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Gentabout
14th-June-2007, 09:09 AM
Was on the net the other day when i came acroos this. just shows how stupid some people can be. anyway have a read i thought it was quite amusing:

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted
by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their
anniversary....

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came
across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects
of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to
retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button
AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get
the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

Awesome!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries. right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and
thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood
moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie
(for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such
a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in
one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second
burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst
was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily
control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant
flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than
three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no
possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a
one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt
all that bad, I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for
the heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked
me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over
and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in
the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both
nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm
tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my
legs.

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard
before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it
again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when
you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is
dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
A three second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be
sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my
wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How
did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples
were still twitching.

My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom
lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering
a significant reward for their safe return.

Still in shock, Tommy



Gent

Dreadful Scathe
14th-June-2007, 09:26 AM
well, not entirely stupid - if you are intending that this could be used on another human being, albeit a mugger, its worth a test. Im so glad he didnt use it on the cat though, tazers do tend to kill cats :(

Lee Bartholomew
14th-June-2007, 09:29 AM
well, not entirely stupid - if you are intending that this could be used on another human being, albeit a mugger, its worth a test. Im so glad he didnt use it on the cat though, tazers do tend to kill cats :(

How do you know DS? Should Stray be worried?

Double Trouble
14th-June-2007, 09:44 AM
I wish I had one of those:devil:

Lee Bartholomew
14th-June-2007, 09:50 AM
I wish I had one of those:devil:

They would be great to have s uit made out of them when you dance. You can taser people who do stupid moves named after chocolate bars.:devil:

Double Trouble
14th-June-2007, 09:55 AM
They would be great to have s uit made out of them when you dance. You can taser people who do stupid moves named after chocolate bars.:devil:

Snickers?:wink:

bigdjiver
14th-June-2007, 11:00 AM
... just shows how stupid some people can be...As a youth keen on electronics, I lifted an heavy old valve radio chassis onto my lap ....:eek:

This was only 350V, and DC at that, so orders of magnitude less than this poor sap, but enough to know where he is coming from.

Twirly
14th-June-2007, 11:51 AM
Thank God it was only a Tazer... does anyone else detect a possible future candidate for the Darwin Awards here?

Dreadful Scathe
14th-June-2007, 12:46 PM
no - i think its fairly reasonable - the intention is, as i said, to use it on other people - its not meant to be deadly - its only fair to realise what they would be going through first isnt it ? :)

Lee Bartholomew
14th-June-2007, 12:48 PM
no - i think its fairly reasonable - the intention is, as i said, to use it on other people - its not meant to be deadly - its only fair to realise what they would be going through first isnt it ? :)

I agree, but would find someone else willing to test it for me. :nice:

Twirly
14th-June-2007, 01:06 PM
And I'm sure that all those people who did get their names nominated in the Darwin awards probably thought that their behaviour was quite reasonable too...

Gav
14th-June-2007, 02:18 PM
I wish I had one of those:devil:

:what: :sick: :really: :sad: :eek: :tears:

Beowulf
14th-June-2007, 04:30 PM
And I'm sure that all those people who did get their names nominated in the Darwin awards probably thought that their behaviour was quite reasonable too...

I'm a Darwin Awards also ran.. that is.. I enter the competition but never get placed.. :tears: erm or should that be :clap:

Yliander
14th-June-2007, 04:39 PM
Was on the net the other day when i came acroos this. just shows how stupid some people can be. anyway have a read i thought it was quite amusing:

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted
by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their
anniversary....

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came
across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects
of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to
retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! anyone else see the potential for this gentleman to encouter the effects of this item again....

Dreadful Scathe
14th-June-2007, 05:22 PM
And I'm sure that all those people who did get their names nominated in the Darwin awards probably thought that their behaviour was quite reasonable too...
well yes, but Darwin Awards are for people who nearly kill themselves and remove themselves from the gene pool , NOT for stupidity.

under par
14th-June-2007, 05:50 PM
1st post in thread
Gent

Made me cry with laughter.....:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

even though I knew what was gonna happen:D