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StokeBloke
31st-December-2006, 04:56 PM
As an aside to the 'getting refused' discussion, I was wondering if the two may be related. Maybe asking in a certain way could produce more refusals and vice-versa; so....

How do you ask people to dance?
Is there a way not to ask?
How does the way you ask people you know compare to how you ask strangers?
What is the worst 'ask' you've had - and the best?
Does the way you're asked have a bearing on your reply?
Do you think it's rude to just thrust out a hand at someone without a word?
If someone grabs you on the dance floor as soon as a song finishes, does it make you think that they'll be spending their dance with you looking round for the next 'grab' - is a 'grab' really asking?All hints and tips greatly received by this newbie :D :D :D :D

I am sure that as this is a dance forum this topic has been covered in the past a few times, but hey you'll all have far more anacdotal experience now to share :waycool:

JiveLad
31st-December-2006, 05:11 PM
Hiya (great questions btw)

I posted this is my (mildly entertaining) dance blog last month see http://ceroc.blogspot.com/2006/12/asking-someone-to-dance-including.html:

which covers just a small part of your questions. I'll consider the other points.

----------------------------------------------------

For me, there are at least 3 variants:

1. Lady sitting or standing by the dance floor:
I approach, look and say "would you like to dance?"...........hmm...complicated uh?

2. Just finished a dance and there are a mass of people moving in different directions on the dance floor and I am looking for the next dance:
This may involve a simple mutual look in the eyes, with a momentary eyebrow raise and perhaps a slight movement of the head

3. Women I know very well and always have a joke/can be cheeky with:
"Fancy a quickie....?"

----------------------------------------------------------------

PS - In response to number 3. recently, one particular lady now answers "yes - but lets have a dance first". It always makes me laugh.

JiveLad
31st-December-2006, 05:23 PM
How does the way you ask people you know compare to how you ask strangers?

Just one immediate addition. In my experience, with people you know, it is more likely that there is just a mutual recognition that you both want to dance - and therefore no (or minimal words) are exchanged - it's more eye contact etc.

Recently, I did aneye contact thing (raised eyebrows) with a woman sitting down - 30 metres away, who I knew. She jumped up and was ready to dance as I move round to her. That would not have worked with a stranger (at least not for me)!

Paulthetrainer
31st-December-2006, 05:34 PM
The people I dance with regularly, I either:

a) Catch their eye and twitch my head in the direction of the dance floor.

b) Politely inform them that THEY, above ALL others, have been selected to dance with ME for the next song, and that they should be sure to make a note of the precise date and time, so that one day in the future they might inform their Grandchildren of the experience.

As for everyone else, well, if a mumbling, bumbling, stammering idiot asks you to dance.....that'll be me.....:(

Lynn
31st-December-2006, 08:01 PM
How does the way you ask people you know compare to how you ask strangers?

Just one immediate addition. In my experience, with people you know, it is more likely that there is just a mutual recognition that you both want to dance - and therefore no (or minimal words) are exchanged - it's more eye contact etc.You can do that with strangers too. A look, a smile, a slight head tilt towards the floor or raised hand. If you're both standing near the edge of the dance floor that's all that's needed.

But of course you can have more fun with people you know. You can meet their gaze and just start moving towards each other, dancing as you go. Once I asked a guy and walked onto the floor dramatically with the music, stopped at a break and spun round to face him, hoping like mad that he had actually followed me onto the dance floor. He had. I might have looked a bit daft if he hadn't.

In some AT circles the women don't ask, and I'm not confident enough to ask at a milonga anyway, so the 'eye contact and smile' thing is a good way of indicating 'please come over and ask me to dance'.

It doesn't make that much difference as to how I'm asked - but the really gentlemanly requests are always appreciated.

Juju
31st-December-2006, 08:25 PM
How do you ask people to dance?

I usually bounce up to them with a big grin. :D


Is there a way not to ask?

When the bloke asks you to dance whilst wearing an expression that says: "Oh well, you'll have to do, I suppose...."


Do you think it's rude to just thrust out a hand at someone without a word?

Nope.

Frankie_4711
1st-January-2007, 05:00 PM
I love it when you can just look at someone and start dancing from across the floor - like Lynn described above. Fab! There aren't many people I can do that with, but it's great when it happens.

Most people I know just need a held out hand (no, I don't consider it rude) and a look, but people I don't know will be asked 'would you like to dance' with a held out hand and a smile.

As for being asked, I wouldn't turn anyone down because of the way they asked me, and I can't think of any ways that I've been asked that have put me off or made me feel any differently about that person, other than in a good way.

I do like just being grabbed though! Forget formality - I like spontanaity!

Double Trouble
1st-January-2007, 08:17 PM
As an aside to the 'getting refused' discussion, I was wondering if the two may be related. Maybe asking in a certain way could produce more refusals and vice-versa; so....

How do you ask people to dance?
Is there a way not to ask?
How does the way you ask people you know compare to how you ask strangers?
What is the worst 'ask' you've had - and the best?
Does the way you're asked have a bearing on your reply?
Do you think it's rude to just thrust out a hand at someone without a word?
If someone grabs you on the dance floor as soon as a song finishes, does it make you think that they'll be spending their dance with you looking round for the next 'grab' - is a 'grab' really asking?All hints and tips greatly received by this newbie :D :D :D :D

I am sure that as this is a dance forum this topic has been covered in the past a few times, but hey you'll all have far more anacdotal experience now to share :waycool:


I know I'm not speaking for all females, but from my own personal point of view, its just nice to be asked, doesnt matter how they ask.

I would say most men just thrust a hand in your direction, but with a smile on their face, so not offensive in the least.

frodo
2nd-January-2007, 01:00 AM
Do you think it's rude to just thrust out a hand at someone without a word?I think it depends on context.


It has struck me that, as far as strangers go it is almost entirely young women (I'd estimate 17-23) who've asked me this way.

I've no idea why only this particular demographic asks strangers this way :confused:.

I've also noticed this demographic is the only one that frequently misses 'not dancing right now' cues.


Recently a I passing a group discussing something or other and a lady stuck out her hand - From the context I thought she was going to ask for directions or something.

She didn't say anything but just looked more and more put out :confused: - maybe 20 seconds later she'd finally made it clear she wanted to dance.

Dai
3rd-January-2007, 02:51 AM
Strangers - I generally tend to go up to the woman, and say "excuse me, would you like a dance" nodding in the direction of the dance floor, sometimes i offer my hand, sometimes i don't. The general reply in this instance is one of the following
a) no
b) not now
c) may be later
d) i have a headache
e) i've just sat down
f) i'm about to change my shoes
g) no reply - just a dirty look and then look away - i think that has to be the best rejection yet!!

People that i know - Generally hold out one or both hands, point at them and beckon them to me (works better with really close friends), walk up to them and slide my hand into theirs, call across the crowded room - "hey sexy, fancy a dance" hopfully someone you know will come over to you.

I don't think i would ever refuse someone due to the way they asked me, but i don't like dancing with someone, and as the end of the dance approaches they are already looking around for the next dance.

Double Trouble
4th-January-2007, 09:20 PM
Strangers - I generally tend to go up to the woman, and say "excuse me, would you like a dance" nodding in the direction of the dance floor, sometimes i offer my hand, sometimes i don't. The general reply in this instance is one of the following
a) no
b) not now
c) may be later
d) i have a headache
e) i've just sat down
f) i'm about to change my shoes
g) no reply - just a dirty look and then look away - i think that has to be the best rejection yet!!

People that i know - Generally hold out one or both hands, point at them and beckon them to me (works better with really close friends), walk up to them and slide my hand into theirs, call across the crowded room - "hey sexy, fancy a dance" hopfully someone you know will come over to you.

I don't think i would ever refuse someone due to the way they asked me, but i don't like dancing with someone, and as the end of the dance approaches they are already looking around for the next dance.


I havent had the pleasure yet, but my sister (trouble) says you are a great lead.

I can understand some rejection from other women in the same way that I suspect most men would refuse another man a dance. To some people thats just too much for them to get their heads around, but to be refused most of the time? I must say i find that quite suprising.

Needless to say, I would love to dance with you. There are never enough good men/leads around and us girlies should be ripping your arm off.:flower:

CentrAlex
5th-January-2007, 12:39 AM
Strangers - I generally tend to go up to the woman, and say "excuse me, would you like a dance" nodding in the direction of the dance floor, sometimes i offer my hand, sometimes i don't. The general reply in this instance is one of the following
a) no
b) not now
c) may be later
d) i have a headache
e) i've just sat down
f) i'm about to change my shoes
g) no reply - just a dirty look and then look away - i think that has to be the best rejection yet!!

People that i know - Generally hold out one or both hands, point at them and beckon them to me (works better with really close friends), walk up to them and slide my hand into theirs, call across the crowded room - "hey sexy, fancy a dance" hopfully someone you know will come over to you.

I don't think i would ever refuse someone due to the way they asked me, but i don't like dancing with someone, and as the end of the dance approaches they are already looking around for the next dance.

Or if someone really wants to dance with you then they wait at the side of the dance floor watching you dance then the second you have finished throw themselves at you...not that I do that at all :wink:

Another one I use is if I am dancing next to someone I know and I want to dance with them next then...if I catch their eye during the dance...I give them the look and say "you're next!"...that generally works too!!

Best refusal I have ever had...I asked someone to dance and they said "I would love to but my dog has just died and I need to get home to comfort my little brother!"

I didn't believe her...but I didn't want to say anything just in case it was true!

Best time a refusal was refused...I was asked to dance and I had just danced about 15 tracks in a row...walked back over to where I was sitting and a woman asked me to dance and I said "do you want to have the next one" because I was absolutely shattered and...soaking wet and needed to change my t-shirt...and she said "if you can dance the next one, you can dance this one...ceroc etiquette and all that!!" Had to give it to her...a dance that is!!

Well! Going to be quiet now...

Happy dancing!

Gav
5th-January-2007, 01:00 AM
Plenty of times the music has been too loud near the speakers, so an offered hand and a nod was the best I could do and seemed perfectly OK.
I've used the same when I've caught someone's eye from too far away and don't want to lose out by someone else getting there first. :D
Mind you, I've had ladies grab my hand and lead me to the dance floor without a word or even eye contact. Very scary ladies. :what:

CentrAlex
5th-January-2007, 01:02 AM
Mind you, I've had ladies grab my hand and lead me to the dance floor without a word or even eye contact. Very scary ladies. :what:

Been there...got the t-shirt...tried to take it back but I didn't have a receipt!

Dai
5th-January-2007, 01:33 AM
Been there...got the t-shirt...tried to take it back but I didn't have a receipt!
:rofl:

Dai
5th-January-2007, 01:35 AM
I havent had the pleasure yet, but my sister (trouble) says you are a great lead.

Needless to say, I would love to dance with you. There are never enough good men/leads around and us girlies should be ripping your arm off.:flower:

Steady with the whole ripping thing - but yes yes yes - girlies come and ask me to dance - it would make a very pleasent change!!

StokeBloke
5th-January-2007, 02:29 AM
When the bloke asks you to dance whilst wearing an expression that says: "Oh well, you'll have to do, I suppose...."
Then on the other hand of course some guys are so keen to dance with you that they just won't take no for an answer... and dream up evil and wicked reasons why your excuse isn't actually a problem at all - isn't that right Juju :D :D :D :D

Juju
5th-January-2007, 09:20 AM
Then on the other hand of course some guys are so keen to dance with you that they just won't take no for an answer... and dream up evil and wicked reasons why your excuse isn't actually a problem at all - isn't that right Juju :D :D :D :D

Pressure! :sick:

Then again, I can't blame you - I am marvellous, after all. :wink:

StokeBloke
5th-January-2007, 09:59 AM
Pressure! :sick:

Then again, I can't blame you - I am marvellous, after all. :wink:How could I possibly disagree :D

Seriously, it was lovely to meet you and a real pleasure dancing with you. Only problem is.... I'll be asking you for lots more dances now I know how great you can spin - so no skipping the country! ;)

Oh, and let me add my voice to those who are already trying to get you to Stafford. I know I'm just being greedy, but the chance to spin you around the floor even more would be brilliant :flower: :flower: :flower:

Juju
5th-January-2007, 10:27 AM
How could I possibly disagree :D

Seriously, it was lovely to meet you and a real pleasure dancing with you. Only problem is.... I'll be asking you for lots more dances now I know how great you can spin - so no skipping the country! ;)

Oh, and let me add my voice to those who are already trying to get you to Stafford. I know I'm just being greedy, but the chance to spin you around the floor even more would be brilliant :flower: :flower: :flower:

Bless. You're too nice. :nice:

DD+
5th-January-2007, 12:42 PM
Well Honey - If those ladies dont come up and ask you to dance it's them thats missing out! you are always a pleasure to dance with :flower: and if they dont ask ... that leaves more for us! :clap:



Steady with the whole ripping thing - but yes yes yes - girlies come and ask me to dance - it would make a very pleasent change!!

whitetiger1518
5th-January-2007, 12:44 PM
I usually end up asking in the classes for a dance something along the lines of "May I have a dance?" or to quote the Immortal Rikki Fulton - "Are yae dancin'?" (to more well known dancers :wink: )

Alternatively I seem to end up asking a leader's back (as they get whisked off to the floor by a successful askee) "Would you save me a dance?"

Sometimes it would be nice to be asked, however, if I didn't ask, my true confidence level would take over and I would disappear out the door....

(Stop laughing CJ :tears: - it is true!! )

A Shy :blush: Whitetiger

Dai
5th-January-2007, 12:56 PM
Well Honey - If those ladies dont come up and ask you to dance it's them thats missing out! you are always a pleasure to dance with :flower: and if they dont ask ... that leaves more for us! :clap:


Why thank you sweetheart, but when i'm dancing with you the pleasure is all mine.
:hug:

David Bailey
5th-January-2007, 12:58 PM
Steady with the whole ripping thing - but yes yes yes - girlies come and ask me to dance - it would make a very pleasent change!!
To be honest, that's not likely to happen in a strange venue - it's just not part of the mainstream Ceroc culture.

Maybe we need an "asking people of the same gender to dance" thread :)

fletch
5th-January-2007, 01:13 PM
I don't think i would ever refuse someone due to the way they asked me, but i don't like dancing with someone, and as the end of the dance approaches they are already looking around for the next dance.

Or you look away, just incase they ask you :wink: you don't get away from Fletch that easily when i'm on a mission :na:


I havent had the pleasure yet, but my sister (trouble) says you are a great lead.

Needless to say, I would love to dance with you.


can we make Double Trouble the last one now please:what: or non of us will get any dances, you will be to busy :really:

- but yes yes yes - girlies come and ask me to dance - it would make a very pleasent change!!

will you stop touting for dances :mad: enough now :wink: :rofl: :rofl:

Dai
5th-January-2007, 01:39 PM
Or you look away, just incase they ask you :wink: you don't get away from Fletch that easily when i'm on a mission :na:

Hmmm... what can i say - i didn't know you then, and to a nonforumite at an unfamiliar venue - you were a little scary - remember i am shy, quiet and retiring!!:blush:



can we make Double Trouble the last one now please:what: or non of us will get any dances, you will be to busy :really:

I should be so lucky - however not matter how busy i am, and how in demad i may be (yer right), i'll always have time for a dance with you sweetheart - fear not!!!!!:flower:

fletch
5th-January-2007, 01:58 PM
Hmmm... what can i say - i didn't know you then, and to a nonforumite at an unfamiliar venue - you were a little scary - remember i am shy, quiet and retiring!!:blush:




I should be so lucky - however not matter how busy i am, and how in demad i may be (yer right), i'll always have time for a dance with you sweetheart - fear not!!!!!:flower:

Me scary :eek: neaver :wink:

I'm shy quiet and retiring also,:rolleyes: I just hide it well :rofl:

as long as you don't tip me upside down and use me as a carton of 'shack n vac' again :na: :rofl:

:worthy:

Dai
5th-January-2007, 05:07 PM
well - ok -no more 'shake an vac', but you did say that i couldn't scar you any more - so it was just a challenge, and it made you scream!!

rubyred
6th-January-2007, 03:20 AM
Hmmm... what can i say - i didn't know you then, and to a nonforumite at an unfamiliar venue - you were a little scary - remember i am shy, quiet and retiring!!:blush:




I should be so lucky - however not matter how busy i am, and how in demad i may be (yer right), i'll always have time for a dance with you sweetheart - fear not!!!!!:flower:


And me too I hope please :flower: