'fess up guys - How do you decide who to ask for a dance?

[Chris]

1.Do you use any formula for who to ask for dances through the night?

2.Do you just wait for ladies to ask you?

3.How do you avoid offending people by not managing to dance with them?

My current 'formula' :confused: is probably along the following lines . . .
(Part one) I think, "Mmmm . . . she's nice . . ."

Thinking 'she's nice' may be down to a million and one things, eg what a lovely dancer (watching her dance with someone else)
what a lovely smile
she looks like she's enjoying this record (if it's one I like)
what lovely hair
nice shoes
feeling a radiant personality
nice chat, or nice lead and follow experience last time we danced
seems to like something I like
what lovely hands
sexy!
would like to speak to her but dancing seems more appropriate
physical proximity to where I'm standing / eye contact
It gives me the beginning of a way of relating, a curiosity about that person, something to build on in the dance.

. . .There's also the "oh how nice to see you" thing of course, but that's more just 'social' dancing than a new 'conversation in movement' . . .

(Part two) If I get the feeling of "you're nice too . . ." I go and ask her for a dance . . .

Of course, by that time, someone else might have asked, or someone's grabbed me - or I'm not sure if the vibe's returned (in which case I move on)
:really: Does that ring any bells with anyone else?

Just imagine, if you walked into a cocktail party, or a bar, where you wanted to interact with people, would you make some decisions that felt good and resulted in productive or meaningful conversations (even if brief)? I suppose it's continuing the dance is a conversation between two people idea isn't it . . . ?

Or my 'old' formula (largely abandoned):
dance with some mates or 'dance buddies'
dance with a few new people
dance with a few beginners
dance with a people I've not seen for ages
dance with one or two people who nobody else seems to be dancing with
Sometimes when the ladies outnumber the guys heavily it can be very hard - there's less interaction cos the ladies are pleased to get a guy (any guy with a pulse!)

There's always someone I feel I've maybe offended by not dancing with them - but I do make a certain type of effort and wonder what other people's approach is?

And what about ladies - how do you decide who to ask? If it's a small venue you can probably get round all the guys (if you want to) - but what about the nights where you're spoilt for choice? What makes you think, "I'll go up and ask him", ? or do you work it the other way (ie least worst options)?
:blush:

[Twinkle Toes]

Originally posted by Chris

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

...... ooops sorry, dropped off for a mo!

oh yes the answer,

"oh, that's a good record, where is there a free man"

TT

[Chris]

Originally posted by Twinkle Toes
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
...... ooops sorry, dropped off for a mo!
oh yes the answer,
"oh, that's a good record, where is there a free man"
TT
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Forte]

Originally posted by Twinkle Toes
"oh, that's a good record, where is there a free man"

TT

I am with you on this one Twinkle Toes! My criteria exactly: "Who's free?":D

[horsey_dude]

I will dance with people who ask (unless I hate the music), but if I don't like them e.g. arm wrencher, no sense of timing, won't even try to follow, abused me in class, looks around the room for someone else to dance with (while we are dancing) then I will avoid them.

Because I dont know so many people, I watch to see if I can find someone who looks like they are a good dancer and ask them (only if the music is good). If I havn't had time to see who is good I look for someone who is a similar height to me (not to much taller or shorter) who has good dancing shoes and clothes (pants,or not too long skirt, top thats not too baggy or with extra long sleeves) and ask them.

Once I have had two or three good dances (can be quite far into the freestyle depending on the venue) I will ask people who have been standing out for a while/look nervous/are obviously a beginner etc.

As far as avoiding goes, just don't make eye contact with people you don't want to dance with. If I walk up to ask someone and they look like they are waiting for another person to finish their dance or turn away from me when I approach then I assume they are not interested and ask someone else.

[Divissima]

I don't really have a formula for the men I ask to dance. Being a lady, and having been a regular at a few venues now, I am occasionally so blessed as to dance the whole night with men who have asked me to dance (although this may be to do with my tactic of rushing up to favourite regular partners and squealing 'pick me! pick me!' :grin: :wink: ). But if I'm not dancing a track and would like to dance (ie am not resting or otherwise in need of a comfort break), I tend to look around for men who are watching the dancing (so not chatting to someone) and are on their feet (although I will ask men who are sitting down if they look like they wish they had the nerve to ask a stranger to dance). It is easier when I have done the class because I will have had a chance to dance with several men I don't know and will be vaguely familiar to them.

Or if I spot someone I've seen dancing before but have never actually met or danced with (I did this to Anthony - Punkfish - last week and he looked initially a bit worried when I rushed up to him and said I'd been wanting a dance with him for ages). Of course, there are some men I still wouldn't quite have the nerve to ask - Viktor, for example, although he is so lovely and I have danced with him in the past, just a little in awe of him so need to get over that!

[Gadget]

Not exactly a formula as such, more a 'priority scoring' type of thing...
+20 - they ask me to dance
+10 - I have never danced with them before.
+8 - they have requested a dance during the lesson
+5 - I have not danced with them this evening.
+3 - I know their style matches the current music
+2 - they are actively trolling
+2 - they have sat the last track out
+1 - they are watching the dance floor
+1 - they are sitting alone
-2 - talking to their mates
-3 - I don't like their style
-5 - if I have already danced with them this evening.
-10 - I have already danced twice with them this evening.

I can't think on anything else that would sway my decision - dress, appearance and shoes have very little influence on deciding to dance with someone. {Note - this is not saying I do not fully appreciate accentuating, sparkly, revealing, slinky, sexy dresses (or any combination of the above :devil:,) and the bodies/smiles that inhabit them. :D:D:D}

[Dreadful Scathe]

Hmm I thought you just picked people you enjoyed dancing with or when they're busy, anyone who's not already dancing :).

I thought Chris was over analyzing something that most people dont analyze at all, but trust Gadget to go one better and introduce a scoring system. :D

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Gadget
+2 - they are actively trolling

What on earth is trolling? :what:

Chris

[Bill]

A smile :D

I usually don't sit out enough to watch people dancing so when a track starts I either ask someone who is close or look around and if a woman is smiling and looks as if she might want to dance then I'll ask.

I've avoided a couple of women only because they have just come off the floor and look as if they might want a rest before heading back on.

If it's a favourite track then I'll try and make sure I get Fran/Laura/Lorna/Lisa/Sheena etc etc.....

but regardless of what someoen is wearing ( and some outfits will attract more attention than others) it's the smile that really does it.

[Gadget]

Originally posted by ChrisA
What on earth is trolling? :what:
"Trolling" is a term used to describe the action of "Activly seeking a dance partner".
It's like "Sharking", but not as subtle and with less small talk. :wink: :D

[jiveoholic]

I try to grab the ones who are hiding in the corner, thinking they are safe - especially if they are new. The look on their faces when you say "may I have the pleasure of a dance" and the smirks on the faces of their friends is worth it alone!

Actually - crap music I wont dance to. That eliminates half the evening!

I suppose in reality, I segment my dances into three, those around me, newbies and good dancers.

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Gadget
"Trolling" is a term used to describe the action of "Activly seeking a dance partner".
Ah.

Strange word, it sounds a bit pejorative. :what:

Somebody care to define sharking? Is it like grincing ;) ???

Trollster.

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by jiveoholic
Actually - crap music I wont dance to. That eliminates half the evening!
Such as ??

[jiveoholic]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Such as ??
Gosh - that has put me on the spot! Music is a personal taste and I have to admit that I just do not try and remember the names of music I do NOT like, its all I can do to remember the names of the tracks of music I DO like.

Personally, a find that a tune helps. I like good rhythm to, good rick'n'roll beat or a swing. Harmony is helpful too. Now what music has all three?!

Seriously, I find that all but the best swing does nothing for me, I like all rock'n'roll. There does seem a lot of modern music that is more suitable for wall papering to than dancing, little "umf" to get into.

Modern music do like follows the trend of the Mavericks, No Mercy, Shania Twain etc.

[Gadget]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Somebody care to define sharking? Is it like grincing ;) ???

Trollster.
"Trolling" is actually fishing with a lure/bait dragged behind a boat.
It's also a term used when baiting people on newsgroups with inaccurate information.

But in my mind, I see it as a more active role; the big troll from Harry Potter walking allong, dragging his club. "Ug, Dance" ... <Thump> ... <drag>"
So I suppose it is 'pejorative'.:sorry:

Sharking is generally done in night-clubs where the shark smells fresh meat from accross a crowded dance floor and homes-in to devour it. The actual act of sharking is recognised the slow prowl of the shark; moving through the shoals of people, looking for a scent. A quick and definite purpose in movement when they pick up on a target, bearing down on them; all white teeth in a dangerous smile.
Sharks are generally quite sleek and focused on their target, but normally have ulterior motives :devil:. Trolls just pick a target and club them. Simple. :wink:

{ug}

[Tiggerbabe]

Originally posted by Gadget
"Trolling" is actually fishing with a lure/bait dragged behind a boat.


ah!!! I thought that was
"trawling"........Heather !!!!!!!!:wink: :hug:

Trolling did conjure up an image of some huge hairy "thing" leaping out from under a bridge, shouting "I'm a troll foll - de - roll............fancy a dance before I eat you?" :D
Happens to me a lot :blush:- guess I'll need to stop this dancing on bridges lark :hug:

[Gadget]

Originally posted by Sheena
ah!!! I thought that was
"trawling"........Heather !!!!!!!!:wink: :hug:
Nope - that's dragging a net behind the boad, not bait. :wink:

[Bardsey]

Originally posted by Twinkle Toes

"oh, that's a good record, where is there a free man"

TT

That's my way too. I also fit the man to the record ie. ucp/fast/slow or whatever. That is, of course, always providing I get to him first :blush: :rofl:

[Forte]

Originally posted by Gadget
"Trolling" is actually fishing with a lure/bait dragged behind a boat.
It's also a term used when baiting people on newsgroups with inaccurate information.

But in my mind, I see it as a more active role; the big troll from Harry Potter walking allong, dragging his club. "Ug, Dance" ... <Thump> ... <drag>"
So I suppose it is 'pejorative'.:sorry:

Sharking is generally done in night-clubs where the shark smells fresh meat from accross a crowded dance floor and homes-in to devour it. The actual act of sharking is recognised the slow prowl of the shark; moving through the shoals of people, looking for a scent. A quick and definite purpose in movement when they pick up on a target, bearing down on them; all white teeth in a dangerous smile.
Sharks are generally quite sleek and focused on their target, but normally have ulterior motives :devil:. Trolls just pick a target and club them. Simple. :wink:

{ug}

What a writer you are. Wanna sit your standard Grade creative writing test with S4 again? I'd give you one. :wink:

(That is one as in a top grade, gadget! A grade!!!):blush:

[Tiggerbabe]

Originally posted by Gadget
Nope - that's dragging a net behind the boad, not bait. :wink:

Ah! - It's the "boad" that had me confused :wink: Should I have put bait in the net too - or is that only if you want to catch something :wink:

So if I asked you to save me a dance for Saturday night - would that be "crolling"? :hug:

[Bardsey]

Originally posted by Forte
I'd give you one. :wink:

(That is one as in a top grade, gadget! A grade!!!):blush:

Now there's an offer you can't refuse, Gadget!:rofl:

[psyc0diver]

Originally posted by Sheena
Ah! - It's the "boad" that had me confused :wink: Should I have put bait in the net too - or is that only if you want to catch something :wink:

So if I asked you to save me a dance for Saturday night - would that be "crolling"? :hug:

----------------------------------------

No - that would be creeling - saving your catch for later :wink:

[Bardsey]

Originally posted by psyc0diver
----------------------------------------

No - that would be creeling - saving your catch for later :wink:

:rofl: Crolling, trolling, sharking!!! Perhaps we ought to have our own ceroc-speak, just like the trekkies do!!! :rofl:

[Gadget]

Originally posted by Sheena
Ah! - It's the "boad" that had me confused :wink:
soby; i'b god a bid ob a cold. :wink: {honest :innocent:}

So if I asked you to save me a dance for Saturday night - would that be "crolling"? :hug:
Now, now - no need for crawling; all you need to do is ask and you are the center of my world {for a song or two anyway :wink: :hug:}

{:grin: nice response Craig}


Originally posted by Forte
What a writer you are.
Writer... well, that's one name for it.

I'd give you one.
:what::blush: ooh er.
And I thought you only flirted this much on the dance floor! :innocent:

[JamesGeary]

So that answers all of them, except... whats grincing?

[Heather]

Originally posted by Gadget
Nope - that's dragging a net behind the boad, not bait. :wink:

'boad'?????? Really Gadget, your spelling is getting WORSE (if that's possible!!!!!):rofl: :rofl:
:hug:
Heather.

[Jon]

I tend to ask ladys I have never danced before who are alone, ie not sitting chatting in a group as its quite intimidating approaching a group of women. Although the exception to this is when I like the look of one of them and feel I must dance with her or I'll regret it.

I will also never approach someone I dont know well if its a male/female couple who are chatting and dont seem to be interested in dancing i.e not even watching it. It is so hard to get to know people at ceroc and it is annoying when your having a great chat with someone and they get grabbed for a dance.

[Chris]

Jon's post reminds me of a 'technique' I used to use as a nightclub manager many years ago as a very green and innocent young lad:blush:

I would wait for the last record and look out for a pair of ladies sitting together. Chances are one of them would be asked up to dance. I would go over to the lady who was left (and probably feeling a bit 'left out') and ask her if she would like to dance - but I would do it with some glasses in my hand as if I were 'helping' the bar staff collect glasses - that way, if hse said no, I could just pick up a few glasses with my dented ego and move on to the next table :sorry :rofl: :waycool:

I was very ingenuous. I only had two chat up lines in the whole of my reportoire - and that was one of them!!! :sorry :sorry

(the other one was 'would you like to come back for a coffee' - needless to say it took many many attempts before the statistical eventuality bore the slightest fruit)

[Chris]

Originally posted by Gadget
dress, appearance and shoes have very little influence on deciding to dance with someone. {Note - this is not saying I do not fully appreciate accentuating, sparkly, revealing, slinky, sexy dresses (or any combination of the above :devil:,) and the bodies/smiles that inhabit them.
I'm maybe slightly biassed inasmuch as I used to do fashion photography as a second job so tend to notice these things from autopilot . . . :blush: :grin:

But from a dance point of view I always try to notice something interesting about my partner - I find it a lead in to dramatising the dance (I believe every woman I dance with is the Most Beautiful Woman in the World - even if only for three minutes - so I try to gratefully acknowledge any help.) This applies equally when the lady is old and grey and no teeth! :nice:

Try visualising Audrey Hepburn in effortless flight across the dance floor. Try it again but dress her in scruffy, ill-fitting clothes - not quite the same is it?

Apart from that, I'm always touched by the effort women go to to look nice - I'm sure they do it for themselves, not me, but when I'm dancing with her it's for me :wink: And I not only want to show the lady off on the dance floor - I see a beautiful dress and imagine it spinning, floating, and think what a waste for it to be sitting out :tears:

thought I'd better say something in case my initial post was taken as incredibly superficial or even sexist (and though I have a reasonable eye for women's clothes and what suits who I am hopeless at choosing my own stuff - I only have to look at my holiday purchases that were going to look so 'fab' on the dance floor :tears: :rofl: )

Having said that, if she has a nice dress but her idea of balance is a slouch and intense fascination with the botom of her lemonade glass then I'm less motivated . . . :wink::wink:

Interesting 'priority scoring thing btw Gadget: another 'analytical' perspective . . .

[Alfie]

Ah ha, Theres music on and there are women not dancing, just ask the closest, job done.
Towards the end of the night troll round the dance floor looking for all the ladies who I have not spotted on the floor much.
What could be easier:waycool:

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Alfie
Ah ha, Theres music on and there are women not dancing, just ask the closest, job done.

[snip]

What could be easier:waycool:
Are you sure that solving a few simultaneous equations and maybe doing a PhD in Physics wouldn't be more fun than this method?

Chris

[Alfie]

This is dancing not rocket science. Spot one, ask and away you go. I really have not got time to fanny around annalysing posture and the dress sense of the female dancing population.
This would be a waste of valuable boogieing time. I fry my brain all day at work. I dance to relax, and have fun, not cause my poor tired grey cells undue stress looking for a perfect partner for a specific track

:wink: :wink: :wink:

[Tiggerbabe]

Originally posted by Alfie
I really have not got time to fanny around annalysing posture and the dress sense of the female dancing population.


:rofl: nice one Alfie!

[Twinkle Toes]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Alfie
This is dancing not rocket science. Spot one, ask and away you go.

I dance to relax, and have fun, not cause my poor tired grey cells undue stress looking for a perfect partner for a specific track

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Exactly !!!

TT x

[Bardsey]

Originally posted by Alfie
Spot one, ask and away you go. I really have not got time to fanny around annalysing posture and the dress sense of the female dancing population.


I can tell you're a selective type of guy :rofl: :rofl:

[stewart38]

and when you find your perfect partner you find out there not so perfect after a while :rolleyes:

I do go for height

[Bardsey]

Originally posted by stewart38
and when you find your perfect partner you find out there not so perfect after a while :rolleyes:


Oh dear, sounds like you've had problems !:sad:

[Neil]

Originally posted by Alfie
I really have not got time to fanny around annalysing posture and the dress sense of the female dancing population. Oh, I do :) You will often find me lurking on the edge of the dance floor exclaiming "Cor, look at the dress sense on that!" :devil:

Neil

[Lory]

I scan the room for the sexiest, hunkiest, dance god, dressed to kill, that smells like a dream, tanned, with white teeth flashing in my direction and hair that looks like it needs my fingers running through it..... Failing that I grab the nearest one who'l dance with me :rolleyes: :D :rofl:

[Bardsey]

Originally posted by Lory
I scan the room for the sexiest, hunkiest, dance god, dressed to kill, that smells like a dream, tanned, with white teeth flashing in my direction and hair that looks like it needs my fingers running through it..... Failing that I grab the nearest one who'l dance with me :rolleyes: :D :rofl:

:rofl: Nice one, Lory and you don't get many of THEM to the pound :drool:

[Alfie]

Originally posted by Bardsey
I can tell you're a selective type of guy :rofl: :rofl:

I am very selective, all my partners have to have a pulse , be able to walk upright and be female :D

[Chris]

Originally posted by Alfie
I am very selective, all my partners have to have a pulse

I'd never thought of checking that . . .

[image of Alfie going up to girl and pressing two fingers against her wrist then looking up and saying, "I like that about a girl! Fancy a dance as you're upright?"]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Chris]

Originally posted by Lory
. . . that smells like a dream . . .

That's one I forgot - inside turns are great for a quick whiff of perfume. More helpful for inspiring the second dance though.
:yum:
When I'm complimented on my aftershave before a dance I often assume I've probably put too much on. Comfort myself with the thought that it's better than sweat-pongy I suppose, and good for my confidence if I get grabbed for no other reason than being handy and no other guy being available (checks stash lol)

[jockey]

Anyone heard of the "three and out" rule? If a lady refuses me three times out of, say five I never ask her again.
(I can take a hint..)
If the music is fast I stick to the best women with whom I've danced before.
(safety first rule)
If I see a sad woman I will ask her to dance (the patronising rule?);
If I see a good dancer I ask her to dance
and if I see a friend I also ask her to dance.
I try to avoid dancing with snobs (a fastgrowing population) and women
who dont dance in time.
I try to dance with fellow competitors at comps (do they feel as good as they look?)
I try to dance with all ages.
If I get a lovely smile I go back again; if not, then no.
Above all I choose people who like dancing with me.

[baldrick]

Usualy I seem to get grabbed while I'm dithering over who I'm brave enough to go and ask. :grin:

[Cornish Pixie]

I dont actually think about it that much. However this is the basis of it.Bearing in mind i spend most of the night dancing.
Firstly i ask beginners or people that are new to the cub but not beginners. This because most beginners at my club tend to leave halfway through the evening in an effort to avoid the intermediate class.
After this i will ask regulars that i know are good.
It also depends on the record and what i want out of the dance.
If it is a track i love i usually want someone that is good so i can get the most enjoyment out of it. I use songs that are just okay to help beginners ad practice the class from this or the wk before.
I use crap songs to work out who has improved or is just generally good.

[CJ]

Having given it careful consideration, when dancing away from home, it usually comes down to the most obvious pair of boobs.... :eek:

OK, maybe not, but I can dream...

[TheTramp]

Anyone heard of the "three and out" rule? If a lady refuses me three times out of, say five I never ask her again.
You're more forgiving than me. I only ever ask twice. And once I've been turned down twice in a row, then I don't ask again - though, if she comes and asks me, then that sets the 'counter' back to zero.

This applies both to people that I've never danced with, and also people that I have danced with. Unless there's a reason why she's saying 'no'.

Trampy

[Andy McGregor]

You're more forgiving than me. I only ever ask twice. And once I've been turned down twice in a row, then I don't ask again - though, if she comes and asks me, then that sets the 'counter' back to zero.

This applies both to people that I've never danced with, and also people that I have danced with. Unless there's a reason why she's saying 'no'.

Trampy

You're more forgiving than me. If they turn me down flat I never ask again. After all, you've asked "would you like to dance with me?" And you've been told "no". Seems quite clear to me.

It's different if I keep getting an reason/excuse; tired, resting, taking a break, going to the loo, etc. But, even then, after 2 or 3 replies like this I get the message and stop asking :tears:

But, as the Tramp says, if they ask me it re-sets the counter :flower:

[bigdjiver]

:yeah: I, too, ask "Would you like {to try} a dance?" I do not want "favour" dances. To me "No, thank you" is a quite acceptable reply. The evening is about people enjoying themselves.

[Simon r]

I always look for the ladies that play with the music that have more than just lead and follow...
Ladies that flow to the music, not just good ceroc dancers but those that really feel the music, some i have found have only dancing for two or three mounths but have great awareness of there body and the shapes that they can form.
These ladies stick out on the dance floor to me and i always try to make a bee -line and have never been disapointed... :D

[Forte]

loving the avatar Simon R. I am gonna practice that dance they are all doing... :rofl:

[Simon r]

Sorry that set of dance moves are now mine and hold a copyright on them but for a fee :kiss: