused:

Boomer
28th-November-2003, 02:23 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
...To ensure that nothing untoward happens to you and Kylie in my absence I have received a suggestion from agent Boomer that we set up a webcam in your hotel room so that he can be sure you're safe. He suggests that this is registered as Kylie&SharonUndercover.com. Agent Boomer suggests that to ensure your safety you are watched by as many people as possible. Agent Boomer further suggests a subscription to the site is made available to wiggers everywhere at a monthly subscription of 400 bananas:confused:

I also consider this to be the most sensible idea I have every had. I also strongley suspect that 'The Smurfeys Hole of Residue' is not actually in Smurf! - but rather, it's in the Granite City itself...disguised as a semi-disused N.C.P carpark! I have come to this conclusing due to the fact that Smurfeys shed thier skin, and outside said location I saw a number of small., blue, winkled skin sheds...from what I saw he may also have a cold :sick:

Yeah Smurfey! You're rumbled! How d'ya like dem bananananas!?!

Bardsey
28th-November-2003, 02:41 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Alone at last. Now we need to discuss the sleeping arrangements for you, Kylie and me in Scotland.

As you know this is just a cover, I will be out every night completing top secret missions spying on SMURF palace.

Agent Boomer further suggests a subscription to the site is made available to wiggers everywhere at a monthly subscription of 400 bananas:confused:

Sir, Yes Sir!!!! Permission to bring my slinky leather dress complete with cut-outs, thigh length boots, studded throat and wrist bands and plaited whip! I'm a crack shot with that whip, Sir, as you may recall....erm cough you know, which you may have noticed during my training :blush:
just incase an invasion of Smurfs occurs in your absence. Agent Kylie and myself need the ability to protect ourselves.... and just in case we get bored!

Andy McGregor
28th-November-2003, 03:09 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Sir, Yes Sir!!!! Permission to bring my slinky leather dress complete with cut-outs, thigh length boots, studded throat and wrist bands and plaited whip! I'm a crack shot with that whip,

..snip....

..and just in case we get bored!

GULP:what:

The price just risen to 800 bananas:waycool:

Bardsey
28th-November-2003, 03:15 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
GULP:what:

The price just risen to 800 bananas:waycool:

:rofl: :rofl: :blush: :devil:

Andy McGregor
22nd-January-2004, 03:08 AM
Status - Tomato Alert

Deep in the subterranean biotechnology and genetic engineering laboratories of Smurf they have managed to produce a 'Wriggler of Mass Destruction' or WMD for short. They have a credible cover story, they pretend they're English and have just been working in Smurf for a while. And now they're back to resume their 'normal' lives.

They're gaining our confidence by entering competitions as our dance partners, enticing us with their chemically enhanced wiggles and turning us against each other.

Do not be fooled, these WMD are just the larval stage. We have sent our agents to Smurf to investigate the adult form. So far not one of them has returned sane. The WMD are dangerous and are to be treated normally until we know more about them. Please just go along with their story and make out you believe everything they say. As new facts emerge, reports of their activities will be required to be posted here in the hollow tree.

Now is a time for us to stand shoulder to shoulder against this common menace. Pretend that you're trying to win the Blackpool Competition with the WMD but once we're there we'll show those Smurfs proper English wiggling:waycool:

ChrisA
22nd-January-2004, 03:25 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Status - Tomato Alert

Deep in the subterranean biotechnology and genetic engineering laboratories of Smurf they have managed to produce a 'Wriggler of Mass Destruction' or WMD for short.
I hereby resign my commission as High Inquisitor, Dept of Wiggling.

I cannot work for any organisation that can't even tell the difference between a WIGGLER (the pure form) and a WRIGGLER (whatever this may be).

I will not contemplate any suggestion that an ex-Scottish wiggler, of exceptional and superlative calibre, can be anything but the most genuine, original, 24-carat wiggling material.

It seems I must go freelance, and continue my efforts to encourage genuine wigglers everywhere, no matter how unlikely their origin :devil: , to take their rightful place in the Wiggldom of Dance.

Onward and Upward.

Chris

Andy McGregor
22nd-January-2004, 03:51 AM
Originally posted by ChrisA
I hereby resign my commission as High Inquisitor, Dept of Wiggling.

I cannot work for any organisation that can't even tell the difference between a WIGGLER (the pure form) and a WRIGGLER (whatever this may be).

I will not contemplate any suggestion that an ex-Scottish wiggler, of exceptional and superlative calibre, can be anything but the most genuine, original, 24-carat wiggling material.

It seems I must go freelance, and continue my efforts to encourage genuine wigglers everywhere, no matter how unlikely their origin :devil: , to take their rightful place in the Wiggldom of Dance.

Onward and Upward.

Chris

I'm afraid there is only one way to leave the service and resignation is not it.

There is a very definite difference between a 'wriggler' and a 'wiggler'. It was explained clearly in Notice 790/27b titled 'VAT Implications - Import/Export of W(r)iggles'. It is just like the difference between Whisky from Smurf and Whiskey from other countries, the spelling gives the game away.

Do not be fooled by these WMD, they keep themselves well hidden. You will never know you've got a problem until you reach the finals - and then they will start wriggling. And if they can infiltrate every couple in the final their wriggle becomes the norm and our English wiggles are consigned to the litter bin of dance to join the squins of ballroom. Don't let that happen, be strong.

I will be expecting you to report to your office as usual tomorrow. Falure to do so will result in a visit from the Enforcement Division. Although you are working so late into the night you may be due a flexi-day off:waycool:

Pammy
22nd-January-2004, 10:24 AM
Chris; onwards and upwards? I thought we only went sideways and back to front :confused:


Originally posted by Andy McGregor
to join the squins of ballroom

in those jars, on my shelves :devil:

Anyway, what would you know McG. Where were you when the wriggling was taking place at an undisclosed venue in the Ealing area last night.

There were Looms and I was wiggling and wriggling accordingly.

I think it is infact you Sir who faces further action, for failure to show your face or as we wigglers prefer to say, farce.

Pamster
x

ChrisA
22nd-January-2004, 11:05 AM
Originally posted by Pammy
Chris; onwards and upwards? I thought we only went sideways and back to front :confused:

I told you I was going freelance... :waycool: :devil:

Pammy
22nd-January-2004, 11:22 AM
Originally posted by ChrisA
I told you I was going freelance... :waycool: :devil:

Whisky, Whiskey,
Face, Farce,
Freelance, Freestyle,

it's all the same to me :confused:

Dreadful Scathe
22nd-January-2004, 11:22 AM
Originally posted by ChrisA
I hereby resign my commission as High Inquisitor, Dept of Wiggling.

ok..you ready...lets say..standard start..

Dear Sir,

It has come to my attention that you are currently on the market for an executive position. My company is dedicated to nothing more than world domination and are always on the look out for operatives (and expendable boiler suited security guards in hard hats). If interested, please forward a CV and Im sure we can arrange a brainwashing..er..interview session.

Don't type that brainwashing bit Shirley you do have a habit of taking dictation too seriously I've noticed. er..right where was I.

I think you'll find our goals are similar to your own and......hehe..we'll get all his secrets, they're so dumb these wiggle operatives they will all bow to ME...muuhahAHAHAHAHAH.

No dont type that either, that was a megolomaniac rant - Im practicing. Where were we ? oh yes, renumeration.

..the renumeration package is second to none and of course negotiable. We also provide the best in free private health care and access to a impressive gym.

your sincerely

Dreadful Scathe
Head of S.m.u.r.f

hahaha the weak kneed tofu eater is bound to turn up for the interview and WHEN HE DOES ILL BE A STEP CLOSER TO TOTAL DOMINATION MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ......indeed Shirley that was also a rant - the Temp agency recommended you as a power hungry madmans secretary. Dr. Frankenstien wasn't it ? Strictly small time, interesting guy at parties though. OK Type that up send me the draft and send the letter to that gormless fool.

Bardsey
22nd-January-2004, 12:36 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
ok..you ready...lets say..standard start..

Dear Sir,

It has come to my attention that you are currently on the market for an executive position. My company is dedicated to nothing more than world domination and are always on the look out for operatives (and expendable boiler suited security guards in hard hats). If interested, please forward a CV and Im sure we can arrange a brainwashing..er..interview session.

Don't type that brainwashing bit Shirley you do have a habit of taking dictation too seriously I've noticed. er..right where was I.

I think you'll find our goals are similar to your own and......hehe..we'll get all his secrets, they're so dumb these wiggle operatives they will all bow to ME...muuhahAHAHAHAHAH.

No dont type that either, that was a megolomaniac rant - Im practicing. Where were we ? oh yes, renumeration.

..the renumeration package is second to none and of course negotiable. We also provide the best in free private health care and access to a impressive gym.

your sincerely

Dreadful Scathe
Head of S.m.u.r.f

hahaha the weak kneed tofu eater is bound to turn up for the interview and WHEN HE DOES ILL BE A STEP CLOSER TO TOTAL DOMINATION MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ......indeed Shirley that was also a rant - the Temp agency recommended you as a power hungry madmans secretary. Dr. Frankenstien wasn't it ? Strictly small time, interesting guy at parties though. OK Type that up send me the draft and send the letter to that gormless fool.

To the High Commissioner

Re : WMD from Smurf Operation

As request, here is my report Sir. I have, as instructed, infiltrated the SMURF headquarters, posing as a temp secretary called Shirley. Please note the above letter which was dictated to me by the Head of SMURF (as you can see, I have typed up the dictation as spoken into the dictaphone, word for word, so as not to appear intelligent, thereby fitting in completely with the staff at SMURF).

I await further instructions.

Your obedient servant

The Bardster
Deep Cover Agent - Yorkshire

Pammy
22nd-January-2004, 01:14 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
The Bardster
Deep Cover Agent - Yorkshire

Deep Cover? :what: What sort of duvets do they have in Smurfville? Be careful Bardsey, it may be for a good cause, but there could be a hefty price to pay for such actions :wink:

Bardsey
22nd-January-2004, 01:42 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Deep Cover? :what: What sort of duvets do they have in Smurfville? Be careful Bardsey, it may be for a good cause, but there could be a hefty price to pay for such actions :wink:

Ah! I should be so lucky! Knowing my luck, smurfs idea of sex will be to rub noses and run three times round the mulberry bush!:blush:

Pammy
22nd-January-2004, 02:25 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
round the mulberry bush!:blush:

Mulberry - that's near Brighton isn't it :what: Such opportunities, but we are downstairs :rofl: - for once!

Andy McGregor
10th-February-2004, 10:22 AM
Originally posted by Unregistered
Lonely, slight odour of woodbines,


Is that the Virgina Creeper or the Honeysuckle:flower:


Or is it the Lupine variety of the Virgina Smoker:sick:

Pammy
10th-February-2004, 10:49 AM
Originally posted by Sheepman
give me a charcoaled sausage anyday!

I don't remember giving you the sausage, I remember you insisting on having the one that was on the floor :wink:

And Andy - is Virgina Creeper one of the loom's brothers?

Bardsey
10th-February-2004, 01:48 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
And Andy - is Virgina Creeper one of the loom's brothers?

Oh I thought it was one of the monologues :blush: just spelt wrong :rofl:

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 12:05 PM
We should've had a hollow tree printed on our 'Sters t-shirts you know...

Ouch! Watch where you're putting your elbow Bardsey! :tears:

Boomer
11th-February-2004, 12:49 PM
That wasn't Bardsey, and it wasn't her elbow.

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 12:54 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
That wasn't Bardsey, and it wasn't her elbow.

T'was too big to be your thumb though :wink: :innocent:

Wait!!! I think it might be Greg's sausage :what: :tears:

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
T'was too big to be your thumb though :wink: :innocent:

Wait!!! I think it might be Greg's sausage :what: :tears:

Oh no! Not the sausage again........:sick: Bzzzzzzzzzzz no not the same sausage. Turn it off Boomer, you're making me nervous! Dark in here, innit? OUCH!!! Gerroff!

Boomer
11th-February-2004, 01:27 PM
Ladies, I was mearly making an observation, and am in no way responsible for something prodding Pammy...and I have certainly NOT 'switched' something on:what:

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 01:31 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
Ladies, I was mearly making an observation, and am in no way responsible for something prodding Pammy...and I have certainly NOT 'switched' something on:what:

Not much good to you and me then Pamster is he? Here we are waiting in the dark for someone to "switch" us on :rofl:

Sheepman
11th-February-2004, 01:55 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
...and I have certainly NOT 'switched' something on:what: I dunno, seems to be doing something for me!

Greg

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 01:58 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
I dunno, seems to be doing something for me!

Greg

Mmph! You have all the luck, Sheepie!:tears:

Boomer
11th-February-2004, 02:11 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Mmph! You have all the luck, Sheepie!:tears:

And its nice to know my luck's just as bad!:tears:

Sheepman
11th-February-2004, 02:12 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Mmph! You have all the luck, Sheepie!:tears: Don't I know it, I'm here with you and Pammy, and who's that? Hmm, smells like Chris, well I knew it couldn't last!

Greg

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 02:24 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
Don't I know it, I'm here with you and Pammy, and who's that? Hmm, smells like Chris, well I knew it couldn't last!

Greg

I don't know! I came in here for a quiet sulk and suddenly its full! Oh well, never was one to rest on my laurels (make of that what you will, Boomer and Sheepie), may as well have a party now. I've got a bottle of red and a bottle of Galliano Pamster, what you got? I need fresh ground coffee and fresh cream to make my Galliano "blows your socks off" thingy! Guaranteed to take my mind of my sorrows :tears:

Sheepman
11th-February-2004, 02:44 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
a bottle of Galliano Pamster, what you got? The perfect food to go with it, I found it on the menu of a restaurant last night, it's a chip pizza! Yum. (On the menu as the "Pizza English".)

Greg

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 02:44 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
fresh cream

I can just about muster up a peach yoghurt - that do?

If not, Greg can at least dip his sausage in it :wink:

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 02:45 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
chip pizza!

I've heard it all now! :rofl:

Sheepman
11th-February-2004, 02:46 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
If not, Greg can at least dip his sausage in it Are you suggesting that my sausage needs extra treatment? :really:

Greg

Boomer
11th-February-2004, 02:51 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
The perfect food to go with it, I found it on the menu of a restaurant last night, it's a chip pizza! Yum. (On the menu as the "Pizza English".)

Greg

Sounds lovely, just bung an egg on it:yum:

Andy McGregor
11th-February-2004, 02:52 PM
wh..

err...

wozzatt???

(rubs eyes)

Hey I came in here for a quiet nap and now there's a funny smell, a strange buzzing noise and things sticking into me.

Hey, I've just found a button, I think it'll turn something on if we're lucky....

Shall I press it?

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 02:59 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Shall I press it?

Best shield your eyes if you do :wink:

Sheepman
11th-February-2004, 02:59 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
and now there's a funny smell, Now I never said a "funny smell" did I? I just said it smells like Chris, fresh, and clean, and MANLY, but he's not here yet, must have been you Andy, (or the chip pizza?)

No, no, don't touch that button!!!!! :really: :eek:

Greg

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 03:19 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
No, no, don't touch that button!!!!! :really: :eek:

Greg

CLICK! Oy! .... Mmmm

Andy McGregor
11th-February-2004, 03:36 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
CLICK! Oy! .... Mmmm

This button seem to be wiggling wildly, I've got to let it go before it dislocates my shoulder...

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 03:43 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
This button seem to be wiggling wildly, I've got to let it go before it dislocates my shoulder...

Well take the damn thing out then! thhhhhhplop! Hey, brill, I can hear better now, thanks Andy, I needed my ears syringing :yum:

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 03:44 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
smells like Chris, fresh, and clean, and MANLY

You know how he treats people who smell Manly... :wink:

ChrisA
11th-February-2004, 03:53 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
it smells like Chris, fresh, and clean, and MANLY
True, natch, but I'm a bit worried about how the Sheepster came by this information...

:sick: :what:

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 03:55 PM
Careful, this is what happens when you press the button :wink:

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 03:57 PM
Originally posted by ChrisA
True, natch, but I'm a bit worried about how the Sheepster came by this information...

:sick: :what:

Whilst he's giving you a (what you think is) friendly head-but, he sneaks a quick sniff........dammit Sheepy, get you're nose out of my..... oh sorry Boomer, if you must try and squeeze past on all fours, best to give warning, its dark in here you know:blush:

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 03:59 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Careful, this is what happens when you press the button :wink:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Ohmygod! Is that what it looks like in here ? anyone fancy a quick game of "bowling in the dark"?

Dreadful Scathe
11th-February-2004, 04:00 PM
hmm - what'll happen if i press this '40 degree Rinse Cycle' button.

click.

Boomer
11th-February-2004, 04:01 PM
Sorry Bardsey, I'm over here having a quick conjugation, an a apple an cream strudel for tea with my tea...can't think who else is that low to the ground...

Boomer
11th-February-2004, 04:03 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
hmm - what'll happen if i press this '40 degree Rinse Cycle' button.

click.

Answer

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 04:04 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
Sorry Bardsey, I'm over here having a quick conjugation, an a apple an cream strudel for tea with my tea...can't think who else is that low to the ground...

I think I can guess......someone just pressed the 40 degree cycle button.......have you gone blue too? ARGGHHHHHHHH we're all turning into smurfs, quick Pamster, break out the Colour Run pack and press the Rinse button

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 04:07 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
quick Pamster

It'll have to be strong stuff to rinse out us stains! :wink:

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 04:08 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
Answer

OR click here http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=606

Boomer
11th-February-2004, 04:10 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
OR click here http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=606

Alright Bardsey..tha's a 39 page thread! Which post in particular?

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 04:10 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey


forget that one, didn't work! I'm useless with that "click here" thingy :tears:

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 04:12 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
Alright Bardsey..tha's a 39 page thread! Which post in particular?

F...f...f.. flipping heck! It was the one I posted of a cat! Oh b...b....b....blinking hummer!

Sheepman
11th-February-2004, 04:15 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
Answer Re. that photo, don't you know you should never say the words "I'm gonna shave my pussy" out loud.

Greg

Deja vu, I've just looked and checked, sorry Bardsey, that WAS your joke.

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 04:19 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
Re. that photo

Talking of RE photos - sausages, balloons - point is, never stand too close to this man in the dark!!!

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 04:21 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
Open Minded ... yup. Womans Clothes..yup. Local to Brighton.. only about 10 hours drive, fairly local. What do you want me for ? :)

:yeah: Sorry SMURF but you can't impersonate our illustrious Commander McG to THAT extent....there's a little matter of the skin colour, visavis : BLUE ! You might be able to cover up your legs with the old fishnets, but the face and hat? Naah, forget it! (Bardster quickly darts back to Hollow Tree, sticking tongue out before closing door in blue face)

Andy McGregor
11th-February-2004, 04:23 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
You know how he treats people who smell Manly... :wink:

What is a 'Manly' smell. Old Spice?

Or maybe a 'manly' smell is the transferred perfume of the many women attracted by his other 'manly' features:devil:


Donner Kebab?:confused:

Boomer
11th-February-2004, 04:29 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
...Donner Kebab?:confused:

MANLY GGRRRRRRRR :waycool:

Never mind B.O.B give me the garlick sauce!

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 04:29 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Donner Kebab?:confused:

Oh yes please, I'm famished! oh sorry, thought you were offering......didn't anyone bring anything to eat? Boomer, did you eat all that apple strudel? Sheeeeepie (slowly undulates towards wooly creature, doing best impersonation of Miss Stone) got any of that Chip Pizza left?

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 04:30 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
MANLY GGRRRRRRRR :waycool:

Only when you're sharing the same sheets with the scent of an old one :wink:

Boomer
11th-February-2004, 04:33 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Oh yes please, I'm famished! oh sorry, thought you were offering......didn't anyone bring anything to eat? Boomer, did you eat all that apple strudel? ...

Scoffed the lot and licked the plate clean:yum: Pammy, that was just uncooth. Right that's all from me today, Boo-Boo has to go back into his pen, see you all tonight.:cheers:

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 04:38 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
Right that's all from me today, Boo-Boo has to go back into his pen, see you all tonight.:cheers:

Not me, you won't :tears: Still I'll be dancing at the Shed......makes a change from a Hollow Tree......really must try and find a proper dance hall one of these days.......:confused:

Pammy
11th-February-2004, 04:45 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Not me, you won't :tears: Still I'll be dancing at the Shed......makes a change from a Hollow Tree......really must try and find a proper dance hall one of these days.......:confused:

Twyford on the 26th!!! :grin:

Bardsey
11th-February-2004, 04:52 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Twyford on the 26th!!! :grin:

Not sure about that as I will probably just have had my op so will be out of dancing action.......should be okay for the MM though!

Pammy
12th-February-2004, 12:02 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
sticking tongue out before closing door in blue face)

Wait Bard's, you've caught his nose in the door! Ooohhh wait, that's not his nose :blush:

Bardsey
12th-February-2004, 12:33 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Wait Bard's, you've caught his nose in the door! Ooohhh wait, that's not his nose :blush:

Oh gross! (Gets out magnifying glass to examine more closely) mmmmmm Interesting - I've never seen a blue one before, have you Pamster? Weird or what? Wonder if it works the same way?:confused:

Pammy
12th-February-2004, 12:43 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Oh gross! (Gets out magnifying glass to examine more closely) mmmmmm Interesting - I've never seen a blue one before, have you Pamster? Weird or what? Wonder if it works the same way?:confused:

Peeps over Bardsey's shoulder - "lucky we're in daylight, magnifier or not, you'd never have seen that in the hollow tree anyway, get your hands off, if we wanna get out of here, someones got to pull it and open the door... ready?"

Pammy
12th-February-2004, 12:54 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
.......should be okay for the MM though!

wrong thread :wink:

:what: well you do mean measuring mangled's don't you :wink:

Here, you get the tape measure and I'll unroll the little blue thing, :sick: oooo, careful, looks a mighty bit sore is that 2cm? ...OOOOO wait, 2.5cm... bugger, I've snapped it in two :tears:

Dreadful Scathe
12th-February-2004, 01:21 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Peeps over Bardsey's shoulder - "lucky we're in daylight, magnifier or not, you'd never have seen that in the hollow tree anyway, get your hands off, if we wanna get out of here, someones got to pull it and open the door... ready?"

oOOW - don't you know things shrink when theyre blue ? you start pulling, it warms up and er...gets agitated and that door will come flying off its hinges :)




I have a very powerful thumb you see.

Pammy
12th-February-2004, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
you start pulling, it warms up and er...gets agitated

Are you saying Bardsey & I could agitate you into a sense of unhinging - just for the records of course :wink: :rofl:

Dreadful Scathe
12th-February-2004, 01:29 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Are you saying Bardsey & I could agitate you into a sense of unhinging - just for the records of course :wink: :rofl:

Im a practical minded man so lets try this at the Beach Ballroom :D all for the sake of science :)

Bardsey
12th-February-2004, 02:52 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
Im a practical minded man so lets try this at the Beach Ballroom :D all for the sake of science :)

Ok that's a date on the beach then (what the little blue guy doesn't realise is, that on a Scottish beach at midnight, with sub-zero temperatures will DEF. snap it off) You bring the tape measure again Pamster, I'll bring the magnifying glass and rubber gloves (don't ask Smurfy, best you don't know!) Oh b*gger, just realised, the Pamster won't be at BB......ahaaaaa I'll have you all to myself, oh blue one yuuuuuaaaaaaatries to imitate Smurfs sinister laugh and fails miserably!

Bardsey
12th-February-2004, 02:54 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Are you saying Bardsey & I could agitate you into a sense of unhinging - just for the records of course :wink: :rofl:

Now there's a novelty.......one on an hinge! (The Bardster goes into trance-like state fantasising about the possiblities of an hinged one)

Pammy
12th-February-2004, 03:10 PM
Hinge eh? For easy storage when not in use :what:

Bardsey
12th-February-2004, 03:14 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Hinge eh? For easy storage when not in use :what:

:rofl: :rofl: and there's me thinking they just tucked it round and used it as a stopper :blush: (we'd better be careful Pamster or Franck will be shoving us Upstairs)

Pammy
12th-February-2004, 04:55 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
tucked it round and used it as a stopper I]
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Ere, that Smurf's awful quiet isn't he. Didn't say tongue sani Bards - you didn't cut that off by mistake did ya? :wink:

Bardsey
12th-February-2004, 05:35 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Ere, that Smurf's awful quiet isn't he. Didn't say tongue sani Bards - you didn't cut that off by mistake did ya? :wink:

Oh Pants! Told you I had dyslexic hearing Pamst

Dreadful Scathe
12th-February-2004, 05:39 PM
hmm approprately Im busy as Im Designing Universes just the sort of megalomaniac thing a mad agent of S.M.U.R.F would do and just the sort of thing that will only mean anything to a mere handful of IT people.

read this (http://disdatawarehouse.state.ar.us/Dwnld_lib/BO_TipsTricks/Universe_Design/Resolving_traps_when_designing.pdf) but look out, its a PDF file...

whys Pammy not skinny dipping in the North Sea at 3am like the rest of us ?

Pammy
12th-February-2004, 05:44 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
read this (http://disdatawarehouse.state.ar.us/Dwnld_lib/BO_TipsTricks/Universe_Design/Resolving_traps_when_designing.pdf) but look out, its a PDF file...

whys Pammy not skinny dipping in the North Sea at 3am like the rest of us ?

DS I didn't even know you knew Paul :what: :confused:

I'll see you out by the first buoy tonight then for a quick dip :wink:

Bardsey
12th-February-2004, 05:51 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
hmm approprately Im busy as Im Designing Universes just the sort of megalomaniac thing a mad agent of S.M.U.R.F would do and just the sort of thing that will only mean anything to a mere handful of IT people.

read this (http://disdatawarehouse.state.ar.us/Dwnld_lib/BO_TipsTricks/Universe_Design/Resolving_traps_when_designing.pdf) but look out, its a PDF file...

whys Pammy not skinny dipping in the North Sea at 3am like the rest of us ?

What exceptionally exciting and interesting stuff Smurfy......NOT! Anyhow, Pammy's got better things to do than lounge about a beach in Aberdeen.

Dreadful Scathe
12th-February-2004, 05:56 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
What exceptionally exciting and interesting stuff Smurfy......NOT! Anyhow, Pammy's got better things to do than lounge about a beach in Aberdeen.

example ? ....eat a Royale with Cheese perhaps ?

Pammy
12th-February-2004, 05:56 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Pammy's got better things to do than lounge about a beach in Aberdeen.

Yeah! Too right ! :cool:
...
.
....
..
..
..
:blush: Psst, Bard's... like what? Shhhh!

Pammy
12th-February-2004, 05:57 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
example ? ....eat a Royale with Cheese perhaps ?

Not til Bard's brings the booty back and will there be enough for half each? :wink:

Bardsey
12th-February-2004, 06:00 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Not til Bard's brings the booty back and will there be enough for half each? :wink:

Oh Pamst have you so little faith? (Scoff, chomp, GULP) Errr see that little blue thing run off with the booty........errrr quick ........chase it!:what:

Pammy
12th-February-2004, 06:13 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
errrr quick ........chase it!:what:

What, the blue sausage? Does it wiggle like a worm? :what:

Bardsey
13th-February-2004, 12:21 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
What, the blue sausage? Does it wiggle like a worm? :what:

Depends what state of excitement/animation its in I suppose, but stand well back, cos it has been known to spit from time to time:rofl: :blush:

Is that Boomer up ahead? What's that he's holding in his hand? Is it?.......could it be?........ naaaaa too long and wiggly and not neary blue enough!

Pammy
13th-February-2004, 12:27 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
What's that he's holding in his hand? Is it?.......could it be?

I think it's a Wichitee grub... :tears: :tears: :tears:

Boomer
13th-February-2004, 12:56 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
I think it's a Wichitee grub... :tears: :tears: :tears:

there is nothing wee or titchy 'bout my grub than you very much!

Bardsey
13th-February-2004, 01:20 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
there is nothing wee or titchy 'bout my grub than you very much!

Yeah, well we only have your word for that! In a stage whisper Quick Pamster you grab him and hold him down, whilst I check to see if he's telling porkies

Pammy
13th-February-2004, 01:21 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
there is nothing wee or titchy 'bout my grub than you very much!

grub, grubby, twitchy :tears: all the same to me :tears: :tears:

Jurasell
4th-May-2004, 11:37 AM
Squirrels

Bardsey
4th-May-2004, 11:49 AM
Originally posted by Jurasell
Squirrels

I can't open this. :tears:

Sheepman
4th-May-2004, 12:22 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
I can't open this. :tears: Neither can I, but if I save it, and then open it from where I've saved it, it works fine.
:rofl:

Greg

Boomer
5th-May-2004, 01:28 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
I can't open this. :tears:
Shame, its really good :grin:

Dreadful Scathe
5th-May-2004, 02:11 PM
squirrel.mp3 - short and to the point

just like boomers grub really :)

Boomer
5th-May-2004, 02:15 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
squirrel.mp3 - short and to the point

just like boomers grub really :)
Absolutley, fetch a plate, pile it up and quality be damned. I'm not known as the king of the buffet mealdeal for nothing you know :grin:

As a note, I am fully aware of the 'Carry-On-Smurfey' nature of the above quoted 'post', but have chosen to ignore it. As I chose to ignore something Fran said on sunday. Bill will serve as a witness.

Bardsey
5th-May-2004, 02:15 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
squirrel.mp3 - short and to the point

just like boomers grub really :)

I'd still like to see it. I've tried all ways, saving it first etc, but nothing works, only the audio

Boomer
5th-May-2004, 02:16 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
I'd still like to see it. I've tried all ways, ...
:what:


Originally posted by Bardsey
...but nothing works, only the audio
Bardsey, you're doing nothing wrong - its an mp3, audio only.

Bardsey
5th-May-2004, 02:19 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
:what:

The squirrels, not your grub...........I've heard all about your grub, believe me :rofl:

Bardsey
5th-May-2004, 02:33 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
:Bardsey, you're doing nothing wrong - its an mp3, audio only.

:blush: snorts with supressed laughter Ooops showing my TDA now (technically defunct ability) I thought mp3 just stood for a pic symbol like bitmap and jpeg. :blush:

Dreadful Scathe
5th-May-2004, 02:36 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
I'd still like to see it. I've tried all ways, saving it first etc, but nothing works, only the audio


You should be seeing a full holographic dancing squirrel, not unlike the hologram projections in star wars but funnier. You must be missing a plug-in. Go to your fridge and see if its in there, then go to www.b3ta.com and have a laugh :)

Bardsey
5th-May-2004, 02:47 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
You should be seeing a full holographic dancing squirrel, not unlike the hologram projections in star wars but funnier. You must be missing a plug-in. Go to your fridge and see if its in there, then go to www.b3ta.com and have a laugh :)

I loved that site, especially the I Love Death thing.......very funny!

under par
6th-May-2004, 10:18 AM
Excuse my ignorance but can any sane person tell me what this thread is all about?:confused:

ChrisA
6th-May-2004, 10:22 AM
Originally posted by under par
Excuse my ignorance but can any sane person tell me what this thread is all about?:confused: Sane person? I doubt it.

As for the rest of us, we could tell you, but then we'd have to let the squirrels have you... :what: :really:

under par
6th-May-2004, 10:34 AM
Originally posted by ChrisA
Sane person? I doubt it.

As for the rest of us, we could tell you, but then we'd have to let the squirrels have you... :what: :really:

I'm still not enlightened:confused:

ChrisA
6th-May-2004, 10:51 AM
Originally posted by under par
I'm still not enlightened:confused: Ah, Glasshopper, for enlightenment, you have but one path to tread.

Deep, deep, back through the mists of time you must go. Before momentous events such as the Ceroc Champs. Even further into prehistory and before the Blackpool War.

And you must study. Study hard, sift through the yellowed documents from yesteryear....

It all started

here (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1827)

under par
6th-May-2004, 11:05 AM
I must be a seriously dim halfwit and will wait for the half wit version of the idiot version to be placed in the library so a.n.other can read it to me.

Pammy
6th-May-2004, 11:14 AM
Originally posted by under par
I must be a seriously dim halfwit and will wait for the half wit version of the idiot version to be placed in the library so a.n.other can read it to me.

Oh don't worry about the formalities of it all, or is that forumities? :what: All that counts is that you're on here, and like a magnet it is as once here, you'll never escape :sick:

Now, be a good lad and pass the candle... :grin:

under par
6th-May-2004, 11:16 AM
Originally posted by Pammy

Now, be a good lad and pass the candle... :grin:

to whom?:devil:

Pammy
6th-May-2004, 11:17 AM
Originally posted by under par
to whom?:devil:

If you say "Grab a hold of this?!", we'll see who takes you up on the offer :wink:

Now where's Bardsey when you need her :rofl:

Although you'll probably find Andy McGregor will pip her to the post :wink:

Andy McGregor
6th-May-2004, 11:18 AM
Originally posted by under par
I must be a seriously dim halfwit and will wait for the half wit version of the idiot version to be placed in the library so a.n.other can read it to me.

We'd need to find someone really clever to increase the intellectual content to 'half-wit'. We're still measuring our wit in fractions of a percent.

Pammy
6th-May-2004, 11:19 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
We'd need to find someone really clever to increase the intellectual content to 'half-wit'. We're still measuring our wit in fractions of a percent.

See, told you he was in here! :rofl:

Andy McGregor
6th-May-2004, 11:20 AM
Originally posted by Pammy
Now, be a good lad and pass the candle... :grin:

There's a candle in here:confused: Anyone ever thought to light it...

Pammy
6th-May-2004, 11:23 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
There's a candle in here:confused: Anyone ever thought to light it...

Thinking? :what:

In here? :innocent:

Nah! :wink:

under par
6th-May-2004, 11:27 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
There's a candle in here:confused: Anyone ever thought to light it...

Now I know the competititin I do not feel like a half wit any more with Andy in there I will light the candle and provide batteries for the torch and if required turn the hamsters wheel for generation of power for te laptop!:whistle:

Pammy
6th-May-2004, 11:34 AM
Originally posted by under par
Now I know the competititin I do not feel like a half wit any more with Andy in there I will light the candle and provide batteries for the torch and if required turn the hamsters wheel for generation of power for te laptop!:whistle:

Heyyyyy, and we're in business ! :grin:

Lights, camera, action - they'll have us filming for the BBC at the Champs next - oh, hang on, wait a minute, they couldn't afford us could they ? :rofl:

under par
6th-May-2004, 11:38 AM
Originally posted by Pammy
Heyyyyy, and we're in business ! :grin:

Lights, camera, action - they'll have us filming for the BBC at the Champs next - oh, hang on, wait a minute, they couldn't afford us could they ? :rofl:

You are so right!

Gadget
6th-May-2004, 12:11 PM
Originally posted by under par
I must be a seriously dim halfwit and will wait for the half wit version of the idiot version to be placed in the library so a.n.other can read it to me.
When did we get a library put in? And will someone shine the light towards those strange sounds....:what:

under par
6th-May-2004, 12:25 PM
THE BATTERIES HAVE RUN DOWN BUT THE CANDLE IS STILL DIMLY ILLUMINATING SOMETHING IN THE CORNER WHERE THE NOISE EMINATE FROM!:whistle:

Bardsey
6th-May-2004, 01:00 PM
Candles? Batteries? 'kin h*ll did someone do a refurb whilst my back was turned.........OI steady on with that candle wax, its still hot you know.

Can I smell perfume? Oh you still in here Andy? Seen Pamster?

Sheepman
17th-June-2004, 12:45 PM
Ahhhh, that's better, I never thought I'd come in here for peace and quiet, but all that commotion upstairs . . .
nice to have the lights off again, after that assault on the eyes, greens, blues and pinks.

The bubbly was nice though.

zzzzzzzzzzz

Bardsey
18th-June-2004, 01:38 PM
Ahhhh, that's better, I never thought I'd come in here for peace and quiet, but all that commotion upstairs . . .
nice to have the lights off again, after that assault on the eyes, greens, blues and pinks.

The bubbly was nice though.

zzzzzzzzzzz

Can I come in with you? Somebody mentioned sn... sna...... err 'orrible slinky things, upstairs and I'm scared! :eek:

Sparkles
18th-June-2004, 03:12 PM
I'm confused. One minute everyone's upstairs, the next they're downstairs...
maybe they're trying to lose me? sob ... sniff....

Bardsey
18th-June-2004, 03:17 PM
I'm confused. One minute everyone's upstairs, the next they're downstairs...
maybe they're trying to lose me? sob ... sniff....

No, no its just quiet and peaceful down here (not to mention very, very dark). You have to be clothed though, cos of spiders and other things, which I won't go into, touching you :eek:

Sparkles
18th-June-2004, 03:21 PM
No, no its just quiet and peaceful down here (not to mention very, very dark). You have to be clothed though, cos of spiders and other things, which I won't go into, touching you :eek:

Oops, sorry, didn't mean to bump into you. Glad I wrapped up warm, it's a bit chilly down here. Hopefully there's be safety in numbers ... if we stand back to back we can defend each other, what do you reckon?

Dreadful Scathe
18th-June-2004, 03:22 PM
...Dreadful Scathe runs naked through the room and dives out the window chased by spiders.......

Sparkles
18th-June-2004, 03:29 PM
...Dreadful Scathe runs naked through the room and dives out the window chased by spiders.......

Quick, everyone, he's escaping! After him!
Where's Andy when you need him?!

Sheepman
18th-June-2004, 03:42 PM
...Dreadful Scathe runs naked through the room and dives out the window chased by spiders....... Though unfortunately for him, he forgets that there are no windows downstairs . . .

Andy McGregor
18th-June-2004, 03:48 PM
Though unfortunately for him, he forgets that there are no windows downstairs . . .

I knew those Smurf traps disguised as windows would do the trick. Now, do we release this Smurf back into the wild - minus his squins:sick: Or do we hold it to ransom until Gadget learns how to spell:wink:

Bardsey
18th-June-2004, 03:51 PM
I knew those Smurf traps disguised as windows would do the trick. Now, do we release this Smurf back into the wild - minus his squins:sick: Or do we hold it to ransom until Gadget learns how to spell:wink:

Don't know, but for Christ sake Andy, help me out of this spiders outfit, its stifling in here!

Andy McGregor
18th-June-2004, 03:56 PM
Don't know, but for Christ sake Andy, help me out of this spiders outfit, its stifling in here!

That's the kind of thing no hot-blooded male needs to be asked twice:wink:

Are there any in here?:confused:

Bardsey
18th-June-2004, 04:00 PM
Are there any in here?:confused:

Damn! You beat me to it! :rofl:

Bardsey
18th-June-2004, 04:02 PM
By the way, has anyone noticed my new avatar? Thought I'd show myself in all my full glory.......comes in useful, being able to fly, I can do overhead reccie's to spy out the SMURF whereabouts etc.

Sparkles
18th-June-2004, 04:13 PM
By the way, has anyone noticed my new avatar? Thought I'd show myself in all my full glory.......comes in useful, being able to fly, I can do overhead reccie's to spy out the SMURF whereabouts etc.

I love it - the wings are very you!
Have you not read your rep comments lately???
S. x

Bardsey
18th-June-2004, 04:19 PM
I love it - the wings are very you!
Have you not read your rep comments lately???

S. x

Oh just looked! Thanks Sparkles (and Greg and the unsigned one, as well)

How many reps do you need to gain another green box?

I keep trying to give reps to people, but because I've repped them in the past it tells me (politely) to p*ss off! How do you manage to do it Greg and Andy?

Pammy
18th-June-2004, 04:22 PM
tells me (politely) to p*ss off! How do you manage to do it Greg and Andy?

Yes, I've had that problem.

P
x

Sheepman
18th-June-2004, 04:37 PM
How do you manage to do it Greg and Andy? Just put it about far and wide, whenever you :grin:

:flower:

Bardsey
18th-June-2004, 04:39 PM
Just put it about far and wide, whenever you :grin:

:flower:

but I've been putting it about........oh sorry, you mean rep points :blush: :D

Sheepman
18th-June-2004, 04:51 PM
but ........ That's just blatant, but I'm sorry, I can't give you another one right now. (Careful, we're downstairs!)

Greg

Bardsey
18th-June-2004, 04:58 PM
(Careful, we're downstairs!)

Greg

Oops forgot :rofl: :blush:

Andy McGregor
18th-June-2004, 05:07 PM
I keep trying to give reps to people, but because I've repped them in the past it tells me (politely) to p*ss off! How do you manage to do it Greg and Andy?

I keep giving loads of people positive reps if I like their posts. I've been told I've given too many in a 24 hour period a few times. I think that number is 10 reps in 24 hours. Also, I think you need to have given 15 reps before you can rep the same person again.

Gadget
18th-June-2004, 05:12 PM
...Or do we hold it to ransom until Gadget learns how to spell:wink:oh well... nice to know you, little blue one. :tears:

MY GOD {:wink:} look at the size of that spider!... it dosn't seem to be moving...

Andy McGregor
18th-June-2004, 05:20 PM
dosn't

I was just wondering, what is the life expectancy of a Smurf?:devil:

Sparkles
19th-June-2004, 12:28 AM
I was just wondering, what is the life expectancy of a Smurf?:devil:

It depends who has hold of his hat at the time!

Dreadful Scathe
19th-June-2004, 12:35 AM
Or do we hold it to ransom until Gadget learns how to spell:wink:


oooh..bugger (http://www.amnesty.org/)

Lynn
20th-June-2004, 07:41 PM
OK - there are now 13 spiders crawling about - and it seems to be pretty scary up there on the decking too... I'll just come downstairs... Awfully dark in here isn't it? What was that noise? :what:

Pammy
21st-June-2004, 09:24 AM
OK - there are now 13 spiders crawling about - and it seems to be pretty scary up there on the decking too... I'll just come downstairs... Awfully dark in here isn't it? What was that noise? :what:

It's raining false finger nails I think. Nope, actually it's pouring, GET INSIDE EVERYONE!

Lynn
21st-June-2004, 09:36 AM
It's raining false finger nails I think. Nope, actually it's pouring, GET INSIDE EVERYONE! That's why its so loud then, thought it was a hailstorm but its a nailstorm.

Dreadful Scathe
21st-June-2004, 09:37 AM
GET INSIDE EVERYONE!
The calling cry of the male grey haired louche ?

Bardsey
21st-June-2004, 11:37 AM
It's raining false finger nails I think. Nope, actually it's pouring, GET INSIDE EVERYONE!

:rofl: :rofl: Its okay for you, I was finding them in the bed!!!!

Pammy
21st-June-2004, 12:20 PM
:rofl: :rofl: Its okay for you, I was finding them in the bed!!!!

WANTED:-

New home for 2nd hand nail.
One careful owner.
Excellent paintwork.
2004 model.
Hardly been worn.
Could make up a complete set.
Any sensible offers considered...

Bardsey
21st-June-2004, 12:29 PM
WANTED:-

New home for 2nd hand nail.
One careful owner.
Excellent paintwork.
2004 model.
Hardly been worn.
Could make up a complete set.
Any sensible offers considered...

With reference to your advert for a 2nd hand nail, would you consider an exchange? I have part of a wig made from Gorilla hands. Excellent condition with the added advantage of full service history. Famous for causing extreme shock to local shopkeeper!

Dreadful Scathe
21st-June-2004, 12:31 PM
With reference to your advert for a 2nd hand nail, would you consider an exchange? I have part of a wig made from Gorilla hands. Excellent condition with the added advantage of full service history. Famous for causing extreme shock to local shopkeeper!
this demands to be put on ebay :)

Pammy
21st-June-2004, 01:07 PM
Wait, what was that flash????

Oh, don't panic, it's only David Bailey...

Bardsey
21st-June-2004, 01:20 PM
Wait, what was that flash????

Oh, don't panic, it's only David Bailey...

Oh Gawd! I must have been drunker than I thought......I don't remember any trees in your lounge :confused: And how did Diana Dors get in on the act? :rofl:

Sheepman
21st-June-2004, 01:40 PM
WANTED:-

New home for 2nd hand nail.I see you attached a thumbnail :wink: :sick:

Has anybody found any blue ones yet?

Greg

Boomer
21st-June-2004, 06:43 PM
Wait, what was that flash????

Oh, don't panic, it's only David Bailey...

I say! Who is that dashing stud-muffin on the right!?!
:waycool:

Andy McGregor
21st-June-2004, 07:02 PM
I say! Who is that dashing stud-muffin on the right!?!
:waycool:

That's Tony Blair..

..although I wouldn't call him a stud muffin :whistle:

Lynn
21st-June-2004, 09:54 PM
Just had a peep at 'who's online' and noticed that one of those pesky spiders is looking into the Hollow Tree at this very moment. :tears: Time to hide behind Andy again...

Andy McGregor
21st-June-2004, 09:58 PM
Just had a peep at 'who's online' and noticed that one of those pesky spiders is looking into the Hollow Tree at this very moment. :tears: Time to hide behind Andy again...

How did you know I was here in the dark? Is it my sexy after-shave or my animal magnetism. Hey spiders, that 'animal' not arachno-magnetism.

You just stand behind me Lynn, I'm not scared of those spiders :whistle:

They are a bit big though :eek:

Lynn
21st-June-2004, 10:04 PM
Yup - it was the aftershave - hopefully it also works as an insect repellant... cos I think they are trying to get in :eek:

Andy McGregor
21st-June-2004, 11:19 PM
Yup - it was the aftershave - hopefully it also works as an insect repellant... cos I think they are trying to get in :eek:

Don't worry, my after shave works with all insects..

...OH MY GOD!!! I just remembered, spiders aren't insects :eek:

Pammy
22nd-June-2004, 09:14 AM
That's Tony Blair..
[/SIZE]

Diana Dors, Tony & Blair and Steve Martin in one photo - how odd... :innocent:

Bardsey
22nd-June-2004, 10:33 AM
I say! Who is that dashing stud-muffin on the right!?!
:waycool:

Pardon e mois! But I seenk you vill find that it is mois, Pierre Paysanski.......Sacre Bleu...I have zee photo back to front !!!!

Bardsey
22nd-June-2004, 10:35 AM
...OH MY GOD!!! I just remembered, spiders aren't insects :eek:

Don't worry Commander, it's only me in my spider outfit again, just searching for SMURFS

Lynn
22nd-June-2004, 10:45 AM
Don't worry Commander, it's only me in my spider outfit again, just searching for SMURFS Ah - you have your wings tucked into your costume... You gave me a fright there!

Bardsey
22nd-June-2004, 10:51 AM
Ah - you have your wings tucked into your costume... You gave me a fright there!

Ooops sorry Lynn, forgot you didn't know I was a shape-changer........didn't you see me in Return of the King? I was Shelob, the giant spider :whistle:

Lynn
22nd-June-2004, 11:07 AM
Ooops sorry Lynn, forgot you didn't know I was a shape-changer........didn't you see me in Return of the King? I was Shelob, the giant spider :whistle: :really: :eek: :tears: You're scary!

Bardsey
22nd-June-2004, 11:10 AM
:really: :eek: :tears: You're scary!

Yes, but only to our enemies.......I'm a little angel to my pals :rofl:

Pammy
22nd-June-2004, 11:57 AM
Yes, but only to our enemies.......I'm a little angel to my pals :rofl:

I dunno, that avatar of yours really is lacking something.... hmmmm, I just can't put my finger on what it is..... :wink:

Bardsey
22nd-June-2004, 12:01 PM
I dunno, that avatar of yours really is lacking something.... hmmmm, I just can't put my finger on what it is..... :wink:

Oh no, no, no Pammy! Don't even think about it!!!!

Bardsey
22nd-June-2004, 12:07 PM
BLUE ALERT! BLUE ALERT! All agents to their posts......the SMURFS have found a way in!!!!

Pammy
22nd-June-2004, 12:07 PM
Oh no, no, no Pammy! Don't even think about it!!!!

I just can't think of it, oh, hold on you've given me a clue...

a bird in the hand is worth two in the ....

Hmmm, nope, still can't get that last word :rolleyes:

Bardsey
22nd-June-2004, 12:12 PM
I just can't think of it, oh, hold on you've given me a clue...

a bird in the hand is worth two in the ....

Hmmm, nope, still can't get that last word :rolleyes:

You're evil, you know that? Wicked and evil ! :rofl: :rofl:

Pammy
22nd-June-2004, 12:25 PM
You're evil, you know that? Wicked and evil ! :rofl: :rofl:

Standing next to Tony Blair I'd have to be.

Wait, does that make me Cherie :what: :sad: :tears:

Boomer
22nd-June-2004, 06:54 PM
Standing next to Tony Blair I'd have to be.

Wait, does that make me Cherie :what: :sad: :tears:

Lionel? :na:

Pammy
23rd-June-2004, 09:12 AM
Lionel? :na:

Give us a clue?

Sparkles
23rd-June-2004, 10:10 AM
Give us a clue?

Please tell me the jokes get better than this?! :wink:

Pammy
23rd-June-2004, 10:48 AM
Please tell me the jokes get better than this?! :wink:

Seldomly :blush:, but on rare occasions, yes :grin: .

All I can say is, live in hope, Una.

Sparkles
23rd-June-2004, 11:54 AM
Seldomly :blush:, but on rare occasions, yes :grin: .

All I can say is, live in hope, Una.

:clap: :clap: :clap:

Bardsey
23rd-June-2004, 12:17 PM
Lionel? :na:

:worthy: :clap: :rofl: :rofl: Ah so that's why she was tap dancing on Saturday.....I told her to be careful or she'd slip and crack her head in the sink! (Oh the oldies are the best!) :rofl:

Andy McGregor
23rd-June-2004, 12:29 PM
BLUE ALERT! BLUE ALERT! All agents to their posts......the SMURFS have found a way in!!!!

Thank goodness that trap cought them. As we all know, Smurfs can't resist trying to correct bad puntuation. I expect we'll find a load of Smurfs with felt-tip pens at the bottom of that hole:innocent:

N.B. The sign should, of course, say "YOU'RE" and not "YOUR".

Dreadful Scathe
23rd-June-2004, 12:31 PM
congratulations you just fell in the pedant catching hole :) prepare to be beaten up by hordes of smurfs :)

Bardsey
23rd-June-2004, 12:45 PM
prepare to be beaten up by hordes of smurfs :)

We always said you were a load of hordes :blush: :D

Sheepman
23rd-June-2004, 01:27 PM
N.B. The sign should, of course, say "YOU'RE" and not "YOUR". You see Andy, I told you that spelling it out would make them break cover!

(It was all a deviously devised plan to cover up the latrine and make it look like an obvious smurf trap, I wonder if anyone really got caught :sick: )

Greg

Bardsey
23rd-June-2004, 01:40 PM
(It was all a deviously devised plan to cover up the latrine and make it look like an obvious smurf trap, I wonder if anyone really got caught :sick: )

Greg

As Pammy discovered earlier, Smurfs have no sense of smell, so it wasn't the latrines that attracted them, so must have been their inherent nosiness.

Go on Sheepie, go take a peek and see if anythings down there...... I'll stay back here and keep a look out :whistle: Bardster retreats to safe distance, trying to adopt a look of nonchalant bravery

Sheepman
23rd-June-2004, 03:38 PM
OK, just pass me a match so I can peer into the darkness . . .

Andy McGregor
23rd-June-2004, 03:46 PM
OK, just pass me a match so I can peer into the darkness . . .

'I Believe In A Thing Called Love'

Bardsey
23rd-June-2004, 03:53 PM
OK, just pass me a match so I can peer into the darkness . . .


The Darkness? Oh great I like them! But Sheepie, please, stay away from that hole with a naked flame (no, I don't mean an ex-girlfriend with no clothes on!). There could be toxic gases down there, especially if the little blue things have been having a party!

Sheepman
23rd-June-2004, 04:06 PM
There could be toxic gases down there, Oooh - too late, You've heard of the cow that jumped over the moon? It's time to update the rhyme. Weeeeeeeee . . . .

Pammy
23rd-June-2004, 04:07 PM
Weeeeeeeee . . . .

ahhhh, the explosion was too much for his weak bladder .... :rolleyes: hope he changes his trousers before Saturday!

Bardsey
23rd-June-2004, 04:12 PM
ahhhh, the explosion was too much for his weak bladder .... :rolleyes hope he changes his trousers before Saturday!

Oh that's too baaaaa..d :blush: sorry

Pammy
13th-December-2004, 11:35 AM
Lurkers of the Hollow Tree would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Yes, we are all still here. We may have earnt extra rations of candles being as it's Christmas. Bardsey was blaming the darkness for always getting her shoes on the wrong feet. Of course, she then discovered she'd got two left shoes for £1 at Matalan :devil:

I say Andy, that's a festive bauble your wearing :innocent: :blush:

Bardsey
13th-December-2004, 01:20 PM
Lurkers of the Hollow Tree would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Yes, we are all still here. We may have earnt extra rations of candles being as it's Christmas. Bardsey was blaming the darkness for always getting her shoes on the wrong feet. Of course, she then discovered she'd got two left shoes for £1 at Matalan :devil:

:rofl: :rofl: Forgot to tell you, took them back and got my £1 back


I say Andy, that's a festive bauble your wearing :innocent: :blush:

Where have you got your hand Pamster? I've just had a feel for his baubles and I can feel two :innocent:

Pammy
13th-December-2004, 01:24 PM
Where have you got your hand Pamster? I've just had a feel for his baubles and I can feel two :innocent:

Large, or small...

Bardsey
13th-December-2004, 01:32 PM
Large, or small...

Oh definitely small........I can cup them both in one hand :devil:

Pammy
13th-December-2004, 01:40 PM
Suddenly I'm reminded of an old story about plums, or was that prunes :confused:

Father Christmas
13th-December-2004, 02:03 PM
"You reindeers just wait on the decking up here, I'll pop down into this nice warm hollow tree and read these lists of presents".

Hmm, let me see.

Pammy

Longer legs.
Glittery shoes.
Glittery clothes.
Glittery duvet cover.
Glittery lampshade.
Glittery boyfriend.

Andy

Longer legs.
Kylie.

Sheena

Anything so long as it glitters
.. and shoes, lots of shoes.

Gus

To dance like Nigel.
To have Hipsters in Manchester.

Franck

A real job.

The Tramp

The Maverics for tea.
Hair.

Gadget

Dickshonary
Ceroc book of moves.

Ceroc Jock

New Arse.

Dance Demon

I need for nothing, my life is perfect.

Drathzel

To meet RobC.

RobC

A real live girlfriend.
To dance in a competition without Andy.
A date with Sparkles.

Lory

X-ray camera.
Glittery underwear.

Emma

To be loved.

Bardsey

Peace on Earth
A weekend with George Cluny

Under Par

Whatever Sharon wants.

DavidB

Whatever Lily buys me will be perfect.

MinnieM

New Laptop
Young boyfriend
A diet that works.

Sheepman

A new wig.
A new competition outfit.
To win the Old Gits.

Mrs Sheepman

To see my husband without having to dance.

Divissima

Glittery shoes
Very glittery shoes
Shoes that have their own internal light source.

Rachel

Dresses.

Jayne

Chris in Colourful clothes.
Chocolate.

Gordon J Pownall

I'd like to be Adam Nathanson for a day.
Or Virginia for an hour.

Zebra Woman

Every man I've ever danced with, naked, carrying chocolate.
A yacht in Cannes with my favourite dancers as crew - naked.

Sparkles

A date with RobC.
A dance with Andy McG.
Glittery, glitter with extra glitter.

Boomer

To remember my password and be able to post again.

Martin Harper

For someone, somewhere to love me and understand me.

ChrisA

Black clothes.
Gold glittery boxer shorts
To be everything Jayne wants.

Lounge Lizard

New tunes that nobody's ever heard.

Dreadful Scathe

World domination.
Everything.
To be able to wiggle properly.

Wow, these people want so much glitter.

Was that a noise, did I hear some bleating? Was that a glittery stilletto I saw out of the corner of my eye? Was that something small and blue wiggling badly? Who's got hold of me?

Help, they're tying me to a chair. Whoever you are, you can't do this, what about the children of the world, who'll deliver their presents?

Help!

ChrisA
13th-December-2004, 03:57 PM
ChrisA

Black clothes.
Gold glittery boxer shorts
To be everything Jayne wants.


Oi !!!!

You should have gone to Specsavers, Santa...

... that's last year's list :waycool:

Sparkles
13th-December-2004, 04:08 PM
Oi !!!!

You should have gone to Specsavers, Santa...

... that's last year's list :waycool:
OK, so enlighten us, ChrisA, what's this year's list? :cool:
S. x

ChrisA
13th-December-2004, 04:26 PM
OK, so enlighten us, ChrisA, what's this year's list? :cool:

Do I need one, now that I have six wives and mistletoe? :innocent:

Sparkles
13th-December-2004, 04:29 PM
Do I need one, now that I have six wives and mistletoe? :innocent:
Just out of curiosity, do you know who all of your six wives are???

ChrisA
13th-December-2004, 04:36 PM
Just out of curiosity, do you know who all of your six wives are???

Er, I can remember who five of them are. :waycool:

1,2,3,4 and 6 in fact.

Would #5 mind making herself known? :blush:

Andy McGregor
13th-December-2004, 04:53 PM
Would #5 mind making herself known? :blush:


:whistle:

ChrisA
13th-December-2004, 04:59 PM
:whistle:

In your dreams, mate :rofl:

Pammy
13th-December-2004, 05:46 PM
I've totted up and you're right, who is number five?

Bring on this mysterious challenger... :devil:

Bardsey
14th-December-2004, 03:48 PM
"You reindeers just wait on the decking up here, I'll pop down into this nice warm hollow tree and read these lists of presents".

Hmm, let me see.


Bardsey

Peace on Earth
A weekend with George Cluny



Oh THANK YOU Santa! What more could a girl ask for? Well, perhaps a month with GC :devil:

Father Christmas
14th-December-2004, 05:38 PM
Oh THANK YOU Santa! What more could a girl ask for? Well, perhaps a month with GC :devil:

At the moment you won't even get your weekend with GC. I'm still tied up in the the dark in this hollow tree :tears: At least they're feeding me my usual diet of mince pies and sherry :flower:

Am I being held to ransom? I can see everything and I know I'm receiving negative reputation comments like "Bah Humbug" :tears: You are forgiven you naughty, naughty boy :wink:

Lynn
14th-December-2004, 05:45 PM
At the moment you won't even get your weekend with GC. I'm still tied up in the the dark in this hollow tree :tears: At least they're feeding me my usual diet of mince pies and sherry :flower: OK, why is Santa tied up again? And I missed my lunch - can I have one of those mince pies, umm, looking at them.... maybe not...

Father Christmas
14th-December-2004, 05:52 PM
OK, why is Santa tied up again? And I missed my lunch - can I have one of those mince pies, umm, looking at them.... maybe not...

Oh don't worry about that black: it's just soot, an occupational hazard in my line of work.

Any chance of helping untie these ropes, I might even slip George Cluny in your stocking :wink:

Ahh, that's better, now little girl, come and sit on my knee and tell me what you'd like for Christmas. I'm afraid 'Peace on Earth' has already gone - how about a nice glittery top instead :flower:

Lynn
14th-December-2004, 05:55 PM
Ahh, that's better, now little girl, come and sit on my knee and tell me what you'd like for Christmas. I'm afraid 'Peace on Earth' has already gone - how about a nice glittery top instead :flower: Only one? :tears: Well, if I can have glittery shoes too...

Father Christmas
14th-December-2004, 05:59 PM
Only one? :tears: Well, if I can have glittery shoes too...

I'll have to get them specially made as you've got such narrow feet. I'm sure one of my elves will help. How about a nice glittery red pair to go with the top?

Lynn
14th-December-2004, 06:16 PM
I'll have to get them specially made as you've got such narrow feet. I'm sure one of my elves will help. How about a nice glittery red pair to go with the top? Yes please!

:clap: Jumps up and down with excitement clapping hands! :clap:

Oops, nearly fell out of the tree!

Pammy
15th-December-2004, 10:41 AM
George Cluny :flower:

Is he one of those George Clooney look-a-likes? You know the ones who look nothing like the person they're supposed to be, other than a similar name. Maybe he's similar to Martin Clunes? :wink:

Andy McGregor
15th-December-2004, 10:55 AM
Is he one of those George Clooney look-a-likes? You know the ones who look nothing like the person they're supposed to be, other than a similar name. Maybe he's similar to Martin Clunes? :wink:

This means I could never become a GC lookalike - because I'm too much like him :devil:

under par
15th-December-2004, 01:35 PM
Is he one of those George Clooney look-a-likes? You know the ones who look nothing like the person they're supposed to be, other than a similar name. Maybe he's similar to Martin Clunes? :wink:


Who is this George C. Looney sounds American to me. :whistle:

Bardsey
15th-December-2004, 02:12 PM
Who is this George C. Looney sounds American to me. :whistle:

Who cares what he sounds like? I'm not interested in his voice.........well unless he can talk Italian in a very sexy voice :devil:

under par
15th-December-2004, 02:17 PM
Who cares what he sounds like? I'm not interested in his voice.........well unless he can talk Italian in a very sexy voice :devil:


"spaghettii.....lasagne..pizza.....minestrone....ri gatoni......A.C. Milan....Juventus.......Napoli..." :flower: :yeah:

Bardsey
15th-December-2004, 02:24 PM
"spaghettii.....lasagne..pizza.....minestrone....ri gatoni......A.C. Milan....Juventus.......Napoli..." :flower: :yeah:

Stop! Stop! moans Okay UP the job's yours! When can you come round? :rofl:

under par
15th-December-2004, 02:39 PM
Stop! Stop! moans Okay UP the job's yours! When can you come round? :rofl:

I could be UP your way by Christmas day!!!!
:hug: :yeah: "linguini...... parma ham.....sicily.......tagliatelli.........sampdoria"

Pammy
15th-December-2004, 02:44 PM
I could be UP your way by Christmas day!!!!
:hug: :yeah: "linguini...... parma ham.....sicily.......tagliatelli.........sampdoria"

If you want to impress Bardsey with your Italian, in my experience just say "bread". :whistle: :devil:

Bardsey
15th-December-2004, 02:47 PM
I could be UP your way by Christmas day!!!!
:hug: :yeah: "linguini...... parma ham.....sicily.......tagliatelli.........sampdoria"

:clap: :clap: Bring it on!!! err.....what's sampdoria? :confused:

Bardsey
15th-December-2004, 02:48 PM
If you want to impress Bardsey with your Italian, in my experience just say "bread". :whistle: :devil:

:rofl: :rofl: although ciabatta would do just as well :rofl:

under par
15th-December-2004, 02:54 PM
:clap: :clap: Bring it on!!! err.....what's sampdoria? :confused:

a football team....sorry.......... I'm a bloke
:confused:

Bardsey
15th-December-2004, 02:59 PM
I'm a bloke
:confused:

You can say that again phew ! can't disguise that, even when you wear a tutu and leopard skin top!! :hug:

under par
15th-December-2004, 03:14 PM
You can say that again phew ! can't disguise that, even when you wear a tutu and leopard skin top!! :hug:


I''m surpriised you failed to mention the tutu was garish pink :blush: :blush: :blush:

Lynn
15th-December-2004, 03:16 PM
I''m surpriised you failed to mention the tutu was garish pink :blush: :blush: :blush: Oh I have one of those, we could wear matching outfits and no-one would be able to tell us apart!

(Of course I haven't worn it since I was 5, it might be a little small!)

Bardsey
15th-December-2004, 03:17 PM
I''m surpriised you failed to mention the tutu was garish pink :blush: :blush: :blush:

I don't think it mattered what colour it was, but the mere fact that you wore one :rofl: (Hey, nice legs by the way!)

Bardsey
15th-December-2004, 03:18 PM
Oh I have one of those, we could wear matching outfits and no-one would be able to tell us apart!

(Of course I haven't worn it since I was 5, it might be a little small!)

If you remember, Lynn, so was Under Par's :rofl:

Lynn
15th-December-2004, 03:23 PM
If you remember, Lynn, so was Under Par's :rofl: I didn't actually see it :tears: (how did I miss that? :confused: I was there!). But I'm sure its a frequent dancing outfit for him. I'm just worried now, I might turn up in mine and UP might be wearing his... don't you hate it when someone else is wearing the same outfit (and looks better than you :tears: )

Bardsey
15th-December-2004, 03:27 PM
I didn't actually see it :tears: (how did I miss that? :confused: I was there!). But I'm sure its a frequent dancing outfit for him. I'm just worried now, I might turn up in mine and UP might be wearing his... don't you hate it when someone else is wearing the same outfit (and looks better than you :tears: )

No worries, Lynn, you just have to wear a leopard skin top and mask and you'll look like identical twins, just like in the film with Arnie and that other guy (can't remember his name) :confused:

under par
15th-December-2004, 03:27 PM
I didn't actually see it :tears: (how did I miss that? :confused: I was there!). But I'm sure its a frequent dancing outfit for him. I'm just worried now, I might turn up in mine and UP might be wearing his... don't you hate it when someone else is wearing the same outfit (and looks better than you :tears: )

Lynn you would always look better than me in a tutu.

If we ever arrived at the same venue wearing the same outfit I promise I'll take mine off!!!!! straight away
:whistle: :hug:

Bardsey
15th-December-2004, 03:30 PM
Lynn you would always look better than me in a tutu.

If we ever arrived at the same venue wearing the same outfit I promise I'll take mine off!!!!! straight away
:whistle: :hug:

Can you make sure you let me know in advance, then I can sell tickets :drool: :whistle:

under par
18th-January-2005, 08:16 PM
Can you make sure you let me know in advance, then I can sell tickets :drool: :whistle:


Jill I've had a request from ZW for a tutu outng this Friday but I do not think Lynn can make it so everybody is safe. :whistle: :wink: :blush:

Zebra Woman
18th-January-2005, 08:31 PM
Jill I've had a request from ZW for a tutu outng this Friday but I do not think Lynn can make it so everybody is safe. :whistle: :wink: :blush:

Damn.... damn.... damn :sad:

:rofl:

ZW :hug:

Gadget
18th-January-2005, 10:15 PM
Jill I've had a request from ZW for a tutu outing this Friday
So who in the tree is being 'outed' for wearing a Tutu?

Andy McGregor
19th-January-2005, 03:16 AM
So who in the tree is being 'outed' for wearing a Tutu?

It's impossible to 'out' someone who's in the tree. They're already on the edge for being as far "out" as it's possible to get ...

under par
19th-January-2005, 09:18 AM
It's impossible to 'out' someone who's in the tree. They're already on the edge for being as far "out" as it's possible to get ...

Why thankyou for your support Sir Andy of Crossdressalot, please accecpt a vanilla slice and a hairy sherbet lemon as a sign of my appreciation . :cheers:

Andy McGregor
19th-January-2005, 09:50 AM
a hairy sherbet lemon

Who's hair and from what part of the body? :sick:

Gadget
19th-January-2005, 09:58 AM
It's impossible to 'out' someone who's in the tree. They're already on the edge for being as far "out" as it's possible to get ...
I have a funny feeling that most people who are in the tree are actually out of their tree, which leads to some sort of reverse polarisation quantum flux that makes standing far out on an edge wearing a tutu perfectly normal. :what:
...What's in the barrel below, and do we all get cards to hold up and judge the dive?

Andy McGregor
19th-January-2005, 10:08 AM
...What's in the barrel below, and do we all get cards to hold up and judge the dive?

The barrel contains silk confetti. And it's the synchronised ballerina dive display team up next :clap:

Bardsey
19th-January-2005, 10:10 AM
It's impossible to 'out' someone who's in the tree. They're already on the edge for being as far "out" as it's possible to get ...

:yeah: We're always going out on a limb :rofl:

Pammy
19th-January-2005, 10:29 AM
I have a funny feeling that most people who are in the tree are actually out of their tree, which leads to some sort of reverse polarisation quantum flux that makes standing far out on an edge wearing a tutu perfectly normal. :what:
...What's in the barrel below, and do we all get cards to hold up and judge the dive?

Surely then, the above begs the question: who stands out? :what:

under par
19th-January-2005, 02:47 PM
Surely then, the above begs the question: who stands out? :what:


No ! No ! Its the hair on the sherbet lemon that stands out.........

If you look at it from the right direction that is! :sick:

Pammy
19th-January-2005, 05:56 PM
No ! No ! Its the hair on the sherbet lemon that stands out.........

If you look at it from the right direction that is! :sick:

It's not even short and curly, it's long :tears:

Gadget
19th-January-2005, 09:35 PM
Drum roll please...
DRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Cast you eyes upwards, the hairy sherbert lemon in the tutu will now perform for you a synchronised dive into a vat of silk confetti... without the aid of a safety net!

Can I have your scilence please?

drrrrrrrrrup...
...
...

...



...

under par
20th-January-2005, 02:24 AM
Drum roll please...
DRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Cast you eyes upwards, the hairy sherbert lemon in the tutu will now perform for you a synchronised dive into a vat of silk confetti... without the aid of a safety net!

Can I have your scilence please?

drrrrrrrrrup...
...
...

...



...




5.8 5.7 5.8 5.6 and a diappointing 5.2 from the German judge brings cries of derision from the audience of moths and fat badgers !!! :flower:

Pammy
20th-January-2005, 10:15 AM
Wait a minute, :what: Andy McGregor has retrieved the rogue sweet and eaten it, hair and all :tears:

Wait! :sick: He's choking!

Quick, someone grab that bottle of Chartreuse to clear his passage! :innocent:

Swinging bee
20th-January-2005, 10:29 AM
Not sure that passage was a good choice of word.......airway maybe? :tears:

Dreadful Scathe
20th-January-2005, 11:00 AM
Not sure that passage was a good choice of word.......airway maybe? :tears:
no no , Pammy just needs to qualify which passage. The front or the back ?

Sparkles
20th-January-2005, 11:09 AM
no no , Pammy just needs to qualify which passage. The front or the back ?
I think I'm going to be sick :sick:

Swinging bee
20th-January-2005, 11:18 AM
somebody get to the bottom of this and put a stop to it!!!!

Dreadful Scathe
20th-January-2005, 11:19 AM
somebody get to the bottom of this and put a stop to it!!!!
I think you're missing the point, theres a stopper already in it and once we figure out which passage we can unstopper it :)

under par
20th-January-2005, 11:28 AM
Wait a minute, :what: Andy McGregor has retrieved the rogue sweet and eaten it, hair and all :tears:

Wait! :sick: He's choking!

Quick, someone grab that bottle of Chartreuse to clear his passage! :innocent:


Pammy grabs the bottle of green Chartreuse, pops the cork and wafts the fumes from the ghastly intoxicant under the nose of Andy....

He drops into a coma, stops choking and quite amazingly the offending hairball emits itself from his passage............... :whistle:

Now who is brave enough to retrieve it ?? :eek:

Dreadful Scathe
20th-January-2005, 12:14 PM
not me, I tried to kill 'im with it in the first place :) The Agents of S.M.U.R.F will prevail :)

Pammy
20th-January-2005, 01:22 PM
The fumes from the Chartreuse have turned the curly hair straight. Pammy, seeing it as a prized trophy, retrieves it and puts it in a jar with the rest of her squins... :waycool:

Andy's passage, still numb from the experience, but beginning to get a little sore around the opening :tears: lets out one final gasp of horror as it spots D.S. accidentally slipping on a small piece of disgarded stilton that projects both he and the large measuring jug full of a rather dubious looking brandy that he was carrying on a direct colision path with the vacumous hole...

"AgghhhhhhhHHHHHH"

Swinging bee
20th-January-2005, 01:55 PM
As a result, the enormity of the collision causes the contents of the jug to be swallowed up by the already slackened hole. a deathly hush ensued, then a feeble voice was heard to murmer...."No nurse ,no more colonic irrigation, please, please, please" ......... But then what goes up must come down........

Bardsey
20th-January-2005, 03:20 PM
The fumes from the Chartreuse have turned the curly hair straight. Pammy, seeing it as a prized trophy, retrieves it and puts it in a jar with the rest of her squins... :waycool:

Andy's passage, still numb from the experience, but beginning to get a little sore around the opening :tears: lets out one final gasp of horror as it spots D.S. accidentally slipping on a small piece of disgarded stilton that projects both he and the large measuring jug full of a rather dubious looking brandy that he was carrying on a direct colision path with the vacumous hole...

"AgghhhhhhhHHHHHH"

Quick as a flash, Mr Bardsey hoists his kilt and does a superb dive, arms outstretched, and just manages to catch said dubious brandy before it disappears forever and hands it to Boomer who is looking a funny colour and needs reviving........er talking of reviving.......think Mr Bardsey is in need of some help, back's gone again........now where the hell did I put my high heels and knotted whip (only thing that gets him up and running again!)

Gadget
20th-January-2005, 04:01 PM
Quick as a flash, Mr Bardsey hoists his kilt and does a superb dive, arms outstretched, and just manages to catch said dubious brandy before it disappears forever and hands it to Boomer who is looking a funny colour and needs reviving........er talking of reviving.......think Mr Bardsey is in need of some help, back's gone again........now where the hell did I put my high heels and knotted whip (only thing that gets him up and running again!)
This time the judges marks are more favorable with a 5.6 6.2 6.1 5.9 and a 9.5 from the German judge... Do i detect some nobbling?

Bardsey
20th-January-2005, 04:04 PM
This time the judges marks are more favorable with a 5.6 6.2 6.1 5.9 and a 9.5 from the German judge... Do i detect some nobbling?

Was ist dis? Mein Got !!!

CJ
20th-January-2005, 04:29 PM
Urs got wot?!?

Pammy
20th-January-2005, 04:32 PM
Oh no :eek: not raised kilts again? If Andy wasn't so "out of his tree" he'd be next in line for a flash, although with his slackened hole, I'm not sure I'd want to get an eye-full of that at the mo :tears:

Oh dear, a certain wind seems to have picked up, eminating from the "said" hole. I think it's slackened so much that a vortex has been created? Do you think this is a way out of the hollow tree???? :what:

Should we jump in? :devil:

Bardsey
20th-January-2005, 04:34 PM
Oh dear, a certain wind seems to have picked up, eminating from the "said" hole. I think it's slackened so much that a vortex has been created? Do you think this is a way out of the hollow tree???? :what:

Should we jump in? :devil:

:eek: You first!!

Swinging bee
20th-January-2005, 05:08 PM
:eek: You first!!
there is a solution here..."anybody got a match!" :whistle:

Swinging bee
20th-January-2005, 05:12 PM
there is a solution here..."anybody got a match!" :whistle:
they say it all began with the BIG BANG :D

BeeBee
20th-January-2005, 05:16 PM
they say it all began with the BIG BANG :D
Going by the start of this thread, thats a whole nother story . . . :D

under par
20th-January-2005, 05:48 PM
Going by the start of this thread, thats a whole nother story . . . :D


Going by "this" part of the thread its a "hole" nother story....eh

BeeBee
20th-January-2005, 05:49 PM
Going by "this" part of the thread its a "hole" nother story....eh
:rolleyes: :worthy: :rolleyes: :worthy:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Pammy
20th-January-2005, 06:12 PM
No Greg, don't like that candle!!!! :really: :what: :eek:

under par
20th-January-2005, 06:30 PM
No Greg, don't like that candle!!!! :really: :what: :eek:


Greg (determined to get flamed) strikes a match ....................

Swinging bee
20th-January-2005, 06:41 PM
Greg (determined to get flamed) strikes a match .................... but the strength of the vortex blows it out. PHEW.... and now, depleted of its noxious gas, the hole closes up. the noxious gas begins to take its toll ............ :eek:

Pammy
21st-January-2005, 10:29 AM
but the strength of the vortex blows it out. PHEW.... and now, depleted of its noxious gas, the hole closes up. the noxious gas begins to take its toll ............ :eek:

The tree'ster's knees buckle :sick: and they slip into a sleep. Who will be the Prince Charming who wakes them from this noxious cloud that keeps them, temporarily frozen in dreamland.

Greg, whom took the blow from the candle before the vortex extinguished the flame, had look momentarily like a "burning bush", but now, with all flames gone, he just smouldered gently in his sleep....

Wait, there's a knock on the door. Looks like an ugly old woman with a picnic basket. Wait a minute, what's that in it???? Looks like a juicy red apple... :really:

Swinging bee
21st-January-2005, 11:41 AM
The knocking got more persistant ,so much so that it raised Greg from his slumber, his senses slowly returned with the pungent acrid smell of singed human hair burning his nostrils and making his eyes water........ He saised himself and made for the door ...he opened it and through watery eyes he saw what was before him...his numbed brain was slow to react but it dawned on him "My God,it's Andy McGregor in drag again" he took the apple from the outstretched hand with the thought "'l'll go along with this ,he won't catch me out again"...........

Pammy
21st-January-2005, 01:39 PM
:eek:
The knocking got more persistant ,so much so that it raised Greg from his slumber, his senses slowly returned with the pungent acrid smell of singed human hair burning his nostrils and making his eyes water........ He saised himself and made for the door ...he opened it and through watery eyes he saw what was before him...his numbed brain was slow to react but it dawned on him "My God,it's Andy McGregor in drag again" he took the apple from the outstretched hand with the thought "'l'll go along with this ,he won't catch me out again"...........

Poor old Sheepy took one bite - he was so cold from losing his winter coat that he needed as much energy as he could get :yum: ... With the newly circulating air, the others were starting to come to... Greg munched on, thinking to himself that this did not taste like the average golden delicious...

The narled outstretched arm shot back under the old ladies shawl... "Ha Ha Ha, that was a poisoned apple... I'll get you my little beauty!" and with that, Andy McGregorrrriiie hobbled off up the path and back into the forest.

Greg's mouth dropped open. He started to feel unwell. He grabbed his throat :eek: and started to make a funny gargling noise... The others looked on in panic .

Bardsey
21st-January-2005, 01:44 PM
The knocking got more persistant ,so much so that it raised Greg from his slumber, his senses slowly returned with the pungent acrid smell of singed human hair burning his nostrils and making his eyes water........ He saised himself and made for the door ...he opened it and through watery eyes he saw what was before him...his numbed brain was slow to react but it dawned on him "My God,it's Andy McGregor in drag again" he took the apple from the outstretched hand with the thought "'l'll go along with this ,he won't catch me out again"...........

Taking a closer look at the "old woman" he realised his mistake just in time......it wasn't the McGregster after all (cos in fact he was soundly asleep like the rest of the tree 'sters) but just peeking through under the clever make-up was....(drumroll) a touch of BLUE Ah aah! Its the dastardly Dreadful Scathe... the little blue demon himself!!!!! Greg quickly chucks the apple back at him and slams the door!!!!

Bardsey
21st-January-2005, 01:45 PM
Oops!!! Think of this as a Terry Prachett book......choose your own path.....Pammy or Bardsey :rofl: :rofl:

under par
21st-January-2005, 02:14 PM
Oops!!! Think of this as a Terry Prachett book......choose your own path.....Pammy or Bardsey :rofl: :rofl:



Decisions decisions HELP :whistle:

Gadget
21st-January-2005, 02:42 PM
And with that cry of help, another sheepie comes into the room from the back door to see himself lying, choking on the floor. The fact that both the smurf and McGreggor had it in for him was all the more reason he was glad for the sheep cloning technique developed recently.

{:D}

Swinging bee
21st-January-2005, 03:34 PM
Feeling pretty good about his demise. sheepy stood there arms folded surveying the situation. Then he realised, all was not well !!! his body felt unfamiliar under his folded arms ...arms by his side he looked down and... "OH NO!!!" ...........there protruding from his wooly chest were the pertest little breasts you ever did see.....What!!! the apple!!!the cloning doctor !!!.....WHO!!!!!WHAT!!!!......... Andy McGregor !!!!:rolleyes: .......

Pammy
21st-January-2005, 06:04 PM
Feeling pretty good about his demise. sheepy stood there arms folded surveying the situation. Then he realised, all was not well !!! his body felt unfamiliar under his folded arms ...arms by his side he looked down and... "OH NO!!!" ...........there protruding from his wooly chest were the pertest little breasts you ever did see.....What!!! the apple!!!the cloning doctor !!!.....WHO!!!!!WHAT!!!!......... Andy McGregor !!!!:rolleyes: .......

"Alter Greg" had found a similar apple in the fruit basket back in the kitchen. It must've been planted there :eek: Almost instantly the side effects of consuming the doped fruit began. Greg's pert breasts began to sag and droop. Greg gasped, trying to hide them. At this rate he'd have to borrow one of Andy's bra's to stop them dragging along the floor. He felt so ashamed. What if the others awoke and saw his shrivelled offerings.

At that very moment, Bardsey came to. "Oh Greg, you're a star" she said, "I'm so hungrey, fried eggs are just what I fancy"...

Swinging bee
21st-January-2005, 07:16 PM
Feeling a bit sheepish, Greg replied. "No you cant! They're off the menu, actually i'm getting quite attached to them!"
"On second thoughts, i've a couple of meat balls you can have"
"No thanks said Bardsey...I know where they've been!"
Bardsey noticed that Greg was staring rather strangely at him :eek:
Greg said to him "Have you tried any of those apples today?"
"Why" said Bardsey, looking puzzled.
Greg replied "Have you noticed anything?"
"Well, actually I have, I bitten my tongue twice in the last minute or two, and it's sore"
"Take a look in the mirror" said Greg. "If i'm not mistaken, you're turning into a werewolf!" :eek:
Bardsey put his hand towards his face, and felt the coarse hairs sprouting from his chin..........

under par
24th-January-2005, 10:26 AM
"

"Oh Greg, you're a star" she said, "I'm so hungrey, fried eggs are just what I fancy"...


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Pammy
24th-January-2005, 10:31 AM
Bardsey put his hand towards his face, and felt the coarse hairs sprouting from his chin..........

It was indeed a terrible tragedy.

With one bite from the apple, Bardsey had turned from herself, an attractive blonde lady :drool: , into "him", with two meatballs and a sausage :tears: who was now morphing into a werewolf... If Bardsey wore her wings now, she'd look like another Andy McGregorie in drag. Detective work was required here. Could the McGregster be behind all of this? It was certainly looking that way....

Pamster walked off in a huff. If you listened very carefully you could just about make out her saying "It's not fair Bardsey, I wanted to be the man!" :tears: :angry:

Bardsey
24th-January-2005, 10:57 AM
It was indeed a terrible tragedy.

With one bite from the apple, Bardsey had turned from herself, an attractive blonde lady :drool: , into "him", with two meatballs and a sausage :tears: who was now morphing into a werewolf... If Bardsey wore her wings now, she'd look like another Andy McGregorie in drag. Detective work was required here. Could the McGregster be behind all of this? It was certainly looking that way....

Pamster walked off in a huff. If you listened very carefully you could just about make out her saying "It's not fair Bardsey, I wanted to be the man!" :tears: :angry:

Bardsey, who's hearing as a male werewolf was infinitely better that when she is a mere female, heard that and shouted after Pamster "Well, you had your chance, blame that Boomer for not wanting to be a women!"

Bardsey growled low in her throat, turned round to walk back to the kitchen, f*rted, scratched her/his b*lls, grabbed a beer from the fridge and legged out on the settee infront of the TV clinging like grim death to the remote. "Mmmm" she thought "not bad this "being a bloke" bit"!

under par
24th-January-2005, 10:59 AM
Bardsey growled low in her throat, turned round to walk back to the kitchen, f*rted, scratched her/his b*lls, grabbed a beer from the fridge and legged out on the settee infront of the TV clinging like grim death to the remote. "Mmmm" she thought "not bad this "being a bloke" bit"!

:rofl: :rofl:

This is such a good read. :rofl: :rofl:

Swinging bee
24th-January-2005, 11:07 AM
Feeling seriously pleased wth "himself " Bardsey sunk lower into the chair and swallowed tinny after tinny of the amber nectar. In his drunken stupor he failed to notice the rays of morning sun creeping ever closer the the open window.........

bobgadjet
24th-January-2005, 12:51 PM
:rofl: :rofl:

This is such a good read. :rofl: :rofl:
:yeah:
But I must get on with some work ! ! !

Pammy
24th-January-2005, 12:51 PM
Feeling seriously pleased wth "himself " Bardsey sunk lower into the chair and swallowed tinny after tinny of the amber nectar. In his drunken stupor he failed to notice the rays of morning sun creeping ever closer the the open window.........

Boomer came to. He'd been sitting next to the fire, warming his bits when the noxious gas had taken effect. Now sitting directly opposite him, squeezed into the reminents of a sparkly purple dress sat Bardsey, in all his glory. "Geesh" though Boomer, "I hadn't realised I wasn't the only one who must have substantial shares in Bic"...

Bardsey
24th-January-2005, 04:49 PM
Boomer came to. He'd been sitting next to the fire, warming his bits when the noxious gas had taken effect. Now sitting directly opposite him, squeezed into the reminents of a sparkly purple dress sat Bardsey, in all his glory. "Geesh" though Boomer, "I hadn't realised I wasn't the only one who must have substantial shares in Bic"...

.....or Remington, come to that!!! "Quick Bardsey" he shouted, clearly at one with another hairy beast "hide in the cellar, before the sun comes up properly. I'll give you a shout when its all clear"

I'm a little worried that its actually Vampires who have to hide from the sun, but what the hell, its only a story!

Swinging bee
24th-January-2005, 06:55 PM
Bardsey stumbled his way down the narrow and dark steps leading to the cellar, as he took the last step he tripped and fell headlong on to the damp and unforgiving floor........He sat himself up, uttered a suitable expletive. (any suggestions) Peering into the darkness he saw a dark shape moving towards him.......

Pammy
25th-January-2005, 11:25 AM
He fumbled franticly in his pockets, desperately trying to find the chrome plated chaz and dave lighter he always kept with him as a lucky charm. The shape began to make a noise; a sort of whail that vaguely sounded something like one of the Mavericks greatest hits. The noise was getting louder, and the shape was getting ever closer. Bardsey was scared, so scared that his newly formed tail had curled under between his legs. His long toe nails scratched on the floor as he tried to push himself backwards into the far cellar corner, but he knew there was no escape from the shape. He began to whimper. The shape had locked onto him and was coming his way, and fast. Bardsey knew Andy McGregor was somewhere near the cellar's entrance and so in one desperate yell he boomed "Andy, I'll dress up as whatever you want, just get me out of here.... P L E A S E .....

Swinging bee
25th-January-2005, 12:39 PM
The silhouette of the evil one came into view at the top of the stairs....and said "I see you are about to meet the mother in law..Stay still and she will not harm you,she has eaten today!"........ Bardsey wasted no time in complying, mind racing about what to do next.. The evil one walked slowly down the stairs.... and as he drew nearer Bardsey saw that he was dressed in an electric blue 'Austin Powers'outfit........Wait! what's that in his hand ....MY GOD!!!..........

Bardsey
25th-January-2005, 01:07 PM
The silhouette of the evil one came into view at the top of the stairs....and said "I see you are about to meet the mother in law..Stay still and she will not harm you,she has eaten today!"........ Bardsey wasted no time in complying, mind racing about what to do next.. The evil one walked slowly down the stairs.... and as he drew nearer Bardsey saw that he was dressed in an electric blue 'Austin Powers'outfit........Wait! what's that in his hand ....MY GOD!!!..........


Its a copy of the latest Chas and Dave CD......aaaarrrggghhhhh!!!!!

"Hang on a minute" thought Bardsey "I'm now a male werewolf....what am I doing cowering in a corner of the cellar, I'm just as evil as this plonker" and with that he reared up to his full height, letting out a terrifically blood-gurgling howl and .........

Pammy
25th-January-2005, 01:10 PM
shouted "You're no mother in law, more of an Outlaw". From behind the McGregsters back he pulled out something long and hard. Bardsey had never seen such a big vibrating alien - obviously, the McGregster had borrowed it from Sheepy's overnight bag. She noted the batteries were a little low though and it had lost some of it's thrust, despite it's lack of power though, it still managed to cast more of a shadow than the McGregster himself, even if it was under a foot and a half tall. The McGregster swished his cape and revealed a full pair of s'quinned union jack ladies high waisted briefs. In shock Bardsey cowered back down again. He smiled flirtily and winked. Bardsey wondered if the McGregster knew his true identity - as the cheeky blonde lassie he really was, or if he was drawn to the manly appearance that trembled before him in the shadow of the Outlaw. Bardsey knew that if he didn't do something quick, the McGregster, with his alien, would over-power him and perhaps even force him to appear in one of his double trouble appearances at the next dance weekend. On the far side, a narrow beam of light was shining through a crack in the floorboards. In one swift comb, double comb, triple triple comb, sway, reverse comb, man-spin, comb and away, she maneovered the Outlaw from her path, and made one desperate dash for the glimmer of light. "Stop him" The McGregster cried to the Outlaw who immediately started in persuit, but Bardsey, who, being half man half wolf, was far too quick for either of them. As the first rays of light fell upon his greasy matted coat, Bardsey felt the transformation to his day-self begin. Immediately the fur receaded and back to her former self was Jill, standing relieved, but a little embarassed as the whole wolf/man/woman transformation had resulted in her clothes popping off. The McGregster was horrified. "You might be safe now Bardsey, but wait til darkness falls once more, you will be mine and your..." and with that, there was another noise at the cellar door, there stood....

Bardsey
25th-January-2005, 01:40 PM
shouted "You're no mother in law, more of an Outlaw". From behind the McGregsters back he pulled out something long and hard. Bardsey had never seen such a big vibrating alien - obviously, the McGregster had borrowed it from Sheepy's overnight bag. She noted the batteries were a little low though and it had lost some of it's thrust, despite it's lack of power though, it still managed to cast more of a shadow than the McGregster himself, even if it was under a foot and a half tall. The McGregster swished his cape and revealed a full pair of s'quinned union jack ladies high waisted briefs. In shock Bardsey cowered back down again. He smiled flirtily and winked. Bardsey wondered if the McGregster knew his true identity - as the cheeky blonde lassie he really was, or if he was drawn to the manly appearance that trembled before him in the shadow of the Outlaw. Bardsey knew that if he didn't do something quick, the McGregster, with his alien, would over-power him and perhaps even force him to appear in one of his double trouble appearances at the next dance weekend. On the far side, a narrow beam of light was shining through a crack in the floorboards. In one swift comb, double comb, triple triple comb, sway, reverse comb, man-spin, comb and away, she maneovered the Outlaw from her path, and made one desperate dash for the glimmer of light. "Stop him" The McGregster cried to the Outlaw who immediately started in persuit, but Bardsey, who, being half man half wolf, was far too quick for either of them. As the first rays of light fell upon his greasy matted coat, Bardsey felt the transformation to his day-self begin. Immediately the fur receaded and back to her former self was Jill, standing relieved, but a little embarassed as the whole wolf/man/woman transformation had resulted in her clothes popping off. The McGregster was horrified. "You might be safe now Bardsey, but wait til darkness falls once more, you will be mine and your..." and with that, there was another noise at the cellar door, there stood....

the formidable duo of Pamster and Boomer, pulling a wicker toboggan containing Sheepie and Under-Par (see...... you can get a cop when you want one!) for back-up! "Quick Bardster", shouted Pammy "do that thing you do, you know bear down hard.....no, no, not like that" she said, trying to waft the smell away "you're not a man anymore, you know....you know that other thing you do" The light quickly dawned on the Bardster and she "did that thing" and suddenly her wings sprouted out again in all their pink glory and she took to the air and flew straight out of the cellar over the top of the McGregster's head.

Swinging bee
25th-January-2005, 02:58 PM
The exhilleration of being out of the cellar filled the Bardster with joy ,seeing that the door to the outdoors had been left open she carried on to the outside where the morning sun warmed her nakedness.....She was aware of the commotion behind her ,the Evil ones squeals could be heard above all others.. Meanwhile in a copse (cops?) nearby, Bigger Andy and his chums were about to start the first of the seasons clay pigeon shoots..."PULL" said Bigger Andy and looking towards the tree he saw something ...........was it Batman? ...was it a fairy?...he put up his gun (no,not that one) and ........ "Midges and jellyfish are good for bugger all "

Pammy
25th-January-2005, 03:43 PM
There was a squeal and then Bardsey began fluttering a little off-side, her left wing making a very funny noise indeed. "Is that the wind or her wind?" asked Boomer as he stared skywards, eye's squinting, trying to see what the commotion was... The McGregster & The Outlaw appeared from the trunk, still hot on Bardsey's heels. Bardsey's wing was now not functioning at all well - she glanced behind her and saw the bullet hole going right threw her pink pappery flappers. She was becomming disorientated and the McGregster saw an opportunity to bring her down. He thrust his lunchbox forwards and reflected the sun off of his s'quinny underpants; only enough of a reflection to temporarily blind a fairy, but enough none the less. The light shone right into Bardsey's eyes and it was about as much as she could take. Her wings stopped flapping and she began to freefall towards the forest floor. Under Par, being an extremely good copper, jumped up and tried to make a dash for it, hoping he'd be in time to catch her, but there was no way he was going to make it.. Bardsey was now only 20 feet above the ground, but suddenly a large raspberry sound could be heard, it was....

Swinging bee
25th-January-2005, 03:49 PM
The Two Ronnies

Pammy
25th-January-2005, 04:24 PM
followed almost immediately by Rolf Harris playing Andy's diggery doo.

Bardsey
25th-January-2005, 04:28 PM
followed almost immediately by Rolf Harris playing Andy's diggery doo.

followed by James Last doing his impersonation of the Pied Piper, complete with long line of rats

Swinging bee
25th-January-2005, 04:53 PM
followed almost immediately by Rolf Harris playing Andy's diggery doo.
I didn't know Rolf Harris was THAT way inclined...Well you live and learn..... :kiss: .

under par
25th-January-2005, 04:59 PM
I didn't know Rolf Harris was THAT way inclined...Well you live and learn..... :kiss: .


I'm suprised Rolfs eyes where good enough to locate Andy's...............he is getting on a bit you know!! :whistle:

Andy McGregor
25th-January-2005, 05:03 PM
I'm suprised Rolfs eyes where good enough to locate Andy's...............he is getting on a bit you know!! :whistle:

He located my Didgery Doo by listening for the sound it makes when Pammy blows it - now that Rolf's getting older his sense of smell doesn't work :devil:

Pammy
25th-January-2005, 05:07 PM
I smelt it before I blew it, very composty - damp wood can turn that way in time you know.... :wink: :kiss:

Anyway...

Bardsey's ears honed in on James Last's magnificent piping and thus she righted herself from her downward spiral just in time. She landed safely on the ground, her wing sagging behind her, but at least she was still almost in one piece. Quickly she fashioned herself with a couple of ivy leaves to hide her modest and unmodest areas. The guys and gals, being very sporting indeed, turned away so as not to embarass the lass - all that was, apart from Chris A. He, of course, seized the opportunity to get inside information for his quest to decide whether or not another proposal was in order. Still, dressed from head to toe and digery doo in black, nobody noticed he was there - until Ceroc Jock threw a large custard pie at him. Chris was livid, his usual calm and laid back exterior changed and he yelled "Get him, OFF with his hair!" Ceroc Jock made a run for it, but his shorts were too tight and he tripped up. Pammy had a new jar out ready, and was fully prepared to squin the specimin. Then ...

under par
25th-January-2005, 05:08 PM
He located my Didgery Doo by listening for the sound it makes when Pammy blows it - now that Rolf's getting older his sense of smell doesn't work :devil:

Can you describe the sound.

makes note avoid that sound at all costs

Pammy
25th-January-2005, 05:23 PM
Can you describe the sound.

makes note avoid that sound at all costs


A bad version of "In the mood" ? :confused:

under par
25th-January-2005, 05:33 PM
A bad version of "In the mood" ? :confused:



"Aaaaagghh Pammy!!" "Stop blowing Andy...P...L...E...A...S........E" :whistle:

Pammy
25th-January-2005, 05:48 PM
Forget blowing, I'm trying to get CJ's squins in my jar, although, as we all know, scissors do not work in the parrallel universe - otherwise known as the Hollowdom... Does anyone have any contrabind sharp implements I could use?

Swinging bee
25th-January-2005, 06:37 PM
I think you need a small prick to prise them off with....I'm sure you must know where there is one!

Pammy
26th-January-2005, 10:34 AM
I think you need a small prick to prise them off with....I'm sure you must know where there is one!

We didn't want a mad rush! Now we're inundated with volunteers!!!

Swinging bee
27th-January-2005, 10:46 AM
Chris, angry at the accuracy of the projectile looked around for something with which to retaliate.....Something caught his eye....Was it ? Yes it was! there on the grass was a "day old" COW PAT (you know the sort, crusty on the ouside and oh so soft in the middle) He scooped it up, turned and heaved it quite forcibly in the direction of...............

Pammy
27th-January-2005, 04:30 PM
CJ, but Pammy, leaning over him with her small prick was caught right in the line of fire. The last thing that could be heard was "Right, off with your..." and with that, the cow pat flew straight into her cake hole. Cor, thought Boomer, that's her off the dance scene tonight - you know the rules on bad breath...

Chris A. jumped back in horror. Could this be divorce for the couple???

CJ
28th-January-2005, 11:03 AM
Divorce?!? Certainly not... CJ was never one to let a small prick come between relationships and felt that Pammy's small prick shouldn't do so...

Whilst Pammy was very positive about receiving pats on the back, receiving one in the cake hole tended to anger her. In fact, Pammy was SOOOOOOOO angry, she.....

Pammy
28th-January-2005, 11:39 AM
decided to tear off the mask and reveal the small prick in all his glory. It was, of course....

Incidentally, I loved the Pat on the Back line :rofl:

Dreadful Scathe
28th-January-2005, 12:44 PM
OI - can you lot be quiet, im trying to take over the world...sheesh.

Swinging bee
28th-January-2005, 12:48 PM
OI - can you lot be quiet, im trying to take over the world...sheesh.
Too late ,the Mc Gregorites are breeding at an alarming rate....all over the world you can hear the thump thump of..........

CJ
28th-January-2005, 12:53 PM
Too late ,the Mc Gregorites are breeding at an alarming rate....all over the world you can hear the thump thump of..........

Pammy's small prick banging away @ CJ's sequins. However, not one to be out thumped by Pammy OR out bred by McGregster, Boomer definitely had to do something to fix this sad state of affairs...

Bardsey
28th-January-2005, 12:56 PM
Too late ,the Mc Gregorites are breeding at an alarming rate....all over the world you can hear the thump thump of..........

small pricks and didgery doos!

Meanwhile, back at the Hollow Tree...


decided to tear off the mask and reveal the small prick in all his glory. It was, of course....



That little blue horror, the Dreadful Scathe, still shouting something about wanting to take over the world. Had to hear him really as all the McGregsterites in Hollowdom were too busy yawning.......Just then.......

Pammy
28th-January-2005, 01:33 PM
Pammy's small prick banging away @ CJ's sequins. However, not one to be out thumped by Pammy OR out bred by McGregster, Boomer definitely had to do something to fix this sad state of affairs...

So he jumped forward shouting "Stand clear you imposters, somewhere inside my pocket I have the smallest prick of all and I'm not afraid to use it", he reached inside and pulled out a....

Bardsey
28th-January-2005, 01:40 PM
So he jumped forward shouting "Stand clear you imposters, somewhere inside my pocket I have the smallest prick of all and I'm not afraid to use it", he reached inside and pulled out a....

Pickled Gherkin. "Oh B*gger that's not it" he mumbled, stuffing into his mouth. Meanwhile...........

under par
28th-January-2005, 02:04 PM
Pickled Gherkin. "Oh B*gger that's not it" he mumbled, stuffing into his mouth. Meanwhile...........

... He produced the hairiest sherbet lemon from through a hole in the lining of his jacket pocket and said...

Swinging bee
28th-January-2005, 02:12 PM
"Another one like that would look good...... together. between that gherkin....

CJ
28th-January-2005, 02:20 PM
.... and the hair from the sherbet dip, they had produced an EXACT replica of Pammy's prick.

Why boomer kept such things in his pocket was anyones guess. As sheepish as he looked, under everyone's suspicious gaze it was Bardster's inciteful question that prompted an answer.

Boomer had no choice but to reply when Bardsey said....

Bardsey
28th-January-2005, 02:36 PM
.... and the hair from the sherbet dip, they had produced an EXACT replica of Pammy's prick.

Why boomer kept such things in his pocket was anyones guess. As sheepish as he looked, under everyone's suspicious gaze it was Bardster's inciteful question that prompted an answer.

Boomer had no choice but to reply when Bardsey said....

"Why are your balls so hairy?" as she picked up what she could only imagine were Maltezers that were rolling around on the floor having fallen from his pockets

Pammy
28th-January-2005, 03:13 PM
"Why are your balls so hairy?" as she picked up what she could only imagine were Maltezers that were rolling around on the floor having fallen from his pockets

Bardsey popped one into her mouth...

"oh, they're not maltezers", said Boomer, "they must've got in there when I was clearing out Sheepy's pen yesterday"...

Bardsey realised then, it wasn't hair, it was wool :tears:

Boomer passed Bardsey the mints, stating "Pammy says these are good for getting rid of s**t breath..."

Swinging bee
28th-January-2005, 03:30 PM
She popped one ito her mouth ....mmm...."strange flavour." then her head started swimming , bright lights flashed berore her eyes momentarily. her body warmed and a glow came to her cheeks. she started feeling ...a little lusty.......

Pammy
28th-January-2005, 03:46 PM
She popped one ito her mouth ....mmm...."strange flavour." then her head started swimming , bright lights flashed berore her eyes momentarily. her body warmed and a glow came to her cheeks. she started feeling ...a little lusty.......

"Stand back" said Pammy, "You had your chance to be my man, and you blew it lady!" - who'd have thought manure could have such an unexpected effect...

Swinging bee
28th-January-2005, 04:31 PM
"Stand back" said Pammy, "You had your chance to be my man, and you blew it lady!" - who'd have thought manure could have such an unexpected effect...

Noplussed by the Pamsters remark, she turned to her and smiled sweetly. At the moment the evil one emerged from the hollowdom. Bardsey looked at him and a shiver went right to her bones,, then that warm feeling drenched her again and she exclaimed ,"God I fancy him" ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Is this the Evils doing to multiply and take over the world? what magic has he come up with now??......

Pammy
31st-January-2005, 11:31 AM
Noplussed by the Pamsters remark, she turned to her and smiled sweetly. At the moment the evil one emerged from the hollowdom. Bardsey looked at him and a shiver went right to her bones,, then that warm feeling drenched her again and she exclaimed ,"God I fancy him" ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Is this the Evils doing to multiply and take over the world? what magic has he come up with now??......

Bardsey tried to control the feelings of unstoppable lust that were coursing through her veins, but she just couldn't. She lept towards the McGregster and tore off his s'quinned union jack panties, revealing...

DianaS
31st-January-2005, 01:12 PM
a strange quirk in her nature. Smiling shyly ,she gazed deeply into Andy's startled eyes. Taking hold of the moment, she murmered quietly "I'll lead, you follow," ...

Swinging bee
31st-January-2005, 02:21 PM
Not a bad idea, thought Andy....( after all he Was used to be led as a woman on the dance floor) In excited expectation he closed his eyes.puckered his lips and.........

DianaS
31st-January-2005, 03:06 PM
Not a bad idea, thought Andy....( after all he Was used to be led as a woman on the dance floor) In excited expectation he closed his eyes.puckered his lips and.........
clicked his heels together shouting "KAnsas, KAnsas, KAnsas!"

Swinging bee
31st-January-2005, 03:20 PM
clicked his heels together shouting "KAnsas, KAnsas, KAnsas!"


The loud exclamations so close to the Bardsters ear sent a shockwave right through her and she came out of the trance ....with horror she realised her predicament..she looked down at partially disrobed (flacid?) Andy and with a swiftness that deceived the eye........ :D


__________________________________________________ _________________""the cow is of the bovine ilk, at one end MOO, the other milk!!!""

DianaS
31st-January-2005, 04:05 PM
fixed him with a beady eye
and slapped -
- a parking ticket on the offending article
Remarking...

Pammy
31st-January-2005, 05:24 PM
fixed him with a beady eye
and slapped -
- a parking ticket on the offending article
Remarking...

"You're nicked! This isn't anatomy for beginners you know! - Under Par, take him away...."

Swinging bee
31st-January-2005, 05:27 PM
fixed him with a beady eye
and slapped -
- a parking ticket on the offending article
Remarking...

"You can't park that hot rod of yours just anywhere you know. .. While we are at it, have you got a licence for it? you can produce it within seven days at............. :wink:

DianaS
31st-January-2005, 05:44 PM
Andy found himself all-of-a-quiver,
but never being at a loss for words, retorted smartly "...

Pammy
1st-February-2005, 11:38 AM
Andy found himself all-of-a-quiver,
but never being at a loss for words, retorted smartly "...

"I'll stick mine wherever I like, and let me tell you, when you have an instrument of speed; like that which you see before you, where to put it is the least of your worries.... just remember, you may not be looking at a brand new model, but this is a classic, with which you just live for the thrill of the ride"...

Bardsey could be heard muttering "More like an old banger", at which point Pammy piped up "Did anyone mention banging???"

Swinging bee
1st-February-2005, 11:44 AM
in andy's case it's his drum we hear...

Bardsey
1st-February-2005, 12:44 PM
"I'll stick mine wherever I like, and let me tell you, when you have an instrument of speed; like that which you see before you, where to put it is the least of your worries.... just remember, you may not be looking at a brand new model, but this is a classic, with which you just live for the thrill of the ride"...

Bardsey could be heard muttering "More like an old banger", at which point Pammy piped up "Did anyone mention banging???"

"Cos I have this very interesting video.....also some very delectable pics.....only for the over 18's though and not for those with a nervous disposition" said Pammy. Just then, there was a flash of light, smoke and when it cleared Andy had disappeared, leaving Under Par with a dangly bit between his legs.......oh, its just his truncheon!

DianaS
1st-February-2005, 03:00 PM
"Cos I have this very interesting video.....also some very delectable pics.....only for the over 18's though and not for those with a nervous disposition" said Pammy. Just then, there was a flash of light, smoke and when it cleared Andy had disappeared, leaving Under Par with a dangly bit between his legs.......oh, its just his truncheon!

Under Par looked around with a serious look on his face. "Ello, ello, ello, what's going on ere then?" he asked darkly, giving a serious look to Pammy and Bardsley who stood in fits of giggles with Andy's undies still dangling tantalisingly from Bardsleys tightly gripped fingers. Trying desperately not to look at the long and dangly truncheon that swang now menacingly between his legs, Pammmy looked to Bardsley and :drool:

Pammy
1st-February-2005, 03:01 PM
said "Is this how the magic roundabout started?"

Bardsey
1st-February-2005, 03:05 PM
Under Par looked around with a serious look on his face. "Ello, ello, ello, what's going on ere then?" he asked darkly, giving a serious look to Pammy and Bardsley who stood in fits of giggles with Andy's undies still dangling tantalisingly from Bardsleys tightly gripped fingers. Trying desperately not to look at the long and dangly truncheon that swang now menacingly between his legs, Pammmy looked to Bardsley and :drool:


said "Is this how the magic roundabout started?"

and by the way, who the h*ll are you? And what have you done with BARDSEY

Pammy
1st-February-2005, 04:38 PM
Ermintrudes flower twiddled innocently and she replied "Bardswho?"

DianaS
1st-February-2005, 04:48 PM
"Time for bed" says Under Par, quietly swinging his truncheon in a nonchalant manner

Swinging bee
2nd-February-2005, 09:57 AM
Which bed and with whom?
"Not me" said florence,"I prefer ..........

DianaS
2nd-February-2005, 10:05 AM
Zebedee

Dreadful Scathe
2nd-February-2005, 10:24 AM
has a lot of stamina does zebedee

as all my agents of destruction do of course...

muhahahaha

under par
2nd-February-2005, 10:24 AM
Zebedee

....with a "boyynngg".... Zebedee sprung away from from Under Par's menacing dangly truncheon..........and landed on one of Dougalls's doo doos with a splatty boyynng.....

Swinging bee
2nd-February-2005, 10:48 AM
Zebedee
Now Zebeee beind very "sharp of ear "heard this and said to Florence " you never told me... cripes if I had known that, we could have produced the worlds first bouncing dog. Have you got five minutes?"
"What ...five minutes " said Florence, as she ......

Pammy
2nd-February-2005, 12:40 PM
bent down and picked up a hairy sweet. "I think I'll feed this sugary sweet to Dougal", and ...

there was a loud bang, a cloud of smoke, and as Dougal consumed the sugary substance he turned into...

Swinging bee
2nd-February-2005, 12:45 PM
bent down and picked up a hairy sweet. "I think I'll feed this sugary sweet to Dougal", and ...

there was a loud bang, a cloud of smoke, and as Dougal consumed the sugary substance he turned into...
Rolf Harris.....sporting the biggest diggeredoo you have ever seen..."Anyone for tennis"? said ...Dougal..as he...

Bardsey
2nd-February-2005, 01:25 PM
Rolf Harris.....sporting the biggest diggeredoo you have ever seen..."Anyone for tennis"? said ...Dougal..as he...

Blimey! That guy keeps popping up, doesn't he?

swung Rolf, complete with didgerydoo, in a wide circle.......making quite a racket as he did so....Sorry, sorry! Couldn't resist !

Swinging bee
2nd-February-2005, 01:33 PM
Blimey! That guy keeps popping up, doesn't he?

swung Rolf, complete with didgerydoo, in a wide circle.......making quite a racket as he did so....Sorry, sorry! Couldn't resist !
Centrifugal force being what it is, the diggerydoo came out of Rolfs hand with some considerable rapidity and flew in an arc right into the ever open...... :yeah:

Bardsey
2nd-February-2005, 01:48 PM
Centrifugal force being what it is, the diggerydoo came out of Rolfs hand with some considerable rapidity and flew in an arc right into the ever open...... :yeah:

mouth of Boomer, who was just about to consumme his afternoon snack of apples, (which I hasten to add, were supposedly for the camels)......."mmmuuurrg...." he gurgled

Swinging bee
2nd-February-2005, 02:16 PM
mouth of Boomer, who was just about to consumme his afternoon snack of apples, (which I hasten to add, were supposedly for the camels)......."mmmuuurrg...." he gurgled

Pammy being a person of some kindness saw boomers predicament grabbed the diggerythingamy and pulled it from the gagging Boomers mouth with some gusto...there was a squelching sound and it came free. Pammy fell over backwards her legs in the air momentarily ..revealing...... :whistle:

drathzel
2nd-February-2005, 02:22 PM
Pammy being a person of some kindness saw boomers predicament grabbed the diggerythingamy and pulled it from the gagging Boomers mouth with some gusto...there was a squelching sound and it came free. Pammy fell over backwards her legs in the air momentarily ..revealing...... :whistle:
#
The sandwich , which she had been saving for later, now, however she couldn't very well...

Swinging bee
2nd-February-2005, 02:56 PM
#
The sandwich , which she had been saving for later, now, however she couldn't very well...


Hide her blushes..what would people say??got to scotch this, was her first thought..so she smiled oh so sweetly and said to the now gathering crowd..."anyone want a bite?" Someone replied "Nah don't know where its been"......

Bardsey
2nd-February-2005, 03:57 PM
Hide her blushes..what would people say??got to scotch this, was her first thought..so she smiled oh so sweetly and said to the now gathering crowd..."anyone want a bite?" Someone replied "Nah don't know where its been"......

and has it got pickled gherkins in? No? Oh well its okay, cos I can see Boomer has a pickled gherkin in his pocket.....must have just put it there when Pammy fell a*se over t*t.... :blush:

Swinging bee
2nd-February-2005, 04:23 PM
and has it got pickled gherkins in? No? Oh well its okay, cos I can see Boomer has a pickled gherkin in his pocket.....must have just put it there when Pammy fell a*se over t*t.... :blush:
Would that be a jerkin with your gherkin or a gherkin in your jerkin then???? :wink:

Pammy
2nd-February-2005, 05:06 PM
I'd rather have a pickled egg if there's one going said Dougal, so long as it's been rolled in sugar.

Before Pammy could get her skirt down, the crowd dived for the sani, half starved that they all were - a hairy sweet doesn't go very far...

Pammy covered her eyes in terror as the crowd faught ever closer to her uplifted skirt. In an act of extreme smurfiness, the DS put his white slipper sock out in front of our dear Bardsey, and despite not being on a bike, and not going up pavement at the time, she still managed to lose her footing and fell open mouthed under Pammy's under-carriage. Instead of biting the sani, she took a huge mouthful of....

Bardsey
2nd-February-2005, 05:10 PM
I'd rather have a pickled egg if there's one going said Dougal, so long as it's been rolled in sugar.

Before Pammy could get her skirt down, the crowd dived for the sani, half starved that they all were - a hairy sweet doesn't go very far...

Pammy covered her eyes in terror as the crowd faught ever closer to her uplifted skirt. In an act of extreme smurfiness, the DS put his white slipper sock out in front of our dear Bardsey, and despite not being on a bike, and not going up pavement at the time, she still managed to lose her footing and fell open mouthed under Pammy's under-carriage. Instead of biting the sani, she took a huge mouthful of....

Boomer's gherkin! "Oi! You can wipe that smile right off your face this instant" shouted Pammy

DianaS
2nd-February-2005, 05:54 PM
There was uproar! The crowd went beserk!! and Pammy was swamped under a sea of bodies, clamboring for the sarnie which had by now slipped from her underskirts and was firmly lodged under Pammy's left ear...
"Stop nibling that AT ONCE!" Shouted BArdsley, fearing for her friends safety, and fought her way bravely through the now heaving throng, only to find Pammy quietly murmering ...

Pammy
2nd-February-2005, 05:59 PM
There was uproar! The crowd went beserk!! and Pammy was swamped under a sea of bodies, clamboring for the sarnie which had by now slipped from her underskirts and was firmly lodged under Pammy's left ear...
"Stop nibling that AT ONCE!" Shouted BArdsley, fearing for her friends safety, and fought her way bravely through the now heaving throng, only to find Pammy quietly murmering ...

"I say you guttersnipes, shall we play chinese whispers?"

Me first... Pammy cups her hand round Bardsey's ear and whispers..

"Gherkins are good for waxing wicker baskets..."

and then "Hurry, pass it on!"

drathzel
2nd-February-2005, 06:00 PM
There was uproar! The crowd went beserk!! and Pammy was swamped under a sea of bodies, clamboring for the sarnie which had by now slipped from her underskirts and was firmly lodged under Pammy's left ear...
"Stop nibling that AT ONCE!" Shouted BArdsley, fearing for her friends safety, and fought her way bravely through the now heaving throng, only to find Pammy quietly murmering ...

" i told boomer not to put in so much filling"...

DianaS
3rd-February-2005, 12:57 AM
"I say you guttersnipes, shall we play chinese whispers?"

Me first... Pammy cups her hand round Bardsey's ear and whispers..

"Gherkins are good for waxing wicker baskets..."

and then "Hurry, pass it on!"

Bardley turned to the person next to her, cupped her hand around his ear and whispered the inmmortal lines into his ear. His eyes opened wide and before she could say "hurry pass it on" he had swept her to one side grabbing the remnents of Pammy's sandwich with a quick circular movement. Pammy looked horrified, as the crowd roared and surged aroung Bardley and her captor. He waved the remments of the sadwich high in the air shouting wildly ONE MORE MOVE AND IT WILL BE THE END OF THIS!!
tHE dREADFUL sCATHE walked boldly into the now hushed crowd, "YOU heard him, one more move and its the end of this" HE CACKLED. Clicking his fingers, an apparition appeared over the heads of the speachless crowd. Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire were gliding through the purple sky and heavenly music was been played by a band of rock musicians, who were floating by on clouds of toffee.
As if in a trance the crowd gazed, stilled by the spectacle, slowly the music drew them to dance.
The dance was one that had never been seen before, and, as they danced, the guitar player raised her guitar over the sleeping heads of Bardley and Pammy, but just before she struck her final chord...

under par
3rd-February-2005, 02:19 AM
Bardley turned to the person next to her, cupped her hand around his ear and whispered the inmmortal lines into his ear. His eyes opened wide and before she could say "hurry pass it on" he had swept her to one side grabbing the remnents of Pammy's sandwich with a quick circular movement. Pammy looked horrified, as the crowd roared and surged aroung Bardley and her captor. He waved the remments of the sadwich high in the air shouting wildly ONE MORE MOVE AND IT WILL BE THE END OF THIS!!
tHE dREADFUL sCATHE walked boldly into the now hushed crowd, "YOU heard him, one more move and its the end of this" HE CACKLED. Clicking his fingers, an apparition appeared over the heads of the speachless crowd. Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire were gliding through the purple sky and heavenly music was been played by a band of rock musicians, who were floating by on clouds of toffee.
As if in a trance the crowd gazed, stilled by the spectacle, slowly the music drew them to dance.
The dance was one that had never been seen before, and, as they danced, the guitar player raised her guitar over the sleeping heads of Bardley and Pammy, but just before she struck her final chord...


WOW! WOW! I want more of this and I demand it now!


I'm on the edge of my seat!!!

Swinging bee
3rd-February-2005, 10:01 AM
Bardley turned to the person next to her, cupped her hand around his ear and whispered the inmmortal lines into his ear. His eyes opened wide and before she could say "hurry pass it on" he had swept her to one side grabbing the remnents of Pammy's sandwich with a quick circular movement. Pammy looked horrified, as the crowd roared and surged aroung Bardley and her captor. He waved the remments of the sadwich high in the air shouting wildly ONE MORE MOVE AND IT WILL BE THE END OF THIS!!
tHE dREADFUL sCATHE walked boldly into the now hushed crowd, "YOU heard him, one more move and its the end of this" HE CACKLED. Clicking his fingers, an apparition appeared over the heads of the speachless crowd. Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire were gliding through the purple sky and heavenly music was been played by a band of rock musicians, who were floating by on clouds of toffee.
As if in a trance the crowd gazed, stilled by the spectacle, slowly the music drew them to dance.
The dance was one that had never been seen before, and, as they danced, the guitar player raised her guitar over the sleeping heads of Bardley and Pammy, but just before she struck her final chord...



Someone broke wind...... shattering the magic moment...BUT WHO would stoop so low at such a moment??

DianaS
3rd-February-2005, 10:15 AM
<Swinging Bee HOW COULD YOU!>
The clouds darkened and thunder roared, lightening tore across the sky in the most dramatic electric storm ever witnessed in Birmingham, and the guitarist, fixing Swinging bee with a steady eye, struck her final chord.
At that moment knights in white satin were seen to decend from a stair way to heaven and whirling Pammy and Bardley up and away in to the heady heights of heaven the acopolyse began

Swinging bee
3rd-February-2005, 10:20 AM
beans beans are good for your heart the more you eat the more you....like them!

Dreadful Scathe
3rd-February-2005, 10:38 AM
At that moment knights in white satin were seen to decend from a stair way to heaven and whirling Pammy and Bardley up and away in to the heady heights of heaven the acopolyse began

..its all going to plan :)

DianaS
3rd-February-2005, 11:19 AM
Pammy and BArdley found them selves gliding upwards. Higher and higher they went, and opening their eyes slowly found themselves looking into the eyes of someone who seemed rather familliar, although they couldn't quite place the face.
"Where are we going and where are you taking us" asked Pammy, rather sharply, as, although it felt quite heavenly, she wasn't quite sure about where it was all leading to.. "yes and what's going on down there" said BArdley struggling to sound cross, while snuggling into the rather devine chest she found herself nesting against.
"Yes that too!" said Pammy, rather more loudly than she needed.
"We are taking you to paradise" said the god in whose arms Bardley nestled, "this world is over now. You have earned your place in heaven - all the best dancers are there. We should be just in time for the tea-dance"
"Oh" said Pammy "that sounds nice, so they serve scones or is it just flapjack?" "Eh, hang on" said Bardley "if this is paradise we are going to surely..."

Pammy
3rd-February-2005, 12:48 PM
$**$...

Bardsey's last word couldn't be heard. Someone else had broken wind...

"Hey, wait a minute", said Pammy, "There's no farting in heaven... is there?"

Swinging bee
3rd-February-2005, 01:12 PM
$**$...

Bardsey's last word couldn't be heard. Someone else had broken wind...

"Hey, wait a minute", said Pammy, "There's no farting in heaven... is there?"
"No, you are quite correct " said a voice ....."just a minute "thought Pammy "I know who that is, it's Andy McGregor." ...."Where are we then ?" said Pammy..."Room 101. with a difference ." was the reply.....

Pammy
3rd-February-2005, 02:45 PM
"No, you are quite correct " said a voice ....."just a minute "thought Pammy "I know who that is, it's Andy McGregor." ...."Where are we then ?" said Pammy..."Room 101. with a difference ." was the reply.....

Do you think the only way out is to sleep with Paul Merton?

DianaS
3rd-February-2005, 03:03 PM
"Do it.. do it! do it!!!!" Came a huge chorus in reply

or
"Do it.. do it! do it!!!!" In reply a huge choir came
Take your pick :devil:

Swinging bee
3rd-February-2005, 03:06 PM
Do you think the only way out is to sleep with Paul Merton?


Yes maybe .. either way . I think you have to talk him into pulling that big knob .....or something like that

Pammy
3rd-February-2005, 05:48 PM
It's getting a bit worrying now though as I'm not sure if Bard's and I are dead and if we are, that would be accusing Paul of being into something oh so unpleasant... :tears:

Swinging bee
3rd-February-2005, 06:06 PM
Heroines never die they just go from adventure to adventure.... what next?....A little voyeurism maybe, in the hollw tree boudoire........I wonder who is there ? and what they are doing ....What is that buzzing noise?........

DianaS
3rd-February-2005, 06:13 PM
It's getting a bit worrying now though as I'm not sure if Bard's and I are dead and if we are, that would be accusing Paul of being into something oh so unpleasant... :tears:
...I'm sure you're not dead. Perhaps you've trancended one form of reality and are now on a much higher plane...
..or perhaps that gerkin was laced with some mind altering substance and your still on this earth...although hallucuinating cruelly...
Its ANYONES guess :cool:

Swinging bee
8th-February-2005, 10:19 AM
Heroines never die they just go from adventure to adventure.... what next?....A little voyeurism maybe, in the hollw tree boudoire........I wonder who is there ? and what they are doing ....What is that buzzing noise?........
There in the hollow Tree stood Andy dressed in his latest costume. "Freddie " from the Texas chainsaw thingy.. In his hand was an electric chainsaw !.....cowering in a corner was sheepy...on the other side of the room stood Under Par, with his truncheon out....Oh dear, what an earth had been going on?.........

under par
8th-February-2005, 10:23 AM
There in the hollow Tree stood Andy dressed in his latest costume. "Freddie " from the Texas chainsaw thingy.. In his hand was an electric chainsaw !.....cowering in a corner was sheepy...on the other side of the room stood Under Par, with his truncheon out....Oh dear, what an earth had been going on?.........

.....and where had the hairy sherbet lemon got to ? ? ?

Pammy
8th-February-2005, 10:53 AM
.....and where had the hairy sherbet lemon got to ? ? ?

Andy chained it. It's now a dib-dab without the dib.

Swinging bee
8th-February-2005, 12:23 PM
Andy chained it. It's now a dib-dab without the dib.
But what the saw wielding McGregor didn't realise was that there was no sherbert inside this lemon it was......

Bardsey
8th-February-2005, 12:44 PM
But what the saw wielding McGregor didn't realise was that there was no sherbert inside this lemon it was......

Pure icing sugar (isn't that the new street-name for Crack???) which as we all know, sends the McGregster into a complete overly energetic dance frenzy.

DianaS
8th-February-2005, 01:05 PM
Pure icing sugar (isn't that the new street-name for Crack???) which as we all know, sends the McGregster into a complete overly energetic dance frenzy.
with or with out his union jack jocks? My imagery is getting confused!

Bardsey
8th-February-2005, 01:24 PM
with or with out his union jack jocks? My imagery is getting confused!


Or his squined thongs even! Now what does that do to your confused imagery? I've seen them at extremely close quarters and I can tell you, my imagery is completely shot to peices now :rofl:

DianaS
8th-February-2005, 01:56 PM
Or his squined thongs even! Now what does that do to your confused imagery? I've seen them at extremely close quarters and I can tell you, my imagery is completely shot to peices now :rofl:
definatly can't cope with that
I'll have to lie down
:cheers:

Swinging bee
8th-February-2005, 03:59 PM
Or his squined thongs even! Now what does that do to your confused imagery? I've seen them at extremely close quarters and I can tell you, my imagery is completely shot to peices now :rofl:
You would have to pretty low to to see such a spectacle....you poor thing! Have you tried counselling??
But wait Sheepy has escaped!!!!!.... Under Par with his tool in his hand approaches the gyrating Andy........

DianaS
8th-February-2005, 05:47 PM
You would have to pretty low to to see such a spectacle....you poor thing! Have you tried counselling??
But wait Sheepy has escaped!!!!!.... Under Par with his tool in his hand approaches the gyrating Andy........
OMG!! What happens NEXT!! :what:

Swinging bee
8th-February-2005, 07:52 PM
OMG!! What happens NEXT!! :what:

The slippery one was too quick for approaching Under Par ,with a quickness of the hand that decieves the eye, he reached out and grabbed the phalus shaped truncheon whisking it from the upstretched arm before it had time to damage him. Spining round he made for the door and in his haste he came just too close to the door handle which caught on his pocket ripping his "Freddie suit" : from his person, exposing..... :wink:

Pammy
9th-February-2005, 10:11 AM
yet another truncheon?

DianaS who was lying down recovering - not the best place to be whilst under the McGregsters squinned pants as you get even more of an eye-full from down there, passed out in shock.

The unmasked beholder grabbed DianaS's donkey?? that was sitting under the hollow tree. The face of the unmasked beholder turned and it was ...

Swinging bee
9th-February-2005, 10:28 AM
yet another truncheon?

DianaS who was lying down recovering - not the best place to be whilst under the McGregsters squinned pants as you get even more of an eye-full from down there, passed out in shock.

The unmasked beholder grabbed DianaS's donkey?? that was sitting under the hollow tree. The face of the unmasked beholder turned and it was ...
Frankie Detori......

DianaS
9th-February-2005, 10:33 AM
yet another truncheon?

DianaS who was lying down recovering - not the best place to be whilst under the McGregsters squinned pants as you get even more of an eye-full from down there, passed out in shock.

The unmasked beholder grabbed DianaS's donkey?? that was sitting under the hollow tree. The face of the unmasked beholder turned and it was ...
not a donkey, :tears: it's an ass :devil:

under par
9th-February-2005, 10:34 AM
Frankie Detori......


NOT ANOTHER SHORT PERSON!!!!! AARRGGGHHHH in the Hollow tree :eek:

We will end this story at a sub atomic particle level if we carry on like this :whistle: (So the Darwin theory goes!!)

DianaS
9th-February-2005, 10:49 AM
Frankie grabbed DianaS ass, and she came too with a start. Proclaiming "Get your hand off my ass, YOU'RE never riding that!" she fixed him with an unblinking stare.. :rofl:

Swinging bee
9th-February-2005, 11:37 AM
Frankie grabbed DianaS ass, and she came too with a start. Proclaiming "Get your hand off my ass, YOU'RE never riding that!" she fixed him with an unblinking stare.. :rofl:


he stopped in his tracks and said " you are so a beautiful ....when you are angry ..I wanna make a love a to you under the stars .. we will make a de beautiful a music"..he produced from his pocket a .....

DianaS
9th-February-2005, 11:41 AM
he stopped in his tracks and said " you are so a beautiful ....when you are angry ..I wanna make a love a to you under the stars .. we will make a de beautiful a music"..he produced from his pocket a .....
big juicy carrott, which which he tried to lure the poor ass away. Diana looked on shellshocked and she swooned (AGAIN!)

Swinging bee
9th-February-2005, 03:26 PM
big juicy carrott, which which he tried to lure the poor ass away. Diana looked on shellshocked and she swooned (AGAIN!)
With the carrot firmly in his grasp he mounted the Ass, which made the oddest of noises.. could it be that

DianaS
9th-February-2005, 03:47 PM
Sorry I've swooned, couldn't possibly comment don't ya know! :na:

Swinging bee
9th-February-2005, 05:36 PM
Sorry I've swooned, couldn't possibly comment don't ya know! :na:
Yes of course.....ones reputation has to be protected....However on with the tail? With a "tallyho" ..HE.......

DianaS
10th-February-2005, 11:33 AM
Yes of course.....ones reputation has to be protected....However on with the tail? With a "tallyho" ..HE.......
attemepted one of his infamous flying dismounts and found himself sailing through the air. The ass had bucked at the vital moment and he crashed head first into the Hollow tree.
He was instantly killed and Diana awoke to find herfself lying next to a corpse with the ass looking innocently on, munching loudly on a juicy carrot..
:clap:
See image (http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/in_depth/2001/royal_ascot/1387323.stm)

Swinging bee
10th-February-2005, 12:36 PM
attemepted one of his infamous flying dismounts and found himself sailing through the air. The ass had bucked at the vital moment and he crashed head first into the Hollow tree.
He was instantly killed and Diana awoke to find herfself lying next to a corpse with the ass looking innocently on, munching loudly on a juicy carrot..
:clap:
See image (http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/in_depth/2001/royal_ascot/1387323.stm)
Under Par was the star witness to the debacle, he took out his notebook and pencil and walked towards the scene , approaching the ass he said. "Name?" there was of course no reply. Diana said "don't be silly, my Ass hasn't got a name." If it did I, would call it......... :drool:

DianaS
10th-February-2005, 12:40 PM
"Roger of course.." then she started giggling hopelessly and said "No sorry I'm just being silly, the asses name is Camilla"

Pammy
10th-February-2005, 01:28 PM
Under Par said "I hear you're getting married"?

DianaS
10th-February-2005, 03:58 PM
Diana looked a little dazed, stroked Camilla's back and said " she may be an ass, but I'm very fond of her. We've shared alot, but I'm not sure about marriage"
UnderPar looked confused for a moment before...

Bardsey
10th-February-2005, 04:11 PM
Under Par said "I hear you're getting married"?

Grrrr! :angry: Don't start me on that one!!!! I think I might just have to start a "Should Charles and Camilla Wed?" thread

Swinging bee
10th-February-2005, 04:53 PM
Grrrr! :angry: Don't start me on that one!!!! I think I might just have to start a "Should Charles and Camilla Wed?" thread
Now theres a thing !! I always knew Charlie was in to the equine species.......If there could be such a thing who would you have as the king and queen ot the hollow tree (or the modernjive fraternity come to that.)..and why? MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

DianaS
11th-February-2005, 12:20 AM
"Bags me be Queen" said Diana loudly coming around at once
"It's something I've always dreamt of..."
she looked around quickly and spotting Andy's face said rather too quickly "but we can ofcourse have more than one Queen" ...
a kind of wistfulness came over andy's face...
and he said I'll do it if you lend me THAT skirt LINK (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?p=105035#post105035)
and with a flash...

Pammy
11th-February-2005, 11:20 AM
...er?

Swinging bee
11th-February-2005, 11:46 AM
"Bags me be Queen" said Diana loudly coming around at once
"It's something I've always dreamt of..."
she looked around quickly and spotting Andy's face said rather too quickly "but we can ofcourse have more than one Queen" ...
a kind of wistfulness came over andy's face...
and he said I'll do it if you lend me THAT skirt LINK (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?p=105035#post105035)
and with a flash...
Well go on ....what did he flash??????

Bardsey
11th-February-2005, 02:11 PM
Well go on ....what did he flash??????

Can I just ask a question? I'm a little confused here now. :confused:How did the McGregster go from being the Head of the Dept of Wiggling and illustrious builder and commander of the Hollow Tree to being the bad guy? Huh? Eh? Anybody?????? Seems to me that if we got him to the floor and stripped him, bathed him and scrubbed him with a loafer, he just might come up BLUE!!! with a little pointy thing (on his head, I mean, you know, his hat thingy!) :confused:

Swinging bee
11th-February-2005, 03:18 PM
Can I just ask a question? I'm a little confused here now. :confused:How did the McGregster go from being the Head of the Dept of Wiggling and illustrious builder and commander of the Hollow Tree to being the bad guy? Huh? Eh? Anybody?????? Seems to me that if we got him to the floor and stripped him, bathed him and scrubbed him with a loafer, he just might come up BLUE!!! with a little pointy thing (on his head, I mean, you know, his hat thingy!) :confused:
People change in life. as well as on the forum ...thats what keeps life interesting.....and boy has the hollow tree been interesting....eastenders! POO! coronation street POO!...give me a hollow stump any day......... :innocent:

Pammy
11th-February-2005, 05:24 PM
Hey pal, whose stump are you calling hollow??? :mad:

This is how rumours start you know! :tears:

We'll need you to provide a sample of your own wood so we can check it's capabilities :whistle:

PS Bardsey is voted in as Chief tester! :devil:

Swinging bee
11th-February-2005, 08:20 PM
:whistle:
Hey pal, whose stump are you calling hollow??? :mad:

This is how rumours start you know! :tears:

We'll need you to provide a sample of your own wood so we can check it's capabilities :whistle:

PS Bardsey is voted in as Chief tester! :devil:

(It is nice to know there some "game" people out there..) On the question of stumps, the kind of timber is all important. What kind of tree is the hollow tree? oak is good, very rigid. Ash bends too much .Balsa, useless, too soft and likely wear away in no time .... I had a truncheon made from lignum vitae ... wow what a performer....Under Par would know about that :devil: However I digress.....Bardsey you've got the job!...there are characters in the hollow tree that need taking in hand!! :whistle: Now about that Queen...........

CJ
11th-February-2005, 10:13 PM
Hey pal, whose stump are you calling hollow??? :mad:


Well, there is ONE forumite, at least, that I know has a hollow stump. Hell, for sure he must empty his stump often enough.... :wink:

DianaS
12th-February-2005, 02:31 PM
Can I just ask a question? I'm a little confused here now. :confused:How did the McGregster go from being the Head of the Dept of Wiggling and illustrious builder and commander of the Hollow Tree to being the bad guy? Huh? Eh? Anybody?????? Seems to me that if we got him to the floor and stripped him, bathed him and scrubbed him with a loafer, he just might come up BLUE!!! with a little pointy thing (on his head, I mean, you know, his hat thingy!) :confused:

Hmmm I didn't know that Andy WAS becoming the bad guy I thought he was the sort of Hollow tree sex symbol that strutted his stuff in a union jack jock uhhhm G strings
as as for stripping and scrubbing him that must be just another female fantasy Baaarrrdsleeyyy :innocent:

Swinging bee
12th-February-2005, 04:33 PM
Hmmm I didn't know that Andy WAS becoming the bad guy I thought he was the sort of Hollow tree sex symbol that strutted his stuff in a union jack jock uhhhm G strings
as as for stripping and scrubbing him that must be just another female fantasy Baaarrrdsleeyyy :innocent:
This raises the question then ..just who is the object of the ultimate fantasy in the hollow tree saga?.....Could it be Sheepy with his sexy woolly Jumper ,so smooth ..and just what does it hide!...Maybe the truncheon of Under Par is a draw.... Could the moth eaten squins of the McGregor bring out the motherly thingy? ....just who does it for you?..(this applies to male ,female or "other") ....the saga continues.................................

Dreadful Scathe
3rd-December-2006, 06:17 PM
Can I just ask a question? I'm a little confused here now. :confused:How did the McGregster go from being the Head of the Dept of Wiggling and illustrious builder and commander of the Hollow Tree to being the bad guy? Huh? Eh? Anybody?????? Seems to me that if we got him to the floor and stripped him, bathed him and scrubbed him with a loafer, he just might come up BLUE!!! with a little pointy thing (on his head, I mean, you know, his hat thingy!) :confused:


The forces of S.M.U.R.F grow stronger. McGregor has been a valuable ally in the last 2 years :) ;)

Andy McGregor
4th-December-2006, 12:07 PM
The forces of S.M.U.R.F grow stronger. McGregor has been a valuable ally in the last 2 years :) ;)But am I a double agent? Is DS on a mission to the Nederlands to collect cheap, lowland wiggles to, once again :yawn: try to flood the British market with sub-standard wiggling?

The agents and inspectors from the Department of Wiggling have been vigilant over the past 2 years and the fruit of their labours can be seen in the standard of wiggling throughout the land. But we must be tireless in our work. Even now the forces of SMURF are massing on our borders with their lorries: ready to sweep across our island with their cheap, shoddy products.

And they've now got GM wiggles to try to trick us. Once these have got into the wiggling gene pool it will take a massive breeding programme spanning generations to breed out the aberrant genes.

Note to inspectors: - GM wiggles can be easily detected. The original genetic material was taken from Labrador DNA. Therefore wiggles from this source will be accompanied by general tongue lolling from one side of the mouth and a tendency to lick partners faces :sick: Recommended remedial action - throw a stick out of the dance hall and lock the doors and fire-escapes.

Lynn
4th-December-2006, 12:28 PM
Note to inspectors: - GM wiggles can be easily detected. The original genetic material was taken from Labrador DNA. Therefore wiggles from this source will be accompanied by general tongue lolling from one side of the mouth and a tendency to lick partners faces :sick: I've always wondered why some dance partners did that. :what:


Recommended remedial action - throw a stick out of the dance hall and lock the doors and fire-escapes. *Searches round on ground at base of tree for stick to pack in dance bag*

Pammy
4th-December-2006, 07:10 PM
scrubbed him with a loafer

When in Nederlands or Nederegions apparently using a shoe to scrub ones dance partner (in the correct spot) is considered the "suitable dance protocol", however, only if one is a true wiggler.

Andy doesn't suit loafers, he's more a stilleto man, and as such I put it to you that it is infact the Bardster who has been working under cover these past lonnnnnng months.

Even now she can be found, boozing the nights away in seedy bars eating rotten fish at mid-summer solstis, eagerly looking for anyone with a poor sideways thrust to recruit to her band of underworld wigglers... :tears:

Beowulf
4th-December-2006, 07:22 PM
eating rotten fish at mid-summer solstis,

Solstis.. a disease caused by long summer days? Or a carbonated caffeinated energy drink (http://www.solstis.co.uk/)?

not to be confused with solstice (http://scienceworld.wolfram.com/astronomy/SummerSolstice.html)

Pedant mode disengaged

Bardsey
5th-December-2006, 01:18 PM
Even now she can be found, boozing the nights away in seedy bars eating rotten fish at mid-summer solstis, eagerly looking for anyone with a poor sideways thrust to recruit to her band of underworld wigglers... :tears:

This doesn't, of course, make me a bad person! Seedy bars? Boozing the nights away? There are those amongst my esteemed brethren who obviously know me only too well!!:whistle:

Pammy
5th-December-2006, 11:43 PM
Solstis.. a disease caused by long summer days? Or a carbonated caffeinated energy drink (http://www.solstis.co.uk/)?

not to be confused with solstice (http://scienceworld.wolfram.com/astronomy/SummerSolstice.html)

Pedant mode disengaged

The Solstis; isn't that like a reverse comb? :whistle:

Anyway, if you find Andy McGregor, he'll tell you as he showed me the move in the dark outside one night.

Ask him yourself, he's currently to be found browsing toddler groups, amongst the germy looking for suitable grincers...

Bardsey
6th-December-2006, 12:56 PM
Ask him yourself, he's currently to be found browsing toddler groups, amongst the germy looking for suitable grincers...

Ermmm......couldn't he get locked up for that???:what: