David Franklin
21st-April-2007, 12:36 PM
Inspired by the trailers for "300", and this (http://www.cerocscotland.com/forum/lets-talk-about-dance/12193-new-ceroc-aerial-rules-9.html#post363683) post, I bring you...
[Narrator] The Ceroc empire has become soft, complacent and filled with old people. They rely on appealing to the masses: any one can be a Cerocer, even if they are old, overweight and unfit.
[cut to picture of two OAPs doing an armjive].
In contrast, the Airdancers adhere to a warrior ideal. Only the strongest shall survive. When a beginner enters the door, the first thing they do is throw her to the wolves. [cut to beginner dancing with impossibly buff 6'7" lead.
Beginner: "I've never done aerials before". The lead throws her into a somersault - she lands badly, crashing to the floor grimacing, but forces herself back to her feet.]
[Narrator: Only the brave and strong survivors are worthy of further dances.
But the clash of cultures is coming...
David Franklin, pontificating: "I warn you Airsteppers, you will fall to the ground"
[Cut to crowded ceroc venue. On stage, the teacher makes the annoucement:]
"I've seen a few people doing aerials out there. Please don't, it's too crowded to be safe"
In response, a buff airdancer executes a series of backflips before somersaulting onto the stage.
"How dare you try to spoil my creativity, you effete Cerocer?"
All I'm saying is it's too crowded. Can't you do you airsteps in a practice hall?
Never! I am here to inspire people! Risk is part of the game!
But this is madness!
No! This is AIRDANCE!
[Cut to extreme slowmo of Airdancer jumping into Russian splits and kicking the Ceroc teacher off the stage]
... more trailer stuff, but I just want to get to the final battle scene ...
[The venue is immediately recognizable as Hammersmith Town Hall. As ever, it is packed. A few vastly outnumbered Airdancers can be seen in the center of the floor. The Airstepper King is spurring his troops on:
Airsteppers! Tonight! We dance! In HELL! (MST3K Comment: Hammersmith, Hell, what's the difference?)
The DJ speaks:
Please don't try and do aerials. There are so many Cerocers here that there is no space on the floor
Then we shall dance in the air! roars Airstepper King.
[Airdancer picks up his partner and spins her at shoulder height. Her feet smack into the surrounding dancers (including the odd extraneous Airdancer, but that's OK, because they're rough, they're tough, and let's face it, they don't use the contents of their skulls much anyhow).
CG blood sprays everywhere, as the number of felled Cerocers mounts. Gradually the dance floor becomes slick with blood, and we see the odd Airstepper fall to the ground spectacularly.
Gradually the camera position moves up, as we realise the Airsteppers are surrounded by a solid wall of fallen Ceroc dancers. Eventually the wall collapses on the Airsteppers, burying them.]
Narrator: And so ended the Airsteppers, in the heroic battle of Hammersmith Town Hall. [Cue heroic music and titles]
(This didn't come out on the page as well as I'd planned, but it was a fair bit of work, so what the heck, I'll post it anyhow...)
[Narrator] The Ceroc empire has become soft, complacent and filled with old people. They rely on appealing to the masses: any one can be a Cerocer, even if they are old, overweight and unfit.
[cut to picture of two OAPs doing an armjive].
In contrast, the Airdancers adhere to a warrior ideal. Only the strongest shall survive. When a beginner enters the door, the first thing they do is throw her to the wolves. [cut to beginner dancing with impossibly buff 6'7" lead.
Beginner: "I've never done aerials before". The lead throws her into a somersault - she lands badly, crashing to the floor grimacing, but forces herself back to her feet.]
[Narrator: Only the brave and strong survivors are worthy of further dances.
But the clash of cultures is coming...
David Franklin, pontificating: "I warn you Airsteppers, you will fall to the ground"
[Cut to crowded ceroc venue. On stage, the teacher makes the annoucement:]
"I've seen a few people doing aerials out there. Please don't, it's too crowded to be safe"
In response, a buff airdancer executes a series of backflips before somersaulting onto the stage.
"How dare you try to spoil my creativity, you effete Cerocer?"
All I'm saying is it's too crowded. Can't you do you airsteps in a practice hall?
Never! I am here to inspire people! Risk is part of the game!
But this is madness!
No! This is AIRDANCE!
[Cut to extreme slowmo of Airdancer jumping into Russian splits and kicking the Ceroc teacher off the stage]
... more trailer stuff, but I just want to get to the final battle scene ...
[The venue is immediately recognizable as Hammersmith Town Hall. As ever, it is packed. A few vastly outnumbered Airdancers can be seen in the center of the floor. The Airstepper King is spurring his troops on:
Airsteppers! Tonight! We dance! In HELL! (MST3K Comment: Hammersmith, Hell, what's the difference?)
The DJ speaks:
Please don't try and do aerials. There are so many Cerocers here that there is no space on the floor
Then we shall dance in the air! roars Airstepper King.
[Airdancer picks up his partner and spins her at shoulder height. Her feet smack into the surrounding dancers (including the odd extraneous Airdancer, but that's OK, because they're rough, they're tough, and let's face it, they don't use the contents of their skulls much anyhow).
CG blood sprays everywhere, as the number of felled Cerocers mounts. Gradually the dance floor becomes slick with blood, and we see the odd Airstepper fall to the ground spectacularly.
Gradually the camera position moves up, as we realise the Airsteppers are surrounded by a solid wall of fallen Ceroc dancers. Eventually the wall collapses on the Airsteppers, burying them.]
Narrator: And so ended the Airsteppers, in the heroic battle of Hammersmith Town Hall. [Cue heroic music and titles]
(This didn't come out on the page as well as I'd planned, but it was a fair bit of work, so what the heck, I'll post it anyhow...)