Consecutive dances

[JiveLad]

What makes you request a 2nd (or 3rd?) consecutive dance?

For me it is still quite a rarity - although it is becoming more frequent - I think I did it 3 times at Ashtons.

As a follower, have you ever refused a 2nd dance? (I'm guessing it must be a little more difficult to refuse.........or is it?).

(I refer to 'full dances' rather than half a dance (in my terminology, typically a lo-risk semi) followed by a full one = 1.5 dances).

[Green-eyed Monsta]

I usually have two consecutive dances with most people unless...


they are an in-demand dancer and have to be shared around :)
one of us has promised a particular track to someone else


And I often have more than two consecutive dances with people who I know I'll only see that one night of the week, or if everyone else has gone home!

But this is NZ and maybe we have fewer people in our classes?

[StokeBloke]

What makes you request a 2nd (or 3rd?) consecutive dance?
Dancing with Fletch :awe:

[WittyBird]

Dancing with Fletch :awe:

Don't blame you on that one ! she really is a dream :grin:

[Jamie]

Its quite uncommon for me to have more than 1 dance at a time with cirtain people.. as I like to flit about a bit and dance with different people.. Nothing personal against other people, but I just tend to think, "well I'll grab them later", and I usually do..

[Cruella]

I've had this discussion with male friends of mine. Often, i'd love a second dance, but i rarely ask for one. I always feel as though the guy would find it difficult to say no and i'd hate to be one of the 'clingon women', (the ones that won't let go until he makes it abundantly clear he doesn't want another dance). I really hate the thought that a guy is only dancing with me out of politeness, i'd rather not dance with him if that's the case. I usually say thank you at the end of the dance and rarely get asked for a second. So i have to presume that most men don't want a second dance with me :tears: or that i give them the vibe that i'm a once only kinda girl! :rolleyes: Any advice so i get those second dances without 'hanging on'? (I really don't want to be a clingon :D )
I'd never turn down a second dance unless i had promised someone before hand for the next dance.

[Frankie_4711]

I've had this discussion with male friends of mine. Often, i'd love a second dance, but i rarely ask for one. I always feel as though the guy would find it difficult to say no and i'd hate to be one of the 'clingon women', (the ones that won't let go until he makes it abundantly clear he doesn't want another dance). I really hate the thought that a guy is only dancing with me out of politeness, i'd rather not dance with him if that's the case. I usually say thank you at the end of the dance and rarely get asked for a second. So i have to presume that most men don't want a second dance with me :tears: or that i give them the vibe that i'm a once only kinda girl! :rolleyes: Any advice so i get those second dances without 'hanging on'? (I really don't want to be a clingon :D )
I'd never turn down a second dance unless i had promised someone before hand for the next dance.

:yeah:

I do sometimes get asked for a second dance, but not that often, and as I do the vast majority of the asking in the first place, I don't feel it's right that I should inflict myself on someone for a second dance unless they want me to (ie they ask me)

[David Bailey]

I noticed last time this was discussed (a few months back), that I've unconsciously gone from "2-dance default" to "1-dance default" at some point over the past few years.

Is that just me, or is it the standard in London / UK now?

I made a conscious effort last night to ask for second dances a few times, no-one fainted from shock.

[Gav]

I will always ask for a second if we didn't get to dance to the whole record and I'll sometimes ask for a second if it was a terrible dance and I can be sure it was just because I didn't get on with the music "pleeeeeeeaaaase let me try again, I'm not normally that bad, honest!". :tears:

[Lory]

I usually say thank you at the end of the dance and rarely get asked for a second. So i have to presume that most men don't want a second dance with me :tears: or that i give them the vibe that i'm a once only kinda girl! :rolleyes:

Maybe its the 'way' you say thank you.. Could it possibly sound a little dismissive?

If you say, Thanks, that was great! :cheers: .. with the tone going down at the end, it can sound quite final but if the tone goes up at the end, it might give the idea that your up for more? :wink:

More often than not, the men I have two with, don't actually 'ask' at all, they just keep holding me, probably because we've been chatting and the next dance will be our 'proper' dance?

Also, I don't know if this happens to anyone else but I get a lot of guys who seem to associate me with certain kinds of music and i've had it lots of times where the guys heard the next track and said, ooh this one suits you more, can I have this one too?.... funnily enough, its never Rock'n'roll! :rofl:

Personally, I rarely ask for a second, the only time I do, is when the first one's been incredibly special/good and I'm confident the guy's feeling the same way :nice: or the music has been pants :sick: and I know we can have a better one! :yeah:

[David Bailey]

More often than not, the men I have two with, don't actually 'ask' at all, they just keep holding me, probably because we've been chatting and the next dance will be our 'proper' dance?
I'd feel a bit weird not asking, but I guess it depends who you're dancing with... Nah, I think I'd always ask, personally. But that's because I'm polite and considerate :D

[ducasi]

There are a few girls I'll regularly ask for a second dance, or know that they will ask for one. Not always though, but maybe if we haven't danced for a while, or if the music wasn't good for us in the first one, or maybe just because one of us didn't want to dance with someone lurking nearby. ;)

Then occasionally I will find myself asking or being asked for a second dance with one of my less regular partners – maybe even someone I've never danced with before. I guess whoever chose to ask at that point must have particularly enjoyed the first dance.

I'm also much more likely to ask for consecutive dances at a weekender. There's more time to dance with everyone you want to, though sometimes if you don't take the chance for a second dance right there and then, you end up missing it.

There's very, very few girls I've asked for more than two consecutive dances. That's because they are special – one of them more special than the others. :flower:

[Dreadful Scathe]

I made a conscious effort last night to ask for second dances a few times, no-one fainted from shock.

but they were screaming on the inside ;)

[Dreadful Scathe]

as I like to flit about a bit and dance with different people..

tart :)


Don't blame you on that one ! she really is a dream :grin:

I have yet to have the pleasure of dancing with Fletch or you :)


"pleeeeeeeaaaase let me try again, I'm not normally that bad, honest!". :tears:

Thats often been my reason for asking for a 2nd dance, usually because of the track and the new track being one I like more - if the new track is just as bad theres little point in asking for a 2nd dance for reasons of improvement ...so i just run :)

[MartinHarper]

Any advice so i get those second dances without 'hanging on'?

1. Open mouth.
2. Say "May we have another?"
3. Close mouth.
4. Wait for response.

Works for me.

[David Bailey]

1. Open mouth.
2. Say "May we have another?"
3. Close mouth.
4. Wait for response.

Works for me.
:yeah: - surely it's easier to ask someone you've just had a good dance with, than to go and ask someone else from scratch?

[Daisy Chain]

What makes you request a 2nd (or 3rd?) consecutive dance?

[/SIZE]


A glut of women

Daisy

(A Desperate Little Flower)

[Cruella]

1. Open mouth.
2. Say "May we have another?"
3. Close mouth.
4. Wait for response.

Works for me.

Did you read the rest of my post?
Maybe i should have phrased the question, "How do i get a second dance and know that the guy isn't really thinking 'Oh Sh1t, how do i get out of this one' ":rolleyes:

[Cruella]

:yeah: - surely it's easier to ask someone you've just had a good dance with, than to go and ask someone else from scratch?

Just because you think it's a good dance, it doesn't necessarily mean he does too. It's easier to inflict yourself on someone once, than to put them through it a second time. :D

[Daisy Chain]

Did you read the rest of my post?
Maybe i should have phrased the question, "How do i get a second dance and know that the guy isn't really thinking 'Oh Sh1t, how do i get out of this one' ":rolleyes:


Perhaps you could say, "That was lovely, shall we have another dance later?" Then if he comes and finds you, you know that you were OK.

Daisy

(A Compromising Little FLower)

[Cruella]

:wink: Perhaps i should wear a tshirt saying ' Always grateful for multiples'

[DD+]

:wink: Perhaps i should wear a tshirt saying ' Always grateful for multiples'
:respect: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :respect:
love it love it - i want one too !!!!!!

[David Bailey]

Just because you think it's a good dance, it doesn't necessarily mean he does too. It's easier to inflict yourself on someone once, than to put them through it a second time. :D
Ahh.... I see what you mean now, sorry, I didn't read all of your post before.

Errr... I don't know. :grin:

[Double Trouble]

:wink: Perhaps i should wear a tshirt saying ' Always grateful for multiples'

Brilliant.....!

Have to say though, I'm never grateful for multiples......its something I would expect to happen naturally.......or else...!:devil: :D :devil:

[StokeBloke]

Perhaps you could say, "That was lovely, shall we have another dance later?"
Or even something along the lines of.... "That was great maybe we could have another, or find me later for one if you have time."

That would give the lead an easy opt out, and you wouldn't feel too bad if they didn't come and find you later. A sort of half-ask :wink:

[LMC]

I'm *just* about getting brave enough to ask for second dances occasionally now ... and nothing bad has happened yet!

Being asked to 'continue' is the *best* compliment :D - and sometimes I'd love to carry on dancing with the same partner, but think I might say 'Thank you' all wrong from the reactions occasionally (i.e. my partner would probably have been very happy to carry on dancing with me and might even have asked if I hadn't said thanks in the wrong way).

Solutions:

JFDI (don't ask, don't get)
Practice :D

[Shodan]

What makes you request a 2nd (or 3rd?) consecutive dance?
When I'm dancing with my friends, especially my very lovely tango partner (either at tango or jive - she does both). Shes just really lovely to dance with. :awe:

[MartinHarper]

Did you read the rest of my post?
Maybe i should have phrased the question, "How do i get a second dance and know that the guy isn't really thinking 'Oh Sh1t, how do i get out of this one' ":rolleyes:

Yeah, I did. To expand on my earlier advice, asking for a second dance isn't being a "Klingon" or whatever, because MJ etiquette is that it is OK to turn down a request for a second dance.

Chances are, guys aren't asking you because they are worried that you are really thinking 'Oh Sh1t, how do i get out of this one'. Thus, deadlock. The solution is for one of you to take the initiative. Since you're the one asking for advice, my advice is that you should take the initiative. In the unlikely event that your partner doesn't want another dance then they'll decline, possibly making some feeble excuse about needing a drink of water/sit down/cold shower.

[Piglet]

If I enjoyed the dance and I really like dancing with my partner then I will ask for a second dance - no worries whatsoever. There's usually some sort of clue - eye contact or smile or something - that your partner has enjoyed some element of the dance too.

There's only one guy that I really enjoy dancing with that I won't ask for a consecutive dance, but that's because I know he likes variety and that I will usually get the chance to grab him again later :D

[Rachel]

Maybe its the 'way' you say thank you.. Could it possibly sound a little dismissive?

If you say, Thanks, that was great! :cheers: .. with the tone going down at the end, it can sound quite final but if the tone goes up at the end, it might give the idea that your up for more? :wink: I agree with this. 'Thank you' always seems to be a regarded as a kind of closure. Many guys seem to respond to this with a kind of 'Oh, right, yes, thank you ...' and walk off.

But if you just say 'Oh that was lovely', they normally ask for a second.

Personally, I always prefer to have just one dance with anyone at a time. I'm not sure why - probably simply because there are so many people I want to get round to dancing with. Although I will often try and go back to get another dance with the same person later.

Though, of course, it's still extrememly flattering to be asked for a second dance. It does annoy me, however, when guys, as Lory mentioned, don't even ask - not letting go of you at all, just keep on dancing - especially when it gets to the third song!
R.

[LMC]

It does annoy me, however, when guys, as Lory mentioned, don't even ask - not letting go of you at all, just keep on dancing - especially when it gets to the third song!
Depends who it is :devil:

[Caro]

Personally I prefer having (2 or 3, sometimes more :wink: ) consecutive dances rather than just one - well provided the first one went well and we both enjoyed it of course.

I find that it gives me a chance to get better used to the lead's style and (try and) adapt mine to get an even better connection the following dance(s).

Also when dancing blues with people I don't know or with whom I don't dance very often, I usually tend to keep some distance in the first dance and I need a bit more time to get (physically) closer... like a period of 'taming' if you want.

Sometimes I can feel very frustrated not to have a second dance if I feel the first dance has only just allowed me to achieve a satisfying level of connection... seems like now the connection is there, it would be a shame not to enjoy it for a full second dance.

Or may be I'm just really slow :sad: and don't relinquish control easily...

[Clive Long]

What makes you request a 2nd (or 3rd?) consecutive dance?
Connection.

[TA Guy]

It does annoy me, however, when guys, as Lory mentioned, don't even ask - not letting go of you at all, just keep on dancing - especially when it gets to the third song!
R.

Sure there's lots of reasons for that.
In my particular case, my region dances two as standard. When I attend weekenders I have to constantly remind myself that most people come from a more deprived :) region that only dances one as a default. Sometimes late on Saturday nights, or whenever, when my brain is fried, I simply forget and I default to two.

We're not all evil :)

[JiveLad]

Personally I prefer having (2 or 3, sometimes more :wink: ) consecutive dances rather than just one - well provided the first one went well and we both enjoyed it of course.

I find that it gives me a chance to get better used to the lead's style and (try and) adapt mine to get an even better connection the following dance(s).


I have heard other women mentioing the same thing..(one dance is not enough to get to the know the style of the lead...and I think it is a very valid point - obviously when it is a new partner. (Although as mentioned on another thread - it can happen that you get the one-off 'ultra'- emotional mover dances straight off).

Going back to Cruella's point, does it make a difference in who asked who: ie there could be the following sequences (for the purposes of illustration I have assumed a Male lead and Female follow):

A: Man asks 1st - Man asks for 2nd
B: Man asks 1st - Woman asks for 2nd
C: Woman asks 1st - Man asks for 2nd
D: Woman asks 1st - Woman asks for 2nd.

I guess the vast majority are scenario A.
Scenario D might imply a klingon woman........?
I like B and C............it's like a shared/mutual thing........but perhaps unusual/

[Caro]

C: Woman asks 1st - Man asks for 2nd


That's usually how it happens for me... I tend to ask guys first (I console myself putting that on the gender imbalance thing) but I wouldn't ask for a second one in a row... If they've liked it, they'll ask. :nice:
That does make me happy when it happens :D

[David Bailey]

I agree with this. 'Thank you' always seems to be a regarded as a kind of closure. Many guys seem to respond to this with a kind of 'Oh, right, yes, thank you ...' and walk off.
AT culture is like that, apparently. By default, you're supposed to dance a "tanda" (usually 3 tracks) with someone, except if they say "thank you", which is apparently code for "God, that was awful, let me out of here" :eek:

As you'll find out if you try it... :devil: :)

[Green-eyed Monsta]

A: Man asks 1st - Man asks for 2nd
...
D: Woman asks 1st - Woman asks for 2nd.

Scenario D might imply a klingon woman........?

Does that mean that secenario A implies a klingon man? Why are the rules different for men and women? :what:

[Piglet]

A: Man asks 1st - Man asks for 2nd
B: Man asks 1st - Woman asks for 2nd
C: Woman asks 1st - Man asks for 2nd
D: Woman asks 1st - Woman asks for 2nd.

...

I like B and C............it's like a shared/mutual thing........but perhaps unusual/

I agree about B and C - it's a bit like mutual appreciation. Besides, isn't it simply just returning the favour/compliment. Besides, why waste precious time looking for another dance partner when you know the one you've got does perfectly well :wink:

[WittyBird]

I used to ask for 2nd dances because it gets you intune with your partner, I hate asking people to dance and I probably really enjoyed it :D but since I got refused a 2nd dance by someone saying they would grab me later and never did I stopped asking for 2nd dances unless it was someone I knew really well. ( I don't ask him now and he doesn't ask me unfortunately)

I think the person who said that to me probably didnt know me well enough and might have thought I was coming on to him (which I wasn't)

It's such a shame but life goes on.

If I enjoy dancing with someone I would love to have opportunities to have 2/3 etc dances on the trot.

There are a few people that I normally ask for more than one, but then they always ask me for more than one (normally we ask each other at the same time) Nothing there other than enjoying the dance but isn't that the way it goes?

It annoys me that peoples perceptions are that you're trying to pull by asking for more than one when in actual fact you aint interested in them at all.

[JiveLad]

IBesides, why waste precious time looking for another dance partner when you know the one you've got does perfectly well :wink:

A sentiment perhaps shared in the Velvelettes 'A Bird in the Hand'

"The grass looks greener on the other side
But you just might be taken for a ride
'Cos a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush...."

(Never hear that song btw - it has some good breaks).

[Lynn]

Just because you think it's a good dance, it doesn't necessarily mean he does too. It's easier to inflict yourself on someone once, than to put them through it a second time. :DI don't think guys would consider dancing with you being 'inflicted', but I know what you mean.

I'm more often asked, than doing the asking, so sometimes if the man has asked me and its been a lovely dance, I'll ask for a second. That way we've asked for a dance each. I find that certain guys ask for a second as well though, and that can feel very natural for me, maybe because I do AT as well and 2 or 3 dances is the norm. Sometimes you're just really getting connected by the end of the first dance and the second naturally leads on from that.

I've noticed also that often guys don't ask for the second dance, they just keep a hold of me and we just continue dancing, without anything being said, and sometimes stay up for a third the same way. It still leaves me the option to say 'thank you' at the end of the dance as a signal that I don't want to continue if I don't want to.

[ShinyWeeStar]

It does annoy me, however, when guys, as Lory mentioned, don't even ask - not letting go of you at all, just keep on dancing
I (usually!) love it when guys just keep hold and we carry on dancing into the next song - it's one of the biggest compliments you can get I think. It's also nicer than breaking the connection to pause and ask, then having to pick it up again. A well-timed look and a smile are more than adequate invitation.

I've noticed also that often guys don't ask for the second dance, they just keep a hold of me and we just continue dancing, without anything being said, and sometimes stay up for a third the same way. It still leaves me the option to say 'thank you' at the end of the dance as a signal that I don't want to continue if I don't want to.
:yeah: If I REALLY don't want to carry on for some reason, because I really didn't enjoy the first dance or I'm gasping for a drink of water for example, I'll simply slow down, say thank you and explain why I need to stop (or make my excuses as the case may be!), before pulling away. If you're polite and tactful about it there's no reason why anyone should be offended, or why you should feel forced into another dance - that's no fun and fun is what you're there for after all! :nice:

[David Bailey]

It does annoy me, however, when guys, as Lory mentioned, don't even ask - not letting go of you at all, just keep on dancing


I (usually!) love it when guys just keep hold and we carry on dancing into the next song

So, no contradiction there then... :confused: :tears:

[Dreadful Scathe]

Just because you think it's a good dance, it doesn't necessarily mean he does too. It's easier to inflict yourself on someone once, than to put them through it a second time. :D
Aah Cruella, don't worry your pretty little head over it....




(someone call me an ambulance :) )

[Lory]

I (usually!) love it when guys just keep hold and we carry on dancing into the next song -


So, no contradiction there then... :confused: :tears:
Well DJ, I (usually!) don't mind either, as I said, it's usually the case, that I know them well and we've spent the first dance chatting ;)

But, I'll be honest, I wouldn't like it, if I didn't know them at all and they were rough, smelly or sleazy and they just held onto me without asking.

Believe it or not, I've had a couple of occasions when the guy has completely danced straight through, even though their was a gap between tracks, then they suddenly seem to realise we've been dancing quite a long time and look at me quizzically and ask, is this a different song? :confused: :what:

There's just no hope for some :rolleyes: :rofl:

[Dreadful Scathe]

time and look at me quizzically and ask, is this a different song?

wow - now thats musical interpretation. Were the tracks too similar, was it a dodgy DJ like Trampy ? ;) :)

[Lory]

wow - now thats musical interpretation. Were the tracks too similar, was it a dodgy DJ like Trampy ? ;) :)

'I' didn't think they sounded the same at all but it just goes to show how 'little' some people listen to the music! :sick:

[LMC]

(someone call me an ambulance :) )
[OBLIG] You're an ... no, I can't bring myself to do it.

Following on from what Lory said, I don't like it when DJ's *don't* leave a gap between tracks because it's really difficult to escape, and some universal law or other says that if the DJ runs two tracks together, it's one of those times when you really really really WANT to escape ...

[killingtime]

Ah, this is a fab topic. I suppose, in the MJ culture, one dance being the norm means that I didn't even consider a second dance when I first started (though I'm quite sure that women wouldn't have wanted a second show of 8, badly lead, moves anyway :wink: ). For a while, at Red Hot and Blue, I made it my norm to dance 2 dances with everyone. However if everyone adopts that then you might be "out of phase" for some time with someone you want to dance with.

Okay, reasons for a second dance...


I sometimes ask for a second dance, as has been mentioned before, because I feel my first dance was pants and I figure I could do better.
A track will come on which will have been the track I wanted to dance to with that partner so I'll try and get her for another.
I might try and get a couple of dances in now as I've realised I probably won't get another dance later.
Sometimes I'll have just really enjoyed a dance and want another and hope the woman does too.


Reasons for not asking even though I want to...


Often when I have a fantastic dance I'll leave it at the one; I figure I'd just be tempting fate to have a second.
I'll feel the woman is a better dancer than me and that even though I had a fab dance that might not have been shared by her.
I'd feel I'd hogging her when someone else might be waiting to ask her to dance.
That it's a busy night and there are a bunch of women waiting for a dance and I probably won't get around to dancing with half of them as it is.

[MartinHarper]

1. Open mouth.
2. Say "May we have another?"
3. Close mouth.
4. Wait for response.

More recently, "again again!". Think Tellytubbies.
Eh, it was a good dance.

[FoxyFunkster]

More recently, "again again!". Think Tellytubbies.
Eh, it was a good dance.

A Fellow male jiver at camber was told in no uncertain terms...."your not going anywhere" :respect:

[David Bailey]

A Fellow male jiver at camber was told in no uncertain terms...."your not going anywhere" :respect:
Was that DT saying it?
I bet it was DT.

[Cruella]

More recently, "again again!". Think Tellytubbies.
Eh, it was a good dance.

I'll just call you Tinky Winky in future. :wink:

[FoxyFunkster]

Was that DT saying it?
I bet it was DT.

er sorry i`m new to all this..i`m assuming DT is double trouble....if so i can confirm that it wasn`t her....

[MartinHarper]

I'll just call you Tinky Winky in future. :wink:

Well I'm certainly not very Dipsy at the moment.

[NZ Monkey]

It's very rare for me *not* to ask for a second dance.

It isn't just because that's the way things are done down here either. If I know my partner well, I almost certainly enjoy dancing with them so I'd like another.

If I don't know them, but the first one was fantastic then you'd better believe I want another one. I like the excitement of an unfamiliar but good partner. and please nobody make the obvious innuendo there...:blush:

If I had an *alright* dance with someone I don't know, a second one helps as you get to know how your partner feels. today is a day for obvious innuendo it seems

If my partner was obviously less experienced than I am, I'll ask for a second dance because I know it helps to have a considerate partner who's much better than you, especially when you're learning.

Of course, there are times when I just don't feel like a second one regardless of the situation, and I make no claims to consistancy to this formula on any given night :na: