Profound Post-Modern Axioms

[xSalsa_Angelx]

1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a
jar of jalapeños--you never know what's going to burn your ass.

2) I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound
they make as they go flying by.

3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get
along without it.

4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they
aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

5) I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception
problem.

6) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky
and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling?

7) My reality check bounced.

8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the
escape key.

9) I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier!

10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through
peanutbutter.

11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo.

12) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their
level then beat you with experience.

13) Be careful . . .a pat on the back is only a few centimeters
from a kick in the butt.

14) Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you
won't be promoted.

15) The more **** you put up with, the more **** you are going
to get.

16) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry
a clipboard.

17) So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!

18) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

19) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

20) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never
cease to be amused.

21) I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed
bump.

22) Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
without
a boner, make him a sandwich!

23) What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it!

24) How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine?
It's the one with bite marks on the cap!

[Rachel]

Originally posted by xSalsa_Angelx
22) Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
without a boner, make him a sandwich! I was doing sooo well at controlling my giggles quietly behind my computer, until I saw this one - hilarious!!! And so true ...
Rachel

[xSalsa_Angelx]

Originally posted by Rachel
I was doing sooo well at controlling my giggles quietly behind my computer, until I saw this one - hilarious!!! And so true ...
Rachel

Yeah that was my favorite too ..... had to email that one to my boyfriend, as he's away working in Norway .... poor him all he can have is a sandwich :rofl:

[Gadget]

Originally posted by xSalsa_Angelx
poor him all he can have is a sandwich :rofl:
between who ? :devil:
...
Oh. :blush: wrong sort of sandwich :innocent:

[Pammy]

Originally posted by xSalsa_Angelx
4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they
aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo.

12) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their
level then beat you with experience.

I like these three the best; excellent; brought a smile to my face.

Number 11 is SOOOOOOOOO true. Eh Sheepy? :wink:

PS Wool-Boy, how's the hoof? (or is it trotter)

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by Pammy
Number 11 is SOOOOOOOOO true. Eh Sheepy? :wink:

PS Wool-Boy, how's the hoof? (or is it trotter)

And what are you implying by that, oh lady of the shrunken heads?

The hoof still hurts horribly, but I will try it out tonight and hope there are no stampedes on it.

Greg

[Pammy]

Originally posted by Sheepman
And what are you implying by that, oh lady of the shrunken heads?

The hoof still hurts horribly, but I will try it out tonight and hope there are no stampedes on it.

Greg

Can I have a dance then later, or even a stagger?

I've got some cornocrescine at home left over from my horse; shall I bring it along???

Pxx

PS I could be in the next Lord Of The Rings with a name like that!

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by Pammy
PS I could be in the next Lord Of The Rings with a name like that! You mean you weren't in the last 2? Oh sorry, am I getting mixed up with Alien? :D :D
Of course you can have a dance - provided you don't ask!!!
G xx
(over and out for the w/e)

[TheTramp]

When I saw number 18, I immediately thought of Graham. Thanks to that other thread. Which is now upstairs.

Steve

[Graham]

Originally posted by TheTramp
When I saw number 18, I immediately thought of Graham. Thanks to that other thread. Which is now upstairs. Look Steve, you're a good mate, but for the LAST TIME I'm NOT wearing a French Maid's outfit for you!!!!!

[DavidY]

Originally posted by Pammy
even a stagger?

I've got some cornocrescine at home left over from my horse; shall I bring it along???
For a sheep with Staggers you need magnesium. Click 'Staggers' here (http://www.organic-vet.reading.ac.uk/Sheepweb/miscel/Default.htm#S) for more info.

Does cornocrescine contain magnesium?

[Pammy]

Originally posted by DavidY
For a sheep with Staggers you need magnesium. Click 'Staggers' here (http://www.organic-vet.reading.ac.uk/Sheepweb/miscel/Default.htm#S) for more info.

Does cornocrescine contain magnesium?

This is more worrying than I thought. Staggers occurs within four to six weeks of lambing.... so....

a) Sheepy is not just half sheep, he's half FEMALE sheep.

and

b) There are more Sheepys than just Sheepy???

[Grant]

Originally posted by Pammy
This is more worrying than I thought.
Absolutely right,
it really is a worry that DavidY is such an expert on sheep :D

Grant

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by Pammy
This is more worrying than I thought. Staggers occurs within four to six weeks of lambing.... so....

a) Sheepy is not just half sheep, he's half FEMALE sheep.

and

b) There are more Sheepys than just Sheepy???
Didn't you know that I was ambidextrous, no ambivalent, no ambiguous, no amphibious, no - just am something?

But surely there is only the one lady of the shrunken heads?

I can't remember which number it is, but here is an alternative version:-

Never argue with someone who knows what the inside of their own rectum looks like.

Would you believe I'm just listening to a R4 reading about 2 sheep in pinstripes at Clapham . . .
G

[Pammy]

Originally posted by Sheepman
But surely there is only the one lady of the shrunken heads?/QUOTE]

Yes, only one, although I can appear at the same time, in different dimensions... ... ...

Was I in the 8th Voyage of Sinbad???

[QUOTE]Never argue with someone who knows what the inside of their own rectum looks like.

I would try never to TALK TO, let alone ARGUE with such a person! :wink:


Would you believe I'm just listening to a R4 reading about 2 sheep in pinstripes at Clapham . . .

Knowing you Parton, YES, I WOULD BELIEVE IT :nice:

See you later
Pxxx

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by Pammy
Knowing you Parton, YES, I WOULD BELIEVE IT
What's my Parton got to do with it?
And what the hell is a Parton anyway?
G x
Oh now I geddit, just keep your hands off my proclivities!

[Pammy]

Originally posted by Sheepman
What's my Parton got to do with it?
And what the hell is a Parton anyway?
G x
Oh now I geddit, just keep your hands off my proclivities!

Wooly

I think you need a signature, your posts are missing a little line of wisdom...

Px

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by Pammy
Wooly
I think you need a signature, your posts are missing a little line of wisdom...
OK, - but in deference to Chicklet, this has to be an interim solution.
G x

[Pammy]

Originally posted by Sheepman
OK, - but in deference to Chicklet, this has to be an interim solution.
G x

GG, as Pat Butcher would say:-

I fink that shud be:-

Ahhh naa I geddit, jusss keep ya 'ands off me proclivitieees!

or am I being pedantic having spent so much time talking to Graham??? :wink:

[Chicklet]

Originally posted by Sheepman
OK, - but in deference to Chicklet, this has to be an interim solution.
G x
Sheepy, you feel free to plagiarise my chest any time you like.

Sharing is good for us after all.

C:D

[Graham]

Originally posted by Pammy
or am I being pedantic having spent so much time talking to Graham??? :wink: I think you've spent at least as much time talking to wool-boy, so does that mean you'll be developing a large holdall?

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by Chicklet
Sheepy, you feel free to plagiarise my chest any time you like.

Sharing is good for us after all.

Wow, I'm struggling to visualise this, but I don't get offers like that every day! :really:

and Pam, Pat who?

G x

[Pammy]

Originally posted by Sheepman
but I don't get offers like that every day! :really:

Chicky, don't believe this for a minute, he is Lord Sheep of the Offers.

Px

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by Pammy
he is Lord Sheep of the Offers.
Oh Shrunken Headed One, whose been telling stories? And why wasn't I involved?

G

[Pammy]

Lord Sheep of the Offers & Lady of the Shrunken Heads...

We'd make one hell of a scarey movie!

Px

[Sheepman]

OK, I'll bring the camcorder tonight?

Another axiom?
Merely by massaging the soles of your feet, the reflexologist can tell you how much he’s going to charge.

G

[Pammy]

Originally posted by Sheepman
[B]OK, I'll bring the camcorder tonight?

Said the actress to the vicar.. .. ..

or is the new term,

said the Lady of the Shrunken Heads to Lord Sheep of the offers.. .. ..

[Dreadful Scathe]

Originally posted by Pammy
Said the actress to the vicar.. .. ..

or is the new term,

said the Lady of the Shrunken Heads to Lord Sheep of the offers.. .. ..

Theres two Conan film/book titles right there. Conan and the Lady of the shurnken heads. cool

[Pammy]

Originally posted by Dreadful Scathe
Theres two Conan film/book titles right there. Conan and the Lady of the shurnken heads. cool

Hmmm, I don't mind playing the part in that film, although Arnie was younger when he did the first one, but he still has a fit body; right??? :yum: