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Andy McGregor
25th-November-2003, 11:22 AM
Re Unauthorised Sick Leave

It has come to our notice in the Department of Wiggling that you are currently failing to comply with your Contract of Employment. You have failed to make the agreed number of postings in the contract period and have failed to log in by 9am on Monday and Tuesday of this week.

You have given some feeble excuse that you have contracted a dose of the Dreadful Scathe and your nose and tongue have turned blue. We do not believe this for one second.

I have texted you a message of goodwill saying "Get well soon. We need our Wigglester". This is not a request, it is an instruction. Failure to follow this instruction may result in the withdrawal of your Licence to Wiggle.

Yours truly.

Andy McGregor
Wiggling Calibration Manager

ChrisA
25th-November-2003, 01:24 PM
To: Wiggling Calibration Manager

Sir,

As a junior operative in your department with aspirations to the status of "functionary", may I draw to your attention another miscreant, for whom disciplinary proceedings may soon be necessary.

Boomer, too, is systematically failing to perform to expectations. Though he has logged on, his contributions have been infrequent, and worryingly coherent when they have been seen.

I understand he and Ms Pamster have been away together for a weekend of disgraceful frivolity recently. Such a revelation is shocking enough on its own, but if, as it now appears, they are both too fatigued to post (and I hardly think dancing is sufficient excuse), further inquisitorial proceedings do seem to be warranted.

Yours, etc

Andy McGregor
25th-November-2003, 04:14 PM
Dear Inquisitor (Wiggling Division)

You are authorised to carry out a full investigation of this situation.

Please distribute you report to myself and to the Heads of Gossip Procurement and Inter-Species Rumour Studies (primate division).

I must say that I believe reports of sensible postings by Boomer are likely to be grossly exaggerated.

I will, receive your report in person at Hipsters tonight.

Regards.

Andy

foxylady
25th-November-2003, 05:10 PM
I was under the impression that the 'inquisitor' under the guise of investigating the wiggling properties demonstrated at an alternative location, would not be at Hipsters, and would, thus, not be able to deliver his reply 'in person'.

Yours
an interested party

Mikey
25th-November-2003, 05:16 PM
Originally posted by foxylady
I was under the impression that the 'inquisitor' under the guise of investigating the wiggling properties demonstrated at an alternative location, would not be at Hipsters, and would, thus, not be able to deliver his reply 'in person'.

Yours
an interested party


The "inquisitor" is more likely to be interested in the "Calibration Managers" wiggle
:what: but Chris is steering clear of seducers and tea bagging discussed the other day But we shall see tonight at hipsters, would make for an interesting dance demo...:grin:

ChrisA
25th-November-2003, 05:35 PM
Originally posted by foxylady
I was under the impression that the 'inquisitor' under the guise of investigating the wiggling properties demonstrated at an alternative location, would not be at Hipsters, and would, thus, not be able to deliver his reply 'in person'.

Quite correct. A thorough investigation of wiggles of various magnitudes is to be conducted, for comparison purposes only, at a control location in the depths of Surrey.

When complete, a comprehensive and detailed report will be submitted at the aforementioned office.

The estimated completion date of said report is now Wednesday.

Yours,

Chris, Inquisitor, Wiggling Division

Andy McGregor
25th-November-2003, 05:40 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by foxylady
I was under the impression that the 'inquisitor' under the guise of investigating the wiggling properties demonstrated at an alternative location,[/QUOTE


Dear Interested Party

I believe you are hinting that our inquisitor has been unduly distracted by wiggling at another location. This is not the case. He is charged with a solemn duty to seek out wigglers wherever thay may be and investigate the full extent of their wiggles with a view to them being calibrated at a later date. He is nothing if not diligent in the discharge of these duties.

I am confident that I will receive his full report at our Weekly Wiggling Workshop.

Yours.

Andy

Dreadful Scathe
25th-November-2003, 06:34 PM
Dear Wiggling Calibration Manager

I believe two of your operatives, namely primate Boomer and his handler Pammy, were very recently at an alternative venue in the far north - a climate clearly not suited for a normal primate. I put it to you: perhaps his plans were sinister in nature?

The disgraceful frivolity mentioned by your Inquisitor was not evident at this location, in fact, said primate was heard to complain about 'not finding the workshops' which quite clearly suggests to me, and no doubt other intellectuals, the idea of gorillas building 'A-team' style weapons of mass destruction and hunting the human race down like dogs.

As a favour to me and the rest of the human race, could you please put bromide in his tea at the earliest opportunity.

Yours, in someone elses underwear

Beatrice Perriwinkle (retired)

Andy McGregor
25th-November-2003, 07:32 PM
Dear Ms Periwinkle

Your recent correspondence has been received with some consternation in our department. Firstly, Pammy has been failing to Post or Wiggle. And Boomer is posting completely sensible and reasonable material that anyone could understand. For these reasons I believe that these two are IMPOSTERS!!!

TheY did mount a mission to Smurf to complete a study titled 'Wiggling in a Cold Climate with a Hot Primate'. But the pair who returned are obviously not the pair who left. They are a reasonable simulacrum inasmuch as they look like the operatives who departed by EasyWiggle Airlines on Friday last. But the are not the ones who returned.

I believe you have the two missing operatives held captive in Smurf while your two SPIES try to learn our secret wiggles. We are not fooled for a second. This may come as a surprise to you but you can KEEP the Pammy and Boomer you have - we rather like the new ones, especially the blue tongue of the New Pamster(tm) - although getting used to a Boomer that makes sense will take some time. Over the next few days we will 'turn' your agents by showing them the error of their ways (and how much warmer/drier it is down here). The New Boomer(tm) may require more persuading. We will begin with that well-known date-rape drug that works only on men - down here we call it 'beer'.

And don't give me that Beatrice Periwinkle rubbish. We have a department that tracks your every move - Mr D S Bluewinkle and your evil organisation S.M.U.R.F. (Scottish Men's Untimely Right Foot)!!! The blue smurfy marks on the notepaper you used were enough to give the game away.

I expect you'll be thinking up more evil plans to get your hands on our wiggles. You will fail everytime.

Hahahahahahaaaaaaa

Yours sincerely

Andy McGregor
Defence Against Dark Wiggles

p.s. We've had to guess the meaning of S.M.U.R.F. Well get it out of the New Boomer(tm) while he's under the influence of 'beer'

ChrisA
25th-November-2003, 07:38 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Defence Against Dark Wiggles

Sir,

Forgive an impertinent subordinate interrupting like this, but is it not the case that it is the Inquisitor who assumes the title of "Defence against Dark Wiggles"?

Chris, Inquisitor, getting more demented by the minute

Andy McGregor
25th-November-2003, 07:43 PM
Originally posted by ChrisA
Sir,

Forgive an impertinent subordinate interrupting like this, but is it not the case that it is the Inquisitor who assumes the title of "Defence against Dark Wiggles"?

Chris, Inquisitor, getting more demented by the minute

Dear Inquisitor

I regard 'Defense Against Dark Wiggles' as a pan-departmental function which may be adopted during a wiggle rationing crisis such as we are currently experiencing.

Andy

Jon L
25th-November-2003, 07:47 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Dear Inquisitor

I regard 'Defense Against Dark Wiggles' as a pan-departmental function which may be adopted during a wiggle rationing crisis such as we are currently experiencing.

Andy


Hmmm...... The blue tongued wiggler has disappeared eh???

Divissima
25th-November-2003, 11:55 PM
Intra-office memo:

To: Grand Inquisitor and Purveyor of Defence against Dark Wiggles
From: Field Operative #451 (Codename: Div/1)
Subject: Search and Retrieve operation (Codename: Highland Highjinks

FO Div/1 regrets to inform that, despite going deep undercover upover the border (viz. Smurfland), have been unable to track the whereabouts of layabouts and delinquent wigglers Pammster and Boomaster. Rumours abound of Dark Wiggles spreading across the land.

Further disturbing but asyet unconfirmed reports of gross dereliction of duty by Inquisitor ChrisAwiggle. Failing to top up Hipsters wigglometer leaves venue seriously short of satisfied ladies this evening. Calibration story merely smokescreen for untoward smurf-related activities in Darkest Surrey.

Fear infiltration of Department of Wiggle Calibration and Promulgation by darkest forces viz.


Chris, Inquisitor, getting more dementored by the minute
Request authorisation for deepundercover sting operation to entrap renegade inquisitor tomorrow night, W5.

Over and out. Live long and wiggle.

ChrisA
26th-November-2003, 01:34 AM
Memo: Covert Operation, Interim Report
To: Wiggling Calibration Manager
From: Inquisitor, Dept of Wiggling

Executive summary:

Wiggling coefficients observed to be generally high and increasing, facilitated by a low average wiggler density (hereinafter to be referred to as "WD", see definition to follow in full report).

Regret no evidence of renegade wigglers detected.

Further observations required for final confirmation of preliminary conclusions: recommend deep cover operation, preferably via WCS as diversion, followed by further foray into Surrey territory next week. Operative to masquerade as beginners class demonstrator. Black clothing required, serious risk to cover if any glitter in evidence. Detailed report to follow. Stop.

ChrisA
26th-November-2003, 01:44 AM
Originally posted by Divissima
Chris, Inquisitor, getting more dementored by the minute

FO Div/1's diligence is to be commended, but her fears regarding the suspected subversion of the department's inquisitor are groundless.

In which context we expect, o, our patron, um, to be staggered by the success of our current mission.

Chris, Inquisitor, full report to follow

ChrisA
26th-November-2003, 02:41 AM
Memo: Covert Operation, Full Report, Section 1
To: Wiggling Calibration Manager
From: Inquisitor, Dept of Wiggling
Location: Surrey, Bisley

Sir,

High wiggling coefficients (WC), both female (WCf) and to a lesser extent male (WCm) were in evidence, facilitated by low average wiggler densities (WDs). WD = #wigglers/floor area. Unlike our Hipsters datum, the WCm was refreshingly low, allowing our departmental emissary to blend selectively into the background with carefully chosen female wigglers, of types "low experience female wigglers" (WFLE), and the corresponding WFHE.

Both types were present, if not in high quantity, nevertheless in outstanding quality, and also, it has to be reported, of outstanding beauty.

For the purposes of this report, the WCm has been disregarded, in order, better, to focus on the most important qualities of the WCf in evidence. This operative recommends a departmental inquisitoress be sent, fully to investigate the shades of WCm present. It shouldn't take long.

To maintain our departmental records at their usual level of detail and completeness, the following female wigglers were observed to contribute outstandingly to the cumulative WC:

Christine: phwoar.

Marilene: woooooooo woooooooo yessssssssssss

Cathy: particularly fine, though retired unexpectedly sick during analysis period. Later deemed to have been too keen to dance, despite early evidence of illness. Commiserations offered :tears:

Jane: matrimonial offers under consideration

Sundry others, identities not yet established, yet to be formally recruited to the postition of inquisitor's assistant.

Sir: Leave of absence requested for period not exceeeding 18 hours, for purposes relating to recovery of inquisitor and regaining of investigational energies.

Andy McGregor
26th-November-2003, 03:23 AM
Dear Inquisitor

Your request for 18 hours leave is accepted. Your work in compiling your most recent report has been exemplary and it would be curlish of me to deny you time to recover your energies after your essential work in such a wiggle rich environment.

You are required to cover for me in my absence at Wiggling Central, Ealing Division as I will be on a non-wiggling mission of extreme tedium.

This evening I attended Hipsters to compare WCs. I can report that WCf exceeded WCm by a factor of 3.27. I have removed my own wiggling from the equation for the sake of research - had it been included I can report that WCm>WCf by a factor of 2.03 (p=0.05). WD was, overall, poor. Lindy Hoppers, code named Wiggle And Now Kick (hereinafter called WANK) were in evidence in high proportion and these guys kick&kick instead of wiggle - perverts:wink:

I depend on you, as Inquisitor to cover for my absence on Wednesday. This requires the wearing of glitter. A great sacrifice for you but better than dressing in all black - but then what isn't better than such a modern jive cliche?

A full report is required by 0100 27th Sept 03.

McGregster out.

ChrisA
26th-November-2003, 03:37 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Your request for 18 hours leave is accepted.

You are required to cover for me in my absence at Wiggling Central, Ealing Division as I will be on a non-wiggling mission of extreme tedium.

Thank you sir. Your example, is, as ever, greatly appreciated. I trust you will be proselytising any non-wigglers you encounter.


I depend on you, as Inquisitor to cover for my absence on Wednesday. This requires the wearing of glitter. A great sacrifice for you but better than dressing in all black
The wearing of glitter should be possible, subject to the transfer thereof, from suitable candidates for the post of inquisitor's assistant.

You may be assured, sir, that all efforts towards achieval of same will be undertaken.

Your obedient servant,

I. nquisitor, codename Coolster, out

Tiggerbabe
26th-November-2003, 10:19 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
WD was, overall, poor. Lindy Hoppers, code named Wiggle And Now Kick (hereinafter called WANK) were in evidence in high proportion and these guys kick&kick instead of wiggle - perverts:wink:

Sheena - WWL (Wiggling with laughter) :rofl: :rofl:

TheTramp
26th-November-2003, 10:31 AM
Trampy - TYABDTM (Thinking you've all been drinking too much) :na:

Steve

Andy McGregor
26th-November-2003, 11:59 AM
Originally posted by TheTramp
Trampy - TYABDTM (Thinking you've all been drinking too much) :na:

Steve

Dear Agent Trampster

You were sent to the frozen North to do missionary work with the Ladies of Scotland. You mission was code named 'Infiltrate and Make 'em Wiggle'. We have not received your progress report and can only assume you've been subverted.

We will mount a rescue mission by air in the new year. Please be patient and try to stay true to the cause in these difficult times. Remember your motto 'I've got a wiggle, it's loaded and I'm prepared to use it'.

Yours in sympathy.

McGregster

Bardsey
26th-November-2003, 01:23 PM
Undercover deep-field agent Bardster reporting

Deepest darkest Yorkshire Wednesday 26 Nov 03

Upon opening my "Top Secret - For Your Eyes Only" missive this morning, I note the ongoing investigation for the missing Wigglers. There are quite a few under observation at the moment in my operative area, but none who match said description.

May I assure you Sir, that I will be extremely observant and diligent in this matter and should said degenerates infiltrate into Yorkshire, I will ring the Ster-phone and contact you immediately.


Bardster - Agent WAW (wiggle-a*se worm)

Dreadful Scathe
26th-November-2003, 02:26 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor

I believe you have the two missing operatives held captive in Smurf while your two SPIES try to learn our secret wiggles. We are not fooled for a second. This may come as a surprise to you but you can KEEP the Pammy and Boomer you have - we rather like the new ones, especially the blue tongue of the New Pamster(tm) - although getting used to a Boomer that makes sense will take some time. Over the next few days we will 'turn' your agents by showing them the error of their ways (and how much warmer/drier it is down here). The New Boomer(tm) may require more persuading. We will begin with that well-known date-rape drug that works only on men - down here we call it 'beer'.

My plans for world domination shall not be thwarted by the likes of you and your team of clog footed dancing misfits McGregster. Further incursions from your so called 'trained operatives' shall result in the same scenario - they will be captured, questioned and brainwashed. Turns out to be extremely cost affective as Ive found that so far their brains have required very little in the way of washing - I do after all have to think about the bottom line, global domination costs money and our venture capitalists are running scared after the dot-com crash (www.world--domination.org...'bringing governments to their knees since 1965').

Rest assured S.M.U.R.F. will triumph and theres nothing you or your prancing chihuahuas can do about it.
muhahah-hahahAHAAHAHAHaAHAAH...cough!

TheTramp
26th-November-2003, 02:31 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
My plans for world domination shall not be thwarted by the likes of you and your team of clog footed dancing misfits McGregster. Further incursions from your so called 'trained operatives' shall result in the same scenario - they will be captured, questioned and brainwashed. Turns out to be extremely cost affective as Ive found that so far their brains have required very little in the way of washing - I do after all have to think about the bottom line, global domination costs money and our venture capitalists are running scared after the dot-com crash (www.world--domination.org...'bringing governments to their knees since 1965').

Rest assured S.M.U.R.F. will triumph and theres nothing you or your prancing chihuahuas can do about it.
muhahah-hahahAHAAHAHAHaAHAAH...cough! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:cheers:

(Enough said I think)

Steve

Divissima
26th-November-2003, 02:35 PM
MEMO - EXTREMELY URGENT AND TOP SECRET

To: McGregster
From: FO Div/01
New intelligence received.
Abort 'Trojan Chihuahua' strategy effective immediately. They are on to us. Repeat strategy cover blown, immediate withdrawal of all covert canines recommended.

Woof!

This memo with self-destruct in 5 seconds

Emma
26th-November-2003, 02:36 PM
Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
Rest assured S.M.U.R.F. will triumph and theres nothing you or your prancing chihuahuas can do about it.
muhahah-hahahAHAAHAHAHaAHAAH...cough! Uh Oh....think the blue one's medication needs altering again...nurse!

Andy McGregor
26th-November-2003, 05:01 PM
MEMORANDUM

To: PR Department

From: McGregster

Date: 26th Novembster 2003

Subject: Apathy amongst the General Public to wiggling secrets
and Importation of cheap EuroWiggles

It has come to our attention that certain members of the public think the debate about wiggling is frivilous, insane or due to the influence of drugs - or even the lack of them.

This apathetic attitude is what ruined ballroom dancing. For the sake of uniformity they introduced a EU Standard for all moves INCLUDING WIGGLES:what: The British people didn't stand up for their beliefs at that time and the Germans and French took over, making anything in ballroom dancing illegal except the Approved EuroWiggle (AEW). People who didn't do the AEW have been persecuted and hunted down in their ballrooms like vermin. This led to a total stagnation of the Ballroom market and led to a Euro Wiggle Mountain maintained by massive subsidies from the EU.

Famous foreign wigglers like Lydia were forced to seek Asylum from persecution of non-standard wigglers and come to London just to enjoy the freedom to wiggle as she pleases and to learn our secret wiggles.

You people in the PR department have been taking it too easy and some people think the wiggling we enjoy can last for ever without the help of our Department. Once the public forget that they have to earn the right to wiggle as they please the same could happen to Modern Jive with the newly proposed Standard Public Euro Wiggle (SPEW). At the moment we're free to use our wiggles as we please - but we need to maintain our vigilance if this situation is to continue.

Furthermore we have intelligence (:confused: ) that confirms that the French, Germans, Dutch and Smurfs are massing at our borders with loads of cheap wiggles to flood our wiggling economy. We need to educate the public now so that they are not fooled.

I would like to add the following to your Departmental Mission Statement.

Mission Statement No 287. To ensure that all dancers have an understanding of the priviledge they enjoy when it comes to the freedom to wiggle as they choose.

Tazmanian Devil
27th-November-2003, 02:43 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
It has come to our attention that certain members of the public think the debate about wiggling is frivilous, insane or due to the influence of drugs - or even the lack of them. :rofl: :rofl:
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
At the moment we're free to use our wiggles as we please - but we need to maintain our vigilance if this situation is to continue.

Mission Statement No 287. To ensure that all dancers have an understanding of the priviledge they enjoy when it comes to the freedom to wiggle as they choose.Guilty as charged :wink:

Pammy
27th-November-2003, 11:44 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
You have given some feeble excuse that you have contracted a dose of the Dreadful Scathe and your nose and tongue have turned blue. We do not believe this for one second.

I put it to you Sir (the evidence below) and await your decision.

Wiggly

Andy McGregor
27th-November-2003, 11:53 AM
Originally posted by Pammy
I put it to you Sir (the evidence below) and await your decision.

Wiggly

Urgent Memo to all field agents

There is an impostor in our midst. And she's even got hold of Pamsters 'sters shirt. Do not be fooled, the real one does not, repeat does NOT have a blue tongue.

As you know, we have cloned the Pamsters as a prime example of fine wiggling. There are currenly 20 Pamsters wiggling dance halls across the country (although it ofen feels like more). Inspect the tongue of each one. The field agent finding the impostor will be expected to act with extreme prejudice and send the tongue back to Smurf - the rest of the PamPostor should be sent to our laboratories for analysis.

out

ChrisA
27th-November-2003, 12:00 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
I put it to you Sir (the evidence below) and await your decision.
Wiggly
From: Inquisitor
To: WCM
Re: Digital enhancement of photographs offered as evidence for the defence.

Just to point out, sir, that it is well known that Ms Pamster's talents for graphic manipulation are prodigious, to wit, viz. and re. her delectable avatars, which become more striking with every passing week.

It is hardly beyond her skills to fake evidence such as this.

I still feel the Department requires further evidence that the terrifying silence we have all felt in recent days without Pamster posts has not been due to sinister forces.

It seems to me that only visual evidence of an extended wiggle will allow us to be sure that SMURF has not brainwashed her and is not still controlling her actions.

Inquisitor, acting head of Evidence Evaluation Division, Dept. of Wiggling.

Pammy
27th-November-2003, 12:31 PM
I was delighted to note that Grincing has extended further than just the stretches of Camber. It was indeed mentioned several times whilst in Scotland at the weekend. A word that will go down in history :grin:

Makes you seem like a Onk doesn't it?!?

ChrisA
27th-November-2003, 12:44 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
I was delighted to note that Grincing has extended further than just the stretches of Camber. It was indeed mentioned several times whilst in Scotland at the weekend. A word that will go down in history :grin:

From: Inquisitor
To: Ms Pamster (if that's who you are)

Despite the clear benefits of frequent grincing, please be reminded that this area is only for official Department of Wiggling communications, suitably encrypted.

This channel has been hijacked already by S.M.U.R.F and is clearly not secure.

Further evidence of your identity is required before normal operations can be resumed.

Andy McGregor
27th-November-2003, 01:22 PM
URGENT MESSAGE TO ALL WIGGLERS

This channel has been infiltrated by a Bogus Pamster with-a-blue-tongue - an obvious agent of S.M.U.R.F.

To Ensure security please submit all future communications via the ultra secure Hollow Tree drop off point here (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1848)

OUT

Boomer
27th-November-2003, 07:07 PM
Originally posted by Emma
Uh Oh....think the blue one's medication needs altering again...nurse!

Yeessssss :devil: Smurfey, you great unwashed snout, keep your enemies close, your friends closer and seemingly clog-footed apes just this side of onk...easy! I have a Prawnie and I'm not afraid to use it!

:really: {Dives for cover}

ChrisA
27th-November-2003, 07:10 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
Yeessssss :devil: Smurfey, you great unwashed snout, keep your enemies close, your friends closer and seemingly clog-footed apes just this side of onk...easy! I have a Prawnie and I'm not afraid to use it!

:really: {Dives for cover}
Looks like they're back. All agents, revert to status AMBER .

By order,
Inquisitor, pp ex-Wiggling Calibration Manager

Authorised by:
Director, Supreme Wiggling Command.

Andy McGregor
27th-November-2003, 07:21 PM
Phew! It's nice to be back in a nice warm, well lit office after an afternoon inside that dark, cold tree. Anyone know what happened in there. I think at least one person went Commando but two went SAS...

I'm resuming my duties and am out wiggling patrol in darkest Hampshire tonight at Barton Cross. I've never been there before and will be observing wiggles. And as this venue is near the channel ports I'll be especially vigilant in looking for cheap imported French wiggles that don't carry the usual health warning.

Will report back when I check in for the night shift.

Pammy
28th-November-2003, 10:29 AM
Originally posted by Boomer
I have a Prawnie and I'm not afraid to use it!

Is that a prawnie in your hand? :what:

Sheepman
28th-November-2003, 02:39 PM
I suspect we are all under obs, has anyone noticed this thread has been viewed 11,354 times (and counting), but I've only been herre twice?

Someone is trying to break the code?

G

ChrisA
28th-November-2003, 02:54 PM
Originally posted by Sheepman
I suspect we are all under obs, has anyone noticed this thread has been viewed 11,354 times (and counting), but I've only been herre twice?

Someone is trying to break the code?
The only genuine >11,000-view thread is our very own Hipsters AFAIAA.

Franck, is it possible to zero the count when you split the threads?

Chris

Will
28th-November-2003, 03:04 PM
Originally posted by ChrisA
The only genuine >11,000-view thread is our very own Hipsters AFAIAA.

Franck, is it possible to zero the count when you split the threads?

Chris
That would be a big mistake.

I have read this thread 11,500 times! Rivetting...

Andy McGregor
28th-November-2003, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by Will
That would be a big mistake.

I have read this thread 11,500 times! Rivetting...

Careless talk cost wiggles!

This is the Department of Wiggling. It has nothing to do with 'threads'. But Will got the first thing right, it's got a lot to do with a 'big mistake' - although that has still to be descibed.

Get back to your desks this instant. The agents of SMURF are plotting as we speak.

We still have a Boomer Hologram to bring round to consciouness and interrogate. Let him smell the 92,000 bananas we've received so far in advance subscriptions to the Kylie&SharonUndercovered.com website.

There, that worked.

Boomer can you hear me?

Pammy
28th-November-2003, 03:41 PM
He goes quiet when anyone says canned tomatoes or prawnies :rofl:

Anyway McG, I told you that was merely an accident! :blush:

Do you think we've got that many views because Will has put us up for sale on Ebay :what: ?

Bardsey
28th-November-2003, 04:26 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Do you think we've got that many views because Will has put us up for sale on Ebay :what: ?

Noooooooo ! The rotter !:tears:

Will
28th-November-2003, 04:36 PM
Maybe I should.

What is your price? Maybe you could sell 'sters T-shirts on there.

Maybe I should log on under the name of A.McGregor and sell dance shoes and ash trays.

Maybe I should log on as FunkySi and sell laptops and mp3 files.

Maybe I should log on as the Tramp and sell my body.

:cheers:

Bardsey
28th-November-2003, 04:43 PM
Originally posted by Will


Maybe I should log on as the Tramp and sell my body.

:cheers:

okay, I bid tuppence ha'penny and that's my final offer :rofl:

Pammy
28th-November-2003, 04:45 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
okay, I bid tuppence ha'penny and that's my final offer :rofl:

I'd say that counts as a *BUY IT NOW* bid?! :wink:

Px

ChrisA
28th-November-2003, 04:46 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
okay, I bid tuppence ha'penny and that's my final offer :rofl:
I'm not bidding till it's clarified whether I get Will's or Tramp's if I win.

Chris

Bardsey
28th-November-2003, 04:52 PM
Originally posted by ChrisA
I'm not bidding till it's clarified whether I get Will's or Tramp's if I win.

Chris

Mmmm you gotta point there Chris.... okay, my bid is on hold til that matter is sorted..... might up it to thruppence depending on which way it goes :eek: :devil:

Boomer
28th-November-2003, 06:23 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
...We still have a Boomer Hologram to bring round to consciouness and interrogate. Let him smell the 92,000 bananas we've received so far in advance subscriptions to the Kylie&SharonUndercovered.com website.
There, that worked.
Boomer can you hear me?
Yes, and I also hear a load of stuff and nonsense about me being a hologram...utter tosh!...saying that I'm also hearing a lot about Kylie&co and whips...I disapper on deep-cover assignments for a few days, fending off prawnies, Smurfeys and The Dundee Nutters (that wasn't a chore actually, they're really sweet....especially the quiet one :grin: ) risk life and limb slipping on Smurfey's shed skin...and when I return...do I receive the heroes welcome I deserve, the pomp and circumstance....nope, I'm accused of being a dopplegong...diplliggag...a copy! I'm given mind bending drugs, thus forcing me to wiggleWIGGLE! my bear arse from the tops of trees..and why! To find out what I have learnt....why didn't you just ask! We're supposed to be on the same team!

Smurfey, I'd like a membership form please, this lot seem to have no concept of Espirt de Corps. Now, where are my nanas?

ChrisA
28th-November-2003, 06:32 PM
Originally posted by Boomer
my bear arse
That would be gorilla arse, in fact.

Don't worry, the truth serum's after-effects include such species-confusion, and also give you a memory corresponding to the behaviour of the hologram, but these will fade.

I pronounce you fit to re-take your place here in the asylum.

thewacko
28th-November-2003, 07:09 PM
Originally posted by Will
Maybe I should log on under the name of A.McGregor and sell dance shoes and ash trays.

i'll buy some ash trays, I need them whilst having breaks between dancing:devil:



Maybe I should log on as FunkySi and sell laptops and mp3 files.

:sad: a bit high tec for me



Maybe I should log on as the Tramp and sell my body.



:waycool: saw him at camber - £ not a lot:rofl: :rofl:

Tiggerbabe
28th-November-2003, 07:14 PM
Originally posted by ChrisA
Franck, is it possible to zero the count when you split the threads?
nope!:cheers:

Andy McGregor
28th-November-2003, 07:23 PM
Originally posted by Sheena
nope!:cheers:

I like the big number for this thread.

It makes it seem like people care about the UK market being flooded with cheap French wiggles.

At least they care more about their wiggles than Hipsters. This thread has been viewed 393 times more than the one for Hipsters.

Let wiggling be unconfined:waycool:

TheTramp
28th-November-2003, 07:27 PM
Originally posted by thewacko
:waycool: saw him at camber - £ not a lot:rofl: :rofl: I don't know. Depends whether you sell me by the lb!! :tears:

Steve

thewacko
28th-November-2003, 07:30 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
I like the big number for this thread.

It makes it seem like people care about the UK market being flooded with cheap French wiggles.

:waycool: perhaps the distinguished member ought to call round to charlton on a wednesday where I am pleased to say a number of members are particularly good at the aforementioned wiggling, one being the informous taz, and another one I am quite pleased to watch who will remain nameless for the sake of my b**l**ks remaining in the place they are intended:waycool:

I am also pleased to say the glorious kelly who teaches there simply encourages any wiggling or "giving it large":yum:

:cheers:

Andy McGregor
29th-November-2003, 01:48 AM
Originally posted by thewacko
:waycool: perhaps the distinguished member

Perhaps distinguished but definitely wiggly:waycool:

How's your member?:confused:

thewacko
1st-December-2003, 04:42 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Perhaps distinguished but definitely wiggly:waycool:

How's your member?:confused:

Depends on who I'm dancing with as to wether my member is wiggly or not:blush:

Bardsey
1st-December-2003, 04:44 PM
Originally posted by thewacko
Depends on who I'm dancing with as to wether my member is wiggly or not:blush:


oooooh !!!:rofl: :rofl:

Tazmanian Devil
2nd-December-2003, 01:55 AM
Originally posted by thewacko
:waycool: perhaps the distinguished member ought to call round to charlton on a wednesday where I am pleased to say a number of members are particularly good at the aforementioned wiggling, one being the informous taz,


Why thankyou darling :kiss: :hug:





Originally posted by thewacko
:and another one I am quite pleased to watch who will remain nameless for the sake of my b**l**ks remaining in the place they are intended:waycool:


Hmmm is this who I think it is? :confused:






Originally posted by thewacko
:I am also pleased to say the glorious kelly who teaches there simply encourages any wiggling or "giving it large":yum:

:cheers:


I must agree Kelly is wonderful shes a teacher who is also an entertainer which is always good:nice:

thewacko
4th-December-2003, 03:41 PM
Originally posted by Tazmanian Devil
Hmmm is this who I think it is? :confused:



:waycool:yes




Originally posted by Tazmanian Devil

I must agree Kelly is wonderful shes a teacher who is also an entertainer which is always good:nice:

Kelly also specializes in making the women (and some men) SHIMMY

wiggling at its best:cheers:

Tazmanian Devil
6th-December-2003, 01:15 AM
Originally posted by TheTramp
I don't know. Depends whether you sell me by the lb!! :tears:

Steve



:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Andy McGregor
6th-January-2004, 11:34 AM
Dear Ms Pamster

I has come to our attention that your work rate since returning from your 'illness' is very low.

We have seen little evidence that you are actually working at all in the office.

You are still observed out and about performing your duties as a member of the 'Wiggling A Team' but your work rate in the office leaves much to be desired.

We are still concerned that your time in the hands of Smurf has left you with permanent injuries from which you may never recover - and we have it at the back of our minds that you might still be an impostor.

As you know, I had the opportunity to inspect the full extent of your legs during a recent wiggling incident at Hipsters and they seemed unfeasibly long and very white - this is the only evidence that you are not an impostor from Smurf where the legs are short and blue.

To ensure that your performance improves we will conducting a surpise inspection of your wiggling some time within the next 7 days. Please ensure that you are fully prepared for every eventuality.

Yours truly.


Andrew McGregor
Acting Field Wiggling Inspector - Surprise Division

Bardsey
6th-January-2004, 11:48 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Dear Ms Pamster

Andrew McGregor
Acting Field Wiggling Inspector - Surprise Division

Oh welcome back, Andy, this made me realise just how much you've been missed. You're a complete nutter :rofl: :kiss: :hug:

The Bardster
Yorkshire Deep Cover Agent

Pammy
6th-January-2004, 11:59 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
To ensure that your performance improves we will conducting a surpise inspection of your wiggling some time within the next 7 days. Please ensure that you are fully prepared for every eventuality.

Dear Sirs

It is with regret that I have been below par in my designated role over the last few weeks. I have endeavoured to keep my hips (nearly typed kips then!) moving to the best of my abilities, but I do realise that I am still well below the minimum level of service required in our line of business.

Please accept my sincere apologies and I will strive to make a better job of grincing in 2004. I must point out that my level of quality assurance has not slipped and every wiggle I have performed has still been of the highest standard possible.

Yours, muchos apologiosily :blush:
Pamster
x

PS Thanks for the advance warning; this time I won't wear bright pink :wink:

Andy McGregor
6th-January-2004, 04:58 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
PS Thanks for the advance warning; this time I won't wear bright pink :wink:

The pink did not look very bright in the glare from the snow-white legs. I had to sit in a darkened room for half an hour before my eyesight had recovered:devil:

And, after that sight, some things will probably never be the same ever again...

Sylph
6th-January-2004, 05:26 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor


Are there any humming birds in Smurf I wonder....

Permission to speak SIR
Suggest abandon hollow tree and post operatives to sunnier climes STOP
By numbers taking one step forward SIR

Pammy
6th-January-2004, 05:43 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
And, after that sight, some things will probably never be the same ever again...

The colour of my cheeks :blush:

(facial) :wink:

for a start!

:rofl:

Andy McGregor
6th-January-2004, 06:06 PM
Originally posted by Sylph
Permission to speak SIR
Suggest abandon hollow tree and post operatives to sunnier climes STOP
By numbers taking one step forward SIR

Of course, by taking one step forward you'd be blowing your cover. Oh no! Everyone has taken one step forward so we still don't know who you are:wink:

ChrisA
6th-January-2004, 07:11 PM
Originally posted by Sylph
Permission to speak SIR
Suggest abandon hollow tree and post operatives to sunnier climes STOP
By numbers taking one step forward SIR
Despite his splendid ongoing service in other roles, for the sake of strict accuracy it should be known that it has for some time been unnecessary to address the McGregster as "Sir", since he was relieved of his calibration responsibilities in the Dept of Wiggling when Boomer was recaptured from SMURF agents in the hollow tree.

The account, and relevant documentation may be found here (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1848&perpage=10&pagenumber=4).

:)

Andy McGregor
6th-January-2004, 09:15 PM
Originally posted by ChrisA
Despite his splendid ongoing service in other roles, for the sake of strict accuracy it should be known that it has for some time been unnecessary to address the McGregster as "Sir", since he was relieved of his calibration responsibilities in the Dept of Wiggling when Boomer was recaptured from SMURF agents in the hollow tree.


It's more an honourific nowadays. Besides, Sylph obviously works in a different cell in the spy network - which is why only some people know her (or his) true identity.

Those that know her do comment very highly regarding her wiggling ability though...

Sylph
7th-January-2004, 10:49 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
Of course, by taking one step forward you'd be blowing your cover. Oh no! Everyone has taken one step forward so we still don't know who you are:wink:

( Ah..... the old elastic band trick worKs every time!!! :devil: A staple in counter-intelligence circles)

Pammy
7th-January-2004, 11:01 AM
Originally posted by ChrisA
for some time been unnecessary to address the McGregster as "Sir"

Ah, but it wasn't Sir, it was SIR, or as I think it could be S.I.R.

Now all we have to do is work out what it stands for :wink:

Px

Sylph
7th-January-2004, 11:12 AM
Originally posted by ChrisA
Despite his splendid ongoing service in other roles, for the sake of strict accuracy it should be known that it has for some time been unnecessary to address the McGregster as "Sir", since he was relieved of his calibration responsibilities in the Dept of Wiggling when Boomer was recaptured from SMURF agents in the hollow tree.

The account, and relevant documentation may be found here (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1848&perpage=10&pagenumber=4).

:)

Relevant documentation assimilated, I spent last night deep undercover in a location undisclosed.

My quest ???? to discover the truth behind why this senior and well-respected officer has been so relieved of his Calibration Responsibilties:Wiggling Division.

I have unearthed a plot of heinous proportions, towit, to implement Eu DIRECTIVE 69 which mandates the recalibration in line with EEC recommendations of all UK wiggling (DEADLINE 14 February 2004) :what: :eek: :tears:

These :devil: s will stop at nothing. First they got their hands on the fine upstanding British banana (OK so they were a bit bendy), now this!! By heaven, is nothing sacred :mad: :sad: :sick:

ChrisA
7th-January-2004, 12:05 PM
Originally posted by Sylph
69

14 February 2004

upstanding British banana

Zoikes. Upstairs, Franck, quick. This Sylph character is far too risqué for down here.

What would a psychologist make of a post like this???

Chris

Sylph
7th-January-2004, 12:36 PM
Originally posted by ChrisA
Zoikes. Upstairs, Franck, quick. This Sylph character is far too risqué for down here.

What would a psychologist make of a post like this???

Chris

Hmm....very interesting that the Chief Inquisitor should wish to overlook the important implications of my recent communication.:really:

This bears further investigation....

ChrisA
7th-January-2004, 02:44 PM
Originally posted by Sylph
Hmm....very interesting that the Chief Inquisitor should wish to overlook the important implications of my recent communication.:really:

This bears further investigation....
The Chief Inquisitor overlooks nothing. :devil:

ChrisA
7th-January-2004, 02:52 PM
... and in any case, the said "senior and well-respected officer" has had other important duties to perform in recent times.

Which, it should be said, he carried out with his customary skill and verve.

:cheers:

Now that times are quieter, it may be that a simple reapplication for Calibration Responsibilities is all that's required.

I wouldn't know... we all get our orders from Supreme Wiggling Command, anyway.

Sylph
7th-January-2004, 03:05 PM
Originally posted by ChrisA
... we all get our orders from Supreme Wiggling Command, anyway.

SYLPH CALLING SUPREME WIGGLING COMMAND
SUSPECT COVERT OPERATIVES IMPLEMENTATION EU DIR 69
ADVISE RE PROCEDURE

Bardsey
7th-January-2004, 04:14 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
Ah, but it wasn't Sir, it was SIR, or as I think it could be S.I.R.

Now all we have to do is work out what it stands for :wink:

Px

Stud In Reverse? Seque Investigative Reporter? :confused:

Pammy
7th-January-2004, 04:32 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Stud In Reverse? :confused:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Like It!!!

Bardsey
7th-January-2004, 04:52 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Like It!!!

Ooooh new pic! Love it, very slinky!:kiss: :hug:

Pammy
7th-January-2004, 05:05 PM
Originally posted by Sylph
Please can you help?

One dance with Andy, either viewing or participating and you'll be fully up to speed on all areas of the wiggling brigade. The wiggles pass as subliminal messages deep into the wiggliest part of the brain. Once wiggled you'll never dance straight again...

Sylph
7th-January-2004, 05:26 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
One dance with Andy, either viewing or participating and you'll be fully up to speed on all areas of the wiggling brigade. The wiggles pass as subliminal messages deep into the wiggliest part of the brain. Once wiggled you'll never dance straight again...

Speaking confidentially Pammy, are you saying that the McGregster reaches the parts that other wiggle-generators do not reach?:what:

Watching the two of you in action I think I can say I have observed the aesthetic effects you describe "in vivo" (well, in Twyford actually).:waycool:

I feel the need of further subliminal tuition myself :wink:

Sylph
7th-January-2004, 05:33 PM
Originally posted by Bardsey
Ooooh new pic! Love it, very slinky!:kiss: :hug:

Pammy how did you learn to hold your breath for so long?!:confused: :cool:

I can think of many occasions where such skill would be invaluable! :wink:

Pammy
7th-January-2004, 05:37 PM
Originally posted by Sylph
Speaking confidentially Pammy, are you saying that the McGregster reaches the parts that other wiggle-generators do not reach?:what:

Whether you want to or not, I'd say that's a guaranteed positive nod :wink:

Pammy
7th-January-2004, 06:01 PM
Originally posted by Sylph
I can think of many occasions where such skill would be invaluable! :wink:

I didn't know you knew Boomer :wink: :confused:

Sylph
7th-January-2004, 06:13 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
I didn't know you knew Boomer :wink: :confused:

Neither did I.

Perhaps I should? :wink: :D

Bardsey
7th-January-2004, 06:16 PM
Originally posted by Pammy
I didn't know you knew Boomer :wink: :confused:

Oooh wicked wicked Pamster :rofl: :rofl:

Andy McGregor
7th-January-2004, 07:00 PM
Originally posted by Sylph
Watching the two of you in action I think I can say I have observed the aesthetic effects you describe "in vivo" (well, in Twyford actually).:waycool:

I feel the need of further subliminal tuition myself :wink:

At the moment my 'vivo' is flagging a bit. I've picked up a bug which is affecting my wiggling. Personally I think it's germ warfare by agents of Smurf in a feeble attempt to make members of our department unable to maintain combat ready status.

Never fear, I have my wiggles stored in a locked freezer to keep them fresh until they can be deployed at the weekend:D

They do seem to have shrunk a bit due to the low temperature:what:

Sylph
7th-January-2004, 07:21 PM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
At the moment my 'vivo' is flagging a bit. I've picked up a bug which is affecting my wiggling. Personally I think it's germ warfare by agents of Smurf in a feeble attempt to make members of our department unable to maintain combat ready status.

Never fear, I have my wiggles stored in a locked freezer to keep them fresh until they can be deployed at the weekend:D

They do seem to have shrunk a bit due to the low temperature:what:

A wiggle-specific bug? :sick: Dastardly stuff :tears:

What are the symptoms and how did you contract this? How can we protect ourselves? :confused:

I'm sure once the hypothermia wears off your wiggles will be returned to full size and functionality:D :wink:

Pammy
8th-January-2004, 10:35 AM
Originally posted by Andy McGregor
They do seem to have shrunk a bit due to the low temperature:what:

Bit like Nemo then? :wink: Nobody took a cigarette to yours though did they :what: :tears:

Sylph; now I know who you - oh yes, you know Boomer alright!

Hope you get better McG. Wondered what had happened to you last night. Chris A and I were practically wiggling alone in there as Mary had a bad knee and so side to side movements were kept to a minimum; although, with THE SHIRT she made up for it.

Px

Sylph
8th-January-2004, 11:25 AM
Originally posted by Pammy
Bit like Nemo then? :wink: Nobody took a cigarette to yours though did they :what: :tears:

Sylph; now I know who you - oh yes, you know Boomer alright!

Hope you get better McG. Wondered what had happened to you last night. Chris A and I were practically wiggling alone in there as Mary had a bad knee and so side to side movements were kept to a minimum; although, with THE SHIRT she made up for it.

Px

Sorry to hear you were short of co-wigglers. :tears: I'm sure you and ChrisA valiantly kept the wiggleometre working overtime :wink:

(Makes note:must find out who is Boomer)

Pammy
8th-January-2004, 12:18 PM
Originally posted by Sylph
Sorry to hear you were short of co-wigglers. :tears:

You can never have too many wigglers!!! :wink:

Shaky
8th-June-2006, 08:35 PM
Just when I thought I had invented the term <A href="http://2shakylegs.blogspot.com/2006/05/wigglometers-day-iii.html">Wigglometer</a>, I find there's a proper Department of Wiggling. To whom do I pay dues?

Dreadful Scathe
8th-June-2006, 08:54 PM
I believe the evil army of S.M.U.R.F outlawed the whole thing - so you're going to have to be shot. Sorry!

Sheepman
8th-June-2006, 10:15 PM
- so you're going to have to be shot. Sorry!Aha! So that's the new welcome for new members that everyone's been talking about!

Greg

Tazmanian Devil
9th-June-2006, 09:40 AM
Aha! So that's the new welcome for new members that everyone's been talking about!

:rofl: Ahh thats where I have been going wrong. Too polite :innocent:

ducasi
9th-June-2006, 11:43 AM
I'm just curious how a guy with restless leg syndrome, living on the Pacific coast of the US find his way onto a dance forum based in Scotland. :confused: